A/N: Alright, this one has been a long time coming. Thanks to Foxygirl33 for the excellent suggestions and for easing my pre-updating nerves! Hope you all enjoy :)
When Kate awoke she was surrounded by near-complete darkness. Moving her eyes slowly back and forth, she took a few seconds to examine her surroundings. Her brain felt a little fuzzy and she didn't even remember deciding to go to sleep. She sensed a glow somewhere off to her left, and the sounds of dry wood popping and crackling told her it was a fire.
Kate knew she was in the caves and, judging by both the darkness and the cool breeze raising goose bumps on her bare arms, it was the middle of the night. This should have come as no surprise; she'd been sleeping at the caves for days. But then why did she feel so foggy and disoriented?
Puzzled, she turned her head slightly on the pillow and noticed for the first time that she wasn't alone. There, a few feet to her right, sat Jack with his elbows propped up on his knees, head in his hands. His eyes weren't visible and, at first, she thought he was asleep. But then she noticed the slow movement of his palms, the heels of his strong hands rubbing slow circles into his temples. He seemed agitated, tense. She thought for a moment that she should say something so that he would know she was awake. But it wasn't often that she got a chance to observe him like this, and she stayed silent, wondering why he wasn't asleep.
He had mentally kicked himself all the way back to the caves. Had he really just said that to Sawyer? Actually voiced a claim on Kate? It had seemed right in the moment, to remind Sawyer that he had put her in danger, and to imply that there was something between himself and Kate, something greater than whatever she had with Sawyer.
In truth, Jack had no idea how Kate felt about Sawyer. And irrespective of whatever that relationship might be, Jack was fairly certain that he had effectively ruined anything that he himself might have had with Kate with his callous, insensitive comment just a few hours earlier. Since she had gotten sick, Jack felt as though they had moved into new territory in their relationship. Kate had opened up to him more than ever before, and he knew it wasn't easy for her to get close to people, to share so many aspects of herself with someone else. But he also knew that he had stopped this progress in one sickening instant, and he doubted she would forget it anytime soon.
When he'd reached the caves Sun had briefed him on Kate's condition: she was still in a deep sleep, but she was breathing steadily and didn't seem to have a fever at this point. Jack thanked Sun and watched her leave the cave, throwing one last concerned look over her shoulder.
He had stood in uncertainty for several minutes, watching Kate sleep. She looked peaceful, calm. It was quite a juxtaposition to the way she had looked earlier, angry and sick and hurt… Part of him thought he should ask Sun to come back, so that she would be the one there when Kate awoke. He was afraid that seeing him there would cause her to run, and it was important for her to stay at the caves awhile longer to regain her strength.
Finally, though, his own need to be there with her and to apologize as best he could propelled him forward, and he settled himself down at her side with a deep sigh. She continued to sleep as the sun disappeared behind the tree line and the stars appeared against the black sky. Jack never moved, simply watched her and tried to find the right words to say all the things he wanted to say to her… the things he had to say to her. Every muscle in his body ached with the tension of the day and a persistent throbbing behind his eyes grew stronger and stronger. He thought vaguely how easy it would be to pop a few aspirin from his supplies, and instantly chided himself for thinking so selfishly. Instead, he pressed the heels of his hands into his aching head, hoping that stimulating the muscles there would help relieve some of the pressure.
He didn't know how long Kate had been watching him before he had realized she was awake, but when he looked up she was staring at him with those clear, beautiful eyes and a look of concern on her face.
"Hey," she said in a small voice.
"Hey," Jack returned, taken rather aback. Everything he had prepared to say to her seemed suddenly erased from his mind and he watched her, anxious to gauge her mood.
She gave him a small smile that filled Jack with momentary hope. Maybe things would be okay between them... Maybe she didn't hate him after all…
"How are you feeling?" he asked hesitantly.
"Fine. Good, actually; just a little disoriented for some reason. Was I asleep long?"
It hit him like a blow to the face: she didn't remember what had happened earlier.
"Uh, yeah, for about six hours or so."
"Wow, I don't even remember being tired," Kate replied.
Jack opened his mouth to explain, but hesitated. Not only had he hurt the one person on the island that he felt close to, but now he had to remind her of it all over again.
"Kate, you uh… you actually passed out again."
"I did?" she asked, eyebrows furrowed in confusion.
"Yeah. You went for a walk with Sawyer earlier, and afterwards--"
He didn't need to finish. Jack watched as the color rose in Kate's cheeks and her eyes grew dark as the events of the day came crashing back to her. She turned her face away from him and stared at the cave ceiling, trying to process everything that had happened earlier.
She felt stupid for not remembering her fight with Jack, but was also sorry that she did now. It wasn't such a terrible thing he had said to her, really. In fact, it was accurate…true. The thing that had gotten her into so much trouble over the years was, after all, her poor judgment, right? Kate had accepted the blame for the direction her life had taken a long time ago, had accepted that people would hold her past against her. But it hurt more than she had ever imagined to hear it from Jack…
Kate felt her chest tightening and tears welled in her eyes. She took a shaky breath and tried to stay in control. She could feel Jack's eyes on her, but she couldn't bring herself to look at him, even when he uttered her name, pain evident in his voice.
"Kate… I, uh… I just want you to know that I didn't mean what I said today. And I know you're probably asking yourself why, uh, why I said it then…." He paused and cleared his throat nervously before continuing. "The thing is, I've been asking myself that same question all night, and there's really only one explanation-- I was, uh, jealous."
Jack let out a nervous laugh, feeling ridiculous for having admitted it. But now that he had begun, he needed to finish what he had started. If he didn't say these things to her now, he might never get a second chance.
"It was great to see you feeling so strong this morning, you know? To see you smiling. And I was, uh… I was really looking forward to taking that walk with you."
Kate turned to look at him, finally, but her expression was unreadable. Jack's eyes shifted uncertainly from her face to the ground as he continued.
"So when I saw you with Sawyer, I just kind of… Well, I didn't handle it the way I should have." He gave a wry smile and licked his lips before continuing.
"And I'm sorry about that. Obviously, you have every right to spend time with him. I mean, I know you two are close, so…" he nodded and looked down, jaw set, seemingly unable to finish the sentence. He absently plucked a small twig from the ground in front of him, twirling it in his fingers for a few moments. Kate wasn't sure he would go on.
But when Jack raised his eyes back up to meet hers, Kate saw his determination and knew he wasn't finished yet. She held her breath as he continued.
"So what I'm trying to say, Kate, is uh… is that I care about you very much. And I never meant to hurt you."
Not only did the words themselves surprise Kate, but his genuine tone and the emotion evident in his eyes as he uttered them left her speechless. She stared at him for a moment, trying to make sense of what he had just said. She opened her mouth to speak, but nothing came out.
"You don't have to say anything," Jack said quickly, shaking his head. "I just… wanted to make sure that was clear."
He stood and walked to the foot of her makeshift bed. "You should probably try to get some more rest now." He had slipped back into doctor-mode, his comfort zone. She could tell by the way his face had changed, hardened almost imperceptibly as he tried to erase the emotion that had been written on it only seconds before. His eyes betrayed him, though; they always did.
Kate nodded her head slightly in agreement, and Jack searched her eyes with his own for a long moment before nodding back and walking out of the cave…