I LOVE EVERYONE OF YOU WHO FAVORITE AND FOLLOW THIS STORY! YOU ARE AMAZING AND SPECIAL! I truly love all the comments that y'all leave me. It always puts a smile on my face to open the thing up and see that I have more comments. I was pleased when I noticed that someone commented on where I got all the names of the previous commanders from. Skyrim is one of my all-time favorite video games.
I have a playlist that has over 400 classical songs that rang all the way from Beethoven to themes from shows. I was in the middle of writing a 10-page paper and the Clexa theme from season 3 came on and I literally stopped everything and just got really sad. I don't know whether to be proud or sad that I knew the song within 5 seconds of the opening sounds.
Also going to start another story and I know many will not read it so it won't be too long but it will have a woman named Mal who is the twin sister of Clarke. She was placed in the skybox at the age of 9 because she attacked a guard because he talked about how she was meaningless and should be forgotten or floated. The skybox brakes off and lands in Azgeda. She meets the Queen and forms a close bond with Ontari. The story picks up in Season 3 Episode 2.
I own nothing!
Chapter Five
Clarke was once more leaving the village before she went to sleep. I had snuck out of my tent the previous night to follow Clarke after I had watched her leave the safety of camp. It was not easy to follow her under the cover of darkness, especially because she spent almost an hour running at a steady pace but soon became clear that she was running in an extremely large circle around the camp. Close enough to be able to be there if something happened but far enough away to not have the camp within sight. It was easy to tell that she was training and working to increase her speed and endurance. That was certainly one thing I had noticed from her fight with both Gustus and Indra was that she became tired very quickly. It was easy to see the annoyance on her face as she fought with all of her strength and speed which wasn't much. If she had not won the match against Indra so quickly and Had decided to prolong it then she would have lost.
Once she was done with running, Clarke began to do a cycle of exercises. The first thing was a series of push-ups, then moving onto sit-ups. After this was done she worked on a series of kicks, then moving onto a series of punches. It did not look like she was trying to get stronger but as though she was trying to keep her form constant, by starting out slow and then slowly gaining speed for each set.
It was strange to watch this because from the knowledge that I had gained about her showed that she did none of these things. The few times that they had spoken about this leader, it was how she was a healer and not a fighter. She wouldn't risk any of her people and to make matters stranger all of the previous Commanders told me to trust her, that she would do everything in her power to protect our people and do what was best. In the four days that I had known her, a strange emotion would fill me. Longing would swell in my chest, the want to give her gifts, and the need, not the want but the need to hold her would almost overwhelm me. These feelings put me on edge and I made sure to try and spend as little time in her presence as possible hoping that such feelings would go away but they haven't and seemed to just grow the longer time passes. It also did not help that I was having dreams but when I awoke I could not remember anything from them but the occasional cold laughter and always the strange pain in my shoulder and across my chest.
She was an interesting leader though, it was strange that she had known what was needed to gain the respect that would elevate her to a leader. She had personally delivered that boy Finn to me. His name filling me with disgust knowing that he had killed all those people for her. The look she had on her face once I had given her my terms was one of disgust. Fear went down my spine till I realized it was not because of my request but because of that boy.
The flash of silver pulled me from my thoughts and that was when she began to almost dance and I was awestruck. Her skill was amazing, something she should not know how to do because it looked as though she had spent years working on her skill with a dagger.
During the fight she had used her swords the entire time with considerable skill but this? The cycles that she ran through began with just one knife in her right hand before switching to her left, then finally using two daggers at the same time. I wanted to go down and work with her. My skill with a dagger seemed to be almost below hers, but my true skill with daggers lied in throwing. My aim was impeccable and was a boon when fighting more than one opponent.
Then a quick flash of a memory swam through my mind of myself throwing a dagger into some man's arm before looking away into fear ridden blue eyes. This was occurance that had started to occur since Clarke had first walked into my tent. I have repeatedly asked the previous Commanders what they know about this but have never received an answer. The one thing that truly worries me is that I will sometimes get a look of deep sadness from the first Commander Becca. This only brings thoughts of worry and a slight sick feeling in my stomach.
Another hour passed like this before she finally stopped. Her light-colored shirt was now dark, and she was panting heavily. What was truly odd though seemed to be that she was extremely aggravated and not truly satisfied. Slowly she completed a series of stretches before finally taking a drink from her water cannister, and some dried jerky that I know came from the food I had placed in her saddlebags.
Finally, she seemed to stretch her back a little before looking around the clearing, panic setting in when her eyes seemed to find mine. She had not looked in this direction of tree the entire time but instead of coming over to investigate she just shook her head and made her way back to camp. I was quick to return to my tent silently make inside without alerting anyone to my absence.
My dream that night was strange, much of it spent running from something I could not see or hear but just knowing that something was coming for me. I woke up feeling deeply unsettled and tried to speak to the others but I received no warnings or comments from the previous Commanders and had a feeling that knew a lot more than what they were letting slip. For some reason great uncle Farkas had a self-satisfied grin on his face when I had asked about the burned throne. All of the Commanders had been tight lipped about it, it had been awhile since I had felt that frustrated.
The day had passed quickly and before I knew it we had made it Ton D.C. and finally we were standing in front of a burned pyre. The smoke slowly rising from the charred pieces of wood. Her eyes were deeply pained as she stood next to me. The small verbal spar that ensued was not what I had expected, especially when she pointed out something that I knew but did not wish to accept. Of course, I will not admit that being told I was a liar was one of the few things that never settled well with me. Then she grabbed me, something that would usually end with a swift punch to the face, but I couldn't bring myself to do such a thing to her. This unfortunately did nothing well for my already fiery temper. In the end, the promise slid past my lips before I could stop it.
The feast that followed went extremely well and I was pleased to see how well both Skaikru and Trikru got along with each other. The fight that ensued between Gustus and Clarke over whether her knives were deadlier than him with his sword was quite comical but that might have been because if Clarke had used her knives in her fight instead of swords, she might have had an increased chance of beating him. Gustus had the strength but he was not as fast as he wished he was. Though I did explain that if she didn't have the speed to escape a hit then she would have almost instantly lost.
I was slightly surprised though to see Clarke leaving once more to go train because I had watched her all day and it was to tell that she was incredibly stiff and sore. Ignoring the questioning glance from Gustus, I made my way over to Ryder who was standing guard at the entrance to where I was staying while still in Ton D.C.
"Mafta em op, ai op weron em hos of. Shil op em nat," I order Ryder. He only nods his head before leaving the front gate to follow Clarke in the dark. (A/N: "Follow her, see where she goes. Protect her this night.")
Once he disappears into the night, I make my way inside my chambers, Gustus following behind me.
"Chit's gon daun?" Gustus asks. (What's going on?)
Slowly I begin to work my gauntlets off, before moving onto all the buckles and straps on my coat. "She did this the previous night as well. She plans to train but I do not trust her alone in these woods. We are close to where the reapers roam and I do no wish for her to be attacked by a pack of them when she is by herself. Now I am tired and much needs to be done tomorrow. Reshop, Gostos," my last words are spoken softly, with a small smile on my face. Acknowledging the fact that Clarke was at least correct on how deeply I cared for the man in front of me.
"What you speak is true and while she is skilled, I do not think she is skilled enough to fight off a pack of reapers. Sleep well, Heda," bowing his head slightly before leaving the room, no doubt to stand guard till another comes to take his place.
Once I slip under the furs, I fall asleep quickly, my last thoughts are of Clarke.
Smoke hung heavy in my nose, my hands were gripping my swords in a tight grip. Noticing that much of my muscles were strained as though I ran a great distance, but each breath was controlled. I was leaning down and was staring into the tear-filled green eyes of a little girl, eyes who seemed to almost match mine but are only slightly darker, with blonde hair as yellow as the sun, before standing and pushing the dresser over the large hole and hearing a click. Instantly taking note that my arms were almost completely covered in many different scars. Many of them were extremely thick as though they had been reopened on many occasions and other were burned closed.
I didn't recognize where I was, but it was easy to determine that this room, was essentially in a cave. The furniture was all pushed against the walls, with random drawings hung around the room, many greatly resembled me, but I did not draw, becoming even more confused. A dark and sick feeling settled in my stomach when I saw that many of the pictures were of my face. Of course, there were many more of others, some looked like those of the Skaikru but more were simply of me. There was something very wrong here, not only because I did not know where I was, but these were memories. Memories that did not come from one of the Commanders before me because I had already witnessed all of their deaths.
Something heavy slammed against the door, and I ducked just in time to miss the chair that would have knocked me to ground. The foreign feeling rose with a vengeance. Hate, a hate so strong that red was slowly creeping from the sides of my vision. The woman who walked in was wearing my pauldron, and I could see the handle of my knife tucked away on her hip. My stomach rolled, and I felt bile rise in my throat.
"I see we meet again. You don't deserve to wear that pauldron or have the flame you ripa," words spat past my lips. The voice sounded familiar, the familiarity tingling at the tip of my tongue for a name.
The black-haired girl with the Azgeda markings just smirked as she pulled her sword. The sword that was mine, a sword that had been changed from its smooth edge to jagged spikes. The woman noticed my stare, her smile growing wider. "Do you like my weapon? I know it has been sometime since we have seen each other but surely you recognize this blade. I hope you know that I have killed many of your people with this sword. Their screams were pitiful just like the screams of your bitch mother."
The last words caused a memory to flash forward in mind of a dark blonde-haired woman with sad brown eyes, covered in cuts, tied to a pole as she closed her eyes for the last time. The woman in the memory greatly resembled Abby Griffin, Clarke's mother. My chest burned and then the body was rushing forward, the swords in my hand swinging gracefully in two different directions.
My left arm going high and my right low. The girl, Ontari, whispers filled my mind, catching my left, and jumping back narrowly missing the right. The fight was intense, but my body instantly knew what to do, finally landing a harsh kick to Ontari's chest, throwing her into the dresser. My swords coming down the left being blocked, but the right landing and cutting deep into her right shoulder. The hand twisting to sword causing the woman to groan in pain before releasing the sword and stabbing the girl with a knife that was pulled from my back.
The things that were beginning to line up from this were not looking good and the burned throne in the Commanders throne room was beginning to make more sense but it made me wonder why there was even a throne present to begin with. A strong force pushes me away and my chest is cut open by the jagged sword, the wound burning but I could not tell if it was simply from the cut or from poison that Azgeda was well known to use. My life's blood running down my heavily worn leather armor. The wound was devastating but not life threatening yet. I swung my right sword toward to woman only to have the sword knocked away.
A loud snap filled the room and pain flared from my knee, not able to stop myself from screaming. A scream that I knew I would never make only because I had been trained from a young age to never show weakness but also because that wasn't my scream. It was higher in pitch but even I had to admit the woman had hit my knee at such the right angle that my entire knee was shattered. Already even after being knocked to the ground, I could tell that I would not be able to put any weight on it. The utterly vicious smile on her face greatly reminded me of her queen.
"It seems like you are finally where you belong, on your knees before me," Ontari's voice sounding like venom, though the cracks from the pain she was in were easy to hear. Her left hand was keeping the dagger in place, in an effort to slow down her bleeding. Then ever so slowly she slowly pushed her sword through the leather of my armor. The sword going easily through my shoulder muscles. Another scream escaping past my lips as more dark black blood escaped the weakening body I seemed to be trapped in. Already I could feel every part of my body becoming heavier.
My left arm slowly reached back before shooting out and lodging a dagger firmly into her throat. Ontari lurching back, ripping the sword through my arm. The clenched fist of my right hand falling limp, as I moan in agony. I can feel tears running down my face as I feel overcome with emotion but still seem to feel hollow inside.
Hundreds of faces passing through my mind, each of their deaths ranging from suicide and sickness, all the way to being hit in the back with a large ax. The body I am in slowly pulls itself closer to the dead Heda, rolling her onto her stomach. The mark of the Commander easily spotted on her neck. A voice inside my head whispering words of longing, most of them calling my name. A deep sadness taking root in my mind. The bloody hand reaching forward and cutting along the old scar, only for the memory to stop, when the flame is pulled from the woman's neck.
"You shouldn't be here," a deeply saddened voice startles me, as I feel myself sucked from the body I was trapped in, taking note that I am back in my normal clothes. I know that it is Becca speaking to me but all I can do is take in the woman's body I was just in.
She is laying with her back against the dresser with a relieved and resigned look plastered on her face. She is a couple years older, already having some wrinkles present on her face, as though she spent too much time scowling. Scars, that still looked raw, as well as many healed over burns cover every available inch of her skin and my stomach turns at the knowledge that these scars aren't caused from a fight but by torture. The lines much to evenly spread apart and after finally getting a good look at her left arm, knew that the wound would be what ends her life.
The arm was barely holding on by a few pieces of tissue. The sword slash spread from her left shoulder to her right hip. The cut was jagged and was actually deeper than it had felt. Clarke was bleeding out quickly, already a large pool was spreading around her body, as well as the large drag mark, that was left by her body as she dragged herself over. A deep sadness seemed to be trying to crush my chest, at the knowledge that even if she had a fisa with her it would be too late. I wanted to scream and cry, the need to destroy whoever followed Ontari and all who she knew.
The scene that is in front of me slowly cracking and falling away to leave behind the Throne Room of the Commanders. My eyes instantly shifting to the throne that was charred, burned, and hacked to pieces, only to be surprised to find the throne had been repaired and the sigil for the clan being that of the Skaikru.
Deep-seated worry spread through my bones, down to my very soul. All the feelings I had for the girl slipping away, realizing that she will be what comes next. It will not be Aden the most promising of my nightbloods, but I couldn't help but wonder what had happened to him, or any of my other novitiates. Shaking my head, I finally turn to meet the eyes of Becca and I couldn't help but feel the slight burn in my eyes.
Cold hard acceptance coursing through my veins and curiosity at what ended my life. "What is this?" my voice is hard, trying extremely hard to stay respectful knowing that Farkas will slam me into the floor. It would not be the first time it has happened, when I had first taken the position and had lost Costia, I had reacted harshly when Becca told me that I needed to look past the hate, due to needing Azgeda to fall in line.
"That was not a memory you needed to see, Lexa. I am not sure how you were able to even view them. She did not wish for you to see what was to come to pass," Becca's voice seemed to crack near the end from deep sadness.
"What was that?" my voice almost soft. My hands clenching into fists as I tried to control the overwhelming amount of feelings that were flooding my entire being. It felt as though my entire being was in conflict with myself. The anger was boiling through my veins at feeling such strong emotions at witnessing what seemed to be Clarke's death, to not knowing why I was even witnessing such an event, and that she looked to have suffered greatly in whatever life this was.
Then to make matters worse I was feeling something that I have not felt since Costia, utter devastation. My chest was tight, and I could not take a full breath, as though my entire body was beginning to shut down. My eyes are burning, and my vision was fighting to stay clear, but I knew if I blinked my eyes then I would be crying. My next breath once more hitched and I finally took note of how it felt as though someone was gripping my heart in their hand. Feeling as though the hand was increasing its grip, slowly crushing the delicate organ. The pressure is slowly increasing as well as a sharp intense pain in my head. My brain felt as though it was pounding and I couldn't figure out why.
Finally, I relented and gripped my chest. "What is this?"
"My death," a solemn voice spoke. My eyes widened in surprise when I finally turned and sitting in what I thought to be an empty throne was now filled. Clarke's form continued to flash between her younger and older self. The changes are even more pronounced before finally stopping on her younger self. The foreign feelings that had continued to swirl through my body and mind was slowly fading away, leaving my body almost numb and finally in control.
"Arkadia was destroyed…my people slaughtered," she took a deep breath before sitting straighter, her eyes now cold as ice. The temperature seemed to slowly lower and even I could not stop the small sliver of fear that ran down my back.
"I was the last…everyone I had known and loved was taken from me," her voice not wavering.
"Clarke, who was that woman?" I already feared what she was about to tell me.
"I was the reason you died. That woman was Ontari who became the next Heda," accidently flinching at hearing the utter hatred that spat through her words. An uncomfortable feeling was forming in my stomach. What happened to my little ones? Bile churning and fighting its way up from the next words that spilled from her mouth.
"When you died Ontari the Queen's nightblood killed the natblida's in their sleep. She sent me Aden's head because he was your favored," stopping herself from continuing from saying something further, her once bright blue eyes were now darkened in both anger and grief.
Bile gathered in my mouth and the grief that filled me weighed down heavily upon me. My hands clenching at my stomach as I continued trying to swallow all the bile that was forming in my mouth. The need to throw up slowly increasing. My little ones because they are mine, were taken in such a cruel way but why would she send Clarke his head. I had too many questions, but I pushed back all my overwhelming feelings.
"Your death is the catalyst that brought about the downfall of not only my people but yours as well," my eyes widened. A strained pained sound escaped my lips, rising from deep within my chest.
"Once Ontari took control of the 13 clans, she brought down the full might of her armies and destroyed Arkadia. 400 of my people joined me and we went to the deserts to escape the large contingent of soldiers after us. 500 had already died while in Arkadia and Pike had taken just as large a group as mine but instead of running, they fought back. His group barely it past a year," Clarke quieted once more.
"By the end of the first month, we were down to 150 people. I made it to almost five years before Ontari finally found us and you know how that encounter happened."
"I have more than one question and you will answer them all," my voice layered in steel as I stared her down, forcing back all the different emotions I was feeling. I placed down all my walls only allowing my more analytical side to show through.
"Ask away Lexa," her voice spoken calmly, which was strange to see paired with her eyes that were slightly watered over.
"Aden…" I start before changing my mind. "You said that my death was your fault. How so?"
Clarke at this question then bowed her head, looking truly remorseful.
"Titus, he believed that I was not a good influence around you. I had convinced you of Jus nou drein jus daun. Lexa, you welcomed in my people as the 13th clan, he believed that I was making you weak because I had convinced you to not wipe out my people when a few had decided that this was their land now, instead you had created a five-mile-wide blockade around Arkadia."
"Why? Why would I do that?" I ask incredulously, almost scoffing.
"We had become close. You had opened yourself up and had deemed Titus' lesson of 'Hodness nou laik knewlnes,' to not be entirely true," she was still not looking at me, but it was easy to see that she was lost in her memories. More memories that I had never or lived before seemed to almost escape past their cells. I could almost feel the ghosting of finger tips along my back with the whispering of words that I couldn't truly figure out. Clarke's grip was so hard that her knuckles were white.
"I'm glad you finally decided to ignore his teaching! I hated that man!" a crazed voice yells out. Quickly recognizing that Sheogorath is once more yelling about his hatred for Titus.
"Oh please do shut up! One more word and you'll meet the business end of my bo-staff," ordered Cicero. His head thrown back against his throne, looking to be blocking out what was happening around him.
"How did this cause my death then? He would never hurt me," I spoke harshly, ignoring how Sheogorath was opening his mouth to fire back another comment.
Clarke actually let out a small self-deprecating laugh, my insides burned at what felt like a slight. "You had invited me to stay on your side of the blockade and Titus believed that by having me stay it would put the Coalition further at risk. I was leaving though when I returned to my room in the Tower of Polis."
Finally, she looked up and there were tears in her eyes with more trailing down her smooth face. "When I opened the door, Murphy was sitting in a chair, tied up and looking as though he was beaten half to death. I had rushed forward and pulled off the gag in his mouth only for Titus to begin talking, surprising me greatly. He began speaking of how Murphy was caught stealing along one of the main roads. Which didn't surprise me in the least."
"Then he pulled a gun from behind his back and began to apologize to me that it must be done. That I needed to be out of the picture and when I told him that I was leaving Polis, he spoke of how that was not good enough that even with me out of Polis I could still influence her," her words spoken harshly. The unsteady feeling in my gut was returning as I already understood where this was going.
"He said that with me dead then you would go back to doing your duty. When I told Titus that she would know that it was him, he pointed out how it was a Skaikru weapon and she would believe that it was Murphy. He then open fired after saying he hoped you would be angry enough to declare war. Then he fired but continued to miss, obviously not used the recoil on the gun."
I could almost hear the gunshots and for some reason, all I could feel was fear, an almost uncontrollable fear coursing through my body. My breathing began to speed up and each breath wasn't enough for my lungs.
"I threw a chair, hitting him before running to the door. Except the door opened. The door opening just as my hand touched the handle. Then one more gun shot filled the air and I had taken a step back when the door opened," her words ending in a ragged sob. Becca at this point at walked over to Clarke and placed a steady hand onto her shoulder as Clarke reigned in her emotions. Her sobs sounded like those of a broken animal and I so greatly wanted to walk over and take her in my arms but I locked myself down once more and forced myself to stay still. A strange and sharp phantom pain, flashing in my gut though pulled me back to the present.
"If I hadn't taken that step back then it would have hit me. It didn't though. It had hit you instead. I tried to save you…oh god how I tried but the wound was too severe."
Clarke's voice caused a physical ache in my chest. Her words sounded strained, as though each word that she spoke broke something inside of her. Clarke then stood and made her way over till she was standing in front of me.
Her eyes were red and blood shot, the blue now even more striking. It was as though the blue had been ripped from the sky and placed in her eyes. Then she fell heavily to her knees, the sound almost echoing through the chamber. Every previous Commander's eyes were focused intently on the blonde now.
"I am so sorry. In my life I have lost many, my father, my mother, everyone that I knew, and love was taken from me but your death was my deepest regret. Gustus was right Lexa…" with those words she looked up and her eyes were burning as she stared at me.
"Yu sou laik kongeda-de, Leska. You are what holds everything in place. I made my vow to you in blood because I would not allow the mistakes of my past to become your downfall once more. There are things that you need to know, important things for our future to flourish instead of death," then Clarke was standing once more and made her way over to her throne which she threw herself into.
"The first is that when people from the Ark came down one of the stations fell into Azgeda territory. You need to send out riders to find and return them here. The hatred from that group is what causes the war to begin in earnest."
I didn't interrupt Clarke but nodded my head in understanding, as I made my way over to sit on my own throne, feeling weirdly nervous to be the only one left standing.
"Lexa I need you to tell me you understand. This is extremely important, if my people are not brought back now then Azgeda will work towards slaughtering them and when they were finally found a deep hatred had already formed for any grounder," she almost pleaded but I could still hear the steel in her tone.
"I will send out riders in the morning to help bring your people back to Camp Jaha, Clarke."
"Thank you. Now the second thing you need to know. When Bellamy finally gets the acid fog down and we are stationed at the front gate, the mountain is going to offer you a deal. In the original time line, you accepted this deal but there was a caveat to this deal."
"President Wallace will offer you the return of your people as well as to never take anymore to turn into reapers or used for their blood. This was done in return for you leaving and taking your army with you. Do you see the problem with this?"
My mind already running through all the different scenarios. "Where are your people?"
"Mine were not part of the deal. You left after that and I did not see you again for three months. I defeated the mountain and gained the honorable title of Wanheda. A name I used to sweep fear to all those who crossed my blades."
"You are leaving something out though. Something that I am missing. I can see it written all over your face," my voice slightly biting.
"You are not wrong and I do not know if you had even considered it in the first time line. By leaving my people you ensured that the mountain would be able to venture forth from their prison. They would have had the ability to move about freely and take what they wanted and would use their weapons and missiles to take what they wanted. No longer would they be confined to their bunker."
Her words shocked me my very core because I had not taken that into account. She has spoken before about how the mountain was using her peoples bone marrow when we first met but I had not realized the extent of them allowing to have such a thing.
"They are next to Trikru territory. We would be the first to be forced from our lands and they would still have their weapons and bombs. There would be no fighting them! My people would be crushed and even if I forced the rest of the armies to join we would still lose too many, not only would I deplete the armies from my people but also the other warriors from many more. I could cause a vote of no confidence if the loss is too many…" a sharp jerk from the corner of my eye caught attention and it was Clarke. I could see she wasn't telling me something.
My eyes narrowed at her. "What happened?" Another hazy memory came to the forefront of my mind of a spear being thrown straight and true into the chest of another. There was a slight pain across my palm and I couldn't help but look down to see if I had damaged the limb without noticing but the only thing that happened was a quick flash of a deep cut, spilling my black blood before it faded away back to clear skin.
My breathing began to pick up once more before I took a deep breath and raised my eyes once more to Clarke and waited for the response. I needed to know everything so that I knew what needed to be done to save both my people and Clarke's but by asking for my memories I had a suspicious feeling that I would be gaining all my memories of after my death.
"Jus drien jus daun, Leska. You achieved your vengeance. You killed the Queen and achieved the goal that was denied to you some time ago," her words brought strength to me. I could not help but puff my chest out and allowed some of the immense guilt of Costia's death and letting her murderer still live, slip away.
The image of walking into my room after a long day of waiting for my riders to return from their search for her, to find that the horror that awaited within. I had not known by that time that it had been Azgeda who had taken my precious love from me. The only information known that the group she was traveling with was attacked by bandits and that her body was not found among the dead. Her hair had been mostly removed, all of her black curls that I had always love to twirl around my fingers were gone. Her dark rich face seemed to be almost black from bruising and the harsh marks of Azgeda were crudely carved into her face. The worst part was that her eyes were open and the dark chocolate pools still held the horror that she must have endured.
This memory slowly began to fade away and locked deep in my mind but with significantly less guilt that followed. It was replaced once more with the memory of when she left Polis to go back to the village she grew up in to see her ailing mother. The sun had been shining off of her hair and surrounded her in an almost dark hallow. All of her teeth were visible and her eyes seemed to almost shine with joy as she gave me one last lingering look before urging her horse forward once more with the rest of the traders and warriors that were following on the trip. I didn't realize that I was even crying till a slight sob burst from my chest as my hand finally reached my chest and clenched over my heart.
My dark coat almost tearing at the strength of my grip as my heart finally seemed to unclench after all these years. It did not matter that I had yet to take my revenge but to know that I had finally achieved my deepest desire was a balm to my soul. I would make sure that the same thing came to pass in this time because I wanted to be able to kill her once more, even if I could not remember the first time that I had done such a thing.
Strong arms closed around me almost squashing my arms further into my chest but I couldn't help but relax into them. Hidden memories allowing me to sink into Clarke's arms. Her smell wrapping around me in a warm blanket helping soothe the immense relief that after all these many years I was Finally feeling. She smelled like the air did once a large thunderstorm had passed. It was as though her scent was picked from the sky.
I did not realize the massive amount of guilt that I had carried over for the last 4 years. The weight of that guilt that I had convinced myself that I had kept locked away that did not affect me was a lie. Clarke was right. I had never processed the grief that I had felt after her death. It felt as though I could finally take a large breath of air without feeling it being clipped short.
"I need to know what happened," my own voice coming out haggard. The tears had finally run dry and part of me felt free.
Clarke's arms tightened around me to the point that some of the air was forced from my body. "You don't want to remember. I can't have you go through that again," she pleaded with me.
She finally pulled back, her eyes were still red and fresh tear tracts were still on her face.
I pushed her far enough away that I could grab her shoulders in a tight grip. "I need to remember. Two minds are always better than one. You may have become the Commander after me but I need to know Clarke. There might be something you are missing or important that you had not known about. If I remember then maybe you can learn something new that you didn't know before. Some plot that was deeper in the works than what you knew," my hands gripping her arms tighter.
"Lexa is right Clarke. I know what I said but she needs to know because she knows things that you have not been told," Becca's voice ringing through my head. The last thing I heard was the scream of Clarke and the sounds of shattering wood.
Memories swam behind my eyes. Hundreds of voices raced past my ears. Then I was sitting in front of Clarke once more on my throne. She began to speak words of joining my cause but she didn't seem as confident as in this time. Fear seemed to almost burn through her eyes and the desperation was clear to see. Familiar feelings of dislike and annoyance filled me at seeing such a weak leader.
The images past once more to the two of us standing in my tent after Clarke had killed the Finn boy but this time her tears were blood shot and her voice was heavy with guilt and shame. A quick flash of pity filled my body before time was once more moving.
Gustus poisoned my cup and the girl Raven had been found guilty. The anger, hatred, and shame filled my body at the thought of ignoring Gustus' warning. Clarke coming back saying it was the cup and not the liquor that Kane had brought. Then sharp betrayal and greater heart break at the loss of Gustus. The only true father figure and protector that I loved and cherished was gone.
That night I could watch and feel as I cried for hours on end over his loss. The anger that I knew he was trying to protect me but ended up putting everything I was trying to do at risk. Then remembering how Clarke had given Gustus a look earlier today when we were both about to take a drink from the cup and the utter relief in her eyes.
Time fast forwarding once more to me hitting Quint with my dagger and then hearing the roar of a puana. Clarke saved my life. I ignore the fact that I can feel the phantom pain in my ankle where the large beast had grabbed it as well as how my shoulder burned and ached.
I was leaning back against a large log, hand clutching my dagger in a tight grip as I looked at the blonde sky girl. A strange feeling that I have not felt since Costia was swimming around my chest. She was different from my people. She should have had me killed I can still see that she resents me from being the cause of Finn's death.
A stray beam of sunlight passed through the clouds and lit up Clarke as though she was an angel or some gift from the spirits. Already I could feel the change in my emotions as I passed once more through time. She had already made herself more important than she would ever know. When she awoke I couldn't help the words that slipped past my lips. I wanted to calm her nerves, to let her know that I would watch and keep her safe because she was just as important to this alliance as I was or least these were the things I seemed to tell myself.
Clarke racing back into the village two days later terrified me. I could see the worry and fear in her eyes. Her voice though strong had a certain tilt to it that let me know that she had bad news.
A missile was coming and it felt as though my heart stopped. I couldn't stop but think of how many of my people would die and it killed a part of me to leave them to their fate. Sometimes being the Commander was a job that I did not want. The decisions took much from me sometimes. Clarke was running back to her mother and as much as it pained and hurt me, I had to turn and get farther away from the village. I could not risk my death yet.
The eldest night blood was Aden and he was only 12 years old. That is too young to take the position as Heda.
The utter relief I felt at seeing Clarke alright and alive pulled at my heart and it was difficult to not bring her into a hug or touch her in some way to make that she was healthy.
Time was moving once more and I watched as Clarke marched into my tent with Ryder in front of her with her weapon pressed into his back. Her eyes were alight with fire and anger. A feeling of pleasure rushed through my body at the sight of her fight showing through. Her words angered me greatly and I could feel the almost blinding rage that her words brought from that meeting.
Then she was gone once more and I was left to my thoughts as I tried to reign my anger in once more but the longer I thought on it the more my feelings became clearer. Feelings that I thought I would never feel for another after the loss of Costia. It seemed to almost bring peace to me. I felt lighter and the sigh of relief from my confusion finally turning into true feelings. I felt no shame that I felt these things for her. It was hard to admit that I trusted her though which was the worst thing because at some point I had realized that I trusted no one. The last person I trusted was Costia and she was taken from me.
Then she spoke the words. "Then maybe life should be more than just about surviving," and something in my chest clenched at those words and a deep sadness filled me because my life up till that point was surviving and I barely trusted enough to make life more than just that.
"Maybe we do," slipped past my lips and couldn't stop looking at her. I had to take in every single aspect of Clarke. Then my eyes caught her lips and I couldn't stop myself. I wanted her. Oh god how much I wanted her.
My arm slipped behind her neck and I gently pulled her in and kissed her. Time seemed to stop as we kissed. My heart seemed to try and beat out of my chest. Her lips were soft and only slightly chapped.
Clarke was shocked at first before she finally gave in the kiss and then it was as though lightning was shooting across my closed eyes. I was amazed that no sounds escaped past my lips at how amazing this felt and how my entire body wanted to feel against me.
I shifted my face and then she was pulling back. Fear coursed through me when she finally looked up. I couldn't tell how she felt about it but it was easy to see the conflict in her eyes but not what she was conflicted about.
Of course Finn was involved, that silly boy seemed to always be involved when it came to her love life. I accepted it though when she said she wasn't ready yet only because I could see in eyes how much she wished that she was ready to do anything with me.
Time flashed forward once more. Words of our plan to enter the mountain and the chanting of our most promised words. Then I was standing in front of a large metal door standing next to Clarke asking her to join me in Polis. I knew she would love it there. The love she shows for little ones was obvious and I knew that all of my nightbloods would love her. It was easy to love her and hard to hate.
I was holding onto the switch box with Clarke as we both whispered words of promise to finding our people. Relief filled me knowing that this entire ordeal was going to be over soon and then I can take her to Polis with me. Her people would join and then she would forever have a reason to stay in my city, with only the occasional departure to see her people.
The gunfire above drew my attention and I knew that I had to go with my warriors to lead them to take them out. None of our people would be able to enter with the fighters on the ridge.
I was running forward all my men behind before finally climbing into the trees behind the soldiers and on my count jumping down and killing more than half in one go. I rushed forward slashing another soldier across his chest. The cut was deep and the man was dead as soon as he hit the ground.
I stabbed another soldier in his chest, dark red blood bubbling up and out of his mouth before he coughed, getting more blood on my face. Dark satisfaction filled me with each death of a mountain man before I was standing in front of the last. Compared to the others this man seemed to smug and when I raised my sword over my head to cut of his head, his words stopped me. He promised that his people would never take another of my people for there blood . That the mountain men would never cause my people anymore problems.
My people would be let go, only for the price of my warriors leaving this night. I almost sagged with relief before realizing something that Clarke said and something that wasn't said by this Emmerson character.
"What about the Sky People? Are they included in this deal?" my voice filled the clearing.
Triumph filled this horrid mans eyes. "No. Only your people. If you do not accept this deal then not only will your people inside the mountain be slaughtered but we will release more missiles to other villages and on your precious capital. The warriors you brought with you today will also be killed," his voice was cold and in some sick way reminded me of the Ice Queen.
My stomach rolled and bile formed in my mouth once I realized that by accepting this I guaranteed my peoples safety this day but I would lose Clarke forever. I would never be able to bring her Polis with me. I would once more be alone but I hardened my heart as Titus' words filled my head.
"I accept your offer mountain man," I hiss at him. Then I turn and begin the walk back, barely in time to keep Clarke from sacrificing my warriors.
The look of betrayel in Clarke's eyes and the anger that seemed to slowly seep across her body language hurt. Turning my back on her was one of the hardest things I had done in my life.
God did it hurt. I felt as though the small happiness that I might have made for myself was once more taken away. That night I cried. I cried for the injustice of my life and how I had to put my peoples need before my own.
I tried to harden my heart as the days turned into months. Relief was the main emotion I felt when I learned that Clarke had gotten her people out from under the mountain but then anger at myself because she had to make such a large sacrifice for her people. Knowing that she would never be the same. The ground had ruined that part of me and I could only hope that this had not hurt her to bad.
I loathed myself though. I have not felt a hate this strong towards myself since I had lost Costia. Once more I could not take my vengeance only this time there was no physical manifestation for me to hate and I was only left to hate myself.
Time passed by my eyes once more. Titus was becoming more of a nuisance to me. More than once he had questioned why I had even made a deal with the Sky People and now that they were weak I should attack or at least find this Clarke who had been given the name of Wanheda by my people and take her power.
I almost hit the man for such words. I could never kill her and even the thought of her death would cause my chest to clench because in a way I had already killed her. I had helped take away the last of her innocence.
Then word reached me of Azgeda looking for her. The Queen wanted her for herself. I couldn't let that happen. It had only been three months and Clarke was still heavily situated in my mind.
I sent Prince Roan out to find her. The man wanted his freedom, wanted to leave Polis for the first time in years. Word reached me of how Azgeda was marching in Trikru lands. This gave me the ability to still keep him prisoner.
I did not need to have Roan gone and lose the small leverage that I still maintained over Nia gone.
She was muddy and dirty. Her hair still had red dye in it and seemed almost sickly. Her cheeks were slightly sunken in and had a haunted look in her and finally I realized how much worse she had become. Several strands of her hair seemed to be almost stuck together while others looked to be made into dreads.
Then I finally realized that some of the blood was hers and looked as though she had been punched in the face a couple of times. Anger coursed through my veins in white hot rage.
"I told you to bring her to me unharmed," I hissed at Roan. He seemed almost smug when he answered.
She spit in my face and part of me felt utterly destroyed that I had ruined any chance to be even friendly to sky girl. My chest hurt and I wanted to cry. Thankfully Titus did not see me in such a state.
Clarke was going to kill me. She got a knife from someone in my tower and was going to kill me with it because of my betrayal. She dropped the knife though and I could breathe a sigh of relief.
She was beautiful in that dress. Desire coursed through my body and everything began to heat up. The woman singing seemed to bring forth some other worldly presence and it seemed to only magnify this woman's beauty.
The mountain was destroyed and while I felt that this is where things began to change for the worse. It sounded like the beginning of the war that Clarke described to me. Trepidation filled my entire being.
I dropped to my knees for the first time in my entire life and made a vow that I would follow to my dying day. She would never have to worry about the safety of her people
The Queen was brought before me and she still looked as evil and vindictive as the last time I had seen her scared face. She challenged me.
Clarke was scared and part of me felt that she was certainly losing some of the intense anger she still had towards me. It allowed a small part of me to relax. Then the fight happened and when I threw the spear and watched as it hit the Queen I couldn't stop the small build up of tears in my eyes.
We traveled to Arkadia with the body of the Queen only to find a field filled with dead warriors. For a while I could not speak. All died from either bullet wounds on their body or to the head. My stomach turned at the large number shot in the head. Meaning that they were executed. My people were killed because some man had taken over Arkadia.
I banished Emmerson to deadlands and ordered the blockade. A deep sadness swelled through my body at the thought that my life was almost over. The only thing left was my death. That was the last big event before the fall of Arkadia.
Clarke kissed me in such a way that she stole my breath away. A tear fell from my eye at the utter joy I felt in this moment. Then we were lost in our world of gentle hands and loving touches. My entire world fell away until it was only her left.
The day passed in the same way until she finally left my room to retrieve the last of her things. My eyes were already building up with tears when I heard the first gun shot. My heart stopped and then I was running.
I pushed doors open to see that my normal guards were not posted in front of my door like they should have. More gun shots rang through the hallway but no guards were near her door. The two guards that I specifically ordered to be there were gone. My stomach turned at this thought because I knew that Titus had planned this further than I had thought he would.
I finally pushed open to door and accepted the burning pain that spread through my abdomen. Though at first, I had felt nothing only the strong feeling of being pushed back by something.
Clarke's eyes were wide in shock before an almost manic focus as I was picked up by Titus and placed on her bed. Already my life's blood was spreading out around the bed and by then it was finally hurting. I wanted to scream and cry but I forced back these feelings and made Titus promise to never harm Clarke again. To protect her like I could no longer.
Everything was heavy and the voices of the Commanders were becoming louder. Telling me that it was my time. I would live on though and be able to protect her from beyond. The next Commander would be one of my nightbloods who had promised to protect her and her people. They would be safe and as she whispered the words of the prayer, my body became heavier.
Tears were landing on my face from her, joining my own that were slowly slipping down my face. I tried to fight it because I didn't want her to feel the pain that I knew was going to follow. Already I could see the love in her eyes and the devastation that screamed from her.
I tried to tell her how much I loved her. How she had become the sun to my universe. The ground had grown to love to sky. Then her lips were pressed on mine as my world slowly slipped away and I was sitting in my throne with the other Commanders standing around me.
I barely had to stop before I reached forward and grabbed Farkas in a tight hug. Sobs shaking my entire body as I allowed myself to grieve for everything that I lost. I cried for my parents who I could not remember. I cried for the love I had for all of my people that I could no longer protect.
I cried for Costia my first love because I would never see her face. For she had lost the chance to move on because of having her head removed.
I cried for Anya. My mentor, my friend, my surrogate mother, and my first. She taught me everything I needed to know about fighting. The woman who held my hand when I was lost in fever. Who made sure that I always had some fun even during my time with Titus.
I cried for Gustus. The man who protected me my entire life. Who was there one of the first times I had scraped my knees after I had been pushed by another one of nightbloods because I was so much smaller than them. Who taught me how to ride a horse when I was still small because I was scared of such a large creature.
Then finally I cried for Clarke because I knew this would not do her any good. I was always told that there was a fine line between love and hate. That she loved me just as much as I come to love her in the short period of time we were together. For the fact that I would never get to hold her in my arms again. I would not be the one to teach her fight with ground weapons.
Time passed once more. Almost a year before finally the flame was taken by another. The memories that all of the Commanders gained were sick. Ontari was the Queen's attack dog. The one that was trained from as soon as she could walk to become to perfect killing machine. She found joy in the suffering of others.
She did not care that the Queen was gone. In fact she had plans in the work to become the Queen herself but I had done the job for her. I had given her the opportunity to become the one thing she might never have.
I learned truly sick things from her mind. The anger I felt was so strong that I witnessed red in my vision when I absorbed her memories of the torture of Clarke and the death of her people. She had gathered all of the warriors from every clan and those who did not contribute were heavily punished in taxes and having their children stolen to punish the people further.
Sifting through her memories further I learned that Titus was the reason that Aden's head was sent to Clarke. She did not know of our relationship until he told her with an almost sick look on his face. He disclosed that he had also given warning to Azgeda scouts about the lover of Heda being away from the city and on the road.
Titus was going to suffer when this was all over. He would die the death of a blood eagle. I had only witnessed the death ritual once and it was bloody, violent, and still caused me to be haunted in my sleep from how gruesome a death it was. It was only done to those who personally attacked the Commander and tried to kill them. The difference with this was that poisoned old man had used my loves against me. Titus had almost succeeded in making me the 'perfect Commander' but he had not prepared for the Sky People to come down. He was not ready for Clarke to come back and breathe life back into me once more.
Ontari only visited the room once and that encounter ended with me almost killing her but I finally learned that the current holder of the flame cannot be killed by the past.
I could sit back and watch as the years continued to flash past my eyes as I watched Ontari turn my coalition into a dictatorship, eliminating those who didn't conform and giving Azgeda endless power.
I cried once more when Ontari killed Clarke's mother. It seemed that my death truly was the catalyst to the end. Then finally time seemed to stop once more when Ontari kicked the door down to room that Clarke was in and I was once more able to look upon the woman I loved. This time it was truly devastating to see the state she was in.
Clarke may have been more on the skinny side, she had built up her muscles, added with the fact that her eyes had seemed to take on a darker tone she looked dangerous, especially with the endless supply of scars that littered every available area of skin.
I sucked a greedy breathe in and sat up. Trying to catch my breath and allow the massive amount of memories that I just witnessed to finally calm down. The sounds of screaming drew my attention to see Clarke fighting Farkas. Three of the previous Commanders were already down on the ground. Looking as though there asses had been handed to them. Becca seemed to be attempting to right herself after being thrown into a throne. The beautiful wood work of the throne nothing more than splinters and firewood after she was so violently thrown into it.
"Clarke!" I screamed at her in fury. She quickly stopped and was hit across the face. The blow causing a loud cracking sound to echo through the room. Instantly I knew that Clarke would have a nasty bruise on her face when she woke in the real world. This was not good and I had a bad feeling that things were going to get a lot worse before they got better when Farkas went to deliver a sharp kick to Clarke's side.
I was running and I felt powerful as I strongly tackled Farkas to the ground. The look of betrayal flashed across his face. I was quick to get off of him but all motion in the room seem to stop when a heavy powerful presence finally made itself known. Fear coursed down my spine when I was able to find the source only to see that Becca was finally on her feet and her eyes seems to burn in her anger.
Shifting my body I made to keep myself in front of Clarke as she slowly pulled herself up from the floor. Becca though just waved her hand and I watched as all the bruising that was already forming on Farkas' face was slowly disappearing.
"I did what needed to be done Clarke. I know I promised that I would not let her have her memories once more but she asked. She was right as well. Certain things are now known and she will be able to help us further in keeping all of our people safe and alive."
I had never heard such a cold tone of voice from her before. She was always kind and calm. Even all of the Commanders seemed to almost shrink back in her apparent anger.
"Now I do believe it is time for you both to awake. I do not want to see your face Clarke until you calm down and have a very good apology for your actions here today. I understand that certain things happened in your past that you don't want to bring to life but I will never allow such behavior again. Remember I made the flame and I alone know its true power," her words cut deep and I wished that my first time with my memories would have gone a lot better than what just occurred.
Becca then waved her hand once more and I found myself laying deep in my furs. All I knew was that I had to find Clarke. I needed to see her.