A Needed Rock

Mandy looked into her rearview mirror and adjusted it to see the dark circles that had formed under her eyes. She had spent the night at work taking call after call. She pressed on the gas and pulled her cell phone from the front pocket of her purse. As she flipped it open the singing chime filled the car. "Hello?"

It was Mandy's mother, "Hi sweetheart, are you home yet?"

"No, I just got off. Are you OK?"

A silence echoed in Mandy's ear for a moment then a false content voice quivered, "Yes honey, just call me when you get home."

The phone disconnected and Mandy felt chills go down her back. She dialed her father's pager number. He had been sent out of town on work for the past months and so Mandy knew whatever was going on her mother was facing alone.

Less then a minute later her phone rang again, "Hello?"

"Hi princess, are you OK?"

"Daddy, what's going on? I got a call from Mom but she didn't tell me anything."

Her father sighed, "Are you home yet?"

"No, just tell me."

Her father began to sob on the phone. It seemed he was fighting himself on whether or not to share the news with her. He finally gave in, "It's Hoser, and he fell on the floor last night and couldn't get up. Mom called Scott early this morning and they went down to the vet's emergency office. They did some tests and said he had to go into surgery. When the vet came back out she told mom he had cancer everywhere. It was on his liver and kidney's and colon and stomach. They put him down."

Mandy's father broke down into tears. Hoser had been the dog they had gotten as a puppy in their last months as living together as a family. He was only seven years old. He had become part of the family with his silly antics and loving behavior. Mandy held herself together and soothed her father as best she could. Minutes later his sobbing had subsided and Mandy asked, "Is Mom OK? How is she taking this?"

"She's taking it really hard. She had a hard time telling me. I feel so horrible that I didn't get a chance to say good-bye."

Mandy thought to herself, most people might find tears over a dog insane, but their family had been animal lovers through and through. Mandy held her breath for a second to hold back the coming tears. Death wasn't something she had much dealt with in her life. She replied, "I'll go see mom. Don't worry daddy, I'll make sure she's OK."

Mandy hit her two bedroom apartment a couple minutes later and grabbed her own Pembroke Corgi. She loaded him into her Saturn and headed out to the downtown area. Sammy, her dog seemed to sense the pain and crawled gently into Mandy's lap. He laid his head against her stomach and sat for the thirty minute drive.

Mandy pulled into the driveway of her parent's newer three bedrooms home. It seemed quiet without Hoser barking his pleasure at her coming over. She grabbed Sammy's leash and walked in through the front door. Her mother was wearing pajamas and was red faced from crying. They embraced tightly and Mandy allowed her mother to sob the story to her again. Recounting every detail Mandy felt her stomach knot. They sat and talked together for an hour before Mandy saw her mother's fatigue clearly as she could barely manage to walk. Mandy took her mother to the room and tucked her in.

"I feel so horrible that I had to tell your father over the phone. He's all alone in Colorado and no one will understand. He was like a son to us." Sammy attempted to jump up on their king size bed but his little legs only allowed him to bob into the top of the mattress and fall back down. Mandy picked him up and he nestled himself between Mandy and her mother. Her mother's other dog Shakes, an energetic Jack Russell Terrier hopped gracefully upon the bed and laid on the other side of Mandy's mother.

"Mom, I'm sure daddy will be fine. You did everything you could. I just wish next time that you would tell me. I could have helped you out. You know that with your disease you shouldn't be dealing with this kind of stress by yourself."

Mandy was talking about her mother's multiple sclerosis. Her mother had been diagnosed with it while she was pregnant with Mandy. For many year's her mother blamed her for the disease, but lately their relationship had grown, and no blame was held on anyone.

Mandy's mother sobbed again, "I'm so tired; I didn't sleep well at all. I just don't know what to do. I wish your father was home."

Mandy curled up next to her mother and watched as her breath began to become slow and even. She let Shakes and Sammy out and cleaned the few dishes that were left in the sink. A few minutes later Mandy took Sammy and left the house. The drive home seemed long and lonely. Emptiness filled her as the tears began to stream down. She'd never let her family see these tears. She had always been the rock, if there was a problem they saw her as Super Woman; someone who could accept the difficulties and think clearly enough to move forward as well as mollify them.

It was late that Monday morning when Mandy and Sammy arrived back at the apartment. She flipped through her mail pile. She had a letter from her lawyer who had said they had a meeting with a Mediator next month. She rubbed her eyes that were now swollen, yet still smudged with dark circles. She was thankful to have that evening off of work.

Mandy fell back onto her couch and dialed Lucia. She had few friends; Lucia was the only one she ever really turned too. Lucia was more like family then her sister lately. "Hello?"

Mandy allowed the tears to fall again, "Lucia, oh it's horrible. Hoser died, my dad's still out of town and my mom is blaming herself."

Lucia's voice was soothing, "I'm so sorry honey. Is there anything I can do for you? Are you OK?"

Mandy swallowed hard, "You know it is getting more difficult these days. I'm trying to be there for them, yet I'm doing the court thing for Gabriel. It just seems life is getting too difficult."

"It will be ok," Lucia continued, "We'll get through this sweetie. Have you slept yet?"

"No."

"Why don't you try to get some sleep? It's almost noon and you need to take care of yourself better, have you eaten?"

"No."

Lucia sighed, "What am I going to do with you? Fix yourself some lunch, or do you want me to send you a pizza?"

"I'll be fine; I'll make a sandwich and get some sleep. Thank you, I'll call you later OK, I love you."

Lucia agreed.

Mandy forgot about eating, she didn't think she could stomach anything at this moment. She called her sister to make sure she was OK, but only got voicemail. This had seemed to become the norm between them. She curled up in bed and an hour later she finally drifted to sleep.

Mandy woke to Sammy licking her face profusely and saw the bright sun shining in her bedroom. She flipped open her cell phone that was perched on her night stand. It was Tuesday morning; she had three hours before she had to get ready for work at 2. She apologized to Sammy and tacked his leash on and took him for a walk. She called her mom and dad and made sure they were doing OK. Then she tried her sister.

The phone rang and then was answered, "Hello."

"Kari. Hey, how are you doing?"

Kari snuffled, "It's awful. I'm coming down tomorrow with the kids. Sean said I can stay as long as I need to."

Kari's husband Sean had been station in Oklahoma for the air force. Kari was a stay at home mother with her son and daughter. Michael, Mandy's nephew was just five weeks younger then Gabriel, yet he looked as though he could be eleven. Elizabeth, Mandy's niece was two and already acted like a spoiled little girl. They were both much loved children by the family. Mandy felt elation about their coming to town, but then given the circumstances was filled with pain that she would have to share the news of their dog's death with her own child come Wednesday. Mandy pondered how this would affect them.

"How are the kids taking the news?"

Kari began sobbing, "They are OK. I'm a mess though. I almost went over to Colorado yesterday to help daddy. He's all alone and Hoser was his dog."
Kari was daddy's little princess. Mandy was more like daddy's little boy, yet without certain portions of the male's anatomy.

Mandy sighed, "Are you sure you'll be OK to drive into town?"

Kari mumbled, "I don't care, daddy will be in town tomorrow and I want to be there for him. I'll see you tomorrow, I am going to start packing and take a long nap. I'm planning on leaving late tonight so the kids can sleep through the drive."

"OK, I love you Kari."
"Love you too, Brat-Brat."

Three hours later Mandy found the day had flown by and she was driving to work looking less then impressive. She pulled into her usual spot and made her way into the dispatch center. The noise was a gentle buzz and she made her way to her little box cubicle area to start her day.

The shift was flying by. She looked at the clock and realized she had been on duty for seven hours. She had skipped her break and had just taken all the calls she could. It was then that she heard her co-worker James, calling to her, "Line six Mandy."

"This is operator 714, how may I help you?"

"Mandy, it's your mother."

"Hi Mom, how are you doing?"

"I'm happy your dad is coming into town. But I have to leave Wednesday afternoon now."

Mandy's mother seemed OK so she relaxed and continued, "Why to you have to leave town?"

Mandy's mother continued, "Your grandmother called and Grandpa Ray died this evening. I have to go take care of everything."

Grandpa Ray was her mother's father who had been absent throughout the family's life. Mandy never received Christmas or Birthday cards from him, and had only seen him a handful of times in her life. However, the news seemed to be a slap in the face to her. She sucked her breath in and said, "Oh my God. Are you OK?"

Her mother sounded casual, "Yes, we knew it was going to happen because of his emphysema. I haven't cried at all, you know we didn't really have a relationship. I've cried more over Hoser."

Mandy quickly thought of an excuse, "Well, we are getting busy so I have to go. I love you. Call me if you need anything."

"Ok, honey."

As they disconnected Mandy fell into tears. She told her co-workers that she was going to take a quick break.

Outside Mandy lit a cigarette. She had almost fully quit but this was definitely a time to throw all her hard work to the wind. Tears streamed down her face and she paced back and forth. What was going on in the world?