Disclaimer: I don't own the Teen Titans.
Author's Note: I dedicate this to my sister, because I would have never written this story if she hadn't gotten so tongue-tied at Dennys. I also dedicate this to Kaitlyn, because Brit rocks and I still remember her.
8888888888888888888888888
(The Titans all decide to go to Dennys and get a booth)
Waiter: What'll you have to drink?
Robin: Protein shake.
Raven: Herbal tea.
Beast Boy: Anything vegetarian.
Cyborg: Barbeque sauce.
Starfire: The mustard!
Waiter (raising an eyebrow): Right…
(Waiter leaves and comes back with drinks)
Robin gulped his shake down and smacked his glass on the table. Raven drank her herbal tea in slow sips. Beast Boy and Cyborg raced to see who could drink theirs first, and Cyborg won. Starfire was screwing her face as she sucked mustard out of a bottle as fast as she could.
After she was done chugging mustard, Starfire daintily plucked a napkin off of the table, and forcibly stuffed it into her skirt.
Robin (dazed): Uh… Starfire? Why did you just shove a napkin in your skirt?
Starfire: To protect the underwear from the stains.
Robin: Whatever you say.
Just then, Slade walked into the restaurant with an old lady.
Robin: Slade!
Slade sat down at a table with the elderly woman, and Robin found it to be his chance at a sneak attack. He ran up behind Slade and tried to kick him in the back of the head, but Slade casually stuck up a hand and blocked it.
Robin: Slade! What are you doing here?
Slade: Honestly Robin, can't a person treat their mother to a nice dinner?
Robin: Huh?
Slade's Mother: Honestly dear, must you wear that hideous mask in public?
Slade: But mother! My arch enemies are here!
Slade's Mother: Take that thing off or I'll join you at the next villain's meeting!
Slade: But mother!
Slade's Mother: No buts! Now take that thing off!
Slade (taking off his mask): Alright…
Robin: Gasp!
Beast Boy: Gasp!
Raven: Gasp!
Cyborg: Gasp!
Starfire: The gasp!
Slade's mother: Gasp!
Slade: Gasp!
Some random meat: Gasp!
Beast Boy: Dude! That's why I don't eat meat!
Robin: Daddy!
Robin ran up to Slade and gave him a great big hug.
Slade: I'm not your daddy!
Slade takes off yet another mask.
Robin: Gasp!
Beast Boy: Gasp!
Raven: Gasp!
Vivi-the-fire-bringer (me): Enough already!
Some random tofu: Gasp!
Vivi: And that's why I don't eat tofu.
Robin: Mr. President! Gasp!
Beast Boy: Ga-
Vivi: Shut your freaking' traps!
Raven: You know you're controlling us, right? So yelling at us is like yelling at yourself…
Vivi (In fetal position): I'm not crazy!
Slade: And I'm not the president!
Slade takes off yet another mask.
Vivi: Brit! Ataivas's imaginary friend! Nobody except for me and Ataivas thought you existed! But I knew you did! I knew it! I went through white walls for nothing. But what are you doing here?
Brit: After the telephone mites showed up, it was all, telephone mites this, and telephone mites that. You forgot all about poor Brit!
Vivi: For all of you completely confused readers, I have the definition of telephone mites in my profile.
Brit: Now it's time for my ultimate revenge.
Vivi: When good imaginary friends go bad! Don don don! There's something you don't see everyday! Get it? Cause most people can't see them? Ha-ha! I crack myself up.
A random tomato hits Vivi.
Vivi: Ha-ha, I probably deserved that.
Brit (throwing a Poke ball): Pikachu! I choose you! Now you will pay the price!
Police (taking away Pikachu): Pokemon wasn't in the disclaimer! That makes it copyright infringement.
Brit: Darn you, Nicole!
Vivi: Shh! On this website I'm Vivi!
Police: And you'll be arrested unless you disclaim Pokemon.
Vivi (sighing): Fine! I don't own Pokemon…
Police: But we'll keep Pikachu.
Brit: Ooooooooooooooooooooooon!
Vivi: Huh?
Brit: On is no backwards!
Vivi: And evil is live backwards, and may is yam backwards, and red rum is murder backwards, and desserts is stressed backwards, and banana is ananab backwards!
Brit: Must destroy! Ah, the bloodlust.
Vivi: You're kind of… odd.
Brit: Well, I am part of cough, Kaitlyn, cough.
Vivi: Kaitlyn and I are the odd troopers. Let's go! Lock and load! I don't know but I've been told! And her name's Ataivas now.
Brit: Don't get off topic! I must destroy you!
Brit turned her head away, closed her eyes, and started flailing her arms up and down. Vivi just went over and flicked her on the nose.
Brit: Darn you Vivi! Cough, Nicole, cough.
Robin: Wait a minute… My arch nemesis was a girl? An imaginary girl? Who has catfights?
Vivi: I always knew you were pathetic. And I'm pathetic. Because none of my one-shots ever get anywhere.
Brit: Hello? We were fighting.
Vivi: Really? I just thought you were having a seizure. Oatmeal it is.
Robin (totally weirded out): Er… Oatmeal?
Vivi (snatching out a plate of cookies): Yeah! Oatmeal cookies!
Vivi started throwing oatmeal cookies at Brit.
Vivi: Take that Britain!
Brit: Gasp! Never call me by my full name!
Vivi: Eat oatmeal raisin. Step one, prepare the cookies. Step two, cram it all down Brit's throat.
Vivi crammed all of the oatmeal raisin cookies down Brit's throat.
Vivi: And viola, a three-star meal!
Brit (gagging): Delicious!
Cyborg: Hey, this is supposed to be a Teen Titans fanfic!
Vivi: Well, I wouldn't have showed up if you weren't gasping so much.
Cyborg: But you made us gasp!
Vivi: Well too freaking bad! Ha!
Waiter: What'll you have to eat?
Robin: Protein shake.
Beast Boy: Tofu.
Raven: I don't know what I eat.
Cyborg: All the ribs in the house.
Starfire: The mustard.
Vivi: Let the fight continue!
Waiter (walking away): Erkay, whatever.
Brit: Yeah! You better run!
The waiter came back and everyone shoved all that food down those itty-bitty food tubes of there's in less than two minutes. Everyone else in the restaurant was completely covered in salivated food. That's a lovely picture, isn't it?
Vivi: If you're part Ataivas, then how come you can spell?
Brit: Ack! Yu jincsed mi!
Vivi: Well… Ha!
Brit: Wat ar yu luucing att?
Beast Boy: Well, it's not every day you meet an imaginary friend who is your friend's arch nemesis, and who also can't spell, and who fights with the author who's really not supposed to be here.
Vivi: Can it, verde vomito senor. In fact, and can of, don don don, chicken broth. And you'll be inside!
Beast Boy: Hey, this is almost as bad as cannibalism, dude!
Vivi: Nope! It's worse. It's like being in animal corpses! Nya ha ha ha ha!
Beast Boy: Dude! That's gross!
Cyborg: Don't worry I'll get you out of there!
Cyborg shot a sonic cannon at the can, but the power of the keyboard protected the can, and the sonic boom reflected off. In fact, this laser thing was bouncing around the room, scorching hair and popping light bulbs. Eventually, all of the lights went out.
Raven: Now's our chance. Let's get out of here.
The Titans snuck out, leaving dissatisfied customers, angry waiters, and Brit and Vivi fighting their weird, random little catfight.
Robin: We're never eating out again.
8888888888888888888888888
Author's Note: …Hi…hen