Disclaimer: I don't own anything that doesn't belong to me.
…
A young man wearing a dark brown coat was cheerfully whistling the tune of "Over Quartzer" while cleaning a red substance off a table in a whimsical house full of bookshelves and old, but well-loved furniture with a roaring fire steeped in the fireplace. Through the windows behind him, flying whales, airships, dragons, and ubiquitous bubbles could be seen floating in the skies of a fantastical wonderland, with a giant sword rising off in the distance. The man's eyes flickered up, and he started, skipping a note.
"Oh! You are earlier than I thought you'd be," the young man said, hastily covering the red stain with his very long scarf. "Welcome! I am the prophet Woz, and I will be your storyteller for today."
He paused, a too wide grin stretched across his face as his eyes flicked about anxiously. "Hmm? You're wondering about your usual narrator? Oh, I wouldn't worry about him," he said casually, nudging a candlestick which also had a bit of red on it beneath a chair.
"He rather abruptly decided he needed to go on a… A vacation, yes, that's it, a vacation," he explained, grabbing a broom and sweeping some broken glass that looked as if it had come from one of the windows off-camera.
"After all, Tassel has been Guardian of Wonder World for over 2000 years, and figured he could use a break. And I, out of the kindness of my heart, offered to mind the place while he was gone and take up his duties as storyteller in his absence. Kamen Rider fans like yourselves know that I have a good deal of experience as a narrator myself, so I seemed like the obvious pick," he continued, moving a rather large portrait of Sougo Tokiwa to cover what looked an awful lot like scratches in the wall.
"But rest assured, he's perfectly all right, and will be back in no time," Woz insisted assuredly.
What looked an awful lot like an arm half fell out of the fireplace. Without looking, Woz grabbed a poker and pushed it back in.
"Anyway," Woz said as if that had not just happened, sitting down in Tassel's usual chair and picking up a book from the table next to him, wincing slightly when he noticed more of the red substance was on it. "I've read ahead in the story he had planned to tell you all, and… Well, I'm not exactly impressed," he complained as he flipped through the pages. "Too many characters trying to be part of the main cast, villains who only seem to be accomplishing their goals because the so-called heroes are too busy fighting each other for no good reason to remember they exist half the time, a rather obnoxious ninja with a terrible character arc which drags down one of the more interesting and sadly underutilized members of the cast, a couple of the characters hem and haw and do nothing for far too many chapters, a somewhat underwhelming final antagonist, and… A disturbing amount of sibling incest implications." He raised an eyebrow, displeased. "What's with that, anyway? Who wrote this, anyway… Oh, the same person who wrote Kamen Rider Ghost. That explains a lot."
He closed the book and set it aside, making sure the part with red on it was face down. "Not to mention that the ending, while happy, feels a tiny bit… Undeserved. Now, I'm not saying that a good story should have a tragic or bittersweet ending, but if it's unearned, it feels rather cheap, wouldn't you agree?"
He pulled out a familiar looking book with steampunk aesthetic and flipped it open. "Now, I'm well aware my own story was far from perfect, so I'm not exactly qualified to be casting stones here," he admitted, nudging a rock with some red on it beneath another chair. "But, perhaps, with a few minor revisions, we can make something we can all be satisfied with.
"Now," he began, flipping open his text. "According to this book, normal high schooler Sougo Tokiwa, who is destined to become the demonic king of time, Oma Zi-O, happened to visit the Fantastic Bookstore Kamiyama…"