A/N: Hello everyone. I'd just like to apologize for not updating recently, and that I'm sorry and all. Really, I was too busy. I'm lucky enough to even be able to write this, with my sister visiting me this weekend.
Secondly, I'd like to say that I'm not going to make Review responses in the form of a Review. I don't really see a point, and I just don't want to. I know that saddens you to tears, but don't let it get to you too badly.
Partial credit of this chapter goes to TitanGhost and Gwen Stefani
Jump City had been in for the worst ever since the Teen Titans left their home. Now, with no one there to protect them, villains of the city could now roam free, causing havoc and doing whatever they wanted.
One of these villains included Jinx, a member of Hive Academy and former secretary of Arnold Schwarzenegger. Currently, as she sat on the hood of a taxi cab filing her nails, she couldn't help but wonder what there was to do.
"I am so bored…" she said to herself, watching a nearby building catch fire. "There's nothing to do in this stupid town."
"SOMEBODY SAVE ME!" shouted a man as he ran down the streets, being chased by a glob of purple goo.
"'Afternoon, Plasmus," said Jinx, waving a hand at the purple blob.
The purple blob stopped, grunted, and continued his chase.
Jinx tossed her file away and leaned back against the hot windshield. As her eyes watched the clouds above, she began to take note of what they looked like.
"That looks like a mushroom cloud," said Jinx, pointing to a cloud. "That one looks like Gizmo… dork… And that one looks like…"
A large, mechanical noise echoed throughout the air, causing Jinx to sit up.
"Who…?"
"SCANNING… SCANNING COMPLETED. SUBJECT NAME: JINX. OCCUPATION IS VILLAIN. MUST BE DESTROYED."
Jinx turned around to see a large robot, at least twenty feet tall. She raised an eyebrow. "What is this?"
The robot grew a long nose, which narrowed as it got farther and farther from the body. It stopped growing when it's tip was five feet from Jinx, giving the witch something new to look at.
"TARGET CITED. PREPARING TO FIRE."
Jinx stood still, confused beyond belief. "What?"
"VILLAIN REFUSES TO RUN. REFUSAL WILL TARGET SELF-DESTRUCT IN FIVE SECONDS. FIVE. FOUR. THREE. TWO. ONE."
The robot blew up, causing every villain, and citizen, in the city to burn.
Starfire slowly made her way down the third story hallway. As one foot lifted itself into the air, the other was set down, making a dull "crunch" on the carpet. It was Monday, and that meant that it was time for Raven and Starfire's weekly cleansing of the soul.
The reader may be wondering "yo, wut duh fuk is up wit dis, foo". Well, despite the fact that I'm amazed you can even think (with the exception of a few of you; you know who you are ), I shall enlighten your minds by sharing my knowledge. Starfire, eager to learn about the arts of inner-peace and meditation, took weekly lessons with Raven, who, for a small fee, taught her these things. The Tamaranian, being such a novice, was making quite excellent progress, and Raven a nice sum of money.
Starfire reached her friends door, marked with a carving of a bird. Raising her fist, the alien lightly knocked, receiving a muffled "come in" from the other side.
Starfire gripped her fingers around the doorknob and opened, thus being blasted in the face by the odor of incense and myrrh.
"Welcome, child," said Raven, sitting on a pillow at the end of the room, a lamp sitting in front of her and releasing purple fumes. As Raven sat in her Indian pajamas, a peaceful look on her face, the mesmerizing sound of a sitar bounced throughout the dimly lit room. "Please, take your seat."
Starfire sat on an identical pillow and crossed her legs in tradition yoga. "What are we doing today, Teacher?"
"Today, we are going to learn to become one with our souls, releasing our constraints and performing acts of extreme ghetto dance."
Starfire gave a low whistle.
Raven reached behind her and pulled out a small, rectangular object… an iPod. "Are you ready, child?" she asked.
Starfire nodded.
Raven turned the iPod on, then equipped small speakers to it. Turning up the volume in advance, Raven stood up and motioned for the alien to do so as well. Starfire, eager to see what was going to happen, stood up quickly, and Raven pressed the play button. Loud, hip-hop drumbeats replaced the sitar, and Raven lost all signs of tranquility as she began to dance wildly.
UH HUH! THIS MY SHIT!
ALL THE GIRLS STOMP THEIR FEET LIKE THIS!
A FEW TIMES I'VE BEEN AROUND THAT TRACK
SO IT'S NOT JUST GONNA HAPPEN LIKE THAT!
CAUSE I AIN'T NO HOLLABACK GIRL!
I AIN'T NO HOLLABACK GIRL!
The chorus began to repeat itself, and Starfire widened her eyes in amazement as the empath performed moves that would've made any fanboy have an instant boner. Come on guys. You know you're jealous.
"Feel the rhythm, Starfire," said Raven as she began to give pelvic thrusts and spin in a circle.
"I can feel it!" said Starfire, weakly shaking her hips to the rhythm.
"Yes!" said Raven, noticing Starfire's progress. "But you've still got restraint! Let it all out!"
Starfire, as if a completely different person, began to dance like Raven as the song's hypnotic spell took over her.
(A/N: I swear, that song is by Lucifer himself. And yet, even though I loath it, I find myself dancing/grooving/jamming to it whenever it comes on. It possesses you, I say! Possesses!)
Starfire began shaking her hips harder, throwing her arms up into the air and moving her head around, her red hair flying in every direction. Raven was doing the worm, causing her loose fitting pajamas to fly into the air.
OOOH!
This my shit. This my shit.
OOOH!
This my shit. This my shit.
OOOH!
This my shit. This my shit.
Brr. That's what nightmare are made of, kids!
The two girls continued their ghetto dancing, but, alas, all good (or bad) things must come to an end, and the song was over.
Luckily, this happened right before the phone to Raven's room rang, causing the girls to stare at the phone, then at each other.
Raven, beads of sweat beginning to form upon her face, made her way over to the phone and picked up the receiver. "Yo," she said.
Bzzz bzz bzzzzz bzz.
"Huh?" asked Raven. "Yeah, she's up here… why?"
Bzz bzzzzz bzzz.
"You're a sick man."
Bzz?
"Just… never mind. We're coming down."
Raven put the receiver back on the phone, turned off her iPod, and motioned for Starfire to follow.
"Who was that?" asked the pupil.
"Robin. He wants up to meet in the lounge."
Cyborg sat on his wooden barstool, using his feet as force to push him around in circles. As he swiveled, Beast Boy sat on the bar, swinging his legs to an irregular tune, with Winston in the background, scurrying back and forth.
"Mistresses are very late!" said Winston, wringing his hands. "Winston wonders if something happened."
"It hasn't even been six seconds since Robin called," said Cyborg, falling off his chair from dizziness.
Winston gave a moan in worry, then paced back and forth. Robin stood on the opposite side of the room, using his ninja skills on an invisible opponent. Beast Boy watched in amusement, pretending that the opponent was Goku, getting his butt whooped.
"I don't know why Goku doesn't just disappear," thought Beast Boy to himself, watching Goku gain a bloody nose as Robin kneed him in the face. "He always does that."
Robin twirled around and gave a kick.
"Oooh… Right in the nads."
The parlor door opened, distracting the "men" inside.
"We're here," said Raven, pushing Starfire inside. "What do you want?"
"Winston is very glad the mistress asked," said Winston, grinning like an idiot. "Winston will tell them so Master does not have to strain his throat."
"That's OK," said Robin, stopping his moves. "You don't…"
"Master wishes to inform you," said Winston, interrupting Robin, "that he has booked a vacation on an island in the Pacific."
"Ooh…" said the girls, not paying any attention to Robin's mumblings.
"Yes. The masters will leave tomorrow on a private jet, and they will fly to the island and stay for a week."
Raven glanced at Robin, who was slowly nodding his head.
"I'm excited," said Beast Boy, grinning. "I get to test my bogus surfing skills."
"That are bogus," said Cyborg, nodding. Beast Boy, who apparently had no idea what the word meant, nodded his head as well.
"What time will we leave?" asked Starfire.
"Around one," said Robin. "It's a twelve hour flight, so bring something to do on the plane."
A faint electronic tune echoed throughout the room, causing Cyborg to look at his arm.
"Oh," he said. "The robot we built works. No more villains."
The Titans threw their arms into the air. So did Winston, having nothing else to do.
"Except it blew up the city."
The Titans put their arms down and hunched over in sadness. Winston, who's already hunched over, just put his arms down.
Beast Boy bobbed his head up and down as the jet took off the runway, leaving the ground and throwing itself into the sky. As he looked out the window, he couldn't help but notice how much smaller everything looked… Of course, he should've noticed this before, but hey, maybe he's got ADD or something. I dunno.
Already losing circulation in his legs, the changeling got up from his seat and looked around. Cyborg was sitting way in the back, listening to his walkman, and Starfire was up in the cockpit with Robin. What they were doing in there, he didn't want to know, but he was pretty sure it was something stupid. Like… playing cards or something.
He noticed Raven a good five rows ahead of him, her face buried in a book. Grinning, he made his way over to the empath and sat down next to her. The empath looked up with a blank glare.
"Sugar," said Beast Boy, "somebody set up us the bomb."
Raven continued to stare at the changeling blankly.
"All your base are belong to us."
Raven continued to stare at the changeling, then put her face back in her book. "Get away from me."
"Or what?" asked the changeling, pushing Raven's book away from her.
Raven slowly turned her head and glared at the green guy next to her. "I will pry open this emergency door and laugh as you fly out."
"And laugh as you go out with me?" asked Beast Boy. "Need I remind you that in order to pry open the door, you would have to get up?"
Raven frowned and continued to read.
"Would you like to know a very big reason as to why you shouldn't do anything that would harm me?"
Raven looked up from her book once more. "What?"
Beast Boy reached into his pocket and pulled out a miniature tape recorder and, smiling mischievously, pressed the play button.
This shit is bananas.
B-A-N-A-N-A-S!
This shit is bananas.
B-A-N-A-N-A-S!
Raven's eyes went wide as the line repeated itself, but that was not her main reason of fright. In the background, one could easily hear a female voice screaming random interjections, such as "whoa", "shake it", and "hott".
"You didn't…" said Raven, reaching for the tape recorder.
Beast Boy withdrew. "I did."
Raven closed her book and turned her body towards the changeling, eyes filled with a loss of hope. "What must I do…?"
"You must become my slave for a week," said Beast Boy. "If you decide to maim me, I'll find… somehow find a way to play it in front of everybody, causing you to shrink in embarrassment."
"You realize I could just destroy it right here?"
"Yes. And that's why I have twenty more copies at home."
Raven gasped as a single tear leaked from her right eye and down her cheek. "You're… horrid."
"I know…"
The door to the cockpit burst open, revealing the figure of Starfire. She was quite flustered, it seemed, and she was sweating profusely.
"Woo…" said the alien, fanning herself. "Robin sure does know how to play cards. Grr."
Starfire limped her way over towards Raven and Beast Boy, who watched with concern.
"How much did you lose?" asked Raven, quickly drying her eyes.
"Twenty dollars just to get him to play with me…" said Starfire, fanning herself. "But I got a thousand for letting him win." Starfire looked at the emergency exit, continuing to fan herself. "Let's open this window, shall we?"
Beast Boy and Raven watched Starfire as she pried open the door, causing her and a few loose objects inside the plane to be quickly sucked out.
"Wow…" said Beast Boy. "That was interesting."
"I suppose we should've stopped her."
Beast Boy shook his head. "Nah."
The jet began to shake, causing Beast Boy, Raven, and Cyborg to bounce up in their seats as high as their seatbelts allowed them. A ding echoed throughout the cabin, and Robin's voice could miraculously be heard, despite the noise.
"Attention passengers," said Robin. "Something has just been sucked up into one of our engines."
Raven's jaw dropped open. Beast Boy gulped as a tuft of red hair could be seen flying by.
"Sugar, we're going down," said the changeling as he noticed the ocean get closer and closer.
(A/N: Yes, they were already above the ocean. Stop looking at me like that.)
Raven slowly opened her eyes, revealing the blue sky above her. She had no idea where she was, or how she had gotten there, but she was on a very wet surface, and something even wetter would keeping washing up against her…
"Oh!" she cried, lifting her head up.
In front of her was nothing but the churning ocean… behind her, sand and a line of palm trees.
Getting up, Raven looked at the ocean. She didn't know how long it had been since the crash, but it must've been a while… no signs of the plane could be seen, and no signs of her friends.
"Hey! She woke up!"
Raven turned around to see Beast Boy, making his way over to the empath.
"Any idea where we are?" asked Raven as Beast Boy looked out at the open sea as well.
"Nope. But we found Starfire."
"She's alive?"
"Yeah. Very scratched up and red, but alive."
Raven nodded in understanding. The two continued to look out at the ocean, the undertow of its waves sweeping sand away, causing them to sink into the beach. It was quite a nice scene, with television's favorite couple (and Beast Boy and Raven) standing in silence.
"They're here again," said Beast Boy, rolling his eyes.
"Who?" asked Raven.
"That random couple that follows us around everywhere."
"Oh… Oh! Yeah, I remember them."
"I wonder who they are."
"I don't know. They're a really cute couple, that's for sure."
The two unknown people suddenly began to share an embrace, their lips becoming one in order to share a deep, passionate kiss.
"Front row seats."
"Normally, I would retch in disgust and run, but there's not really anyplace to run to."
The couple fell onto beach, their hot bodies making contact with the cold, wet sand. As they began to get extremely intimate, Raven and Beast Boy continued to watch, not showing signs of care if they got privacy or not.
"I've always wondered if you could choke like that."
"I don't know. Never tried."
"Should we?"
"No."
A wave broke, causing a thin wall of water to wash over the couple. However, due to the massive undertow, the romantic scene was broken as the two began to get swept away in the current. At first, this was apparently humorous, for the couple began to laugh playfully as they drifted into the ocean. It was then, however, when a shark opened its mouth widely and devoured the two whole.
Beast and Raven watched in awe.
"A tragic romance," said Raven.
"That was more funny than tragic."
"True."
The two heard muffled footsteps behind them and turned around. There was Robin, his LONG, GREEN, MAN-LOVING TIGHTS ripped in several places and his hair in an even bigger mess.
"Hey guys," said the leader, stopping just before the two. "We've found a good place to make a shantytown, so both of you guys need to come and help us build."
As quickly as he came, Robin left, leaving the two to sit in silence.
"Couldn't you just teleport us out of here?" asked Beast Boy.
"Yes," nodded Raven, "but let's let Robin feel like a leader, shall we?"
"Let's. You go and help them build the shanty. And build mine, too."
Raven raised an eyebrow. "And why should I build yours?"
"Because I still have this." Beast Boy smiled with glee as he held up his miniature tape recorder.
Raven frowned, quickly grabbed the tape recorder, and threw it in the ocean. Beast Boy stood there in shock as the waves continued to break.
"I can't believe it," said Beast Boy, a hint of awe in his voice.
"You better," said Raven, looking out into the ocean.
The two watched in fascination as a mermaid appeared above the water's surface, giggled in amusement, and disappear.
"Wow…" said Beast Boy. A good five seconds of silence went by, only to be broken. "OH CRAP! I'VE LOST MY TAPE RECORDER!"
"So… hungry…"
Robin laid spread eagle on the ground, his eyes half-open and his tongue hanging limply from his mouth. On both sides of him lay his friends, each in a similar situation and as hungry as the other.
"Need… water…" panted Starfire as she wiped the sweat off her forehead. "Wounds… gashes… need water…."
Beast Boy began to mutter incoherent words, which, if played backwards, translated to "It's fun to smoke marijuana."
"So evil…" said Cyborg. "I will immediately set fire to any Queen albums I have."
"What…?" asked Raven. "Meat? Worcestershire? The table is set?"
"Yes, Alex, I will have a chocolate toffee," muttered Robin as he lifted a finger into the air, pointing at the sky.
Beast Boy muttered more incoherent words, which, if played backwards, translated to "There was a little tool shed where he made us suffer, sad Satan".
"So evil…" repeated Cyborg, twitching. "I will immediately set fire to any Led Zeppelin albums I have."
"What…?" asked Raven, raising an eyebrow as a bird flew overhead. "You fed the melon? Why?"
Starfire put her hands over her stomach, which growled in hunger as a response. It had only been two hours since they had crashed, and even though there was a large jungle behind them which, no doubt, had at least one tree bearing good fruit, they were too lazy to get up and look for any.
"I can feel my wounds obtaining gangrene," she said as she lightly poked one of the many scratches on her body.
The Titans sat there in pain, Beast Boy now muttering the gibberish from Pink Floyd's Empty Spaces. Raven lightly tapped her feet against the air in front of her, humming to herself. She then broke out in quiet singing.
"What shall we use to fill the empty spaces?"
Cyborg sang along. "Where we used to talk?"
The Titans all began to sing, causing any animals near them to freak out and run away.
"How shall I fill the final places?
How shall I complete the waaaaall?"
Several feet behind them, a disgustingly cute girl in a ponytail with freakishly-adorable chibi eyes was playfully shoveling sand into a plastic bucket. A man in his early thirties sat next to her, smiling as she would fill the bucket to its rim, pat it, and tip it over, revealing a dome of sand.
"Good job, princess!" said the man as the girl, obviously his daughter, laughed. She clapped her hands and grinned as rosy red circles, typical of all anime chibis, appeared on her cheeks.
The father and daughter were interrupted when they noticed five teenagers lying on the ground not too far away, panting and moaning. The daughter shrieked, causing her father to slip into defense mode.
"It's OK, sweetie," said the man as his daughter hid behind him. "It's just a couple of crazy people. That's all."
"That girl is scary!" said the daughter, pointing at Starfire and her many cuts.
Despite the many irony-haters that our audience may hold, the young girl waddled over to the five teenagers, eager to see what was going on. She was now standing over Starfire, whose tongue was going into convulsions as a sign for need of water.
The girl, who had still been holding onto her plastic shovel, lightly poked the Tamaranian in the side, causing her to go into shock.
As the cardiac episode took place, the girl's father ran up to his daughter and dragged her away from the dying Tamaranian. After five seconds, however, the convulsions stopped, and Starfire remained the way she had been before.
"My third heart just died," said Starfire to herself. "I am very fortunate to have four left."
"Excuse me," said the girl's father, causing the five Titans to actually lift their heads up off the ground.
"Yes?" asked Raven. "Is there something you need?"
"If I may be so bold," began the man, clearing his throat and trying to sound official, "what are you doing?"
"Dying," said Cyborg. "We're lost on a deserted island and haven't been able to find food or water since our crash, two hours ago."
"No you're not," said the man, raising an eyebrow. "This island is far from deserted."
"Don't be ridiculous," said Robin. "If it wasn't deserted, there would be a hotel right there."
The man looked behind him, raising his other eyebrow. "But… there is a hotel right there."
The five Titans looked behind them to see a large, whitewashed building.
"Oh," replied Robin. "Now that I think about it, it looks a lot like the hotel we were supposed to stay at for our vacation."
The four others nodded in agreement.
In the depths of the Pacific Ocean, a great white shark swam into a cave in hopes of finding any delicious morsels. However, our attention should not be focused on this fish, despite the fact that it's swimming into an underwater disco.
Instead, we shall focus on the inside of the shark, in which a male and female couple were sitting in the shark's belly, sitting cross-legged and facing a boy with long, shaggy hair and a top hat.
"So…" said the boy, raising an eyebrow. "You're television's favorite couple."
"Yes," said the woman, rubbing her hand's on the man's chest. "Everyone loves us."
"I've never even heard of you, nonetheless loved you."
"How could you not have heard of us?" asked the man. "We're famous!"
"No…" said the boy. "You're really not."
"He may have a point," said the woman. "Now that I think about it… who exactly are we?"
Television's favorite couple sat in silence. So did Ra… oh… no… wait. They're not here. Never mind.
"Idiots…" mumbled the boy.
How the hell are they alive?
I don't know how often I'm going to update, due to the fact that this is a non-plot story and those take a considerable amount of time to think about in order to keep from becoming complete crap. I don't plan on dying, though, so don't think I did if I haven't updated in a while. I'll try to update at least once every two weeks.
Leave a shiny Review, if you care, and I know you do.