Clementine lay sprawled on the bed next to AJ, pressing her face against a warm pillow. She could have sighed with contentment. The house they had found was like a godsend after their latest trek in the countryside. It had been a week since Jane's death, and they were on their way to Florida. The best news of all was there was a car on the ranch that had been left behind by the man who lived there, with the keys hanging on a wall near the door. Kenny had practically yelped with glee upon this discovery and Clementine couldn't believe their luck. It seemed to make up for Wellington not accepting the three of them.
"It's gonna feel so fuckin' good takin' off this dirty ol' shirt," Kenny said feverishly. He had been rummaging around the closet in the master bedroom, and found a new garment that seemed like it fit. "I'm gonna change in the bathroom and I'll be right back."
Clementine said nothing, wishing there were clothes her size, but it didn't seem like the man who had lived here had any children. She would have to change into a man's shirt which didn't sit too well with her, but it was better than nothing.
As she waited for Kenny, she surveyed the large bedroom, feeling both grateful and somewhat uneasy at the same time. No matter how many times they broke into someone's home, it never felt any less like they were intruding on someone's formerly humble abode. The large house was surprisingly modern looking despite it being hidden away in the countryside. The house as a whole was like a showcase of the owner's taste for art. He had many paintings and sketches framed around the house. He even had an easel that was collecting dust in the corner of his bedroom. An empty canvas was sitting on it, although they had not seen any of his other art supplies lying around so far. A couple of paperback books were lying on the nightstand, and a jacket had been lying on the floor when they'd entered.
AJ, who was lying next to her, was kicking his feet and giggling at nothing. Clementine made sure he didn't fall off the bed by blocking him and pulling him close to her.
"So? How do I look?"
Clementine shifted into a sitting position and immediately arched an eyebrow at Kenny's attire. It was a pearl white turtleneck with a knit pattern on the front, and it looked so unfitting on him she was momentarily dumbstruck. He still had his ratty cap on which stood out like a sore thumb.
Kenny frowned at her reaction. "Cat got your tongue?"
"It's just...not your style?" Clementine finally found her voice. "And that hat doesn't go with it. You should take it off."
Kenny self-consciously shook his head, like he was itching to get out of the shirt already. Maybe it was the way she was looking at him. "I ain't modelin', Clem. I never really dressed up, though, now that I think about it. Wasn't much of a fancy-shmancy type as you can probably guess. Feels a bit weird puttin' on a stranger's clothes, too, but it is what it is, I suppose." Kenny walked back into the bathroom to change out of the shirt.
Clementine had to admit Kenny didn't seem like the type of guy to have a very stylish wardrobe. But she also enjoyed seeing him try on something new. She was so used to seeing him wear the same musty shirt for days on end that it was depressing. The more she thought about it, though, the more she was tickled by him referring to a turtleneck as 'fancy-shmancy'.
Kenny returned to the bedroom, this time wearing a grey tee-shirt with a big fish caught by a fishing rod on it. In large printed font below the fish it said Lake Erie Fishing Extravaganza 2009.
"That," Clementine said, grinning at him. "That's your style."
Kenny scoffed, shaking his head before sitting down on the opposite corner of the bed.
"A bit eerie, ain't it? Almost like a premonition or somethin'." He paused, thinking for a moment. "Well, us country folk don't do much besides fishin' and huntin' anyway, so it probably ain't that surprisin'."
Clementine wasn't sure what it was, but she felt at ease sitting with Kenny and AJ on that bed. It felt strangely right. Like they just fit together like a puzzle. The added safety of the house they were in was like a bandage on her battered soul. She realized she had a smile plastered across her face, and suddenly felt awkward. Trying to make her expression neutral, she hoped Kenny didn't notice.
Kenny turned towards a mirror hanging on the wall. "I was thinkin' of shavin' my beard. It's gettin' kinda itchy," he mused rubbing his chin. "But it's too damn cold out and it keeps my face warm."
"Don't do it," Clementine said a little too quickly. Kenny turned towards her, arched an eyebrow in question as she continued. "You'd look weird without it. I mean…unless you maybe kept your mustache."
"Don't tell me you're attached to my beard, too," Kenny teased. "I was thinkin' of gettin' rid of it all, actually. Haven't had a clean-shaven face since I was a teenager. Was wonderin' how I'd look. But I guess you answered that question for me," he said chuckling.
"I don't know. Maybe you'd look good," Clementine said with a shy shrug, trying to imagine it. She realized it was like trying to imagine Santa Claus without facial hair. She wasn't so sure she wanted to see Kenny's pale bare upper lip. In fact, he may be right about her being attached to his beard. It made him look rugged and mature, which was a look she'd decided she liked on him.
"What do you think AJ?" Kenny playfully poked the baby's stomach, eliciting a massive, toothless grin. "Is Clem off her rocker, or will I look ugly as hell with a baby face?" AJ giggled happily. "Well I guess the verdict is in. I'll have to leave this mug alone," he said with a smirk.
The two sat in silence for a long moment, the baby cooing between them. Kenny's expression slowly softened, and he slipped into his own thoughts.
"What's wrong?" Clementine asked.
Kenny smiled softly, shaking his head. He stood up and walked over to a wall that displayed many framed paintings. He seemed enamored by one in particular, of a few flamingoes in a body of water. Although Clementine suspected that he was only pretending to be, to avoid looking at her as he spoke.
"Nothin's wrong, Clem," he said. "I was just wonderin' how you're doin'. You've been through so much yet you're still kickin'. Kills me inside thinkin' about the injustices you've had to deal with. Like losin' your parents, then Lee, and then Omid and Christa."
Clementine frowned. She avoided thinking about Christa because it made her chest ache with guilt. She never got over feeling like Omid and her baby's death had both been her fault. And possibly Christa's own death as well. She hadn't seen it happen, but she was sure she hadn't survived that last altercation in the woods.
"I'm alright, Kenny. You don't need to worry about me," she said more stiffly than she intended. She twiddled her fingers nervously, hoping for a change of subject.
"Just pisses me off that I saved her life only for her to end up dyin' anyway. The hell's up with that?"
She almost felt like he was pursuing the subject of Christa to purposely aggravate her. She squeezed a handful of the blanket she was sitting on in her hand. A knot had formed in her stomach.
"Christa hated me," Clementine blurted out.
"What?" Kenny turned towards her, startled.
Clementine averted her eyes. Great. It was too late to retract what she'd said. "She blamed me for Omid and her baby dying."
"Now Clem, I'm sure she didn't—"
"No, she did. I left my gun on a sink in a bathroom and someone came in, took it, and shot Omid." Clementine clenched her eyes shut in an attempt to ward off the tears that stung them, but it was to no avail. Just thinking about happy-go-lucky Omid dying so suddenly—because of her—killed her inside. "Then Christa felt like shit for the next month. I just know her condition probably caused the baby to be stillborn. And she hated me for it."
"It was just bad luck, Clem. If Christa blamed you for it, that's on her." Kenny spoke slowly, as though he were choosing his words carefully. He walked over to the dresser and began opening and closing drawers, digging through them. "She should know better. I thought she was smarter than that," he said under his breath as he pulled out two pairs of socks and set them on the dresser. "I'm sure Omid wouldn't have been bitter about it, at least. He was a good guy who wanted what was best for you. Hell, if nothin' else, I don't blame you for it. And I know I wasn't there, but I can sure as hell tell you I ain't ever been wrong 'bout nothin'." He pulled out a pair of boxers and set them beside the socks. Turning towards her, he crossed his arms and shot her a knowing smile.
Clementine wasn't sure if he was being serious or somewhat sarcastic with his last statement. Still, it was kind of him to try and make her feel better. Kenny wasn't the best when it came to consolation, but she supposed it was better than nothing. There was nothing that could fill that gaping hole in her heart anyway. Not unless she could go back and prevent Omid from dying in the first place. She supposed it was childish, but she did like Christa and hated that their relationship had ended up in tatters.
"People just want someone to blame for the bad hand they're dealt," Kenny continued, taking his hat off and running a hand through his dirty hair. "That's human nature, Clem. It makes it easier than sayin' 'oh well, this couldn't have been avoided'. You want someone to hate and be shitty to. That's all it was. Nothin' you should have taken personal. If you want me to put it simply, Christa was just bein' a bitch about it. I'd know."
Clementine turned to AJ, and absentmindedly caressed the side of his face, stroking his chubby cheek with a finger. She let him take hold of her finger in his tiny hand once he took notice of it. Tears welled up in her eyes for reasons she didn't understand. Perhaps it made her think of Christa's child, who would never have known how wonderful her parents would have been.
"It hurt, though," Clementine stressed, voice wavering. "She wouldn't talk to me unless she had to. And even then, it wasn't the same as before. Omid used to break the ice between us with his dumb jokes. But then over time, I started hating him for causing the rift between me and Christa. I even hated him for leaving us. I just missed him."
"And he ain't the type of guy you end up hatin'," Kenny said, as though he'd read her thoughts. He walked over to the nightstand next to her and took hold of one of the books, idly examining the cover before flipping the pages. "Clem you gotta understand you can't make everyone happy all the time. Eventually everyone's gonna hate you. Ain't nothin' you can do about it, really, 'cause that's life. That girl who killed Omid mighta had some circumstance that made her the way she was. And you mighta sympathized with her if you knew her better." He set the book back down and leaned against the wall to Clementine's left, began rubbing at his temples. "Not sayin' I'm okay with what she did. Just that it's all a matter of perspective. People are all about loyalty. Hatin' strangers and protectin' those who are part of their pack. Like animals to their fuckin' core."
"Christa shot and killed her after it happened. Without even thinking twice."
Kenny chuckled bitterly. "As much as I hate to say it, I mighta done the same if it was Sarita who'd been shot like that. Or you, of course."
Sarita. Clementine really hadn't had time to get to know the woman, but she had seemed pleasant and easygoing. A stark contrast to Kenny's hotheaded nature. They were kind of an awkward couple...funny, even, but maybe that was partly why she felt so dejected about them not working out in the end.
"Do you still think about Sarita?" Clementine felt a bit hesitant in asking. She had avoided the subject of Sarita since her death.
Kenny scoffed. "What, you think I forgot about her? Of course I do. I miss her. I miss her even more than I miss Kat, even though I didn't know her as long. She brought me out of a dark place instead of puttin' me in one. Stitched me back together again. I'll never forget that. And I just…" Kenny stopped, shifting uncomfortably against the wall.
"What?" Clementine said, interest piqued.
"I guess I just miss the company," he said awkwardly. "Or maybe just someone to keep my ass in line, at least. Not that I don't love havin' you around. It just ain't the...you know what I mean." He averted his eyes and blinked rapidly, a nervous motion that was unlike him.
Clementine nodded. She had seen Kenny and Sarita kiss a couple of times. It felt a bit weird, like seeing her dad kiss another woman. She felt happy for him seeing him being that affectionate with another person, even if it did make her feel uncomfortable sometimes. She always liked seeing him happy, because more often than not, he was irate and yelling at someone.
"There are other things I miss, though," Kenny said, as he regained his strength. "From before this fuckin' apocalypse. So much, actually. Like goin' on dates to the movies or out for dinner. Hostin' a barbeque. Watchin' Duck play a video game."
"I've never played a video game," Clementine said sadly. She frowned, noticing some drool dripping down AJ's chin. "My parents kept saying they'd buy me a console, but they never did. I feel like there's so much I never got to do." She decided to remove a pillowcase and used it to wipe off some of the drool from AJ's face. Kenny chuckled as he watched her.
"Maybe it's 'cause I'm an old bastard, but I ain't played too many games either. So you ain't alone if that makes you feel better," Kenny said. "And what you said ain't even true, Clem. You've done a hell of a lot that most kids never did."
"I don't mean anything related to walkers or saving people," Clementine said irritably. "I want to do normal things, Kenny. Like go shopping. Or read a book. Talk about dumb stuff with girls my age. I miss things like that. I never got to really appreciate it before I lost it."
"Yeah...the world ain't what it used to be. We're livin' in a damn horror movie so we don't even need to watch 'em. But look on the bright side. You've got some nice experiences outside of a TV screen. With all kinds of people who you got to know and care about. Somethin' real that you can't just make up. You got your own stories you can tell."
"I'd rather have the fake stuff if it means there aren't any walkers," Clementine said stubbornly.
Kenny sighed. "Yeah, well, I guess I can't blame ya for that, can I? Life sure was borin' back then, but that peace was kinda nice. Didn't have to worry somethin' might kill us in our sleep every night. The biggest worry was just how we'd pay the bills."
Talking about the past was always depressing, so they tended to avoid it. Clementine already felt her mood souring just wishing for normalcy in her life. Or at least for there to be no walkers. It was disturbing how often her thoughts revolved around the act of killing. Let alone how often she actually did it on any given day.
"Anyway, I'm sorry for bringing up Sarita," Clementine muttered, running her fingers through AJ's thin hair.
"It's okay," Kenny said with a soft sigh. "Look, I know what you're thinkin'. About how I shit on you for it. I was mean as hell back then and I don't know how many screws were loose in my head. All I know is I wasn't in my right mind knowin' I was about to lose the woman I loved again. You were just a youngin', and you didn't need to hear that...shit...spewin' from my mouth." Kenny spat this out with so much venom it startled Clementine. He looked like he was seething just thinking about his outburst. "Clem, I'm so sorry for what I said. There was nothin' you could do. I know you and I know you'd never let someone die like that. You're a good kid. A great kid. Really. I'm fuckin' sorry, darlin'."
Truthfully, Clementine had been deeply hurt when Kenny had berated her that day. He'd been so vicious it had almost made her cry right there in front of him. She'd only managed to suppress it by dissociating herself from the moment, trying desperately to block out his words. It had made her remember Christa all over again, feeling like she'd just caused another person's death. Except this time it was someone she cared about even more than Christa who was blaming her. Because Kenny didn't keep his distance from her. He was very open and welcoming, treating her like she was his own child.
And it was like a knife through the heart when he'd blamed her for Sarita's death.
Clementine swallowed hard. "I thought you were going to hit me or something."
Kenny gaped at her. "You're kiddin' right? You didn't really think that."
"Well, you beat the shit out of Arvo, didn't you?" Clementine couldn't help but say, despite knowing it was probably a bad idea to bring up that particular topic.
Kenny shook his head and laughed a little. "Fuckin' Arvo...he's different and you know it, Clem. That kid was a pain in all our asses, and he proved he deserved it in the end when he shot you."
Clementine's shoulder still felt sore, a phantom pain from the bullet. She had tried stopping Kenny from hitting him in the past, but she regretted it after she'd been shot. It was an agony unlike anything she'd ever felt before…a terrible ripping pain that made her want to sob into her hands because nothing alleviated it.
"But back to what you said about me hittin' you." Kenny sighed, raking a hand through his hair. "Clem, you know I'd never lay a hand on you. That's why I took the blame for that damn walkie. So I wouldn't have to see somethin' like that happen to you." He paused and she watched as he put two and two together. "It was Carver, wasn't it? Seein' that scared you."
"A...a little," Clementine admitted. "It was more than I was used to, I guess. I didn't expect you to not hold back like that."
AJ giggled as he kicked his legs playfully distracting them both momentarily.
Kenny walked over to the window and looked outside. She watched him press his forehead against the glass, breath fogging it up. "I...I'll admit I was a bit off my rocker," he finally said. "Probably still am, if I'm tellin' the truth. Haven't been the same since losing Kat and Duck. And then after Carver beat me to a pulp and I lost my eye, I just thought 'to hell with everything'. I ain't got nothin' else to lose. Of course, that was before Alvie was born and I realized I had you all along."
Hearing those words from him triggered a burst of emotion within Clementine, making her chest twinge pleasurably. A blush crept over her cheeks, and they felt flushed. The words tumbled effortlessly from her lips, the thoughts she'd been feeling for so long finally coming to the surface. "I know we still barely know each other, but I feel like it's been forever. I think that's why it felt so good seeing you again when we reunited."
Kenny turned to look at her oddly, before his eye creased tenderly. "Well, hey. The feelin's mutual kiddo. Couldn't have asked for a better team. Although it feels like you've always been doin' all the work. And now you got it even worse bein' that I depend on your two eyes whenever we cross paths with some damn walkers. I hate feelin' like a liability without that damn eye. It's harder protectin' you with this fuckin' blind spot."
"I think you're doing just fine. I mean, I barely noticed a difference from before."
Kenny shook his head. "Well, I noticed the difference. Sometimes when I'm cornered by a walker, another one is comin' from the side. I don't see it comin' until later than I would have before. Had a few close calls. I don't wanna worry you by talkin' about it too much, but it is what it is."
Clementine looked at Kenny's eye bandage. Behind it, she knew his eye was a purple disfiguring mass.
"It's feeling better, right? Since I looked at it last?"
She had tried easing his pain by inspecting his eye recently, and he'd told her it felt a bit better, but she wasn't sure if he was just trying to pacify her. She'd felt concerned because Jane had stabbed at it with her fingers, possibly damaging its nerves.
Kenny smiled softly as he walked towards the mirror and raised his bandage, taking a look at the wounded eye. Clementine's own eyes watered just looking at it. It was like someone had smeared blackberry juice across it. "Feels like shit, if you want my honesty. But it ain't as bad as it was before, keepin' me up at night, rubbin' it constantly. You helped with that, darlin'."
Clementine beamed at the praise. She wanted to show Kenny how much she cared for him, so when opportunities presented themselves, she took advantage of them. Even though they hadn't known each other for very long, they'd shared intimate moments that had forced a deep connection between them.
With Kenny, she felt like she was safe. He made her feel that way. Like nothing could hurt her, not really, as long as he was by her side. Perhaps he himself was the only one who could truly hurt her.
"I just...I just hope we can stick together," Clementine said, voice cracking with emotion. "I don't want to lose you like the others."
Kenny turned towards her and made his way over to the bed, sitting across from her. He reached to take hold of her hand and squeezed it reassuringly. His hand felt rough and calloused, yet oddly comforting. "You ain't got nothin' to worry about, 'cause I ain't leavin'. I promise you that." He paused, grabbing one of AJ's tiny feet gently. He stared at the baby for several seconds. "And when we get to Florida, we can make a home for ourselves there. Like...you know... a family."
That word, family, sounded almost blissful uttered from his lips.
Clementine wanted to say he couldn't promise her something like that, but his words were so comforting she didn't want to voice opposition to it. So she just sniffled, nodding to herself.
"Yeah," she said. "A family."