Chapter Two: Saving Normal.

The glance lasted forever. Pam felt faintly nauseous. She quickly picked up some notes from Michael that needed transcribing and began to work intently.

Earlier that morning, Pam had lied awake in bed watching the clock tick toward the 6:30 alarm. She been restless all night, obsessively replaying the previous evening in her head. Sometimes she changed the outcome, almost forcing herself to keep walking out of the office and to make it to elevator. She imagined that he had come straight home, made dinner, and crashed in front of the television with Roy. No harm done.

But that's not what happened. And the actuality of what did happen would suddenly wash back over her. She remembered heading straight for the elevator. She was so relieved her fears about Jim and Kelly were unfounded but also confused about why she should feel so pained at the possibility in the first place. So what if Jim had slept with Kelly? It was none of her business. Yet the thought that someone else . . . that's the thought that turned her around violently and propelled her back into the office.

She kissed him. He kissed her back.

The night was uncomfortable, filled with brief moments of heightened sensation, replaying the feeling of his lips on her's, his hands on her back, her hands on his face. Then, a sudden movement or sound from Roy would jolt her back into reality. Then came the guilt, the recriminations, the self-hate.

The same feelings overcame her after the kiss. Jim had separated first, she remembered. She tried to move in to continue the kissing, but he backed off again.

Jim had started to speak.

Jim: Do you . . .

She moved in more forcefully and started to kiss Jim again. Clearly using considerable self-restraint, Jim stopped her again.

Jim: Pam, let's stop for a second.

Pam tries to recompose herself.

Pam (starting to cry): I'm sorry. This is a mistake. I'm so, so sorry.

Jim: I don't want you to be sorry. I'm not. I just want to know what's going on.

Pam: I can't really talk about this now. I have to go.

Jim: Now? You're just going to leave? That's not really fair.

Pam: It's just the wedding. The stress. It's just getting to me. I'm so sorry: I didn't mean to.

Jim: I'm not sure what you're saying here.

Pam: I mean, I'm engaged. What I did is completely wrong and something I would never do.

Jim (clearly hurt): I see.

Pam: Jim, please don't be angry with me. I really am sorry.

Jim (not placated and clearly angry): No, yeah.

Jim sharply picks up his stuff and leaves the office. Pam falls to the ground and cries.

And so it went last night. And now she sat there again, inches away from the spot where it had all happened. She had a hard time focusing on her work, making uncharacteristic mistakes everywhere. Every simple task was taking three times as long as it ordinarily would. Yet, the clock seemed to move that much more slowly.

It was only lunchtime. Already it seemed as though 20 hours had passed since that long painful glance between herself and Jim.

She sat down and opened her sad, little bag of yogurt and bottled water. Jim entered the break room, saw Pam sitting at the lunch table and immediately turned to leave. Pam couldn't take it anymore.

Pam: C'mon Jim. Let's stop this. We can't stay this way.

Jim (halting in the doorway): I know.

Pam: Please sit down and eat lunch with me. I feel like the nerdy kid at school that no one will play with.

They both let out a laugh of relief and Jim walks over sits down. After a few seconds of awkwardness, Pam starts.

Pam: Oh, I don't know if you know this or not, but Michael got a message from Jan about something that happened on Valentine's Day . . .

Jim (interrupting): Oh my God, I don't care.

Pam (startled): What?

Jim: I can't sit here and pretend everything's fine, that nothing happened.

Pam (making a shushing motion toward the camera): Ah, Jim . . .

Jim (suddenly remembering the camera, frustrated): Oh, right.

Jim picks up his uneaten lunch and chucks it angrily in the trash bin and walks out, leaving Pam looking awkwardly into the camera.

Talking head Pam: What happened? Um, you know, just a little disagreement about, ah, work-related stuff. What stuff? Um, actually, you know, it was so stupid, I don't even remember. It'll blow over. Everything will be fine. Really. Everything will go back to normal. It will. Really.
When Pam returned to her desk, she noticed that Jim had not returned to his. Michael stuck his head out of his office and pointed toward Jim's desk.

Michael: Hey Pamberger, Jim went home sick for the rest of the day. He's forwarded his calls to the front desk.

Pam sat back in her chair for a few seconds, absorbing the news, trying to figure out just how she should react. She went back to finishing some typing. When she finished, she went to save the document and exit Microsoft Word.

The screen read "You have made changes to the template. Do you wish to save these changes?" She hit save. The program responded: "saving normal."