Kakashi stared at Malfoy, displeased. Clearly, the boy was a complete and utter brat. Even the Potter gaki was halfway decent. Compared to Malfoy, the Potter gaki was a piece of cake, chocolate, in fact. Briefly, Kakashi wondered what this Lucius Malfoy was teaching his son? Perhaps he was teaching his kid how to antagonize every living thing within a five-mile radius, or maybe he was teaching his kid how to whine like a little girl.
Kami-sama, this kid was annoying.
Kakashi narrowed his eyes as the Malfoy brat stared at him in awe and rubbing his sore hand where Kakashi had kicked him.
"Y-You! I'll tell my father of this!" He screeched.
Kakashi rolled his eyes and sighed. "Ne, Malfoy, how about I tie you to a tree in the middle of the Forbidden Forest at midnight for disrespect?"
Malfoy paled. "You can't do that! My father will hear of this!" He yelled, taking up his wand.
Kakashi had a sort of evil grin. "I'll just dock twenty House points from you then. On your next offense, I'll dock you fifty."
Malfoy cursed.
Kakashi sighed and dropped Crabbe and Goyle onto the grass. "Keep going and your father will hear of how you whine like a little girl."
The whole class snickered, except Kakashi and Malfoy.
"Alright." Kakashi began. "You have one hour to take these bells from me. If you can't, you will do it again and again, until you figure out how to do it, and I'll keep failing you each time you don't get the bells."
Hermione flinched. Kakashi figured it was because she was touchy about failing.
Kakashi smiled a bit. "If you do get the bells, you'll get a perfect grade for this exercise, the privilege of access to the some of the Restricted Areas of the Library, additional lessons if you wish, and twenty-five House points for your House."
Harry gripped his wand tightly.
"Yosh. Start!"
Malfoy pointed his wand at Kakashi a second after he had finished his sentence.
"Rictusempra!"
"Densaugeo!" Ron spoke, keeping his wand on Kakashi.
"Petrificus Totalus!" Hermione, after a moment, yelled.
"Locomotor Mortis!" Harry, after a split second yelled, pointing his wand at the teacher.
Crabbe and Goyle simply rushed forward in an idiotic attempt to pummel the teacher with their fists.
Kakashi smiled. He simply teleported behind Malfoy, crouched, clasping his hands together so the index fingers were pointing out. Sensei had done this in his Bell Test, and Kakashi was unusually looking forward to use it. The Malfoy gaki deserved this.
"Konohagakure Hiden: Taijutsu no Ōgi: Sennen Goroshi!" Kakashi yelled, jamming his fingers up Malfoy's ass.
Malfoy went flying, gripping his ass. His scream was a mixture of rage, embarrassment and pain as he went flying.
Ron stared in shock at Malfoy. Everyone stared as well, and soon every Gryffindor was laughing.
Malfoy landed on the grass, clutching at his ass. "My father will hear of this!" He yelled in a voice that was at least two octaves higher than normal. He gripped his wand and pointed in again at the teacher.
"Avada Kedavra!"
There was a puff of smoke at the end of Malfoy's wand.
Kakashi tried very hard to keep from laughing, only to fail miserably and laugh the way Sensei used to.
"You'll need force of will to do that. Even if your puny spell hit me, I doubt that I'll even get a nosebleed." Kakashi spoke, flipping his own wand.
"Now, I'm sure you all know this, but a wizard has four main spells. These are Curse, Charm, Conjuring and Transfiguration."
Kakashi flipped his wand once more. "Lesson One: The best defense is not being there when the curse hits. Every time I sub for Lupin-san, you will go into Active Defense against the Dark Arts, which means not only will you learn of the dark arts you can face, but you will also learn of possible countermeasures, some combat spells and how to dodge the spell itself. That means…" Kakashi used his wand to point at Crabbe and Goyle. "You two will finally learn how to run fast, starting now. Do five laps around the Lake, feel free to practice your spells on the local wildlife, as long as you don't hit anything that can talk back."
Crabbe and Goyle paused. Kakashi sighed, massaging his temples. "On second thought, just run." Pocketing his wand, Kakashi performed a few hand seals and summoned the huge bulldog.
"This dog will chase you as you run. I suggest running fast. If the dog catches you…well, let's leave it to your imagination. It doesn't seem to like you very much." At that point, the bulldog growled at the unfortunate Slytherins.
Crabbe and Goyle ran for their lives, or for at least the sanctity of their trousers.
Kakashi smiled. "Right. Let's get on to Lesson Two: Even if you learned all the spells in the book, they won't do squat if your opponent can pull their wand out faster than you." This he directed at Hermione and Harry, both of which had paused to think a while ago. "You two seem to have a bit of brains, so I'll just have you two practice on pulling your wands out as fast as you can."
Lastly, Kakashi looked at Ron and Malfoy. The glares they gave each other a while ago had not missed the Copy Nin's attention. He knew the two hated each other, so in a moment of extreme deviousness that matched even Morino Ibiki; he tied them together, arm to arm and leg to leg, with a strong rope and spoke, turning to the entire class as he did so.
"Lesson Three: If you fail to complete the mission, you are trash. But those who turn on their own comrades are less than trash. If you want to be treated with respect, be sure you deserve that respect. Bloodlines do not command respect on the battlefield. Actions do. No one is going to care if you're a Malfoy or a Mudblood when you're on the battlefield. No one will even be able to tell. On the battlefield, what matters is competence. If you don't have it, you die."
Kakashi glared at the two rivals tied together.
"Everybody dies. I'm only here to make sure you die of old age, not by a random hex." He ended, crossing his arms.
"You are to finish this obstacle course that I made. This course requires the both of you to work together. If you fail miserably, you can expect that I will make you do this exercise again and again until I can drill into your stubborn heads that you need to work together. Get up."
Malfoy cursed viciously at the Professor under his breath and glared venomously at Ron. The Gryffindor grit his teeth and proceeded to try and do his job. Unfortunately, his attempts at getting his job done were sabotaged by the fact that Malfoy simply could not stop bitching about his father. Kakashi was tempted to hex him so badly as he judged their performance on trying to get up, which was sabotaged by Malfoy's flailing arms and legs, Malfoy's wailing and Malfoy's various death threats and unimaginative slurs on Weasley's bloodline, which finally provoked the long suffering Gryffindor into trying to throttle the Slytherin, which resulted in the undoing of all of their work and from being halfway to a standing position, they landed flat on their butts and rolled about like a pair of scuffling cats in a bag. Kakashi sighed in resignation; mentally he gave the Gryffindor plus points. Nostalgically, he remembered Obito and his stubbornness.
Taking out his wand, Kakashi pointed it lazily behind him. Several items, commonly used for Army Training, appeared on the grassy ground behind Kakashi. The course, it turned out was a track, with a flag at the end and a baton right in front of the two. Apparently, Kakashi wanted them to take the baton to the flag, all the while going through a set of tires.
"Go."
Kakashi ran through the rest of the teams, pointing out their strengths and weaknesses. Those who were weak, which was all of them he sent to do exercises.
As Defense against the Dark Arts wound to a close, Kakashi gave a small smile.
"By the way, you all fail, for now. Next time try harder. The Ravenclaws and Hufflepuffs aced this experiment. This Saturday, whether you like it or not, you will all be sorted into four-man teams, with the Ravenclaws and Hufflepuffs. I'll be drilling the meaning of 'Teamwork' into your heads even if it kills you. Oh, and Lupin-san told me you all were to make an essay on Hinky-punks and turn it in next time."
On the good side, this new substitute teacher was the best they've had on practical terms. Harry could really see the applications of his teachings in his personal fights against Voldemort. On the bad side, he made them work with the Slytherins, which was self-defeating since technically the Gryffindors knew that fifty percent of the Slytherins would join the Dark Lord anyway.
Ron thought that the new teacher was sort of cool, but he thought that the new teacher's practice of assuming that Slytherins were not evil was so wrong in so many ways. But at least Ron was remotely willing to work with Malfoy if it meant he would get good grades.
Kakashi cleared his throat. "Okay, class dismissed for now, I'll see you all on Saturday. If not, failure to attend will result in docking of House Points and severe punishment."