"So, you guys still eloping tomorrow? Because I'm a paralegal and can prepare all the necessary documents..."
"Shut up, Kirk," Lorelai spat out, and headed for home.
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Lorelai dragged herself into her living room, and literally fell onto her couch. Her instincts were right: this had been a very tiring evening. First, the Friday Night Dinner she'd left earlier than usual. Then she stumbled onto the secret town meeting. Lorelai still couldn't believe the nerve of Taylor and the town. It was difficult enough struggling with the postponed engagement and the April issue on her own, and she could only guess that it was a lot worse for Luke. And how was it that Luke knew to show up at the meeting?
Oh God. What if he thought she'd been in on the meeting all along? That she was part of it all. Surely, he knew her better than that. Then she remembered what he'd done when he came to Miss Patty's, and relaxed. He'd come into the meeting, pulled her out and asked her to get packed, and kissed her without regard to the fact that the town was there and that his kid was there, too.
"Pack!" Lorelai blurted out loud. He'd wanted her to go home and pack, something about going away for the weekend, and to bring her dress along. And then Kirk had made that comment about eloping this weekend. Oh my god! Was Luke crazy? He wanted to elope this weekend? They couldn't elope right now…she'd have to check with Rory, and how could she marry a man whose kid she did not know?
And then there was that Anna woman. Although Lorelai had never met her before tonight, it didn't take a rocket scientist to figure out that the beautiful, dark-haired woman shrieking at Luke was his ex. She could only hope that the experience hadn't further emotionally scarred Paul Anka. April, on the other hand, seemed to be a nice kid; any kid who'd take to Paul Anka rated highly with her.
Luke's ex. Now there was a loaded phrase. She'd always had problems with his exes, the ones she knew of, that is. Rachel. Nicole, his wife. Oh God. She'd be in the same category as Nicole. A wife of Luke Danes. A member of the second wives' club. Although in her heart, she knew that what Luke and Nicole had had was not exactly a real marriage, it still stung that she would not be his first wife. And for some odd reason, even though she tried hard not to be that type of woman, she sometimes felt sad knowing that any kid of theirs would not be Luke's first. Which was, she acknowledged, a totally hypocritical attitude to have, as she herself had a child by someone else.
Lorelai turned on the TV, so she could check on the time. She wondered how long Luke would be gone. She supposed not too long, since he had Paul Anka with him. It was obvious that Anna was angry with him, but she also imagined that they wouldn't argue in front of their kid.
Lorelai turned down the volume and stretched out on the couch. The elopement still gnawed at her. Yes, she'd sort of agreed that an elopement would be fine with her when they were at the Vineyard, but that was when she'd hoped she'd get to meet April properly as Luke's future wife. That had not yet happened. And what was with Luke's spontaneous announcement that they were going away…tomorrow? She didn't want their wedding to be spontaneous--the last time Luke had gotten married spontaneously, it had not turned out so well.
At least he'd talked to her about eloping.
Lorelai idly flipped through the channels, nothing appealing to her. She muted the set and closed her eyes. Yet though she was both physically and mentally exhausted, she couldn't rest. Her mind was racing like a NASCAR driver on crack, reviewing the evening, reviewing what she'd told the town meeting, and reviewing the encounter with Anna. And through it all, one thing remained constant: the look on Luke's face when he saw her at the town meeting.
Lorelai thought that she'd catalogued every Luke-face there was. Before they started "dating", his facial expressions had been easily classified and predictable. After their first date, Lorelai made the ecstatic acquaintance of several new Luke-faces, all of them delightfully worthy of a dirty! And as they shared hopes and dreams, more were added. Of course, the latest addition was a collection of 'proud daddy' faces, which had the effect of both making Lorelai indescribably proud and sad at the same time. Tonight, Luke had unveiled yet another new face. The look on his face when he stood in the doorway at Miss Patty's was not an easy one to describe, but it was memorable. A mixture of possessiveness, pride, and pain had passed over his features as he barged into the meeting. He was caveman, with a helping of proud fiancé, with a dollop of sadness at having to be in this situation.
Of all the new Luke faces, Lorelai best loved the ones that hurt her the most: proud daddy. It hurt because he was so obviously still compartmentalizing his life, but she loved what she saw. The night they became engaged, he talked about kids and she agreed that kids would be nice. That all seemed abstract in the wake of her rift with Rory, until she began dreaming of babies. Holding Sookie's Martha, she experienced feelings that Sookie pointed out were normal feelings of baby-lust for a woman her age. Sookie even teased her on occasion that Paul Anka was a substitute for a baby.
Yet her feelings only intensified as time went on, and when she first saw the dad-look on Luke's face, all her dreams fell into place. She wanted his baby. She giggled, thinking about what a character their personalities would yield. What she feared about having another kid at her age was erased by the way Luke seemed to take to parenthood. Suddenly all the obstacles and problems she'd worried about when she had her pregnancy scare almost a year ago melted away. For unlike Christopher, Luke was all in when it came to being a parent. She wouldn't have to do it alone.
For sixteen years, she had rationalized that the things Christopher had to do were the reasons he stayed away from their daughter, denying Rory a father's love. For sixteen years, she secretly wondered if she herself was the cause of Christopher's absence--by refusing to marry him when they were but children themselves. For sixteen years, she held her breath and hoped Christopher would finally follow through on his promises to Rory.
For sixteen years, Christopher all but stayed away. And then he suddenly showed up and became more involved. And once he did that, there was one thing she hadn't bargained for, hadn't expected: that his presence in their lives was motivated by wanting to be with her, not by wanting to be a father.
For sixteen years, she lied to her daughter to spare her the pain of an uncaring father. "Dada," an infant Rory vocalized. "Mama, Mama," Lorelai coached her to say instead, because she couldn't deliver Dada to her kid. "Who's my daddy?" a three-year-old Rory asked, and Lorelai would tell her, but lie about why he wasn't there. And the questions did not stop there; they only escalated through the years. "Why does Lane's daddy live with her?" "Why doesn't my dad live with us?" "If daddy won't come to my birthday, does he like me at all?" "Mom, did you make him go away?" "Mom, did I make him go away?" "Why does he want to be GiGi's father, but not mine?" "Why doesn't he love me?"
And in the twenty-first year, after Rory was well and truly done, a newly minted adult, Christopher's stars aligned to provide their daughter with monetary riches. When Christopher informed her about his new circumstances, she didn't want to believe that he would suddenly be more of a presence just because he had money. When the raising of the kid was all over, he thought he could ante up and buy his way in.
And then there was Luke, who was often a fatherly presence in Rory's life when all along, there was a kid he didn't know about.
No, this time, if she did it, she wouldn't have to do it alone.
Lorelai heard the key turn in the door, and before she could sit up, Paul Anka bounded into the living room to greet her. As she fussed over him, Luke came to her, placed a kiss on her cheek, and said, "You're incredible."
She turned to look at him. His face was the one he'd worn in the doorway of Miss Patty's studio.
"I know you're tired, but we need to talk."
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Next:
Luke and Lorelai make a list together.