Thunder rolled in the distance. I shuddered and, finally breaking my gaze with the words, dropped my eyes to the door. Before I realized it, I was halfway there and standing in the middle of the street. I paused and wondered what I was thinking but quickly scurried the rest of the way across and stood before the building.
Feeling a cold dampness on my nose I looked to the sky, rain was sprinkling down gently as it usually does before the sky opens and it begins to pour. Perfect
I felt a nervous knot growing in my stomach. I couldn't even handle two of them earlier today and I was about to enter a building the was very likely filled to the brim. I started walking away but quickly turned back around. I found myself pacing back and forth in front of the building. All I could hear besides my own heavy breathing was my worn shoes rubbing against the already damp concrete beneath me. My mind was racing as it played out the different scenes the could unfold should I choose to enter.
what's the worst that could happen? I thought to myself as I stopped in front of the steps and stared up at the door once again. I laughed inwardly at my own optimism as many horrible outcomes played out in my mind. Sighing, I countered my own bad thoughts with how I was living now. What could be worse than this? I wondered, glancing down at my tattered, now damp, clothes and placing a hand over my starving stomach. Looking up at the door again I noticed the light shining slightly out from under it. Imagining the warmth within, I was suddenly more aware of my own state. My clothes were now thoroughly soaked and loose strands of hair clung to my face as rain trickled down it.
Thunder cracked suddenly and I jumped, letting out a pathetic squeak. I pulled my coat tighter around me as the rain began to fall harder and the wind started howling. I stared at the door determinedly through the rain.
Right then. I told myself as I grabbed the front of my skirt and marched up the stairs to the door. I felt unstoppable at that moment as I neared it. I no longer imagined what was on the other side, just remembered my mother... and brother. What would mom think if I was too scared to ask a couple of kids where my brother was?
I put a hand up as to knock, but thought against it as I grabbed the knob and slowly turned it. I opened the door just enough to get a peek inside. I could hardly see anything because of the angle of the door. As the thunder boomed again I took a deep breath and slipped inside as silently as I could.
I was relieved when I realized I was still consumed in shadows. As I glanced around I saw there was a small area by the door that was nice and dark, not to mention free of any boys. I peered around the room and saw different groups of them. Some were huddled around a warm fire, others seemed to be playing some kind of game on the floor, while a few of the smaller boys were curled up and looked to be asleep around the room. I also noticed a desk not to far in front of me, with a kind looking old man behind it, shuffling through papers and mumbling to himself. The next thing I noticed was the level of noise. I was glad it was loud enough for me to sneak in, but noticed something else about it too. It was a pleasant sound of chatter, laughter, and the occasional shout of victory coming from over by a game. I found myself grinning. Quickly I reminded myself of my predicament and the smile faded, the fear once again, I was sure, was showing on my face.
As I took a step forward I looked down and instantly felt guilty. Water was dripping off every inch of my body and creating a nice muddy trail beneath me. I cursed quietly to myself as the anxiousness flooded back to the pit of my stomach. I panicked and turned back to the door. This was a bad idea.
As I reached out and fumbled for the handle, my hands trembling, I suddenly heard a soft, elderly voice from behind me. .
"Can I help ye?"
I froze.
My mind began racing. My first instinct was to tear open the door and run away from the situation. I squeezed my eyes shut and took a deep breath, slowly turning to face the voice. I was not about to run away after coming so far. When I realized I was fully turned around I opened an eye and peeked out. I felt a wave of relief wash over me as I saw none of the boys had noticed the situation, and clearly didn't hear the old man. Oh right, the man... I turned my gaze from the boys and stared at him. He smiled warmly at me and leaned over the desk, trying to get a better look at me through the darkness. Slowly I stepped forward, constantly glancing over to be sure none of the boys were paying attention.
when I finally was out of the shadows, his warm smile faltered slightly. My first thought was because he realized I was a girl, but then thought it was far more likely because of the state I was in.
Remembering what he asked me, I found I couldn't speak.
"Uh . . "Was all I replied, though I believe it was too quiet to have been heard above the loud storm and even louder boys.I mentally scolded myself for being so completely ridiculous.
He followed my constant glances to the boys and his grin broadened. Clearly he understood what I was thinking as he leaned closer over the desk and spoke quietly.
"What can I do for ye young lady?" He asked, a smile still plastered on his face.
what can you do for me? I thought to myself cynically, gee where to begin..
Instead of being as rude as my thoughts, I smiled politely and wiped some loose hair from my face as I stepped closer to the desk. Is it getting quiet in here?
"I'm uh, well I'm lookin' for someone" I told him, staring at the floor and fiddling with my damp sleeve that was still dripping, along with the rest of me.
"Is that so?"He spoke kindly, "What's his name then, hm?"
As he asked this he moved a large book closer with all kinds of names written in it, looking back at me patiently.
"It's. . uh . ."I felt my cheeks grow hot as I realized that the room was now near dead silent. I was afraid to lift my gaze from the floor and as I did, I saw exactly what I had feared. Everyone had stopped what they were doing, all eyes were looking at me expectantly.
I looked back to the floor and cursed under my breath, slowly starting to move backwards whether I was aware of it or not. I risked another glance up and saw the boy with the eye patch moving toward the front of the mass of boys.
"What are you doin' heah?" The boy with the patch asked me, sounding friendlier than I would have expected after our last encounter. I saw him, along with all the others, looking me over with expressions of confusion and some even slight concern on their faces.
Most of them were now looking between me and the boy with the patch.
I went to respond but before a could another boy broke in.
"What Kid, you know her?"A dark haired boy asked, removing a cigar from his mouth and motioning to me.
"Well not exact . . "
"Who is she Blink?" Another asked, moving toward the front to get a better look at what was going on. I remembered him as the other boy selling papers in the park earlier that day.
"Mush, I said I don't exact . ."
"Well you talked like ya knew her"
"Well I don't really know her, I mean I ran inta her a while back and. ."
I stood unmoving. My eyes darted between the speaking boys, continually interrupting each other. I tried to get up enough nerve to speak and slowly took a tiny step forward.
"I . . well I, uh. . ." I knew no one could hear me over the other boys and I would have to speak up. I noticed the boy with the cigar eyeing me curiously, and removing it again he shouted..
"Hey! Put a lid on it wouldja?"As the room went silent, many of the boys sending quick glares to the boy, He gave me a nod as if to say 'go ahead'.
"I'm sorry. ." why am I apologizing? "I'm jist lookin' for someone . ."
There was a long pause as I remembered how the boy with the eye patch had reacted. I glanced over to him in the sea of expectant faces, and his was the only one gazing at me suspiciously. It wasn't the same look as I had received from him before though. Now it had a hint of confusion in it, as if he wasn't sure he made the right judgment last time, after seeing me here now.
Thunder cracked outside as it seemed one of the newsboys, clearly an impatient one, couldn't take the silence anymore and asked irritably
"Well who ya lookin' for huh?" I glanced over at him quickly and decided I would get nowhere by facing all these boys. I turned back to face the old man again, who was still smiling warmly, and tried to get it over with.
"His name's Francis Sullivan?" I tried to speak quickly to be sure I would just get it out. I had become so used to asking for him, the name always came out as a question.
I tore my gaze from where it had returned to the floor to glance up at the old man. His smile faded only slightly, and he had an almost worried look on his face. I wasn't given much time to consider his expression as a voice came forward from the boys, a voice I had heard earlier, and I turned to face it abruptly.
"An' what do ya want with him, huh?" It was the boy with the cigar again, He was gazing at me with a such a cold look that it made me instinctivly pull at my coat.
"Ya, what are ya lookin' for him for?"another voice asked from the group. I took one more glance at the faces and had to return my gaze to the floor. It was too much.
I started mumbling apologies under my breath, looking at my shoes.. By now they were all talking, not so much to me anymore, but to each other.
"What is she doin' lookin' for him?"
"How do ya spose she knows dat name?"
"Ya, no one calls him dat, no one cept snyder.."
"Hey, maybe shes woiken for him"
"A goil ta do his doity woik for him? Dats low, even for him"
"Well I aint even shoa all da newsies know his real name, not ta mention strangers.."
"Where is he anyhow huh?"
"Still out"
"It be much easiah if he was heah..."
I could hardly understand what they were saying as they all spoke over each other, but from what I had gathered, they knew exactly who I was looking for.
"So . . . do ya know wheah I can find him?" I peeped, glancing up at them all again, hope brimming in my eyes.
Once again there was a long silence as they all looked at me, seemingly judging me, sizing me up just like the boy with the patch had done.
The boy with the cigar stepped forward with a face that appeared to be void of expression.
"We don't know what you're talkin' about okay? Now how bout ya git lost." he said as he leaned against the desk, puffing at his cigar casually.
I stared at him for a moment. I must have had a look of complete hurt on my face, because when I turned to look out at the other boys, many of them looked to the floor or around the room, avoiding my eyes and looking guilty. Even the boy with the patch, I noticed, looked different. He was giving me what I believed was an apologetic look.
I must have stood there for a while because the boy with the cigar chimed in again.
"scram!"
He said it right to my face. I slowly started moving backwards. I felt my eyes start to burn as I looked to the boy questioningly but he turned away quickly, either out of annoyance or guilt, I couldn't tell. I felt like screaming. I just wanted to explain myself. I wanted to pull out the picture that was still in my pocket, explain to them I was looking for my brother, but it was useless. I could barely speak as it was. Suddenly I felt a warm tear run down my cheek. I reached up as fast as I could to wipe it away. I felt my face turning red in shame and embarrassment. As the thunder rolled once again outside, I turned and ran, yanking open the door and sprinting out into the pouring rain. I didn't look back.