31 Things Greg Sanders Cannot Say or Do to Gil Grissom (No Matter How Much He Wants to!)

By: RedtheBrunette

When Grissom gives Greg "the look", Greg cannot say "Ooh, are we having a staring contest?"

When Grissom tells Greg to "turn down that crap you call music", he cannot respond with "Yes Grandpa!"

When Grissom is taking a nap in his office Greg is not allowed to throw the door open and wake him up by screaming "Grissom!" especially while in nothing but his birthday suit.

Greg's not allowed to jump out at Grissom from the closet of an un-cleared crime scene (especially since he almost gave Grissom a heart attack the last time!)

Greg cannot spread rumours that the reason Grissom won't date Sara is because Grissom is gay.

Furthermore, he cannot spread rumours that Grissom has a crush on Warrick.

Or that he has one on Nick.

…Or Hodges.

He just can't spread the rumour that Grissom is in love with any male member of the lab (even if he and Warrick are awfully close!)

Greg is not allowed to offer to buy Grissom Starbucks coffee and then replace the contents with Sara's sorry excuse for coffee.

Greg is not allowed to sneak into Grissom's home while he's sleeping and shave of the entomologist's eyebrows.

Greg is not allowed to paint "#1 Roach Racer" on Grissom's Tahoe (He liked it too much!).

Greg cannot pee on Grissom's flowerbed and then claim his supervisor's azaleas "looked thristy!"

When Grissom walks into the locker room, Greg is not allowed to shriek, "I'm naked, you perv!" (especially is he's still fully dressed!)

Greg is not allowed to run, naked, through the lab with "Grissom's Boy Toy" painted on his chest.

When Grissom hands out the assignments at the beginning of a shift, Greg can't say, "You always give them the good cases!" and then rush from the room crying like a schoolgirl.

Greg can't steal the clothes from Grissom's locker and claim Mia stole them (even 'though he's wearing them.)

Greg cannot come to work looking like he's attempting to recover from a hangover and loudly announce, "Phew, that Grissom sure is a party animal-I just wish I could find out what he did with my favourite pair of boxers!"

Greg cannot post pictures of baby Gil around the lab-even if he does think the elder man looks "so cute in his cowboy suit!"

Greg is not allowed to steal Ms. Piggy from Grissom's office and use her in an R-rated puppet show with a dead frog named Kermit (no matter how much he believes they belong together!)

Greg is not allowed to put a leash and collar around Grissom's neck and then try to bribe him with "Grissom Snax."

Greg is not allowed to proclaim, loudly, into the phone, "What do you mean I have Syphilis? Gil is the only one I've ever been with!"

Greg cannot tell Grissom that his cockroaches are ugly.

He is also not allowed to paint them "pretty colours."

Greg is not to write, "Want a good time? Call Gil Grissom!" in permanent marker on every surface in the lab.

Greg is not allowed to steal Gil's Big Mouth Billy Bass and replace it with a rooster who crows every time someone tries to speak.

And he's certainly not allowed to cement said rooster to the wall.

Greg cannot dress in drag and show up in the lab claiming to be Grissom's long lost daughter, "Gilberta."

Greg cannot attempt to have Grissom committed to an old folk's home.

Or a psychiatric ward.

And, finally, Greg Sanders absolutely, positively cannot tell Grissom the he does, in fact, look fat in those pants!

XoXoXoXo

A/N Hey, yea, I know it's a really odd thing for me to be doing, but I needed a bit of a break from my new stories that are currently halted thanks to the horrible writer's block. Anyway, reviews would be appreciated and any new ones will be up soon!

'My luv,

Red