Roo motioned for Tigger to follow him upstairs. Once they were in his bed chamber Roo closed the door for privacy. Tigger rolled his eyes at the electric blue I- Mac that sat perched on top of Roo's desk like a king on a throne. "Buddy stealer," he thought.
"I just have to wake it up," Roo said.
"Wake it up?" Tigger asked.
"Yeah dude, the computer is asleep," said Roo. He sat down and clicked the mouse. The computer awoke from its slumber.
"So what's so fascinating about this thing?" Tigger demanded.
"I'm going to show you something," said Roo as he logged himself online. "You have to promise not to tell anyone, especially Mom and Dad."
"You can count on me," Tigger said.
"Promise?" Asked Roo.
"Roo did I tell on you the time you smuggled a bottle of your Dad's vodka up to your room and guzzled the whole bottle over a fifteen minute period?" Tigger said. "I had Kanga convinced you had food poisoning from some organic tofu burger slop that she had made that night for dinner. And when you were puking all over the place the next morning she kissed your ass and let you stay home from school and went out and bought you a new Play Station game."
"Well okay," said Roo. "Pinky swear?"
"Oh honestly Roo spit it out," Tigger demanded. "What did you do? Blow up a gas station? Scalp Detroit Lions tickets?
"I show you now," Roo said as he clicked his way into his online mailbox. "I have a girlfriend."
"Great," said Tigger. "At least it's not a boyfriend."
"She's in Russia," Roo went on.
"Russia?" Tigger asked. "Well Russian chicks are hot. Where'd you meet her? She an exchange student or something?"
"Hell no," Roo laughed. "She cleans houses and does some modeling. She lives in a flat with her mother."
"That's nice," Tigger replied. "She hot?"
"Oh yes," said Roo.
"Blonde?" Tigger asked.
"Yes."
"Blue eyed?"
"Uh huh."
"Then what's the big problem?" Tigger asked. "Why so secretive?"
"She's thirty-two," Roo squeaked.
"What!" Tigger screamed.
"Shush. I don't want Mom coming up here," Roo said.
"What in the hell are you doing with a thirty-two year old Russian babe?" Tigger asked. "Better yet what the hell is a thirty-two year old Russian babe doing with a third grade Joey from the backwoods of Detroit?"
"Well she doesn't know I'm a third grade Joey," Roo said. "I kind of sweetened the pot a little."
"What does she know?" Tigger asked. "Where'd you meet her?"
"On the web," Roo answered. "We've been writing for about a month. She's sent me some pictures." Roo opened his mailbox to reveal some photos of a voluptuous, blond, Russian chick sitting with her legs crossed in an extremely short skirt and midriff top. Some of the other photos had even racier poses or her lying naked under bed covers with the pouty deer-in-the-headlights look.
"Wow," Tigger exclaimed. "Whoa." He was speechless.
"Hey Tigger you're drooling," Roo laughed. "Wait until you read what she writes to me." Roo clicked on some of the letters she had sent so Tigger could read them.
My Darling Roo,
Your letters make me feel like a rose blossoming on a new spring day, I await your letters with great anticipation, like a child on Christmas morn. My whole day is a flood of light when you write to me. Even though we have never met I can feel your strong manly biceps holding me like a butterfly in a cocoon. I feel safe and secure when you are near so I sleep with your letters under my pillow. I love you and I know I would love America because it is a part of you. I hope you take care and do not get too stressed out with your work. I know you are very busy with your patients and I admire your skill and hard work. You are the ideal man. I long to be one of your patients so I could feel your strong, steady, hands upon me, curing me from all that is bad and wrapping me endlessly in your love.
With kisses, hugs, and snuggles,
Your Sveta.
"Your Sveta?" Tigger said.
"Ain't she cool?" Roo replied.
"What's the patient stuff she rattles on about?" Tigger asked. "What work are you so stressed about? Third grade ain't stressful."
"She doesn't know I'm in the third grade," Roo said quietly.
"What does she know about you?" Tigger asked. Instead Roo brought up an online greeting card from Blue Mountain that Sveta had sent.
"Isn't this cute?" It had a puppy who popped out of a doghouse holding a huge heart.
"She sends cards adequate enough for a third grader," Tigger said. "Roo aren't you concerned at all? She's an adult and she sounds like she's got some feelings for you. You're a child. That kind of stuff is illegal."
"She's in Russia I am here," said Roo. "Nothing is going to happen. I'm not going to press charges. I wrote to her first anyway."
"I still don't get why she would even reply to a kid," Tigger said.
"Well what if she didn't know that I'm a kid," Roo replied. He began to click and bring up other letters from Sveta.
"Roo what the hell does this chick know about you?" Tigger demanded.
"That I'm a thirty-five year old neurosurgeon who drives a jaguar, works out at the gym, and likes to take long walks on the beach," Roo squeaked.
"Roo!" Tigger gasped. "Those are all big fat lies. You could get caught."
"Oh Tigger she's in Russia. She's poor. She has no money. She can't pay to have me fly over there or vice versa. We'll just write back and forth. It's fun. She's getting cultured. She's even taking some English lessons now but we still use the translator."
"Translator?" Tigger asked.
"Yeah. I met Sveta through an agency called Russian Romance. On their web site you can browse hundreds of photos of gorgeous Russian chicks and pick one to your liking that you would like to write to. The letters go through a translator because I don't speak Russian and Sveta's English is shaky. The agency also offers gifts that you can buy and send. For our one month anniversary I sent Sveta some perfume, and she sent me a shaving set."
"You don't shave yet," Tigger said. "Kangaroos never shave. Does she know you're a kangaroo."
"No," Roo squeaked. "But what she doesn't know can't hurt her. She's poor she has nothing in dreary, communist, Russia, to look forward to except my letters. You read how it's like her Christmas. Let her be happy. Let her have some joy."
"Until she finds out you're a kid, you're a kangaroo, and you drive a tricycle," Tigger added.
"She won't she's in Russia. Please don't tell Mom," said Roo. "Sveta's really hot. I don't see any danger in what I'm doing."
"I won't tell your mom on one condition," Tigger announced. "You tell me how I can get a Russian chick to email, and let me use your computer sometimes to do it."