DISCLAIMER: I don't own Gravitation. I don't own the characters, the places or anything. This story is for entertainment purposes only and I have shamelessly made Sakuma Ryuichi more sensible than what he should be, and Shuichi less in love with Yuki than what he should be. My apologies. -Lances
. .
A Brilliant, Dancing Dream
by Lances
It was an ordinary evening. The cloudy, darkening sky was shimmering pale yellow because of the lights of the city, the wind was gently waving the curtains by an open window and the air was as perfectly fresh and chilly as it always was on late autumn evenings –and Shindou Shuichi was sitting on Sakuma Ryuichi's fluffy grey couch, as he always was on late, desolate evenings. Harbouring an empty mug of hot chocolate, the pink-haired leader of Bad Luck was slumped against the pillows, staring straight ahead and looking horribly alone despite his famous company.
He'd been sitting there like that for the best part of the past three hours, already, and was – unknowingly – making his host considerably uncomfortable.
"Shuichi… I really need to talk to you about something."
Surprised, awakened from his thoughts, the young man glanced at his friend through a veil of damp hair that fell over his eyes that were swollen from countless tears. "Sakuma-san...?"
"You can't keep doing this, you know. I mean, coming to my place every time Yuki Eiri throws you out." Ryuichi pushed his hands into his pockets and looked out the window into the gloomy night. "It's... It's getting a bit... inconvenient."
Shuichi stiffened with fear and sorrow. "Is... Is it really bothering you, Sakuma-san?"
The dark-haired man scratched his head beneath the red bandana he was wearing. "Yeah, it is."
Shuichi felt his heart grow heavy and new tears spilled out of his eyes. There it was, then. Nobody wanted him around, anymore. Not even the kind, caring Ryu-chan who was born to be everybody's friend.
"Why don't you go bunk with your friend Hiro? I'm sure he'd be glad to take you in."
Shuichi swallowed and nodded. "Yeah. I... I understand. I'll just go, then."
"It's for your own best, Shu-chan. You might not see it now, but... Please believe me. This is all for your own best."
"Okay." Shuichi stood up, threw on his jacket and dragged himself towards the door, his steps heavy. He didn't look back, but he could hear Sakuma-san heaving a deep sigh behind him. Fighting against new tears, Shuichi slipped out of the apartment and into the empty, cold hallway.
Where was he supposed to go again? Not to Hiro's place, that was certain. Hiro had just recently moved in with Ayaka-chan and there really was no place for a brat like him in their household right now. Besides, Ayaka-chan really liked to bitch-slap him rather often, and Shuichi really didn't like to be bitch-slapped tonight. Furthermore, the pair happened to be currently on holiday somewhere around Kyoto and therefore not home at all.
Dragging himself slowly towards the park that was already so familiar to him, Shuichi began to think of his life. He supposed he had a good life in general. Oh, yes, in general... those were rather nice words, when one came to think of them, really. In general, he had the gorgeous writer Yuki Eiri as his lover. In general, he had the notorious Sakuma Ryuichi as his friend, and in general they had fun together every time they met. In general, Hiro was always there to take care of him should the need arise, and in general Hiro didn't turn him down for Ayaka-chan's sake. In general, Shuichi didn't feel suicidal like right now.
"Where should I go, where should I go...?" Shuichi shivered as the cold evening air wrapped its merciless tendrils around his small body, and he pulled the jacket more firmly around himself. "Not back home to Yuki... not back to Sakuma-san's... Why is it that nobody wants me around? Am I so horrible? Am I really such a burden to everyone?"
Shuichi sat down on a lone bench and pulled his knees to his chest. Yes, he thought, he really was rather annoying. As a spontaneous, cheerful and rather unthinking person, he must get on people's nerves rather often. Especially when those particular people were calm, calculating, withdrawn and sensible like Yuki.
Yuki... Shuichi sighed. It was a miracle how he'd managed to capture the heart of such an elusive, distant man in the first place. Or had he? Had he really captured Yuki's heart?
Shuichi knew Yuki didn't still, after all these years, notice him the way a proper boyfriend should notice his lover. Yuki didn't actually seem to give a rat's arse how Shuichi was doing unless he was feeling uncommonly guilty about something. Now, for example, the young singer hadn't eaten properly in what seemed like weeks and he was carrying black crescents beneath his eyes due to lack of sleep, and Yuki hadn't noticed. Yuki hadn't even noticed how drawn out and depressed Shuichi was; had been for months in row.
Frowning, Shuichi watched as a lone squirrel scuttered past him, in search of food or something. It was timid and vigilant, watching the young man with gleaming black eyes as it moved. Shuichi was instantly reminded of himself and looked away. This was just like he was acting around Yuki these days: fearful and constantly alert.
Shuichi shook his head. He knew that his relationship with Yuki had been stormy and full of arguments from the beginning. He had bravely ignored it all this far, but things should have slowly changed by now. Things should have calmed down by now. True, the make-up sex was amazing and somehow Shuichi even liked the cold side in his lover, but once in a while he came to think whether or not there would actually be a real future for their relationship.
The paranoid squirrel disappeared, continuing its mysterious squirrel business somewhere out of sight. Shuichi started when his cell phone began to ring. The name flashing on the screen was Sakuma-san's. Frowning, he answered the call.
"Where are you, Shu-chan?" Ryuichi sounded rather worried.
"Well I'm... I'm..." Squeezing his eyes shut and massaging his temple with his free hand, Shuichi decided he might as well calm down his friend. There was no reason why Ryuichi should feel guilty about throwing him out. After all, that's what Yuki did all the time, and Yuki was even his lover, the last time Shuichi checked. Sakuma Ryuichi was not anyhow responsible for his comfort. "Everything's fine, Sakuma-san. I'm just on my way to Hiro's place."
"You are? Really?"
"Of course I am? Why do you ask?"
"Because I just called Tohma and he told me Hiro's in Kyoto."
Shuichi began to play with a dry, fallen leaf that lay on the bench beside him. "Yeah, well, I've got spare keys. Don't worry, I'll manage."
"Shuichi..." There was a certain amount of anxiety in Ryuichi's voice. "I'm worried about you. Please, come back to my place. We'll talk."
"I wish Yuki would even once say those words to me," Shuichi muttered, feeling petulant.
"Well, so do I, and I'm really sorry that I'm not Yuki." Ryuichi was silent for a moment, and then he coughed. "But there really is something I need to tell you. I need to explain something to you. Would you just come back, please?"
"Sakuma-san, I really don't think I should..."
"Shut up and just get back here!" Ryuichi growled. "If you're not behind my door in fifteen minutes, I'll send K after you with a sniper."
"You wouldn't!"
"I would, too."
Shuichi sighed and leaned his forehead against his palm, a small grin ghosting over his mouth. There really wasn't anywhere else he could go right now, unless he wished to spend the night in the cold park. "Okay, then. I'll come. But just for the night. I don't want to be a burden to you anymore, and..."
"...beep... beep... beep..."
"...and it was nice talking to you too, Sakuma-san."
Shuichi put his phone away, stood up and stretched. His limbs were a bit stiffened after sitting on the cold bench, and he decided to jog back to Ryuichi's.
--
Sakuma-san really was a good friend, Shuichi thought while running along the almost deserted streets. Not everyone would put up with him like this. Having just moments ago established the fact that he was somewhat of a burden to his friends, what with all his roller-coaster moods and crazy whims, Shuichi really appreciated Ryuichi's kindness in a situation like this.
Well. Actually there had been quite a few situations like this before, and he'd spent quite a few nights over at his place before, which made Ryuichi's kindness even more appreciated.
Panting, Shuichi reached the brilliant silver-blue skyscraper where Ryuichi's lofty apartment was situated. He greeted the man at the door and went to the elevators. He'd been here so many times before that the lobby personnel didn't even care to register him. Shrugging his jacket off, he stepped into the elevator and chose the floor 54. Ryuichi really had a nice, nice home, in Shuichi's opinion.
"You came! I'm so happy!" Before the elevator doors had properly even had time to open, Shuichi was pulled out of the cubicle and was dragged along the long aisle by none other than his moonstruck host. "Smashing, brilliant, wonderful! I'll make us drinks and we'll talk. I'm so happy you came, Shu-chan. Kumagoro's happy as well."
"Er..." Shuichi was somewhat taken aback by the change in Sakuma Ryuichi. Only moments ago the man had been a completely different person from this world-embracing, loony git; he'd been serious and grave, even troubled, but now there was no trace left of such gloomy feelings. It suited Shuichi just fine. He felt somewhat awkward around gloomy people. "Are you sure I'm not troubling you?"
Ryuichi threw the pink-haired man inside his apartment and closed the door behind them. "I can't really say you're not troubling me, Shu-chan, because you are. But not in the way you think."
"What...?"
"Please, go and sit on the living room couch and open the telly if you wish. I'll bring us something to drink and then we'll have our conversation."
"But...?"
"Sparkle, sparkle, Shuichi. Don't look so worried. I don't like it when you look so worried."
Shrugging, Shuichi made his way to the living room while Ryuichi disappeared into the kitchen. Moments later, they were both seated next to each other on the couch, holding cool drinks in their hands. Ryuichi threw off his red bandeau and tousled his shiny dark hair. He was biting his lower lip as if there was something he would want to say but didn't dare.
"So..." Shuichi began. "I came back, just as you wished. But... I'm still getting the idea I'm not welcome."
"No, that's not it. It's..." Ryuichi cleared his throat. "When I said that you trouble me..."
"...yes?"
"...I meant that you... you... trouble me."
"Then I'll just go!" Shuichi spread his arms, feeling frustrated.
"NO! Don't go. I don't want you to go." Ryuichi grabbed Shuichi's arm. "I mean, not unless you really want to. After I've said what I have to say."
"You're not making much sense here, Sakuma-san. Besides, you're scaring me off."
Ryuichi smiled at him then, and Shuichi felt relief spreading all over his body. Ryu-chan really had a beautiful, catching smile and it was always genuine. Shuichi had always liked it very much.
The hand on Shuichi's arm retreated and began to fiddle with the dark locks that fell over the vibrant blue eyes. "Shuichi... You're troubling me because you're making me think unthinkable things. Scary things. Forbidden things."
"What kind of forbidden things?" Shuichi asked, eyes wide, his gaze never leaving the hypnotizing movement of that hand that was moving through the silky hair. "Do you want to kill me or something?"
Ryuichi gulped down half of his drink and gave a laugh. "No, I don't want to kill you. I want to fuck you, stupid."
Shuichi gasped, eyes widening even more if possible. "W-what?"
Ryuichi took a deep sigh and craned his neck so that he was facing the ceiling. His dark blue eyes were staring straight ahead, trying perhaps not to see anything else besides the dull white paint. "I'm saying, it's not good for you to come to me every time you and Eiri-san fight. Because I'm finding you curiously attractive and my desire is growing by your every visit. I know you love your precious, gorgeous Yuki more than anything in this world, and that's why this is all so troubling. I'm beginning to feel jealous of you, and that's not going to lead to anything but myself getting either hurt or out of control. Meaning, I might... try something, if you come too often."
"Really?" Shuichi could not stop staring. "You really find me attractive?"
Ryuichi greedily enjoyed the last of his drink and stood up. "Yeah, I do. That's why I threw you out tonight. I was afraid I might... lose control. Forget my place."
Shuichi blushed and looked down at his own, untouched drink. "I'm sorry."
"Yes, well..." Ryuichi walked towards the kitchen in order to refill his glass. "So am I."
Shuichi was left alone in the living room, alone with his reeling thoughts. Did Sakuma Ryuichi just declare to me that he wants me? Shuichi couldn't help but feel a little flattered, if also completely stunned. After all, Sakuma-san was the day-dream of nearly every boy and girl in Japan, perhaps even Europe, and he did have a rather nice arse. Shuichi would have been blind not to notice.
Gripping his glass with vigour, Shuichi drowned the entire drink with one go. What would Yuki say if he knew what I was thinking right now? Shuichi was disgusted with himself. He could never betray Yuki. He loved Yuki. Then again, another voice in his head was telling him that maybe Yuki wouldn't even care. Maybe Yuki wouldn't even be jealous of him. The blond-haired man had never been jealous, so why would he be now? Maybe Yuki wouldn't mind sharing? Shuichi slapped himself on the cheek and shook his head. No, no, NO.
Ryuichi came back from the kitchen, looking somewhat more composed than before. "Everything alright?"
"Uh, yeah." Shuichi couldn't look his host in the eye.
"Okay, then." Ryuichi leaned against the wall, hanging his head. "You can still stay the night, if you want. I'm not going to rape you or anything. I just thought you should know how I feel, lest I should... moan in my sleep or something. Do you want more drink?"
"Yes, please." Shuichi held out his empty glass. "Make it double strong. I think I'm going to need it tonight."
Ryuichi raised his eyebrow, but complied without questioning. After all, who was he to tell Shuichi what to do in a situation like this –after a revelation like this. He had absolutely no say in the pink-haired singer's life, and he would do well to remember it. Even though it did concern him that Shuichi would want to get drunk. After all, it was only Tuesday.
"Would you come and sit with me here on the couch, Sakuma-san?" Shuichi asked as Ryuichi handed him the re-filled glass.
"I don't think it's a good idea, Shu-chan. I don't want you to feel uncomfortable."
Shuichi smiled. "Come now, don't be so serious. This is not like you at all! Relax and be your own, silly self again. You're much easier to comprehend when you're acting crazy."
Ryuichi couldn't but laugh. "That's the stupidest thing I have ever heard."
"Possibly. But it's true. You're acting totally weird."
"Weird like what?" Ryuichi frowned, looking rather alarmingly adorable in Shuichi's opinion.
"Weird like... sensible. Weird like fully sane." Shuichi smirked.
"Really?" The dark-haired man looked thrilled. "I'm so happy! I never knew I could do that! Act sane, I mean. Because, you know, they say I'm not."
Shuichi gave a short laugh and pulled a blanket over his shoulders. "Where's Kumagoro? Bring him here, I want to hold him."
Ryuichi fished the stuffed bunny out of somewhere and gave it to his guest. Then he settled next to the younger man, sitting cross-legged on the sofa. "So."
"So. I guess I must call Yuki."
Ryuichi stiffened and went pale. "You're going to tell him? He's going to kill me for sure! Please, Shu-chan, don't tell him! I'll give you anything you want if only you don't tell him! I'll give you my shirt –this nice frilly one I know you've watched many times, the one I wore at one of my concerts! I'll give it to you, and I'll also give you my popcorn maker, the one you have always found so wonderful. And maybe also one of my diamond rings, just to be sure, I really have plenty of them and they're all really nice. You'll get to pick! Just please, don't tell Eiri-san about this! I don't want to die!"
"Calm down, silly, I'm not telling him a word." Shuichi laughed. "As if he deserves to know, the way he's treated me lately!"
"Really? Really, really?" Ryuichi clasped his hands together and looked at Shuichi, eyes pleading.
"Really. This here..." Shuichi motioned between them. "...This is all between us, and us alone. It's our little secret."
"But why do you call Yuki then?" The dark-haired man asked with a small voice and a little pout.
"I want to know if he even wonders where I am. I never told him I was coming here, you know." Shuichi selected Yuki's number as he spoke. "I just left without a word."
Ryuichi nodded and began to play with Kumagoro as Shuichi waited for Yuki to answer.
"What now, baka?"
"Hello to you, too, Yuki." Shuichi bit back a sharp reply. "I was just wondering, it's almost midnight... are you finished with writing for the day, already?"
"Why are you calling me and asking me such inane things? Of course I'm not finished, the book must be out next month and I have still six chapters to edit! Didn't I tell you not to disturb me?"
"So you're mad at me, still." Shuichi frowned. "Hey, where do you suppose I sleep tonight, if I can't come home?"
"I never said you can't come home. Just make sure you won't get on my nerves if you do."
"Mind much if I stay with a friend?"
"Not in the least."
"Well, then. I'll see you tomorrow after work. Good night, Yu..."
Yuki hung up wihtout another word. Shuichi let out a breath he hadn't even realised he'd been holding. Then he tossed the cell phone on the soft-carpeted floor and turned to Ryuichi. "Mind if I stay here? Honestly?"
Kumagoro replied in Ryuichi's stead. "Shuichi-san can always stay. Kumagaro loves Shuichi. So does Ryu-chan."
Shuichi smiled despite himself and patted the bunny on the head. "Alright, that's a bit too much. Talking about love, I mean."
"But why?" Kumagoro held his pink, flappy ears down with its palms, looking embarrassed.
"Yuki has never told me he loves me. It's..." Shuichi massaged his eyes. "I guess, to me, it sounds somehow... wrong... when somebody else tells me those words in his stead."
"It's only natural that you want to hear them from Eiri-san." Ryuichi reached out and gently pushed a wild tendril of Shuichi's pink hair behind his ear. "And not from anybody else."
Shuichi shrugged and closed his eyes. "Yeah."
"Well, then." Ryuichi stretched his limbs and yawned. Then he tossed the TV's remote control to the younger man and lazily stood up. "I guess it's time for us to get some sleep. Long day tomorrow, ne? You can sleep on the couch like usual."
"Okay. Whatever." Shuichi grabbed the remote and began to scroll through the channels.
"Nighty night, Shu-chan."
Shuichi glanced at the other man, suddenly a little bit shy. Wild, wanton thoughts filled his thoughts again when he watched the Nittle Grasper singer shedding his shirt while walking towards the bedroom. "G'night, Sakuma-san. Beautiful dreams."
Ryuichi grinned from the bedroom door and closed it behind him.
--
Two hours passed. Shuichi was still watching the large, 46" plasma television, although nothing reasonable was on the show. Well, not exactly watching, because even though his eyes were following the enthusiastic movements of an annoying-looking sales woman on the Commercial Channel, his eyes were registering nothing. Absolutely nothing else could penetrate his mind except Ryuichi's soft snores that were drifting from the other room.
Images –no, memories- of Sakuma-san began to flash in his mind, and he explored them for a while. They were all happy memories, or at least amusing, and Shuichi found himself smiling despite the corners of his eyes were wet with tears. He remembered the first time he'd met with his long-time idol. It was in the beginning of his singer's career, of the entire career of Bad Luck, and the worldly Sakuma Ryuichi had literally saved it. Shuichi could still hear that beautiful voice, still hear Ryuichi singing without the distraction of music, walking down through the entire audience of wild teenagers towards him, looking so mysterious, so exciting, so completely desirable... Despite the funny cap he had been wearing.
Then there was the day when Nittle Grasper had rearranged its lines and returned. Ryuichi's first performance for the Hit Stage had made Shuichi outright collapse. It had been so beautiful, so touching and so perfect. But it had also been an eye-opener for Shuichi. The younger singer could never forget the change in Sakuma-san as he began to perform; the concentration, the flash in the blue eyes that indicated his total, unwavering devotion to singing. There had been no trace of the silly, funny nutcase he otherwise pretended to be.
Pretended... Shuichi frowned. Why is it that Ryu-chan has to pretend? Or is he truly nuts like everyone says?
Somehow, Shuichi couldn't believe that. Tonight, for example, Ryuichi had shown him more of his true self than ever before, and his true self seemed to be everything but nuts. His true self, although still good-humoured, pleasing and attentive, was also careful, guarded and even afraid. He did not joke about things that really touched his heart, and he certainly never joked about Shuichi's problems with Yuki. He also seemed to be keeping a lot inside, Shuichi realised. A lot of denied feelings, a lot of pain... It all showed in his eyes, sometimes, when Shuichi surprised him in the middle of his thoughts. Putting on a mask of a lunatic in order to hide his true emotions, his weaknesses, was perhaps a very calculated thing after all.
Or a hobby, of some sort.
Shuichi shortly wondered if he should develop himself an alternate personality as well. Maybe he could act crazy, too? Not that he needed much acting. Laughing softly at himself, Shuichi stood up and stretched. Then he noticed the numerous photographs, advertisements and posters that were covering the entrance hall walls and, although he had seen them before, went to admire them.
There was Sakuma Ryuichi, looking as dashing as always, smiling in each and every one of the pictures. It was like Sakuma Ryuichi's diary plastered all over the walls, minus secret details. Shuichi grinned and ghosted his fingers over them all, finally stopping to admire the last and largest picture. It was new; Shuichi surely would have remembered if he had seen it before, since it was Absolutely Hypnotizing. Ryuichi was only half dressed in it, looking like the wettest dream ever dreamed, advertising some new cologne.
"You are so very beautiful, Ryu-chan," Shuichi whispered. "I hope you know that."
Startled by his own thoughts, Shuichi blushed and took his hand away. Unwanted thoughts reeling in mind, he tried to think of something or somebody else than his friend. But it was all in vain. Nothing, it seemed, could turn Shuichi's thoughts away from Sakuma Ryuichi tonight. His -unhealthy?- attachment to Yuki had previously prevented him from thinking about Sakuma-san as anything other than a friend, but he was rapidly taking back all of those lost thoughts. He wondered when Ryuichi had last got laid, and with whom, and whether he would be up to it tonight as well.
No, no... I don't want him. I do NOT want him.
But the thought was already there; the seed had been sown, and the roots were already deep. Ryuichi was the most important person in Shuichi's life right now, if not counted Yuki. Shuichi had not even considered bothering any of his other friends in the longest time, not even Hiro. It was always Sakuma-san these days, always, and never anybody else. It could never be anybody else...
Shuichi realised he had been slowly massaging his erection through his trousers and jerked his hand away in horror. If only Ryu-chan's pictures could make his body react this way, then how would the real thing affect? Now that Shuichi had given himself the freedom of thought, he could rapidly conjure up various scenes where he would let Sakuma Ryuichi fuck himself mercilessly in hell and back.
Deciding a cold shower would be in order, Shuichi all but ran into the bathroom.
--
Getting out of the bathroom, Shuichi pulled on his t-shirt and began to dry his hair. He kicked his old trousers and underwear aside, unwilling to put them on. He would borrow Ryuichi's pajamas tonight, he decided as he viciously tousled his hair with the dark blue towel. Maybe he would borrow Ryuichi's pajamas even literally. He smirked as he pictured himself ripping the pajamas off Ryuichi's body, exposing the gorgeous sight beneath them.
Frustrated with himself, Shuichi growled and tossed the towel on the floor. He then made his way to the bedroom door and silently peered inside. His eyes were hurting and he couldn't see much in the darkness, but he slipped inside nonetheless. He knew his eyesight would soon adjust, and besides he knew the apartment already so well that he really didn't need eyes to navigate around.
He found the wardrobe without much difficulties and felt for a pair of soft trousers. He found them easily and slipped them on. Then he turned around to check the sleeping beauty that was actually his halfway intoxicated host, snoring under the covers. It was just too irresistible a sight to be completely ignored.
Shuichi softly knelt on the bed and crept across the enormous mattress to Ryuichi's side. He had but once before slept in this same bed with his idol; once when he had been feverish. Ryuichi had been taking care of him in the most attentive of ways, and Shuichi had enjoyed his sickness immensely, never wanting to get well again. It was sad that Yuki only rarely bothered to pamper him or spoil him like Ryuichi always did.
Yuki... Shuichi suddenly remembered his real boyfriend and froze. Why had he come here, why? This was wrong. He shouldn't be in this bed right now, with Sakuma-san sleeping right next to him. Why did he tease himself like this? What in the world had brought him here tonight? Ryuichi's flattering words from earlier? Some sort of sixth sense? No... In reality, it had probably been just his sex-starven dick guiding his steps.
Shuichi shook his head viciously, wanting to chase such sinful thoughts out of his head. No, he was not here to seek satisfaction that he so sorely needed. He was not.
Oh, but he damn well was.
Grinning mischievously, Shuichi leaned down and planted a soft kiss on Ryuichi's temple. "Wake up, Ryu-chan."
His voice was such a silent whisper that it did not reach the sleeping man's hearing. Shuichi snuggled even closer, trailing his nose along Ryuichi's cheek. "Wake up, Ryu-chan... Wake up..."
Ryuichi stirred, but didn't open his eyes. Shuichi kissed his way down Ryuichi's jawline before nibbling gently on his earlobe. This awakened the Nittle Grasper artist with a start, and Shuichi grinned down at his wide-eyed prey. Ryuichi's dazzling blue eyes were wide open, and their faces were so close that Shuichi could feel the other man's quickening breath on his skin.
"S-Shu-chan? W-what are you doing?"
Shuichi tangled his hand in Ryuichi's messy hair and held him firmly in place. "I'm going to kiss you."
"What? But Shu-ch... mmmfff..."
Shuichi cut off Ryuichi's protests and pulled him into a deep French kiss. He didn't have to wait long for the other man to answer. He deepened the kiss and explored Ryuichi's mouth tenderly, lovingly, while his free hand roamed downwards to get in contact with some bare skin. Shuichi could feel his friend shivering beneath him when he pulled the shirt up and trailed his fingers across Ryuichi's abdominal muscles and teased his nipples.
Getting suddenly aggressive, Ryuichi rolled them around and pinned Shuichi against the bed with the weight of his body. His eyes held a cold expression that indicated something terribly rare: Sakuma Ryuichi was angry.
"Don't tempt me, Shuichi! You're playing a dangerous game here."
Shuichi, helplessly aroused by this dominant side of Ryuichi, licked his lips and tried to kiss the man again. However, this time Ryuichi pulled his face away just so that Shuichi couldn't quite reach his lips. "Nah-uh, Shu-chan... No way."
"But I thought you wanted me!" Shuichi whined and bucked his hips upwards, grinding against his friend's groin. "I thought you wanted to fuck me."
Ryuichi hissed with pleasure. "Stop it! I mean it."
"You look so cute when you're angry!" Shuichi cooed.
"I'm not cute. I'm dangerous."
"Oh, really?" Shuichi's quick hands found their way beneath Ryuichi's pants and around the growing erection. He gasped as he realised his friend was quite well-equipped there; perhaps even more so than Yuki.
"Oh, fuck, no you don't!" Ryuichi grabbed Shuichi's wrists, pulled the diligent hands out of his pants and locked them in a death grip above the other man's head. He glared at the insolent brat with furious eyes. "When I say I'm dangerous, I mean it. Why would you think I threw you out of my house today? Just for the fun of it? No, Shuichi, I really had a strong meaning behind my actions. So don't play with me."
"Why don't you play with me instead?" Shuichi whispered, eyes dilated with lust.
"If you want to forget your troubles with Eiri-san, this isn't exactly the right way to go about it. True, I told you I wanted you, but I'm not going to get involved. No fucking way."
Shuichi was stone hard. This fierce side of Ryuichi was more than his libido could take. "Sakuma-san... Please..."
"No." Ryuichi sat back, covered his face and growled into his hands. "No."
"Yes." Shuichi wrapped his arms around the other man who was straddling him. "Yes."
"Shuichi, listen to me. No matter what bullshit you're trying to feed yourself right now, we both know you can't eventually handle the guilt brought by your rash behaviour." Ryuichi brought his hands around the smaller man and pulled his head against his chest. "Believe me, Shu-chan... Even though you must generally think that I'm bonkers, the way I always act in public, I do have some sense left in me. And I'm telling you, letting me fuck you into the mattress isn't going to solve your problems with Yuki Eiri."
"I'm not going to solve my problems with him," Shuichi murmured in Ryuichi's chest. "I'm going to leave him."
"What?" Ryuichi lifted the younger man's chin up. "Of... Of what are you talking?"
To everybody's surprise, even Kumagoro's it seemed, Shuichi broke down and began to wail. "I can't stand it any longer! I just can't! I have tried so hard, I've tried my fucking best, but nothing's enough for him! I never do anything right, I never say anything right! And I feel like I'm suffocating, I feel like I have a burning thorn collar around my neck, its grip tightening day by day, and I just can't get it off because Yuki's the one who's holding the keys and he won't fucking give them to me! Ryu-chan... I am so tired of this! I want OUT!"
Ryuichi looked pale in the moonlight. "Oh fuck, Shu... Shu-chan..."
Shuichi's tears were hot against Ryuichi's chest, his soft pink hair tickling his neck. "Ryu-chan... Don't think I'm doing this rashly. I have been thinking about this already quite some time. I've even twice talked about this with him. It's just that... he doesn't seem to care. He always just smiles and ruffles my hair, and perhaps gives me a kiss or two... He likes me, that's for sure, and probably he wouldn't want me to go. But he doesn't need me like I need him. He doesn't love me as much as I love him. And I just can't live like that any longer."
Ryuichi pulled Shuichi close and rocked them both back and forth. "I'm relieved you've given this some thought before tonight; but I'm still saying this is not the time nor the place to do such decisions. I love you, Shuichi, and I don't want you to get hurt. I don't want you to rush into things you might later regret."
"Ryu-chan..." Shuichi began to bawl anew, his little body shaking with tremors.
"Hush now... Dry your tears and get some sleep." Gently, the Nittle Grasper singer laid his young collegue down on the bed, laid down next to him and pulled covers over them both. Shuichi melted into his embrace, and slowly his sobs began to decrease.
"Even now, wherever the light can't shine through, we shall paint a brilliant, dancing dream..." Ryuichi began to hum the Nittle Grasper hit song with his soft, calming voice. "...So that the words that guide you... do not fail..."
Shuichi slept soundly through the night, never once waking while Ryuichi held him tight.
--
The morning dawned and Sakuma Ryuichi pulled an old stuffed toy, a pale red rabbit, in his arms. He wished it might be able to warm the place that was now empty; the place where his beloved Shuichi had just hours ago slept.
"An unsmiling person, with darkened eyes...With the world you desired suddenly turning into ash..." His voice was broken, and he swallowed. "Quietly embracing, completely captured... Until your heart..."
Silent tears spilled out of the vulnerable, blue eyes and seeped into the pillow where nobody could ever find them.
"...has broken."
...End of Part 1...
...continues in Part 2...
A/N: My first-ever Gravitation fic. Don't kill me if it sucked. Constructive feedback is always welcome. My LJ username is 'angryon' if anyone prefers commenting there. -Lances