Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter!

The Game

Chapter 8: In Control?

It was the first day of the winter break. Hermione woke up early, not able to sleep any longer. Ever since her talk with Snape she had been thinking about what she had done. She was slowly sinking back into that black abyss. It killed her that her best friends were no longer her best friends. Even though they were apart of the reason she had lost control in the first place. Now they would be enjoying their break at the Burrow without her while she stayed behind at Hogwarts.

True, she had Draco now, and he was wonderful, but nothing could replace the friendship she had had with Ron and Harry. You couldn't just get over something like that in a few short months.

Since it was early, Hermione took her time getting ready. There was no use in rushing. At 9 o'clock she made her way down to the Great Hall. Not many students were up at this hour on their day off. There were a few younger students that she really didn't know and a few that she recognized.

Pansy Parkinson was sitting at the Slytherin table by herself. When she saw Hermione she waved her over.

"Hey, Hermione! Another early riser? How are you? You'll join me for breakfast won't you?" Pansy asked.

"Of course." Hermione sat down across from the Slytherin girl. "I didn't realize that you were staying here over the break as well."

"Oh, yeah. I'd rather stay here than go back home. Summer's enough home time for me. But enough about that, do you have any plans for the break? Maybe we can go down to Hogsmeade sometime before Christmas? I've still got some presents to buy." Pansy offered.

"That would be nice. I've got some things I have to get too." Hermione said.

"Great. How about tomorrow then?" Pansy asked.

"Tomorrow sounds good."

They were quiet as they ate their food, each girl lost in their own thoughts. When Pansy was finished, she said good-bye to Hermione and left the Great Hall. Hermione now sat alone at the Slytherin table.

That's when she noticed the knife next to her. She slowly turned to look about the Great Hall. The only teacher present was Professor Sprout, and she didn't know any of the students there. She turned back to the knife.

She picked it up and quickly left the Great Hall. She walked back to her room, her heart pounding loudly the whole way. She practically ran all the way into her room and locked the door, letting out a breath of relief. She hid the knife away planning on returning to it later.

She continued her day normally, or as normal as things could be. Draco woke up at lunchtime so Hermione went back to the Great Hall so that they could eat together. Hermione told Draco of her planned Hogsmeade trip with Pansy. He smiled and said he was glad she was getting along with his friends.

It was true, Hermione did enjoy hanging out with Draco's friends. She didn't spend as much time with them as she did with Draco, but if they did do something in a group it would be those four.

At the end of the day Hermione said good night to Draco and went to her room. She didn't have to wait long for Draco to go to his own room and get into bed. When she was positive that Draco was asleep, she made sure that the door was locked and got the knife from where it was hiding. Holding it up, she smiled at her victory. This time she was in control again.

For wanting her to get better they had sure gotten slack on their watch over her. She laughed silently at them for thinking that she was any better. Sure she was eating again and it was true she hadn't cut since the incident, but that didn't mean she was better. It just meant that she hadn't had anything to cut with and people where watching her as she ate.

This time she decided that instead of just cutting she would draw herself a little picture. Slowly, not all at once. That night she started with the head of the picture. It was almost an exact replica of the dragon's head on the hilt of the knife she had first cut with. The next time she would add the body and then the wings. When she was done it would be most beautiful indeed, she thought.

Hermione attempted to act the way she had been so that no one would suspect anything, but she couldn't help it. She saw drawing away from everyone again. She went to Hogsmeade with Pansy as planned and she had to admit that she had a good time, but after that she started keeping to herself. And Draco was noticing it. She would say she was tired and go to bed early, but Draco knew she didn't go to sleep right away because she was still awake when he went to bed. He started to get worried. He had gotten a little slack on his job to help her, but he thought she was better. He thought she had finally gotten past that. But maybe he was wrong.

He worried about her. He didn't want anything bad to happen to her again. It made his heart ache just to think about her in such pain. But could he really feel so bad for her when she inflicted the pain onto herself? He would confront her then. He would demand that she show him her wrists, and then he would know.

It was a week later when Draco had finally caught on and decided to do this. Then he would watch her more closely.

They were in their Common Room that Monday night. It was a little after 10 o'clock when Hermione announced that she was going to bed.

"Hermione," Draco started. "Let's cut the bullshit. We both know that you're not going upstairs to go to bed."

Hermione had her back towards him and didn't turn around. "I don't know what you're talking about Draco. I'm tired, that's all, and I'd like to go to sleep." She started up the stairs.

"Hermione," Draco paused, only slightly, realizing he didn't know her middle name. "Granger! You come back here now and show me your wrists!" He demanded.

"No! You're not the boss of me, Draco Malfoy! You can't tell me what to do!" Hermione shouted, and started running up the stairs.

"Yeah, but I can make you!" He started after her. He had no problem catching her with his quick reflexes.

Hermione struggled against him. "You let me go! Right now! I can do what I want!"

Draco caught her arm and pushed the sleeve up. Sure enough there were cuts that were beginning to heal and some that were more healed than others. He was puzzled for a moment at the fact that it was in the shape of a dragon.

Hermione was crying now, leaning heavily against Draco. He wrapped his arms tightly around her and held her.

"Hush, love, it's okay. It will all be okay." He whispered into her hair.

"You don't know that." Hermione let out between sobs.

"Well, I can try to make it better." He said. "Here, let me heal this for you." He pulled out his wand to heal her wrist.

She shook her head and pulled her arm away from him. "No, I want to keep this one." She said, quietly.

"Why?" He asked, remembering what picture the cuts made.

"Because I think if I don't I'll never stop." She whispered.

Draco just nodded his head. "Okay."

They stood there for a few moments, Hermione leaning against Draco and Draco stroking her back, softly.

After a few minutes had pasted Hermione said, "Jane."

Draco looked down at her. "What?"

She smiled. "My middle name is Jane."

Later that night when Hermione was actually going to go to bed Draco followed her into her room. He told her that he had to search her room for any objects she could use to cut. She nodded, silently and he started his search. The knife was the only thing he found.

Before he left for the comfort of his own bed he turned to her. "Maybe you should go talk with someone about this."

"I have you to talk to." She said.

"I know, but maybe it would be good for you to talk to a different person." He explained.

"I don't know, maybe. I'll think about it."

"Alright, good night then." He said.

"Night."

Hermione didn't fall asleep right away. She thought about what Draco had suggested. She wasn't entirely sure that she wanted to talk to someone else. What could it possibly do, but drag more people into this mess that she was in? Snape had offered to be there for her to talk with. She must be crazy to even think about talking to Snape about this! But he already knew about it so she wouldn't be dragging anyone else into her messed up life.

She thought on it until the small hours of the morning. She finally fell asleep and didn't wake up until well after lunchtime. By then she had made up her mind. She would talk to Snape even if it was the last thing she wanted to do.

By Friday Hermione had gathered up enough courage to talk with Snape. Whoever said Gryffindors were courageous had never had to talk with a man like Severus Snape.

It was after lunch. Hermione told Draco where she was going and headed towards the dungeons. She didn't know how likely it would be to find the Potions Master in his office but she tried there first. As luck would have it he was there. She knocked softly on the door and entered when she was told to.

Snape looked up at her and didn't respond at first. "Yes, Ms. Granger? Is there something you need?" He finally asked.

"Um," Hermione started. "Well, you said that, um, I could, um, come talk with you if I, um, needed to." She looked down at the floor waiting for his answer.

He stared at her and then nodded his head. "I suppose I did. Do you wish to talk then?"

Hermione nodded. "If you're not too busy."

"No, please, sit down." He said, pointing to the chair in front of his desk. Hermione did as she was told. "Now what was it that you wanted to talk about?"

And with that Hermione let everything out. Everything that was buried inside her was released and given to the Potions Master. She found that after she got past the initial nervousness that he was actually quite easy to talk to. He didn't say anything to her that put her down or made her feel bad. They ended up talking until dinnertime.

They stopped when Hermione's stomach growled. She blushed.

"I suppose it's time to eat." Snape said, lightly.

"Er, yes. Thank you, Professor, for letting me talk with you. I really needed that." Hermione said.

"Of course, Ms. Granger. Anytime." He said, and was surprised when he found that he really meant it. "You should go eat now. I will see you later, Ms. Granger."

"Okay, thanks again!" Hermione said, as she left his office. She met up with Draco and the gang in the Great Hall.

"How did it go?" Draco asked, as she sat down.

"Really well actually." She said.

"Really?" He asked, surprised.

"Yeah, we talked about everything that happened and I feel really better now. Thanks for suggesting that I talk to someone Draco. It really helped."

"Well, I'm glad." He said.

Hermione truly felt better. She felt like she had finally gotten over that bump and was on a better path now. She smiled, a true, genuine smile. Something she hadn't done in a very long time. She talked, and laughed with Draco's friends and enjoyed her dinner. That night she fell asleep happy and with a smile on her face.

And end chapter 8! Um, not sure how I feel about this chapter. Tell me what you think!