Hi I'm back so so sorry it took so long I had severe amnesia. But I'm back now with a whole new chapter I'm sure you'll love I hope. So thanks for all the reviews and if there was any one who has this story on story alert and (like me) checked your mail everyday or if you (like me) checked in everyday to see if there was a new post thank you ever so much and I'm ever so sorry but I'm babbling so here's the new chapter.
Disclaimer: I don't own Instant star if I did the show would never go off and there would be a new episode everyday.
Chapter 7: Where do we go from here.
"Jude are you going to say something?" Of course not, what am I thinking she probably hates me and I don't blame her I'm such a...
"Hypocrite. You're such a damn hypocrite. I can't believe you. I mean you leave two years ago making me promise you I wouldn't use again and you're a million miles away doing that very thing I said I wouldn't do."
"Jude I know and believe me I'm so sorry that's why I couldn't come back I was ashamed I was afraid."
"Afraid of what that I'd be mad and upset and pissed off?"
"No that you would hate me that you would look at me and be disgusted and hurt and above all want to kill me." And that's when I was for the first time in my whole life I was shocked and mad at the same time.
"Why... why did you start using?" I just had to ask to get some understanding to know why.
"Honestly, I was scared and alone and they made me feel better." After he said that a look of what I would describe as finally realizing something crossed Tommy's face as he realized what I had realized 10 minutes before.
"You started using for the same reason I did because you felt like you were alone and for the first time in your life you realized that scared the hell out of you and you hate the fact that you felt that way."
You see the mind is a funny thing it tells you what to do what to say and how to feel even if you don't want the little things to they still do. Take what's going on right now as an example I'm torn between forgiving him and telling him to leave I mean I know I'll forgive him eventually come on it's Tommy the Tommy that I love so much how can I not forgive him. And I really do understand where he's coming from and some how I blame myself. If I would have never started using then he wouldn't have left and he would have never used but if I hadn't would he still have told me he loved me. The mind really sucks.
"Jude, Jude." I wonder what she's thinking gosh she does this a lot hello I'm talking to you. Oh I think I get it.
"Huh... what oh sorry Tommy what were you saying." I can't believe I spaced out again I do that all the time.
"You were off in la la land weren't you?" Of course but I understand why and I'm Pretty sure about what.
"Yea oh look Tommy I don't know wh-." You know It's kinda hard to have a conversation when you keep cutting each other off.
"Yes." I think I confused her. Yep that's deffanitly a look of confusion.
"Yes what." What the hell is he talking about I didn't ask a question is he on drugs still.
"I still love you that's never changed and it never will."
"Oh I just was damn how did you" Wow how did he know what I was feeling.
"I thought you might question that. I would have told you even if you weren't using I just wouldn't have said it that soon." See I know her and I know that's exactly what she's thinking cause I thiught it a hundred times myself.
Wow he's amazing he knew exactly what I was thinking I guess he really does love me and I "love you too.
He walked up to me and in that instant he grabbed me and kissed me with so much love and affection and that's when I we pulled apart and looked at each other.
"So then Jude, Where do we go from here."
"I don't know Tommy there's still something's we have to work out.