Chapter 2 - Hell in a Handbasket

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto or High School DxD

Author's note-

Six paths translation-

Deva Path - Tendo

Asura Path - Shurado

Human Path - Ningendo

Animal Path - Chikushodo

Preta Path - Gakido

Naraka Path - Jigokudo

Prior to the great escape

Hell

I, Uchiha Sasuke, had a revelation.

Sitting upon my throne, with my elbow propped upon its arm and my head lazily resting against my fist, I stared at my subjects as they all lay at my feet in subservience.

They threw their hands up in the air and hollered in a mad frenzy, beating their chests, their brow sweating with excitement, and their smiles splitting their faces with grins.

They roared.

"All praise Karasu!"

I chuckled, looking at them with satisfaction. There they sat before me. My subjects. The vehicles of my dark fantasies. The instruments of my global conquest. I nodded at them, acknowledging their loyalty and dedication to the cause. And I once again uttered the hallowed words which had firmly attached these individuals to my hip.

"So, who wants some cookies?"

The devil children sitting at my feet squealed with delight, all of them jumping up and scrambling to hug my waist.

"Me! Me! Me!"

"Hey, Karasu-nii likes me best! So I should get all of 'em!"

"C-Can you feed me, nii-san? Hehehe."

I sighed as the illusion I'd constructed for myself broke, and I found myself sitting on a park bench with the children all jumping around me excitedly. I swiftly took the pack of confectionery I'd stolen and started throwing the biscuits in the air one by one, observing with amusement as the kids rushed to get under the biscuits and chomp them up like puppies. I could even see their imaginary tails wagging.

My revelation was thus, I've been relegated to a babysitter.

Now one might ask how I came to be in such a situation. Why in the world would I ever waste time with children when there were thrones to be conquering.

The answer is simple.

I'm dirt poor and stuck in hell.

And the only devils who were gullible and innocent enough for me to trust were the children who'd taken to following me around everywhere I went.

Ever since that day I'd rescued them from that would be kidnapper or trafficker or whatever, they stuck to me like glue. They were a group of five kids who'd come from the poorer lands of hell.

They had traveled from their lands all the way to the city I am currently at, the city of Lilith. The apparent capital of the underworld and where the Satans, the rulers of hell, conduct their business. The children had arrived here the day before I'd arrived here myself. And you know the amazing thing about it all?

They can't find their parents anymore.

I grinned darkly.

Nor would they ever find them… if I have a say in it.

They'd last seen their parents in that apartment I'd found them in. Where the parents had bagged a few bags of money before leaving them alone. Promising to fetch them in a while. Asking them to just stay put and wait for them.

And the next thing they knew, a large man in a mask had entered the room and locked it behind him. Blinding the room to the world by raising all the curtains and blocking all views from outside.

But such paltry things as cutting off one's vision would never impede an Uchiha (of course I discount the sprinkling of pink sparkles in my eyes… These eyes were designed for the grittiness of the battlefield, not the childish wand waving of cute magical girls… Annoying. I meant annoying magical girls.) For a small crack through the curtains, even from a large distance, is enough for these eyes of mine.

It was a simple matter of blasting myself towards that building and knocking out the would be assaulter.

And why would I bother with the lives of a few pathetic devil children? Worms who'd not even be useful to me. Even if they pledged their loyalty out of gratitude it'd be years before they amounted to anything useful or beneficial to my grand schemes.

Despite this, I'd bothered.

Because.

The only one who gets to be evil on my turf is me.

I grinned darkly and chuckled to myself as I flung some more cookies to the hungry children, who giggled happily as they jumped in the air and caught them with their teeth. (I really should be feeding them more nutritious food, they're growing kids after all.)

And hell?

Is entirely mine.

The devils just don't know it yet.

Ha ha ha.

What a wonderful world.

Ripe for me to rip asunder if this is what I can expect.

You can't take care of your kids?

Then give them all to me.

I grinned and leaned back in my bench, looking up at the sky. Reflecting off the clouds my sinister ambitions.

I, Uchiha Sasuke, hereby pledge to murder the parents of all the children who'd do them wrong.

Be it abandonment. Abuse. Neglect. Condemnation for things orchestrated by fate.

I do not care.

You cross a line. I'll cross your throat.

For I shall be the guardian of all the young.

Let this be my first commandment upon this world.

"Nii-san!" One of the girls pouted at me, stomping her foot on the ground. "You aren't throwing me any! Gimme some cookies too, nii-san!"

I chuckled, putting my hand into by packet of biscuits and taking one out. "Catch it if you can." I clutched the biscuit between my fingers and drew my hand back, coiling it exaggeratedly.

The girl grinned and crouched, looking ready to leap into the air to snatch the snack with her teeth.

"Now!" I said and flung the my hand.

Boing!

"Yeah!" She leapt into the air with a giggle.

I hummed, impressed at how high she jumped. I tossed the cookie which still occupied my hand into my mouth, idly chewing it. I'd say the she just jumped as high as a single story of a building. Not bad for a kid.

Thud! The girl landed back on the ground with a frown. "H-Hey, did you even-…" Her eyes widened, seeing me chomp on the cookie. "W-What?! You didn't even throw it!" She started rubbing her eyes, looking hurt and on the verge of tears. "A-Aaah! M-Meanie-"

I rolled my eyes and pointed my hand at her, "Bansho Tennin."

"-eeeek!" She shrieked as she shot off the ground and hurtled towards me. "Guh!" She grunted as I caught her in my arms and set her sitting on my lap.

She blinked in confusion, suddenly finding herself displaced from where she'd stood. She turned to me with questioning eyes.

I smirked at her, "what? Will you cry now?" I poked her forehead, making her yelp and jerk her head back. She pouted at me as she rubbed the spot I'd prodded. My Sharingan spun in my eye, "you are an Uchiha. Tears are unbefitting of you." Sinister chuckles left my lips as I bathed the child in the teachings of the clan, "if you want something, you take it. You don't ask nor beg."

She pursed her lips, her eyes furrowing with incomprehension. "I-I'm an Uchiha? I-Isn't that your name, nii-san?" She bunched up my shirt with her fist and yelled in my face. "I-I want to be a Sasuke!"

"My family name goes first and my given name goes last," I corrected her, idly taking another cookie and munching on it. I chuckled as she eyed me with a glare. "Uchiha is my clan name. My parents named me Sasuke."

"Oh. Okay." She scowled at me (haha, pouting kids are adorable. Really brings out the hatred in them.) "Can I have a cookie now?"

I picked up another biscuit. And well, you know the drill.

"I don't know, can you?" I said, snickering and moving my hand to eat the snack-

She screeched with mad eyes-

"Gimme that!"

Chomp!

"Grk! Gaaah!" I yelped as sharp teeth slammed down upon my fingers. I tried to pull them back but two small hands grabbed my wrist, holding my hand in place as the small mouth chewed on the cookie in my hand, grating my skin with sharp teeth.

My eyes twitched as I saw the smug look of the girl as she inhaled the food straight off my hand.

T-This little shit…

"Haha~" She giggled as she finished the last of the cookie in my hand, making me grimace as my palm emerged all sticky with her slobber. She stuck her tongue out at me, "I won't apologize, nii-san! You're a jerk! And an Uchiha has nothing to be sorry for!"

With my eyes shadowed under my hair and my face twitching and suffused with emotion which wanted to burst out, my hand reached out to tell the little imp exactly what I thought of her cheekiness-

"A-Aaah!"

She yelped in fright as I tightly clamped her shoulder.

"H-Huh?"

Came her muffled and confused voice, as I buried her face in the folds of my shirt.

"That's a good girl." I said as I pulled her forward and gave her a light hug, taking another cookie and putting it in her mouth. Good behavior should be encouraged after all. I smirked at her as she twisted her head up to look at me, "never let anyone tell you what to do. Understand? If you want something, just go and take it."

She smiled shyly and nodded, "o-okay, nii-san!"

I chuckled. Satisfied with her compliance, I patted her head, happily rubbing off her slobber on her person.

"Hey!" She jumped off me with a yelp and landed on the ground. Running her hand through her hair and finding it sticky, she turned a glare at me. "Y-You jerk! I'll get back at you!"

Looking up at the sky, I smiled.

Father, mother. Are you watching?

Am I holding up our clan's traditions?

"Vengeance will be mine, nii-san!" Said the girl, shaking her fist at me.

"Sniff… sniff…."

"E-Eh? Nii-san, are you crying? G-Guys! Come here, quick! Nii-san needs a hug!"

I wiped off the tears from my eyes using my sleeves. Now I don't mean to get emotional, but… It's an amazing feeling. Seeing the fire of the next generation of Uchihas. Revenge is after all such an integral part of what makes us who we are.

Itachi taught me that. And I'll never forget his lessons.

I smirked up at the pure land.

Am I right, nii-san? Are you smiling down on me? Proud of how well you forged me?

Before nii-san could reply to my inquiry-

"Oof!"

I grunted as a bunch of five children all slammed into me, having decided to hop onto the bench I sat upon and bury me in a group hug. Covering every inch of huggable space with their hands and burying their faces in my chest.

I stared down at their heads. Five mops of hair, which lay upon shabbily dressed children who I decided were mine to manipulate. I smirked, determining that it was time to bestow upon them their Uchiha names. For I refuse to acknowledge whatever name their progenitors had branded them with.

"It's okay, Karasu-nii. Tell me where it hurts, I'll make the pain go away." Said the young ten year old with dark red hair. A gentle boy who adored any animal he laid eyes upon and who could calm even the maddest of dogs and turn into a puddle of tail wagging goo. I'd found this out the other day when I'd summoned a giant three headed dog via my Rinnegan and had to run from it as it refused to acknowledge me as its master and began attacking me.

Where I failed the whole day in trying to subdue the beast (oh believe me, I spared no technique in trying to bind it to my will. Chidori, Fireballs, genjutsu, you name it, I'd tried it), the boy succeeded with only a gentle, coaxing voice, a bag of sausages, and some well placed belly rubs upon the beast. The three headed dog immediately went from a mad dog to a lapdog. Panting happily and eagerly licking the boy's face, making him giggle in delight and bury his face in its fur.

Chikushodo. That shall be this red headed boy's name.

I chuckled. Originality? What's that?

You're talking to an Uchiha.

"Hey, he's smiling!" Said the cookie monster who'd inhaled the snack straight from my hand. She grinned eagerly up at me, "d-does that mean I get more cookies than others! I made you smile so I deserve it!" She said, turning her nose up in the air and smiling smugly.

I chuckled and flicked the nose of that dark blue haired cookie monster, making her squawk and rub it with a pout. A girl of twelve years, who was a little taller than others her own age. She was a shyer child than the others, often shuffling along with them and always present at the back of the group. But wave some food in front of her?

"Oi! Feed me!" She made to bite at me, and I jerked my hand back just in time to avoid another pair of bite marks upon them. She giggled, "feed me or I'll eat you, nii-san!"

I grimaced. Gods. What a glutton. This nitwit does a complete personality change when it comes to food. My efforts to bring out her more assertive self via food only ever keep backfiring.

When I'd brought in meat for all of us to partake in, leaving the girl with the smallest share, I'd expected her to demand to be treated fairly. Instead she'd first sulked and cried. Before growling like an angry beast and throwing herself upon me with a snarl. Crying that nii-san hated her and she'd show him the error of his ways... I was forced to concede my own share of the meal in order to appease and stop her from going for my jugular.

And then there was the other time when I'd taken them all to an ice-cream shop, where I proceeded to threaten shop-keeper to forfeit seven cones of the icy treat. But then I'd heard an obnoxiously happy voice in the street yelling about some So-tan or something and immediately proceeded to hand over some cash (which I'd earned during my stint of selling hotdogs), before the shopkeeper yelled for help.

…I mean, I had five impressionable children before me. Couldn't teach them that petty crime was okay now, could I? An Uchiha was above such things! It's either go big or go home! Mere ice-cream would never appease the Uchiha clan. Ha! (I did not want a magical experience. It was too early in the morning for that.)

Anyway, coming back to the nuisance at hand (and ignoring the one in the wild), the girl had stared enviously at the two cones of ice-cream I treated myself to while she only had one. So as we reached the nearby garden and settled down on the benches, I took pity on her and sat her on my lap, so she could get a better view of me gobbling up the treat and enjoy the soothing balm of jealousy. I still fondly remember the way she'd shook with rage, glaring at me with a heated fury.

And then everything had gone wrong.

She shoved my cone holding hand into my mouth right as I opened it. Making me take a bite too big, shooting frozen cream up my nose and leaving me with a bad case of brain freeze. Coughing harshly I quickly pushed her off my lap to show her who's boss. (My Rinnegan tingled, and I did not want to know what would happen if I sneeze and activate a technique by accident.)

And as I held my throbbing head in abject misery and coiled into myself on the bench I occupied, the utter shit had the gall to act shocked and ran away yelling for help.

Had it ended there, I wouldn't call it a disaster, but…

Ice cream disaster

When I recovered from my headache and opened my eyes, I found myself having rolled onto my back and staring up at a bright smile which almost blinded me. Observing that the back of my head felt soft and comfortable for some reason, I blinked wide eyes at the owner of that smile, a magical girl wearing a blue blouse and short skirt, with her pink staff propped against her shoulder. Her black hair braided as two ponytails which fell on either side of her head, she looked at me with bright eyes, with something akin to approval in them.

She gently stroked my hair, her hand glowing a dull pink and feeling incredibly soothing to the touch.

All this happened yes, but, my mind was focused on more important matters. Namely-

Holy Solo King! Was I using her lap as a pillow?!

The magical girl spoke in a peppy voice, while I was busy burying my flushed face in my hands and groaning with embarrassed agony, "hey, you doing better now? Your sister came running to me you know? Hehe, 'Levi-tan! Levi-tan! My nii-san collapsed and is crying in pain! P-Please save him, Levi-tan! He's a meanie but I really really love him! H-He saved my life! He's my dummy hero!'" Levi-tan chuckled and ruffled my hair. "Aren't you just adorable!"

I swore to pull that stupid girl's hair for putting me in this situation. I'm the scourge of the world, not a damn hero! If I really wanted to be a hero I'd start wearing orange and start yelling 'dattebayo!'

Levi-tan smiled at me, and my breath stopped for a moment as I gazed at every curve and happy fold of her cheeks, my eyes observing her face in excruciating detail as they informed me that yes, she indeed was gazing at me with delight. She said as my mind was distracted being lost in her eyes, "hey what's your name?"

My mouth flapped,

"Uchiha Sasuke, dattebayo."

She blinked in surprise for a moment before she started snickering. "Dattebayo? Is that your catchphrase?"

My eyes widened as I realized what I just said, my mouth morphing into a silent scream with my hands clutching my head with horror.

Fuck! What is wrong with me!

I turned a blistering glare at Levi-tan.

What is this devil doing to me!

She tilted her head at me, "you have weird eyes." She pursed her lips, "mismatched with one having no white but only purple circles?" She laughed lightly, "are you cosplaying? Who as?" She preened and leaned back in the bench with a smug grin, "obviously as me right! In episode 246 I got a power up from the radiant darkness which made my eyes go all freaky! But it was so long ago! I can't believe there are fans who still like that-"

"Karasu."

"…what did you just say?" She woodenly creaked her head down and looked at me with twitching eyes.

I pretended innocence, blinking at her with guileless eyes, "I'm cosplaying as Karasu?" I choked down a snicker as I caught irritation in her brow. "He's only the greatest idol around?" I smiled eagerly at her, adopting the look many of my rabid fangirls had during days of yore, "did you hear how he beat Levi-tan the other day-"

"Lies!" She said with a pout. She picked me off her lap, sat me beside her and began shaking me by my shoulders. "That chicken didn't beat me! H-He just framed me and ran away!" She growled, her eyes narrowing, "he's only a newbie and he's already in the top twenty of the polls… Who nominated him?!" She asked me frantic eyes as if I had all the answers. (Well I did, but I wasn't going to tell her that now, was I?)

I bit my lip to stop myself from laughing in her face.

She then gave me a hopeful smile, "hey, I'm still your favorite, right? This Karasu is just a fad, right?"

My lips quivered-

"…pfft! Haha-cough! Cough!"

I quickly pretended to cough as I lost my composure. But try as I might I couldn't keep the smile off my face.

O-Oh god, this is priceless!

Asking your enemy if you're his favorite?

Shaking my head with a grin, having given up on putting a lid on my mirth, I asked her the worst thing I probably could've.

I tilted my head, pouring as much honest confusion as I could into my eyes. I said,

"Who are you?"

She jerked in her seat, her eyes widening with shock and her jaw dropping in disbelief.

"W-What?" she said in a small voice, looking lost and in unfamiliar territory.

I couldn't bear seeing that sad look on her face, so I proceeded to say,

"Oh, wait a minute! I recognize you!" I said, pointing a finger at her with an excited smile.

"O-Oh! Great!" She recovered from her shock and sent a relieved smile my way-

"You're that woman who was caught shoplifting the other day!" Her smile froze, cracked and died an untimely death. (Oh my god, I-I just can't! Hahaha!)

Before I broke out in guffaws and broke my cover, I quickly clapped her heartily on the shoulder, looking at her with a proud smile. "You're Karasu's first villain, aren't you?" I chuckled as she grabbed her face and began whining lightly, "I'm glad he was able to reform you. You seem like a good person." She whipped her head up and gave me an annoyed pout. I snickered, "thanks for helping me by the way. May I know your name? So that I thank you properly."

"I'm Levi-tan!" She yelled in my face.

I goggled at her, pretending shock. "Y-You are?" I frowned and gave her a once over, looking unimpressed. "Prove it."

"P-Prove it?!" She gawked. "H-How am I supposed to prove I'm me!" She threw her hands up.

I scoffed. "The true Levi-tan would never say that." I smirked at her, "she'd pop in, blind you with sparkles, laugh like an ass and then skip away." I shook my head at her. "In fact, she'd be out there doling out justice and not worrying about whether someone recognized her or not."

She glowered at me with a confused frown. "Did… did you just call me an ass?"

I blinked. Shit. I let my true thoughts out. "I meant what an ass, what a shapely ass."

…Someone please kill me.

She immediately glittered with glee and beamed at me, while I tried to choke my tongue via my teeth.

She laughed. "Hehehe." She winked at me, "you can compare this shapely ass if you want."

Don't blush. Don't blush. Don't blush.

She jumped to her feet and struck a pose, twirling her staff and sticking her tongue out.

O-Okay. This I can handle-

She grinned and hopped towards me-

Plop!

And plopped down on my lap.

…I went incredibly still. My breath became slightly labored, but I weathered it with my seasoned stoicism. I raised an indifferent brow at her.

She smirked, taking that as an invitation.

Placing her arms around my neck she shuffled closer and leaned her body against me. Making me feel in excruciating detail exactly how shapely she was. Her chest pressed lightly against mine, and her behind shifted as she settled to a comfortable spot on my legs.

My body had decided that my face was running out of blood, so it rushed to send gallons upon gallons to every spot of my skin.

Unless that wasn't clear, I was fucking blushing like an academy girl.

She snickered as she saw my shamefully red face. I winced and tried to turn my head away but she caught my chin and pulled me back to gaze at her.

At her face which was so awfully close to mine. Close enough that I could feel her warm breath on my cheeks. And my body fully aware of every inch and curve of her laying on me.

She puckered her lips and blew some air on my face-

"Aah!"

I yelped and jumped in my seat, making her bounce off me for a brief blessed moment.

Giggling, she used my head as leverage and pulled herself closer.

And the next thing I knew my face was buried in-between two soft and fleshy mounds. Followed by her weight landing back on my lap, but infinitely more intertwined against me.

With my mouth lost in the folds of her blouse, my nose hidden in the valley of her bosum, and my cheeks enjoying the full squishy pressure of her chest, my eyes went wild with panic quickly gazed up to see her staring down at me with half lidded eyes, an amused smile playing on her face.

"Ehehe~" She giggled and stroked my hair. "My ass wasn't enough huh?" She leaned down and whispered in my ear, "any other bits you wanna… examine?"

I stared back at her sultry gaze with wide eyes.

Oh my god, please take me now…

…

I-I mean kill me! Kill me!

N-Not something else!

She loosened her hold on me, freeing my face and letting my back rest against the bench. Before I could breath a sigh of relief, she immediately let herself fall over me, hugging me and staring at me with a captivating grin (d-did the world just become b-brighter?), only an inch separating our faces.

I protested vehemently at this invasion of privacy, opening my mouth wide and letting out how outraged I was.

"…"

I cursed my mouth for betraying me. (I should've known it couldn't be trusted.)

"What's wrong?" She said with a giggle, her eyes shining with mirth. "Levi-tan got your tongue?" She licked her lips and winked at me, making me flush anew, my eyes having caught every minute detail of every torturous moment of her tongue sliding over her mouth. She whispered invitingly, "do you want her to, …Kara-chan?"

…huh?

I blinked.

What?

"Come on, Kara-chan." She grinned jauntily, "don't be surprised, I told you I'd be back." She idly trailed a finger down my forehead to my cheek, "can't you feel it?" Levi-tan chuckled, "you're becoming mine."

I chuckled.

Fire rising to my eyes at that obvious taunt.

"Tell me, Kara-chan." She leaned forward, letting her ponytails fall forward and brush against my cheeks. "Do you want another autograph?" She snickered, "maybe one signed with my… lips maybe?" She pouted at me, "whom should I address it to? Hmm, Uchiha Sasuke? Or Kara-chan?" She grinned, "but the better question is where should I sign it."

This is your angle, Levi-tan?

Confusing me till I trip up?

Hah, I was wondering why you were being so familiar with a stranger.

Too bad though.

'Cause you see, there are perks to being an Uchiha. Namely reading others through their eyes.

And right now Levi-tan's were still staring searchingly at me, despite the layers she hid her doubt under.

I smirked.

She didn't know jackshit about me, she was just guessing.

My eyes narrowed and a cocky smile reigned on my face, knocking out whatever spell she had me under. Levi-tan, you picked the wrong Uchiha to mess with.

Now then… how to play this in my favor?

My mind blazed through a hundred tactics.

And a moment later.

Sheer brilliance struck upon it.

…should I?

Now, that would just be cruel…

Hahahaha…

Mwhahahaha…

Oh Itachi. I'll make you proud.

Ahahahahaha!

Shurado…

I spoke out loud, shrouding the dim and sharp sound of the whirring and twisting of the skin on my neck, as the Asura Path vanished organic matter and left a flesh of metal in its wake. A thin line hidden in the color of my skin emerged, circling the whole of my neck.

"I-I'm yours?" I asked, with dazed eyes. Blinking heavily and allowing a red flush upon my face. I gulped, digging my back into the bench and looking at her with undisguised fascination. "A-A kiss?" She grinned, but her eyes still held some doubt. I cinched it, "l-like that time?"

The doubt disappeared.

She giggled and pinched my cheeks, pulling my face playfully left and right, "only if you're a good boy, Kara-chan!" She pouted at me, "so no stealing So-tan!" (I filed this information for later. So-tan, huh?)

I put up a weak sneer. "H-Hah!" I smirked at her. "You can't tell me what to do."

Grinning, she said, "let's see if I can't change your mind."

I scoffed, "in your dreams-"

She barked a laugh and pushed her face forward, smashing our lips together.

My eyes widened, "mmnph! Mnnph?!"

Her eyes fluttered close as she leaned into me, a small mischievous smile on her face in-between our lip locks. She kept varying the rhythm, letting some kisses last long while caressing my cheek with her thumb, while letting others be short pecks on my lips, peppered with giggles from her. Smug giggles that is.

I was so shocked. Like totally. Absolutely. Completely. So bowled over by her brazen attempts at seduction that you could say…

I lost my head.

Snap!

The line around my neck clicked open.

And… let's just say I have a surprise waiting for her.

"Mmnnhn~"

Ugh. Would you stop the pathetic moaning? Have some control, woman.

She giggled, "ehh? Getting in the mood, Kara-chan? Don't worry! I won't play with you too much. Hehehe~"

My eyes widened. W-What? That was me?! I snarled to myself. Damn you, mouth! You have betrayed me for the last time! You have earned the wrath of the Uchiha clan!

Ending her kisses with one last smooch, she opened her eyes with a laugh and leaned back. Still holding my face in her hands and staring at me with an expectant grin, she said, "so! How was-"

Thonk!

Something slid from under my neck and hit the metal bench with a dull clang.

She blinked at the sound and turned from my eyes to the origin of the sound. Her eyes widened.

"A-Aaaaaah!"

She jumped off the bench with a scream, falling on her butt on the ground and looking at my body with terrified eyes.

My headless body.

Bereft of the pressure of her pushing it against the bench while she'd been kissing, my body had bent to the side and fell against the metal bench on its shoulder.

Shivering uncontrollably, her shoulders wracked with shudders, she blinked wide eyes as she stared at my body, whose head had been cleanly separated from it at the neck.

A head which had fallen on her lap in her mad scramble to get away.

"Hey, Levi-tan?" I said from her lap, a pleasant smile on my face.

She froze.

She slowly, fearfully creaked her head down and met my gaze. A jolt of terror ran through her as she saw the head of Uchiha Sasuke lazing on her thighs.

Said head asked with a blush,

"Can I have another autograph?" I puckered my lips and used chakra to stick my head to her body and roll up to her face-

"Aaaaaaah!" She screamed and jumped to her feet, knocking me off her. "Get away! Get away! Get away!" She ran away, kicking up dust clouds as she disappeared into the city. I could hear her sobs, "aaaaah! I-I killed, Kara-chan! I'm horrible! I didn't know I was such a good kisser!"

I shouted for her benefit, "hey! I'm your number one fan, Levi-tan! You can run but you can't hide!" I cackled, "I'm coming for that autograph!"

Levi-tan cried with despair, "I-I'm sorry, So-taaan! I should've listened to you! No more forcing fandom on anyone!"

"Hey! What about me? You made me your fan! Take responsibility!"

"Y-You shut up! I'll deal with you later! W-Whatever you are!"

I snickered as my body sat itself upright, walked to my head on the ground and picked it up. Placing my head back on my neck and clicking it into place, I deactivated the Asura Path, summoning back blood, flesh and bone and making me whole once again.

As I basked in victory of having beaten Levi-tan once again, my dark-blue haired glutton of a clansman skipped up to me with a yo-yo in her hand.

"N-Nii-san, what was with all that screaming?" She asked me with a curious frown. She looked around the clearing, "and… and where's Levi-tan? I-I didn't get to thank her for the toys!" She said with a small smile.

I blinked and turned my gaze to her with confusion. "What toys?"

She smiled and showed me her yo-yo.

A yo-yo with the magical girl's face pasted on its side.

"L-Levi-tan said she'd take care of you! And then gave me a bunch of toys to play with!" She said with an excited smile. "They just appeared out of thin air! I think she used magic!"

My eyes started twitching.

She continued, "s-so I took them with me and gave them to the rest of the guys!" She gave me a shy smile, "w-we're all playing in our usual park. But I was m-missing you so I came back." She shuffled closer and hesitantly grabbed my hand. "I-I'm sorry, nii-san. I-I'll be a good girl."

I frowned at her and crouched before her, wondering what the hell she was on about.

She stared at the ground with tightly clamped eyes and trembling shoulders, tightening her grip on my hand, "d-don't l-leave me too- aah!" She yelped as I flicked her nose. "H-Hey!" She pouted at me.

I stared at her with a scowl, "I'll never leave you."

There must never exist another Uchiha Sasuke.

I'll never let it happen.

I swear it.

She blinked wide eyes at me, before a happy smile blossomed on her face, lighting up her eyes with joy. "I-I love you nii-"

I grabbed her and pulled her close, putting my arm around her neck and rubbing my knuckles on her head.

"Aah! Lemme go!" She yelped, her arms thrashing around as she tried to free herself and escape from my justice.

I grinned darkly at her, "sorry, just promised to never leave you. Make trouble for me, will you, little girl?"

"You have a sweet side my foot! Levi-tan's an idiot if she believes that!" Said the girl, growling and trying to position my hand so she could bite it.

I chuckled and let her go, ruffling her hair. "That's the way to go. Now, I need your help. Feeling up to it, girl?"

She leapt away from my grasp and eyed me warily. "What help?"

Devious chuckles left my lips as I gazed at her with dark intentions in my eyes, "why, revenge of course." I glared at her, making her wince, "you've left us in Leviathan's debt, with you accepting her gift." I chuckled, "so, we're going to get back at her."

The girl blinked and hesitantly said, as if afraid of hurting my feelings, "nii-san… you have issues."

I scoffed, standing up and taking her hand into mine, "my methods are beyond the understanding of mere mortals!"

The girl sighed and then giggled, "okay, nii-san. If you say so." She stared up at me with a grin as we began walking to the park where the other brats apparently were, "hey can we get something to eat? I'm hungry!"

I sighed. "Okay, we'll get me some food and you can watch me eat." I smiled at her, "does that work?"

"…graah!" She roared and jumped up at me, aiming a kick at my face.

"Nice try." I said, casually leaning back and letting her leg fly past. "Hit me once and I'll get you a three course meal." I smirked at her.

"You're on, nii-san!" She grinned and started jumping all around me, throwing punches, trying to tackle me, and throwing rocks at me in between to catch me off guard. I used the opportunity to correct her form and adjust her attacks here and there to give her a better chance of hitting me.

I smirked as the girl improved bit by bit.

Soon she will be capable of exacting my will as I dispatch her to shape the world to my desires.

…because seriously, I'm sick of being the only one getting food around here. Going to the marketplace and buying(and/or stealing) groceries is not that difficult.

I blame the parents, honestly…

Fucking reprobates, leaving me to pick up the pieces. I frowned as I contemplated hunting them down and killing them. Then I shook those thoughts out of my head, as I saw the girl panting before me with a smile on her face, as she once again rushed towards me with a wild swing. As we passed by a certain humongous building, I was reminded that I had more important things to be taking care of and let go of my murderous thoughts.

"Take this, nii-san!" She jumped at me.

I leaned back, dodging her punch and catching her in a hug. I chuckled and patted her head as I held her in my arms, idly noting that I better get her some combs to brush her messy hair.

"H-Hey!" She beamed at me. "I-I caught you!"

"So you did." My focus was elsewhere however. My grin massive as I found the perfect instrument for my retribution.

"Hey, what're you looking at?" She turned to look at the same building I was. She pursed her lips as she read out the name stamped on the walls of the building. "Serafall Memorial Hospital?" She turned to me with a worried eyes, "n-nii-san! Are you sick?"

"No," I said, laughing menacingly, my Sharingan spinning. "I just found a cure."

She gulped, "I-I have a bad feeling about this."

I smirked at her, ruffling her hair and moving along towards the park.

"N-Nii-san?" the girl squeaked. "Y-You won't do anything bad right?"

I barked a laugh, "take a guess."

"O-Oh shit." The girl whined and buried her face in my shirt.

"Oh shit indeed. Mwhahaha!"

Levi-tan. I hope you'll like my…

Gift.

Back to the present

"Nii-san! …Nii-san!"

I blinked and snapped to attention. I looked about me and found myself back in the park, the kids playing in the sand, with me seated in my usual spot on my park bench.

I felt a finger prod my side and turned to see the cookie monster sitting beside me. An empty pack of cookies in her hand and her mouth littered with biscuit crumbs. She tilted her head at me, "nii-san, were you lost in your head again? You were staring off into the sky for a looong time!"

I pursed my lips. That was one huge flashback. Shaking my head I decided to name the girl before I took pity on her and give her a less ridiculous name.

"Gakido." I said, looking at her with a smirk. "Uchiha Gakido. That shall be your name."

She furrowed her brow, "b-but I already have a-"

"Gaki." I nodded at her.

Gaki pouted, "nii-saaan! I don't wanna change my-"

I gave her a dubious look, "I was planning on buying Gaki some chocolates." I sighed and leaned back in my seat, "but if there's no Gaki in the clan-"

"I'm Gaki! I'm Gaki!" She said with a huge smile, wiping her mouth as she drooled and dreamed of food. She shook her head and gave me a curious smile, "what does Gaki mean?"

I smiled kindly at her, "it means you a good, kind and responsible girl."

"Y-Yay!" She giggled, hiding her mouth behind her hand. "I-I love my name!"

I smirked. I can't wait for the day you find out what it actually means, brat. (And seriously, you know what nii-san means but don't know what gaki means? Your education is severely lacking. I wonder if there's a school around here.)

I then turned to the red headed brat of the bunch and shouted, "Chikusho!" The boy stopped building his sandcastle and turned to me with a mild smile, the Rinnegan summoned dog sleeping beside him at his feet, its height now only reaching upto my waist whereas before it was as tall as a small house. I grabbed my wallet from my pocket and flung it at the boy, making his eyes go wide as he dove frantically to catch it.

I smiled with satisfaction as the boy managed to snag it out of the air. Good to know my lessons are paying off. I continued, "go buy the newspaper. And ask for some chocolates. Just a few, not many." Gaki squealed happily and hugged my side.

The boy nodded with a soft smile. He poked the dog, making it yawn its three heads and open its eyes slowly. "Come on, Pochi. Let's do nii-san's bidding." The dog turned to give me an unimpressed look (I don't know how it managed to do that) before it stood up and shook itself awake. It clamped one of its jaws around the boy's shirt and lifted him onto its back.

Chikusho chuckled and held onto the dog's collar as he settled down atop it. "Onward, Pochi. Let's beat our last record."

The dog grunted, before it took off running into the streets. Chikusho laughing lightly as he disappeared along with it.

I then hummed and stared up at the sky, a smirk lit up on my face as I waited for the boy to return with the newspaper.

In the meanwhile, I content myself recalling my visit to a certain hospital.

My Sharingan spun with mad glee as I saw the events playing before me once again.

Serafall Memorial Hospital, a few days ago, nighttime

In the children's ward of the hospital in the section designated for terminal cases, a boy of ten years lay on his bed on life support. His body a deathly pale and with devices monitoring his vitals. Tubes went into his body, attached to packets of fluids. And a picture of his family lay on his bedside. A man and woman smiling with the boy sitting between them with a grin.

A tear slid down the boy's eye as he eyed the picture from his spot on the bed. "K-Kaa-san, t-tou-san." He whispered, moving his weak trembling hand to wipe his face. "I-I hate this… p-please take me home." He squeezed his eyes tight, "p-please."

A gravelly voice spoke.

"Hush, child." A hand gently stroked the boy's head. "This Crow will be your avenger."

The boy's eyes shot open at the unfamiliar voice. "W-Who-"

Mismatched eyes of Red and Purple stared back at him. With the red eyes spinning and casting a spell of drowsiness on him.

The boy's eyes struggled to stay open, "w-who… are… y-you?" He managed to say as he lost his grip on consciousness.

"I am Karasu." The shadowy figure gently shut the boy's eyes close with his palm. "Now sleep."

The boy fell victim to the sandman, surrendering his mind to dreams. As he drifted away, the last thing he heard was,

"Jigokudo."

And then everything went black.

The figure watched as a tendril like tongue picked the boy up and deposited him in a giant mouth whose teeth clamped shut with the boy inside.

"If there is a god, I'm ashamed to be their creation. What use is power if this is the sight that greets me."

The Rinnegan rippled with fury.

"Disgusting."

The King of Hell opened its mouth, revealing the boy inside. The boy who was formerly deathly pale, but who was now a healthy tan. The King of Hell's tongue took the boy out and placed him back on the bed. The boy's chest rose and fell in a gentle rhythm as he shifted in his sleep, a small smile on him as he giggled in his dreams.

Karasu left the room with fury in his brow. His cape billowing behind him.

"This. Is an act of Karasu."

He stormed into another room, seeing an unconscious teenage girl with hollowed cheeks and a gaunt body, a fevered look on her face.

The King of Hell picked her up with his tongue and took her into his mouth, consuming her.

"There shall never exist another Uchiha Sasuke."

The King of Hell opened his mouth and the girl emerged with a fuller body, her face no longer haggard and her breathing even. He placed her on the bed, tucking her into the sheets with his tongue.

"To that effect-"

The Mangekyo spun.

The Rinnegan rippled.

Mad laughter echoed in the halls of the building, shocking and startling the doctors and nurses who roamed the corridors.

"I will become god."

That entire night, a shadowy figure entered room after room in the children's ward of the hospital. Vanishing the ill boys and girls and then summoning them back fit and healthy. The figure first covered the terminal cases, then the long term ones, and then mild cases.

Panting with exhaustion, brow laden with sweat and his body trembling from the sheer effort of healing hundreds of children, the shadowed figure slowly limped to the front-desk of the children's ward, a tired grin on his face.

"H-Hope you like my gift, L-Levi-tan. H-Hahaha." He shook his head, with a fatigued smirk, "s-see you in the t-top fifteen. H-Hah."

He took out a red marker and scribbled on the wall in big letters-

KARASU WAS HERE.

Back to the present

"Nii-san?" A folded newspaper was waved before my face. "Nii-san, I got the paper."

"Eh, just leave it there, Chikusho." A chocolate wrapper was torn open. "Nii-san is thinking about Levi-tan again- Aah!"

Scowling, I turned to Gaki, having rapped her on the head for her insolence. She pouted at me, shoving a chocolate bar into her mouth.

"Meanie," she said, narrowing her eyes.

I rolled my eyes, ignoring her and grabbing the paper from Chikusho. I nodded at him and sent him off to go play again, while I opened the paper to read the headlines.

I smirked, just imagining what tales of horror they'd write about my stroll through the hospital. The nightmare under every kid's bed, the doctor of doom, the surgeon of suffering.

Hah, I could just picture it.

After all, an unknown individual had infiltrated a guarded facility and had his way with all the patients there. If that wasn't terrifying, I don't know what is.

And thus, my legend shall begin. The tale of the wrathful Karasu. A name that shall be spoken of in hushed tones, in terrified shrieks. A monster used to threaten a child away from misbehaving. An apparition whose existence strikes fear into the hearts of the populace.

And through that terror, I shall be ever more popular and close the gap between me and Levi-tan in the popularity polls. And so my revenge shall be complete.

I chuckled as I opened the paper fully.

I'm a genius.

I established my image, I exacted revenge, and I healed the children and fulfilled my role as a guardian. All in one fell swoop.

I smirked.

Uchiha Sasuke, you've done it again.

My gaze fell upon the headlines-

'Karasu: Hero of Hell!'

'My Friend Karasu: An essay by a formerly dying boy.'

'The Tsundere Life of Fluffy Bird: A study by Satan Leviathan.'

My smile cracked.

My throat caught.

My eyes widened.

I closed the paper.

I took a deep breath and let it out.

I opened the paper again.

'Hero!'

'Hero!'

'Hero!'

The word jumped out at me from the pages.

I frowned. Maybe Itachi's eyes were finally going bad.

I turned to Gaki and shoved the paper in her face, "oi, Gaki. What does this say?" I said, pointing at the headlines.

Her mouth messy with melted chocolate, Gaki took another bite of her bar and took a look at the paper. She giggled, "haha, fluffy bird."

"D-Don't read that!" I sputtered as I snatched the paper away and scooted away from her, making her pout for a moment before she shrugged and went back to eating her chocolate.

Gulping with dread, I slowly turned my gaze back at the headlines, my heart sinking with each line I read of the stories.

'-Discussions underway to award him with a medal for healing-'

'-At first I was scared. His eyes were so sharp, but thinking back I now know there was a kindness inside them. You're my hero, nii-chan-'

'-He's like, a total tsundere! He comes in like 'graaawr! Fear me! I'll drink your blood!' But then he goes and rescues you! So don't you believe him when he's trying to be all cool! He's a total softie underneath! Horrible kisser though! And Kara-chan! There's this jerk called Uchiha Sasuke pretending to be you! Get him for me, would you! If it's for me, I know you will! *Wink* *Wink*-'

I stared with wide eyes at the words written by that accursed Leviathan. She… she declared me a tsundere… before everyone. Before the whole of hell…

No. No. No.

'Even that day he framed me! He actually gave me a break from work! Nice tough guy act, Kara-chan! You can't fool me, birdie!'

The paper crinkled as I gripped my fingers.

I blinked heavily as I realized the full horror of what she'd done…

'So remember, kids! If he glares at you, it means he's smiling! So give him a big fat hug!'

Nobody would…

Nobody would believe my villainy anymore.

I fell to my knees.

Slammed the ground with my trembling fist.

And roared to the heavens.

"D-Damn you, Levi-taaaan!"

I-I swear! I'm coming for you, you devil!

I-I, Uchiha Sasuke.

Shall have my revenge!

Elsewhere, in the shopping district

Sitting atop a rooftop with stacks of papers beside her and dangling and kicking her feet over the ledge she sat on, Serafall hummed to herself as she read through her weekly load of papers as the head of Foreign Affairs.

She blinked and stared out into the city with a giggle as she heard a faint scream-

"D-Damn you, Levi-taaaan!"

She cupped her hands around her mouth and yelled happily,

"Love you too, Kara-chaaan!"

She snickered as she turned her gaze back to her papers.

"So adorable!"

Author's Note:

Hope you enjoyed the chapter!

Would love to hear your thoughts!

Stay safe.

Cheers!