Sirius' face contorted in consternation. "What was that all about?"

"Er, just a guess mate, but it seems he thinks you're a bit of an arse." James responded.

Sirius glared at him. "Am not."

"Actually, you do have some qualities that when combined tend to make a person fall into the category of 'arse'." Lily offered.

Sirius gave her a glare as well, flexing that inherited haughty Black attitude. He liked glaring; a good glare always got your point across perfectly. Often it seemed a good, strong, steely glare could get him almost anything. "No one asked you, Evans. And anyway, try speaking like a regular kid. No one talks like that."

"Oh yeah?" Lily crossed her arms and jutted out her chin. "I do."

"Well no one normal talks like that."

"And since when did you become the expert on normality?"

"Since…ever."

"That didn't even make any sense."

"To you, maybe."

"Actually, I have to agree with her, mate. That was pretty, er—" James frowned, searching for the right word.

"Incoherent?" Lily suggested.

"Yes, that's it! That's the word!" He smiled eagerly at her, a smile she did not return.

"I can't believe you! Well you, Jamsie boy, are officially a traitor! TRAITOR! You hear? I officially disown you! And this—this girl, whose name I dare not speak, is unnormal. So unnormal that the word defies definition! For shame! You are both dead to me now! Dead to me forever!" Sirius threw up his hands in evident distress and fell back into the nearest seat, evidently battling a great deal of inner turmoil.

"Oh, please." Lily retorted, rolling her eyes. "'Unnormal' isn't even a word."

Sirius returned from his "swoon." "Yeah? Well—so's your face!"

"WHAT?" She shrieked, outraged at this blatant abuse of the English language, and both irritated and unsure about how to react to such a juvenile exclamation.

Sirius smirked at her, knowing he had hit her where it hurt most. She seemed like the sort of girl that needed everything ordered, even her insults. She couldn't fathom the corporeal bundle of chaos that was Sirius, and probably never would be able to. Sirius knew she realized that as well, and was undoubtedly irritated by it.

"You're insane. Barking mad, really." Lily stated flatly, raising her chin and purposely turning her back on him.

Sirius grinned at her. "Thanks for the compliment, m'dear." He chuckled at the baffled look Lily cast his way in response, before turning abruptly to James. "So what's this bloke's problem with me?"

"But I thought I was 'a traitor', 'disowned' and apparently dead to you 'forever'." James asked wryly, smirking slightly.

"Fine, you are officially now un-disowned. So what do you think that bloke's problem with me is?"

"Whose problem with you? Lily's?" James asked, frowning.

"Hey, I'm right here!" Lily exclaimed. "And I'm not a bloke." She added as an afterthought.

Sirius raised his eyebrow. "It seems someone has a complex. Actually, contrary to popular belief, the world doesn't revolve around you."

"Nor does it revolve around you."

"See, that's exactly what I mean! No one uses the word 'nor'! Honestly, you're like a 50-year-old in an 11-year-old's body."

"Shakespeare used the word 'nor'. And he's one of the greatest writers of our time."

Sirius rolled his eyes. "Shakespeare was not 11 when he used the word 'nor'. He was old. Like in his twenties or thirties old!"

Lily sneered. "How do you know Shakespeare didn't use 'nor' when he was 11? Did you know him personally?"

"Oh, yes, we're old friends. He's a jolly good chap. Great talk about murder over tea, don't you know? Fascinating fellow, really. It is suspected I was the inspiration for Hamlet."

Lily snorted. "Puck more like."

"Don't be jealous because I had tea with Shakespeare!"

"You did not have tea with Shakespeare!"

"Show's how much you know!"

"Guys! Hey!" James cut in. "I can honestly say that I have never met two people who bicker more in their first half-hour of knowing one another than you two!" He paused for a moment, a horrified expression coming over his face. "Oh, God, I'm the one trying to inject sense here. Why am I trying to inject sense?"

"Because the world is coming to an end, apparently." Lily responded. "Apocalypse is nigh."

"There you go again!" Sirius cried out. "There you go again with your fluffy Shakespearean words to mock us all! 'Nigh'! What the hell does that even mean?"

"'Soon' or 'near'."

"Then why couldn't you just say 'soon'?"

"Because it's a saying!"

"You are not of this planet, Lily Evans."

"You're one to talk!"

James put his head in his hands. "What about Remus?" He mumbled.

"What was that, mate?" Sirius asked, holding up his hand in a gesture for Lily to stay silent. She bristled at the gesticulation.

"What are we going to do about Remus?" James said aloud.

Sirius sagged noticeably. "Make up with him, I suppose. For whatever we did wrong."

"Whatever you did wrong." Lily interjected, casting a challenging look Sirius' way.

"For your information, missy, I was using the 'royal we'."

"'Missy'? Who are you calling 'missy'?"

"I'd have thought that was obvious, missy."

Lily scowled at him. "I don't—"

"REMUS!" James shouted, jumping up and down slightly. "WHAT ABOUT REMUS!"

Sirius and Lily stared at him for a moment.

"Calm down, mate." Sirius said, with a frown. "What climbed up into your trousers and died?"

Lily snickered.

"Nothing climbed—look we're getting off task again. Horribly off task. So off task that I can no longer see the task from where I am standing. The task is in Kigali! What're we going to do about Remus?"

Sirius shrugged, more concerned about a) where Kigali was, and b) how James knew where Kigali was. "Push him off the train?" He suggested.

Lily gasped. "Sirius, that's horrible!"

Even James looked disdainful, shaking his head in disbelief.

"Hey, don't look at me like that! Remoose suggested it himself."

"Remus!" Lily corrected sharply. "Honestly, how hard is it to remember his real name?"

"Names don't matter to me unless they're attached to someone important to me."

"If you're advocating throwing him from the train, I would think you'd have the decency to at least learn his name."

"Shoving, not throwing. There's a subtle difference. Throwing someone from the train would be horrible. It would be barbaric."

"Boys." Lily muttered.

"Hey, don't lump me in with him!" James protested. "Besides, this isn't helping the situation any. Any ideas about how we can get Remus not pissed at us anymore?"

Silence descended upon the group. Everyone cast shifty looks to one another, with no one thinking of a reasonable resolution to the problem.

"I don't know about you two, but the 'pushing him from the train' suggestion is looking pretty good right about now."

"Why don't we just track him down and apologize?" James piped up abruptly. "And keep apologizing until he forgive us."

"And becomes our undying man-slave?" Sirius asked eagerly.

"You're a horrible person." Lily informed him.

"You're just jealous that I had tea with Shakespeare."

"You did not—Sirius, he died ages before you were even conceived!"

Sirius covered his ears with his hands. "La la la, I'm not listening. I'm not listening to the pathetic sounds of jealousy."

"Ugh! You're mental!" Lily shrieked. "Both of you!"

"What did I do?" James exclaimed, wounded.

"You—you're his sidekick!" She snapped. "I'm going to go find him, and save my sanity in the process."

"I'm not his sidekick! If anything he's my sidekick!" James protested, following Lily out of the compartment.

"Sirius Black is nobody's sidekick." Sirius announced, only to find there was no one to listen to him. "And that girl is mental. Not me." He added for good measure.

A/N: Wow, I did not intend for the train ride and pre-Hogwarts action to be so long. I think I will rename this story and have go up to the Marauders arriving for their first year at Hogwarts, and create a new story after it, entitled "The Early Years of the Marauders" for all of the events from Hogwarts onward.