Out of Time

by KorKor11

Bella Swan lost her life and then her memory, creating a confused newborn trying to put together the pieces of her missing past. With the aid of Tanya and Irina, she learns to control her vampiric abilities while avoiding the murderous Victoria. But no one can control when time rips her from the present and brings her to Katrina. Kate/Bella. Katella.

9. Chapter 9

All Bella knew was that one minute she had been angry and scared and wanting to disappear, and the next she was somewhere else. One minute she had been resentful and wishing she had never met the Cullens, and now she was here in a dark forest with no sense of direction.

Seeing Esme and Jasper had been her undoing. She could handle Carlisle. His voice had brought her peace in a way that was similar to Eleazar, yet different at the same time. Bella couldn't remember any time spent with him. She could even handle Edward, despite the conflicted feelings she had for him.

But Esme had tricked her. She had offered Swan a motherly love that had been denied to her as a child. And then she left. Bella wondered how Esme voted. Does it really matter? Do I really want to know the answer?

And while she was lost in time, she found that she would rather be here, wherever here was, than see any of the Cullens.

All of them hurt Swan. Venom blurred her vision and she looked down at her hands. All of them hurt me.

It was difficult to reconcile that she and Swan were the same person. It had always been easier to detach herself from her human life. For a time, it made her emotions manageable. When it wasn't personal to her, it didn't hurt nearly as bad.

She didn't know what happened, or why she felt so drained. Bella had felt fatigued before when using her shield, but this was entirely different. Her energy was waning and for a moment she thought she might collapse.

What happened? Where am I? Her throat burned with an intensity that made her hiss. She had never felt like this when time-traveling. She needed blood and she needed it now.

Fortunately for her, she was in a wooded area. However, she wasn't far from the highway. She could hear the cars zipping by and it made her frown. I'm not in the past? At least, not far enough to be with Katrina.

It was dark outside, and the looming pine trees nearly blocked out the muted light of the new moon. Bugs chirped quietly and nocturnal animals skittered along the tree branches. Bella would have felt at peace were it not for the excruciating pain in the back of her throat.

Caution led her to hold her breath, but soft laughter piqued her curiosity and made her mouth pool with venom. A human? All the way out here? She resisted the urge to follow it, choosing instead to hunt.

Her mind was muddled as she brought down her prey. Esme is in my head and she's back and I can't do this. She has to leave. Bella wasn't sure if she could face her. And more than anything she wished she was in the arms of Sasha.

"You're ungrateful." Renee sneered. "If living with me is such a burden, why don't you go live with your father?"

"I...I haven't seen dad in four years. Please, just let me finish school here and-"

"You're still sick, Bella."

She dropped the deer carcass. "I'm not sick." Her brow furrowed. What? "You have to believe me, mom. I'm not sick." This is wrong. This isn't me talking.

Renee scoffed at that. "Then tell me the truth. Do you like women?"

"I...what's wrong with that?" Bella whispered, looking down at her hands. "I think women are pretty. But that's normal." Swan?

"Do you know what's not normal? Kissing them. Loving them. Drawing them."

"Drawing them?" She retorted. "I drew pictures of you. Does that make me a motherfucker?" Bella flinched when a sharp slap echoed in her mind.

"You watch your goddamn mouth when you speak to me! I'm trying to help you!" Renee roared.

Bella touched her cheek, eyes filling with venom as she croaked out, "You hit me."

"I tried to be a good mother, I did. I took you to the hospital when you became schizo. I bought all your art supplies. I even tried to give you the benefit of the doubt when you talked to me about that Katie girl-"

"Katrina." She muttered, tensing up and holding her cheek once again. "I-I'm sorry. You're right. I've been ungrateful, and I'm sorry."

Renee snorted. "You have been. And the fact that you can't help but correct that stupid girl's name is further proof that you're sick."

Bella nodded tearfully, biting her lip to hold in her sob. "Okay, I'm a little sick...but..." she let out a ragged breath and wiped at her eyes. "We can find another doctor. I can get better. I can. I won't screw this up."

Renee sighed, and Bella could practically feel the warm hand that had touched Swan's cheek. She hated how readily she had leaned into it. She hated how desperate for comfort she was after having just been yelled at.

"You know I love you, Bella. But you're draining me. You're too much."

"Mom-"

"I think it would be best if you lived with your father."

The warm hand left her cheek and Bella tried to follow it but failed. Somehow that had stung more than the slap. "You can't be serious. I'm almost finished with school-"

"Don't be selfish. Your issues have caused me more stress than you can imagine. You're going." She said firmly, making Bella clench her jaw and ball her hands into fists. "It's cold up there, so the women will be wearing layers. Maybe that'll help with your sickness." Renee said it optimistically, and Bella couldn't help but shake her head.

"That's...I still like men, mom."

"Then I guess there's hope for you yet."

Silence and shame threatened to suffocate her, and Bella finally cleared the fog that had clouded her mind. "Fuck you." She blinked back angry tears and rammed her fist into a nearby tree. "Fuck you! Fuck you and fuck Esme!" Everything hurt. I hate them, so why does everything still hurt?

"Shh, Bela. I know you're upset but you have to relax. Can you do that for me?" Carmen murmured, and Bella snarled before striking the tree again. The soothing familiarity that Carmen brought threatened to drive her mad.

"Shut up!" She didn't need this. She didn't need Renee or Esme or Carmen. She had Sasha. Sasha is everything Swan and I have ever needed in a mother. She chose me to be hers. She loves me.

A shaky breath escaped her and she relaxed her tense form. I have Sasha. Even if it's just for now. She didn't allow herself to dwell on where Sasha was currently. There's no time for that. I have to find out where I am and how to get back.

It took her a moment to compose herself. Kate helped her recognize that she and Swan were still very much the same person. Bella knew she couldn't keep pretending as though they weren't.

But for right now, I need a clear head. She closed her eyes and let the pain Renee inflicted roll off her shoulders. I'm Denali. Not Swan.

"One. Two. Three. Four. Five." She murmured, refusing to open her eyes until she had calmed herself.

If I ever see Renee again, and if she ever touches me again, I'll rip off her fucking head.

"One. Two. Three. Four. Five." Her thumb tapped her index finger and she let out a breath she hadn't realized she had been holding. "One. Two. Three. Four. Five."

If she couldn't distance herself from Swan then she would lose control, just as she did when she saw Esme and Jasper.

Denali shielded her from Swan. Denali shielded her from all the pain she had experienced in her human life.

But she shields me from all the joys I experienced in my human life.

Someday, Bella knew she'd have to stop hiding from who she had been and what she had experienced. But not now. Not while she was in this unfamiliar place with the pain of the past haunting her consciousness.

"One. Two. Three. Four. Five." Bella slowly opened her eyes. Her mind was cleared and she once again took in her surroundings.

She was still in Forks by the looks of it. A familiar tug pulled her forward, and she blinked in surprise before a relieved sigh escaped her.

"Kate."

She ran quickly, following the pull and frowning when she noticed it led her away from the Cullen household. Where is she? Wherever her mate was, she was a little too close to civilization. The time traveler sucked in a breath and ran faster. Her throat no longer burned, and as long as she held her breath she would be fine.

I didn't have the urge to drain Charlie. I can do this.

The pull stopped the moment she passed the forest treeline. Bella blinked, eyes widening as she took in the sight of Swan's house. No lights were on inside the house and Charlie's cruiser wasn't in the driveway.

What is she doing here? She straightened at the sound of a familiar laugh that left the house. It came from the upstairs bedroom.

"I have to go to sleep!" Swan? The sound of a heartbeat confirmed it. Human Swan.

"I know! I know! I'm sorry, it's just so cute to see you blush." Kate? "I'll be good, I pinky swear."

"You're full of shit!"

"I'm full of love for you." There was silence for a moment before Kate laughed quietly. "There it is! That pretty blush!" This is wrong. None of this happened.

"Ugh, shut up!" Swan didn't sound mad. Quite the opposite. "It's...how am I supposed to react when you say things like that!"

"I love your blush. Especially the way it creeps down your neck and-"

"Katrina Denali I swear to god-"

"Ooh! I love it when you're firm with me!"

"I have a history exam tomorrow. Don't make me call Carmen and Eleazar." Swan said sternly, earning her an exasperated sigh from Kate.

"Fine."

"You pinkie swore that you'd be good. You already broke it."

"Guess that means you'll have to punish me-"

"I will kick you out of my room." But Bella could hear the way Swan's heart fluttered and raced at the sound of Kate's threat.

The Denali undoubtedly heard it too, but she merely chuckled. "Okay. I'm done. I can wait to eat you out tomorrow." Christ.

Swan inhaled sharply. "Christ." Kate laughed and a disgruntled huff escaped the human. "Keep it up and I'll spend the night with Tanya or Leah."

"Leah would be barking at you all night." The vampire groaned, "And Tanya will never let me hear the end of it if you chose to sleep over with her."

"They would both let me sleep, unlike you. They wouldn't mind."

Kate scoffed. "Leah would. She's a grouchy puppy ."

"She would get over it. She's my personal heater, remember?"

This is insane. When am I? Where am I?

Bella began walking closer towards the house, brow furrowed in confusion. This isn't right. Kate should be in Alaska. More quiet laughter reached her ears along with the soft purr of Kate. How is this possible?

Bella was careless in her confusion, and her foot snapped a twig, making Kate's purr abruptly stop. "What is it?" Swan murmured, and a low growl escaped the warrior.

"Stay here." Shit. Bella tensed, debating whether or not it was acceptable to let herself be seen. Does this alter the future? But this past is wrong, what am I supposed to do?

She squeezed her eyes shut and tried to disappear. She tried to go back but nothing was happening. Why isn't this working?

When her eyes opened she barely managed to dodge the blonde blur that rocketed towards her. "Ka-" her mate whipped around and she was tackled. The two rolled across the lawn. Electricity burst from Kate's fingertips and Bella couldn't help but feel smug as she flipped them over.

Kate snarled and caught Bella by the throat. "How are you-"

Her movements were instinctual. And while she had no desire to harm her mate, she couldn't help but panic at the tight grip on her throat. Bella slammed her fist into her mate's stomach, making Kate's grip on her throat loosen.

"Shit!"

Bella wrenched from her grasp and pushed off the warrior. She flew backward, landing on her feet with ease as Kate rushed towards her once again.

The time traveler put her hands. "I'm so sorry! I didn't want to punch you but you had my throat and I panicked and-"

"Bella?" Kate stopped right in front of her, gold eyes wide and mouth agape. "How are you...no." Her eyes narrowed. "This is a trick. An illusion."

She blinked in confusion. "What?"

"Don't play dumb! Who are you?" Kate demanded, crouching once again. "How are you unaffected by my power?"

Her thumb tapped restlessly against her index finger, and the sight of it made her mate's anger falter. "Kate, it's me. Bella." She reached out her hand. "I'm a shield, remember?" Kate regarded her hand warily and Bella sighed before putting it down. "I...I'm not sure where I am. All of this is wrong-"

"It is." The warrior growled, though she now looked unsure. "I don't know any shields, and Bella certainly isn't one. You're clearly an illusion of some sort. Maybe Zafrina's playing a trick on me-"

"Who?" Bella's patience grew thin. "I don't know of any vampires who can manipulate illusions." She shook her head and fought back a growl. "I don't have time for this. I have to get home." The time traveler made a move to walk around Kate but the warrior grabbed her arm.

Her eyes widened and she gave her arm a light squeeze. "You...you even feel real. Usually, I can tell the difference but...this time I can't."

"Because I am real." She muttered, pulling away from her. She didn't mean to be so grouchy towards her mate, but it had been a long day and Kate attacking her was just the cherry on top.

The blonde stared at her for a moment before she snapped her fingers. "Of course! You're my Bella from the future." She gave her a sheepish smile. "I didn't think you could be here presently and from the future." She reached for her, and Bella allowed herself to be dragged into a gentle hug. "I'm sorry...though I don't know what all this shield nonsense is about. That is something you'll have to explain to me."

Bella closed her eyes for a moment, relieved to be in her arms before she pulled away. "I'm not from the future." Kate frowned at her and she continued. "I don't know where I'm at...but this is wrong. When I was human I didn't know you or the rest of the Denali's."

Kate shook her head. "You're not making any sense, Bella. We've always been in and out of Forks, just like you told us to be."

"I...no. I never told you to come here." None of this makes sense.

Kate cupped her face in her hands and looked at her worriedly. "Yes, you did. Why don't you remember?"

Exasperation overcame her but she couldn't bring herself to pull away from her mate. "Because I never told you to go to Forks. This is..." what I wanted. "Where are the Cullens?"

"They're in Alaska." She said. "What do you need them for?"

Bella leaned into her touch, reeling from the information. "Alaska? Has Swan met them?"

"Swan?"

"Kate, please just..." Bella closed her eyes. One. Two. Three. Four. Five. "Does the Bella here know the Cullens? Has she met them at all?"

Kate pressed a comforting kiss to her forehead. "You haven't met them, no. You don't begin time traveling until you become a vampire." This is what I wanted. I never wanted to meet the Cullens and now I'm in a world where I haven't.

"How..." she trailed off, opening her eyes to see the blonde peering at her worriedly. "Where am I?" She gently removed Kate's hands from her face and looked around. The new moon, nearly invisible to the human eye but so clear to her own, was still shining overhead, and she couldn't help but stare at it for a moment.

Wherever she was, she wondered if her Kate was looking at the same moon.

"Bella?"

"I have to get home." But do I? She couldn't tear her eyes off the moon.

If I could change things...if I could make a world where I didn't lose my memories, and if I was only ever with the Denali's, wouldn't that be better? No Edward. No Esme. No Jasper. No Emmett. No Alice. No Carlisle. No Rosalie. Just Kate and Carmen and Eleazar and Tanya and Irina.

It sounded too good to be true. A world where the past didn't haunt her and the future didn't frighten her. Edward would never have gotten the chance to make Swan feel as though she were less. Swan wouldn't have put all her faith and love into Esme only to be abandoned, just as she had been by Renee.

She wouldn't suffer from flashbacks every time she saw Jasper's face. She wouldn't have to look at Alice, someone who had come to be her close friend in spite of her memory loss, and realize that she was in favor of leaving Swan behind. She wouldn't have to sit awkwardly through Emmett's loud retellings of a friendship she couldn't remember.

And I wouldn't have to put up with Rosalie's cruelty. Or be forced to remember why Swan was so endeared to her, and feel the same myself.

"Wait," Rosalie called out to her, and she felt a phantom grip on her wrist. "Why are you running from me?" She sounded confused, desperate, even. "I thought this would fix things. I thought-"

"I can't do this," Swan said. "I can't. I'm so sorry." She sounded as though she were crying.

"Bella...I thought you wanted..." Rosalie's voice had a tremor in it. But only for a moment. "You insufferable child! What can't you do? Forgive me? Am I that irredeemable?"

"Bella-"

"She's listening." Bella didn't even blink when the human Bella spoke to Kate from her room. She didn't even notice her. "Wait until she's finished listening."

"It's not you, Rose. You have to believe that-"

"I know it's not me!" Rosalie snarled, but beneath the anger, there was uncertainty and fear. "You run and hide when things get difficult and that's exactly what you're doing now." A harsh chuckle escaped her. "I'm not like you. If I have a problem I make it known." Her voice softened ever so slightly. "What's your problem, Bella?"

Swan sounded frustrated now. "My problem? My problem is that I can't be with-" she choked up, as though unable to finish her sentence. "Rose," Swan pleaded. "Please, you have to let me go."

"Let you..." the phantom grip on her wrist slackened before it disappeared. "Fine, if you want to throw this away I won't stop you."

"I'm sorry," Swan whispered, and Bella found herself staring up at the moon again. "I didn't want it to be like this. I'm sic-" she stopped herself and swallowed thickly. "I just...I can't do this. It's not you. It was never you. You have to believe me."

"I have to believe you?" A snort escaped the blonde. "I don't do anything that I deem unnecessary, and right now, that's exactly what this conversation is. Unnecessary."

"Rose-"

"I'll take you home."

Swan sniffled and cleared her throat. "I...I think I'd prefer to walk."

Rosalie scoffed at that. "I know you suddenly can't stand to be around me, but you'll have to suck it up. You're not walking home alone in the dark."

"It's...Rose it's not like that-"

"You don't need to explain yourself, Bella." Rosalie's voice softened. She conceded to Swan's wishes. "Just please, let me take you home. We don't have to talk. I would actually prefer if we didn't."

"I'm sorry," Bella murmured, squeezing her eyes shut and shaking her head. The voices went silent and Bella couldn't help but scowl. What was that all about? Swan sounded like she...no. That's insane.

Rosalie had done something, something she was trying to make up to Swan for. But Swan wouldn't have turned her back on Rose. She didn't have the spine for it.

So why did she run? Why was she so sad? Can't be with...with Rosalie? Why? She wondered if Rosalie had done something particularly offensive, but Swan had even said that it wasn't Rosalie's fault.

So why did Swan run? She was going to mention being sick. Was she physically attracted to Rosalie? That would make sense. Maybe she was afraid of her own desires-

Someone cleared their throat and she blinked before she tore her eyes from the new moon. Swan was staring at Bella with knowing brown eyes and a wry smile. "Hey, Bella."

Swan looked different, yet the same. Her body was leaner than the Swan that Bella had seen. This Swan had the body of an athlete with sinewy muscles and callused hands.

Her demeanor was confident. There was no arrogance in the way she carried herself. Only comfort and self-assurance as she strode towards the vampires with her arms swinging slightly at her sides.

It was unsettling, but Bella wasn't sure why.

"Um, hey, Swan," was all she could mutter back. Swan didn't look surprised in the slightest as she stopped in front of her and Kate.

The human looked her up and down for a moment before her smile softened. "We look good as a vampire."

A surprised laugh escaped Bella. "Yeah, we do."

Kate looked in between them before frowning. "Would one of you care to explain what's going on?"

Swan gestured at Bella. "She's me, but from another dimension. An alternate reality."

"Alternate reality?" Bella parroted, feeling just as confused as her mate looked. "How...how is this possible?"

The human shrugged. "I've been visited by you before. Or...maybe a different you?" She hummed. "Our time power varies based on our abilities as a shield." Bella stared at her dumbly and Swan cracked a smile. "I'm guessing you're also a shield?"

The knowing look that sparked in brown eyes led Bella to believe that the human wasn't guessing anything. "I am."

Swan jutted her thumb towards her house. "I grew up in Forks with Charlie. I haven't experienced whatever pain Renee inflicted on you, so my shield never manifested." Bella's eyes widened and Kate frowned at her.

"What...what did Renee do to her?" She asked quietly, and when no one offered a response she growled. "What did she do to her that made her manifest a fucking shield as a human!"

Shame threatened to suffocate her, and Bella couldn't meet Swan's worried gaze as she looked away from them. She didn't know where the feeling came from or why it lingered. It wasn't my fault. None of that was my fault. Yet a part of her couldn't help but doubt the truth of that claim.

"What are you crying about?" Sasha asked gently.

She felt the tension leave her shoulders.

"You've got me."

Bella was overwhelmed with relief. Sasha is my mother. She's all I need.

She hardly registered that Kate and Swan were still having a conversation. "I know you wished you could have protected her, but it was out of your control. Yelling won't change that." Swan said gently, resting a hand on Kate's arm.

Oddly enough their intimacy didn't bother her in the slightest.

Gold eyes looked at the human helplessly. "But she's...you're both my...that's why we came here! That's why I came here! To protect you! And she..." Kate looked at Bella. "Where am I in your dimension? What was I doing while you were trapped with that woman!"

The vampire couldn't find the words to speak, so Swan spoke for her. "This Bella didn't want to alter the future, so she kept it a secret." Her eyes glazed over for a moment before she grimaced, face going pale and thumb tapping rapidly against her index finger. "Eleazar wasn't able to interfere with the custody battle, so this Bella grew up with Renee." She looked away from her. "Your shield...it wasn't just Renee, it was also the treatments."

Bella backed away from her. "How are you able to see all this?" She didn't want to talk about her past. Not now. Not yet.

"I'm sorry," Swan said quietly. "I know that doesn't mean anything to you but...I really am sorry."

The vampire refrained from baring her teeth at her. "You're right, that doesn't mean anything to me."

"You don't have to be so..." Kate trailed off, frowning and looking in between the two of them. "Mean to yourself?" The two smiled at her, and the tension between the three melted away. "Oh, you both are so beautiful. How did I get so lucky?" She then blinked and smiled awkwardly. "Um, sorry." She looked at Swan. "You were speaking and I..."

Swan kissed her cheek, making Kate grin happily and perk up. "We're lucky to have you too." She then turned to Bella. "My powers of time manipulation are stronger because I never manifested a shield." She looked past Bella. "I see pathways and infinite possibilities. All of them have you, all of them have us, but the outcomes differ."

Bella was reeling from this information and Kate looked just as shocked. "Why haven't you told me any of this?"

Swan frowned and shook her head. "I don't make it a habit to look at differing realities. I've seen what becomes of me if I do." She quieted for a moment, looking disturbed before she cleared her throat. "I lose all concepts of time and my own reality becomes distorted. And then I lose my mind." A grim smile played on her lips. "Needless to say it's pretty dangerous."

Kate gave her a worried look. "You've seen this happen."

"I have...it's unpleasant." Swan shifted uncomfortably before she changed the subject. "My time-traveling doesn't manifest until I become a vampire, then I'll have complete control."

Bella stared at her closely. "So...if I go back and tell the Denali's...I can have this life?"

Swan hesitated. "You can. But this life has a cost." Kate looked at her in confusion while Bella clenched her jaw.

"I'll pay the price."

She stilled, brown eyes glazed over and tears rose to the surface. Kate startled at the sight and moved to comfort her, but Swan put up her hand to stop her. "I'm fine I just…" she looked at Bella. "So eager to pay the price without knowing the cost." She rebuked, voice thick with emotion and hands trembling slightly.

Swan's thumb tapped rapidly against her index finger and Bella narrowed her eyes. "What did you see?"

The human smiled bleakly at her. "Life isn't a fairytale, Bella. Every reality has its heartbreaks and setbacks, no matter what you do." Her voice softened and her eyes became unfocused. "This life costs us. We didn't know it would, but it did."

Bella watched her closely, unsettled by the pain in her voice and the flatness in her eyes. "Well, is it worth it?" She was almost afraid to ask.

"I don't know," Swan laughed but it was devoid of humor. "You tell me, is Irina worth it?"

The vampire's eyes widened and Kate was in front of her in seconds. "Irina still lives in your world?" Her eyes were filled with venom and her hands gripped Bella's shoulders. "Is this true?"

"She's...no this can't be." Bella pulled away from her, looking around as though her sister would magically appear. A world without the Cullens would also mean a world without Irina. "Irina can't die!" She snarled. "She's too strong, too smart! She can't just be...she's my maker! My sister"

Swan reached out to her. "Bella-"

Bella hissed at her, making Kate move protectively in front of the human. "Irina isn't dead. She isn't. You're lying!"

"I'm not lying!" Swan yelled, moving past Kate so she was in Bella's face. "I'm not a shield! Not like you are! When they came…" she trailed off, losing the heat in her voice. "I couldn't protect her. None of us could."

Bella was reeling, still unable to imagine a world without Irina in it. Her stomach churned and for a moment she thought she was about to vomit.

"I don't feel like I'm a good newborn." Bella had confessed. "I still can't hold anything and it's been a week. I'm angry a lot and-"

Irina had laughed at that. Not one of cruelty or mockery, but a genuine laugh had escaped her. "Bella, this is normal."

Something in her had caused her to lash out at this. "I don't want to be normal, Rina! I want to make you proud! I want to be a good newborn!"

"Bella," her maker had cooed, cupping her face in her hands. "You control your impulses far better than most. And even if you didn't, I would still be proud of you. You are my newborn. My sister. And you are trying. Our diet isn't easy, but you haven't complained once." Bella had stared at her in awe and disbelief, and her heart had been so full because of the praise. "I've never had a newborn before, or a younger sister. I'm so happy that you're my first, and I'm grateful you remain patient with me as I learn what it means to be a maker."

The vampire shook her head vehemently. "No. Irina isn't dead. She isn't. That's not possible...I wouldn't let that happen."

"Prečo ja?" [Why me?] Irina murmured. "Nie som veľmi dobrý upír, Bela. Som príliš jemný. Frustrujem Katrina a Tatyana svojimi otázkami. Nie som si istý, či som vhodný pre našu zmluvu." [I'm not a very good vampire, Bela. I'm too gentle. I frustrate Katrina and Tatyana a lot with my questions. I'm not sure I'm a good fit for our coven.]

She remembers the conversation well. It had surprised her. The younger Irina was so unsure of herself and it was heartbreaking to see.

Bella had grabbed her hands to garner her attention. "Neexistuje správny spôsob, ako byť upírom. Pozri sa na mňa, pijem zvieracia krv. Mnohí nášho druhu by povedali, že som chudobný upír." [There is no correct way to be a vampire. Look at me, I drink animal blood. Many of our kind would say I make a poor vampire.]

Irina's eyes had watered. "Ale to si vyžaduje silu, Bela. A vy ste štít. Si mocný a dobre zapadáš a ja len... Mám pocit, že niekedy by bolo lepšie, keby naša zmluva bola mimo-" [But that takes strength, Bella. And you're a shield. You're powerful and you fit in well and I just...I feel like sometimes our coven would be better off-]

"Neodvažuj sa dokončiť tú vetu." [Don't you dare finish that sentence.] Bella warned. "Tatyana a Katrina sú drsné okolo okrajov, je to tak, ako sú, ale zahrievajú sa na vás. Naša matka ťa zbožňuje a ja tiež. Si moja sestra a bez teba by táto zmluva nebola celá." [Tatyana and Katrina are rough around the edges, it's just how they are, but they're warming up to you. Our mother adores you, and so do I. You're my sister, and without you, this coven wouldn't be whole.]

"Bez teba by som nebol celý." [Without you, I wouldn't be whole.] Bella blinked, clenching her jaw and staring at Swan. "Who does it? How can I-"

Swan shook her head. "You'll know when the time comes. Just focus on Irina. Remember Erik. That's all I can say."

Erik. She couldn't save him. The thought unnerved her. Whatever was going to happen she worried it had something to do involving Sasha. Her absence.

Bella nodded numbly. "Okay...I can...I can do that." Her eyes watered, and she couldn't bring herself to look at the pain etched into her mate's face. "I save her since I'm a shield, right? Please tell me I save her." She all but begged.

Irina was her sister. Her best friend. She and Tanya were the first ones at Bella's side when she awoke as a vampire. She protected her, cared for her, loved her. A life where Bella was saved by the Denali's seemed like a nice one, but not one she would give up her Irina for.

Swan had slipped an arm around Kate's wrist, who was now staring blankly ahead. "You're a shield. Protecting your loved ones is instinctual to you. Irina is in good hands."

Bella gnawed on her lip, chancing another glance at Kate who still hadn't moved. "I'm sorry." She murmured. "I, uh," she swallowed thickly, thumb tapping against her index finger. "I'm so sorry."

She didn't know what else she could say. Sorry I get to live with Irina while everyone else mourns her. It wasn't something she should have felt guilty about, but she did. Another Bella created this alternate universe, but I won't.

That Bella didn't know better at the time, but now she did, and now she knew that this was an alternate reality she couldn't possibly live in.

Swan smiled but it didn't reach her eyes. "You couldn't have known." Silence engulfed them, and Bella found herself wishing more than anything to go home. Damn Esme. Damn Jasper. I need to see Irina.

Kate looked at her, gold eyes hollow and her face devoid of emotion. "Irina...is she happy? Does she smile?"

Bella thinks of the laughs they shared. Of the gentle smiles and hugs and words they so frequently exchanged. She thinks of how Swan and Kate wouldn't get to presently experience Irina for themselves, and the thought brought tears to her eyes.

"Yeah. She smiles a lot and...I'd say she's happy."

Kate clenched her jaw before giving a stiff nod. "Good. I'm glad."

There was a tense silence before Swan spoke up. "I know the Cullens hurt you...but them leaving was for the best." She stepped closer. "I know this won't make the pain go away, that will take time. But I hope, if you let me, I can at least show you." Bella watched her closely but didn't move away when she placed her warm hands on her face. "Normally your shield would block out any visions. But I'm a part of you. Your mental shield won't stop me."

Swan closed her eyes and the world around them dissolved.

It was a wedding. One that was rustic and woodsy but classy all the same. String lights were above the wooden pews and the scene looked like something from a fairytale.

Rosalie and Alice were helping Bella with her hair and dress. It was something that Bella should have been grateful for, but truly she wished Rosalie was anywhere but here.

She was wearing a simple gold dress and she still looked so heartbreakingly beautiful that it took her breath away. It was selfish on her part and she knew that. But she also couldn't imagine not being friends with Rosalie-

"You're staring." Bella blinked, ignoring Alice's worried look and tearing her gaze away from Rosalie's small smirk. "I suppose I should be flattered. You're about to marry my brother but I still dazzle you."

Bella's face burned red and Alice laughed. "You dazzle everyone that doesn't have a mate, Rose."

Rosalie gave a haughty laugh. "Mate or no mate, I dazzle regardless." Alice rolled her eyes fondly and hip bumped her out of the way.

"Ignore her, Bella. She's the worst." Alice tucked the stray strands of hair away before smiling happily at her in the mirror. "Finished!"

Rosalie looked her over. "You look beautiful. I'm almost jealous."

Bella snorted at that. "You look like a literal goddess."

"I know. But that dress and your hair...I have to have another wedding soon." Rosalie hummed, using her thumb to wipe away a small smear of lip gloss from Bella's bottom lip. "There. Perfect."

'This isn't helpful. This is terrible.' Her heart thundered in her chest and she ducked her head sheepishly.

Alice wrinkled her nose. "Should I leave you two alone?" Bella looked at her in alarm and Rosalie smirked.

"Wouldn't that drive Edward wild. First that mongrel and then me. He wouldn't know what to do with himself."

"Jake." Bella corrected, ignoring the sadness that crept into her heart. She didn't know where he was, but she knew that he wouldn't be attending her wedding.

Sensing her sadness Rosalie swiftly changed the subject. "You'll finally get to meet our cousins. The Denali sisters are going to come up here to meet you personally, if you don't mind." She paused before scoffing. "Kate insists, but it's because she's an impatient and insufferable maniac."

Alice lightly slapped her shoulder. "Oh, stop that," Rosalie growled softly under her breath.

"She's annoying me on purpose."

"Because you're letting her."

Bella felt a spike of nervousness. She knew very little about the Denali's. She only knew that there were five of them and that they lived in Alaska.

'What if they don't like me? What if they don't think I'm good enough?'

A gentle knock on the door made her go rigid and Alice put a hand on her shoulder. "Don't worry, it'll be fine...I think." She then scowled. "If you hadn't invited the wolves, maybe I would be able to assure you properly."

Bella let out a shaky laugh at that. "Be nice."

"Leah stuck her tongue out at me and mentioned to Paul that I had an undead ass. I will not be nice!" She huffed. "What even is an undead ass? Did I miss the context? Why is she even looking at it if it bothers her so much?" She sounded so petulant that Bella couldn't help but slap a hand over her mouth to suppress her giggles. "It's not funny!"

Rosalie went to the door and shot Bella an amused look before turning to her sister. "Would it make you feel better if Bella complimented you?"

Alice perked up at that. "Why, yes! Yes it would!" She looked at the human expectantly and Bella sighed as heat burned her cheeks.

"You have a very beautiful smile, Alice." Bella's eyes widened when Alice scowled at her.

"Oh, so my ass isn't worth mentioning?" She then got in Bella's face. "Has Leah said something to you about it? Do you two talk about it when I'm not around?" They both stared at each other blankly for a moment before they erupted into a fit of giggles.

The stress seeped from her body along with her laughter. Alice always knew how to get her out of her own head.

"Ah, so this is...Bella." Bella straightened at that voice. She knew it well, she had heard it since she was a child. She turned to see a girl with strawberry blonde hair that was wrapped into a loose bun. A few locks framed her face, and much like Rosalie, the girl was extremely beautiful.

She wore a black dress that was skin-tight, framing her curves perfectly, and red high heels. Her gold eyes stared at Bella in shock, and recognition sparked in Bella's mind as she stared at her.

"Hello...have we met before?" Bella couldn't help but ask, trying and failing to tear her gaze away from the new vampire. 'She's so beautiful.'

The blonde smiled at that, ridding the shock from her face and replacing it with a sultry look instead. "I think you'd remember me if we met. I do leave quite the impression." A flush crept up Bella's neck when she heard Alice snicker. "Tanya Denali." She crossed the room and extended her hand. "You're very lovely, Bella, much too lovely for Edward."

Bella wondered if this is what it felt like to be lit on fire. "Oh! Um...erm," Bella took her hand in hers, realizing she had said no actual words. "I uh...you're very lovely too."

Tanya smiled radiantly at her before kissing the back of her hand. "You're too kind, Bella. I do hope you'll save me a dance."

Bella wished one of her stupid friends would cut in so she'd stop making a fool of herself. "I can't...I'm really clumsy. I don't want to step on your toes or anything or…" she sighed when Tanya giggled at her. "Right. Vampire."

"I am. A very charmed one." A cool thumb stroked her knuckles a couple of times before Tanya released her.

Bella's stomach churned and she felt her hands become clammy. Her attraction to Tanya was alarming. Uncomfortable. And it helped when Rosalie put a hand on her shoulder to steady her.

She didn't know if her friend knew about her attraction to women. After that display and the sound of her heart racing, she was sure it was no longer a secret, even though it had never been a well guarded one.

Rosalie rolled her eyes, her grip on Bella's shoulder tightening ever so slightly. Not enough to hurt, but enough to keep her grounded. "Give it a rest, Tanya. Bella won't sleep with you."

"I won't tell if she won't."

Alice laughed and shooed her away. "Okay, you have to go before you make Edward come up here."

Tanya smiled. "I'm only teasing, Alice." She shot Bella a wink before opening the door for two other vampires. "And these are my sisters, Irina and Kate."

Irina was just as beautiful with short silvery blonde hair and bright gold eyes. She looked at Bella as though she had seen a ghost.

"You look like…" Bella knew her voice too, and her anxiety heightened at the sound of it. Irina and Tanya had been a comfort to her when she was younger, and even now. But she must have been hearing things.

'I'm sick. This isn't right.' But then why did the sisters look just as startled by her?

Then there was…Bella couldn't breathe when she saw the last sister.

She was beautiful. Jaw-dropping. She wore a beautiful black and red dress with gold accents outlining the sleeves. Her hair was platinum blonde and went past her shoulders. She was gorgeous. When gold eyes looked at her was when Bella's mouth fell open.

'My warrior.' The only difference was that her eyes were no longer cyan. That small difference didn't matter, not when gold suited her just as well.

How many times has she dreamed of her? Heard her voice and felt her own heart skip a beat? Her warrior sat in front of her, gold eyes staring at her in shock. Bella couldn't tear her eyes off of her dream girl.

'No. She can't be real.'

But there she stood, looking so heartbreakingly beautiful and so in awe at the sight of Bella that she couldn't help but blush. Her heart hammered in her chest and she nearly stood up from her seat, wanting nothing more than to go to her warrior and–

'And what? You're about to get married.' She had had her doubts about marrying Edward, but now she had never been more certain that this entire wedding was a mistake. 'I love him, but not like I've always loved her.'

She felt sick to her stomach. Her dream girl was here. Renee was here. Edward and everyone else was here.

She wanted to run away with her warrior. To cheer for her as she swung her sword and showed off with her smug smile. To hold her during nights she couldn't sleep. To be kissed as if she were the only woman on earth worth loving.

All Bella wanted to do was to make those dreams a reality.

In some ways, this revelation was a relief. No more pining over Rosalie while feeling guilty for not loving Edward as much as she should. But this revelation was also a nightmare.

All her life she'd been told that her warrior was fake. She couldn't be real. And Bella couldn't be gay. Renee was here. Renee was finally proud of her.

'It's a coincidence. She can't be my warrior. My warrior isn't real.'

She feared saying her name or even thinking it. Putting the name to the person she had dreamed about all her life would only make everything more real.

Yet, the very thought of someone so perfect being just a part of her imagination made her feel even worse.

Rosalie sighed. "I know what this looks like, but she's not-"

"Bela." Her warrior breathed, and Bella felt tears prick her eyes.

"Katrina?" She stood to her feet without realizing it, walking slowly to her and reaching out her hand. "You're...you're a vampire."

Katrina caught her wrist, putting Bella's hand on her cheek and holding it there. "And you're a human." She leaned into her touch. "Still as beautiful as when I first saw you." Her smile was warm and loving and tears burned gold eyes. "And your eyes…"

Alice frowned, looking at everyone in confusion. "What is happening? Who's Bela?"

Tanya hadn't torn her gaze off of Bella. "Our sister, and Kate's mate. But this...this can't be possible."

Bella flinched away from Katrina, stomach churning and tears streaming down her cheeks. "This isn't real. This can't be...you can't be...this is all wrong."

"Bela-" Katrina reached out to her and she squeezed her eyes shut and backed away.

"No! No! This isn't real! You're not real!" It couldn't be real. She was sick. She was making things up in her mind.

Rosalie was at her side in an instant. "Bella, what do you need?" Alice moved so she was on her other side, slipping a hand into hers, but it did little to calm her.

"I'm seeing things. It's all wrong. This isn't real. None of this is real! It's all fake!" She babbled, unable to look at the Denali sisters. Her body was shaking and she could hardly see past her own tears. "I'm dreaming. That's what this is, a dream."

Years of psychiatry and treatments had failed her. In her panic of marrying Edward, she had conjured up her warrior, her Katrina, as a way to escape a wedding she had never wanted in the first place. That's what her doctors would say.

Renee was here. Esme was here. She couldn't call off the wedding. That wasn't an option.

'Real or not, Katrina isn't an option.'

And yet, real or not, there was no one she would rather be with.

"Bela, this isn't a dream. I'm here...you're here." Katrina's voice cracked, but this time she didn't try to come closer. "I've missed you so much. I was scared I'd never see you again."

Bella looked at her. "Stop, please this isn't...agh!" Something pierced her skull. The pain was so intense she ripped her hand from Alice's and clutched her head.

The voices were distorted. Overwhelming. She couldn't tell reality from fantasy as the rancorous tones mixed together. She saw images. Different vampires and humans and shifters flashed before her eyes.

The world around her began to crumble and the pain in her skull intensified.

"Bela!"

"Stop!" Bella yelled, ripping away from the human and clutching her head. "Just stop!" Kate moved to comfort her but Bella moved away. She was still overwhelmed, and the last thing she needed was to be crowded.

Swan stared at her for a moment before speaking. "Now you see, it was essential for the Cullens to leave." She grimaced. "It doesn't make their actions right...but I hope that this has given you a new perspective."

The vampire nearly hissed at that. "So, what? You showed me that so I'd forgive and forget?"

The human glared at her. "I showed you that so you could move on." She sighed, anger subsiding as she looked away from her. "Be angry. Do what helps you cope but...don't torture yourself over what could have been. None of them are worth agonizing over."

This made Bella pause. If the Cullens had stayed…

"You wouldn't have been able to accept Kate as our mate...not without a long and bitter fight, at least," Swan murmured. "The Cullens leaving allowed you to get closer to the shifters. The wolves helped you get stronger. You were able to become more comfortable with your sexuality."

Kate looked in between them curiously. "What exactly did you show her?"

"Later," Swan assured her before turning back to Bella. "Just...think about what you saw."

And she did. If the Cullens had stayed it would have only made everything worse. Her physical attraction to Rosalie and the shame that came with it, the continuation of suppression caused her to delude herself.

The hurt in Kate's eyes. The desperation. The way the voices distorted and threatened to tear her mind apart.

"That universe…" Bella murmured. "Is it one that exists?"

When she looked at the human, truly looked at her, she noticed how exhausted she was. Dark circles made an appearance beneath now dull brown eyes. Her shoulders sagged slightly and her face looked a little more haggard.

Swan spared her a glance, looking as though she could fall asleep at any moment. "I told you, there are infinite possibilities and pathways. What you saw is one that currently exists...but there are different endings."

"Happy ones?"

Swan smiled at that. "Yes."

Bella nodded slowly, forcing the disturbing alternate universe from her mind. "With all that I've seen...I feel a little ridiculous for agonizing over my problems." I still have Irina. And maybe my memory loss was for the better.

She didn't have to agonize over her love for Kate. Or worry about Renee and Esme's approval. She didn't have all of her memories, she didn't remember experiencing all the pain she had felt when she was human. Only bits and pieces.

"You shouldn't mitigate your pain, Bella," Kate, to her surprise, spoke up. "The Cullens leaving you...well, you have every right to feel the way you do." The warrior looked far away for a moment, haunted by a memory. "Say what needs to be said. Do what needs to be done in order to get it all off your chest. But then you have to heal. And that's up to you."

Irina.

She felt her eyes water. "Have you healed?"

Kate looked at her, face devoid of emotion. "When something's broken and you have to put it back together, it's never quite the same. The pieces don't fit together properly because they're chipped and fractured." She then smiled, it was soft and small. "I remember when Irina broke our front door, and the two of you tried to fix it." Bella couldn't help but smile at the memory. "It wasn't the same, it never was. There were pieces of wood missing and nails sticking out of the door...to be frank, it was an awful patch-up job."

"You little shit!" A surprised laugh escaped Bella. "It looked great, our mother loved it!"

Kate's smile unfurled, and it reached her eyes. "She did. She adored it. She was always kind like that." Bella rolled her eyes playfully and Kate continued. "You and Irina took something that was broken and you fixed it. It wasn't the same door after that. You took those broken pieces and you made something new. Something that was beautiful in its own right. Something that was beautiful because you two did what you could with what you had."

Kate braced her shoulders. "I was broken and mended. I've healed as best as one can in my circumstance. I'm not the same after I was shattered." She released her, looking away and tensing slightly. "It wasn't easy leading our coven after that, but I had to." She gave Bella a stern look. "You have to want to heal, Bella. Seek the comfort you need, but know that none of that will matter if you're not making a conscious effort to move on. You have to keep moving forward."

She looked away from the intense gold eyes. "I understand." It was odd to hear that Kate was the leader of their coven. And she couldn't help but ask about it. "In my dimension, Tanya leads our coven...why is it not the same here?"

Kate seemed a little surprised by that before she nodded slowly. "That makes sense, actually." A soft sigh escaped her and she shrugged. "After Irina's death, Tanya didn't feel fit to lead, so I stepped in." She didn't speak more about it. Her response was curt, her voice held slight aggravation, and Bella knew better than to ask more about it.

"Thank you," she glanced at Swan. "Thank you both for helping me. I'll...I'll think about what you said." She told Kate. "It's good advice."

A part of her didn't want to heal. Bella viewed it as her, once again, being the bigger person. She knew it was childish, selfish even, but she wanted to be hurt and angry and blame everyone for her problems. She felt resentful and bitter and she wanted to let the Cullens have it. She wanted to make them hurt just as she did.

Swan chuckled. "You'll find little solace in that."

Bella scowled at her. "I didn't realize you were a mind reader."

"We're the same person."

"Not entirely," Bella argued, annoyed by Swan's snark. "Different upbringings. Different experiences."

Swan stared at her for a moment before giving a tired shake of her head. "Healing doesn't mean you have to forgive them, you know. It just means you have to let go." The world around her began to glow. "For what it's worth, I'm glad the price isn't one you're willing to pay."

Bella bared her teeth at that. Not out of anger but out of determination. "I'd rather die than let anything happen to Irina." A sharp pain stabbed her head and she hissed.

Kate watched the vampire as her hand clutched her now pounding head. "You're about to leave...give Irina a hug and kiss for me, would you?" She gave her a small smile. "Remind her how proud we all are of her, and remind her how much we love her."

Before her world was engulfed in white Bella reached out and took Kate's hand.

"I'll never let her forget."

---

Tatyana leaned against her dresser, adjusting the sleeves of her dress for the seventh time before her gaze found Irina's.

Her sister looked at her sheepishly. "I'm boring you." Eight.

English was a crude language, one she found she didn't enjoy, but one she had a year and a half to practice. It had been a long time since Bela had returned to them. Katrina would throw her tantrums, or she'd fall to her knees and pray to God vehemently for her mate's swift return.

Tatyana missed Bela terribly. Obviously, or I wouldn't be speaking English or putting up with Garrett. Their language practice was the only reason she allowed that man anywhere near them. He insisted they spoke it as frequently as they could.

Now here we are, practicing for whenever Bela is able to come home. It would be a good surprise, but she just wished Bela would arrive sooner rather than later. A piece of their family was missing and it was extremely noticeable.

"Oh, I am boring you, aren't I?" Irina sounded sheepish.

Tatyana smoothed down her sleeve and sat next to the newborn on the bed. "You're not." She assured her. She was trying to be a better sister, just as their mother asked of her. "I just find little excitement in the idea of finding a mate." Nine.

Irina's eyes widened and she looked at her in disbelief. "What? Why not?" She sat up a little straighter and took Tatyana's hands in hers. "Don't you want what Katrina and Bela have?" Her smile was wide and eager. "They're so happy together. I want to be that happy with someone!"

Part of her wanted to mock Irina's gushing about something as ridiculous as finding a mate. Katrina was lucky that her mate found her as a human, especially so early in life. That was far from common, and the chances of Irina finding a mate anytime soon were slim, just as it was for herself and their mother.

Instead, she asked, "What can a mate give you that a lover can't?"

Irina frowned at her. "You don't care to find yours?"

"I don't like the idea of being tied to one person for the rest of eternity." Dark thoughts of her human life resurfaced and she forced them away. "I will never let a man or a woman dictate my life." Not again.

This made her sister remain quiet for a moment before she gave her hands a gentle squeeze. "Well, Bela and Katrina don't dictate each other's lives-"

Anger surged through her and she ripped her hands out of Irina's. "Bela is all Katrina has ever known!" She snarled. "What kind of life is that? She didn't even have a choice, and now she's stuck with her forever!" Irina stared at her with wide eyes and that's when Tatyana heard the front door slam shut.

In the blink of an eye, Katrina was standing in her bedroom doorway. Her face was emotionless, and yet anger simmered beneath bright red eyes.

Her sister opened her mouth, no doubt to shout at her, but Irina surprised them both by speaking up. "You don't have to show your teeth, Katrina. Not this time." She spoke softly, and her eyes were filled with understanding as she looked in between her older sisters.

Katrina clenched her jaw and closed her eyes. "One. Two. Three. Four. Five." She released a breath before counting to five again. Counting to five?

Tatyana, still feeling bad about her misplaced anger, took a moment to apologize to Katrina. "I'm sorry, I wasn't trying to insult Bela." I wasn't even thinking of her when I got angry.

She was genuinely happy that Bela and Katrina had one another. They could be obnoxious and repulsive, but the happiness they brought one another was admittedly beautiful. Tatyana had gotten caught up in her human years and had lashed out at the wrong person. Bela didn't deserve her ire, she was a good sister and a good mate, and Tatyana was embarrassed for having had lost her temper so quickly.

Her younger sister's eyes snapped open and she bared her teeth. "Bela always gave me a choice! She's all I'll ever want to know, you stupid-"

"Katrina!" Irina growled, making the warrior grit her teeth. "Less teeth. More counting."

The warrior scowled but closed her eyes. "One. Two. Three. Four. Five."

Tatyana gave Irina a look of surprise. "My mother taught me and my brother that when we were little," Irina murmured, watching as Katrina repeated the count again. "There were four of us. Myself, her, my brother, and my father. Whenever we'd get angry or whenever we'd get scared, she'd tell us to count to four." Her small smile faltered, now mixed with nostalgia and sadness.

Tatyana nodded slowly, reaching out and gently taking her hands in hers once again. "You miss them."

"I miss my brother." Irina corrected, eyes watery and brow furrowed. "Erik was a sweet boy...too kind for his own good." When Katrina was calm she came and sat at Irina's side. She pressed her arm against Irina's and provided quiet comfort as she continued. "One day some men came into our village. Warriors from the Medvede." A quiet growl escaped Katrina's lips but she said nothing about the tribe she once warred with. "One of the warriors started to..." she swallowed thickly. "He tried to have his way with me."

"That bastard!" Katrina growled, curling her hands into fists. "Does he still live? I'll gut him! I'll rip out his entrails and-"

"Katrina," Tatyana murmured, making the warrior look at her with a glare.

"What! Don't you want him dead?" She snarled, and Tatyana had to force herself not to snap back at her. Katrina was a warrior, it only made sense that her immediate response would be to exact justice for the sake of their sister.

She normally would have agreed, but judging on how Irina curled in on herself, Tatyana knew that this was the response that their sister needed to hear. What would our mother say?

"I'm glad you want to protect our sister and kill all those who have wronged her." She spoke to her gently but still kept a firmness in her voice that would make Katrina listen. "But right now Irina wants to be heard, and we will listen."

The warrior's shoulders slumped and the anger disappeared from her black eyes. "I'm sorry. You're right." She reached out, giving Irina's shoulder a gentle squeeze. "I won't show my teeth. Not yet. Please, continue." Tatyana was pleasantly surprised that Katrina didn't argue with her. She felt proud of her sister's control, and of her own.

Her mother would be pleased with how she handled things. Like a true coven leader.

Irina gave her a grateful smile and placed a hand atop Katrina's before continuing. "Erik was my big brother, my protector." Her voice grew shaky. "And that day he was my shield." A small sob escaped her, and she removed her hand from Tatyana's to cover her mouth. "I'm sorry." She choked out. "It happened years ago but..."

Tatyana and Katrina shared a look before they gently embraced Irina. "Time rarely matters in the face of loss. There is no shame in grieving, no matter how much time has passed," Katrina murmured, and Tatyana was glad the warrior could understand Irina when she herself couldn't.

Tatyana didn't understand death the way that Katrina did. She had grown up around it, whereas Tatyana had been sheltered behind strong walls and strong men. She was a Lady, and it was unbefitting of a Lady to fight or concern themselves with warfare.

Katrina's father had only died about a year ago. Irina's brother had died a couple years ago. And Sasha's son had died before any of them had been born. Katrina still grieves for her father just as Irina still grieves for her brother. And our mother...she still grieves for her lost son.

Their mother tried to hide the pain she carried with her, but Tatyana had been with her the longest. It would be in quiet moments that Tatyana would notice the way Sasha's shoulders would slightly sag. Or the way that Sasha's smile wouldn't reach her eyes. Or the way that Sasha's eyes would be wet. Or the way that Sasha would hesitate when killing young men, especially men with blonde hair.

Vasili died so long ago...yet our mother still grieves. It made Tatyana wonder if it was truly possible to overcome the grief that came with loss. And then it made her relieved that it was not something she had experienced for herself.

Irina collected herself, but none of the sisters released each other. "No one else in our village defended me, not even my father. They were all too frightened. But not my brother." She breathed. "The warrior took his warhammer and crushed Erik's ribs." She choked back a sob and rubbed at her eyes. "The warrior left us alone after that. My wailing frustrated him and he decided I wasn't worth it."

"Irina." Tatyana held her closer, burying her face in her hair and fighting back her own tears.

"Erik died slowly and in agony and...there was nothing anyone could do. There was nothing I could do." Irina swallowed thickly. "I had never felt so helpless and..." a sigh escaped her. "Bela reminds me a lot of Erik. So gentle and sweet and loving and protective." She was rambling now, but neither of her sisters stopped her. "My parents were cowards. They did nothing as he lay dying!"

Tatyana grimaced. "If they had...perhaps they would have died as well."

Her sister scoffed at that. "Perhaps they would have." Her eyes darkened. "I tried to stop the bleeding...it was everywhere. They just stood there and let it happen!" The hatred in her voice was palpable, and Tatyana frowned.

"They should have defended you." She agreed, kissing her forehead. "But...did you ever think of what would happen if they interfered after Erik's death? You could have lost your entire family that day."

"I don't care!" Irina snapped, tightening her grip on Tatyana and curling into her. "They should have done something! My father should have struck that monster down for killing Erik. But they just sat there and did nothing." She squeezed her eyes shut. "Why do you think I wanted to be turned? So I could be strong. So no one would ever have to die in my place." She muttered darkly, "My parents will die old and without their children to care for them. Just as they should."

Katrina sighed and gave Tatyana a look before speaking. "You're speaking out of anger now, and you have every reason to be upset." She hesitated, clearing her throat before continuing. "But the death of a parent is not one to be taken lightly."

Irina's anger melted away and she gave Katrina a sorrowful look. "I'm sorry...that was...cruel of me."

The warrior offered a reassuring smile. "You were saying how you felt, and your cruelty wasn't directed towards me." She gave her a nod. "Finish. We will listen."

Their younger sister let out a shaky breath before nodding. "After he died I had to start counting to three...three. It was agony but I could never bring myself to count to four..." she trailed off again, clearing her throat and releasing her tight grip on Tatyana and Katrina. "But, there's five of us. Five is such a better number than three or four."

Tatyana nodded, slowly releasing her and pressing a kiss to her hair. "It is." They sat in silence for a while. Katrina hadn't removed her arms from around Irina, and Tatyana desperately searched for the words to comfort her youngest sister. "I'm sorry that happened, Irina." What would our mother say? "Before you, there were only four of us and...yes, five is the perfect number. Our family is everything I didn't know I needed, and I'm so proud to call you my sister."

Irina looked at her with wide eyes before she began sobbing once again.

Katrina jumped in surprise before holding onto her tighter and giving Tatyana a look of disbelief. "You made her even sadder, you fuck ass!"

Tatyana felt panicked and she reached out and took Irina's face in her hands. "I didn't mean to, you damn shit!" She snapped back at Katrina before looking worriedly at their youngest sister. "Irina, are you-"

Laughter mixed with her sobs and Irina gave Tatyana a watery smile. "Bitch dick." She said weakly, making Tatyana crack a smile and Katrina laugh loudly. "Thank you...both of you, for letting me speak about Erik." Her bottom lip quivered. "And thank you for loving me."

Katrina kissed her cheek while Tatyana kissed her forehead. "Thank you for loving us." She murmured. "You make all of us really happy..." she gave the warrior a teasing smile. "And you taught Katrina how to count." Katrina smiled and rolled her eyes but offered no banter.

Instead, she rested her chin on Irina's shoulder. "Your brother is with my father right now...Tomas is a good man. He'll take good care of Erik."

Irina gave her sister a small smile. "You sing his praises so often I have no choice but to believe you. I'm glad Erik has him."

"I'm glad he does too."

Katrina abruptly released Irina, jumping to her feet with a wide smile as she looked at the doorway. Tatyana could only laugh as Bela appeared and was promptly tackled to the floor by her mate. Katrina straddled her, speaking to her grinning mate excitedly as electricity danced along her skin.

"You're home!"

"I am." Bela's eyes softened and she cupped Katrina's cheeks in her hands. "I missed you." Then her eyes widened in shock. "You're...wait, you're speaking English?"

"Of course!" The warrior boasted, giving her mate a rough kiss before helping her to her feet. "We met someone to help us learn your beautiful language, Bela." She straightened proudly. "You learned Slovak for me, the least I could do was learn English for you." The brunette smiled so warmly at her that Tatyana felt as though she had to look away.

"I love you."

Katrina beamed at her. "I love you too, my sweet demon." She kissed her briefly, body humming with electricity as she bounced slightly on her toes; unsure of how to handle her energy. "I tried animal blood the other day," she wrinkled her nose in disgust. "You didn't tell me it would taste so awful."

Bela smiled and kissed her nose. "You've tried some before, remember? And I already told you it wasn't as sweet."

Katrina furrowed her brow. "But you didn't say it was bad."

Tatyana pushed her sister aside before Bela could retort. "Stop hogging her, Katrina. I've missed her too." Her younger sister stuck her tongue out at her while Bela laughed and embraced her.

"It's nice to see you, Tatyana." Bela gave her a good squeeze before pulling away. "I hope Katrina's behaving for you." They ignored the warrior's outraged cry and Irina let out a soft giggle.

"Katrina? Behaving?" Tatyana snorted. "She's as rowdy as ever."

Bela was about to say something when Irina shuffled closer to her. Gold eyes softened as she looked their younger sister over, and without a word, she drew Irina into her arms. Irina curled into her, clutching onto the back of Bela's tunic as though it were her lifeline.

Bela sighed and rubbed her back, resting her chin atop her head and asking, "Erik?"

She knew? It made Tatyana wonder what else Bela and Irina talked about when they went on their runs.

The younger vampire nodded. "Yes." Her voice was soft and shaky and Bela squeezed her eyes shut and held onto her even tighter.

Bela seemed to cling to Irina, eyes wet and her grip was borderline possessive. It was as though she feared letting her go.

Tatyana wasn't the only one who noticed. "Bela?" Irina murmured. "Are you alright?" She didn't release the brunette, but instead nuzzled into her neck, trying to soothe the cagey vampire.

Bela let out a shuttered breath and kissed her forehead. "I'm just...I'm so happy you're here." She was choked up, emotional, and Irina held onto her sister even tighter.

"Well, I'm happy you're here too." She offered, making the two of them laugh quietly. They refused to let go of each other, and they both looked on the verge of tears as they took comfort in their shared embrace.

Katrina bristled for a moment but relaxed when Tatyana put a hand on her shoulder. She gave her younger sister a look and the warrior at least had the decency to look embarrassed by her unwarranted jealousy. Bela had only ever shown interest in Katrina.

"If I couldn't seduce Bela, there's no way that Irina will." Tatyana scoffed, laughing when an offended gasp left her sister's lips.

"Hey!"

Katrina looked at the eldest. "You're not that pretty, Tatyana."

Bela frowned at the two sisters but her eyes shined with mirth. "Be nice." She then pulled away from Irina and smiled reassuringly at her. "Don't listen to her. If I wasn't with Katrina, you'd be able to seduce me easily."

The youngest sister beamed up at her. "You think so?"

"I know so. You're very lovely, Irina." Bela didn't sound flirty in the slightest. Instead, she sounded reassuring.

These two are ridiculous.

Tatyana often wondered why Bela babied Irina so much. She had asked on more than one occasion and Bela had always given her the same answer. Something about Irina being a newborn and needing a lot of attention.

But their bond seemed deeper than that. From the first moment Irina and Bela met there seemed to be a connection.

The same when she first met me.

It was odd. When Bela saw her she had looked like she'd seen a ghost. And from that point on their friendship had bloomed easily. Bela always knew what to say. She bonded effortlessly with all of them in a way that was beyond impressive.

Katrina scowled at them. "What the hell?"

Tatyana shook her head. "She's just trying to make her feel better, Katrina." She then raised a brow at Bela. "Katrina is your mate, so clearly you need someone that's on the more aggressive side." She winked at her. "I can be very-" she hissed when Katrina shocked her and jumped away. "Ugh! You brat! I was just teasing!"

The warrior bared her teeth at her. "You're disgusting! She's your sister!"

"...not by blood-" she squeaked when Katrina tackled her, laughing and snarling playfully as they roughhoused.

Bela and Irina were laughing loudly at them, no longer hugging but holding hands, almost as if they couldn't stand to separate. Tatyana wondered what had rattled Bela in such a way to cling to Irina. She thought about asking until Katrina slammed her into the wall.

A loud crack was heard and they both fell through it and landed on the ground outside. Pieces of wood fell around them and into the snow, and Bela and Irina stuck their heads out of the hole to look down at the two of them.

Irina's eyes were wide and her mouth fell open. Bela wore a similar surprised expression but it was laced with amusement.

Tatyana blinked, shoving her stunned sister off of her and scowling. "Mother is going to kill you!" But she couldn't stop herself from smiling as the warrior rolled to her feet.

"You started it by provoking me! Mother said you're not supposed to do that anymore!" Katrina huffed, crossing her arms over her chest and inspecting the damage. "I'll fix it...but you're definitely to blame!"

Tatyana snorted at that. "I can't help that you can't keep your emotions in check." She then shook her head. "I'm going to go find her. She's been gone for far too long anyways."

Red eyes widened. "Don't tell her! I can have this fixed by then!"

Irina smiled brightly at her. "Bela and I can help! We fixed the door!" She boasted. Bela nodded proudly and Katrina winced before looking at Tatyana for help.

The eldest laughed. "That's a great idea, Irina. You ladies get to work, I'll bring our mother home."

Tatyana left the house in search of their mother and was thankful that she didn't have to go far. She was just out of earshot of their home, but when Tatyana approached her she was struck by how perturbed she seemed.

Sasha was sitting beneath a pine tree, and the lingering scent of blood permeated her mouth. Discontent burned in red eyes but a small smile graced her lips when she saw Tatyana. Her eyes softened and she stretched out a hand to her daughter.

"My sweet baby, I'm glad you're here." She sounded genuine. Warm and inviting.

Tatyana went to her and interlaced their fingers. "Mother, where have you been?"

Sasha merely smiled at her before she asked, "How are your sisters?"

Tatyana frowned but allowed her previous question to go unanswered. "Bela is back."

Sasha perked up at that. "Good. It's been far too long. I've missed her." She smiled before searching Tatyana's eyes. "There's something that troubles you."

She shifted uncomfortably and gave a small shrug. "Irina told us about the death of her brother...it was sad to hear."

"And you comforted her?" Tatyana relayed what happened, from her being able to calm Katrina to Katrina and her comforting Irina. Sasha's smile broadened and she rose to her feet. "You're doing well. I'm so proud of you." She put her hands on Tatyana's cheeks and kissed both of them.

She beamed at the praise. "I thought about what you would say, and then I said it."

Sasha nodded. "You're the eldest. Regardless of where I am, your sisters are your responsibility."

Tatyana sighed and moved her hands from her face. "But you're our mother."

"I am. But should anything happen to me-"

"Why do you keep saying that!" Tatyana hissed, glowering at her maker and baring her teeth. "Nothing will happen to you," she thought of the pain that came with loss, the pain she had yet to truly experience for herself. "Nothing! I won't let it!"

"Tatyana," Sasha said sharply. "Who am I to you?"

She gritted her teeth. "My mother."

"Who am I to your sisters?"

"Their mother."

"Precisely." She put her hands behind her back and wore a stern facial expression. "What kind of mother would I be if I didn't plan for these types of situations?" She questioned. "Death is out of our control." Her voice softened. "Erik. Tomas. Vasili. They died quickly and without warning. The same could happen to any of us, do you understand?"

She clenched her jaw before she conceded. "I understand...I just don't want to think about that...I don't want to think about any of us dying."

"Avoiding such a possibility will only leave us heartbroken and unprepared." Sasha sighed before placing a firm hand on Tatyana's shoulder. "So, should anything happen to me, you will lead your sisters. You have to be strong for them, do you understand me? They need you now, and they'll need you, even more, should I pass away."

Sasha took her hands in hers. "Katrina is our sword, Bela is our shield, and Irina is our light." She gave her a small smile. "But you? You are our rock."

Tatyana's eyes widened. Unease sank into her skin and made her stomach churn. "But...what if I can't be strong for them?" What if I can't be strong for myself?

"You're the eldest. You have to be." She spoke with such finality that it made her flinch.

"If something were to happen to you I-" she stopped herself, blinking away the venom and clenching her jaw. "How can I be strong without you? Why do you keep saying such things?" She narrowed her eyes, trying to overcome her panic by smothering it in anger. "What are you planning?"

Her mother spoke as though she hadn't heard her. "I loved you first. We've spent decades together before we met your sisters." Sasha's eyes watered. "You filled a hole I thought could never be filled. You're strong and loving and dependable-"

"But I'm not Vasili." Sasha froze and Tatyana pulled away from her once again. "Your words flatter me, mother, but you said it yourself, we've been together for decades longer than your other daughters. I know you still miss him."

"I never kept that a secret," Sasha growled, and Tatyana gave her a reproachful look.

"But you've kept your search for a son a secret." It was a guess, a calculated one. Her mother's eyes widened and Tatyana felt a sick satisfaction at seeing the guilt that lingered in red eyes. "I don't want some man strutting about our home as though he owns the place. I don't want a man in this coven, ever." She snarled. "You see how they all look at us. We could never be just sisters to them-"

"I would never bring a man-"

"A teenage boy won't be any different." Tatyana snapped, eyes welling with tears. "What is wrong with you? You have four daughters but you agonize over replacing Vasili?"

"Tatyana-"

"No! I want you to tell me the truth, damn you!" Her eyes had turned black and she could hardly remember the last time she had been this angry. "I was so hurt when you added Bela and Katrina to our coven. I took it personally and I know I shouldn't have, but it made me feel like I wasn't enough for you."

Sasha looked at her in horror. "No, that's not-"

"Then we added Irina, and I thought that was only for Bela's benefit, but I know you." She growled. "You wouldn't turn someone so thoughtlessly. You wanted another daughter. You love Bela, but she doesn't look like your other daughters, so when she wanted to turn Irina you were thrilled that you could get your third and final lookalike." She was growling now and her hands balled into fists. "But even with the four of us...we're still not enough."

"You are enough. Tatyana, please..." she stepped out of reach from her mother's hand.

"We love you. We practically worship the ground you walk on." Her voice cracked and she snarled angrily in response. "So why aren't we enough, mother?"

Sasha didn't scream at her or strike her or brush her aside. She didn't scold her or run off angrily at having been questioned.

Instead, her face contorted into one that Tatyana had only seen on Katrina, Irina, and now their mother. Grief. "I don't know...but I wish you all were. You have to believe me." She placed her hand over her heart and clutched the fabric that laid there. "My heart no longer beats. But it aches. It aches for Vasili and all he could have been."

Her anger faltered at the sight of her mother's pain. But her own pain she felt from Sasha's confession lingered. "Why?" She asked, unable to keep the anger out of her voice. "He was only a baby-"

"He was mine, Tatyana!" She roared, chest heaving and eyes burning black. "I birthed him. I held him to my breast and fed him. I saw his smiles and heard his cries and I loved him, you insolent girl!"

Tatyana's emotions were jumbled, but that didn't stop her from lashing out again. "Bela's yours! Katrina's yours! Irina's yours! I'm yours!" She hated the termor in her voice. "You found me as a child, you raised me! I was always yours, and you were always mine!" Sasha softened but Tatyana couldn't bring herself to look at her. "You've always been my mother, and I've always loved you more than anyone."

"Tatyana..."

She stifled an angry sob and turned away from her. "You were always enough for me. You filled a hole that my wretched birth mother could not. Why can't I do the same for you? Why can't any of us do the same for you?"

I wasn't enough for my birth mother. I wasn't enough for my husband. I was supposed to be enough for you.

Tatyana didn't so much as blink when her mother embraced her from behind. She fought the urge to sink into her comforting arms, as she had so often done in the past. She only wanted Sasha to open her eyes and stop spouting such nonsense. She only wanted to be enough.

Sasha laid her cheek on her shoulder and let out a shaky breath. "How I feel is out of your control. It has nothing to do with you and your sisters. You are all perfect and I love you more than anything-"

"But not enough to stop this useless search for a son."

A sigh escaped her and she held her tighter. There was only silence for a moment. Tatyana was stewing in her anger and trying to get out of her head. But she couldn't. Sasha was my world, and I was only her replacement.

She thought back to when she first met her. Playing in the gardens and hiding away from the guards. The red eyes had frightened her, but the gentle smile and soft voice had pulled her in.

Sasha would sing to her. She would slip into her room and hold her close and croon gently into her ear until she fell asleep. She would call Tatyana her baby and encouraged her to call her mother. Sasha had been her escape from the cruelty of her birth mother. Sasha was everything to me. I thought I was everything to her.

"Oh, my sweet baby." Tatyana couldn't stop the venom from rising to the surface. It was too intense for her to blink her tears back. "Please, forgive me. Please." Sasha's voice wavered. "Don't doubt my love for you or your sisters. I love the four of you more than I could ever love anyone else." Tatyana allowed her mother to turn her in her arms, and gentle hands cupped her cheeks. "I wish I was everything you deserved."

Tatyana broke. A sob escaped her and she fell to her knees. "You want to be everything I deserve?" She swallowed thickly, fighting back another sob as Sasha got onto her knees next to her. "Stop this. Please, mother. Let me be enough for you."

"Tatyana," she breathed, gently resting her hand on the back of her neck and drawing her into her embrace. "None of this is your fault, you must know this." She croaked, holding Tatyana tightly and kissing her hair. "I would be so lost without you. I'm sorry I'm not a better mother, because if I were, you and your sisters would be all I ever needed." A ragged sigh escaped her. "You see something in me...something beautiful that I don't know if I could ever be." She pulled away and kissed her forehead. "But for you, I'll try. I swear it."

She clung to her mother tightly, squeezing her eyes shut and refusing to let go. Tatyana wasn't stupid. She knew her mother would try, but she would fail. She could only hope that her mother would give up on this delusional quest and come to her senses.

Part of her felt as though she were being selfish, but she didn't care. All she cared about was her sisters and her mother. All she cared about was being enough.

Tatyana pulled away from her embrace and released a shaky breath. "Thank you." She couldn't bring herself to say more. She would only fall apart again and her mother expected her to be strong.

I suppose I should start now.

Tatyana returned to the house alone. Sasha promised to be back soon, she said she had a lot to think about. Despite her mother's assurances she still felt on edge.

In Irina's room the hole had been hastily and poorly patched up. The new wood overlapped the old wood. It was a crudely done job with nails sticking out and splinters of wood protruding.

The vampires were resting on the floor. Bela was in Katrina's lap and Irina was in Bela's. They were chatting idly with one another and Tatyana froze when she saw them.

They should know. I should warn them. But Katrina was too reactionary, and Irina was sensitive. She didn't want to worry them. Her eyes fell on Bela. She'll take it better. She's around my age, probably older. She's more rational, and if I can get her to understand, then she can get Katrina to understand.

"Bela, come to the falls with me. We need to talk." She hadn't meant to make it sound like a demand, and she expected her sister to retaliate.

Katrina bared her teeth at her. "She doesn't have to-" she growled when Bela stood to her feet but didn't try to stop her.

Tatyana watched in surprise as Bela gave her an understanding nod. "Of course." There was no defiance to be found in her sister. She listened without question.

Bela gave Katrina a parting kiss to the forehead. "I'll be back. Take care of our sister." She smiled at Irina. "And make sure my mate stays out of trouble." Their youngest sister laughed and the warrior snorted but didn't argue.

The run to the falls was a short one. Tatyana didn't feel up to idle conversation, and thankfully Bela had picked up on that, so they ran in silence.

The falls consisted of three large waterfalls that spilled into a large river. Beneath the center was an icy cave, a place of reprieve, a place where Tatyana escaped to when she was overwhelmed. She fixated on the crunching of snow, trying to soothe her worries as they slipped behind the falls.

If I'm to ever lead, I should start practicing.

Tatyana straightened, tilting her chin upward slightly and looking Bela in the eyes.

If she's to respect me and be agreeable with our mother's decision, then I have to be confident. I have to be firm.

"I spoke to our mother." She said, resisting the urge to fiddle with her shirt sleeve, again.

Bela looked her over, seeing right through her facade, much to Tatyana's annoyance. "You're nervous. Are you alright?"

She felt her frustration build and she fought back a growl. "I'm not nervous. I don't get nervous."

The brunette nodded before sitting down on the damp ground. Tatyana frowned at her. They were vampires, they didn't need to sit, they didn't need to act human, but oftentimes Bela mimicked human mannerisms.

She breathed unnecessarily. She'd do things at a slower pace. She liked taking walks and had often griped about the lack of furniture in the house. Tatyana made a mental note to ask about that, but until then she sat across from Bela.

"I get nervous." Bela shrugged, resting her chin on the palm of her hand.

Tatyana scowled at that, unnerved by her sister's kindness. It would be easier if Bela was more combative. Her willing vulnerability made it difficult for Tatyana to be strong.

"I spoke to our mother," she repeated, "She said that I was next in line to lead." She waited for anger to cross gold eyes. Disbelief. Haughtiness. Annoyance. Something.

"You are the oldest." Bela agreed, and Tatyana felt like a fool. Bela wasn't like that. She had never been like that.

"But you're older than me...this doesn't upset you?"

She frowned at that. "Why would it?" There was a strange look in her eyes as if she knew something that Tatyana didn't.

"Good...I worried you'd be against me leading."

Bela shook her head. "No."

"I didn't want to bring it up to our sisters. I don't know how Katrina would take it," she confessed. "And Irina would start to worry and I just...I need your support."

Bela smiled at her. "And you have it. I trust you and your judgment."

That relieved her, but that wasn't her only concern. "Thank you." She was trying to keep it together, just as their mother instructed, but it was difficult to keep up the facade.

Her sister eyed her curiously. "There's something else that bothers you." Apparently I'll need to practice keeping my emotions in check.

Tatyana clenched her jaw before looking away from her sister. "It's about our mother. She's worrying me." Bela tensed and the blonde glanced at her. A look of panic was in her eyes and Tatyana stared at her. "What?"

Bela looked away from her. "Nothing." Her brow was furrowed and she tapped her thumb against her index finger rapidly.

Tatyana's eyes widened. "Do you know something?" She shook her head and that made her scoff. "You're a poor liar."

The brunette still couldn't meet her glare. "I just know that something is wrong with our mother...but I don't know what it is."

"There's something you're not telling me."

Bela finally looked at her, eyes wide and pleading. "I don't know anything...I only know something is wrong. I can feel it."

Tatyana sighed, frustrated she wasn't getting anything out of her sister but knowing better than to push. "Well, perhaps you have a reason to worry." She crossed her arms over her chest. "Our mother misses Vasili."

Bela gnawed on her lip for a moment, brow furrowed and hands fiddling with her tunic. "He was her son." She then stiffened. "She wouldn't...she wouldn't try to hurt herself, would she?" The fear in her voice gave Tatyana pause.

"That sounds personal."

She growled lowly at that and squeezed her eyes shut. "I...I don't know. I can't remember." Her eyes snapped open, now dark and filled with anguish. "But that's not uncommon, is it? A mother loses herself to grief after the death of her child and tries to…" she trailed off, hands shaking slightly, and Tatyana reached out to her.

"Bela," she took trembling hands in hers. "Is that what happened to your mother?"

Bela flinched, holding on to Tatyana tighter and looking at her with teary eyes. "No. Sasha is my mother. She's all I've ever known."

Bela didn't remember her human years, and at times Tatyana envied her because of it. Her birth mother was one she wished she could forget, but she knew she never could. Yet Bela seems so troubled by the things she can't remember.

Sometimes she looked tortured by it. Torn between wanting to know and continuing to live in ignorance of what her human self experienced. And now, Tatyana was certain that Bela's memory loss was something she no longer envied.

Her own experiences have made her stronger. Smarter. But Bela had to start fresh, meaning she had to once again learn things the hard way.

"Our mother doesn't wish to take her own life." Tatyana assured her, removing her hands from her cheeks and cupping her face. "Bela. I need you to focus. Can you do that for me?" Black eyes looked at her, dragged out of wherever place she had been mentally caged, and she gave her a shaky nod.

"Yes. I'm sorry." She murmured, looking younger than she truly was. For a moment Bela resembled Irina. Scared and uncertain but wanting to be strong.

Tatyana pressed a kiss to her forehead. "It's alright. You're alright."

Bela nodded, swallowing thickly and straightening as she composed herself. "I'm alright." She repeated, leaning into her for a moment appreciatively before pulling away. "Thank you."

She felt her chest swell with pride. I can calm Bela. I can be strong enough for all of us.

"As I said, our mother misses Vasili." Tatyana picked up where she left off. "She desires a son."

Bela looked at her in confusion. "Is that such a bad thing?"

"Do you think it's wise to integrate a male into our coven? Turning a man and expecting him to be a brother?" She growled. "You remember newborn lust. There is no way I'd allow that."

Her sister looked unnerved by that. "You're right," she shifted uncomfortably, brow furrowed and jaw clenched. "That wouldn't be wise." She ran her hands down her pants, unable to sit still. "What if he was already mated?" She suggested. "Then we wouldn't have to worry about newborn urges or anything of the sort."

Tatyana frowned. She hadn't considered allowing a mated male into their coven. Bela was right. Where an unmated male put her and her sister on edge, a mated one wasn't such a bad idea.

But that wouldn't be enough for Sasha.

"You raise a good point. I..." she thought of her husband and she scowled. "I don't want a man in this coven." Bela winced at that but remained quiet. "Besides, our mother would want to be the man's maker. She wants an already established motherly bond, like she has with all of us."

"She didn't have that with me."

"No, but she had a way to get to you." Tatyana said. "Through Katrina she was able to bond with you."

Bela nodded slowly. "That's true." She became quiet, withdrawn. The brunette curled into herself slightly, wrapping her arms around herself as though to keep from falling apart.

"Bela?"

"Why can't she be happy with us? Why does she need a son?"

Tatyana grit her teeth, struggling not to show her own anger with their mother as she thought carefully of her answer. "She still mourns Vasili's death. She believes having a son will remedy her own grief."

Bela curled her hands into fists. "Why are you telling me this?"

She winced, unsure whether or not to push. "Your birth mother...how well do you remember her?"

Her sister squeezed her eyes shut. "I remember enough."

"Bela-"

"I remember her well enough to know that she didn't want me." She blurted out, eyes snapping open and now filled with tears. "She didn't want me. I was a burden, so she sent me away."

Tatyana looked at her in surprise. "Oh." She hadn't expected Bela's mother to be so similar to her own. And hearing Tatyana's own words come from Bela's mouth was enough to make her flinch.

"I'm sorry." She whispered.

Bela scoffed at that. "Everyone is sorry. But what good is an apology when it's not from the person I need to hear it from the most?"

A soft sigh escaped Tatyana, and she reached out and took Bela's fist in her hands. "Children like us...children with wretched parents...we put so much blame on ourselves for what we can't control. When Sasha came into my life she taught me that my birth mother was a failure, and that I was worthy of love. She taught me the true love a mother should have for her daughter."

She watched the tension leave her sister's shoulders. "I hope our mother can do the same for you."

Bela unclenched her fists, allowing Tatyana to interlace their fingers before she sighed. "She has...but her search for a son…"

"I told you because I thought you could handle this news the best," Tatyana explained, giving her hand a small squeeze. "We're the oldest. And if our mother tries anything...I need to know I have your support."

Gold eyes looked at her warily. "What would she try?"

"I'm not sure, but she's never one to sit idle. That's how Katrina and Irina came to be." She smiled slightly at that, but it was devoid of mirth. "I believe she'll try to turn a male, and if she does she'll hopefully consult us first." She looked away from her sister. "I will oppose her decision...and I'll need you to do the same."

Bela sucked in a breath before grimacing. "If it makes her happy-"

"She has four daughters," Tatyana grumbled. "She's not content with what she has. How can we expect her to be content when she has a son?" Bitterness leaked into her voice and she scowled. "Just as we are not her daughters by birth, he will not truly be her son. What if she wants more? What if she goes too far?"

Her sister nodded slowly. "Okay...I understand." Gold eyes dimmed ever so slightly and she sighed. "I'll stand by you."

Tatyana felt relieved but still disturbed by even having to have this conversation. "And should anything happen to our mother...and I pray it doesn't," she met Bela's conflicted gaze, "I can trust you to support me as the leader of this coven?"

To her surprise, there was no hesitation or uncertainty when Bela answered. "Of course you can."

---

Bella was gone for two days, and for those two days, the arguing had hardly ceased.

"What were you thinking!" Tanya snarled. "How could you bring Jasper back here? Why didn't you think to warn anyone?"

Alice couldn't help but agree, even though she was elated at seeing Jasper again she couldn't believe that they came so abruptly and without warning.

Carlisle frowned at that. "We told Edward but had gotten no word from him after he called us." He replied irritably. "I don't condone his actions, but I don't condone your complacency in his punishment."

The Denali leader snorted, leaning back in her chair to eye Carlisle disdainfully. "He harmed a member of my coven. You may be a gentle spirit, Carlisle, but I am not. Especially when one of my sisters is mistreated."

"Gentle spirit-"

Kate laughed and cocked her head to the side. "I ripped your son's head from his neck and you haven't retaliated in the slightest. I would say 'gentle spirit' is just another word for spineless."

Tanya shot her sister a warning look. "Kate."

Carlisle hummed before shaking his head. "If it were unjustified I would have acted...however…" he looked at Edward. "Your actions were unacceptable, and this is not something I plan on overlooking."

Edward shifted uncomfortably, leaning closer to Esme who was staring numbly at her hands.

Carmen sat forward, ignoring Eleazar's call for peace and directing her glare at Esme. "As much as I enjoy disciplining your petulant son, I believe more pressing matters should be addressed."

Alice felt a bit on edge. Her mother had her own reasons for voting the way she did, though she had never said as to why. However, Bella had been more than justified when she had lashed out at all of them.

The only two that looked comfortable were Emmett and Rosalie. They voted to stay, and now Emmett thinks he's entitled to Bella's time and Rosalie thinks she's beyond reproach.

However, her sister didn't look haughty and smug, but quiet and thoughtful. Normally she would have spoken up and defended herself and her choice to stay. But now she sat silently on the couch by Emmett, listening and never opening her mouth to speak.

Rosalie had been undergoing some changes, positive ones thanks to Eleazar's help. Alice would have been overjoyed were there not an awkward tension between them.

Emmett and Alice weren't on good terms at the moment. He was on his soapbox about his choice to stay, but really, Emmett, Rosalie, and Carlisle were no better than the rest of them. They had still cut off contact with Bella just as they all had.

"Your vote, Esme. What was it?" Carmen asked. "Not that it makes much of a difference, but at the very least if you voted to stay I could possibly hold a tiny shred of respect for you."

Esme didn't look up from her hands. "Please, Carmen. Not right now." She spoke quietly, and there was a slight strain to her voice.

Jasper stiffened and Alice slipped her arms around his neck. She tried to alleviate his discomfort by thinking peaceful thoughts and steadying her breathing. He gave her a grateful smile, holding her close to his chest, but she knew her own emotions did little to block out everyone else's.

"You voted to leave."

Her mother clenched her jaw. "I promise that there is nothing you can say that I haven't already said to myself."

Carmen let out a sardonic laugh. "Oh, but I'm willing to try." She swiftly stood to her feet, approaching Esme with a lackadaisical stride. She stopped in front of her and crouched down, forcing Esme to look her in the eye. "You have ten seconds to explain yourself before I remove your head from your body."

Carlisle hissed and sat forward, making Eleazar stand to his feet as well. Before anyone could move Esme put her hand out, placing it on her mate's thigh and making him relax ever so slightly.

To Alice's surprise, Esme only gave Carmen a hollow smile. "I would be deserving of any punishment you see fit."

Edward frowned. "Mother-"

Carmen stood up in a flash, sliding her hand through Edward's hair and grabbing it tightly before yanking him to his feet. He hissed at the pain and froze when she gripped his neck tightly. Cracks erupted on his skin and he choked out a cough.

Kate smiled gleefully, sitting up straighter and looking ready to jump to her feet before Tanya put a hand out to stop her. The warrior wasn't put off by her sister's restraint, but she leaned against her hand as though she would get up at any moment.

Eleazar was standing, body rigid, and never taking his eyes off Carlisle who was now looking at his eldest in slight panic.

Carmen's hand on Edward's throat had gained Esme's attention. The woman looked at her son with wide eyes and her hands curled into fists.

Carmen laughed at that. "I have no qualms with removing this bastardo's head from his body. I will happily do it, and my girls will help me burn the pieces."

"Carmen-"

"One." She tightened her grip on Edward's throat. "Two."

Esme was on her feet now, teeth bared and eyes black. "Leave my children out of this-"

"Take a step closer!" Carmen bellowed. Her smile was feral and her eyes burned black. "Strike me so I can rip you and your son limb from limb!"

Emmett growled at that. "We wouldn't let you get the chance."

Irina bared her teeth at him. "As if your pathetic family could get past us." Kate smiled widely at her sister's rage and Tanya quickly removed her hand as sparks danced across her skin. Their leader seemed conflicted by the outbursts, but Tanya was just as outraged as the rest of her family.

"Three."

Kate stared Emmett down. "I stuck your brother's head on a spike, and I'll do the same to you!" The hurt in Emmett's eyes made Alice wince. Kate once called him brother, and she had once loved him like one.

It first seemed that Kate and Emmett's relationship, though rocky, would improve. But Emmett was too persistent with Bella, and Kate's rage had reignited when Bella's own anger sparked. Anyone that Bella disliked, Kate also disliked, and Emmett was no exception.

We hurt Bella. What we did was inexcusable. What I did was inexcusable. How foolish was she to think they could return to Forks and avoid the consequences of their decision?

Alice and Emmett had been fools. They had both come back, treating Bella the same as how they left her, optimistically thinking things would go back to normal. For Alice, it had worked for a time. Now Bella knew how she voted. Now Bella knew she voluntarily left her and hadn't planned on returning. Now Bella couldn't stand to look at her.

"Kate," Rosalie growled. "You're just making things worse."

"Four."

"You'd know a lot about that, wouldn't you?" Kate snarled. "What the fuck did you say to Bella? Why can't she look at you, Rosalie?" Her lips pulled back into a sneer. "What have you ruined this time?"

Alice winced and chanced a glance at her sister. She knew that hit home, she could see it in the way Rosalie's body stiffened and the way she clenched her jaw. Her face was devoid of emotion, but Alice could see the conflicting emotions swirl in darkening gold eyes.

Jasper's soft grunt quickly gained her attention. He was curled in on himself, struggling with the negative emotions in the room, and Alice cupped his face in her hands and tried to soothe him. His brow was furrowed and he was shaking slightly, growling under his breath and his hands balled into fists.

The seer tried to combat her own worry, knowing it would only make things worse for Jasper. "Please, we all need to stop this." She spoke gently, not taking her eyes off of her mate.

"Five!"

Esme snarled at her. "Carmen!"

"Six!"

"You want to talk about making things worse?" Rosalie hummed. "I'm guessing Bella still hasn't seen the reason you chose to change your diet."

Irina bared her teeth. "You're out of line, Rose."

The blonde Cullen raised a brow. "We're talking about ruining things, Irina. I screwed up with Bella, and I recognize that. But I haven't traumatized her."

Alice clenched her jaw. "Rosalie." Her sister had no right to be possessive of Bella, no matter how close the two had become.

But evidently, old habits died hard. "I've always protected Bella. Whether it be from repulsive humans." She narrowed her eyes at Kate. "Or vampires. Like you."

Alice watched as Kate's eyes turned black and she lurched forward. "Kate!" Tanya warned, making the warrior stop in her tracks, face to face with Rosalie who had also gotten to her feet.

Kate was fighting with every fiber of her being to stop herself from lunging at Rosalie. She was snarling and hissing but she didn't take another step forward. Emmett went to Rosalie's side, teeth bared in warning, making Kate laugh mockingly.

"Do you think you're intimidating?" There was a glint in her eyes, one that screamed for bloodshed. "I've slaughtered warriors far stronger than you, boy. And you'd do well to remember that."

Emmett growled lowly at her. "Touch Rose, and I'll be happy to prove you wrong."

Irina laughed from her seat on the couch. "You think you frighten her? The boy brought down by a bear?"

"Shut the fuck up, Irina." Rosalie snapped.

Kate hissed at her. "You're lucky you didn't know me when I had red eyes. Or I would have ripped out your tongue by now."

"Seven!"

Rosalie opened her mouth to retort before she caught sight of Eleazar. He placed a hand on Kate's shoulder before giving Rosalie a pleading look. To Alice's surprise, she shut her mouth, clenching her jaw, and instead glared silently at Kate.

Carlisle moved to Esme's side. "Carmen, let him go. Please." His voice had an edge to it. "Esme will explain herself on her own time."

"She doesn't deserve the luxury of comfort. Not after what she did." Carmen smiled. "Eight." Edward was limp in her grip, eyes squeezed shut, no doubt troubled by all the loud thoughts coming from everyone.

He thinks he deserves to be killed. Alice knew he deserved to be punished, but Edward was still her brother. Few understood her the way he and Jasper did.

Few understand me the way Bella did. If I had just reached out to her, if I had just explained why I had to leave, I bet she would have understood.

Jasper drew her attention, whimpering slightly and making her stand to her feet.

"Stop it! Stop it all of you!" Alice snapped. "You're hurting him!"

"Good!" Kate roared, not bothering to tear her glare away from Rosalie and Emmett. "He hurt Bella! He deserves everything that comes to him and more!"

Alice wanted to yell at her. She wanted to tell the warrior that it wasn't Jasper's fault, none of it was. But fear and shame loomed over her. It shrouded her in silence and she hated herself all the more for it.

I have to tell them. I can put a stop to all of this. But she was terrified of the outcome.

Carlisle growled and looked at Eleazar. "Please, speak some sense to your wife. Edward's death will create a war between our families." Alice knew he hadn't meant to come off as condescending, but the stress of the situation was getting to him. It was getting to everyone.

Eleazar blinked in surprise before his eyes narrowed. "Don't presume I control Carmen. She has autonomy, Carlisle. Just as your wife does." He moved slowly so that he stood partially in front of his mate. "I don't want anyone to get hurt, but it appears Esme can prevent that if she simply answers the question." He narrowed his eyes at her. "Why did you leave?"

Carmen looked at him appreciatively before turning back to Esme. "Nine."

Jasper grunted, he couldn't stay here, they both knew that. But she also knew her mate better than anyone. He wanted to be yelled at for hurting Bella. He felt the pain he was in was justified. The grief and shame on his face when Bella had looked at him was agonizing.

She had once been his friend. She had once had faith in him and trusted him despite his shaky control with human blood. Now she couldn't even look at him without panicking. It was hard to watch.

The fear in her friend's eyes had made her sick. And, just like on the night of the attack and the days after, it was the exact reason Alice couldn't bring herself to face Bella. Her own guilt was too strong and it disgusted her.

Esme's shoulders slouched in defeat and she looked away from them. "Carmen...let him go and I'll tell you." The resignation in her voice made Alice grimace, but Carmen merely scoffed at her.

"A shame you couldn't show the same devotion for mi hija. However, she is mine. But I expected a fellow mother to have the same compassion for a lost child," she shoved Edward aside, making him stumble towards Esme who embraced him gently.

She had tears in her eyes, not for her fear of what could have become of Edward. They all knew she'd never let anything happen to her children. But because of Bella.

Tanya looked at Kate. "Come sit with us, sister."

The warrior snarled in Rosalie's face, who didn't so much as flinch, before appearing back by her sisters' sides. She sat in between them, still tense and infuriated as she glared at Rosalie. Tanya interlaced their fingers while Irina laid her head on her shoulder, tethering the warrior onto the couch.

Rosalie didn't put on a condescending smile or even look victorious at having riled Kate up. Instead, she sighed and sat back down, slipping her hand into Emmett's and forcing him to sit next to her.

Her restraint was surprising, and when her eyes met Alice's she offered her a reassuring look before looking straight ahead. It surprised her. She and Rosalie's relationship had been tense since Alice's altercation with Emmett. But now her sister didn't seem to be holding a grudge.

Now she was looking at Eleazar, seemingly comforted by his small smile.

Jasper relaxed ever so slightly and leaned into Alice. He rested his head on her shoulder and sighed. She felt her panic ebb away and forced herself to feel more calm and peaceful. He kissed her shoulder and she smiled warmly at him, momentarily distracted from her own turmoil.

Esme released Edward and met Carmen's gaze. "I love Bella."

The brunette smiled tersely at that. "Then I'm very thankful that you and I have different definitions when it comes to love." She tilted her head to the side, a possessive glint in her eyes appeared. "I will make it known to you now, so there is no misunderstanding." She leaned forward, "You have forfeited your role as a mother to her. She was mine before you were born, and she will continue to be mine long after." She sat next to the other Denali's, and Eleazar propped himself up on the armrest of the couch. "Explain yourself."

Alice watched as her mother sat back down, ignoring her mate's comforting hand on her shoulder as she stared at her hands. "You're all wrong to put any blame on Jasper for what happened." She spoke quietly, though there was still defiance in her eyes.

Edward grimaced, as did Jasper. "Mother-"

"No." She shook her head. "I have to be honest." She looked at Carmen. "I didn't want to leave, but I couldn't…" she trailed off before a frown overtook her features. "I felt I couldn't stay. Not after what happened."

Alice's eyes widened and her guilt resurfaced. It was something she had tried to suppress, and for a while she had succeeded. Bella was initially welcoming of her and Rosalie, unperturbed by their absence, and she was fine with Alice worming her way back into her life.

It had been easy to ignore her part in all this. Bella was a little different, but she was still Bella, and they had picked up their friendship as though Alice had never left. The guilt hadn't been present, not when everything had seemingly gone back to normal.

But now Bella is being honest about her feelings and about her pain and I can't keep lying about this I can't keep-

Jasper interlaced their fingers and Edward gave her a curious look. She was still upset with him. The way he had left Bella was disgusting. She couldn't imagine just how devastated her friend had felt at hearing his easy dismissal of her.

And what about me? All the unanswered texts and calls and emails. Alice glanced at Rosalie. And Rosalie. Bella lo- she stopped, remembering Edward's presence, and forced herself to think of something else. She had gotten used to thinking freely without the mind reader, and she would have to build her mental walls back up.

Esme released a shaky breath, eyes still wet and hands trembling slightly. "When I smelled Bella's blood I...I nearly attacked her." She swallowed thickly, unable to meet the eyes of her family members. "I thought about tearing out her throat and draining her dry. She was screaming in pain and I couldn't protect her. If it weren't for Carlisle...I would have tried to kill her myself." There was a strain in her voice, shame and disgust, and pain.

"And Edward had nothing to do with this bloodlust? She was his singer." Tanya prodded.

The mind reader looked at her. "I held my breath the second I saw her blood."

Carmen ignored him, still focused on Esme, and she didn't seem very wasn't appeased by the woman's answer. "So you ran."

Esme's eyes snapped upward and a snarl escaped her. "What kind of mother fantasizes about murdering her own daughter?" Tears burned her eyes and she clenched her jaw. "I saw how Bella looked at me..." her voice quieted and a shuttered breath escaped her. "She was afraid of me." A sob escaped her. "I'm the reason Jasper attacked her. My bloodlust was too strong. I overwhelmed him and I...I'm the true reason we had to leave."

Silence engulfed the room. Alice glanced at Jasper, who kept his head down. Edward took their mother's hand in his, trying to provide comfort but failing. Esme looked broken beyond repair.

It was clear that the empath and mind reader had known, but everyone else appeared startled by this revelation.

"Why didn't you say anything? We could have-" Carlisle was cut off by Edward.

"There's no changing the past, only enduring the consequences and pushing forward. She knows that and so do I."

Emmett growled at that. "Shut the fuck up, Edward. Just shut up. I don't want to hear any more bullshit coming out of your mouth!"

Jasper scowled at him. "Stop it, Emmett. This isn't helping-"

"Nothing helps!" He bellowed, standing to his feet and throwing his arms up in exasperation. "Nothing fucking helps you people! We left Bella because almost everyone felt guilty about what happened. We go to London and everyone is still upset and guilty because we left her!" Alice doesn't think she'd ever seen her brother so angry. "It's almost like we shouldn't have left in the first place!"

He was pacing now, chest heaving and muscles tightening as though he were ready to pounce at any moment. "Do you know how hard it was being around all of you?" Venom coated his words but the hurt in dark eyes gave away his anguish. "Edward practically starved himself. Mom was crying all the time and dad tried to comfort her but he was just as sad. Hell, Alice and Jasper couldn't even stand to live with us because they were just as depressed and guilty and…"

Emmett trailed off, forcing himself to stop pacing and curling his hands into fists. "I tried so hard to make things better. I listened to dad and Edward and I did what I was told because I'm not the smart one. I'm not. I'm just the one everybody laughs at. So I thought if I could get you all laughing and happy again that it would work."

A shuttered breath escaped him. "I tried cheering everyone up. But none of you understands how hard it is to be the cheerful one when no one even cares about your own happiness." He clenched his jaw. "After Rosalie left I had no one to comfort me. I was hurt too. But I played my role...and none of you played yours." His eyes burned with tears. "We're a family, but not one of my siblings, or the people I call my parents even asked if I was okay." Rosalie took his hand in hers and he cleared his throat, shoulders sagging slightly as the anger left him.

Alice felt guilt engulf her, but she didn't look away from her brother. She understood him, she often played the peacemaker or the happy-go-lucky sibling along with Emmett. She was supposed to be bubbly and smiley in everything she did.

If anything she should have seen this reaction coming. Not because of her abilities as a seer, but because she had often felt this way as well.

Carlisle looked shocked. His brow furrowed and his eyes gleamed shame. "Son, I'm so sorry we made you feel that way."

"Shut up, Carlisle!" Emmett snapped. "I'm not like Edward. The past matters to me and it matters to Bella. You told me this move would be good for everyone, but it wasn't good for anyone! I raised my own concerns and you didn't even listen to me!" He glowered at him. "I'm not smart, but I'm not an idiot. My opinion should mean something."

Edward looked at him. "You know our father values what you have to say. You're just hurt that-"

"Get the fuck out of my head, Edward!" He turned his glare to Jasper. "And stop trying to calm me down! If anything you should save those emotions for yourself, because you can't control your goddamn urges!"

Alice snarled at that, detaching herself from her Jasper and standing to her feet.

"None of what happened was Jasper's fault! You heard what mom said!" But Jasper still blames himself for everything. He always has.

"And I saw what Jasper did. So did Bella. It's one of her key memories, Alice!"

She knew she couldn't keep quiet, not anymore. Jasper deserved better, and they all deserved the truth.

"If you want to blame someone then blame me. I saw this happen and didn't tell anyone!" There was a loud slam and they turned to see Kate being restrained by Tanya and Eleazar.

The warrior had moved so quickly and abruptly that the legs of the couch hadn't been able to withstand the pressure. Cracks splintered the hardwood and Kate was looking at her murderously. Jasper got to his feet, teeth bared, and crouched protectively in front of Alice.

Irina was being restrained by Carmen, who was wrapped around her waist and holding her close to her chest.

"You snake!" Bella's maker roared. "How could you let this happen!"

Alice felt her eyes burn and her hands began to tremble. "It's not like that, please you have to-"

Irina wasn't having it. "You left her unprotected! You didn't see what Laurent did to her! To my sister-" she pulled against Carmen's hold. "Let me go!" Black eyes burned with hatred and tears, and Alice had to look away from her as shame threatened to devour her.

The older woman continued to hold her tightly, clearly struggling against her strength. "Irina, I can't risk you getting hurt." She eyed Jasper warily. "Please calm yourself." It took a bit more soothing for Irina to go limp against her, growling savagely at Alice but no longer trying to attack her.

Carmen held her, stroking her hair and murmuring into her ear. Kate, however, was not willing to give up her fight so easily.

Alice looked at the Denali's. "I'm so sorry." Her mate still stood protectively in front of her, ready for Kate to break free and ready to stop her.

The blonde snarled at Jasper. "I'll rip your treacherous wife apart and add your limbs to the kindling as you watch her burn!"

"You won't touch her!"

"What you've done to Bella I'll do to your mate tenfold!"

Tanya roughly grabbed her sister's shoulder, shoving her back against the couch and baring her teeth at her. "Katrina, that is enough!" Alice watched warily as the warrior hissed but allowed herself to go limp. Sparks jumped around her fingertips but didn't dance around her body. She was controlling herself, just enough to not electrocute Tanya and Eleazar.

"They all hurt her." She sounded close to sobbing now, but the rage was still present. "They all hurt her and have these bullshit backstories! I don't care! I don't! I want them dead!"

Irina turned to the eldest. "Bella is our sister, Tanya." Venom coated her words and her hands were balled into fists. "Tell me you aren't outraged." Irina was the more peaceful of the sisters, but she was Bella's maker. It only made sense that she wanted more retribution for what her newborn had endured.

However, it was strange to think of Bella as a Denali sister. Heartbreaking, even. Alice knew it was for the best that Bella left with the Denali's, but that didn't make it hurt any less. She was once her sister, her best friend, but her own cowardice ruined it.

Edward or no Edward. Vision or no vision. Bella still would have loved me.

Tanya bared her teeth. "Of course I'm outraged! But I don't have the luxury of acting out my emotions. I have a coven to protect, Irina!" Her sister hissed at that and Tanya growled. "Don't. Not again." They glared at each other. "I understood the first time, you were young. But these circumstances are different. You're older. Act like it."

This made her snarl at the eldest. "Age has nothing to do with this! Bella is my newborn, I have every right to be furious! Stop trivializing how I feel!"

"I'm not!" Tanya snapped, clenching her jaw and taking a deep breath. "I'm...I'm sorry. That wasn't my intention. I'm just...a bit overwhelmed." Irina softened at that and Tanya sighed. "We'll discuss this later. Irina, Carmen, please take Kate hunting."

The warrior growled at that and Carmen turned to Eleazar. "Would you go with her? I'm not finished here, and I'm afraid I won't be much help." She confessed, planting a kiss on the youngest sister's cheek and releasing her.

Eleazar smiled at her, kissing her forehead and nodding before he stood. "Of course."

Kate glared at their leader. "I'm not a child."

Tanya rubbed her temples, as though she were capable of getting a headache. "You're not. But I can't afford any more outbursts from you or Irina. You're both upset, rightfully so, but I have to do what's best for our coven. Starting a war with the Cullens at a time like this is not in our best interest."

Kate was silent for a moment before she growled and allowed Irina to take her hand. "You're right." She sneered at the Cullens. "We'll need cannon fodder for the newborns."

Rosalie clenched her jaw but said nothing, much to Alice's surprise. Eleazar murmured softly to Kate, placing a hand on her shoulder and getting her to calm down slightly. The warrior released a shaky growl, eyes still wet with anger and sadness and her hands still trembled slightly.

Irina dragged her out of the house with Eleazar in tow. "Start counting. I'll count too." The youngest sister murmured, and the three disappeared behind the treeline.

The vampires sat in silence for a moment, and Tanya glanced at where they had vanished before turning back to the Cullens. "I have many questions…" she trailed off when she noticed Carmen staring at her. "Whatever you have to say, please keep your emotions in check."

Spending months with Tanya, not Tanya the leader, but Tanya the older sister, had almost made Alice forget just how well Tanya led the Denali's. She had seen so much of the playful, petulant Tanya, that seeing her take charge and behave so rationally made her seem like a completely different person.

Carlisle was consistently the levelheaded father figure of the family. But it was different for the Denali's. It was as Carmen said, Tanya was their sister first. They had spent centuries together, and before that, they had a dynamic in which Tanya was only their sister.

The three had been led by Sasha, and with the power shift had come difficulties, especially between Kate and Tanya. Alice didn't know much about the situation, but she did know that Tanya had always walked a fine line between sister and leader.

Carmen smiled at the blonde, patting her thigh assuringly. "I only have a question." She glanced at Alice, gold eyes no longer warm but cold and unflinching. Then she looked at Esme. "Your guilt...I empathize with you. But I still do not like you." She told her. "Why did you stop speaking to Bella? Why didn't you reach out?"

Esme smiled, bitter and cold and sad. "And say what?" She croaked. "She'd text Emmett and Rosalie and Alice. She'd ask them questions about where they were and how everyone was doing. But she never mentioned me or Jasper. I just assumed that...she was done with me. I didn't want to push. I didn't want to make things worse."

The Hispanic woman looked at her thoughtfully. "You never considered that your absence made things worse?"

"If you had seen how she looked at me…" Esme swallowed thickly. "If you had seen the fear...it was...I was supposed to love and protect her. I was supposed to be a mother to her." She looked at Carmen. "If she had looked at you the way she looked at me you'd feel the same."

"Perhaps. But I'm not you." She laughed slightly at that, as though she made a joke. "I push, Esme. I push when my girls need me to. And sometimes I push too hard but at the very least they know that I will always fight for them." She crossed her arms over her chest. "You've made it so I have to fight all over again to get my hija back."

Esme looked ashamed. "I never wanted to be another Renee to her."

"First that woman, then you…" she trailed off, looking uncomfortable as she spoke. "And then Sasha." Tanya flinched, eyes glazing over and hands trembling. Carmen took one of her hands in hers and squeezed it gently. "Tanya is similar in that way. Both her and Bella have never had consistency when it came to mothers, not until me." The leader relaxed slightly, pressing against Carmen's side and closing her eyes. "You owe Bella an explanation when she returns. She will try to send you away, but you will stay and explain yourself. You will push because that's what she needs. An explanation and an apology."

Alice winced at that. "I don't know if that's a good idea. Bella was volatile when we saw her last-"

Tanya hissed at that. "Bella isn't yours to protect. She's my sister!"

Alice wasn't possessive, it wasn't within her character. But she was a vampire, and for a time Bella had been a part of her coven. She had been a part of her family. And even though they screwed up, Alice wasn't willing to let her go that easily.

"She's my sister too!"

The leader laughed at that. "Was. She was your sister."

The seer didn't take the bait, but it was difficult for her to suppress her growl. "We should give her time. We should let her process what's going on before we bombard her."

"Or," Rosalie finally spoke up, "Bella could choose what she wants instead of everyone deciding for her."

Tanya growled at that but had no rebuttal. Instead, she looked at Alice again. "Explain your vision and why you kept it a secret."

Guilt threatened to devour her as all eyes turned to her. "I saw it happen in one vision...but the chances were extremely small. It shouldn't have happened. There were too many positive outcomes, and that other vision was no longer on my radar."

"So you ignored it." Rosalie scoffed. "Why didn't you say anything?"

Jasper hissed at her. "Stop it, Rose. You're not an angel in all this."

"I never claimed to be. But if I saw any variation of Bella being attacked by you then I would have at least said something." She smiled thinly at Alice. "Or I would have at least told everyone to utilize gift bags rather than wrapping paper."

Edward glared at her. "Is this a joke to you?"

"I'm certainly entertaining myself, but I'm not at all amused by the incompetence that runs in this family. My own included." The seer was surprised by Rosalie's accountability. "However, the vampires with supernatural abilities, abilities that allow them insight into other's emotions and thoughts and futures…" she laughed but it was devoid of humor. "Those very vampires are the worst at communication. So maybe that's a joke in it of itself."

Carlisle frowned when he noticed Alice's discomfort. "That's enough, Rosalie."

"I don't think it is." She retorted. "We're a family but we sure as hell haven't been acting like one. All these secrets…" she looked away from them. "It's ridiculous. Insulting, even."

"Secrets?" Edward growled. "Like when you and Alice lied about going to New York but came straight here to Bella?"

Alice scowled at him. "We thought she was dead-"

"She is dead!" He snapped. "She's dead and you didn't tell anyone! Just like you didn't tell anyone about your vision of Bella being attacked."

Rosalie looked at him incredulously. "We didn't tell anyone because look at how you're behaving. She's not dead, Edward. She's more alive than she's ever been." He clenched his jaw and looked away from her. "I know you didn't want her to become like us...I didn't either. But that was never our decision to make."

"Stop." He muttered. "I understand."

Tanya looked between him and Rosalie for a moment before clearing her throat. "Well, I won't drag this out any longer." She stood to her feet. "Bella is a Denali. She is ours. When all this is over we'll be going back to Alaska, and it could very well be the last time you see us." She looked at Alice. "Your explanation is...wanting to say the least."

Jasper spoke up. "She says what happened was an anomaly."

Carmen narrowed her eyes. "Is this true?"

Alice nodded. "It is. This shouldn't have happened. It's almost as if...there was an interference." She then shook her head. "But still, I should have said something. I should have told Bella and at least said goodbye." She bit her lip. "I didn't want to worry everyone...and Bella and Rosalie weren't talking-"

"And why does that matter?" Rosalie grew defensive, and Alice sighed. She knew Bella's reason for essentially ending their friendship, and it was something that had bothered Rosalie ever since. "Why bring that up?"

"Because Jasper was going to keep the peace." Alice snapped. "You and Bella were both hurting...and everyone knew how awkward things were. If I told him about my vision, something that never should have happened, he would have stayed away. He loves Bella too. He wanted to be there. Bella should have never cut her finger that night."

Carlisle looked at her sadly. "We know. No one blames you."

Tanya sneered at this. "Speak for yourself. Such a vision should never go ignored, regardless of the probabilities." She crossed her arms over her chest. "The rest of you Cullens need to find a new place to reside. Bella can't stand to look at you, and quite frankly neither can the rest of us."

Edward looked up at that. "This is our home-"

"Was." Tanya corrected, making her way to the door with Carmen at her side. "Until it's safe for us to return to Alaska, this is our home." She looked around the room. "It was abandoned when we got here, so sad and lonely. But we've made it our own. We're quite fond of it, actually." Her true meaning wasn't lost on anyone.

The mind reader grimaced and nodded slowly. "You're right...that was rude of me. We left."

"You did."

He was silent for a moment before asking, "How is she?"

"Let me speak plainly to you, Edward. Since you're apparently ignoring my thoughts." Tanya growled. "What you did to my sister, what you said to her, was revolting. You are revolting, and I have nothing to say to you. For your own good, you should stay away from me and my sisters."

He looked away from her. "I understand that I can't atone for my sins. But I do wish to make things right-"

"Then leave her alone," Carmen interjected.

Edward shook his head. "I'll give her all the time she needs, but she deserves better from me."

Emmett growled at him. "Give it a rest, Edward. She's not your mate." The mind reader clenched his jaw but said nothing, and that worried Alice. She knew Edward would respect Kate and Bella's relationship, but his envy had a chance of getting the better of him. Alice worried that his nostalgia for human Bella and what the two had together threatened his sanity.

"They're happy, Edward. Bella is happy." Alice said quietly. "She's the happiest I've ever seen her."

Hurt flashed in dark eyes and he nodded slowly. "Good. I'm glad." Whatever Rosalie was thinking caused him to glare at her. She smiled blankly at him in response and Jasper frowned in concentration as he tried to keep the two calm.

Tanya looked at Rosalie and Alice. "You two have been good friends to Bella since you've returned. Apologize, make things right with her. Then she can decide if wants you to stay or not. If it were up to me neither of you would step foot in this house again, but I believe the decision should be up to her." Her eyes fell on Jasper. "You are not a monster, Jasper. What happened was out of your control. However, I must insist that you stay away from both Bella and Kate. For Bella's peace of mind and for your own safety."

Carlisle interjected. "Bella needs to get used to Jasper again. They were good friends before we left, and he would like to reconcile."

Carmen scowled at him. "She doesn't need to do anything. Mi hija will probably want nothing more to do with your coven." She glanced at Jasper, anger faltering for a moment before turning back to Esme. "You abandon one child. Let the other take the fall for your poor self-control. And then neglected the one who only wanted to make you happy." Carmen smiled tersely at the shame written all over Esme's face. "If it's any consolation, know that Bella will experience the love of a true mother. Then no more tears will be wasted on you."

She stood to her feet and Tanya did as well. "You all have ten minutes to collect any past possessions you want. Then you will leave." She looked at Rosalie and Alice. "You two are the only ones who can remain...tread lightly." Emmett looked ready to protest but the Denali leader stopped him. "Bella needs space from you, and you will give it to her. All of you will."

And then they were gone, leaving the Cullens to bear the weight of their own shame.

Only to be startled when Emmett abruptly got to his feet and announced, "I'm not living with any of you miserable fucks." Before swiftly leaving the house. Alice watched as Carlisle and Esme ran after him, but she knew his decision was final.

"I'm sorry," Alice murmured, unsure of who she was directing her apology to. Bella? Emmett? Jasper? Everyone? "I'm sorry for everything."

---

"Do you remember me?" Victoria watched delightedly as Bella tried to scramble away from her. "Bella," she cooed, grabbing her by the hair and yanking her closer. "I asked you a question.

Bella yelped but didn't try to fight her. Her hands instinctively went to Victoria's wrists, but instead of pulling at them she only held them, pulling herself up slightly to lessen the pressure on her scalp. Her arms trembled as she did so, and Victoria couldn't tear her eyes off of her.

The resemblance was uncanny.

"Don't kill her," James warned, fiddling with the camera as he eyed them disinterestedly. "She's my hunt."

Victoria growled at him before looking back at the girl. Long brown hair. Heart-shaped face. Slender nose. Sharp chin.

'Brown eyes. Not gold.' But she couldn't stop staring at her.

"I-I've never seen you before you showed up on the field." Bella stammered and yet a flicker of recognition sparked in her eyes. A look of sadness and understanding that made Victoria freeze.

She remembered that look. She remembered empathetic gold eyes staring down at her as they laid in the woods.

"Bela?"

This made the human flinch and her eyes squeezed shut. "I don't know who that is. I'm...I've never seen you before. I'm sorry."

Victoria felt idiotic for believing otherwise. "I am too. You look so much like her." She stroked her cheek, feeling hot blood rise to the surface. "I always thought about what I'd do if I saw her again." Her hand slipped to Bella's jaw and squeezed it. "I always thought about how I'd make her suffer."

Bella's eyes popped open and she winced. But to Victoria's surprise, she didn't cry out despite her tightening grip on her jaw. "What did she do?"

Her eyes widened before a startled laugh escaped her. "You should be begging for your life right now, stupid girl."

Brown eyes clouded over, and for a moment the girl looked as though she were somewhere else.

"You didn't beg for yours." Her voice was soft, with not a trace of cruelty to be found. Victoria flinched, dropping the girl in surprise. Bella fell on her hands and knees, breathing raggedly and keeping her head down.

"What did you say?" Victoria growled, hands curling into fists when the confused girl looked up at her.

"I...I didn't say anything." Red eyes bore into confused brown ones, looking for any signs of deception but finding none. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to-"

"Do you think this is a game!" Victoria bellowed, reaching down and grabbing her throat. She lifted Bella into the air, watching as she squirmed feebly in her grasp. "Speak, you stupid girl! Draw a breath, if you can!"

Her face was losing color, and she gripped helplessly at the stone hand that was wrapped around her throat. Victoria's satisfied smile vanished when she realized the girl wasn't even trying to fight back or break free.

'Fight back, stupid girl!'

"Victoria!" James snapped, and she glared at him before gently putting the girl down, loosening her grip, but she didn't remove her hand from Bella's throat. "She may look like her, but she isn't her." His voice softened, and bright red eyes burned with empathy. "If she was Bela, you know I would let you do whatever you wished."

Everything had happened so quickly that night. The screams still haunted her, and she wondered if they always would.

Victoria clenched her jaw. "I know." Bella sucked in gulps of air, legs trembling and knees about to give out if she wasn't still being held upright by the hand on her throat.

"But she isn't. She's just some lookalike." For all his ferocity and demented hunts, he was always gentle with her. Only her. "She's mine. And so is Edward." He grinned widely at her. "And Alice...it's been so long since I've seen her." His smile dissipated and a growl escaped his lips. "I won't fail my hunt. She won't get away from me. Not this time."

"Just kill the girl and be done with it." Victoria pleaded. "There's too many vampires, this won't end well, James."

A kiss pressed against her temple. "I love you." And he was back in front of the camera, adjusting it just the way he wanted.

Victoria wanted to yell at him, but nothing would get through to the tracker, and she knew that. He liked a challenge, and he always chose to fight, even when it was better to run.

"Your obsession is going too far."

"It's not an obsession." He drawled, glancing at Bella who was still catching her breath. "It's ambition."

"Your ambition will get us both killed." She murmured, making him pause and look up at her.

"Not you. Never you." James focused on the camera once again. "You won't be here when Edward arrives. All of this is very personal to me, you know." He smiled impishly before stepping back from the camera. "If things go to shit, I'll leave."

He was lying, but she was too afraid to question him, and she was too smart to stay in some empty dance studio and wait for the Cullens to come to them.

Her gift allowed her to evade. She would be a hindrance to James if she stayed. He would be too concerned for her wellbeing and that would get them both killed.

"Good." She finally said before turning back to the human that was still in her grasp.

Bella's hands gripped Victoria's upper arms, holding on tightly as she tried to regain her strength. It was pitiful. She was pitiful. But Victoria didn't move away.

She could feel every breath that escaped the girl. Every inhale and exhale, and the way her pulse thundered against her fingertips. Her adrenaline was pumping, making her muscles twitch and her heart pound and her eyes wide.

"You couldn't be her." Victoria hummed, rubbing her thumb against the red hand imprint she had left on the human's pale throat. "That bitch was many things. But pitiful wasn't one of them."

Bella looked at her drolly, and for a moment the fear fled from her eyes. "How is that fair? You're comparing a human to a vampire...one who got the better of you."

Victoria almost snapped her neck.

But she didn't. Bella was James's prey and she would respect that.

"You have a mouth on you." James laughed, but there was no mirth in it.

He appeared in front of them and rammed his fist into Bella's ribs. A loud crack echoed off the walls and the girl shrieked, tears streaming down her face as she braced herself against Victoria's arms.

It felt oddly intimate. The human would have collapsed if not for her hand wrapped around her throat and Bella's hands digging into her arms.

It made her smile.

"Bella." Victoria cooed, using her free hand to stroke the girl's hair. "I don't want to leave you." She leaned closer, resting her chin on her shoulder and brushing her lips against her ear. "You look so much like Bela," she whispered, "that I want to stay and personally rip the flesh from your bones." The girl whimpered at that and Victoria pressed a kiss to her jaw. "I'm sorry it couldn't be me." She told her sincerely before pulling away.

Bella collapsed to her knees, crying out in pain at the sudden jolt in her ribs.

Victoria smiled. "One more for the road." She pulled her foot back before delivering a sharp kick to her leg.

Crack!

The redhead snarled in aggravation when her foot hit the tree, ripping out its roots and sending it toppling to the ground. The blonde, Kate, if she recalled correctly, had evaded her attack with ease.

Her newborns didn't fare any better against the other vampires, and she was beyond livid. They had attacked too soon. They hadn't waited until she was a safe distance away, just as she instructed, and now she was caught in the fray.

Kate's skin was crackling with electricity and her eyes were a deep black. Victoria had hoped to observe the other vampires, and it was just her luck that the blonde was with them.

She already knew that Kate was their best fighter, but part of her had been hoping Bella was with them. This might be a good opportunity for me to learn more. She darted away, baiting Kate with ease and separating her from the other vampires.

"Bella Swan, who is she to you?" She asked, slowing ever so slightly so that the warrior could catch up. Victoria knew she couldn't beat Kate in a fight, but she had no intention of trying.

Her body pricked with unease and she lept to the right, narrowly missing Kate's outstretched hands. "Not much for conversation?" Kate snarled at her, lunging at her again with teeth bared. "A friend?" She evaded her with ease. "Perhaps something more. You're very protective of her-"

"She's my mate!" Victoria narrowly avoided her fist. That's a surprise.

"You don't look like Edward."

The new information took her by surprise. I did all of this to get revenge on Edward. But she's not even his mate.

She had known the Cullens were gone and that Bella had formed a bond with the wolves in their absence. But to discover that Edward killed James for a human, one who wasn't even his mate, only served to infuriate her even more.

He was killed for nothing.

Kate growled at her, stopping her assault for a moment to speak. "Your revenge is misplaced. Edward killed your mate, not Bella."

Her eyebrows raised at that. "So quick to throw your friend under the bus."

She snorted at that, never dropping her guard but not moving closer. "He is no friend of mine. His family hurt Bella more than you or your mate ever could." Her anger faltered, voice laced with pain as she spoke. "Your desire for revenge...I understand it. But my mate is innocent in all this."

Does she think I'm stupid enough to empathize with her? The prickle that stabbed her skin hadn't subsided. Kate was still a danger to her. Kate still wanted to hurt her.

Victoria sneered. "You don't understand anything. My mate is dead, while yours still lives. How could you possibly know what I'm going through?"

To her surprise, Kate gave her an apologetic look. "You're right. I don't understand...not to that extent."

Spare me your pity.

"Bella is still the reason he died."

"He died because he was idiotic enough to bait seven vampires!" The blonde snarled, no longer sympathetic. "His death was his own doing." Her fingertips sparked. "And if Edward hadn't killed him, then I would have! Take your revenge out on Edward. Or take your revenge out on me, you coward. My death would hurt Bella far more than you can imagine."

For a moment she thought about attacking Kate. For James's death to be so trivial was insulting. He was a great tracker, a strong vampire, and the most loving mate she could ask for.

She had lingered around the dance studio when she had left. Only long enough to hear his screams as he was ripped apart by Edward and his family.

Another scream haunts me. Hilda. Mary. Noela. Her hands curled into fists. Anne. James. And of course, Heidi had remained unscathed, the treasonous bitch.

She's untouchable now. Focus on what matters. Focus on avenging James.

Victoria hadn't been fooled by her mate's self-assurance, not even he could win against that many vampires, but she had wanted to believe so badly that he would be alright. Even though she knew he wouldn't be.

She had been terrified. Heartbroken. She knew she couldn't stay there, and only allowed herself to mourn when she was far from Forks.

Bella had attracted her mate's attention. She had awakened his desire to hunt. She found she didn't care if Edward was affected by her death, she still wanted her dead. And she still looks so much like her...she snapped out of her thoughts when her skin was once again pricked with discomfort.

Now that I think about it. Kate looks familiar too. She wondered if that's why the blonde unsettled her so much. Not only because she was dangerous. But because she was familiar. Do I know her? Have our paths crossed? She couldn't remember. If I can't remember then she must not matter.

The redhead smiled tersely at her. "You'll find I'm very unmoved by your little speech. I've never been burdened by pride, so your claims of my cowardice have no effect on me." Kate snarled at that and this made her laugh. "I know what I am. And I know what I want."

Kate bared her teeth at that. "Clearly, what you want is to die. Just as James did." Her eyes widened and a hiss escaped her. Stop that. She's baiting you. This is a fight you can't win.

She forced herself to relax ever so slightly, only standing on her toes as Kate rushed towards her again. I won't be baited. I'm smarter than that.

Which reminds me...

"Where is Bella? I haven't seen her in so long." She slipped beneath Kate's punch and laughed. "I miss her. We were really close when she was human." This made the blonde snarl and lunge at her. Victoria danced out of the way with ease. "I'm willing to bet I made her scream far louder than you ever could-"

A firm hand had managed to entangle in long, red hair. Victoria hissed as she was swung around and slammed into a large rock. The impact was so strong it cracked her skin, and she could feel strands of red hair being ripped from her scalp as she managed to wriggle free.

She was reeling from the pain, surprised that Kate had managed to lay a hand on her. Leave. Leave now. She slipped beneath Kate's legs as she attempted to pounce on her, rolling to her feet and darting into the forest.

The warrior gave chase. And just as she always did, Victoria escaped.

---

Irina felt nervous as the large grey wolf met her at the border. Though, her nerves mixed with excitement when large brown eyes brightened at the sight of her.

The grey wolf's head bowed and her ears lowered. The vampire couldn't help but smile slightly at the sight of her tail wagging. I guess we share the same nervous excitement.

Irina had always been a hopeless romantic. Spending countless years with Bela and Katrina had only intensified her desire to find her mate. She had thought she could find that in Laurent. At that point, it had been desperation, a desire to no longer be alone, and a sense of hopelessness at not having found her mate yet.

But seeing Leah, her beautiful brown skin and black hair and dark eyes, she could have sworn her heart started beating again. It made her wonder if this is what it felt like to be alive.

This was their first meeting since Leah, Seth, and Paul had visited their house. And while Irina had been more than aggravated with her mate's treatment of her newborn, she couldn't stop the pull that their mate and imprint bond had created.

But it's not something I can't allow to continue.

Irina looked away as Leah shifted back, waiting until she was clothed before looking at her again. She's so tall. It didn't help that Irina was rather short. She only went to Leah's chest.

"Hello."

Leah stared at her. "Hey." Awkward silence engulfed them and, to her surprise, Leah broke it first. "Paul said that I should be honest with you." Her hand fiddled with the hem of her shirt. "A vampire killed my dad and...I've hated them ever since." She looked away from her. "I know you're not all the same but..."

"I understand." Leah looked up at her in surprise. "My maker…my mother, was killed by vampires. After that, I hated a lot of my own kind."

The shifter winced. "That's awful." She shifted awkwardly on her feet. "I'm sorry about your mom."

"I'm sorry about your dad."

She knew they wouldn't go more in-depth about it. Not yet. They were still essentially strangers, and something told Irina that Leah seldom opened up without a bit of prying.

"Thanks." Leah took a step forward before stopping. "Um...do you want to sit?" They both sat across from each other, and silence engulfed them once again.

Irina settled herself and looked Leah in the eyes. Now is the time to show my teeth. Because as much as she wanted things to work out with her mate, she couldn't ignore Leah's poor treatment of Bella.

"Bella is my sister." She spoke firmly. Not to intimidate but to show strength. "She has never harmed a human. She has never been, and she never will be, a monster." Leah looked away from her. "If this is going to work, you need to apologize, and you need to think very carefully about what you say to her."

The shifter swallowed thickly, still unable to meet her gaze. "I know. I was an ass."

Irina scowled at that. "Well, at least you acknowledge it." She crossed her arms over her chest. "You treated her more coldly than you did my other sisters. She was your friend, she reached out to you to fix your relationship. Why would you treat her like that?"

Leah gritted her teeth, anger replaced guilt. "I'm working on it."

The vampire nearly growled at that. "That's not what I asked."

"Can we please talk about something else?"

"There's nothing else to talk about until you answer what I asked." Irina snapped, standing to her feet in her anger. "I need to know what to make of you."

The shifter was on her feet almost as quickly. "Who gives a shit about my reasoning! So long as I don't do it again, why does it matter!"

"Because I've been deceived by someone I loved!" She snarled, teeth bared and hands curling into fists. "He lied to my face about changing for the better and I was stupid enough to believe him!" Leah's eyes widened in shock but Irina wasn't finished. "I can't go through that again, Leah, I refuse to." When the shifter only stared at her she growled in frustration, feeling more vulnerable than she had in years. "It was Laurent."

Leah was slack-jawed. "The leech that-"

"Yes, the vampire that nearly killed Bella." She looked away from her. "He found us in Alaska, said he wanted to change his diet. So we took him in, he told me he loved me, I fell in love, and then he left without a word." Her eyes burned with tears. With grief and humiliation and hatred. "Then Tanya and I found him in Forks...torturing my sister and..." Irina looked up at the shifter, eyes turning black. "I fucking killed him."

I'd rather die than let anything happen to my newborn.

She heard Leah's heart rate increase. The wolf radiated nervous energy. Yet brown eyes were filled with compassion.

"Oh."

"And that is why your reasoning and your intentions matter. I blindly trusted a monster, and I will never make that mistake again."

Leah shifted uncomfortably, pulse still thundering beneath her skin as she met Irina's gaze. "I struggle being around Bella because she didn't want to be a vampire...and I guess one of my biggest fears would be that the Cullens would come back, she'd let them bite her, and she'd forget about us." She ran a hand through dark locks and sighed. "And I'm still resentful about my dad's death. And...I don't know. But I don't want to be this way. I miss Bella, and I hate that I'm hurting her. She doesn't deserve that."

Irina eyed her for a moment, grateful for her honesty. "No, she doesn't." She relaxed slightly, feeling better now knowing that Leah's behavior wasn't all based on spite. She seemed confused with her own emotions, but so long as she was actively trying to make things right with Bella, Irina decided she didn't need to push.

They're quiet again when Leah says, "The Laurent thing...that really sucks." Irina could make out the tinge of red in her cheeks. "Wait, shit I'm not very good at this." She muttered awkwardly. "What I meant to say was, I'm sorry Laurent did that to you. I, uh, I kinda understand what it's like to be let down like that."

She looked at her curiously. "You do?"

Leah cracked a smile at her. "Do you have the time to listen to a long-winded rant about my ex-fiance?" The shifter sat back down on the forest floor and Irina followed suit. The moon was high in the sky and the only noise around them was the rustling of nocturnal animals.

Irina looked at her mate, unable to suppress her own smile as the shifter looked at her earnestly. "You're excited to talk about the person that broke your heart?"

This made the wolf scowl. "What–no! I'm just happy to be..." she sighed and grumbled, "Talking to you is nice...even though you're kind of intense." Warmth filled her chest and she had to stop herself from cooing at how cute the shifter was.

Instead, the vampire laughed. "And talking to you is nice, even though you're kind of grumpy." They didn't end up talking about Leah's ex, choosing to banter with each other instead and keep the conversation light.

They didn't talk much longer that night. Taking it slow meant short conversations. It meant not overwhelming each other due to their differing species.

Irina had always been a hopeless romantic. Being mated to one of her natural enemies was so reminiscent of Romeo and Juliet that she couldn't help but almost swoon from the very thought of it.

She knew Tanya and Kate would give her hell for the comparison; while Bella. despite her tense relationship with Leah, would be just as giddy as she was.

And as Irina waved goodbye to Leah she couldn't help but skip home. Her bright smile never left her face.

---

Despite the Cullens returning things felt somewhat normal. When Bella had returned the Cullens had moved out, leaving their possessions behind and moving a few miles away. To where Bella wasn't sure. She didn't ask. She didn't wish to seek them out.

The only two who remained were Rosalie and Alice, who spent half her time at the house and the other half with presumably Jasper at the other house. Meanwhile, Rosalie treaded tentatively, seldom leaving the garage unless she was out hunting or visiting Emmett.

After returning from the alternate dimension Bella spent even more time with Irina, much to Kate's slight annoyance. She hadn't meant to become so clingy with her maker but she couldn't help it.

Irina had assured Kate that it was a maker thing. In times of great stress, newborns would cling to their makers for comfort, and it's why Bella had hardly been anywhere without Irina.

She hadn't told her family where she had gone. She would, eventually, but everyone was so on edge already with everything that was happening that she decided to wait. But the idea of Irina being dead was one that haunted her. It made her restless.

Who comes after us? What if I screw this up? What if-

"Bella?" She shook herself out of her daze and looked to see kate staring at her. "Are you alright? Is it the voices?"

This was the first time in days Bella had allowed Kate to separate her from Irina. Her mate had insisted on some alone time, which consisted of Ghost as well, and Bella knew it was the least she could do.

"Just thinking about how glad I am to be here." She said, not untruthfully. The other dimension was one she would never want to visit again.

Her mate smiled at her. "I'm glad to be here too."

Bella grinned at her before she waved the stick in front of Ghost's face, laughing as the wolf pup yipped happily and wagged his tail. She threw the stick, watching as the white wolf streaked forward, moving more swiftly on large paws.

Kate stood next to Bella, arms crossed and brow furrowed as Ghost brought the stick back. "This is insulting. Our son's a wolf, not a dog."

She took the stick from him and rolled her eyes at Kate. "It's good exercise for him." Ghost barked, sticking his butt into the air and wiggling his body excitedly as he waited for Bella to throw the stick. "And look at how happy he is." She cooed, reaching out and scratching beneath his chin.

Kate sighed, a small smile gracing her lips as she looked in between the two. "You're both very cute...and small."

Bella frowned, throwing the stick before crossing her arms over her chest. "Small? You and I are the same height."

"Wrong."

"Like hell," she huffed, moving closer to her mate. "See, we're eye-level!"

"Really?" Kate hummed. "I feel as though I'm looking down at you. Have you always been this short?"

Bella reached out, grabbing Kate's hips and yanking her closer. Her eyes narrowed in concentration as she put her hand on top of Kate's head. "You're such a little shit, we're the same height-" her mate slipped her arms around her neck and pulled her into a searing kiss.

She purred, fingers digging into her hips as she deepened the kiss. They were both interrupted by Ghost yipping at them, standing on his hind legs, and stretching his paws up on Bella's waist. The brunette pulled away with a soft laugh while the blonde grumbled in slight annoyance.

"Can't you see I'm trying to woo your mother?"

Bella shot her an amused smile. "That's what that was? I thought you were just being annoying."

"Well," Kate rocked up on her tiptoes and gave her a cocky smile. "I'm still taller."

Bella got on her tiptoes as well. "Not anymore." Ghost whined and pawed at Kate's thigh.

The warrior groaned and released Bella. "Fine." She picked up his stick and launched it far into the forest. Ghost barked happily and launched himself deeper into the woods. Kate moved to kiss her again but Bella couldn't help but look after the pup worriedly. "Bellaaaaaa." She groaned, lips falling to her neck. "Pay attention to me."

"You threw that really far." She complained. "What if he gets lost?" Her complaints died in her throat when sharp teeth nipped at her jaw.

"He won't get lost."

Bella inhaled sharply at the feeling of wandering hands. "H-Hey. He's going to come back and you're going to complain…" a purr rumbled in her chest as Kate nuzzled into her neck.

She wrapped her arms around her waist and sighed. "Will I ever get you alone?" Kate had been more affectionate than usual, more handsy and suggestive. Of course, Bella was more than receptive to her advances, but with the threat of Victoria and the arrival of the Cullens, there wasn't exactly a place for them to be alone.

The time traveler couldn't help but smirk. "Well, Katrina and I get plenty of alone time together."

Her mate growled at that, clutching her tighter and grumbling angrily, "That's cheating. I'm dying but you're able to pop into the past on a whim and have sex."

Bella laughed, rubbing her warrior's back. "I can't go to the past whenever I want-"

"You know what I mean!" The crunch of leaves and steady panting of Ghost alerted them to his return. "I love our son. I do. But I wish he could take a hint."

"Maybe you're being too subtle."

"I think you're right." Kate laughed, before looking down at Ghost. "I want to fuck your mother. Please give us space." He tilted his head at her, dropping the stick and whining when no one picked it up. "My sweet son, could you please go play somewhere else so that I can eat your mother's-"

"Kate!"

"What! He doesn't know what I'm saying!" The two stared at each other before bursting into a fit of giggles.

"You're so dumb." Bella was taken to the ground, pinned loosely to the forest floor by Kate.

"Oh yeah? And what does that make you for loving someone so dumb?" She teased, watching with bright eyes as Ghost ran over to them.

Bella smiled as Ghost jumped on Kate's leg, squirming so he was in between her and Bella before laying on her stomach. "It makes me...the smart one."

"Oh, please."

The scent of roses washed over them and Ghost perked up. He jumped off of Bella's stomach and barked happily as he ran to Rosalie. The blonde greeted him with a smile and she crouched to pet him.

She held one hand behind her back and used her free one to ruffle his fur. "I didn't think you'd grow on me, but you did." She murmured before standing straight. "I don't mean to interrupt-"

"Then don't!" Kate snapped, tightening her hands possessively on Bella. However, the shield shifted, slipping out from underneath Kate and staring at her estranged friend.

"What is it?"

Her mate grumbled under her breath but didn't interject. Bella wasn't sure what happened between Kate and Rosalie. Tanya said their coven got into a fight with the Denali's, but she hadn't gone into specifics. And Bella had told her she wasn't ready to hear about it, not yet.

"Bella, may I speak to you, please?" Rosalie sounded nervous, and she didn't even try to mask it with a look of indifference.

Bella eyed her warily. "Our last conversation didn't go so well."

Gold eyes looked away from her. "No...it didn't." She released a shaky breath before removing her hands from behind her back. "But I'd like to make it up to you...if you'd let me." She held a bag of microwavable popcorn.

Bella's eyes widened.

"You want to go to a movie with me?" Swan asked, voice colored with surprise.

"Well, you love movies and…" Rosalie huffed. "It's not because I like you."

She blinked, trying to drown out the voices. "Make it up to me?" She wanted to stay firm in her anger, but her friend's vulnerability was making it difficult.

"Can we please talk?"

Kate growled under her breath but she watched Bella closely. She wouldn't step in unless Bella wanted her to.

The time traveler gave her mate a reassuring look. "I'll be back."

The warrior glared at Rosalie before taking Bella's hand and kissing her knuckles. "Take your time. I'll keep our restless son entertained." She smiled at her before turning to Rosalie and following her to the house.

There was no one home except the two of them. Did she ask them all to leave?

When they walked in Bella decided to break the silence. "I already told you, I want nothing to do with the Cullens." However, she couldn't pretend that she hadn't missed Rosalie and Alice's company.

"How long are you going to keep this up?" Swan laughed. "I know you like me. You even let me sleep in your room!"

"Well, I suppose it's a good thing that I'm a Hale." Bella hated that she was somewhat endeared by that comment.

She watched as Rosalie put the popcorn in the microwave. "I don't remember what popcorn tastes like. I'm not sure how this is supposed to change anything."

Rosalie winced, shifting awkwardly as she stood before her. "Yes, well, that's something we have in common. I haven't had popcorn in a century." The blonde took a deep breath before continuing. "I'm trying to be better. I'm trying to be vulnerable. I understand if you'd no longer wish to speak to me. What I said was awful and untrue."

"Then why did you say it?"

She frowned, maintaining eye contact but clearly unsettled. "I was...frustrated with you." Rosalie sighed and shook her head. "No. I was furious with you. I've always been too harsh towards you. I thought it was my way of helping you grow a spine...but really it was me being cruel because of my own insecurities."

Rosalie paused, finally tearing her gaze away from Bella's surprised one. "You're...what do you have to be insecure about? You're..." she gestured at her. "You know. You're you."

Rosalie was one of the most beautiful vampires Bella had ever seen. She was sharp and intimidating and strong. It was difficult to imagine her feeling insecure about anything. Maybe if there were vampires more beautiful than her. The Denali's rivaled her beauty, but they didn't surpass it.

And while lately, Rosalie had been more difficult to read, emotions constantly changing due to her pursuit of self-betterment, Bella had always admired how firm Rosalie was. Miniscule things could set her off, but she was always strong in her convictions and morals.

The blonde smiled slightly. "I've missed those awkward compliments of yours." The warmth in her voice faded away as she continued. "Besides my beauty, there's nothing special about me. I'm very vain, I always have been, but I had thought I was a bit less shallow until you came along."

"This isn't sounding like an apology." This made Rosalie laugh, and Bella couldn't help smile.

"I'm getting there if you can believe it." She hummed, smile dropping as she continued to speak. "When you were a human, like everyone else, you were in awe of my beauty. But even when you became used to my presence you still admired me. Even when I was terrible to you, you didn't hold it against me. You were amazed by the little aspects of who I was and that meant everything to me. You loved me for who I was, even though you deserved far better from me."

Rosalie's brow furrowed. "When you said those things about me...it hurt because it was true. I was furious with you for not behaving like human Bella." Discomfort leaked into her voice and she tensed. "Before your eighteenth birthday...I had done something to push you away. You insisted it wasn't me, but how could it not have been?"

Swan told Rosalie to let go.

"And when you were angry with me...when you were saying all these things that were true...I felt like I was losing you all over again." She swallowed thickly and looked away from her. "I was hurt, I was scared to be vulnerable but that's no excuse for what I said." Rosalie met her gaze again, no longer fidgeting but now standing with renewed confidence. "I thought that, because I was trying to be better, that I was entitled to your friendship and your forgiveness. And I'm so sorry."

Bella was stunned by the confession. She didn't know what to say. She was struggling to process Rosalie's blatant honesty about her own feelings. Any rage that lingered was beginning to subside, but Bella knew that she couldn't simply forget what Rosalie had said.

I need to remember how awful she made me feel. What she said needs to be a reminder to both myself and her so that it won't happen again.

"Thank you for your honesty...but I'm still not over what you said." She told her truthfully. "You made me feel like nothing, Rose. I hated Swan and...I'm coming to terms with the fact that we're the same person." She shifted uncomfortably under Rosalie's stare. "I don't like fighting with you. And I don't like when you're mean to me."

We need to communicate with each other. That's the only way our friendship will last. She was grateful for Kate's insistence on communication.

Her friend nodded, eyes filled with remorse. "I don't like fighting with you either...you're my best friend. I'm sorry I ever made you feel otherwise." Rosalie hesitantly reached out her hand. "I don't like being mean to you. It never makes me feel better, only worse. I want to be a good friend to you." Shame etched itself on her features. "I want to do right by you."

Bella stared at the outstretched hand for a moment before she took it. "I want you to be honest with me. If I'm doing something that bothers you, tell me, even if you think it's ridiculous. And I'll do the same."

Rosalie stared at their interlaced fingers. "Vulnerability has always been...very difficult for me."

"I won't make you listen to the rest," Rosalie said quietly. "They left me in the street, still laughing as they stumbled away. They thought I was dead."

Bella clenched her jaw, unnerved by the pain in her friend's voice. "I...I know that." You saved me from that fate. She had known, vaguely, that something that awful had happened to Rosalie. I'm so sorry that no one saved you.

Gold eyes went cold. Not filled with cruelty. Not filled with anything. Rosalie was despondent, her grip on Bella's hand slackened but neither one let go.

"Do you?"

"I waited in the road to die. It was cold, there was so much pain that I was surprised it bothered me. It started to snow, and I wondered why I wasn't dying. I was impatient for death to come, to end the pain. It was taking so long…"

Bella had never experienced crying before. Not as a human. Not that she could remember. She had seen Katrina cry, felt her hot tears soak through the collar of her shirt as she held her close. Vampires couldn't cry. Their eyes would burn and water, but no tears could fall.

But as she stared at her friend's dull eyes and tense form, she could have sworn she felt water roll down her cheeks. If only for a moment.

"I do."

Rosalie nodded stiffly. "Very well," her grip on her hand tightened ever so slightly. "I will tell you now what I told you then." She straightened, looking more relaxed as she spoke. "Despite what I said, I have never pitied you. You are more than your tragedies, just as I am. So I expect you to spare your pity as well."

She looked away from her. "And my sadness? Would you like me to spare that too?"

"That would be preferable. I appreciate that you care but...I don't like thinking about that night." Her friend was quiet for a moment before she spoke. "As I said, being vulnerable is very difficult for me. But I've been trying, and I would like to keep trying," she smiled wryly at her, "If you wouldn't mind being patient with me."

Bella nodded slowly, pushing her sadness aside for both of their sakes. "Alright, but I'm expecting better from you now, okay?" She gave her a serious look. "That means you can't say whatever you want to me just because you're angry." Rosalie had the bag of popcorn in her hand in a flash.

The blonde then smiled. "Thank you for giving me another chance. A spine looks good on you." She began pulling her towards the garage, though Bella expected it was so Rosalie could hide her face from her by looking forward. "I'm assuming you'll watch the movie with me?"

Bella allowed herself to be dragged along. "Yes, but only because you obviously missed me. This is not because I like you."

A tinkling laugh escaped Rosalie, and bright eyes peered back at her. "I did miss you."

She blinked in surprise at the confession. "Well, I missed you too."

While Bella had meant to ask Rosalie why they were going to the garage to watch a movie, she was now glad she had decided to wait to see for herself.

A projector sat at the back of the garage, hooked up to a laptop and currently projecting a paused image of the Universal Pictures logo. All of Rosalie's fancy cars were faced in the direction of the projection.

In the middle was an old school looking red convertible. The top was down and in the drink holders sat two cans of sprite.

"It was your soda of choice when you were human." Rosalie explained, "That's probably changed now but…" she sighed, sounding a little on edge as she spoke. "You love movies, but you can't really experience a movie theatre, at least not yet. So I thought about borrowing some movie theatre seats-"

"Borrowing movie theatre seats? You mean stealing!"

Rosalie scowled at her. "No, I mean borrowing. I have no use for those wretched looking chairs, I would return them after the movie." She huffed. "It was only so you'd have the proper movie theatre experience." She then rolled her eyes, though a small smile played on her lips. "But I'm Rosalie Hale, and I'm above property damage." She gestured at the cars. "And you had once mentioned always wanting to go to a drive-in theatre so I-" Bella slammed into her, hugging her tight and making Rosalie laugh breathlessly. "I take it you like it?"

"I love it." Bella felt something tugging at her mind, a memory? A voice? She couldn't be sure. But she knew that she didn't want to experience it. Not now. Not when the present would undoubtedly provide her with better memories.

When Rosalie started the movie Bella gasped in delight. "Pitch Perfect 2!" She grinned broadly as Rosalie sat next to her in the driver's seat. "I thought you said we wouldn't-"

"It was the first and only movie you and I saw together in theatres." Her friend looked straight ahead, only moving to set the popcorn in between them. "After that...we had problems," I told her to let go. "That's why I didn't want to watch it." She cleared her throat and relaxed in her seat. "Well, that and it's also a terrible movie."

She thought about telling Rosalie that she remembered the conversation. But the day had already been heavy enough, and it was obvious that the blonde wasn't in the mood to discuss their falling out.

"I don't think I can trust your judgment." Bella hummed, reaching out and grabbing a handful of popcorn. "You didn't like the first one, and it's amazing." She shoved the popcorn into her mouth and her face scrunched up in displeasure.

"Well, I couldn't enjoy the first one." Rosalie griped. "Someone kept talking." She noticed Bella's look of disgust as she chewed on the popcorn and she frowned. "If you throw up in this car I'll never forgive you."

It tasted bland and greasy and it was an unpleasant experience to feel the mushed up food slide down her throat. She reached for a sprite and took a big drink that nearly made her gag. The carbonation was overwhelming and unfamiliar, and the taste was bitter in her mouth.

Rosalie smirked at her reaction. "The popcorn and soda were supposed to be props. It was supposed to pull the drive-in movie theatre together."

Bella grimaced at the lingering taste in her mouth before she scowled at her. "I'm glad you're amused."

"You're far more entertaining than this dreadful movie," she teased, "Though, I suppose that's not saying much."

She smiled smugly at that and crossed her arms over her chest. "That's no way to talk to your best friend, is it, Rose?"

The blonde's face soured and she rolled her eyes. "Shut up. This entire conversation stays between us."

Bella leaned back in her seat and sighed dramatically. "Fine." But she had no intention of keeping their best friendship a secret. "Thanks for all this. It's really nice."

Rosalie smiled at her before relaxing in her seat. She offered a quiet 'it was nothing' before she turned her attention to the movie. She remained quiet as Bella soaked everything in.

Seeing a movie on the projector was amazing. She felt a bit small in comparison and was completely engrossed in the movie. The only light from the garage came from the movie, the darkness made the experience feel more personal than when she watched a movie on the television.

Bella loved every second of it. Pitch Perfect 2 was certainly disappointing compared to the first one, but she was enjoying herself all the same.

At one point her eyes widened and she sat upright in her seat. "Chloe totally likes Beca-" the room around her began to distort.

No longer was she in the garage but an actual movie theatre. Her eyes widened in surprise as she looked around. The world around her was dull to her eyes. Even the once vibrant, popping colors she saw on screen now looked faded and washed out.

"Bella." She turned her head to see Rosalie staring at her with a raised brow. "You're humming again."

Her cheeks burned and she slouched in her seat. "Sorry." She tapped her thumb against her index finger. "The songs are just-" a cold hand took hers, making her stop fidgeting. Her eyes widened slightly and she felt her heart thunder in her chest.

A small smile appeared on Rosalie's lips. "Don't feel embarrassed now. You've been humming for half the movie."

What she felt was wrong, and she knew she should feel ashamed. But looking at Rosalie, seeing her gentle smile and warm gold eyes, and knowing that she was able to evoke such a beautiful thing; made her shame subside.

'How could it be wrong to love making her smile? How could it be wrong to love having her smile directed at me?'

She thought about how that smile would feel on her own lips. She thought about how it would make her smile in turn, wide and joyful, and how Rosalie would call her stupid for being excited over something so 'trivial' before she kissed her again.

"You're staring." Rosalie's voice dragged her from her thoughts, and shame began to devour her. This was Edward's sister. Emmett's mate. Her friend. How could she possibly think of her like that? How was she any better than the other men that lusted over Rosalie Hale?

This was wrong. Bella finally tore her gaze away from Rosalie's face, heart clenching painfully in her chest. This is all wrong. Rosalie deserved better from her. She had screwed up and she had to tell her. She had to apologize. She had to be honest.

'A nice thought. But you've always been a coward.' Brown eyes met gold. 'If I told her she'd be disgusted. I'm a girl. I'm just the clumsy human who's dating her brother. The clumsy human who's best friends with her mate.'

Her stomach churned. A part of her knew she would chicken out. But she had to try. She had to get this off her chest. At least then Rosalie would stay away from her and she could get her feelings in check.

When they left the movie Bella pulled Rosalie aside. "Rose...I have to tell you something." Her heart hammered in her chest and she felt her hands become clammy.

She thought about her dream girl. Her blonde warrior who had saved her so many times in her dreams. Bella knew she was fake. But when Rosalie saved her from those men she couldn't help but compare the two.

Rosalie was very different compared to her dream girl. She was serious and harsh. She wouldn't be caught dead holding a sword. Her hair looked like it was spun from gold while her warrior's hair was a pale blonde.

But both her warrior and Rosalie protected her. They cared about her. They were strong and aggressive in their own ways but could be so gentle when it came to her. They made her smile. They made her happy.

'But my warrior isn't real and Rosalie has a mate.'

"Bella?" The concern in her friend's eyes made her even more nervous. Her thumb tapped rapidly against her index finger and a cold hand reached out and gently grabbed hers. "What's wrong?"

Her cheeks burned and she swallowed thickly. 'I have to tell her the truth. I can't keep pretending.'

She opened her mouth to confess when the thought of Renee crossed her mind. She thought of how ashamed she would be knowing her daughter had a perfectly nice and handsome boyfriend, but gave him up for his sister.

His sister who was happily mated and married. If Bella told Rosalie how she felt, she would tell Emmett, and they would tell Edward.

'I'd no longer be welcome within the family. I'd lose Edward and Rosalie and Emmett and Carlisle…' her breath hitched. 'I'd lose Esme.'

Esme loved how happy Bella made her children. She would ruin everything by confessing her feelings for Rosalie. She couldn't take that risk.

She couldn't lose the only woman that had ever been a mother to her.

"Hey," brown eyes met gold. "Whatever it is, you can tell me. Or, we don't have to talk about it yet." She assured her because that's how Rosalie was. She could be cruel and cutting but she knew when to apply pressure and when to be gentle.

Bella's eyes watered. She didn't deserve Rosalie. She didn't deserve Edward. But she could try to be deserving of him. He was always so patient with her, even accepting her attraction for women, despite her vehemently denying it.

She knew she had to let Rosalie go. At least, until her unnatural feelings went away. For a moment she grappled with her selfishness. With her desire to keep Rosalie close and never let her go. But she knew better.

"I…"

"I loved you." Bella breathed, staring at Rosalie in shock. Those feelings no longer remained. Not when her love for Kate was so delightfully overwhelming and all-encompassing. That's why I told her to let go. That's why I stopped being her friend.

Rosalie frowned at her. "I thought I made it clear that I loved you as well." She didn't know. But it all made sense.

Bella shook her head vehemently. "No, I…" would this change anything? Would she see me differently? "I was in love with you, Rose. When I was human."

Gold eyes widened. "What?"

"That's why we stopped being friends." She murmured, looking away from the blonde. "She...I couldn't handle being in love with you. I was guilty and ashamed of my feelings."

Rosalie sat back in her seat, eyes wide and mouth slightly agape. "How…" she was at a loss for words, and Bella was as well. She remembered how flustered she was around Rosalie after she saved her from those men. But she had chalked it up to nerves and adrenaline.

An awkward laugh tumbled from her lips. "Yeah...I was scared to tell you. I thought I would ruin everything and that you would hate me and that your family would hate me and that Esme would be disappointed in me-"

"Hey," Rosalie placed a hand on hers. "I could never hate you." She sighed and looked away from her. "To tell you the truth I'm...surprised. Flattered, even."

Bella cracked a smile at that. "I'm sure you are."

"My vanity is a curse," Rosalie mused, softening ever so slightly as she looked at Bella again. "But you never treated me as though my looks were all I had to offer. You're a lot like Emmett in that sense." She became quiet for a moment before speaking again. "Your love was not something I deserved, but it was something I appreciated, despite being oblivious to it."

"Don't talk like that, Rose. We had our problems...but of all the Cullens, you were the one that reminded me the most of Katrina. You took good care of me."

"I could have done better."

"You could have."

Rosalie swallowed thickly, staring at their hands and allowing a timid smile. "Don't take this the wrong way. I very much love Emmett just as you very much love Kate." She paused before continuing. "Were we not mated...I think I could have really loved you."

Bella's eyebrows shot upward. "What?"

Her friend looked away from her. "I said not to take it the wrong way."

"I-I'm not." She stammered, unable to tear her gaze away from Rosalie's now annoyed stare.

"It seems like you are."

"I'm just...I didn't think you liked women...or that you could like me that much."

A small laugh escaped the blonde, annoyance replaced by amusement. "Beauty is beauty, Bella. My admiration has never been confined by gender, though, maybe it's been tainted by jealousy." She admitted. "I loved you in a way I had never loved a human. I loved your personality, despite your timidness. I loved your humanity. I understood how Edward fell in love with you...and I think it's very plausible that I could have done the same."

The tension drained from Bella's body and she slumped back in her seat, staring blankly at the movie neither of them were watching. She thought of how elated Swan would be to hear Rosalie say that. Of how her heart would burst from her chest and her cheeks would burn red and her eyes would water and her palms would sweat.

But hearing that now didn't evoke such a reaction. She couldn't even find it in her to be flustered.

A wry smile appeared on her lips as she continued to stare at the movie. "And now? With my humanity gone, could you find yourself feeling the same?"

Rosalie pondered this for a moment before sighing. "You're still you. Just a little dead." A quiet laugh slipped from her lips. "But I'd never be able to love you the way Kate does. I don't think anyone could."

Bella nodded. "I can't imagine a love that isn't hers. Everything else would feel so shallow in comparison." Shaking the thought away she offered a small smile. "This must be very embarrassing for you to admit." Rosalie gave her a questioning look and Bella's smile turned smug. "You admitting to being able to fall for a human, I mean. A very pitiful one at that."

Rosalie smiled faintly at her. "Oh, it's humiliating." She then frowned. "Does Kate know…" she trailed off, eyes widening slightly. "Well, that would explain her jealousy."

Bella looked at her in confusion. "How would she know? I didn't even know, and neither did anyone else."

"I'm quite certain Jasper and Alice knew." She mused. "You gave pieces of yourself to each of us. Secrets that would slip out, or you would confide in one of us when you felt comfortable. And we all kept them." Red nails tapped against the steering wheel. "Jasper's an empath. I wouldn't be surprised if he picked up on your emotions. And you can't lie to save your life, so I'm sure Alice interrogated you whenever she had the chance."

She looked at her friend curiously. "How didn't you know?"

Rosalie huffed at that. "No one knew except Alice and Jasper, I'm sure of it. If Edward knew he would have thrown a fit and sulked. Or he'd have been melodramatic about only wanting you to be happy." She waved her hand as though she were swatting at a fly. "Somehow the mind reader was clueless...but Kate wasn't."

It would explain why she's so touchy whenever Rosalie and I are together. But she has no reason to be jealous...and she would have told me if she knew...right?

"And if that's the case," Rosalie continued, a hint of a smile on her lips as she held up their interlaced fingers, "I'm sure this would drive her mad."

"This is funny to you?"

"Hilarious, actually." She hummed, eyes filled with mirth. "I'm very petty, Bella. But I'm sure you know that about me by now." Rosalie's smile never wavered. "For years that wild vampire has gotten under my skin. It's nice to know that so much as a glance in your direction is enough to infuriate her. I'm flattered that she thinks I'm a threat." Bella stared at her and the blonde sighed. "I said I was trying to be better."

"Not very hard."

"I resent that."

Bella laughed and let go of her hand. "Well, we can't be sure that she knows how I felt. Not unless we ask...but even then, she would have told me." Our relationship is built on communication. Honesty. She would have told me.

Rosalie rolled her eyes. "That's not something many people would be willing to admit to their partner with amnesia, Bella." She opened the car door and stepped out. "Let's check your room." She suggested. "Kate's made a couple of trips there. Maybe she read your diary."

Bella blanched. "Swan had a diary?"

She hastily followed Rosalie who gave her an amused smirk. "If you had a diary, I didn't know about it. But now I'm very eager to learn if you wrote any sappy poetry about me." Rosalie darted out of the house with Bella close on her heels.

"Hey! Maybe I should look first!"

A carefree laugh echoed in the forest as they raced to Bella's room. "Oh, I don't think so!" Despite her slight nervousness Bella couldn't help but smile at her friend's playful behavior.

"Rose! Leave it alone!"

"This is about me, I have the right to know!"

"You don't have the right to my private thoughts!"

"Do me a favor and lecture Edward about that!"

"You're the worst!"

Rosalie scaled her house with ease, slipping into her window and grinning by the time Bella made it to her side. The brunette was laughing a bit breathlessly, feeling better about the cleared air between her and Rosalie.

Bella held her breath while Rosalie looked around the room. The blonde inhaled deeply and an eyebrow raised.

"Kate. Charlie. Leah. Paul." She sniffed again. "And the faintest trace of Carmen."

She bristled at that. "Why...ugh whatever." She crossed her arms over her chest. "So Kate's been here."

Rosalie looked at the dresser before darting in front of it and opening the top drawer with a snort. "Of course." Bella peeked over her shoulder and an embarrassed yelp escaped her.

"She was in my underwear drawer!"

Rosalie closed it with an eye-roll. "She's literally seen you naked." Oh. Right.

"Well...it's still not very polite!" A small smile appeared on her lips. "How would she like it if I went through her underwear?"

"The little freak would probably get off on that." She muttered, turning to her desk and opening the top drawer. "This would be the most obvious place for a…oh…" she pulled out pictures Bella had drawn. She held up a picture and handed it to her. "She must have found these. Her scent is all over the desk."

Bella stared at the drawing. She had put so much detail and effort into it, so much care and precision in Rosalie's face. The next few were of Rosalie too, one was colored, and she could hardly detect a mistake.

"Wow," Rosalie murmured. "You...wow." She then frowned. "Emmett's never drawn me."

Bella stared numbly at the picture, and the gravity of the situation sunk in. "She lied."

Her friend reached out, taking the picture from her hands. "Hey," Bella looked at her. "Before you confront her, just...wait. Think things over. Think of what you want to say."

"Because you're the master at holding your tongue."

Rosalie rolled her eyes. "Down, girl. I'm just trying to help." She examined the picture again. "Just give it a day or two. You know Kate would never intentionally hurt you."

Bella sighed and nodded slowly. "You're right...I don't want to overreact...but I do want to talk to her about it."

She didn't miss how Rosalie folded up the picture and put it in her pocket. She sifted through more of the pictures before pausing, holding up one of Esme and shooting Bella a wince.

"Speaking of talking about things...maybe you should hear what Esme has to say."

---

"It's just so...disinteresting, Rose." Esme walked into the house, smiling at the girls. Bella was hunched over her homework at the kitchen table while Rosalie sat at her side.

"It's the roaring twenties, Bella."

"The boring twenties."

Rosalie lightly slapped her shoulder. "Stop being a baby and pay attention." Jasper came down the stairs, smiling as he sat on the other side of Bella.

"She was practically a child during that time. And don't bother asking her about the Great Depression. The affluent miss Hale wouldn't know a thing about the financial struggles of the lowly commoners."

Rosalie scowled at that, but the hint of a smile played on her lips. "Well, be sure you don't ask Jasper about the Civil War. I find that sore losers typically have the worst memories when it comes to history."

Bella laughed at that and Jasper smiled slightly. "You'll never let that go, will you?"

"Of course not, Major Whitlock."

Esme walked to the table, heart full at the sight of her children getting along, and she sat across from them. Bella looked up, eyes bright and a smile on her lips.

"I'm not very good at history." She told her. "I know the past matters. But it's hard to learn about when I'm not interested in it."

She looked at her curiously. "Well, what kind of history are you interested in?"

Brown eyes glazed over and Bella straightened in her seat. She flipped her paper over so she had a blank space. She began drawing, and the vampires sat in eerie silence as they watched her.

She resembled Alice in this state. Lost to the world but still present. Her eyes were fixated on her drawing, and unlike Alice, she began talking.

"I'm interested in the small things," she drew a sharp oval shape, "I'm interested in how there are infinite possibilities, and that an amalgamation of things whether it be tone of voice," she began drawing eyes, "or a conversation," next came the long hair, "or someone's appearance," then came the nose, "that can change everything."

Esme watched as Bella continued drawing the woman. Jasper looked unnerved but Rosalie acted as though nothing was out of the ordinary.

"You're interested in the small things, but not era's that currently affect the present?"

Bella hummed at that but didn't look up from her drawing. "Those are interesting, but not as interesting." She said simply, now working on the lips. "Don't you ever think about how seemingly small things make such a difference?"

Esme looked at her thoughtfully. "I had never given it much thought."

She shaded the cheeks, making them more defined. "If Paul hadn't mentioned the legend of the cold ones, I would have never discovered you were vampires." She added more definition to the eyes. "If Tyler had driven more cautiously in the parking lot, I would never have seen Edward's vampiric abilities, which led me to ask Paul about your family."

Jasper blinked in surprise. "You sound a little like Alice." He then sat back in his seat. "You're right. It's just not something I think about."

"I can't say I do either." Rosalie agreed. "Why dwell on what can't be changed?"

Bella stopped. Staring silently at the woman she drew and sucking in a shaky breath. "Because we all fixate on the past. We fixate on what we miss." Her eyes watered. "We all fixate on what we've lost." She lifted her hand and placed it over her drawing. "On what we could have done to prevent that loss."

For a moment she looked older than seventeen. She looked worn in a way Esme couldn't explain. Brown eyes flashed with a type of wisdom that only came with age. A wisdom that only came with experience. The pain in her face, and the way her hands trembled, caused Rosalie to put a hand on her shoulder.

"Bella?"

"You all live with regrets, just as she did." She spoke cryptically, allowing her tears to fall as she stared at the drawing. "But she didn't have to live with the consequences of her mistakes. Not like you will." Timeless eyes looked up at Esme. "Perhaps she's lucky in that sense."

Rosalie placed her hand over Bella's. "She is."

Esme looked at her eldest daughter with a frown. "Do you know-"

"No. And I don't ask. She doesn't remember what she says anyway...and as you all saw " She stroked Bella's knuckles with her thumb. "This happens from time to time, but it will pass."

Jasper stared at the girl for a moment before meeting Esme's gaze. "She's in a lot of pain." His brow furrowed. "Agony." He gestured to the picture. "Whoever she is...or whoever she was, Bella loved her."

Bella straightened abruptly and she stifled a sob. "Matka." She blinked rapidly and Rosalie withdrew her hand from hers. "What…" she saw the drawing and more tears fell. "Who...who is this?" She was trembling like a leaf and Jasper held his arms out to her.

"Bella, would you mind if I hugged you?" The girl stared numbly at the drawing for a moment longer before standing to her feet and throwing herself into Jasper's arms.

She rested her head on his shoulder, still trembling as she fisted his shirt. "Who is she? Why does it hurt?"

The empath hugged her gently. "I'm not sure, Bella. But I'm sorry you're hurting." Bella released a shaky breath, muttering a 'thank you' as she began to relax in his arms.

Esme looked at the girl, her heart was breaking for the strange pain she felt. "Bella, why don't we go out? We can make a day of it if you'd like." She gestured at Rosalie and Jasper. "Why don't you two come with?"

Rosalie nodded and the empath smiled. "That sounds nice." He held Bella's hand in his and walked with her towards Esme. "There's this nice little ranch south of here with beautiful horses that we can ride."

The blonde scowled at him. "Slow down there, cowboy. I'm not dirtying my heels."

"Then go change, your highness." The two started bickering, though it remained lighthearted, much to Esme's relief.

Bella smiled at her, bright and genuine. "I'll be happy to go wherever. Thank you."

"Esme." Bella's tone was flat and her gold eyes were downcast. "Rose said you wanted to speak with me." It was as though she couldn't stand to look at her, and Esme felt her eyes water.

Bella's posture was stiff, her muscles tensed, and she looked as though she were about to run away at any moment. I never wanted you to feel this way. I never should have let you feel this way.

She had been hunting when Bella tracked her down. At first, she had been elated to see her. Bella made a beautiful vampire with her dark hair and bright eyes and sharp features. But as quickly as her excitement came it had gone.

She cleared her throat, steeling herself before she spoke. "I would like to speak with you if that's alright."

"If it's an apology, I really don't want to hear it." Esme flinched at the curtness in Bella's voice. "I don't need you. I have a mother. One who loves me."

Esme tried to keep herself together as she spoke. "I understand. Carmen is a great motherly figure." She recalled too late that Carmen hadn't yet gained Bella's trust.

Bella finally looked at her, eyes filled with rage and teeth bared. "I'm not talking about Carmen! I'm talking about Sasha!" They haven't told her. Why haven't they told her?

Her eyes burned as she looked at the girl she had considered her daughter. When she sees what happens to Sasha...she'll fall apart. She'll need me. Esme clenched her jaw, trying to fight back her own sorrow. She won't want me. But I'll offer to be there.

"Of course. I'm sorry," she shook her head, "I have to tell you why I left. I don't expect you to forgive me, and I don't expect things to go back to how they were. But you deserve to know why."

Bella growled at this, eyes wet and a snarl in her voice. "Why did you have to come back at all! The memories and voices are bad enough!" Despite her anger, the newborn's voice was drenched in anguish.

It was the type of pain Esme had seen when Renee was mentioned. I was supposed to be better. I wasn't supposed to leave her. But her own urges had frightened her.

Esme remembered that night vividly. Bella had smelled so good, and her throat had burned at the sight of crimson. She had thought about ripping her throat out, drinking every drop, and lapping up the tiny blood splatters on the floor.

The thought made her stomach churn, and guilt threatened to devour her.

"I'm sorry, Bella. I'm so sorry." A sob escaped her and Bella snarled at that.

"I don't have all my memories. But I know how much you meant to Swan," her eyes burned with tears. "I know how much you meant to me." Gold eyes turned black as she glared at Esme. "I remember that night. I remember Jasper attacking me."

Esme could hear the pain in her voice. No matter how much Bella tried, she had never been good at masking her true feelings. The newborn was more hurt than she was angry, and Esme didn't know what to do with herself. She didn't know how to make things better.

How many promises have I made her? She had meant each one she had made. But I broke each one I made. All because I was afraid and ashamed. I made assumptions and never asked how Bella felt.

"I remember you standing there, staring at me as though you wanted to drain me dry." Bella continued. "You scared me. Jasper did too." She clenched her jaw, voice thick with emotion. "But you were supposed to be my mother. You promised me eternity, and then you left."

Esme was certain she had never hated herself more. "I scared myself. I wanted to tear you apart, that's why Jasper lost control. It was my fault-"

"I would have understood!"

She squeezed her eyes shut for a moment, unable to look at the betrayal that burned black eyes. "You looked so terrified of me. I thought you no longer wanted anything to do with me. You reached out to everyone but Jasper and I...and I didn't want to make things worse. I thought if I left it would be for the best."

Esme remembered brown eyes filled with fear. Face going pale and body trembling as the girl cradled her injured arm to her chest. She had recognized Bella's fear, her need for comfort and protection, but she hadn't cared.

She had only wanted to lap up her sweet blood. The girl she had come to love as much as her own children was nothing more than a food source to her. It was only after they fled the bloody scene that the horrific clarity had set in. I had been monstrous to my own daughter. I terrified her. I almost couldn't stop myself, and Jasper took the blame.

A harsh laugh escaped Bella. "That's your excuse? You thought I was better off alone? Abandoned?" Suddenly she was shoved backward. She flew into a tree trunk, and the force ripped it from its roots and brought it to the ground.

Esme rolled to her feet, startled by the attack. "Bella-"

She stalked forward, teeth bared and shoulders hunched. "Is this what you looked like that night?" She growled. "A predator? A monster?" Esme took a step back, making Bella snarl. "Do I frighten you? Do I make you want to run?" She swung her hand, catching a tree limb and making it fly in Esme's direction.

She batted it away with ease, unsettled by the newborn's aggression. "There's no excuse for my actions. I know that. I didn't want to hurt you-"

"Hurt me?" Bella hissed, reaching down and picking up a large rock. "All I wanted was for you to stay!" She threw the rock and Esme hastily ducked to avoid it. "You hurt me more than Jasper ever could!" Another rock whizzed by her head.

"I know. I know and I'm so sorry."

Bella ripped off a nearby tree limb. "You filled my head with lies." She swung at her, and this time Esme allowed the hit to make contact. The wood exploded against her cheek and she stumbled backward. "You made me think we had forever, and then you were gone!" Another tree limb broke against her stomach. "You denied me my choice!" Another shove sent Esme sailing deeper into the forest, slamming to trees and sliding across the ground.

She knew Bella wasn't trying to hurt her. No punches were thrown. No limbs were ripped from her body. Yet somehow her restraint caused Esme even more pain. She doesn't want to hurt me.

A hand gripped her throat and Esme was hoisted into the air. "You left me! You knew what Renee did to me and you still left!" The grip was only strong enough to hold her up, not strong enough to choke her, and she grabbed Bella's wrist to help support herself as she wriggled feebly in her grasp.

She knew she deserved Bella's ire, yet it hurt her all the same. Not physically. At most the blows were uncomfortable. But seeing the pain in the young vampire's eyes made tears appear in her own.

Esme hadn't thought of what her absence would do to Bella. Even with most of her memories gone, she could see the harm she had caused.

"Everything I ever did was to make you proud!" Esme went flying, crashing through the undergrowth and slamming into even more trees. "Tell me how proud you are, Esme!" Bella leaped into the air, crashing next to Esme and leaving a crater into the earth. "Tell me!" She feebly blocked the tree limb that Bella swung at her. "TELL ME!" She hoisted Esme up by her shirt and pinned her to a tree.

Bella was breathing raggedly, snarling and growling as she glowered up at Esme. The older vampire wished she could cry, if only to finally rid herself of the burning sensation behind her eyes. She felt exhausted and shameful and she knew that Bella's attack was not only justified, but it was very merciful.

"I...I have always been proud of you." She murmured. "From the first moment you walked into our house, nervous to meet our family, not nervous to meet vampires, I've been proud." Bella's anger faltered. "I loved you. I love you."

"Stop it." She growled, voice strained and eyes watery. "I was your pet."

Esme placed her hands on the fists that were keeping her pinned. "I had lost my firstborn during childbirth." She continued, finally pushing as she should have done months ago. "I didn't want to leave you. But I thought it would be better for you to be alive and away from me than to risk harming you-"

"Shut up!"

"I was scared of killing you," Esme smiled sadly at her. "I was scared of losing you. I know now that I already have, just in a different way. I won't beg for your forgiveness. I don't deserve it." Bella snarled at her. "Bella, I am so sorry for hurting you. And I'm so sorry that I wasn't strong enough to stay."

Bella's bottom lip quivered. "Your apology means nothing!"

Esme gave her fists a gentle squeeze. "I love you. And I'm sorry I didn't love you more than I feared losing you." She sucked in a sharp breath. "I'm sorry I didn't love you like you deserved to be loved."

Esme didn't know if her apology was the one Bella wanted to hear, but it needed to be said.

She had failed her. And she would acknowledge her mistakes. It was the least she could do. "You're one of the best daughters I could have asked for. I left because I was a coward. There was nothing you could have done to drive me away. That was my own fault." A soft sob escaped her. "I love you so much. I'm just sorry I didn't love you enough."

Bella's eyes widened, her face was blank but her eyes portrayed her grief. She dropped her, teeth bared and eyes filled with agony as she turned away.

"Why am I never enough?"

A soft sob escaped her and she reached out to the newborn. "No. Bella-"

"Just...stay away from me." She whispered, vanishing into the forest and leaving Esme alone.

The problem was never you. It's always been me.

---

"Do you...think that's weird?" Bella asked quietly, sipping on her juice pouch as she pushed her food trey towards Paul. His stomach rumbled at the sight of the half-eaten sandwich and he couldn't help but hum happily as he opened her bag of chips.

This had been a good arrangement, one he hadn't regretted, much to his surprise. Bella was a bit mousey, but there was a lot more to her that made him surprised. She was funny. She made him laugh a lot.

And he found that sometimes she could be strong. Not physically, the girl was as skinny as a twig, but she could be strong when it mattered. She could be strong in a way he couldn't be. He didn't believe they'd ever leave this place, but Bella had an optimism to her that was admirable, even though he often found it stupid.

"Paul?" He opened her chip bag and looked up at her.

"Hm?"

She sighed, her body caved in on itself, shoulders slouching and eyes dulling as she withdrew.

"Nothing. Forget I said anything."

Anger flickered like a flame in his chest, and he couldn't help but scoff at her. "Don't be like that. I get excited when I get food. I didn't hear you."

She still looked hesitant. "Are you...are you sure?"

"Course I fucking am. I'm never nice to be nice, that shit is stupid." He groused, shoving a handful of chips into his mouth. "Say it again, you got my attention, I swear." He said around his mouthful of food.

Bella giggled at his puffed-out cheeks before giving in. "Okay, okay." The mirth in her eyes died and she stiffened as she spoke. "Um, do you think it's weird if a girl likes another girl?"

Paul frowned. "Like...wants to date another girl?"

"Yeah."

"I don't know. What kind of question is that?" When she didn't speak his eyes widened. "Ohhh...do you-"

"No." She said quickly, avoiding his searching gaze and lying terribly.

Paul snorted at that. "Don't lie to me, you're shit at it." He tapped his fingers against the table, no longer eating as he looked at her curiously. "I mean, you never see that shit on tv, you know? Girls getting married to each other and that shit."

Bella gnawed on her lip, fiddling uncomfortably with the straw in her juice pouch. "Yeah…" she cleared her throat. "Well, I still like boys too." She was speaking quickly, nervously. "My mom thinks it's unnatural for girls to date girls and for boys to date boys. She doesn't like it."

The boy frowned, he had never given the whole thing much thought. He had always liked girls. They were pretty and nice to look at. The thought of being with a boy was a strange one, he couldn't imagine dating one much less marrying one.

"Well, it's weird." He finally said. "But...not bad? It's only weird because I haven't seen, you know, gay people before. I don't know any." He shrugged. "I don't know about unnatural. I don't get why your mom cares who you like. As long as they're nice to you, why does it matter?"

Bella looked a little relieved by his answer, and she slouched in her seat. "I don't know. It just does. She says girls have to marry boys. I have to get a husband and have babies when I'm grown up."

He pondered that for a moment before taking a bite of the sandwich. "Well...you're my best friend." He said. "I don't want your mom to be mean to you or get mad at you. So, when we're grown-ups, what if we get married?"

Bella looked at him with wide eyes. "What?"

"Yeah, why not?" He shrugged. "We don't have to kiss or nothing like that. It doesn't have to be weird. It can be like what we do now." He gestured at her juice box. "I give you juice and you give me food. And I'll beat up anyone who messes with you."

The girl contemplated this for a moment before frowning. "What about the babies?"

Paul grinned at her. "We adopt! Then your mom will be all happy and whatever, and we can still be best friends."

She laughed at that, no longer looking uncomfortable and she slurped up the rest of her juice. "That's a great idea, Paul!"

He held his hand out to her. "I know it is, wife."

Bella's smile broadened and she took his hand before giving it a firm shake. "Glad we could shake on it, husband." She then smirked. "Now you have to open doors for me like a husband would for a wife."

"You're my best friend wife. That's different." He snorted at that and released her hand. "Besides, that's bullshit. People have arms. I'm not opening doors for anyone."

"Paul, would you get the door?" Charlie asked, pulling the lasagna out of the oven and setting it on the stove. "Leah and Seth, could you help me set the table please?"

Paul eyed the man for a moment. Charlie had been eerily cheerful lately. He still drank, but tonight he was completely sober. He shaved his beard and his prominent, well-kept mustache was back on display.

He wore a white button-up tucked into black slacks. He had gained a bit of a gut since he began drinking, something he had joked about when the shifters had arrived. His hair was gelled to stay in place and he stood with confidence, no longer looking burdened by his very existence.

Leah and Seth were relieved by his upbeat demeanor, but Paul was a bit unsettled by Charlie's abrupt change in character. Apparently, he was the only one who found it odd. Well, I guess it's better for him to be happy than sad.

Paul opened the door to reveal Eleazar, Carmen, and Kate. The shifter's eyes widened at the sight of the warrior and he scowled at her.

"What the fuck are you doing here? Charlie will recognize you!" He hissed, looking over his shoulder warily as Charlie and the Clearwater siblings set out the plates and forks.

Kate frowned. "That's no way to greet a guest."

"Cut the shit, Kate. You're Bella's dream girl and Charlie is extremely sober. He'll recognize you."

She didn't give the desired reaction. "She mentioned me to her father?"

Carmen sighed. "Kate."

The warrior crossed her arms over her chest. "I'm not going home. I want to meet my mate's father."

Eleazar winced, looking between his stern mate and the stubborn blonde. "It could be coincidence…"

The brunette narrowed her eyes. "Eleazar, surely you can see how this would be a problem."

He gave her a sheepish smile. "Yes, but she was so excited to meet him…"

Kate perked up and rocked forward on her tiptoes to plant a kiss on his cheek. "Thanks, dad!" She said, voice loud enough to announce her arrival. Leah and Seth looked up in alarm as Kate brushed past Paul and made a beeline to Charlie.

The moment he saw her he froze, the utensils in his hand clattered to the floor and his eyes widened in disbelief. Carmen cursed under her breath, walking towards the two with a charming smile and Eleazar in tow.

"Charlie, it's so nice to see you again." The man blinked owlishly at Kate before looking at Carmen. "That's one of our daughters, Kate. The other three couldn't make it tonight."

Charlie swallowed thickly, looking at Kate as though she were an alien as she extended her hand. "It's nice to meet you, Chief Swan." He stared at her hand for a moment before accepting it.

"Uh, just Charlie is fine." He hummed, tension leaking from his body as he met her gaze again. "Kate, is that short for anything?"

They shook hands. "No sir." He stared at her hand, eyes narrowing for a moment before he released it. A friendly smile appeared on her lips as she bent down and scooped up the fallen silverware.

"Well, it's nice to meet you. A shame your sisters couldn't join us." He said, watching as she moved to the sink and deposited the utensils.

"Tanya and Irina had a shopping trip that they refused to reschedule." She smiled, ignoring Paul's grumblings and the way Leah perked up at the mention of Irina. "No worries, Chief Swan. The other two are a bore in comparison."

They all sat at the table, Paul shifted uncomfortably in his seat. He tugged awkwardly at the collar of his dress shirt, frustrated by how stuffy it was in the house. Is it stuffy or am I just nervous?

Charlie sat between Paul and Leah. He had been very particular about his spot, using his phone as a placeholder for his seat. Seth was on Leah's other side, sandwiched between his sister and the warrior. Across from Charlie sat Carmen and Eleazar, who bordered Kate's other side.

He introduced the shifters, who all pretended as though they hadn't met the vampires before that night. There was tension in the air, and all of it felt as though it radiated from Charlie.

"I wish you would have let us bring food as we originally planned," Eleazar said conversationally. "Not to say this doesn't look delicious, but we feel bad for not bringing anything."

The chief smiled and waved him off. "Your pleasant company is all I need." He picked up his fork before turning back to Kate. "You mentioned two sisters, what about the other one?"

Kate took a sip of her water before toying with food. "Well, Tanya, Irina, and I are all blood-related." She paused to take a bite, and her face gave away nothing as she chewed her food and swallowed it without a hitch. "Bela is my girlfriend, and she sees my sisters as her own."

Carmen glared at Kate, who apparently went off script, before turning back to Charlie. "She came from a troubled home, so we took her in as our own a year ago."

Seth, ever the charmer, smiled broadly at her. "That's so nice of you." Paul's eyebrow raised at how easily Seth played off them. "She's very lucky."

"Actually, we're very lucky." Eleazar slipped his arm around Carmen's shoulders. "She's the missing piece we've been looking for. We're finally whole because of her."

Charlie hummed at that before gesturing at Kate. "Not to be rude, but uh, Kate doesn't look much like either of you."

Leah winced. "Nice, Charlie."

He frowned at her. "What? It was an observation."

"Yeah, stellar observation, detective jackass." Leah ribbed, earning a small smile from him.

He bumped her with his elbow. "Watch it with the sass, young lady. I'm still your elder."

Paul laughed at that. "Obviously, old man."

Charlie scoffed at him, smile faltering for a moment before it returned at full force. "And this is why Seth is my favorite. He's a good kid, unlike you two." He ignored their protests and Seth's triumphant smile, instead, turning his attention back on Carmen. "I don't mean to pry…"

Carmen's lips pursed. "Not that it matters, but they're adopted."

"Ah," Charlie hummed, uncaring of her obvious dislike of their current topic. "Just like the Cullen kids. That's a funny coincidence."

"Funny?" She all but growled. "Esme and I are sisters, our lack of biological children is genetic. But I'm glad that amuses you."

"Sisters? I didn't know she was Hispanic."

Seth looked at the chief with wide eyes. "Charlie-"

"It's alright, Seth." The man placed his hand in his lap while his other continued holding his fork. "I apologize, Carmen. The whole thing is very...strange to me." He pointed at the vampires with his fork. "You all have gold eyes despite the lack of biological relation in both your families."

Kate didn't even blink as she took another bite of her food. "I'll let you in on a family secret, Charlie. We all wear colored contacts. It makes us look more related."

"Then take them out."

She smirked. "Is this a dinner or an investigation?"

He clenched his jaw. "And all of your skin is as cold as ice."

"Have you touched all of us?" Kate challenged. "An odd thing to do. Scandalous, some would say."

Charlie glared at her, muttering what sounded suspiciously like 'little shit' under his breath. Kate definitely heard him, and while Carmen looked enraged, the warrior was smiling broadly at him.

He continued as though she had said nothing. "And what's even stranger is that I saw Bella the other night."

Leah's eyes widened and Paul choked on his water. "Charlie, we've been over this." She said, voice patient and understanding. "They're just dreams."

The chief smiled tersely at that. "Maybe." He looked back at the vampires. "But, again, the strangest thing," he hummed, taking a sip of his water before continuing. "She also had gold eyes and cold skin."

Eleazar looked actually fascinated by this bit of news. "Dreams are quite fascinating." He mused. "They have many different meanings. Though, I surmise that your mind's manifestation of Bella came from what you wanted to believe."

Charlie faltered and a frown furrowed his brow. "What? You think I wanted to believe that she was dead?"

"Is that what she told you?"

He was quiet for a moment, gripping his fork so tightly his knuckles turned white. "She said she had moved on and that her killer was dead. I don't have to search anymore."

Eleazar nodded slowly, offering a sympathetic smile. "Perhaps it was the closure you wanted. Your daughter is happy in the afterlife, and her alleged killer was brought to justice. Maybe not by you, but by someone else."

He slammed his fist onto the table. "No! What I want is for her to be here! Alive!" His face was red and his voice had a tremor in it. His free hand still rested in his lap, and Paul couldn't help but reach out to him.

"Charlie," he rested his hand on his shoulder. "It might be easier to think that Bella is gone and at peace, instead of alive and hurting."

The chief blinked, and for a moment it looked as though he believed them. "It's…" he shook his head, his resolve strengthening. "No. This is bullshit." He abruptly stood up, pointing a pistol at Eleazar's head and making the shifters startle.

Was that strapped beneath the table? That's why he had been insistent on sitting there. This was his plan all along.

"Charlie!" Seth cried. "What are you doing!"

Carmen gripped her fork tightly. "You'll want to put that away, chief Swan." Kate looked alert, eyes darkening and body tense, always prepared for a fight.

"Is that a threat?" He scoffed, shaking his head. "I don't give a fuck!" He looked at Eleazar. "You tell me what the fuck you've done with my daughter, or I'll blow your fucking brains out!"

Paul reached out and grabbed his arm. "Stop it! This isn't-"

Charlie sneered at him. "Let go of me, Paul. They know about Bella! They did something to her!"

The shifter growled at him. "You don't have any evidence! What you're doing right now, is pretty fucking illegal, chief!" Paul thought about ripping the gun from his hands but part of him worried about a misfire. The vampires could survive a bullet to the face, but the shifters and Charlie certainly couldn't.

The chief laughed at that, loud and mocking. "Illegal? These people kidnapped my daughter and now she's a part of their cult. I'm saving her! I'm getting her back!"

"This isn't the way to do it," Leah pleaded. "Charlie, I know you miss her, we all do-"

"If you missed her you would be helping me, not getting in my fucking way!" He snarled, putting a hand to Paul's chest. "Get off me!" He gave him a shove but Paul didn't so much as budge. "Why are you defending them? They're with the Cullens! You don't even like them!"

Paul clenched his jaw. "It doesn't matter. Would Bella want this? Would she want you behaving like some sort of madman?"

Brown eyes widened and he looked at Paul as though he had backhanded him. "Bella would want someone to finally fight for her!" He roared, eyes filling with tears. "Renee never fought for her. Edward never fought for her. Esme never fought for her." His bottom lip trembled. "I never fought for her. Not for custody. Not for longer visitations. Not for anything!"

Paul softened as he looked into the broken man's eyes. "Charlie."

"No." He turned away from him, ripping his arm free and redirecting his aim once again at Eleazar's head. "I almost gave up on her. I almost blew my brains out because I couldn't handle life without her. But I can't do that. Not if she's still out there."

It was eerily silent. Eleazar and Carmen were looking at Charlie with sympathy, but Kate was looking at him in awe. Paul couldn't help but look at the man in the same light. A surge of respect and admiration flowed through Paul as he looked at Bella's father. His dedication was inspiring, despite his startling outburst and erratic behavior.

Charlie sniffled, nose red and eyes glassy. "All her life, Bella's felt as though she was never enough." Tears flowed freely down his cheeks. "She's felt like a burden because no one fought for her." A choked sob escaped him and he hastily wiped his eyes with his free hand. "But she's not a burden. She's my daughter!" He cocked the gun and placed his finger on the trigger. "And I'll fight until my dying breath to bring her home!"

---

"English. Can you believe I'm speaking such a language?"

She gently ran her thumb over the blue petals, staring out over the cliffside and watching the icy waves crash below. The sun was almost up, the sky was on the verge of shifting from its dark blue color to pink.

Her eyes burned with unshed tears as she looked out at the fading stars. "Oh, my sweet boy," her free hand buried itself beneath the snow, finding a patch of grass and threading her fingers between the blades. Red eyes searched the sky for a moment, tracing the stars and constellations. "Are you among them?"

As always she received no answer.

"Do you remember this place?" She murmured, looking down at the flowers in her hands. "It's been so long...do you remember me?" The wind gently blew the blonde strands from her face. "I remember you. I remember your eyes and your smile and your giggle." Her voice became shaky. "I remember the shape of your nose and your little blonde curls and your blue eyes...oh, you were so beautiful."

A sob wracked her body and she clutched the flowers to her chest. "I'm sorry, you would think I would be stronger now." She took a moment to compose herself before continuing. "But every year I come here without fail."

She closed her eyes, listening to the wind rustle the tree branches behind her, and listening to the waves lap against the cliffside. It was peaceful. She had never envied nature before, but now more than anything she wished she could be as calm as her environment.

"You loved this place. You would clap and giggle when we'd watch the sunrise." She released a shuttered breath, watching as the cold air was blown away by the breeze. "That's why I buried you here...I would have thrown myself from the cliffs if not for your sisters."

A small laugh escaped her. "They needed me. They were beautiful disasters." She hummed. "I helped Michaela learn how to sew. It took the poor girl months just to do a proper stitch. I helped Eliska learn how to cook. She burned everything she touched, I couldn't even trust her with water. And I helped Sofia learn how to behave like a lady. She got her table manners from your father I'm sure."

The sun peeked out from behind the mountains and Sasha's grip on the flower stems tightened. "Happy birthday my son. If only I could have helped you."

She celebrated all of her children's birthdays, but none was as difficult to celebrate as Vasilii. Her daughters had lived out their lives, and when she was turned she had watched them from the shadows, proud of who they had become. And when they were on their deathbeds she had gone to them, holding their hands and speaking with them until their last breaths.

She had gotten closure. She had gotten to say her goodbyes. But Vasilii had passed in his sleep. She had awoken to a lifeless baby. She had screeched and tore her clothes and cursed as she tried to wake her son. But those beautiful eyes never opened again.

Tatyana was hers by blood, a descendent of Eliska, and she had loved her as her own. All of her daughters had filled the holes that her biological daughters had left behind, but none could fill the hole that Vasilii had left behind.

The sound of snow crunching alerted her. She was on her feet in seconds, inhaling sharply and instantly relaxing when she saw it was Bela. She didn't like being disturbed when she was celebrating her son's birthday, but she found she welcomed her daughter's appearance.

"Matka." Sasha smiled as Bela rushed into her arms, but her joy was short lived when she felt how tightly her daughter clung to her.

"Bela?" She spoke softly, not wanting to further upset her. "Why is it that every time you come back to me, you're a little more heartbroken?" She pulled away to look into watery gold eyes. "Bela." She dropped the flowers and gently held her face in her hands. "Who is hurting you?"

A quiet sob escaped her lips as she leaned into Sasha's touch. "It's nothing…I don't-"

"Baby." She soothed, stroking her cheek with her thumb. "You don't have to act strong. I am your mother, I want to help you, I want to be there for you."

Bela looked at her with a mix of grief and awe before clinging to her again. "Do you mean that?"

"Of course I do. I love you." She pulled away again, pressing a kiss to her forehead. "Your pain is my pain." She took a deep breath to steady herself, and that's when Sasha noticed the dark circles beneath her eyes.

When was the last time she fed?

"There's a woman...a vampire." She murmured. "She was like a mother to me...some of my human memories returned...enough that I can remember what she meant to me." Bela curled in on herself. "She left me, and when I confronted her she apologized for not loving me enough."

Sasha froze, and for a moment she could have sworn she was looking at Tatyana.

"My birth mother didn't want me...but this woman was supposed to be different." Bela's eyes watered. "She promised me eternity."

She growled possessively at that. "That woman doesn't deserve an eternity with you." Bela blinked at her in surprise. "You listen to me, Bela. That woman is nothing. Do you understand?"

"Y-Yes."

"Who am I to you?"

"My mother."

"And who are you to me?"

"Your daughter."

"And who is that woman to you?"

Bela looked away from her. "Nothing."

Sasha nodded in approval. "Good. Don't you ever forget that, do you understand me?" Bela nodded, eyes still glassy with venom. Sasha pressed a kiss to her forehead. "No more sadness. That woman isn't worth our time."

She hugged her to her chest, and for a while, the two stood in silence. Sasha had more than a few choice words in regards to Bela's past motherly figure, but she knew her daughter needed comfort. She couldn't make this about her, not when her child was in pain.

A sniffle was heard and Sasha couldn't help but huff out a laugh. "What are you crying about?" She asked gently, a teasing tilt in her voice. "You've got me."

This evoked a small laugh from the brunette as she pressed a kiss to her temple. "I love you."

Sasha smiled, warmth flooding her chest as she squeezed her daughter a bit tighter. "I love you too."

She pulled away from her, reaching down and scooping up the flowers that Sasha had dropped. "Thank you and...I'm sorry, I interrupted something, didn't I?"

Sasha stared at the flowers for a moment before shaking her head. "I was just about finished here." She accepted the flowers from her. "Would you like to join me?"

Bela nodded, joining her at the edge of the cliff and sitting at her side. Their legs dangled over the edge and the sky was now a mix of orange and pink.

"Today is my son's birthday," Sasha explained. "Every year I come here and I...well, it certainly doesn't seem like a celebration."

"I'm sorry." She murmured. "Tatyana told me about Vasilii."

Sasha waved her off. "You have nothing to apologize for."

"I've never had someone taken from me before, at least, not that I can remember. I can't imagine losing someone I love. Abandonment is one thing, but there's an underlying resentment that comes with it. But with death...Katrina told me that she only felt pain and regret. A sense of hopelessness." Dull gold eyes met her red ones. "I have nothing to apologize for...but I'm sorry you're still hurting. I'm sorry that you feel this way. And I'm sorry there's nothing I can do to make it better."

She flinched at that answer, quickly averting her gaze and staring back out at the sky. She wondered how Bela always knew what to say in pivotal moments like this.

Whoever she's around when she's not with us...they must be very wise.

"I know your memories aren't all intact but...do you recall having any children of your own?"

Bela shook her head, turning to look at the sky as well. "I'm certain I had no children." She swallowed thickly, looking precariously at the cliff and churning sea below. "Why do you come here?" Her eyes were filled with discomfort, as though she recalled something unpleasant.

"I would come here with Vasilii. We would watch the sunrise together. He loved this place...so I buried him here."

Her daughter relaxed slightly as she watched the ever-changing sky. "He'll never miss a sunrise."

Her throat tightened. "No. He won't." She composed herself before speaking. "I have something to ask of you."

Bela looked at her. "Anything."

Sasha smiled at her appreciatively before taking her hand in hers. "I have spoken a bit with Tatyana. Should anything happen to me, she would be your new coven leader."

"Of course." She said without hesitation.

Sasha narrowed her eyes and released her hand, noticing instantly how Bela avoided her scrutinizing gaze. "She already spoke with you, didn't she?" A good girl, but a poor liar.

Bela sighed. "She did, but only because she worried that I would disagree."

"And you don't?"

"I don't."

Sasha nodded slowly before continuing. "You are our shield. You and Katrina will protect our coven, this I know." Red eyes searched her daughter's. "I worry that there will be a struggle between Katrina and Tatyana when it comes to leadership. You and I are what binds this coven together, and should I go, I'll need you to keep our family together."

Bela shifted uncomfortably, thumb tapping against her index finger and jaw clenching as she stared out at the ocean. "Do you plan on leaving?" She looked down at the rocky depths, unsettled and restless, much like the ocean below.

"I would never leave on my own volition," Sasha said, looking at the flowers still clutched in her hand. "I just want you all to be prepared for if anything happens."

Bela smiled sadly at her. "I don't think we could ever be prepared for a life without you." She reached out, taking Sasha's hands in hers. "You shouldn't worry about such things, mother. I'm a shield. No one will touch you."

The older woman admired her optimism almost as much as she pitied her naivety. "You aren't always here." She reminded her. "And should anything happen, you're to protect your sisters and your mate first and foremost, do you understand?"

Bela, surprisingly, was taking this better than Tatyana had.

"I understand." She was still, however, clearly uncomfortable with the subject. "What kind of flowers are those?"

Sasha found that she appreciated the change in topic, if only for her daughter to no longer dwell on her heavy words.

"Forget-me-nots. I pick them and sit here, so Vasilii knows he's not forgotten."

Bela hummed at that before looking out at the sky. "That's...that's nice." She murmured. "Happy birthday, Vasilii. I hope you know our mother is in good hands."

Sasha's eyes watered at that and a shaky laugh escaped her. "That I am." Both mother and daughter sat in silence for a while longer, watching the sun rise high in the sky as they were left with their thoughts.

I'm so blessed to have my daughters. Why can't they be enough? Why is nothing ever enough?

The familiar ache in her chest. The type of ache that reminded her how desperately she missed her son. The type of ache that reminded her of what a terrible mother she was to not be content with the wonderful children she had.

She had hurt Tatyana with her desire for another child, something that still left her feeling repulsed with herself. The last thing she wanted was for Bela to feel the same, especially after her motherly figure had essentially confessed to not loving her enough to stay.

I should be better than this. All of my daughters deserve better than this.

Bela stood to her feet, moving at a human pace as she looked down at Sasha. "I haven't visited Katrina and my sisters yet. Would you like to return home with me? I think we should all go sledding."

She shook her head. "I'll stay a bit longer. But you should have fun with your sisters and your mate. Go on without me."

Bela paused, eyes glazing over for a moment before she shook her head. "Go on without you." She murmured, blinking as her world came back into focus. She gave Sasha a soft smile, it was filled with love and tinged with sadness. "How could we?"

After another hour Sasha stood to her feet, setting the flowers down on the cliffside before she made her way home.

Upon her arrival she smiled fondly at the mess of a front door that Bela and Irina had 'fixed.' She couldn't explain why she loved it so dearly, but she did. She ran her hands along with the splintered woods, fingers tapping against the crudely hammered nails before she entered.

Her girls greeted her with warm smiles and hugs. Bela abruptly stiffened, bristling slightly at the scent of Garrett.

Irina placed a hand on her shoulder. "That's only Garrett. He comes around every so often." She had left out his slight infatuation with Katrina, thankfully. Though, Sasha supposed that Bela would only see it for herself when he arrived.

Katrina, to her surprise, perked up at his arrival. Usually, she was annoyed whenever he arrived. She didn't care much for the vampire, and on more than one occasion she had electrocuted him. But this time she looked delighted as he walked through the door.

Red eyes sought out Katrina, and he smiled as he moved to greet her. "Katie, hello." He spoke English, just as he always did when he came. He held out his arms. "I've missed you-" he ran into an invisible wall, flinching in surprise and blinking in confusion.

Tatyana snickered and Katrina laughed gleefully, dragging her glaring mate by her waist and hugging her gently. "Garrett, this is my mate. My Bela." She hugged her from behind, nuzzling into her shoulder and purring gently in order to calm her. "Isn't she great!"

Bela relaxed slightly, though she still looked at Garrett with disdain. "You speak English."

He smiled charmingly at her. "Ah, so you're Katrina's Bela I've heard so much about. It's lovely to meet you." He then furrowed his brow. "Your accent isn't one I've heard before. You don't sound like a Saxon or a Dane or a Nord."

Her eyes turned black and she narrowed them. "My accent is none of your concern." Sasha sighed, refraining from chastising her daughter for her possessiveness. Her reaction is normal. Katrina acted the same way with Tatyana and Irina.

Tatyana smirked at her before looking at Garrett. "As you can see, you're not wanted here. So go away."

His smile never left his lips, red eyes taking Bela in with newfound interest. "Your gift is strong. I'm impressed!"

"Thanks." She replied curtly. "Her name is Katrina, not Katie. That's a stupid nickname."

"I only call her that to aggravate her-"

"Well, you're aggravating me." She growled, and Katrina's eyes darkened, much to Sasha's exasperation. Her purring grew louder and she nuzzled into Bela's neck, making Garrett laugh and Tatyana made a face.

Sasha sighed, trying to ignore the mated pair as she turned to Garrett. "What is your reason for being here? We weren't supposed to meet until two weeks' time."

He put his hands behind his back, rocking on his toes slightly and cocking his head to the side. "I have to speak to you and Katrina about something urgent."

Sasha's eyes widened for a moment before she nodded, a small smile gracing her lips. "Of course."

Irina gasped in delight, practically vibrating with excitement as she abruptly ripped Bela away from Katrina. The warrior snapped her teeth angrily at her, reacting instinctively rather than rationally as she reached out to grab Bela's hand.

Tatyana intervened, slipping to Bela's other side and interlacing their fingers. "Come with Irina and I, Bela. You look like you need to go hunting anyways." That made Katrina relax, coming to her senses and withdrawing her hand.

Bela looked unsure, shooting a suspicious glare at Garrett before looking at Katrina for guidance. "You three go, I'll meet you once I'm finished here," Katrina promised.

Sasha gave Bela a knowing look. "She'll be fine. Garrett is-"

"A friend." He chimed in.

Sasha stared at him before looking at Bela. "An acquaintance. A weak one at that." She ignored his offended look and shrugged. "He is trustworthy."

Bela nodded slowly, moving away from her sisters to cup the back of Katrina's neck. She gave her a possessive kiss, making her mate's chest rumble happily as the brunette parted with a nip to her lips.

Dark eyes then turned to Garrett. "Don't. Touch." She growled, making his eyes widen.

"Yes ma'am."

Katrina watched her mate with black eyes as she disappeared with her sisters. "I want her to choke me."

Sasha wrinkled her nose and glared at her. "Katrina!"

Her daughter at least had the decency to look embarrassed. "Sorry, mother."

Garrett laughed before sticking his hand into his pocket. "I can see why you're so smitten with her." The distinct clink of metal shook Katrina from her aroused state and she perked up.

"So you do have them!"

"I do." He pulled the rings out. "One gold and one silver, just as you asked." Katrina scooped up the rings happily, examining them with wide eyes and a large smile.

"They're beautiful." She had had the rings made from her favorite sword. The warrior's excited energy manifested into her power, skin crackling with electricity. "I told her I was going to make her my wife." She looked at Sasha with shining eyes. "She's going to be my wife!"

Garrett took his cue to leave. "I'll see you both in two weeks." He then winked at Katrina. "I know she'll say yes." He then disappeared, leaving the mother and daughter alone.

Sasha's heart felt full, and the pain that the day had brought her began to subside. "She'll be thrilled."

"You think so?" Her skin no longer hummed with electricity, and she stiffened up slightly. "What if she says no?" The warrior winced. "My Bela is so perfect. She always has been. And I'm so brash and-"

"The only thing that ails you is stupidity." Sasha chided, giving her daughter an amused smile. "Bela is in love with you." Katrina shrugged, still looking unsure of herself. "Bela isn't perfect."

"But she is."

Sasha frowned. "Your perception of her is sweet but unfair." Katrina looked at her in surprise. "You're both mated. What reason would she have to say no?"

The warrior sighed and shrugged. "My fear is irrational...I just want to be everything she deserves."

The older woman hummed and nodded. "You fear you're not worthy." She placed her hands on her daughter's shoulders, garnering her attention. "You are strong and loyal and you fill all our lives with joy and laughter. I've never seen Bela shine as brightly as when she's with you."

Katrina looked at her with wide eyes. "Really?"

My strong, oblivious warrior.

She rolled her eyes fondly. "Her love for you is strong. Don't doubt that for a second." She kissed her forehead. "Propose when you feel ready." Sasha encouraged. "It's been a long time since I've been to a wedding."

Her daughter smiled at her. "The wedding won't be very big...unless my Bela wants it to be." She decided. "I need to do something big. Something exciting!"

Sasha smiled at her enthusiasm. "I doubt Bela will care how grand the gesture is."

"I know but…" Katrina grinned. "When I was human, and Bela kissed me for the first time, I wanted to scream from the mountain top that the most amazing demon liked kissing me. And then, when we mated, I ran through the forest, declaring that I was the luckiest vampire on earth with the most spectacular mate on earth." There was no embarrassment in her confessions. She loved Bela so openly, and it was hopelessly endearing.

"That's sweet."

Katrina nodded proudly. "And if she agrees to be my wife, I'll be just as thrilled, I already know it." Her smile was so bright it was almost blinding. "I don't even know what I'll do if she becomes my wife." She confessed, putting her hand over her unbeating heart. "Every time I see her I feel as though I fall in love all over again. I just want everyone to know that I am hers and that she is mine."

Sasha felt a rush of affection towards the warrior, and she couldn't help but smile widely at her. "All the more reason to propose, don't you think?" The hesitancy returned, and Sasha shook her head. "Propose when you're ready. Don't stress yourself out, not now." She smiled at her. "Go spend time with her. It's been months."

Katrina nodded, nervousness forgotten as she shoved the rings into her pocket. "I will!" She kissed Sasha's cheek. "Thanks, mother." She then took off, leaving Sasha alone in the house.

These kids...she shook her head fondly before deciding to go for a run. While her daughters had lightened her mood, the heaviness that silence brought was enough to make it all come crashing down again.

You could have gone with them. You could be happy if you just let yourself be happy.

But she couldn't. Not when she had failed her son. Not when she was reminded of her failure every day, plagued by her memories of holding his limp body in her arms. Wailing so loudly it had woken up her entire village.

Sasha ran until the clouds were devoured by the stars. The ache in her chest never fading, especially when she found herself standing on the outskirts of her old village. She hadn't meant to go there, but there she stood, just beyond the treeline.

The village had grown smaller since she had left. Only a few people remained, and the territory was too small to boast any warriors. Instead they were under the Tigre's protection, in exchange for some weapons and some of the village children that could be raised into Tigre warriors.

She sighed, crossing her arms over her chest listening to the slumbering humans. She hadn't returned in decades. The memories were too painful, too bittersweet.

Sasha didn't know why she had come back.

Maybe it was because, when she concentrated hard enough, she could smell the bread that Adela used to make fresh every morning. She could hear the faint clang of metal striking metal as Alexej worked on new horseshoes.

Or maybe it was because, when she closed her eyes, she could hear her husband's steady breathing as she laid beside him. Or, more accurately, his complaints, when the nights were too warm.

"Moja krásna žena, je príliš horúco na to, aby si ma držal." [My lovely wife, it's much too hot for you to be holding me.] Bohdan would grumble. Sweat would bead down his neck but he had never pushed her away.

He'd only hold her closer as she laughed into his chest and apologized for wanting to stay close. "Tak veľmi ťa ľúbim, môj milý manžel. Ako očakávaš, že sa budem držať ďalej?" [I just love you so, my lovely husband. How do you expect me to stay away?] Sasha murmured, and she could see a hint of a smile as he gave her a firm squeeze.

She could hear Michaela huff in frustration as she learned how to do a proper stitch. "Matka, to je nemožné! Ako môže niekto sedieť tak dlho, škúliť na týchto hlúpych látkach, je mimo mňa!" [Mother, this is impossible! How anyone can sit this long, squinting at these stupid fabrics, is beyond me!]

A quiet laugh escaped her. "Volá sa to trpezlivosť, dieťa. Nikdy si toho veľa nemala." [It's called patience, child. You've never had much of it.]

She could hear Eliska laugh as she presented her with burnt stew. "Matka, Tentokrát to nie je úplne spálené! Iba dno!" [Matka, it's not completely burnt this time! Only the bottom!]

Sasha smiled. "Tvoj úbohý manžel. Zaujímalo by ma, čo by ho zabilo ako prvé, tvoje bláznenie alebo varenie." [Your poor husband. I wonder what would kill him first, your babbling or your cooking.]

And she could hear the cry of outrage that left Sofia's lips as clear as day. "Si taký hrubý! Nechodím ako medveď!" [You're so rude! I don't walk like a bear!"]

"Povedal som, že si kráčal ako veľmi pekný medveď, miláčik." [I said you walked like a very pretty bear, darling.] Her smile broadened. "Ale nakoniec si tie ramená narovnal, však?" [But you straightened those shoulders in the end, didn't you?]

She could see her little blonde haired daughters running past her, all holding up their dresses as they ran through the snow, squealing and giggling as Bohdan playfully chased after them. Sasha watched as the memories, always colored grey, disappeared.

She put a hand to her chest and blinked back the venom that filled her eyes. "Moje krásne katastrofy...Želám si, aby si spoznala svoje nové sestry. Milovali by ste ich rovnako prudko ako ja." [My beautiful disasters...I wish you had been able to meet your new sisters. You'd love them just as fiercely as I do.]

The quiet coos of an infant echoed in her mind and she flinched, envisioning pudgy hands reaching for her face and a toothless smile directed at her.

She stifled a sob. "Vasili…"

"What is wrong with you? You have four daughters but you agonize over replacing Vasili?"

Shame threatened to engulf her and she squeezed her eyes shut. "I'm sorry." She murmured, having nothing in mind but Tatyana, Katrina, Bela, and Irina. "I said I would try and…all my girls deserve better from me. I have to be strong for them. I have to be there for them."

The vision of blonde tufts of hair and blue eyes began to fade. "I love you, Vasili." She took a step back. "But I need to focus on my girls. They need me."

Sasha turned to leave when she heard the panicked cry of a woman. "Tadeas!" The vampire paused, listening to the ragged breathing of...her eyes widened. "Tadeas, to je v poriadku, je to v poriadku! Len ťa musím vziať k liečiteľovi, áno, to je všetko, liečiteľ ťa zachráni. Boh ťa zachráni." [Tadeas, it's alright! I just have to take you to the healer, yes, that's it, the healer will save you. God will save you.]

The woman was rambling, shuffling about her house as she gathered things to leave her home. A scared mother. A terrified one. Sasha knew the feeling all too well.

The vampire couldn't help but move forward, finding the woman's house with ease and slipping inside. The woman was none the wiser as she scrambled around her bedroom.

Sasha followed the ragged breaths to the infant's crib. She had heard such breaths before, a deep rattling in the lungs, one that adults could survive but one that infants usually did not.

"Oh, malý, obávam sa, že už nemáte veľa..." [Oh, little one, I fear you don't have much longer…] blue eyes opened and the infant looked at her. One meaty hand fisted his blonde curls and the other slowly reached up to her. A quiet, ragged laugh escaped him as he flexed his fingers, wanting to be picked up.

"...Vasili…"

Dedicated to my dad, who fought for me until he couldn't. I know it's been a while, but rest easy old man.

45 fucking k. I'm backkkkkkkkkkk! No mass update BECAUSE I was tired of making you all wait. I know my sapphics are starving and I couldn't keep withholding!

I'm HYPED for next chapter. And I'll never not mock Jasper's confederate ass. Hear me out: Black Alice and Union soldier Jasper supremacy.

And tired so the editing is garbage pls don't attack me. If you see more has been added to this chapter...mind your business.

Sorry I was gone forever but I had real hot girl shit I had to do...also school which is now out so here we are.

Not me getting attached to Sasha. NOt me writing Victella sexual tension. Not me throwing in a Rosella date. I love messy Cullens I can't help myself. Goddammit. More shit to hit the fan next chapter. You can bet your sweet asses. AND DID SOMEONE SAY DOUBLE CLIFFY! HA!

AND some of ya'll were like "oh wow, that imprint was very abrupt" aren't they always? Like, they been coming out of nowhere. There's no build up to an imprint. Ya'll better focus that scrutiny on where it belongs, Jacob and Renesmee! Fucking weird! Don't come for my Irina/Leah!

ciarac21: this one kinda hurted me tho ;_; you didn't have to go that hard my guy and now you've got me all in my feels. i love this story so much dude it's just so beautiful (p.s. get rose and bella back on track soon pls or you'll probably have a lot of angry sapphics banging on your door)

Oh noooooooo not angry aggressive sapphics banging at my door! -0- whatever will I doooooooooo! Lmao jokes aside I'm sorry I hurt you, I'm glad you like my story so much and take this Rosella date I fucking love them.

Freewolfsavage2: I find myself re-reading this fanfic a lot and honestly it's just too good. Drunk sassy Bella, love fueled Kate, a Rosalie trying to change with character development, loving sisters, internal external conflict but a damn good love story. It's just too good. I can't wait for another update. If I could double favorite this story I would. 20/10 have recommended to friends.

Freewolf I would double favorite you if I could. Damn good review. You are the greatest, I'm so glad you like my writing.

I was gonna get to more reviews but I'm deadass falling asleep. I hope you're all taking care of yourselves. Sorry it took me so long but I hope this will tide you over until the next update. I love you!