Uchiha Sasuke: Hell Chronicles

by oppopopo

Thrown into hell by an irritated Sage, Uchiha Sasuke is faced with the moral dilemma of the ages. Should he strive to be the ruler of heaven or hell? Being the big bad of the underworld was appealing, but being prayed to by the multitudes in churches had its own charms. To top it all off there's a magical girl on his case. The trials of an Uchiha never end. Why was he so badass?

7. Epilogue-1- Your sister calls me Satan

Epilogue part 1 - Your sister calls me Satan

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto or High School DxD

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Author's note-

Six paths translation-

Deva Path - Tendo

Asura Path - Shurado

Human Path - Ningendo

Animal Path - Chikushodo

Preta Path - Gakido

Naraka Path - Jigokudo

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Author's Note- I'm assuming that the characters are all speaking a pseudo mix between English and Japanese.

Now with that out of the way, Sa-tan and Satan sound the same don't they? :)

Also, a brief familiarity with the prologue of my other story 'Boarding School Ninja' is required for the beginning of this chapter.

TL;DR- After they beat Kaguya, the Sage sends each member of Team 7 into their own dimension in order to find out if peace is really possible. And now we catch up with the Sage and Sasuke duking it out.

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A few months ago, Konoha, Elemental Nations

I am the one who calls himself Otsutsuki Hagoromo.

And I stare in disappointment at the boy who inherited Indra's chakra.

"Where the hell did you send them!" the boy hollered with rage as he ran towards me, with a spear of lightening in his hand. His Sharingan in one eye and his Rinnegan in another, the boy looked ready to fight me to the death.

I frowned at him as I slapped his hand away the moment he reached me and attempted to pierce me through, "ever so quick to the draw, aren't you, Indra?" I rotated my staff and struck his face, whacking his head to the side and making him step back unsteadily. I pursed my lips, "might makes right. You will rule the world and that will solve all its problems, won't it?"

The boy growled, glaring at me with mad eyes, like a rabid dog which needed to be put down. "I am not Indra. I am Uchiha Sasuke." He pointed his hand at me. "Your son is a failure who couldn't do anything with the power that he had. He prevailed neither in revenge nor his goals." The boy scowled. "I will." His Rinnegan rippled. "Shinra Tensei."

I cracked a grin.

He'd use ocular powers against me?

I merely held my palm outward and stood my ground.

Wham!

The shockwave stopped upon the flat of my palm and pushed no further towards me, but all energy has to dissipate, so it pulsed back with full force towards its origin.

Wham!

"Guah!"

The boy yelled as he shot off the ground and slammed into a building, breaking the wood and landing somewhere inside a living room.

"And what is your goal, Uchiha Sasuke?" I crossed my arms as the boy emerged from the wreckage, bleeding slightly from his skin torn by the debris. "What good does trapping my children serve you?" I frowned, "the bijuus' imprisonment doesn't guarantee that wars won't be fought over them again. Nor does killing your leaders mean the cycle won't repeat." I do not mean to be cruel, the boy however has to hear it, "there will always be a tragedy. Always an Uchiha Itachi who will butcher his family and spare his brother." I narrowed my eyes, "stop your foolish crusade to be some savior. You shall do more harm than good."

The boy glared at me. "You… you watched, didn't you?" He walked towards me with roiling hatred in his brow. "As my clan was being killed… you watched." He clutched his fists, his hands shaking with anger, "all that power… and what do you do with it? Nothing." He chuckled with disdain, "you disgust me." He smiled with madness, "time to die." His Mangekyo spun, "Susanoo." His armored warrior formed around him and he shot off the ground towards me, using his wings to propel himself forward.

I replied in kind, holding my palm outward.

"Gakido."

His Susanoo vanished. And all that remained of the chakra guardian's punch was the boy's own fist which I harmlessly caught in my palm.

He chuckled, panting slightly at the chakra he just lost. "A-All this power. And you choose to just watch." He turned a bitter smile towards me, "you're just the same as everyone else. You're no God of Shinobi."

I shook my head, "you don't want to be a god." My lips curled, "trust me." I continued, "and why would I choose sides? Who is right, who is wrong. How can I determine that?" The boy snatched his hand back from my palm and stepped back, looking horrified at my words. "For every life that ends, another begins elsewhere," I sighed, "that is the only truth of the cosmos."

Uchiha Sasuke, blinked at me with wide eyes, "you… you would turn a blind eye to injustice? To monsters like Uchiha Obito and Madara-"

I frowned, "you are no paragon yourself, avatar of Indra. You pursued your goals, they pursued theirs." I scowled, turning away from him and walking towards the Chibaku Tensei satellites in the sky which held my children. "What is this justice you speak of? Is it the prevailing of your side? Can you quantify how right you are?" I floated up the air, positioning myself in the center of the nine satellites and feeling for my children's chakra. I spoke in a loud voice, "do not speak to me of monsters and injustice, Uchiha Sasuke." My eyes narrowed, "not especially after you spit once more upon my teachings and wish to divide the world."

The boy muttered, "Tendo," and then floated up himself, hoisting himself in the air and flicking his hands, sending the satellites away and leaving us alone in the air. Uchiha Sasuke scowled, "your entire creed is brittle. Strength in unity when everyone has their own agenda?" He spoke with narrowed eyes, "don't make me laugh. Such idealism only leads to disappointment." He smirked, "I'm sure you're well used to that by now. Isn't that why you left things to me and Naruto? Why interfere now?" For all he pretends to not care, the boy's eyes were filled with concern and hatred, "where did you send Naruto, Sakura and Kakashi?"

I spoke the truth.

"I've sent Uzumaki Naruto to a place where he can gain stability and find the love of a family.

"I've sent Haruno Sakura somewhere where she will learn to let go of her obsession over you.

"And Hatake Kakashi has had his fill of being a shinobi to last three lifetimes. Let him fight for himself now, rather than serving a profession which continues to take and take and not give anything back."

The Uchiha gave me an ugly smile. "We have yet to free the world from the god tree. What of its plight?"

I smiled back, unable to hold back the bitterness upon my face, "the world ignored me when I screamed at it my knowledge and teachings. I can afford to ignore the world for a while."

The boy chuckled, "why the sudden interest in interfering again? Why not just watch as I slaughter the scum of the world."

I spoke with a heavy heart, "I don't know."

The boy blinked. "What?" He furrowed his brow, "the fuck do you mean you don't know?"

I shrugged, confusion and turmoil reigning within my words, "I've been watching people for centuries. And it is always the same thing. Always the same mistakes." I leaned my staff against my shoulder and crossed my legs in the air, levitating over my truth seeking balls. "For once… I wish to see the world unite." I chuckled, "truly unite. Doesn't it sound fascinating?" I gazed upon the sky as I imagined it, "a universal observance of ninshuu. All hands reaching for the stars and joining their collective wills, to become something truly beautiful."

I smirked at the Uchiha, "make it happen, Indra. And I will forgive your betrayal."

The ever petulant boy pouted, he might think he's being menacing, poor boy, he doesn't realize how much I'm used to his 'assertions of dominance' as he used to put it in his younger days. He said, "don't shove your philosophy down my throat." He shook his head, "I'm not Naruto." He frowned, "that… would never work out for me." I furrowed my brow, catching a hint of well disguised sadness in his tone. "And why would I even want to do something like that?" Uchiha Sasuke flared his chakra, and shone a malevolent purple. "I'm strong enough on my own."

I pointed my hand at him and muttered, "Bansho Tennin."

"A-Aaah!" His eyes widened and he yelled as he hurtled towards me. I caught him and held him by his collar, putting my hand atop his head. He growled with surprised anger, "let me go, what are you-!"

I cut him off.

"Ningendo."

And I grasped his soul with my fingers.

His arms and legs slackened, and his eyes becoming dull. His face falling with unresponsiveness as he lost control of his body.

I spoke.

"Uchiha Sasuke, one day you will face an opponent like no other. Your kind always does." My eyes glowed an bright purple as I looked into the boy's eyes. "Your power alone will not be enough to defeat them."

His spirit howled, shivering and shimmering outwards from his body.

"I will fucking murder you, Otsutsuki! Unhand me!"

I smirked.

"You can certainly try, I could use the exercise." I chuckled and continued, gathering my memories and sending them directly into the boy's mind. "I am entrusting you with the greatest technique I have ever encountered in all my travels. A perfect embodiment of ninshuu." I smiled, "I haven't taught this to anyone else, but I choose to give this to you. Aren't you glad, Indra?"

The spirit's hands tried to punch my face but they passed harmlessly through me, "for the last time, I am not your son! I am Uchiha Sasuke! Son of Uchiha Mikoto and Uchiha Fugaku!"

I smiled, "my apologies, but a father can't help but wish to make amends with his son." My face became severe again, "learn some humility and decency, Uchiha Sasuke. For you are far too stubborn and ambitious for your own good. Too cocksure in the merits of an iron fortress." I grasped his soul hard, making it wince.

I continued, "this is an ultimatum, Uchiha Sasuke. Either change your ways, or be destroyed by the very technique I'm teaching you. The day you use it will be the day you shall be judged."

I then let him go, and the boy's eyes fluttered as he regained his motor functions. He groaned, clutching his head in pain. No doubt the effects of me shoving knowledge into his thick skull. He muttered, "w-what the fuck kind of name is genki dama?" He asked while asserting Tendo again to float in the air.

I chuckled, using the time afforded by boy's state of disarray to chart a course to another dimension with my eyes. "Personally, I would have named it ninshuu dama, but sadly I am not its creator." I spotted a dimension with monstrous beings. Dragons, gods, and other obscenely strong supernatural creatures. A dimension where Indra will be forced to use the genki dama if he wishes to survive. "You may call it spirit bomb if you wish, that's what its other practitioner tends to call it anyway."

The boys shook his dizziness off and stared at me, giving me a menacing smirk, "fine then, I'll use it on you." He raised his hands to the sky, the Preta Path manifesting in him and expanding his senses. Stretching his ability to detect lifeforce to the limit, but robbing him of the power to forcefully rip off energy from others. He bellowed, "planet, give me your energy!" I smiled, marveling as I saw particles of life gathering in the air. Truly, an wondrous technique where all energy must be supplied willing.

Uchiha Sasuke's hands started shaking, and his knees began buckling. He said through gritted teeth, as a ball of energy began gathering over his hands. "W-What the hell- gah!" A bolt of ki shot out of the small ball which'd formed atop him and struck his hands. He glared at me, "w-why is it attacking me- gaah!" The ki began a wholesale attack upon the boy, blasting a continuous wave of destructive energy at him and covering him from all sides. "T-This isn't what you showed meee!" The boy screamed as he folded into himself under the assault of the energy. "F-Fuck you, Otsutsukiii!"

I smiled and added on happy note, "did I mention that only one with a pure heart can wield the genki dama?" I chuckled, grabbing the boy and banishing the energy, holding onto his smoking and twitching body, "perfect for someone like you, petulant boy."

Uchiha Sasuke glared, his body spasming. "I-I swear vengeance upon you, a-asshole." He muttered, "I-I'll use this someday. Hopefully on you." He grinned maliciously, "you'll never see it coming."

I laughed and patted his back, simultaneously opening up a swirling black portal behind him using my eyes, "that's the spirit. Now, off with you to the next dimension."

He blinked. "The next what? Gah!"

I whacked him across the face with my staff, sending him sailing towards the dimensional door.

He roared as I saw the last of him consumed by the darkness.

"C-Curse you, Otsutsuki! Watch your back, for I shall have my-!"

And then the portal closed off, thankfully cutting off his voice and leaving me with blissful silence.

I sighed, hoping I didn't just make a terrible mistake. Surely there's no way this can go wrong… Right?

"That boy sure has a pair of lungs on him."

I mused as I headed towards my children trapped in the Chibaku Tensei satellites.

It's about time we had a long and hard discussion about their life choices…

Especially Kurama the nine tailed 'demon' fox…

I groaned, dragging a palm down my face.

Why are all my children such troublemakers?

---

Present day, Uchiha apartment

"Aaah!"

I, the one true evil, also known as Uchiha Sasuke to those I personally terrorize, screamed as I awoke from my nightmare. My eyes wide and my breathing faster than usual as I stared upon the brown ceiling of my room, laying in bed and lying upon my back.

"Zzz… Zzz…"

I growled with anger, as my mind decided to remind me exactly how I ended up in hell. The sheer demeaning way the Sage toyed with me, treating me like a child before sending me off to hell as if giving me a time-out.

"Zzz… No, Kara-chan… Hehehe… You're the cutie… Zzz…"

I snuggled against my pillow which was extra warm, extra comfy and covering my whole length of my body for some reason (and is it just me or did the pillow just snuggle back…) I felt a smile creep up my face as I plotted my revenge. One day, I'll return to the elemental nations. And I'll seal the Sage just like I did his mother. And then there will be nothing to stop me! Ahahaha! And then I'll seduce Naruto to the dark side-

"Zzz… Zzz…"

My eyes twitched with annoyance. Okay, who the hell is snoring during my maniacal monologues? I whipped my head down-

And saw a mop of long and black hair, a woman wearing pink pajamas with blue stars on them, and her face resting on my chest and drooling happily upon my shirt with a open mouthed smile, her arms wrapped around my back as she lay asleep beside me on my bed.

…damn she looks cute. Makes me want to kiss her cheek and pet her head. Okay, wait… yeah, I think I'm already petting her. I glared at my hand as it'd decided to proceed without my command.

"Zzz… huh?"

Her eyes fluttered open and she yawned. Levi-tan blinked the sleepiness out of her eyes, adjusting herself slightly within my grasp (…I'm still hugging her, aren't I?)

My hand immediately stilled and retreated from her head and my eyes adopted a look of disdain.

She met my eyes and immediately her eyes sparkled as she gave me drowsy grin. "Good morning!"

My look of disdain evaporated upon witnessing her excitement at seeing me. It'd transformed into an exasperated frown instead. I spoke, "I was very clear. You take the sofa, and stay out of my bed." I glared, "and how long are you going to camp out in my home? It's been more than a 'few' days."

Levi-tan pouted, "but the sofa is hard and lonely!" She giggled, "oh and umm… why are you complaining now? I've been doing this since the first day I got here you know?" She pinched my cheeks as my eyes widened, "I'm so used to my Sasuke-chan teddy bear that I can't sleep without him now!" She smiled, "you hug me back too, well, in your sleep at least… why can't you do that normally!" She ended with a frown.

What kind of a fucking failure of a ninja am I? It's like I don't even register her as a threat. Well that's just bullshit. She's the biggest threat to my machinations since Itachi and Naruto. You don't see me hugging them in my sleep… Oh… Oh god I just imagined it and now I need another session of beating it out of my head with my Susanoo… I wonder if Naruto still has that ridiculous night-cap he wears- Ah fuck! Get out of my head, dumbass! I don't need to imagine you in sleepwear!

Levi-tan then shuffled under the bed-sheet which covered the both of us. She put her arms around my neck and pulled herself higher, sliding atop me and stopping when our faces were in line. I was too panicked to care, my eyes flitting about rapidly to find something to distract myself away from my meandering thoughts. She smiled, her elbows propped on either side of me and her forehead lightly touching mine, "you don't mind sleeping with me right-"

Right, she'll do! I clasped my fingers behind her head and pulled her down-

Her eyes widened as our lips smashed together, "m-mmnph!"

Looking at me with surprise, her face quickly shifted to delight as she wrapped her arms around my neck and closed her eyes, hugging me close and intertwining our legs.

My… my hands unclasped and one of them began stroking her long and beautiful hair, freed from its usual ponytail and falling freely around her shoulders. My other hand settled on the small of her back, holding her down and pressing her warm body against mine.

I… I don't know what I'm doing…

Nor why I'm doing it.

Just that whatever I'm doing right now…

We parted and she gazed down at me with a breathless smile, which took my own breath away and sparked a hesitant smile on my face.

Whatever this is…

It feels like home.

She giggled and pecked my cheek, "I'll take that as an open invite." She gave me a mischievous smile, "you're becoming more resistant to me. Guess I'll have to switch things up!"

I gulped with trepidation, wondering what I just got myself into.

Levi-tan was more than happy to inform me.

She said, with her thumb idly stroking my cheek and a captivating grin on her face, "don't be surprised if our tongues do a meet and greet next time." She winked and chuckled, "I'm sure they're both very eager to meet each other!" She then frowned, "actually why wait? Let's do it now!"

Levi-tan chuckled and her face swooped down in an attack, her lips puckered, I quickly turned my head away, landing her kiss upon my cheek instead. She hummed with disappointment, "hey, stay still," and she had another go at me, sliding to my side and landing in front of me, putting her hands behind my head and gently pulling me forward, but I was too wily for her, for I took my pillow and stuffed it in her face. She yelped, "ack! O-Oi!"

I gloated in triumph, turning my nose up, "foolish devil, your weak attempts to claim victory are for naught." I smirked, still stuffing the pillow in her face and watching her flail and complain. "For you face the indomitable will of Uchiha Sasuke."

Levi-tan shoved the pillow away and glared at me. "You got pillow in my mouth." She sighed and settled down beside me, lightly resting her arm on my shoulder and frowning sadly, "come on… I wanna do it. Don't… don't you trust me?"

I pursed my lips and let her have it, "you're Leviathan, the fabled fish of legend." I smiled (for a very good reason), "of course I trust you, kooky."

She blinked, taken aback. Levi-tan then chuckled, "um, sea serpent actually but fish works I guess?" She tilted her head with a smile, "thanks, but what does that have to do with anything?"

I grinned.

"In cod we trust." She stilled. I smirked, "I trust you with all my heart, fishy."

Her eyes twitched with monstrous irritation. "D-Do you like annoying me?" She said taking deep breaths as her grip on my shoulder tightened.

I shrugged with a smile, "gill-ty as charged."

She let out a demented giggle, her grin forced, "h-hehehe, k-keep that up. I dare you. I double dare you, Sasuke-chan." She leaned close and hissed, "and I'll get you to shut the fuck up!"

I rolled my eyes, "ooh, so scale-y." I then flicked her nose, making her squawk and back up a little. I snickered, "got you to curse, have to say… that's pretty eel-ectrifying." I said with a smug grin, satisfied at making her lose her cool and cracking her normally affable demeanor.

She glowered for a moment, rubbing her nose. Before she began smirking craftily, twirling her hair with her fingers, "you wanna play hardball huh?" I scoffed and beckoned her to do her worst. She chuckled, sitting up and staring down at me. "No… that'll just fire you up." Levi-tan gave me a devious grin, "let's play softball instead." Her hand suddenly glowed with a magic circle and icicles formed over my head in the air, Levi-tan chirped, "think fast, Sasuke-chan!" She flicked her hand down.

My eyes widened at her spontaneous murder attempt and I leapt up to escape the ice-

Shatter!

And fell right into her awaiting arms as she clutched my head and shoved it into her bosom.

My mind screeched to a halt, my hands falling limply to my side as my face landed right in-between her soft chest. The urge to push against her and venture into cushier unexplored depths almost irresistible.

She giggled and did exactly what I feared in my moment of paralysis. She took it further.

"No more puns, Sasuke-chan?" Levi-tan gloated with glee, closing her arms around the back of my head and holding me in place (…h-help meee!) Like a snake coiling around its victim, she pulled me down to the bed, her lying on her back and me lying atop her on her chest, her hands pulling me against her and her legs locking around mine and trapping me in place. She sensually stroked the back of my neck, a teasing lilt in her voice, "oh don't mind me, birdie. I'm just hugging my teddy bear." She giggled, "teleporting away is the furthest thing on your mind isn't it?." She whispered mockingly in my ear, "you adorable little pushover. You'll do anything I ask right now, won't you?"

W-Whatever you say my devil… I-I mean, I'll s-show you who's a pushover, you bitch!

Levi-tan said with a cheer, "do half my paperwork!"

U-Uhh… s-sure?

She kissed the top of my head, "awesome! Next, go on a fishing trip with Sirzechs-chan!"

Well.. he is my employer now… kinda? Guess I can't keep dodging him forever… I smiled nastily and chuckled. I'll have to make preparations for our fated battle. I heard his son loves superheroes.

Levi-tan giggled, "h-hey, stop moving, that tickles!" She then added, "next up! Stop plotting to take over the world!"

…My eyes narrowed.

Okay, that's where I draw the line. No-one comes in-between me and my dream!

Levi-tan added in a grumble, "like, seriously. Stop. When you see an SS ranked criminal, you don't try to recruit them to your 'cause' and tell them that their evil older sibling impression is third rate." She sounded angry, "and quit telling the younger sister that she's weak and lacks ambition. Rias-chan keeps complaining that you're a bad influence on her employees!"

Hahaha… I shall build my army yet! And I'd have gotten that black haired Nekoshou if it weren't for Hyoudou deciding to unlock his balance breaker and demolish our surroundings.

Levi-tan then hugged me tighter, clutching me protectively and growling, "and by the way… if your brother ever comes back to life by some miracle… just know that I'll kill him in the most painful way possible. Bring him back to life. And then I'll do it again."

I winced. In hindsight, knowing Levi-tan's personality I probably should never have brought up Itachi. I didn't see any harm in singing praises of my family at the time… should've left the clan-killer out of the picture.

…speaking of killing. That reminds me…

I twisted my head up so that I met her eyes, my chin cushioned on either side by her pajama clad chest. I glared at her with killing intent suffusing in my eyes. "I'm going to kill Odin." I scowled. "His days are numbered."

She blinked back at me with wide eyes. "W-What? Why?! Don't start picking fights!" She furrowed her brow, "the heck did he do?"

My face twisted with distaste. "In the party… he looked at you wrong." I gripped the bed-sheet tight, "if that Nekoshou didn't distract me… I'd have executed that one eyed fucker right then and there."

Levi-tan scoffed, stroking my hair lightly. "He looks at every woman wrong, don't pay it much attention." A smirk emerged on her face, "makes it easier for me to manipulate him if needed, don't go ruining that okay?"

I frowned. "That's not how a god should behave."

Levi-tan gave me an amused smile. "Oh really? Then tell me, how should a god-" She winced lightly and continued, "behave?"

"They should be the ideal everyone strives towards." I said with narrowed eyes, "just, kind, benevolent." I scowled, "prevent tragedies before they even occur, teach the helpless to help themselves." My mouth turned up with disgust as I thought of the Sage, "if they themselves are pathetic and uncaring, then what hope does the rest of the world have?"

She smiled at me, "you'd do all that?"

"Yes." My voice hard with resolve. "I will banish suffering from existence." I will kill all forms in which Uchiha Sasuke manifests.

Her voice came out in a whisper,

"…stop making me fall even harder f-for you."

I frowned, not hearing half of what she said in her low voice.

She grinned at me, wiping off the momentarily fragile look on her face. "If it's you, I'm sure you'll do a great job, Sasuke-chan!" She grimaced lightly, "just… temper your expectations of divinity. You know what kinds of things heaven did to us… don't expect things to be different elsewhere." She shook her head and her face brightened again, "for now, let's just focus on making hell the best and happiest place in the world!" She chuckled, "we'll show those losers in heaven that the underworld's the paradise it wishes heaven was!"

I smirked back at her, "if it's showing people up, I'm your man."

"You sure are!" She giggled and tightened her hug again, sliding my chin under and burying my head face-first into her chest once again… (I-I could stay like this forever… in her embrace…)

Her voice was laced with mischief as she spoke in my ear, "Sasuke-chan, won't you use that magic absorption of yours?" Levi-tan snickered, "you know, the naughty version."

I felt compelled to grant her request, anything to make her happy. (And give me more of her gorgeous smiles.) I clutched her shoulders, changed the nature of my chakra to that pink coloring, and let out my technique. "G-Gakido."

And began zapping her magic out of her.

"E-Eeek!" She shrieked in surprise. Her arms froze up and her body jerked for an instant before loosening up and shivering. "A-Aaahn~" She let out a steamy moan, her breath coming out in excited pants. (W-Why do her pleasure filled groans sound so g-good?) She giggled, "i-it's like you're kneading me all o-over! H-Hehehe, a-ahh~" She leaned her cheek against the top of my head, a bawdy tone in her voice, "h-hey… wanna do it?"

I gulped. I didn't have to be a genius to know what she's talking about. I-I didn't want to engage in tomfoolery like that and so was quick to refuse her,

"S-Sure."

…

I fucking hate myself.

She cheered, "cool!" No, it's not cool! It's highly improper! Her hands started loosening my shirt, "come on, let's get this off you and then you can help me take mine off me!" For fuck's sake don't sound so excited! And let go of my damn shirt! Levi-tan giggled, "oh and… is that a hidden sword in your pants, or are you just happy to be with me?"

I flushed with mortification.

O-Oh… Oh my fucking god…

She knows.

Levi-tan pinched my cheek, her voice teasing, "you're just so cute when you look like a clueless chicken. Makes me wanna kiss you all over." She chuckled, "get it? All. Over."

H-Holy fuck! Distract her! Distract her! For god's sake, distract her!

Pun like your life depends on it!

I quipped, "so, I'm Uchiha-wt, is what you're saying?" Her hand stiffened and stopped loosening my shirt. I breathed a sigh of relief. T-Thank hell it worked-

"I'm gonna mess you up so bad, Sasuke-chan~" She said with a husky voice, leaning down to my ear, her warm breath tickling my cheek. "When I'm done with you, you'll think of me, me, and only me."

Well that backfired spectacularly…

"A-Aaah!" I gasped as she leaned down and began trailing kisses up my cheek, ending with her lips clamped upon my ear and nibbling on it lightly.

I… I can't let her continue…

I forced myself to scowl, burying the desire to respond to her in kind. To… answer what her actions were telling me.

I glared at the ceiling. She deserves better than me.

For all I like to believe that she's just an idiot… she's really done a lot for me ever since I got to Lilith…

She gave me some form of purpose while I was basically kicked out of my home dimension. Some form of amusement, which made me want to keep engaging with her and look forward to heckling her. Closing my eyes each night and wondering what tomorrow might bring. What new ways she'd find to annoy me.

Her way of looking after me isn't lost on me. She basically put a roof over my and my kids' heads. Well disguised in the form of making me work for it, but it's still something she provided. Nevermind that she took my dignity and utterly demolished the killer edge I was going for… But I can forgive that. I… can see the humor in it. I smirked. It's what made people band behind me in my Movement, coincidentally planting the seed within them that I might be a good choice for a Satan… at the right juncture of course.

I'm… glad I was able to ease some of her misgivings about her world. Her smiles seem to shine a bit brighter. Her eyes burning with purpose as she seeks to make full use of the opportunity afforded her, to change the way her society works.

I want to be with her. Helping her along.

I smiled bitterly and let out an scornful chuckle.

It's not meant to be…

Hah, what a joke.

An unstable psychopath like me doesn't get to entertain such thoughts. There are days where I don't even trust myself. To not just snap and start wholesale murder… I've already instructed Shura on what to do in case I lose it someday… Though he might hate it, it is his duty to… kill me if necessary, and protect his siblings.

I gasped again as Levi-tan's nibbling sent a wave of pleasure coursing through me, making me close my arms around her as I tried to brace myself.

…hah, makes sense that I'd turn to her to steady myself. She's one of my only pillars of support. In both this world and the last… What the fuck does she even see in me? I want to rule the world. I want to set things right. My ambitions might ruin her life and everything she has if they ever come to fruition.

Why…

Why do things have to be so complicated?

She's… she's my first friend in this world… And… I need to do right by her.

I grinned like a maniac.

I need to save the world twice over before I ever deserve an amazing woman like her.

Right now however… I need her to stop.

So I uttered in a pleasant tone,

"Sona is quite the charming young girl, isn't she?"

Levi-tan immediately stilled.

Her voice came out filled with terrified horror, "y-you…" She leaned back and gazed at my eyes with worry, "w-what did you do?"

I chuckled. "Wouldn't you like to know?"

She grabbed my shoulders and started shaking me with a panicked face, "S-Sasuke-chan, what did you do!"

I smirked, "what I'd promised you from day one." I leaned close and held my palm in front of her, slowly it closing into a fist, "I have her firmly within my grasp." I grinned, "molding her in my image, in simpler terms…" I put a hand on Levi-tan's head and patronizingly ruffled her hair, "I made her my fan."

Levi-tan glared, "I don't believe you. Sona-chan's made of sterner stuff than that."

Swap!

I swapped my phone into my hand and dialed a number.

While the phone rang, I decided to recount how I met her sister.

I began with a smile, gently running my hand through Levi-tan's hair, making her glare lessen in intensity and a pout emerging on her face instead.

"It was one fine morning, when I passed the entrance exams of a certain Kuoh Academy and was placed in the second year class-"

---

Kuoh Academy, Occult Research Club

I, Azazel of the Fallen Angels, rose my brow in surprise as the door to clubroom was kicked open. And in strutted a black haired boy wearing a white eye-patch over his left eye. A cocky and imperious look in the boy's eye and smile.

Sitting in the room were the devils I'd taken under my wing, as a part of the deal between the three factions. And also to satisfy my curiosity about the sacred gear users in Rias Gremory's peerage… Ah, my bad. I grinned, in Rias Gremory's business unit I mean.

The girl was the first to have her former servants freed from their bondage, being part of the first batch of high class devils who liberated their peerage. It spoke well of the girl when the free servants immediately and willingly agreed to be recruited as her employees and continue to support her.

Coming back to the boy who just invaded the room, the boy marched right up to me, as I lay sitting on the sofa, and demanded, "Azazel the Fallen Angel," he said with a smirk, "I require your services in seducing the student council president."

I frowned in confusion. Okay, just who the heck is this boy?

The white haired Nekoshou, Toujou Koneko, started hissing, glaring at the boy. "What are you doing here, Uchiha?"

The boy, Uchiha, smirked at the girl. "Ah, Toujou, how is your weakness this fine evening? Still pathetic enough to need rescuing by yours truly?"

Koneko glared, "…you didn't rescue me. Issei-senpai did."

Uchiha scowled, turning to the Sekiryuutei who had a stupid grin on his face. He said, "you still owe me a minion, Hyoudou. Tch. Next time you see me tempting someone to join forces, do not get in the way."

Issei had gotten up and thrown his arm around the scowling Uchiha's shoulder, he smiled, "no way man, I ain't letting you play with danger alone." He then started punching his side with a sneaky smile, "now what's this about seducing Kaichou? One sister ain't enough for ya and you want both of them?" He snickered with a lecherous grin, "you dirty dog."

Uchiha let out a menacing smile, "being a king is all about spreading your influence." He chuckled, "Sona and I… have quite a few things in common." His smirk was scheming in nature, "we'd just connect, if you know what I mean."

Issei snickered, "yeah, I feel ya." He then grinned as the boys settled down beside the window, leaning back against the wall, "bet I'll be a better king than you."

Uchiha scoffed, "in your dreams, Hyoudou."

Issei smiled and put his hand up, "first one to be a king buys the other dinner?"

Uchiha smirked and clasped his hand, "it'll be a pleasure defeating you."

Issei chuckled, "you're on, bro."

I let out an amused laugh at the sight, something told me the two boys were talking about entirely different things.

I turned to Rias and asked her, "do you know this boy?"

Rias had a scowl on her face as she saw the two boys talk amongst themselves, her legs crossed as she sat on the sofa, "yes, unfortunately. He's a desperado who found his way to government employment." She sighed, "but you'll recognize him as the maniac who frolics and cosplays with Leviathan-sama."

I blinked, a smirk emerging on my face, "he's Karasu?"

Rias sighed, "the very same. His real name is Uchiha Sasuke." She smirked, "for all his bravado he's scared witless of being in the same room as my brother-"

Uchiha instantly cut her off, "scared for your brother, not of him." He chuckled, "Lucifer doesn't know what he's dealing with."

Rias scoffed, leaning back in her sofa and smiling at him, "tell me that after you're done hiding behind Leviathan-sama's skirt, Uchiha."

Kiba, who stood in one corner of the room chuckled awkwardly, rubbing the back of his head. "Uchiha-san, maybe let's not start fighting again?"

Standing behind Rias, with an excited gleam in her eyes, Akeno on the other hand purred, covering her mouth behind her hand and hiding her suggestive smile, "oh don't stop him, Kiba." She smirked, eyeing Uchiha like a predator, "maybe he'll use those perverted techniques on us." She chuckled as Uchiha whipped his head towards her with twitching eyes. "I want to see the amazing Dildoman in action." Akeno winked, "if you know what I mean."

Uchiha growled out with gritted teeth and with a slight coloring of his cheeks, "and you're as shameless as usual."

Akeno smirked, "in my dictionary, that's called being open-minded."

Issei piped in, "senpai's got you there, buddy."

Uchiha sighed and turned away from Akeno, "just shut up, Hyoudou." He scowled, "none of you were open-minded enough to question the power structure of the underworld."

Rias smiled, "yes, there is that." She twirled a few strands of hair between her fingers, "I'm grateful for your actions, Uchiha. That's the only reason why we haven't kicked you out of the clubroom yet." She chuckled, "you're a friend of the Gremory's, as the heiress that's my decision."

Uchiha crossed his arms, "then the Uchiha clan will respond in kind." He nodded his head, "you are an ally of my clan." He smirked turning to Koneko, immediately raising her hackles and making her hiss, "as a tribute to our burgeoning relationship, I offer to train this little wild cat in how to use chakra like a competent fighter."

Koneko whipped her head to Rias with wide eyes, looking more animated than usual, "B-Buchou don't do it! He just wants to use me as bait for my sister-"

Rias chuckled at Uchiha, "she's yours."

Koneko's jaw dropped, "w-what? B-Buchou! H-He's a jerk!" She scowled, "he… he kept making fun of nee-san! I know she's a criminal but… she's still my nee-san!" She glared at Uchiha, "she's stronger than you'll ever be… you asshole!"

Rias rolled her eyes, "don't call your sensei an asshole, Koneko."

Uchiha smiled with satisfaction, "ahh, the sweet sound of having two Nekoshou under my command." He gave poor Koneko a mocking grin, "please, call me Uchiha-sama."

Koneko just growled at him and stomped away, sitting on the floor beside a cardboard box and sulking. A quivering hand emerged out of the box and offered her a packet of chocolates.

Uchiha continued, turning his gaze back to Rias, "in return, I ask that you call Sona Sitri to this clubroom, alone." He scowled, "her minions were ordered by Levi-tan to keep me away from her." He smirked, "your friendship with Sona should be enough to lure her here."

Rias raised a brow, "and why would I ask my friend to step into a trap?"

Uchiha began in a thoughtful tone, "poor Sona Sitri, always the subject of her sister's ever enthusiastic and embarrassing affection." He sighed, "won't it be nice, if once, just once, she annoyed her older sister instead?"

Rias blinked, looking astonished, "that's impossible." She gave Uchiha a weird look, "Leviathan-sama's unflappable." She grimaced, "uhh… I should know."

Issei spoke with a smile, "um, Buchou. You're kinda talking to the resident Leviathan-sama expert here."

Rias rubbed her chin with a considering look, "…oh well. This ought to be interesting." She got to her feet, "come on Akeno, let's get our student council president. I need some fresh air anyway." Akeno nodded and then the two of them flitted out of the room.

I turned to Uchiha, as he sat on the sofa opposite me, his hands clasped and leaning on his elbows. I spoke with a grin, "well, good to finally meet you without the mask." I offered him a cup of tea which was lying on the table but the boy declined, shaking his head. I continued, "now what's this about trying to recruit criminals?" I raised a brow, "are we on the same side or do you have your own agenda?"

Uchiha spoke through pursed lips, "I am the overseer of the newly established Stray Devils Rehabilitation Department in the Four Satans' government. I am merely investigating a peculiarity I found in the old case files."

Koneko's ears perked up, and she turned to us with a frown. "…what are you talking about?"

Uchiha looked at her with narrowed eyes, "…older siblings are idiots who take drastic measures to protect their brats."

Koneko blinked with confusion, "…what? I don't get it. She was trying to kill me."

Uchiha rolled his eye and turned back to me, muttering, "yeah, mine did that too." He focused his gaze upon me, looking at me with an intense gaze. "Azazel, I have a question. What will an honest answer from you cost?"

I chuckled, "if it's about women I'm free of charge-"

He cut me off, "it's about God."

"…hmm." I pursed my lips, crossing my arms. Not my favorite topic for sure. I observed with interest as the rest of the devils in the room winced lightly while the boy before me didn't even react…

Curious.

Very curious.

Let's see what he wants from me.

"Go ahead, ask your question." I chuckled, "you entertained me enough during the peace conference to warrant you a discount."

Uchiha nodded, "I see, very well." His eyes narrowed. "If there is a God, then why is the world such a horrible place to live in?" His fists clenched as he gripped his pants, "the more I learn… the more I'm… astounded, horrified, disappointed." He scowled, "does God just sit on his throne and watch with disinterest? Are all the mythologies of the world formed by selfish power mongers?" He chuckled, "spiteful enough to zap a devil's head when they invoke his name, but can't be bothered to lift a finger when someone begs for help."

I sighed and looked up at the ceiling, "kid, you're taking to someone who was cast out of his home and branded for life for one supposed mistake." I shook my head, "don't try to find logic in the heavens. You'll lose your mind and waste your life."

Uchiha glared, "but it makes no sense! Why be so powerful and not use it for good! If they wanted to they can solve all the world's problems in seconds!"

I shrugged, "then the world will just revolt and say that they don't want to be controlled by the gods." I picked up a cup and filled it with tea from the pitcher, "it's a problem with no solution." I sipped some tea, "you be a helicopter parent and you're scorned. You show some tough love and you're hated."

The boy persisted, "if you help the helpless then you solve the problem."

"…were you helpless at some point?"

The boy stiffened and glared at me.

I smiled, "do you want to prevent tragedy?"

He scowled and turned away, but I saw the slight nod of his head.

I put the cup down and stood up, walking over to him and placing a hand on his shoulder, "you're doing a good job so far, so stay on track, Uchiha." I chuckled, "ruling the world doesn't help anybody. It just introduces new problems. I'll be frank, there really is no solution to suffering. Such is the nature of existence. All we can do, is fight with all our heart and reach out a helping hand to those who need it."

The boy frowned, "is… is that all we can do?"

I grinned, as I heard footsteps and the voices of my female students come closer, "we can also give every woman we encounter the time of their lives and leaving them smiling ear to ear." I leaned down and whispered in his ear, "so, you have a game plan? Or are you doing it by the pants?"

Uchiha smirked, "just watch and behold."

I chuckled and clapped the boy's back, loving the confidence. I then headed for a corner of the room, leaving the boy the stage.

And into the room entered Rias and Akeno, along with the student council president, Serafall Leviathan's younger sister, Sona Sitri.

Sona began with a frown upon her face, "we're here, Rias, now tell me why you had to drag me to your clubroom?" Rias put her hands on her shoulder and turned her to face Uchiha who had a smirk on his face. Sona raised a brow, "ah, you."

Uchiha had a debonair grin upon his face, "yes, me." He motioned to the sofa opposite him, "please, have a seat, Kaichou. I've been dying to meet you ever since I learned Levi-tan had a younger sister."

Sona walked over with crossed arms and sat down with a disgruntled face, "I don't recall seeing your application to enroll in the Academy." She glared, "how did you get in."

Uchiha shrugged, "I'm a man of many talents."

Sona chuckled, "does that include being a pornstar- oops. I meant superstar." She smirked, "my sister was quite keen on turning you into one."

I frowned. Ohh, looks like Uchiha's losing ground. He better come up with something before he loses her interest.

The boy didn't disappoint, as he quickly used the oldest trick in the book. Changing the subject.

The boy smiled, "I'm sure you'd like to talk all day about me," the girl made face which said 'really? That's the best you can come up with?' Uchiha continued, "but, what I'm here for is to talk about your… Rating Game School."

Sona blinked, a glimmer of interest appearing in her eyes.

I pumped my fist and silently cheered for Uchiha. Atta boy! …you know what? I think I'll just call him Sasuke. He looks like a troubled young man who could use some direction in his life. I'll ask Serafall later if I can borrow him to help train my students. And use the opportunity to chat with him now and then… I do want to study his eyes as well.

Sasuke said with a serious face, "Kaichou, one of the problems with the opening up of Rating Games to devils of all classes was the severe disadvantage the lower class devils would face." He frowned, "they lack battlefield experience, do not have access to experienced trainers in strategy and magic, and have no such thing as a safe place to train which has medical facilities for emergencies." He smiled, "your school will be a boon to all devils at large. And I'm going to back you with all my support for this endeavor."

Sona was silent, looking at the table between them, her arms crossed and her finger tapping her elbow. After a few seconds she looked up with a tight smile. "I can say the same about your brazen spearheading of the Devil Rights Movement. My school alone would have perpetuated the problem of class divide ad infinitum." Her smile became a little more relaxed, "but you and nee-sama are making it possible to climb up the ladder without repercussions." Sona chuckled, pushing her glasses back, "I'm glad my sister met you. I shall fully support your endeavor as well."

Sasuke held his hand out, his face sincere, "to a magical future."

Sona smiled and clasped his hand, giving it a firm handshake, "I can see why my sister likes you."

Sasuke smirked, "her exuberance is quite tedious at times, isn't it?"

Sona grimaced, "I… I love and admire her but," she sighed, "she's too much."

I blinked as I saw Sasuke's smirk become sinister. What's the boy playing at?

His tongue forked like a snake's as spoke his soothing words, Sasuke said, "wouldn't you like to give her a taste of her own… love?" He chuckled with dark undertones, "to make her run away in embarrassment or annoyance?"

Sona frowned, "what sorcery are you talking about? Nothing can ruffle nee-sama."

"You mean Se-ruffle?" Sasuke snickered, "oh I'm going to use that on her."

I furrowed my brow, looking at Sasuke. Who the heck is Se-ruffle-… oh, he means Serafall… Seriously? Puns? Does he want pour his progress till now down the drain-

"Haha," a feminine laugh rang out.

…you cannot be serious.

I slowly turned my head to Sona and saw her smiling with an amused face. "Quite the sharp mind you have." She frowned in thought for a moment and then her eyes brightened and she said with a grin, "a pun-ishing intelligence."

Sasuke chuckled, his laughter sounding genuine, "hey, your sister's the happy victim." He grinned back at her, "want to be pun-pals?"

I scratched my hair with confusion. What the heck is happening?

Issei on the other hand started fanboying with an awed face, muttering, "t-this is like watching a master in action!"

Kiba blinked, muttering. "I don't get it. What does punishing have to do with intelligence."

Getting back to the boy and girl, who still hands their hands clasped by the way, seemingly having forgotten about it. They both exchanged a sneaky smirk.

Sona said, "this annoys nee-sama? Are you positive?" Sasuke nodded. Sona snickered, "I believe I will enjoy our friendship. Especially when observed within nee-sama's earshot."

"Likewise, Kaichou."

The girl shook her head, "please." She smiled, "call me Sona."

I felt my jaw slowly drop as I heard that. I turned to Sasuke with burgeoning respect. Holy shit this madlad is on a first name basis with her within the span of one conversation… He's starting to remind me of myself!

Rias chuckled, walking over and sitting beside Sona, "now I just feel bad for Leviathan-sama."

Sasuke smiled at her, "thank you, Rias. I'll be sure to tell Levi-tan that you arranged the meeting between me and her sister." The boy's smile was positively manipulative and evil, "good luck."

Rias paled, gawking at him with an open mouth, "n-now listen here, you can't do that!" She held her shoulders and shivered, "I-I don't want to imagine what she'll do to me!"

Sona chuckled, crossing her leg over the other, "don't worry, I'm sure a magical girl dress which fits you doesn't exist." She snickered, "fatass, Ria-ss Gremory."

Smack!

Sona and Sasuke exchanged a grin and slapped their hands in a high-five.

Akeno hummed, a considering look on her face, "hmm, fatass Ria-ss." She smiled sharply at Rias, "I ought to remember that the next time you slack on your training."

Rias scowled, "oh shut up."

My boy Issei was quick to the rescue, giving Rias nod and a huge smile, "don't worry, Buchou! You got a great ass!"

"S-Seriously, shut up." The poor girl groaned and buried her face in her palms, though I spied a slight flush of her cheeks and a small smile as she turned away from Issei.

Sona smiled at Sasuke, "would you like to play chess later, Uchiha-san?"

Sasuke turned away from basking in at Rias' anguish and gazed at Sona with a frown, "Uchiha-san? That doesn't sound right." He rubbed his chin, "call me what your sister would call me." He smirked, "make my name… cute."

Sona furrowed her brow, "I'm sorry?"

Sasuke leaned back on the sofa, resting his arm on its arms, "come on, humor me."

Sona looked at the ceiling for a second and then stared back at Sasuke with a weirded out face, "you want me to call you Uchiha-chan?"

"No." He shook his head. He chuckled, "make it cuter."

"…Sasuke-chan?"

The boy leaned on his elbows and arrested her within his sights, "Getting warmer."

"Sacchan?" said Sona, now looking curious despite herself.

His voice was goading as whispered out his words, "So-tan, So-tan, So-tan." He smirked as Sona immediately flushed with embarrassment and jerked back with wide eyes. Sasuke continued with a chuckle, "Levi-tan just loves flaunting her dear little So-tan. Her entire office lined with picture after picture of her adorable little munchkin." Sasuke chuckled as the girl groaned with mortification, pinching the bridge of her nose. "So come on, So-tan. Use her cute pet names against her." He leaned forward, his hand on the table and his face almost invading the girl's private space. He grinned, "We have a So-tan. Your sister is Se-tan." He laughed lightly, "now what does that make me?"

Sona muttered with confused eyes, "Sa… Sa-tan…" The girl's blinked as if she realized something, and an ear splitting grin erupted on her face. She laughed, her shoulders shaking with mirth, "H-Hahaha! O-Oh, Satan." She gave him a big smile, "I like you."

---

Uchiha apartment

"Hello, Satan. Been a while since you called." Sona's voice chuckled from my phone, "I was starting to miss our talks."

And I, Uchiha Sasuke, observed with glee as I saw Levi-tan's dead eyed expression. Her face having become paler and paler with dread as I recounted the story of how I met her sister.

I leaned close and whispered in her ear, "hear that? Your sister calls me Satan."

Levi-tan whipped her head towards me and glared, "y-you monster. I-I'm gonna kick your ass-"

Sona's chiding voice came out my phone, "nee-sama. Please don't do that to Satan. I enjoy talking to him."

Levi-tan stammered, snatching my phone and speaking into it, "b-but, So-tan! You're mine! He's trying to steal you from me!" She pouted, "y-you never call me cute nicknames!"

"Haha," Sona snickered, "don't be shell-fish, nee-sama."

Levi-tan jerked back with revulsion, my phone slipping out of her hand and flying up the air.

I deftly caught it and sent Levi-tan a cocky grin, speaking into my phone, "I'd call her more of a jelly-fish myself."

"A-Aaaah!" Levi-tan screeched, grabbing her head and folding into herself, "s-stop it! Y-You guys are so annoying!"

I scoffed, "Uchiha Sasuke is never annoying."

Sona felt the need to add, "he's only slightly emu at times."

Levi-tan grumbled, "you sure? Sounds more like a bass-tard to me." She scowled at me, muttering absentmindedly, "you're lucky I love you."

My triumphant grin immediately died. As I looked at her with wide eyes.

She frowned, "what? Why're you looking at me like that?" Worry entered her gaze, "hey I'm just joking," she pursed her lips, "did I say something mean-"

I cut her thoughts before she realized what she said.

"H-Hey, I'm a bastard," I grit my teeth and stopped my smile from shaking, "but I have no egrets." I then clapped her shoulder, "and also, welcome to the club."

Levi-tan stayed quiet for a moment. Before she let out a monstrous sigh and then beamed at me, "I'm going to wake up the kids, and get them ready for the day! I'm bringing them to work with me!" She leaned close and pecked my cheek, "laters, Sasuke-chan!" She then hopped off the bed and walked away, whistling a jaunty tune while bunching up her hair and tying it with a band.

Sona's voice immediately said as Levi-tan left, "she's scheming. That's her 'I'm so innocent I won't hurt a fly' voice."

I rolled my eyes, "what will she do? Throw a tantrum?"

Sona hummed, "whatever it is…" she chuckled, "do send me pictures of the aftermath, I always like a good laugh." Her voice seemed to grin, "I wonder if she'll top showcasing you as a pervert to the entire world."

She did do that didn't she…

"I-I'm in danger."

"Smack dab right inside it."

"T-Talk to you later."

"All the best, Satan."

I immediately cut the call and scrambled out the room, not wanting to give Levi-tan a chance to get back at me-

Two little girls stood in the hall, twirling their magic wands and swishing their frilly yellow and pink frocks around. They noticed me approach and turned to me with excited grins.

"Nii-san!" Yelled Gaki and Jigo as they ran towards me and latched onto my legs, hugging me with their disgustingly lovable costumes which made me want to coo at them and pinch their cheeks. (I-I think I'm gonna puke rainbows.)

I stammered with a horrified face as I knelt and put trembling arms on their shoulders. "W-Who did this to you." W-Who dare make an Uchiha so cute! We're supposed to be cold and deadly!

Gaki thrust her wand in the air, "the defender of justice! The punisher of mischief! And a better cook than you'll ever be! It's Levi-tan!"

I gave Gaki a flat look, "brat… we've been eating take-out every night it's her turn to cook."

Gaki's eyes widened and she collapsed in my arms, "e-everything I know is a lieee!" She hugged me around my neck and began sobbing, "I can't even tell the difference between store-made and homefood! I-I'm never gonna be a food critic at this rate!" (Yeah, that's her goal in life… Surprise surprise.)

I sighed and patted her back, "shut up. You're going to be the world's best critic." I grimaced as I heard my bank account crying, "I-I'll stuff you with all kinds of food for you to write about."

"Yaay!" Gaki giggled happily and kicked her legs up in joy as she hung off me.

Jigo chuckled, "nii-san, Gaki got the same deal out of Levi-tan. She's the reason we're eating takeout."

Gaki whipped her head to Jigo with a panicked face, "n-nee-chan! S-Shut up! I have a good thing going, don't ruin it- A-Aaah!" She yelped as I began grinding my fist against her head, "n-nii-san, I'm sorry!"

I scowled, not knowing whether to be proud of her or to discipline her.

Jigo gave me a jealous look as Gaki flailed in my arms, "...my turn after you" She pouted, "I wanna bully Gaki-chan too!"

Gaki gulped and tightened her hug around me, "n-nii-san, I'll do anything you say! Please don't let nee-chan have me!" She shivered, "she's scary!"

A boisterous laugh rang out in my home. "Ahahaha! Never fear! Uchiha Gendo is here!" A blond boy in green and orange tights ran into the hall from his bedroom and jumped atop the sofa. Wearing his red underwear on the outside and looking like a nincompoop, Gendo gave Gaki a thumbs-up. "Don't worry, Gaki! I'll save you from the evil that is Jigo!"

Jigo giggled, "you can try, Gen-kun."

Meanwhile I was busy being scared shitless at the abomination my clan was turning into.

Is it wrong to think I kinda want to slash my eyes off right now? Because I kinda want to slash my eyes off right now.

But no, my torment wasn't over yet.

Shura's voice rang out next, "I am darkness." He stepped out of a dark corner in the room. "I am vengeance." He wore a black mask, black spandex, and a billowing bat themed cape. "I am the night!" He bellowed, spreading his cape wide and giving the room mighty glare, "I AM BATMAN!"

S-Shura, p-please. You're breaking my heart here.

I muttered, "S-Shura, have you lost it?"

He grinned at me, "Levi-tan said she'll introduce me to Ajuka Beelzebub!" The boy looked completely devoid of hatred and seemed chock full of giddiness, "I just have to follow the dress code! Gosh, I'm so excited! I want to tell him all about my research!"

And then to complete the macabre picture, Levi-tan and Chikusho came out of the kids' room, with her holding him in her arms and the boy smiling at her.

Levi-tan grinned at him, poking his stomach, "who's a little fairy! Who's a little fairy!" She cooed at him.

Wearing his normal clothes but with butterfly like wings protruding off his back, Chikusho giggled as he hugged Levi-tan, "I-I am! Hahaha!"

I weakly sat down on the sofa, my face lost as I gazed upon the cuteness of my clan.

Levi-tan grinned at me, her face making it clear she knew what she was doing.

She chirped, "Sasuke-chan! How do you like the makeover!"

I groaned with anguish and covered my face.

This is the future of the Uchiha clan?

...

...haha.

Hahaha!

I smiled.

"I love it."

Levi-tan beamed at me, "great! Now come on, we're already late for work! We need to flaunt our kids in everyone's face!"

I chuckled.

"Yes, ma'am."

I love you.

Serafall.

---

Author's Note:

Hi! Hope you enjoyed the chapter!

Would love to hear your thoughts!

As you know from the last chapter's author's note, I going to end this story. Because covering the whole of DxD is beyond me.

Anyway. Hope you enjoyed this chapter!

Stay safe!

Cheers!