--
First of FallAs of today, I feel sympathy towards Jack. I'll explain why.
He proposed to me today with a Blue Feather that looks he just used it to dust off his barn. Had anyone else seen what it looked like, they would've violently turned various shades of red and walked off, too. This is, in great detail, exactly what happened.
It's the first day of my favorite season, and I was looking forward to going out and picking some Trick Blue in the welcoming afternoon sunshine. Only...I should never have even set foot outside of the Inn since all that would await me out there an hour later was an empty street and Jack riding up on a scrawny horse with a Blue Feather practically flying out of his hand. Of course, my resistance to the natural Fall atmosphere is little to null, so I decided to, dare I say, pursue the great outdoors. Then of course, I after paying a visit to the small swamp neighboring Cody's trailer, I decided to go up the cobbled street to visit the plantation. Since there was obviously no other alternate way unless I really wanted to swim across the river/stream, I ran into Jack right smack dab infront of the Inn. It was like the sun had just sunk below the horizon and all the evils of the world had come out to play.
With the most repulsively sweet, over-exaggerated smile in the world, Jack leapt off his horse (that very much looked like it were going to collapse) and went up to me. Not like a man would usually propose to a woman, but he was doing well so far in terms of visuals. At least he wasn't spewing energy drink left and right. So here I was, thinking he was going to brag and say he was misleading Muffy the whole time with this pathetic drama and going to propose to her really quick and make her day. Instead of walking past me into the Blue Bar yards away, he stepped right infront of me and bent down...halfway to the ground on one knee. He was literally just hanging in midair with one knee bent.
"I don't want to get my jeans dirty," he explained to me. Apparently he thought this was classy. I thought otherwise. Right now, the worst thought came into my mind. That he was going to propose to me. Should the heavens have struck me down with lightning at that moment I would've been ecstatic. And here came the terrible conversation that shook me so hard as to the reality of this situation. He hadn't been stalking me for nothing. He had been plucking up the courage for the following event to carry through.
Jack: "I recently got this from the Harvest Sprites."
Me: "Oh. How kind of them."
Jack: "I am here to say something I would never have thought of saying before."
Me: "And what's that?"
Jack: "I am here to propose to you, my lady of few words." (Please, someone get me the sink.)
Me: "I'm...sorry."
Jack: "What?"
And that's when I walked away. I couldn't take it anymore. I was tired of ridiculing him needlessly because he didn't learn his lesson the first few times. After thinking it over a while, it was uselessly to hurt him even more through any other way and it was just...heartless. After seeing what Muffy went through after Jack's rejection, as despicable as he was, did I really want him to hurt him that much? What had he ever done to me other than poison me with milk and kill me by shoving me down a well to get my attention? Perhaps he did deserve it, but I toughed it out. What he did to me didn't affect my mental state and how I went through life (Other than make me try and avoid him as much as possible.) But what would happen if I destroyed him inside out by shooting him down after he proposed to me? I didn't have the heart and strength to do that – I am antisocial and unfeeling sometimes...but I'm not cruel.
I know very well that you shouldn't mess with love. When it's over, it's over. It's pure evil to destroy someone because they love you and you don't feel the same...like Jack did to Muffy.
I don't want to be like him. I sound stupid saying thing, and maybe I am being just a complete sap and thinking this too deeply, but...it's true. This is my journal, and I can say what I think without anyone thinking I'm being a brainless fool for it. This is what I feel. Jack is a human being, and even though I treat him like he can't feel, I know he can. He hurts whenever someone stabs him in the back and talks behind his back. He can't sleep at night when he knows he's been betrayed. He can't heal when someone's damaged him horribly. And like everyone else...he has secrets and he hides things from the rest of the world.
Maybe he still loves Muffy but he wants to cover up his mistake of dropping her like garbage by trying to fall in love with me. Perhaps he still wants to patch up the scars he has knowing his father is no longer there for him by looking for a replacement to care for him like his father had. Or maybe he just can't forget the unconditional love his mother had given him and when he had left her, he craved for the same thing even more. And with his mother so far out of reach, he saw some of his mother in me. Maybe it was the way I walked, or the way I reacted to him. We don't know, and I certainly don't, but the more passive side of my spirit tells me that much. Something tells me that he's carrying a fake face.
But I can't be his because I still have these unexplained feelings for Gustafa. I just have a strong connection towards him that's more complicated to explain than atomic structure. Yet...I have a feeling that Jack will find someone soon who loves him the same way.