A/N: I realize that this is… well… come on. You should know that this isn't how the Titans originally met. I mean… honestly. Just the fact that I wrote it should tell you that.
But seriously, if you're an idiot (Spidey…), I'm just going to tell you to not believe that this is what happened. Because it's not.
Triforce90 Cookies go to: SpiderSquirrel (x2), TitanGhost, and… that's it. Good job, dude and dudette.
Now to all of my fellow male readers, I would like to ask you to look inside your shorts/pants. Is it a penis? Is it a penis? NO! IT'S A PONY! (laughs insanely and high-fives Spidey)
…Inside joke.
On the island of Ooga-Booga-Shorts, people were fleeing this way and that. Many of the citizens were traveling to the island's international airport, only to be stopped in traffic or not be able to book any flights off the island. Others were evacuating into the mountains, giving the coastal area a ghost town atmosphere. Remaining citizens were gathering plywood and nails and boarding their house's windows.
Yes. A hurricane was coming!
Even as I speak, the hotel that our friends are staying at was preparing for the storm. Many of the janitors were busy nailing plywood over windows while the… people behind the desk or whatever you call them… were ensuring the occupant's safety. Many of the visitors had had time to flee, but others weren't so lucky… "Others" being the Teen Titans, of course.
In room 1010, our five homeskilletz were clearing out a space in the closet and removing hazardous "projectiles" from the bathroom. As Cyborg and Beast Boy dismounted the large mirror off the bathroom wall, a solitary Mexican janitor burst in, carrying a large piece of plywood. Avoiding the surprised glances from the room's occupants, he carried the board over to their lone window and set it down, reaching for a nail in his pocket.
Raven took note of this just as the janitor began to nail.
"Whoa…" said Raven, running up to the man and grabbing his hammering arm. "Hold up. You don't board a window on the inside."
The man looked at her with a confused face. "¿Qué?" he asked.
"Plywood. You nail it on the outside. That way, you can keep the glass from becoming broken."
"…¿Qué?"
"I mean… Ah, just give it to me," said Raven, grabbing the plywood and hammer from the janitor.
As Raven teleported out of the room and appeared outside the window, the janitor was pushed out of the room by four odd-looking youngsters, each one telling him to have a nice day.
"He's such a royal pain in the butt," kindly stated Starfire as she bolted their hotel door.
"He can't help it," said Cyborg, jumping on top the bed and lying back. "He's doing his job, isn't he?"
"Speaking of which," said Robin from the bathroom. "Help Raven with the plywood. She's going to need it."
"I'm already done," said Raven, flying back into the room. "In the meantime, turn on the TV. Maybe they've got a new report on the hurricane."
Beast Boy, being the closest to the remote control, turned on the television.
"As you can see, Hurricane AH IT'S COMING is right on the coast. If you're stupid, you should nail plywood to your windows and hide under your bed or… something… Um… What's that card say? 'Look concerned'… What? Why? Oh… That's the blocking, isn't it? Um… yes… Right then."
"Blam this piece of crap," said Beast Boy, turning off the television. "I mean, it's bad enough that we have to be in one room together, but to have to put up with this?"
Of course, by the laws of human nature, the readers may be curious as to why the Titans are in one room. Well, as stated before, each of the Titans' hotel rooms faced the ocean. Due to the fact that hurricanes are tropical storms, they tend to come in from there… And, due to the fact that Robin's room was the only one that faced a parking lot, it was a pretty good idea for them to reside in that one.
"I'm just confused as to what I'm going to do when the hurricane hits," said Raven, looking at her plywood job. "There's no telling how long the storm's going to last."
A loud crash echoed throughout the building as every uncovered window broke at the same time.
"GET IN THE CLOSET!" shouted Starfire as our cuddly heroes crammed themselves into the small space. The door was shut, and darkness filled the closet.
"I can't see anything," quietly whispered Robin.
"Whoa," came Raven's voice. "Genius."
A moment of silence filled the closet.
"You know what I have just realized?" came the voice of Starfire.
"What?"
"We never did store water."
Another moment of silence filled the closet.
"Well…" came Cyborg's voice. "We're going to die now, aren't we?"
"Looks like it."
"I'm scared…"
"HOLD ME!"
"I do not want to die. I am too young… and I have too many friends. What will they do without me?"
Another moment of silence.
"Speaking of friends…" came Raven's voice. "Do you guys remember when we met?"
"Oh yeah," said Robin, grinning in the dark. "I'll never forget."
"Me neither." Beast Boy.
"I shall remember it always." Starfire.
"Fo shizzle." Cyborg.
"It's nice to think about that stuff," said Robin. "I remember when I met Raven. That was pretty awesome."
"How did you come to Earth, Raven?" asked Starfire, leaning against the right wall.
"Well…" began Raven, not seeming to mind this sudden question.
On the planet of Azarath, a young girl hastily walked down the hall, her long lavender hair flowing behind her as she continued her brisk pace. She was clutching something against her chest and her head was bowed, hiding her face. However, despite the fact that no eyes could be seen, a solitary tear could be seen falling towards the floor.
After several more seconds of walking, the girl reached a large, oak door. She looked up, causing her hair to fall back and her face to be revealed. She had extremely pale skin and deep lavender eyes, a red jewel embedded in her forehead.
Taking a deep breath, the girl pushed open the large doors and walked into an equally large room. Its style was that of a large family room, and just by looking at the objects that decorated it, one could tell that the owner of this house was extremely rich.
The girl gulped as she noticed a large armchair, sitting in front of a roaring fire. She once again continued her walk, reaching the source of heat.
"Nahor said you wished to see me, Father," said the girl, looking at the back of the armchair.
A heavy breathing could be heard if one listened very, very closely.
"Yes…" said a voice from behind the armchair. "Come to me…"
The girl took in a breath of courage and marched towards the fire, her hands clenched into fists. She soon stood in front of the fire place, looking into the eyes of whoever was sitting in the chair.
"Now then," said the voice, now extremely high-pitched and disgustingly caring. "Come sit on Daddy's lap."
The girl took in another breath of courage and hastily did as her father told her.
"How was my little princess's day at school?" asked the girl's father, a horribly red demon.
"It was alright," said the girl, staring into the fire. "We dissected a mortal."
"That's fascinating, Dear!"
"No… Not really. I felt sorry for him."
A moment of silence filled the air. "What do you mean?" asked the demon.
"I mean that I felt sympathy for him. I didn't want to dissect a mortal, Father."
"Don't say such things," said the demon. "We demons must continue to despise the mortal race. Now then… who's Daddy's little girl?"
The girl took in another breath. "I am…" she said, her voice sounding dull and bored.
"That's right! And who does Daddy love the most?"
"…Me."
The demon gave the girl a bone-crushing hug, causing her eyes to slightly bulge from her sockets and her tongue to slip out of her mouth.
"Father…" she gasped.
"Oh… I'm sorry, Princess." The demon released his grip. "Daddy keeps forgetting how his little girl isn't as strong as her father."
"Please don't call me your little girl, Father. You know I hate it."
"I'm sorry, Princess."
"And please, don't call me that either. I have something important I need to tell you."
Another moment of silence filled the air. "What is it, Pumpkin?"
"I'm… leaving Azarath."
The girl was thrown out of the chair as her father stood up. "WHAT?"
"I-I believe it's the right… the right thing to do," said the girl, getting up and backing away from the chair. "Please forgive me…"
"But why do you want to leave?" asked the demon, suddenly calming down and returning to his annoying parental attitude. "Aren't you happy here? Think about it! You're a princess, Princess!"
"Yes," said the girl, bowing her head. "But you… suffocate me, Father."
"But Sweetheart, that's just because Daddy is a little too strong. I'm sure that…"
"Not suffocate me literally. Suffocate me spiritually. I want to be able to see things… Meet new people!"
Once again, another moment of silence. "I… I understand, Sweetie." The demon sat back down in his chair. "Now… tell me where you wish to go."
The girl raised her head, a small smile on her face. "Well, I was hoping I could live on the planet Earth. It's a lovely planet, really. There's a lot of…"
"Um… Sweetie, I don't mean to… uh… 'suffocate' you any more, but don't you think Earth is a little too much?"
"How so, Father?"
"Well, think about it. There's a lot of crazy people and pollution and crime. There are people that worship cows, for Pete's sake!"
"They're just living their life, Father."
"I don't care. I absolutely forbid you to go to Earth."
"But…"
"No buts!"
The girl let out a scream of rage. "I'm going anyway!" She ran out of the room, her father standing up once again.
"YOU LEAVE THIS HOUSE YOUNG LADY, AND YOU CAN THINK OF NEVER COMING BACK!"
The sound of a door slamming echoed throughout the house.
"ARGH!" shouted the demon. "I SUDDENLY HAVE THE URGE TO TAKE OVER THE EARTH AND TURN IT INTO A FIREY WASTELAND, MAKING ALL OF ITS CITIZENS TURN INTO STONE STATUES BUT ONLY TO BE STOPPED BY PUNY LITTLE KIDS IN SPANDEX! RAAAAAAAH!"
In the land of Ethiopia, a tan-colored Jeep zoomed across the sand-littered landscape, causing a thick cloud of dust to form behind its rear tires. The sun beat down on it the vehicle with an intense force; a force intense enough to make any pasty-white skinned kid fry after a short second of being exposed. Of course, many people wouldn't even think of coming to a land such as Ethiopia, mainly because of the scary rumors of a tribal clan that captured tourists and brought them to their grounds, forcing them to play many torturous games of Twister. What people outside the country had against the game, I don't know, but I'm sure as hell not about to find out.
Anyway…
We now once again bring our attention to the Jeep, which was now entering a dense jungle of sorts. Yes, they are now in a jungle, as odd as that may seem. Keep in mind that I haven't had Geography in well over a year now, and, to make things worse for me, I loathed studying Africa. No, I'm not racist. I'm just not as interested in Africa as some other places. Really.
…
But yes. The Jeep was in a jungle, its hearty tires rolling across the wet ground. Cute, fuzzy, rabid animals watched this unusual device from high above in the jungle's canopy, trying as hard as they could to resist the temptation to jump down and strangle whoever was in there. "Whoever" refers to a man, a woman, and a child.
As of now, the man was driving with the woman in shotgun. The child was running back and forth to look out the left and right windows, much like a dog does on the back of a truck.
"Would you settle down, Garfield?" asked the man impatiently. "You're rocking the Jeep!"
"WHAT'S THAT?" screamed Garfield, running back and forth. "WHAT'S THAT, DADDY? WHAT'S THAT THING? HUH? WHAT IS IT? WHAT? HEY! LOOK AT THAT THING, MOM! IT'S A BIRD! LOOK HOW YELLOW IT IS!"
"I told you this would've happened!" said the woman. "You just had to forget his Valium®, didn't you?"
"HEY!" shouted the man. "YOU'RE THE ONE THAT SAID HE DIDN'T NEED IT!"
"LOOK AT THAT! IT'S A MONKEY! WHAT'S IT DOING TO THAT OTHER MONKEY? HUH? IT LOOKS LIKE IT'S TRYING TO PLAY LEAP-FROG! HEY! DADDY! WILL YOU PLAY LEAP-FROG WITH ME LATER? HUH? WILL YOU?"
This went on for quite some time. Five hours, to be exact. It was quite a nauseating trip, with the woman's continuous whining and Garfield's continuous rush, but the man lived through it, and now all three of them were sitting in front of a campfire. Can you say "run-on sentence"? I can't.
"It's nice to be out of the Jeep now," said the woman, stretching her legs as she sat on a rock. "I don't know how much longer I would've been able to stand that."
"Yes…" said the man, strumming a G chord on his guitar. "But it's not like he went away."
"I know…"
"HEY DAD! PLAY HOUSES OF THE HOLY! THAT'S A COOL SONG! NO! WAIT! PLAY THE RAIN SONG! THAT SONG'S EVEN BETTER! OR PLAY EVERYBODY'S GOT SOMETHING TO HIDE EXCEPT FOR ME AND MY MONKEY! THAT SONG RAAAAAAWKS!"
"Can't we just put an end to it?" asked the woman.
"But what about all those years of hard work?" asked the man.
"Yes, but we can just try again."
"But still, it's murder!"
"So? We're in Africa, damn it. Just give me the thing. If you won't do it, I will!"
The man sighed as he reached into his pocket, pulling out a syringe. He tossed it to the lady, who was poked by the needle, and died.
Just kidding.
Making sure that nothing clogged the small hole, the lady gently pushed the top down, causing a thin stream of liquid to fly out of the container and into the fire. A loud hissing noise reverberated from the blaze, causing everything to grow still.
"Garfield," said the woman, hiding the syringe behind her back. "Come here."
Garfield, who had been busy running around in circles for the past moment, stopped and looked at his mother inquisitively. She beckoned him, and he approached.
"Hold still," said she, grabbing Garfield's right arm and using the needle of the syringe to puncture his vein. "This won't hurt a bit."
"WHAT IS IT?" asked Garfield.
Before he could get a response, the woman injected the fluid, and the effects immediately went into place.
"AGH! AGH!" shouted Garfield. "IT BURNS! IT BURNS! IT… WAIT! NO! HEY! MY SKIN IS TURNING GREEN! LOOK, MA! MY SKIN IS TURNING GREEN! THIS IS SOOOO COOL!"
The two parents watched in horror as their son slowly turned into a deep shade of green. It was only two seconds later, however, when the woman slapped her husband.
"IDIOT! I TOLD YOU TO PACK THE POISON, BUT DID YOU? NO! YOU HAD TO PACK THE STUPID GENE THINGY INSTEAD!"
"I DIDN'T MEAN TO! IT JUST HAPPENED!"
"HEY! LOOK! I CAN TURN INTO ANIMALS!"
In a seemingly quiet hospital, two wood doors burst open to reveal three people: two nurses briskly pushing a stretcher and one doctor briskly walking alongside them. Not far behind was a small group of African Americans, all female and each one carrying a different colored handkerchief.
"Doctuh…" said one of the older ladies, meeting up with the only person in the room with a… pony. "Is he gonna be allight?"
(A/N: Oooh… Be amazed at the inside-jokiness.)
"We're going to do everything we can," said the doctor, not even glancing at the woman. "In the meantime, you'll need to wait."
The group of African American women stopped walking, an occasional few blowing into their hankies.
"Come along now, chillun," said the older woman. "Let's go to the waitin' room. I'm sure he'll be just fine."
"But how do you know that, Mama?" asked a younger girl. "I nevuh seen him so hurt before."
"I know," said the mom. "But all we can do now is pray."
Meanwhile, in the ER, the doctor was preparing for his emergency operation.
"We can fix him," said he, putting on a glove. "We have the technology. And just for the hell of it, let's spend a lot of money."
"Right," said one of the nurses, rapidly inserting an IV into the boy's arm. "It's a good thing that you've said that, doctor, because that shipment of destructive weapons you ordered just came in yesterday."
"Yes… We shall put them in good use. This boy will be a hero someday."
Meanwhile, in the waiting room, things weren't going so well.
"Chillun'! Chillun'!" shouted the mom as she rushed over to her group of girls. "What's goin' on hee-uh?"
"Francine is makin' fun of Victor!" said an extremely young girl, pointing an accusing finger at an older one.
The mom turned towards the latter. "Is 'dis true now, Francine?"
"Well, yeah!" said Francine. "I mean, I love Vic and all, but what kind of an idiot paints a bomb target on the roof of his house? We're lucky we weren't there when that warplane dropped the bomb, or none of us woulda been able to get ovuh here!"
"Make her take it back, Mama!" said the younger girl.
"Now both of yus, stop it!" The mom looked at Francine. "You should be ashamed of yoself young lady! You know very well what yo brotha Victor has done for us evuh since yo daddy died!"
"I know, Mama…" said Francine, putting her green handkerchief near her eye. "And I know how he's used his prize money from athletics to support us."
"And how he's always helped us around the house," said the younger girl, nodding.
"And how he sings so well in the congregation…" said the mother. All the others in the group nodded in agreement.
The mother then spoke once again. "Come on now, chillun'. Let's just sit down for a while."
Hours came and went, and the family of women slowly began to fall asleep. In the ER, the doctor and nurses were well done with the operation and were playing a friendly game of Poker.
"Shouldn't we get his family now?" asked one of the nurses.
"Nah," said the doctor. "Let's let them wait."
Several hands went by.
"Long enough!" said the doctor, getting up. The nurses followed suit and began to clean up the room, which was littered with balloons and streamers.
"That was quite a party, huh?" asked Nurse #1 as the doctor left the room to get the family.
"Quite," said Nurse #2, sitting on a balloon to make it pop. "I'm so glad Rebecca's finally getting married."
"Me too. The groom's a hottie."
"No kidding. And that kid on the stretcher that we just operated on probably didn't look to bad either when he still had his body."
"…That's disgusting."
"Why?"
"Just… never mind."
The doors to the room burst open, allowing the doctor and the family access. The mother gasped and hurried towards the stretcher.
"Victor!" she cried, putting her hands on her son's face. "What did they do to you?"
Silence.
"Victor!"
Silence.
"VICTOR!"
"You need to turn him on, Ma'am," said the doctor. "Press his left eye."
The mother did as the doctor said and jumped back in fright when her boy suddenly sprang to life.
"Where am I?" he asked, his eyes widening as he saw his family and three strangers. "What happened?"
"Oh, Victor!" cried out the mother, giving her son an embrace. The other members of the family gathered around the stretcher, allowing the doctor and nurses to watch.
"Wow…" said the doctor. "I didn't think it would work. Well done, girls!"
"No kidding," said Nurse #2. "Something usually explodes by now, doesn't it?"
"Yeah," said Nurse #1, nodding. "That's why our hospital has been sued so many times."
"Hey Batman. Let's order a pizza."
"…Why?"
"Because… I'm hungry."
"We had pizza yesterday."
"But that doesn't mean we can't have it again today, does it?"
"…No."
"There you go."
"Can't we just have something else? I'm sick of pizza."
"Why?"
"Because we've had it every single night for the past few weeks."
"So?"
"So… it gets tiring."
"No it doesn't."
"Yeah. It does."
"No. It doesn't."
"Does."
"Doesn't."
"Does."
"Doesn't."
"…Gawd… You're so annoying."
"No I'm not!"
"Yes you are. Have you even heard your voice?"
A gasp.
"You bastard! I thought you knew!"
"Knew what?"
"I'm deaf! I've never heard the sound of my own voice… I read lips." A sob. "Only lips…"
(A/N: Credit goes to TitanGhost.)
"My sidekick is deaf? What the…"
"I'm missing a kidney, also."
"I don't believe this…"
"I find it somewhat hard to believe myself."
"This is incredible…"
"I've also got heart murmurs."
"I'm afraid to say you're going to have to leave, Robin."
"And a partial cata… What?"
"You're going to have to leave."
"Why? You've seen me fight! I'm good!"
"No. You're not. You flap your arms and run around. You suck miserably."
"OH! FINE! IF THAT'S THE WAY YOU WANT TO BE, I QUIT!"
"FINE! NOW I CAN HAVE SOMETHING OTHER THAN PIZZA!"
"FINE!"
"FINE!"
A moment of silence.
"Can I have one of your cars or something?"
"No."
"OK."
Seventy-five miles outside Los Demonios, Tamaran, a small group of people all looked at a shiny new spacecraft in front of them. Many of them were females with an occasional male, but, regardless of gender, all of them had long, stringy hair. Several of them had Xs carved into their foreheads.
"That's the badass you stole, Kori?" asked a guy in the front.
A girl with long red hair gained a grin and snorted. "Yeah. It totally rocks, doesn't it?"
"No shit. How many miles on it?"
"155."
"Groovy."
"Totally."
A girl standing next to Kori readjusted a baby she was holding. "Things will suck without you, Kori," said she. "It's a bummer that freak had to report you like that."
Kori once again snorted. "Yeah. But I doubt anyone will have an idea who I am on this… 'Earth' place. Of course, I'm probably going to have to act like some totally preppy bitch or something…"
"I just can't believe you were able to hide your X."
"Tell me about it. Thank God for paint."
The crowd murmured things such as "Oh yeah" and "Mhmm".
"Well," said Kori after the murmur died down. "Might as well get going."
Kori climbed into the spacecraft and turned it on. As she began her ascent, she waved, and everybody in the crowd waved back. Before she knew it, she was out of sight. Fifteen seconds of silence went by.
"This sucks," said the guy. "Come on everyone. Let's go snort some horse."
I'm sad to say the chapter's going to end here. I was going to write how the Titans met each other along with this piece of flame, but uh… that would probably be a little long. I'm already almost over my limit. Of course, some of my readers may know that a couple of my chapters can reach well over twenty pages. I don't really feel like doing that, because now I have an extra chapter to make the fic longer! Yay!
Here's looking at you, Kid.
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