Siriusly
James, Remus and Peter were sitting at a table in the library when Sirius tromped in and slammed down in a chair beside them.
"I have an idea for that Charms assignment." Remus just raised a brow, James snorted, and Peter just drooled.
"What are you talking about?" James asked, sounding annoyed. "I thought we agreed we would find a tying charm and fix it so it tied your shoes or something. Easy, simple, Peter's already done most of it." Sirius looked at his fellow Marauders.
"Are you serious?" He asked, looking at the rat animagus in disbelief. Remus smirked.
"No, actually, you're Sirius. I'm Remus, this is James, and that would be Peter." Sirius rolled his eyes.
"Ha bloody ha Moony, you kill me with that one, you really do." He sighed, feeling very put-out. Why didn't they believe in his genius? "No, this is the most awesome idea in the world, and you owe it, in all actuality, to one Snivellous Snape." The other three looked at him with disbelief written all over their faces before James spelled away the papers Peter had been poring over. "Thought you might be interested." He said smugly before leaning in to explain his plan.
"Alright, Potter, Black, Lupin and Pettigrew, would you like to pay attention in class? Or, rather, would you like to share whatever is so interesting with the rest of the class that you simply cannot pay attention?" James gave a silent groan as Professor McGonagall stood behind them and snapped. The rest of the class snickered, but Sirius, quick as ever, leapt up and beamed at her.
"Certainly! We're working on our Charms assignment." McGonagall rolled her eyes and muttered something to the effect that the school was doomed no doubt. "I came up with my brilliant idea whilst in the middle of a detention, because we all know that I am there often enough to indulge in such sordid activity." Laughter rang out at his impromptu stand-up act. Remus rolled his eyes and hissed something sarcastic under his breath.
"I need a volunteer for my charm! REMUS!" he bellowed, fixing the werewolf with an icy glare. "You'll be perfect." McGonagall nodded, beginning to wonder despite herself. "Now, the basis of my spell is incredibly dependant on my siriusly long schlong, which you all know, is siriusly long." He winked, "Siriusly. Now, what this spell does is simply use the shape of my long schlong and," he mimed smacking himself in the face, "fwap! An example!" Before he could stop the spell, McGonagall was rushing towards him, a stern reprimand on her lips when the promised fwap rang through the classroom. Sirius, as well as his fellow Marauders, stared in horror as a red mark slowly appeared on the face of their Transfiguration Professor.
"Detention. All four of you." McGonagall spoke quietly, but her eyes screamed with a promise of violence and painful things to come. "I will see you here at seven o'clock sharp every evening for the next week. I expect you to be on time." The boys groaned and she gave a small smile.
"Siriusly."