Chapter 4: Christmas Lights

A/N: I was able to find some time to write today.

Twenty-one days before Christmas
Tuesday, December 4th
Jane

Jane was lying in her bed flipping through the pictures that Maura had sent her from their day together on Monday. It was now Tuesday evening, and she decidedly missed both Maura and Alexis immensely, even though she knew it was ridiculous. She had been texting with Maura all day, but she hadn't seen them today. They also didn't have any set plans to see each other again – not that Jane doubted that she would see them soon.

Except Jane didn't really want to wait for whenever 'soon' was. She wanted to suggest they get together, but she felt like she needed to suggest something for them to do together. She twirled her phone in her hands as she tried to think of an idea. What was Christmasy? Or Bostony? Or Christmasy and Bostony?

Walking around Boston to see the Christmas light displays! It was perfect! To bad, they had missed the tree lighting ceremonies, but they could still visit the different areas of the city to see the light displays. Jane's favorites were always the lights at Columbus Waterfront Park and in Boston Common.

Jane turned her phone back into the right position so that she could text Maura: Are you and Alexis free anytime over the next few days?

Maura replied almost instantly: We have a number of errands and appointments tomorrow during the day. We could probably do something in the evening, but to be honest, I'm not sure what kind of mood Alexis will be in after spending the day running around town. Hopefully, we will get everything done that we need to tomorrow, but if not, we may have to run a few more errands on Thursday. However, other than that, we are free for the rest of the week and weekend. Did you have something in mind?

Jane: I was wondering if you guys wanted to go see some of the Christmas lights around the city. Maybe Columbus Park and/or Boston Common?

Maura: That sounds wonderful! Maybe Thursday or Friday evening? Trying to do tomorrow might be setting Alexis up to be overstimulated.

Jane: Either works for me. Would it be helpful if you let me know tomorrow if you get all of your errands done or if you have to do more on Thursday? Maybe if you get everything done tomorrow, we could go Thursday, but if you have to run more errands on Thursday, we could go Friday. That way, it's not too much for Alexis.

While Jane did somewhat feel like Friday was too far away, she recognized that Alexis's mood and capacity were more important in this instance.

Maura: Are you sure you don't mind? I'd hate for you to have to wait that long to finalize plans in case you want to do something else on either of those days.

Jane: You are really overestimating my social life, Maur. I'm sure. Let me know tomorrow night, and even if we decide on one day and it turns out that Alexis (or even you or I) don't feel up to it, we can pick a different day. Really, I'm flexible.

Maura: Okay, thank you, Jane. I love this idea. Alexis will love it, too.

Maura: She probably asked about you at least once an hour today while she was awake.

Jane: Ha! Sorry, that was probably really annoying!

Maura: More so, I just couldn't answer most of her questions.

Maura: I suppose all three of us will just need to spend more time together so we can both get some answers. 😉

Jane was really glad that they were only texting because the deep blush that overtook her face and chest would have been embarrassing if Maura could see her.

Jane: I think I could be agreeable to that…😋

Then, realizing that Maura might not pick up on the intended tone of her text, so she added: But really, I'd love that…I want to get to know you two better as well.

They continued texting for a while, eventually saying goodnight. Just before she fell asleep, Jane had an idea.

Twenty days before Christmas
Wednesday, December 5th
Jane

After breakfast, Jane jumped in her car and headed to Home Depot, which was on the south side of the city. Luckily, since it was a Wednesday morning, the store was pretty empty, and she was able to find a parking spot relatively quickly. She found a cart and headed directly to the outdoor Christmas section.

When she got there, she realized that she really had no idea how many lights she'd need. She had a pretty good idea of how far 100 lights or 300 lights went on a Christmas tree, but outside lights could be deceiving. Also, while she'd help her dad put up lights at their childhood home, she'd never had to actually buy the lights. And now, she lived in an apartment, so she couldn't decorate outside.

She may have gone a little crazy, but she reasoned that she could always return whatever she didn't use. She made sure to get the necessary timers and extension cords, and right before she made it to the check-out line, she decided to add two lighted reindeer (a mom and a baby), and a set of three lighted spiral trees.

Holy crap! Holiday lights and decorations were a lot more expensive than she was expecting, but she still didn't hesitate. Once the idea had taken hold, nothing was going to stop her.

She knew that Maura and Alexis were going to be away from their townhouse all day, so Jane had decided that she was going to decorate the outside of their home as a surprise. However, as she pulled up in front of their house, it occurred to her that this idea might be a little crazy – and a lot overstepping.

Still, even though she had only known Maura and Alexis for less than a week, she was pretty confident that they would love this surprise. And that was enough.

Jane started by canvassing the front of the townhouse as well as the back courtyard. She was happy to find that there were plenty of outlets around the house. She wasn't really sure what she would have done if the house only had outlets inside.

After she had come up with a plan of attack, she put her earbuds in, turned on her favorite Christmas playlist, and set to work. She quickly got lost in the work, eventually losing track of time. She did the back courtyard first, making sure to put lights on both the main house and the guest house. She also set up the lighted reindeer and trees, so that they could be seen from the back window.

By the time she moved to the front of the house, the sun was already started to set. How early it got dark out was Jane's least favorite part of December, but it did make the lights look beautiful as she finished working.

Maura

Maura was exhausted. She and Alexis had been out all day. Maura had completely miscalculated how long their last few errands would take, so Alexis had missed her nap, meaning that now Maura had a very cranky four-year-old whining in the backseat.

"Sweetie, I know you're tired," Maura said. "We'll be home soon. I'll make dinner; then, if you want, we can both get into our pajamas and watch a movie or some TV before bed."

"I don' wanna," Alexis whined, and Maura sighed. She knew that Alexis wasn't really listening to her, nor did Alexis know what she was protesting to. Maybe they'd just have dinner and go to bed early.

Maura flipped on her turn signal and turned into their driveway attached to the courtyard. "What?" Maura whispered as they pulled up.

"Wow!" Alexis said breathlessly. "It's so pretty. Is this our house, mommy?"

Maura actually glanced around after she put the car in park to make sure that she hadn't pulled into the wrong driveway.

"Yes, sweetie," Maura replied, still in awe. "It is our house."

"Who decorated?"

"I don't know," Maura said slowly, although, she did have a suspicion about who might have done this.

Alexis unbuckled her booster seat and was out of the car within seconds of Maura turning off the engine. Maura got out as well, deciding to leave their bags until later. She followed Alexis over to the lighted reindeer.

"Look, mommy!" Alexis said. "A mommy reindeer and a kid reindeer – just like us!"

"Let's go check out the front of the house," Maura suggested, hoping that they might catch the secret decorator in action.

"You think they decorated the front, too?" Alexis asked, her excitement growing as she forgot about her tiredness and previous bad mood.

"I think we should go look," Maura said, unlocking the back door.

Alexis darted through the house as soon as Maura got the door open. She ran so fast that she almost ran into the locked front door. "Can I open it mommy?" she asked, jumping up and down impatiently as she waited for Maura to join her.

"Yes, go ahead," Maura gave her permission.

Just before Maura stepped onto the front porch, her suspicions were confirmed as she heard Alexis squeal, "Jane!"

"Lexi!" Jane said equally as excited. "I was tryin'a surprise you guys," she said as she stepped off of the stepladder that she had brought with her and lifted Alexis into her arms. She flashed a dimpled smile in Maura's direction.

"This is a wonderful surprise," Maura said, her smile embarrassingly large. "I can't believe you did all of this!"

"I really hoped I'd finish before you got home," Jane said as she watched Maura walk down the front stairs to join her and Alexis on the sidewalk. "I'm pretty close, though."

"It's absolutely beautiful," Maura added quietly as she tried to take it all in.

"I have to use the bathroom," Alexis said suddenly, wiggling out of Jane's arms and running up the steps.

"Alright, I'm coming," Maura called out after her.

"I don't need help," Alexis yelled over her shoulder. "I can do it all by myself."

"Okay, sweetie," Maura replied as she and Jane both laughed.

"When Alexis was inside, Jane turned to Maura. "I know you didn't want to do anything tonight, so I promise I'm not here to interrupt your evening. I just…I wanted to do something nice for you guys…something that would make you both smile. Can I just finish this last part and then, I'll be out of your hair?"

"Of course, you can finish," Maura said, very familiar with the feeling of needing to finish something she started. "But you don't have to leave immediately after. You can, of course, I know you are probably tired. I'm just saying, if you wanted to come in…" Maura trailed off, hoping that she didn't sound too desperate. She really hoped Jane would want to come inside.

Jane smiled brightly. "I'd like that," she said. "But I still want to finish first since I'm so close, if that's okay."

"Absolutely," Maura said. "Can I help in any way?"

"No, I think I got it," Jane said, looking back at the last area where she wanted to put lights.

"Okay, I…" Maura was interrupted by Alexis bursting back out the front door.

"All done!" she said happily.

"Did you wash your hands?" Maura prompted.

Alexis nodded vigorously. "Yes, mommy," she replied. "Jane, are you having dinner with us?" she added, turning to look at Jane.

"Please stay for dinner," Maura said. "It's the least we could do after all of your hard work."

"Sure, thanks," Jane agreed easily. "I'm just going to finish first."

"Perfect," Maura replied. "I need to unload the car. Come on, Alexis."

"Can I help Jane?" Alexis asked immediately.

"It's okay with me, but do you need to help mommy unload the car?" Jane asked.

Normally, Maura would make Alexis help, but she greatly preferred this happy version of Alexis to the moody one she'd been dealing with for the past few hours. She knew that it wouldn't take much for Alexis to flip the switch again. "Are you sure it's okay?" Maura asked Jane.

"Yep, here Lexi. Let me show you how to wrap the lights through the railing." Jane smiled at Maura to let her know that she really was okay with Alexis staying with her.

"Okay, I'm going to empty the car," Maura said, brushing her hand over Alexis's hair as she walked past the pair of them already hard at work.

Once she had brought everything from the car inside (and taken a brief moment to look around the courtyard again), Maura stepped back out front to see how Jane and Alexis were doing.

"How's it going?" Maura asked.

"We're done!" Alexis said excitedly. "Come see, mommy!"

"It's absolutely beautiful," Maura said, standing next to Jane and Alexis on the front sidewalk so that they could see the entire front of the house. When Jane's arm slipped around her back, Maura couldn't help but lean against Jane. "Thank you, Jane," Maura said quietly, turning to look at Jane.

Maura's breath caught in her throat when Jane turned her head to face Maura. The lights were projecting a soft glow over Jane's features, and the tender look that Jane was giving Maura made her heart melt.

Alexis's voice broke the spell that had settled around them. "I helped!" she told her mom.

"Yes, Lexi was a great helper," Jane said, ruffling Alexis's hair.

"Well, thank you, too, sweetie," Maura said with a smile. "Should we head in for dinner?"

"Yes! I'm starving," Jane said. "I just realized that I haven't eaten anything except Cocoa Puffs today."

"Jane!" Maura scolded in disbelief.

"I love Cocoa Puffs!" Alexis interjected before Maura could say anything else. "But mommy says I can't have sugary cereal for breakfast. It has too many simple carb-o-high-rates and not enough fiber or protein. It's bad for your meta-bow-ism and your card-o-vas-vas-vas…"

"Your heart health," Maura clarified.

"Yes!" Alexis said. "Your blood sugar will go like this…" Alexis shot her hand into the air before miming going over a rollercoaster. "Pppcshhh…" Alexis made a crashing sound as she pretended her hand had crashed into the ground and exploded.

"How old are you?" Jane teased Alexis, but Alexis completely missed the sarcasm.

"Four and three-quarters," she answered happily.

"And when exactly have you had Cocoa Puffs?" Maura asked, giving her daughter a gentle push to get her to walk up the front steps and into the house.

Alexis's eyes went wide as she realized what she had admitted to. "Um, um…" she stalled.

Maura raised her eyebrow and gave Alexis a perfect 'mom look,' causing Alexis to cave instantly.

"I traded my veggie straws for Emma's Cocoa Puffs at school," Alexis admitted huffily.

Maura was trying really hard to maintain her serious expression, but between the defeated look on Alexis's face and Jane standing behind her trying not to laugh, it was a losing battle. She it her bottom lip to try to hide her smile before finally giving in and smiling at Alexis and Jane. "Okay, well, just don't do it again, alright?"

"I can't do it again," Alexis said innocently, holding her hands up as she shrugged. "Emma's still in San Francisco."

"I mean…never mind," Maura said with a laugh. "Why don't we get dinner started?"

"Okay!" Alexis said, happy to not be in any trouble. "What's for dinner?"

"Stir-fry," Maura answered. "I figured it's an easy dinner after a long day."

"Yummy!" Alexis said agreeably.

"Sounds delicious," Jane added. "Hey, Lexi, let's go get washed up, so that we can set the table while mommy cooks."

"Oh-kay!" Alexis agreed cheerily, drawing out the 'okay' as she said it.

As she cooked, Maura marveled at how natural it felt to have Jane here with them this evening. Not only that, but Jane's presence had lightened both her and Alexis's moods significantly. Jane continued to keep Alexis laughing through dinner, but as the three of them continued to talk after they finished eating, Alexis started to fade fast.

"Sweetie, I think it's time for bed," Maura suggested.

"Nooo, Jane's still here," Alexis protested half-heartedly.

"Yeah, but you'll see me again soon, okay?" Jane said. "But I heard you had a busy day, so I think you should listen to your mom."

"Promise you'll come back soon?" Alexis asked.

"Promise," Jane replied.

"Come on, sweetie," Maura said, holding out her hand to Alexis to walk her upstairs.

"Wait, I gotta give Jane a hug first," Alexis said as she slid out of her chair. Maura watched as Jane held her arms open for Alexis and gave her a big bear hug and a soft kiss on the top of her head. "Night, Jane," Alexis whispered.

"Good night, sweetie," Jane whispered back.

"Are you okay waiting while I put her to bed?" Maura asked Jane, hoping she wouldn't leave yet.

"Yeah, coarse," Jane said, smiling at Maura.

Alexis got ready for bed without complaint, and in an extremely rare occurrence, she didn't ask Maura to read to her before bed. Usually, Maura would anyway, but she could tell that Alexis wouldn't make it past the first page.

Maura sat on the side of Alexis's bed and leaned over to give her a kiss. "Goodnight, my love," she said quietly.

"Night, night, mommy," Alexis replied. "I like Jane," she added as she closed her eyes. "And I like when she calls me Lexi."

"I like Jane, too," Maura admitted, but she was pretty sure that Alexis was already asleep. Maura gave her daughter one more kiss before quietly leaving the room.

Jane

As soon as Maura and Alexis went upstairs, Jane started on the dishes. There weren't very many – one of the benefits of making stir-fry – so she finished quickly. She was wiping down the counter when Maura returned back downstairs.

"Jane, you didn't need to do the dishes," Maura said.

"I told you, when you cook, I do the dishes," Jane countered.

"But…"

"Don't say I'm your guest."

"But you are," Maura said confusedly.

"Okay, yeah, technically, but I like coming over. I'll feel bad if you're always doing all the work."

Maura couldn't stop the laugh that escaped. "Jane, how much word did you do decorating the outside of our house?" she reminded Jane.

"Okay, yeah, but that was supposed to be a surprise."

"It was a wonderful surprise. I…we've never had someone do anything like that for us, and honestly, today was the perfect day to come home to such a wonderful surprise."

"Bad day?" Jane asked, reading Maura's tone instantly.

"Tiring day. I mistimed things, causing Alexis to miss her nap. She was in quite the mood before she saw the lights. She was so excited when she saw the decorations. I was, too."

"Good, 'cause that was kinda the point," Jane said with a smile.

Maura returned her smile. "Do you have to go, or would you like to stay for a drink?"

"I can stay," Jane replied. She really didn't want to leave.

"Would you prefer wine, coffee – I have decaf, tea…?

"Since I'm driving, I should probably go with the tea," Jane said.

Jane watched Maura move around the kitchen to make the tea. Once the kettle was on the stove, Jane worked up her courage to make another request. "Um, do you think…I mean, would you…" When Maura turned to look at Jane, Jane just held up her hands in lieu of finishing her question.

Maura smiled brightly and took one of Jane's hands in hers. Jane sighed deeply as relief instantly radiated through her hand as Maura massaged the tense muscles and tendons in her hand. After a few minutes, the tea kettle interrupted them. Maura quickly removed it from the heat and turned back to Jane. "Let me finish," she whispered, taking Jane's other hand.

As Maura finished massaging Jane's hands, she looked up into Jane's face. Jane felt like the world stopped as their eyes met. She really wanted to lean forward to capture Maura's lips in her own. Her gaze flitted to Maura's lips and back to her eyes a few times. They were standing so close together that Jane was sure Maura could hear her heart threatening to beat out of her chest.

Maura was the first to move as she reluctantly tore her eyes away from Jane's and stepped back. Her expression almost looked pained.

"Maura?" Jane questioned so quietly that she wasn't even sure if Maura heard her.

"I…I can't," Maura said shakily.

"I'm sorry," Jane whispered, her voice breaking. She took a step back to put more space between her and Maura.

"No, please don't be," Maura replied weakly as she leaned her hands on the kitchen island. "I-I don't know…"

"It's okay. I shouldn't have…"

Maura shook her head. "You didn't do anything wrong. I-I can feel it too. I've never felt so comfortable around someone so quickly. It scares me. I like you. I like you a lot. I like being around you. You've made me feel so welcome. You've done so much for me and for Alexis."

"I didn't do those things to…I didn't do them to get in your pants," Jane said, unsure of how else to put it.

Maura let out a choked laugh. "I know you didn't," she agreed.

"I like spending time with you, too. You and Alexis. When I met you at the party, I wasn't thinking…I didn't…I didn't immediately think about wanting anything more than a friendship. Okay, that's only party true. I was immediately attracted to you. But I wasn't looking for a relationship. I just…I was having fun getting to know you, and all I knew was that I wanted to see you more and get to know you better. I didn't realize how quickly I was falling until you were standing in front of me, and all I could think about was how much I wanted to kiss you.

"But Maura, I…it'll pass. Can we just forget about tonight? I don't want to lose your friendship. I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable. I'm so sorry."

Maura laughed, but there was still a tinge of sadness in her voice. "You didn't make me uncomfortable, Jane. Trust me, your feelings are not unrequited." Maura paused and took a breath. "Let's sit down," she suggested.

Jane nodded and followed Maura to the couch. She was surprised when Maura sat relatively close to her on the couch. They weren't close enough that they were touching, but they were definitely close than Jane had been expecting.

Maura pushed her hair behind her ear before looking at Jane. "I've never introduced anyone I've dated to Alexis, and I promised myself that I wouldn't until I was sure that the person I was with was going to be around for a long time. I don't want people coming and going in her life," Maura said.

"And she's already so attached to you," Maura continued. "I meant it when I said that she talked about you all day yesterday, and the last thing she said before she fell asleep just now was that she liked you. It's not just about Alexis, though. You're my friend, and I don't want to lose that. I've never had very many friends. I've struggled to make friends since I was a child. I don't understand how you've become so important to me so quickly, but you have, and I'm terrified of losing that. I'm terrified of losing you.

"But…but I also can't deny that there's something more between us, and I'm honestly not sure if I can just shove all these feelings I'm experiencing into a box and ignore them. I'm not sure I want to."

Jane shifted closer to Maura and took both of her hands in her own. "I can't promise that everything's going to work out, but my gut is telling me that there's a good chance it could. One thing I can promise you is that I care about Alexis, and nothing that happens between us – good or bad – could ever change that. Yeah, obviously, as her mother, you get to decide who is a part of her life, but you can't stop me from caring about her. If we dated and it didn't work, I would still be willing to be there for her in anyway she needed. If you still wanted me to be a part of her life, I'd be there. If you never want me to see her again but then one day she needs something, I'd be there," Jane said with as much honesty as she could infuse into her voice.

"And I don't want to lose our friendship either. More than anything, I want you and Alexis to be a part of my life and I want to be a part of your lives. But I also can't deny that I want more. It's whatever you're comfortable with, though. I don't want to push you. I know you're going through a lot of big changes, and I know that you have to consider both yourself and Alexis. I promise, if you just want to be friends, everything will go back to the way it was tomorrow. If you want to give this a try, we can do it your way. If you want to wait, I'm willing to wait."

Maura let go of Jane's hand and cupped her face, swiping her thumb across Jane's cheek. She leaned forward and gently pressed her lips against Jane's. The touch caused a bolt of lightning to course through Jane's body. Their lips moved together, just barely testing the waters. It was Maura who deepened the kiss. She slipped her hand into Jane's hair and increased the pressure of the kiss.

Jane pulled back slightly and pressed their foreheads together. They were both breathing heavily as they tried to calm the emotions flooding their bodies.

"Oh, my god," Maura whispered, and Jane laughed lightly. Maura lifted her forehead from Jane's. She gave Jane a quick kiss on the lips before moving to cuddle against Jane's side. She rested her head on Jane's shoulder and wrapped both arms around Jane before pulling her feet up and tucking them under her body. Jane decided that this was one of her new favorite feelings. They fit together perfectly. Jane returned the hug, leaving a gentle kiss on Maura's temple before resting her cheek against the top of Maura's head.

"I'm still scared," Maura said quietly. "But I'd like to try. I just…I need you to promise me that this won't change how you treat Alexis."

"It won't," Jane said instantly. "I promise, and that's the easiest promise I've ever made."

"And I'm not ready to tell her yet," Maura continued. "I don't want to confuse her. I don't care if other people know. I'm not saying that we have to keep this a secret from everyone. I just want to wait until things are a little more settled before we say anything to Alexis. Is that okay?"

"Absolutely," Jane agreed without hesitation. "We can wait until you're ready. In the meantime, we'll just keep doing what we've been doing."

"Thank you, Jane," Maura said, lifting her head to give Jane another kiss. They shared a shy smile before resuming their kiss.