I don't use excuses
Don't ask why
It's just a breakdown
It happens all the time
So get out of my face
Don't even try
Ya wanna help me, just let me cry

"Don't let go of one of the best people in the world—if you do, you'll regret it for the rest of your life." — Lissa

She… was dead.

It still took a while for my mind to process this new piece of information I tried to swallow gently when I first heard it. It was impossible for me, and for everyone else, I'm sure, to download this statement into their minds. You can never really tell if you understand what people are telling you until it finally happens and the realization suddenly dawns on us.

I didn't understand what Ami was telling us until it was too late.

Gone.

Her room is full of memories that haunts us — photos, journal entries, blood… It all came rushing back whenever I glanced at any part of her room. Nothing was empty — blood covered the snow white covers and blanket, a fist had crushed into the dresser mirror, the writings on the walls, the dried, stained letters written in bold, blood red letters scrawled on the wall behind her clothes in the closet, behind the dresser, behind the bed, in the bathroom… Blood had covered the bathroom — it was everywhere; in the sink, in the tub, on the mirrors, just... everywhere.

Her accessories were everywhere. The Silver Crystal had shattered when she had died and was now laying in shattered pieces on the mahogany, smashed dresser. The broach was broken and splintered, its magical pieces of Lunarian steel sparkling in the light, the old pieces of dazzling pink diamonds had lost its sheen and were now a dull gray color that didn't seem to want to color up again. The earrings that Mamoru had given to her for her seventeenth birthday lay broken on the ground, the golden hangers broken off and thrown at the wall, the sharp point piercing into it, the silver diamonds on the ground, stained red.

Dead.

We all were so angry — too angry to notice the change. We all so blind — too blind by the fury and pain that clouded our minds to see her fall over the brink. We all were so busy — too busy with our own emotions to notice her falling. We all were too busy falling sorry for ourselves to notice — to notice her falling to tatters around us, blowing the pieces around us… but we were too oblivious. We couldn't see what in front of our very eyes, we saw the girl, but didn't see the dark thoughts in her mind… we saw the tears, but never saw the truth behind icy cerulean eyes.

I never understood. I was always so used to happy endings — happy endings where the princess would get the guy and they'd live happily ever after. Sure, we died at times, but we always came back — we always lived.

Gone.

But the harsh realization is that she won't be coming back — she can't. We stole the power that was supposed to bring her back. We can live on forever… our souls being reborn time after time to reunite the senshi if trouble should arise in the world. And that's what the most painful — we killed her and she'd live on as another girl in the world without a care in the world…

Maybe that was better. Maybe she could just have a life of carefree love, with no worries about saving the world… Maybe she'll be happier…

I used to think she was selfish, when we were fighting, of course. I sided with Rei immediately, following Makoto's abrupt yell to leave us. I was shocked for a moment, but I was the goddess of love and beauty. Mamoru and Rei loved each other — and I was in no position to abandon my beliefs. I believed her selfish mainly because I thought she'd understand when she found out. I mean, Rei understood when she and Mamoru fell in love and they were still dating. I guess I thought Usagi would be more understanding, that's all.

But now, I understand.

It destroyed our destiny. The Silver Power was driven away when we took it out of Usagi, disappearing within minutes after she left. It attempted to enter her body again but the laws… the laws of the Silver Kingdom held it back, blocked its way from entering her body once more. It searched out Chibi-Usa but she had faded away shortly after as well, due to the betrayal and the now lost power. It was true, what Usagi had said. The power searched for a member of the Silver family — but it couldn't find one and it faded. It destroyed all hope of Crystal Tokyo, all hope of peace, all hope of the Silver Millennium.

We destroyed all hope of tranquility with our stupidity and blind eyes…

Rei and Mamoru's relationship did not help us in any way. Without the Silver Power, Crystal Tokyo could not be created and the power of Earth and Mars was not a good combination. They tried to revive the great power of Mars and Earth to create a new kingdom—called Fire Tokyo, aptly named by Makoto as a feeble joke—but Queen Selenity did not allow them. Her soul was angry, so angry she didn't care for the lives on Earth… she wanted us to die for the treason we caused… she wanted us to pay for the life we made die.

We destroyed everything that could have made Earth a better place because of our selfish acts. We destroyed all hope of an easy life for the mortals because we wanted to have our dreams before her own dreams. We thought we knew her dreams — save the world, marry Mamoru, and reign world peace over Earth. It was all simple — it was all she wanted back then.

But as she grew up, we left her as a child as we sped up to make our own dreams. We forced her down as we grew into the people we are today. We ignored her obvious changes as she grew behind our backs, slowly rising up to conquer the world one day. We tried to prevent our favorite little bunny from growing up, trying to force her to stay down as Rei's and Mamoru's relationship bloomed into a beautiful, black rose, one that stood out in our once perfect blood-red rose garden.

And she saw it. The usually oblivious girl had glanced around and caught sight of the black rose in her perfect garden. She knew it immediately and she caught them red-handed. We were shocked, to say the least, but we recovered, although Ami took a longer time doing it.

But we were all shocked as we committed what we senshi had pledged never to do — we acted out high treason on our princess. We were the Chosen princesses of our planets; chosen to protect the Moon princess from harm, to guide her down the road of life, to save her from any danger, to help her control her powers… We did no such thing. We did what we said we'd never do. We betrayed the center of our universe, we betrayed Queen Selenity, we betrayed our own planets…

Then again, it may have been for the best… for her anyway.

I looked away from the coffin, my eyes filling with tears.

Maybe.

Since I'm so nice (haha, yeah right (: ), I decided to upload it early. )
Considering how long it took for me to get Part II up. (:

Enjoy and remember to review, ne?