Chapter 2
A/N: Also don't own Artemis Fowl or When a stranger calls. Just borrowing the characters and plot line. This one is longer than the first chapter!
After Artemis had gone thru the horrid and painful act of changing the baby he put her in the crib. Seeing that she was asleep instantly, Artemis turned off the lights and ran away as fast a scrawny athletically inept kid could run. Artemis didn't like the dark. After that he went to watch TV and get something to eat. He felt like something greasy and unhealthy. Butler really needed to stop feeding him tofu and other junk like that.
Artemis looked into the fridge. Apples, to red reminded Artemis of blood, and Artemis fainted at the sight of blood. Carrots, too hard Artemis's frail teeth couldn't handle the burden of carrots. Broccoli it took all of Artemis's will power not to fall on the ground twitching. Then the holy grail of the fridge PUDDING! Yes, pudding, chocolate and not filled with baby slobber Artemis was going to enjoy this.
Artemis had just gotten a huge, jumbo, bigger than Artemis's head (which is pretty big by the way) bowl of pudding. He had also gotten a 2 litter bottle of black market soda. His parents didn't like him having soda. They said it would make him hyper. Him, Artemis Fowl boy genius being hyper? Scary, freighting, eek, aaahhh, gah, scream in horror, and all of the above. So Artemis had a reason for calling the soda black market soda.
So anyways back to the story. Artemis had just sat down with his giant thing of soda and pudding when the manor's freaking loud alarm system went off. The noise was rather loud and was keeping Artemis from enjoying himself. So yet again being very brave he stood up and walked over to the little alarm system box. The tiny bugger had a disable code so long, it made Artemis's head hurt. So after about three minutes of trying to think of the code it came to Artemis, but the buttons were evil they didn't want to go down. Artemis was really getting annoyed now, so instead of doing things logically he just smacked the stupid thing. It deserved it anyways, it made him get up.
The phone started to ring in the kitchen. Does it ever end? Artemis thought grudgingly, walking the long distance to the kitchen. Picking up the phone, Artemis heard the evil squeaky voice of the alarm company.
"Yes. Mr. Fowl," The lady's voice pierced Artemis's eardrums. "Your alarm system went off." Explain the obvious. "Is everything alright."
"Um…" Um you're a boy genius start acting like one idiot. "Yes, everything's okay. I guess just a false alarm."
"Alright then Mr. Fowl you have a nice evening." And the phone lady hung up. Finally time to get down to- RING! The phone again.
"ARGH!" Artemis yelled out loud. "Does it ever stop?" Artemis picked up the phone with a bit to much force that was needed slamming it into his face. "OWWW" Artemis screeched. "That hurt pain. Great now I get a nice new bruise on my forehead. Oh yeah. Hello?"
"Arty? Are you okay?" It was his mother checking in. "The alarm company just called. It everything okay there?"
"Yes, OW, Mother everything is fine I just…" Artemis not wanting to admit he just thwacked himself in the face with the phone thought of some thing. "fell on one of Randi's toys trying to get the phone. I'm okay."
"Alright honey, call me if you nee any help. We can send some over there any time."
"I will mother,"
"Okay honey bye."
"Bye." His mother hung up. "Okay now that that's taken care of lets start on that" Ring the phone again. "This time I will not hit myself in the face will the phone I will not hit myself in the face with the phone," Artemis chanted angrily picking up the phone. "Hello?"
"Artemis? It's Butler the alarm system went off. Are you okay? Is some one in the house? Do I need to fly back home? Is it the fairies? Are they trying to take over? I'm on my way."
"BUTLER!" Artemis had to yell a few times until it was actually heard.
"What?"
"I am fine. The alarm system just went off. I probably set it off on accident. I'm fine."
"HAVE THE FAIRIES BRAINWASHED YOU?"
"No I'm fine get back to Juliet! NOW!" Artemis slammed the phone on the receiver as hard as he could. It almost shook the receiver. "Now as I was saying-" RING the phone the evilness. "AAAAHHHH! WHAT IS IT?" Artemis yelled into the phone.
"Your alarm system went off Mud Boy just making sure you aren't dead." It was Foaly.
"WHY DOES EVERYONE KEEP THINKING THAT I"M GOING THE DIE! I AM CABALBLE OF TAKING CARE OF MYSELF FO A FEW HOURS AT HOME!" Artemis was out of breath after this long rant.
"Well you see I'm entirely sure about the last part." Foaly said innocently.
"AAAAAHHH DIE IN A DARK LONLEY COLD CORNER!"
"Now there's no need for th-" Artemis had slammed the phone down with extreme prejudice. Then he ran into the garage and bought out a sledge hammer. Obviously he wasn't just going to stand there. He walked over to the phone and started beating the crud out of the phone of evilness. He smashed it in a way one would smash a hated test, or bug if that makes it clearer. Artemis smashed it till it wouldn't smash no more. Or until he was about to pass out form over excursion. After the phone was smashed to Artemis's liking he put the hammer back in its place and walked back into the living room were his soda and pudding were waiting for him. The deed was done and Artemis was ready to enjoy the evening. That is until the next phone call came. DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN!
A/N: OH wow that was so fun to write I hope you guys like it I tried to make it longer and I think I at least did that. Thanks to all who left reviews it makes me feel very warm and fuzzy inside! Hope ya'll like it. BYE!