The events that are about to be told in this chapter of the fanfiction are not exactly heart-warming. Below lists the series of completely brutal, torturous, and cruel happenings between two seemingly harmless teenage boys. Of course, if you know me, you would take these warnings as lightly as you'd take the warnings on the backs of Lemony Snicket's crappy books, except there's no way that you can kill this thing for pleasure. Of course, there's probably some way you could do it, but let's not focus on that right now. Instead, we are going to focus on the tale of Cyborg and Beast Boy.

Anybody that's seen the show would know that Cyborg and Beast Boy are rather good friends. However, that was not always the case. The fact is, they've despised each other for as long as anyone can remember, and it wasn't until the summer of 2003 that they officially established a true friendship. But until then, from the day they had met, they had been causing a disturbance in the condo with a feud, and while Robin and Raven tried to stay out of it as much as they possibly could, they were sometimes forced into the battle.

It had all started when the three had discovered Beast Boy rummaging through a garbage can outside of their condo. Raven reminded Cyborg that he was the one that had been performing in the club the night before, and while she and Robin went over to check him out, Cyborg stood by himself, already feeling a spark of hatred grow inside of him.

You see, Cyborg's best friend, Mr. Tweed, had been tragically hit by a car after he had won the lottery. Cyborg was at a complete loss, and to make him feel even worse, here was a new hobo, taking his best friend's place!

"So I was fired from my job at the club downtown," he could hear the green kid saying, "and I just ended up here."

"That's… unfortunate…" said Raven, giving the boy a good look-over (not in a fluffy way… Gawd). "We were there the night you got fired. You weren't too bad."

"I know," said the boy, a cocky look on his face. "Everyone knows it, especially the chicks. They can't get enough of me."

"Don't be so sure…" Raven mumbled under her breath. Meanwhile, Robin was asking questions on his own.

ZOMG CELEBR8!

"Why are you green?" he asked, feeling a small sense of accomplishment as he spoke these words. "Are you a vegan?"

"Yes, I am," said the boy. "And I could tell you why I'm green, but I would rather not say. The memories are too painful to bear."

Cyborg gave a small smirk, but he wouldn't have been able to explain why if someone asked him. For some reason, hearing the fact that the green kid didn't like his past was joy to his ears.

"But I guess I benefit from it, after all. I can turn into animals."

Cyborg's jaw seemed to have fallen off of its hinges as he heard this. If he wasn't mistaken, that would mean that… that…

"OH MY GOD!" he suddenly shouted, giving him the attention of the other three. "THE ANIMORPHS SERIES IS A SERIES OFTRUE EVENTS!"

"You'll have to excuse our friend," said Raven, hoping that their new friend wouldn't have minded the sudden distraction. "He just experienced a loss."

"That's quite alright," said the boy, showing no signs of concern. "I used to be with a couple of drug-abusers myself."

"But…" began Robin, raising an eyebrow. "Cyborg doesn't take drugs."

"Oh… I'm so sorry…"

"But anyways," said Raven, grabbing the green kid by the hand. "Come, and we shall show you your new home."

W

At one o'clock the next morning, each member of the household had gone to bed. It had been quite a tiring day for all of them; Raven, Robin, and Cyborg had experienced the loss of a dear friend, and the new kid (now known as Beast Boy) was now living in a place with new friends, and he knew very well that they would provide for him.

Even now, as he climbed up the stairs to his new room, he couldn't help but think about how blessed he was to have been able to find such company. Of course, he knew very well that they probably wouldn't have taken him in if it hadn't been for the accident that had happened six years ago, but the point is it did, and for the first time since that moment, Beast Boy was grateful to have a hateful mother.

However, he would soon find out about someone else that hated him, and this would strike the beginning of a horrible feud in their small, peaceful home. But right now, as he climbed the stairs, he thought to himself about the others.

Holy crap, that Raven girl is so hott. I'd have any girl that wears a skin-tight leotard. Of course, put one on a chick like Joan Rivers and I'd have someone gouge my eyes out with a rusty spoon. Hell, I'd do it myself. And while I'm at it, I'd just take out my kidneys for donation. Why need someone cut 'em out for you after you've seen Joan Rivers in a leotard? Your eyes would be bleeding, of course, which would explain why you'd have to get rid of those. Here's an idea: why don't I just fucking kill myself quickly instead of slowly? No one deserves to be in that kind of pain, and I wouldn't wish it on Joan Rivers… Yes, that's right. I hate her, don't I? Mmm… I am such an evil twit. I wonder if Raven likes evil little twits. I certainly like evil little tits, and… WHOA! SLIP OF THE TONGUE! SLIP OF THE TONGUE! MAN, WHERE IS MY BOTTLE OF SCOPE? I HAVE GOT TO WASH THIS BAD-BOY OUT!"

Beast Boy, however, did not have time to look for his bottle of Scope. For all I care, he doesn't even have a bottle of Scope. The point is he has noticed something on his nightstand as soon as he entered his bedroom.

It's a letter… he thought to himself as he picked up a blank envelope. He quickly tore it open and removed its contents to reveal a piece of computer paper, covered with letters that looked as though they had been clipped out of several magazine articles. Tossing the envelope aside, he sat down on his bed and began to read. Yes, he can read.

Dearest Beast Boy,

You suck. You suck balls. I do not like you, kind sir, and I do not want you around. From the time you have opened this letter, you have 24 hours to get out of this condo and somewhere far, far away. Yes, that's right. I'm watching your every move. I have installed cameras in your room, and I know how long it has been since this letter has remained unopened.

Do not try to figure out who I am. If you do, I will come over and kill you before you have the chance to get out. Besides, either way, you can not find out who I am. I have taken the necessary precautions to keep that from happening.

Get out as fast as you can.

Sincerely yours,

Cyborg.

Had this been a cheesy anime, Beast Boy would've fallen off of the bed and landed on the floor face-first. However, no such thing happened, for the author hates anime with a passion, a few exceptions applying.

"Why would Cyborg want me out?" he muttered aloud, rereading the letter once again. "And why did he put cameras up in my room?"

Upon this note, Beast Boy looked up from the letter with a shocked look on his face, then looked up and around the ceiling, wondering where the damned cameras could've been.

Having no hope of finding them, Beast Boy stood up on his bed and pulled his pants down, lifting his butt up into the air and turning himself around 360 degrees.

He apparently did this at the wrong time, however, for his door opened to reveal a wide-eyed and open-jawed Raven.

Beast Boy, out of shock, stood in the position he was currently in and looked at his new friend innocently. "Um…" he began, feeling slightly uncomfortable. "Hello."

Raven remained frozen, her right eyebrow twitching slightly.

Twitch. Twitch twitch.

Suddenly, in a mad frenzy, Beast Boy lunged off of his bed and shut the door, creating a barrier between him and the empath. As he leaned against it for extra support, he was saddened when he heard the sounds of vomiting on the other side.

T

Twenty-eight hours had gone by since Beast Boy opened the letter, and the last four were the noisiest yet. Of course, that is to be expected, seeing that you have guns firing in the halls, light bulbs being dropped from high places, and trained, ferocious mice running throughout the condo.

Shortly after waking up, Beast Boy had gone to Cyborg to ask him what his deal was and if there was some way the two could work it out peacefully. After seeing that he had stupidly signed the letter, Cyborg demanded that the changeling get out of his sight. He still had twenty-four hours to get somewhere safe, and if he didn't heed his warning, Cyborg would declare war.

Beast Boy, of course, refuses to take commands, so… we all know what happened.

Of course, all math aside, this means that the war would've started at precisely 5:34 in the morning on the third of May. Raven, who preferred to go to bed at twelve and wake up at eight, was rudely awakened by the sound of breaking glass. Wondering what was going on, she got out of bed and put on her black robe and slipped on her bunny slippers. Holding her arms to warm herself, she shuffled her feet to the door and opened it slightly, just enough for her to peak her head out of the window. She was slightly surprised to see five wee mice scurrying across the room.

"What…?" she asked herself, watching the mice turn a corner and disappear. Curious, she began to give chase. Two minutes later, she watched in amazement as these mice confronted another band of mice and leapt at each other.

As the two groups of mice wrestled on the carpet for a brief five minutes, Raven lost interest and decided to make a journey to the kitchen, where she would fetch herself a small glass of water and a cookie. Before she could reach the stairs, however, she felt five fingers wrap around her ankle and pull her down to the floor.

"Shh…" she could hear someone whisper. "Don't say a thing…"

Raven was very confused as of now… Not only did she not know who had her captured, but she didn't exactly know why she was supposed to be quiet.

It was then that she saw her good friend, Cyborg, his built-in flashlight on. He was armed with a slingshot and five sixty watt light bulbs.

Even though she had no idea what was going on, she decided to do what the stranger told her and keep quiet, despite the fact she desperately wanted to know why her friend had such a serious look on his face. She saw him stop as soon as he reached the landing, turn his head in her direction, and once again began to walk, supposedly to his room.

As soon as he disappeared, Raven felt the fingers slowly unwrap around her ankle. She got up quickly and turned to whoever had just caught her, ready to fight if she needed to.

"Relax," came the voice again. "It's just me."

"Beast Boy?" asked Raven, growing even more and more confused. "Why did you just hide from Cyborg?"

"The guy wants to kill me," muttered Beast Boy. "We've declared war upon each other."

"…What?"

Beast Boy reached into his pocket and pulled out a scrap of paper. "Read this," he said, handing it to Raven.

Raven took the paper from the changelings hand and read, her eyes squinting more and more after every line.

"I'm not sure if I believe this, Beast Boy."

"Are you calling me a liar?"

"Yes."

"Come on, now. You saw the way he looked around when he came up here. He obviously wants to kill me."

"What do you want me to do about it?" asked Raven. "Put a restriction order on him?"

"Actually… that's a good idea. Yeah…"

"I wasn't being serious."

"You weren't?"

"No."

"Oh… OK."

The conversation was broken when the two heard a series of high-pitched squeaks coming from down the hall.

"That's the 'code red' call! Me mice are in danger!" Beast Boy got up off the ground and ran down the hall. Raven, having no idea what else to do, followed him.

There, where she had once stood for a good long while, lay three bloody and somewhat maimed mice.

Beast Boy dropped to the floor, his face hanging over the bodies of the somewhat cute little rodents. "No…" he softly said to himself.

"Wha…?" asked Raven, raising an eyebrow as she noticed the mice. They looked as if they had been killed and then rearranged to give the scene a tragic look.

"My battalion has lost," said Beast Boy. "But… I only see three mice here. Cyborg's mice must've taken the other two captive..."

Beast Boy stood up and shook his fist at Cyborg's door.

"OK, YOU BASTARD! PREPARE TO BE BEATEN!"

G

Robin sat on the floor, bored out of his mind. He currently had on a military hat that appeared to be too large for his head and now bore a shiny silver badge. In front of him was a small card table, and on this table was a map of the condo. Several plastic mice were placed across the map, some of them black and some of them white.

"OK, Robin. Here's the plan."

Cyborg was also dressed up as Robin, but his military hat fit perfectly and he wore a gold badge instead of a silver one. In his right hand he held a small pointer, which he used to scoot one black mouse across the map to a different place.

"We'll move Skipper's army over to this place, see," he began, giving Robin a small glance every now and then. "This way, Beast Boy's battalion won't be able to get out. He'll be trapped like a rat!"

"Cyborg," began Robin. "That has got to be one of the crappiest puns this author has ever used."

"Tri doesn't believe in puns," said Cyborg, tapping Robin on the head with the pointer. "Now shut up and listen."

"Yes sir."

"Anyways, after that battle is done, we'll send Hymie's army over to the kitchen, where we'll start a battle with the army that Beast Boy's put in there. The army Beast Boy has here is very small… and if things go according to plan, they'll send a distress call for reinforcements. More of his mice will come to that battle, leaving a small amount left to protect him. That's when you and I burst into his room with my mice, and while the mice do their thing, we'll do our thing and shoot him. OK?"

"But I don't want to shoot Beast Boy," said Robin, suddenly sounding like a whiney little child. "Beast Boy's my frieeeeend!"

"I honestly don't care. Now get some sleep, Private. We've got a big day tomorrow."

"Rawk," said Robin, getting up and walking out of the room.

W

Raven looked at her small slingshot, a confused look on her face. "Now what are we doing with these?"

"We're infiltrating Cyborg's base!" shouted Beast Boy, slightly agitated. "If I've said it once, I've said it a million times!"

"But this is the first time you've told me."

"Do you think I actually care? Gawd!" Beast Boy rolled his eyes as he stealthily crept his way down the hall. Raven, not about to walk on her tiptoes, just followed slowly, taking a step every five seconds.

"Why don't we have the guns if we're infiltrating his base? Wouldn't the light bulbs be too small to do anything?"

"Cyborg's not here. We're just going in to find out what he's planning so we can stop him."

"Then why do we even have the light bulbs and slingshots?"

"There could be security mice in his room."

"So?"

"So… They're mice, Raven! They have these retardedly sharp teeth and won't quit chewing until they taste your marrow! Now shut up and wait for me to tell you what to do!"

Raven mumbled something inappropriate to write, so… she mumbled.

After several minutes, the two made their way across the hall and were now standing outside of Cyborg's room. Beast Boy pressed his ear against the door and listened carefully. He then turned back to Raven and motioned for her to follow.

He slowly opened the door as if waiting for something to jump at him. Nothing did, however, and once he realized the room was well empty, he pushed the door open with enough force for the knob to hit the wall. Raven entered as well, looking around as she did so. She had never been in Cyborg's room before.

"Keep a light bulb ready," said Beast Boy. "You never know when they'll… BINGO!"

Beast Boy cackled as he discovered the small card table in the middle of the room. Raven stood next to the changeling and looked at it as well, studying it carefully.

"Oh, he thinks he can fool me, does he?" asked the changeling. "Little does he know that I'll have the whole battalion waiting for him… Hehe…"

Raven widened her eyes in shock as she felt something biting into her legs. She looked down and gasped when she saw a small mouse sinking its teeth into her flesh. She pulled the slingshot band back and fired a light bulb, which hit the mouse in the face and caused it to rocket towards the ground.

Beast Boy, aware of the events, looked around the room in shock. Raven did as well, and the two were surprised to see at least fifty mice poking their heads up from various objects.

Within a matter of seconds, one of the bigger mice squeaked out a battle cry, and each mouse began to charge at the empath and changeling.

"GAAH!" screamed Beast Boy as he fired a light bulb. "THERE'S TOO MANY OF THEM!"

"What do we do?" asked Raven, rapidly shooting down mice.

"RAPID FIRE!"

The two moved about the room, trying their hardest to avoid the sharp teeth of the fiery rodents. To their surprise, however, Cyborg and Robin burst into the room with cocked pistols.

"PUT YOUR HANDS UP!" shouted Cyborg. "SURRENDER OR I'LL HAVE THE MICE TEAR YOU TO SHREDS!"

"NEVER!" shouted Beast Boy as Raven rapidly put her hands in the air. "I WILL GO DOWN WITH PRIDE!"

As soon as he ended this sentence, a faint ringing filled the room. The four looked in confusion as did the mice, who began gibbering to one another.

"Oh," said Cyborg, putting down his gun. "That's my phone. 'Scuse me."

He pressed a button on his arm. "Hello?" he asked.

"Is this Mr. Victor Stone?"

"Perhaps. Who are you?"

"My name is Miss Virginia Anthony, and I am the legal representative of Mr. Jonathon H. Tweed III."

Cyborg looked at Raven and Robin with a confused glance, who seemed to be returning the look as well. "I'm sorry… You must have the wrong person. Mr. Tweed was…"

"Extremely wealthy, I know. He left some things in his will for you and I'm going to have to ask you to come and see me. When can you come?"

Cyborg shrugged, despite the fact that he knew very well she couldn't see it. "We can come anytime."

"How does 1:30 this afternoon sound?"

"Fine by me."

"Wonderful. My office is located in the Stafford Business Complex on the third floor. Room 252. And please… don't be late."

The sound of a receiver being hung up could be heard from Cyborg's arm, causing a moment of silence to fill the room.

Noise resumed, however, when Beast Boy shot a light bulb at Cyborg's good eye, hit it, and taking advantage of the distraction, ran away.

3

Raven, Robin, and Cyborg each stepped into the small waiting area, where they quickly took in their surrounding. Five chairs sat against the left hand wall while a woman behind a desk scribbled on a notepad in the upper-right hand corner.

Raven and Robin quickly took a seat while Cyborg went over to the desk, spoke some words with the woman, and soon made his way so he could sit in one of the chairs as well.

As Raven quickly reached into her pocket to pull out the New York Times crossword puzzle, Robin pulled out of his pocket a travel-sized coloring book. He later pulled out a case of colored pencils, selected a yellow one, and quickly set to work on coloring Pikachu.

As soon as the Boy Wonder finished coloring the rodent's face, the door on the far side of the room opened to reveal a woman with a brown "wings" haircut and wearing a gray, typical business dress. Her cheeks were high and bony, and her eyes had a look that said "I'm a lawyer, so do what I say or I'll turn around and bitchslap you in the face".

"Is Victor Stone here?" she asked, her voice raspy and somewhat irritated.

"Yes," said Cyborg, gesturing to himself. "If you don't mind, I brought some of my friends that knew Mr. Tweed."

The woman merely glared at Robin and Raven, who sat in their chairs feeling cornered. "Fine," she said. "Just follow me."

The three left their chairs and followed the woman, who had turned left and was now walking down a narrow hallway. Her steps were quick and her strides short, as if her groin only bore a small amount of elasticity.

She quickly opened a door on the right side of the hall which bore the title Virginia Anthony.

The three immediately recognized the name and followed her into the room. It was very small; it would probably only fit twenty people if all of the furniture had been taken out. The only furniture was a small loveseat and two recliners, a glass coffee table between them. Miss Anthony took a recliner, and Robin and Raven, feeling that Cyborg should've been the one to make direct conversation to the lawyer, took the loveseat.

"Toffee?" asked Miss Anthony, grabbing a tin off the coffee table and shoving it in Cyborg's lap.

Cyborg obliged by removing the lid and selecting a morsel before passing it to Raven.

"First of all," began Miss Anthony, "let me give you my condolences for your loss."

The three Titans merely muttered things such as "Yeah", "Thanks", "OK", and so on while digging through the toffee tin.

"May I ask how well you knew Mr. Tweed?"

"Well," said Raven, cramming a second toffee into her mouth. "Robin and I… that's this guy over here, had known him ever since we bought our condo, which would've been… two months ago."

"And what about you, Mr. Stone?" asked Miss Anthony, turning her attention to Cyborg. "How long did you know him?"

"About the same."

"He was very fond of you, Mr. Stone."

Cyborg raised an eyebrow. "Really?"

"In that non-gay way, yes."

"Oh… OK. Good."

"Anyway," continued Miss Anthony. "Mr. Tweed was not who you thought he was. He-"

Robin gasped, interrupting her statement. "We've known a CIA agent all this time?"

"No."

"I can't believe it! We actually met a CIA agent!"

"Forgive him," said Raven, patting Robin on the head. "He gets confused."

"GAAAH! SOMETHING'S GOT ME! SOMETHING'S… Oh! It's you, Raven!"

Miss Anthony merely raised an eyebrow, wondering why her client would have chosen these people to be his friends. No matter, though. She had a job to do and money to collect.

"Anyway, Mr. Tweed was one of the wealthiest men in the state. He was the head of a successful paper company that made him a billionaire."

"I'm not buying that," said Cyborg, a frown on his face. "If he had been a billionaire, he would've gotten out of those rags and bought a house, at least."

"Mr. Tweed had a slight mental disorder that made him slightly dur dur dur." Miss Anthony slapped her chest several times with her eyes rolled back and her tongue sticking out of her mouth. "He strived to be different by living on the streets and giving all of his money to charitable organizations."

"Which organizations?" asked Robin.

"The charitable ones."

Before Robin could respond, Miss Anthony continued. "Anyway, Mr. Stone, Mr. Tweed has included you in his will. He has left you the Sunshine Paper Company and fifty million dollars for you to build a headquarters for…" Miss Anthony reached into her pocket and pulled out a scrap of paper. "…The 'Teen Titans'."

"That's so generous of him," said Cyborg. "Thank him for us."

"I can't do that, Mr. Stone. He's dead."

"Oh yes…"

"The money has already been put into Mr. Tweed's bank account, which remains active for your use. The password to use it is 'sunshine'."

"Thank you," said Cyborg, getting up from the recliner. Robin and Raven followed suit.

The three left, leaving Miss Anthony alone in her office. She shook her head, sending her hair everywhere, and reached down onto the coffee table to pick up a picture of Mr. Jonathon H. Tweed III. She punched the glass protecting the picture and threw it into a large garbage can, which held several identical frames of different people.

"I love how morbid this job is," she said, grinning.

Coming

Beast Boy plopped his ass on the couch and turned on the large television in front of him. It had been three days since he and his new friends had entered their new home: a giant tower in the shape of a T. As gay as it may sound, the tower was very state-of-the-art, and everybody in the city would've given anything to stay one night in its metallic halls.

The construction only took nine days. The materials were provided from many different companies, and even though the Titans' budget was limited, they managed to get the tower they had always dreamed of. Or, that is to say, Robin dreamed of it… Nobody else really cared what it looked like, just as long as it was warm and safe.

The war between Beast Boy and Cyborg had ended. Or, that is to say, it was on hiatus. The two had agreed to stop in order to build the tower and planned to restart on the fifth of June. It was now the fourth of the said month, and the changeling was trying his hardest to take in a large amount of relaxation. His mice were also taking a break, eating their weight in cheese and hamster treats.

As the boy changed the channels, he heard the sound of overdriven guitars coming up from behind him. The tune was very familiar; he probably heard the song everyday. Eager to know where it was coming from, he turned his head to see his enemy, an iPod in his hand and a pair of headphones in his… ears…

The half-man, half-machine sat down on the couch and glared at Beast Boy, who returned the look. However, the changeling's heart began to soften, and his glare turned into one of slight interest.

"You like the White Stripes, too?"

Cyborg had somehow managed to hear the question over the guitars, and his glare turned into one of interest as well. "Yeah," he replied. "They're good."

"Black Math, right?"

Cyborg looked down at his iPod. "Yeah."

"I'm more of a Hotel Yorba person, myself."

"I don't care for that song. Folkish music never did anything for me."

"Meh."

"What do you think about the whole bassist thing?"

"You mean the thing where people say they hate the White Stripes because they don't have a bassist?"

"Yeah."

"I personally don't care. Jack White can easily dub a bass into their songs, if he doesn't already, and even if they had one, the bass riffs are hardly ever heard or noticed."

"That's exactly what I think. Just the other day, my girlfriend and I were in a coffee house, and there was a radio that played music over some loud speakers, and we were talking about the songs and stuff. Then the White Stripes came on and she said they needed a bassist, and until they got one she wasn't going to listen to them."

"That's bull crap!"

"Isn't it, though? I dumped her right then and there!"

The two boys sat on the couch in silence, wondering if what had just happened was an actual event or just a trick of the mind.

"Did we do what I think we just did?" asked Cyborg.

"I think so… We just had a friendly conversation."

"You wanna go get some pizza?"

"Sure."

And they left. Yay.

Soonish…

Meanwhile, in the tower's kitchen, Robin and Raven were enjoying a nice batch of steaming apple cider contained in a Sunshine Paper paper cup. Robin didn't exactly care for the drink, but after a person has been threatened to drink it so a certain empath wouldn't have to prepare anything else, he was suddenly fond of the hot beverage.

"Beast Boy and Cyborg have really hit it off," he said, hoping to strike up a conversation.

"Mhmm," replied Raven during a sip.

"And it kind of bothers me, too. The whole thing about them getting together just because of a band doesn't seem natural to me."

"I don't see a problem in it," said Raven, twirling her cup around in her hands. "People get together like that all the time."

"Name one example."

"Beast Boy and Cyborg."

"Hmph! Good point!"

"The thing that bothers me is the fact that had it happened to Beast Boy and me instead of Beast Boy and Cyborg, an author would've had grounds for fluff."

"…That's certainly true."

"Of course, there's a chance that some yaoi author is going to write something about… them…"

"…"

"Meanwhile," said Raven, giving her attention to an assortment of mice in front of her, "what do you guys think about it?"

The mice were all busy chewing on small pieces of apple, each bearing an expression that would've made Hamtaro look like he was an ugly duckling. The largest one of them all, a white one with a black circle around his left eye, dropped his piece of apple and stuck his nose up into the air, his nostrils sniffing and his whiskers moving around. Aw…

Squeak squeak squeak.

"You think Beast Boy and Cyborg should go back to war?"

Squeak squeak. Squeak squeak squeak.

"You think that now they're going to secretly enter a gay sexual relationship and try to keep it a secret from us?"

"That's not what he's saying," said Robin, giving Raven a glance.

"Oh hush. You don't know anything."

Probably…

Sorry for the wait. Reviews are as nice as cookies!