Am I Fat?
Draco sat in a dark corner booth, tossing back shots of fire whiskey at the Three Broomsticks. He was only a little sloshed, and if he had his way, he would be damned sloshed by the time they threw his ass out.
"Oh for the love of Merlin, what the bloody hell are you doing?" Draco looked up to see Ron coming towards him. Three Rons, actually.
"I'm drinking." Draco said, happy to hear no slur in his words. He frowned when all three of the redheads sat next to him.
"Is this because I wouldn't let you kiss me?" Ron demanded to know. Draco shook his head. Why did they have to come and ruin his drinking? He was getting sloshed, happy-sloshed, but now he was just unhappy-sloshed. Life was so not fair.
"Go 'way, all three of you. Bastards." Draco mumbled, fumbling for another shot. The Rons sighed and took out their wands. Quickly, before Draco could jump out of the way, they cast a sobriety spell.
"What the-? Foul play Weasley!" Draco whined as the Rons solidified into a single smirking redhead.
"Why won't you talk to me luv?" Ron asked softly, rubbing a hand reassuringly over the blondes lower back. Draco's lower lip started to quiver, and he turned to look at the redhead with tears in his eyes.
"Do you think I'm ugly?" Draco whispered, relinquishing his death grip on the shot glass.
"Yes. Hideous."
"Am I fat?" Ron looked vaguely amused.. "Is that why you don't love me?"
"Yes Draco, you cow." Draco shot him a scathing look, but continued.
"Is it because I'm blonde?" Draco bit his lip and swallowed against his sobs.
"No, I like ditzy prats. They suck cock better than the rest." Ron was looking way too smug.
"Is it because-" Draco gulped and started to wail. "Is it because my penis is too small?" Ron rolled his eyes and pulled the blonde boy onto his lap.
"Draco, you are not fat. You are not ugly, I love your hair, and your penis is lovely." Draco stopped his cries to look at the redhead. Ron managed to stay completely sincere under the blondes searching stare, and finally Draco melted into his embrace.
"Promise?" Draco asked, sniffling. Ron smiled and nodded.
"Listen, I stole some crack from Dumbledore. It'll make you feel better."