Chapter 4

A/N: Yeah don't own Artemis Fowl.

Artemis ran around the house shutting all drapes and doors. Even the closet door. Then he ran in the living room and hit behind the couch in the fettle position. They could see him he thru the windows. Then again there was a lot of them. Artemis was starting to get freaked out. No one did this to Artemis Fowl the second except Butler. Like that one time when Artemis was three, and Butler told him where he came from. Artemis couldn't look at his parents for a month. But that's beside the point.

The real point is that they can see him and that freaked Artemis out. The phone rang again. RING! Artemis didn't want to answer it. RING! Dang it! He hated the stupid ringing. Artemis got up and answered the phone of evilness. It was the evil breather of doom.

"What do you want?" Artemis stammered into the phone. "You must be calling for something." The caller hung up. How rude. It was one thing to scare him half to death but to hang up on him too. Artemis felt rejected. The phone rang again. Artemis answered.

"What are you wearing?"

"OH GOD HE'S A HOMOSEXUAL!" Artemis screamed dropping to phone and stomping on it. The boy genius stomped on that phone like no tomorrow. I think Artemis enjoys destroying phones. Once the phone was sufficiently smashed, stomped on and just all around destroyed, Artemis went up stairs to get another cordless phone.

Walking up the stairs was a task for Artemis. Every shadow looked like it might be the homosexual freak that was stalking him. He checked in on Randi to make sure she was fine. She was sleeping away like babies do. Lucky Artemis thought. He grabbed the cordless phone and ran down stairs. Artemis knew exactly who he would call. If only he could remember the number. Now what was that three number phone number to call in case of emergencies? 119? No 991? Nope that wasn't it. 919? Dang it! If only he had listened in kindergarten to the stupid safety officer. Frankly he didn't think he'd need it considering he had the 7ft tall bodyguard. Oh curse fate!

In the end Artemis gave up and decided to call Foaly instead. He would probably be more help anyway. Artemis dialed the 14 digit phone number. After two rings Foaly picked up.

"Hello?" Foaly answered.

"Hi Foaly, Good friend to Artemis, Smart centaur, unappreciated centaur, um..." Artemis was doing his best to suck up. And it wasn't really working.

"What do you want mud boy?"

"Well you see. I've been getting these funny calls lately and, they're kind of freaking me out and-"

"LIKE major GASP! Artemis Fowl freaked out! I need to record this for future reference!"

"Cut the sarcasm. I was wondering if you maybe could trace the calls and maybe get them to stop."

"OH SO NOW THE MUD BOY WANTS OUR CONCERN! WELL WHAT IF I DON'T WANT TO? WHAT THEN?"

"Pleeeeease Foaly," Artemis said putting on the big innocent act with the big eyes, pouting lip and everything else. "You know you want to."

"No I don't want to. You weren't nice to me before."

"Pweeeaaase!"

"NO"

"You know you want to.Do I need to tell Holly what Foaly's been writing in his dairy?"

"What?"

"Ahem, and I quote "Gods, Holly has the cutest butt since the creation of butts." Now I wonder how Holly would react to that."

"You suck Mud Boy." Foaly mumbled "Fine I'll trace the stupid calls. Try to keep him on the line for 10 seconds. Think you can do that?"

"I think I can, I think I can."

"And I'll send Holly over to keep you from killing your self."

"Okay thanks." Artemis herd the call waiting beep and clicked over.

"GOSH! IT'S CALLED CALL WAITING! DIDN'T YOU HERE THE CALL WAITING BEEP? NOW I'M NOT IN THE MOOD TO HARASS YOU THIS CALL!" And the creepy caller guy hung up.

"Well that was weird."

A/N: yeah that chapter was shorter than some others. But it seemed like a good place to end that chapter. Um about the homosexual thing that was not meant to offend anyone I just thought it would be funny. So yeah. Reviews would be cool! Hope ya'll liked it. I'll try to post soon, but track season is starting up soon so I'll be running like no tomorrow after school. So yeah updates might take a little longer.