I'm back! Well, I was never gone or anything… there was just a lot of minor things that piled up. For all of you who are reading my other stories: do not worry. I'm still writing those — though, I'm mainly working on Is it Wrong to Be a Cultivator in the Dungeon.

One thing I would like to repeat in this chapter: this story is written for shits-and-giggles, so, do not expect it to necessarily follow everything from the Danmachi Universe. If I say the characters know English, in this story, they do! Basically, this story is more like a personal commentary of the anime written only for the people's amusement — as well as my own.

Also, there's going to be a lot of swearing and use of explicit and informal language in this fanfic. Don't say I didn't warn you!

Hope you enjoy! Cue the disclaimer.

(Disclaimer: I do not own Dungeon ni Deai o Motomeru no wa Machigatte Iru Darou ka)

Watching Danmachi

Episode 2

"Hey, there's no need to be depressed y'all," Theo states after seeing the expressions of all the men in the room.

"Give us a good reason, then!" An adventurer shouts out, gaining multiple 'aye' and 'yeah' from the crowd.

"Well, because even though so many women fall for Bell, there's someone who just can't for the life of them get over the fact that the one they love doesn't like them back," he replies, staring daggers at Hestia.

"H-Huh?" Is all the goddess can manage under Theo's gaze filled with killing intent.

"Don't act like you don't know, Hestia. You're much more possessive than Freya — and yet you won't ever admit it. The boy doesn't even love you back and yet you force yourself on him at every opportunity you get. You even stop other women from getting near him. Back to the reason which all of you men asked for — he gets cockblocked every single goddamn day. There's no need for you to be sad for yourselves. You should be feeling sad for him, because some loli big boobs who keeps stopping him from-"

"PFTTTTT! HAHAHAAHH! HAWUWAAHHHHHAHHAHHAAH! HA! HAHAH! HHAHAHGGHH! HEHIIIHIIHIAHAHEHE~! BAHAHA! He said~! HUWHAHAUA! HESAIDLOLIBIGBOOBS! BAHAHAUWAHWHA! TOOFUCKINGFUNNY! ICANTSTOP~CAN'T~HAHA~STOP~LAUG~WHHAHAHH~INGHHAHAW! PFTTTTT~! OWOWOWOWOW! ALRIGHTSTOPSTOP! OWWW! I GIVE I GIVE! UWAHHOWW! STOOOOOOPP!" Yup. That was Loki.

"…" After a moment of silence, the rest of them burst out laughing, only now having noticed that Theo called Hestia by her nickname of 'loli big boobs'.

While everyone is laughing, Theo's right eye twitches in annoyance. 'Why did I ever agree with this shit. Crazy motherfuckers everywhere. I have no idea how Bell even survived past Day One in a world filled with idiots like this. I wouldn't be surprised if he decided to ally with that black dragon at this point. At least he'd have some peace if these dumbasses went extinct. These people are high on cocaine 24/7. I swear when I find that drug dealer Imma beat his ass up and send him to Hades' demons so that they rip him a new one. Now, I get why those old hags said they'd give me two hundred thousand more years of life — they're reserve life points and I'm gonna need them if I want to survive these three seasons of the anime without dying from IQ loss or insanity — whichever comes first… or both could happen at the same time. I swear there's only like four people in this damn anime that aren't totally mentally ill: Riveria, Eina, Ryuu, and Bell. Three of them are of elven ancestry, and the boy is just fucking clueless of everything not related to saving women or becoming a hero; oh, well, guess you could say that's its own kind of insanity. Maybe Asfi as well… Nah, there's no way any person could stay sane after spending so much time with that blonde twerp. Fuckin' hilarious.' The inner monologue comes to and end; "Alright, shut the hell up, all of you. Episode 2 is starting," Theo shouts, effectively silencing the rowdy crowd of 'crazy motherfuckers' who are 'high on crack 24/7' (Theo's words, not mine).

"Listen, Bell. You're sleeping on the bed, not the sofa, today," Hestia says, an injured Bell leaning on her shoulder; "Maybe I'll sleep next to you in exchange."

"Thirsty! Bitch!" exclaims the Norse Goddess of Beauty and War, which in turn gains her flabbergasted expressions from the whole room, even some from her own Familia, almost as if they were asking her whether she was making a joke or not.

While almost everyone stared at Freya with ridicule on their faces — how dare this unparalleled, this supreme, harlot say that about someone, anyone, else (except Ishtar, of course; that bitch is fair game for any insults of all levels) — Hestia was just glad the rest of the embarrassing scene was over before anyone else noticed it.

'He's growing too fast.'

"Ya' think?" Questions Loki, still rubbing her head where the elven princess had thunked with her staff.

"Definitely using cheats," Bete mutters under his breath "top-quality ones at that…"

The scene zooms in on Hestia's frowning expression: 'It must be because… of this rare skill which I've never heard of before! Liaris Freese!

"I told you all he was cheating! This is clear evidence! Give me those cheat codes, you little-!"

"…"

They had to tie him up from the ceiling and gag him this time. No idea where they got the rope, though.

'In other words, Wallenwhatsit!'

'Skill effect: quick growth. As long as his feelings remain, it'll stay in effect. And the stronger his feelings, the more its effects grow.'

"What feelings?" Aiz questions, having the capability to remember feelings and emotions that's only a little better than Dory's memory (the blue fish from Finding Nemo and Finding Dory, catch up to the times people. Pixar's good. For those of you too lazy to search it up, it means that Aiz as she is at the end of Season 1 can't remember what others feel for longer than 5 seconds as she is still obsessed with the OEBD).

"Didn't Theo already explain all of this?" Dionysus says, confused as to why they were being told the same thing once again.

"I did indeed, but this is the anime, I do not have control over it."

"Bell, you cheater!" Hestia shouts while slapping Bell's back.

"Well, he wasn't really cheating, Hestia," the red-haired goddess of blacksmithing states.

"H-He was definitely cheating!"

The outburst puts a victory smile on the redhead's face. "Would you care to elaborate as to why that is?"

"Because-" Remembering Bell's presence, the ponytailed goddess freezes on the spot, unable to finish her sentence nor make a witty comeback — which she never can do, anyways. "Y-You-! I thought we were besties! (aka "Why you bully me?")

The scene changes to the Benevolent Mistress once again. "I'm glad you came all the way here to pay your bill," the Dwarf says; turning to Bell who's bowing with a threating look on her face, "Well, if you didn't come to me, I was going to come to you."

"Hey~ there was no need to threaten him~ was there?" Freya asks. "Though it was quite fun to see that reaction~"

"Huh-" Bell pauses, recalling what Theo had said earlier, "Oh, right. Syr is Freya."

"Actually, no," Theo corrects. "Freya is Syr. Big difference."

"What is the difference?" questions Tiona with an expression of utter confusion on her face.

Theo sighs, but Riveria makes an educated guess before he can answer: "I believe that if Syr were Freya than she wouldn't have the power of the Arcanum in either form, but if Freya is Syr than she would still have access to it in the form of Syr, correct?"

Theo's mouth is left open in shock until he regains his composure a second later, "Correct; in fact, you hit the bulls-eye with that guess. Freya is the goddess, while Syr is the… alter ego, essentially. However, Freya influences Syr more than Syr influences Freya, and thus Freya is Syr, not the other way around. When Freya is Syr, one of her children, Herun, transforms into her Freya form, which is the reason why none of you idiots have been able to figure out that Syr isn't even a human."

"…"

"…Did anyone understand any of that?" Finn asks hesitantly, not used to being unable to comprehend something.

"I did!" Bell exclaims, "He's basically saying that Freya can become Syr, but Syr can't become Freya because Syr disappears when Freya stops being Syr!"

His whole Familia along with many others become shocked at this confident explanation.

"What are you all so shocked about?" Theo asks them, "He might be a little on the naïve side with people, and he's definitely no Hannibal or Sun Tzu when it comes to strategies, but he's quite smart when he wants to be. Especially when it's something all of you can't figure out."

The compliment brings a small red hue to Bell's cheeks. The attention of the crowd is directed back to Theo before anyone can ask who those men are: "All he does is think out of the box. You guys believe that common sense is a set of rules that can't be broken. His existence itself is against common sense and yet you still choose to not accept that."

'I fucking hate being taught stupid things like this,' Bete mopes, having surmised that a lesson on morality or something like that is about to begin.

"Human, Demi-human, Amazoness, Pallum, and all the other sapient races out there, are all so stubborn when it comes to the acceptance of new ideas — most of the time, the so-called "ideas" are, in fact, reality. I do understand that you may have been taught that what you believe in is the truth since you were born, but tell me this: what must happen for you to finally accept reality as it is?"

"…" Some of the more intelligent and educated people in the room lower their heads in contemplation; whereas some others — such as our tsundere wolf — just let it pass right above their heads (in Bete's case, under his head because he's hanging from the ceiling), moving on with their mundane lives and turning their gazes back to the wall that is, in fact, a large screen TV — not that any of them would accept such a thing; after all, such technology couldn't possibly ever exist, right? Anyways, moving on from the short lesson back to the anime…

"Kid, there's no point in an adventurer pretending to be something he's not," Mama Mia states with a smile on her face. "When you're just starting out, put all your energy into surviving. No matter how pathetic you feel, or how people laugh at you, if you come back alive, you win."

"Tru dat (True that)!" Theo hollers. "I concur. No point to die when you can live; well said, Mia. You should really stop trying to get yourself in situations where you're like… 100% likely to die without all this damned plot armour. It's seriously crazy how you haven't died several times over even at this point in the timeline."

Bell looks at Theodore in contemplation; "Thank you. I will be more careful from now on, Theo."

"Hey! She's here!" an unknown god says, "The Goddess of Beauty!" another unknown god exclaims.

"Unknown?!" Shouts the first unknown god. "Hold up, what daa heeeell (the hell), even da narrator doesn't bother to name me?" Nope. "Unfaiiirr!" You're a god. You have enough believers already. "Uwaaaaaa…"

"Freya!" The name is uttered in a most glamorous manner; the camera zooms in to portray Freya's face — her sense of fashion and ability to walk down the stairs with her eyes closed is clearly presented to the viewers.

"Woooww." The eyes of almost all men in the room shimmer in adoration, almost charmed by the image of the goddess.

"It's sad, really. You look way better in the mange and light novels — and most definitely in the game. That's an objective judgement, by the way. Possibly because your outfits in Memoria Freese are absolutely LIT as hell."

"Shrimp!" We all know who that was.

"Seriously, how can the both of you descend the stairs with your eyes closed?" a baffled Theo questions, gaining no response except looks of superiority from said goddesses.

"Your Familia's Sword Princess, Wallenwhatsit… is she seeing anybody?" questions the Goddess of the Hearth, earning her a deadly glare in response.

The scene is distorted as the Goddess of Mischief appears to tower above her rival, loli big boobs. "Idiot. Aiz is my favorite. If anybody went after her…" She pauses dramatically, and the view switches to Loki's devilish expression, fire burning behind her, promising hell to pay if she were to be slighted.

And then there appears a nonchalant Hestia on the bottom left corner of the screen, mimicking a donkey.

"BHAAHHAHAA! OMG! THAT! I need that every day in my life! That is actually priceless! BABABHHAHAHA!" Loki bawls with laughter at the scene; fortunately for her, Riveria is too busy snickering at the image she was just presented to pay heed to any other matters — of which "ensuring Loki lives up to her reputation as the Goddess of Loki Familia" is near the bottom of the list.

"Okay, gotta admit, that expression right there — just now — has got to be one of the funniest throughout the whole anime (not the franchise, of course)," Theo declares. "I mean, to be honest, it's only topped by a couple of Aiz' and Haruhime's. Oh, there's also that one where Eina is, like, The Devil incarnate in Season 3, Episode 10, but just forget about that for now."

"Next time we meet, don't let me see those things!" Hestia yells out in victory (?) from behind a crying Loki, her ego having been absolutely shattered.

"You guys were at it again?" a voluptuous figure in a carmine red bodycon dress with a slit thigh asks from behind Hestia; the camera pans upwards, revealing her to be the Goddess of Fire, Hephaestus. "Listen, I'm not lending you even one more Valis, okay?"

"How rude!" both the Hestia watching and the Hestia on the screen shout simultaneously.

"Do I look like someone who'd treat her friends like walking piggy banks?"

"Yes." The unanimous response of Hestia Familia causes the heavy-hearted Goddess to collapse in the sheer shock of such a public betrayal.

"Anyway, let's fast forward a little bit to the fun parts, shall we?" Theo poses the rhetorical question and proceeds to skip forward the episode. "Some parts are just boring and unnecessary, really. All you need to know that is Freya's never up to any good, Hestia's in quite a bit of debt, Miach is a really nice guy, and Bell has been given the task of delivering Syr the wallet which she has 'forgotten' for the sake of convenience."

"Oh, you mean that she meant to leave the wallet for me to bring it to her?" Bell inquires.

Theo nods. "Indeed. It was all a ploy to lure you to Monster Philia — which, I must, say this, is an awfully ironic name: you're taming monsters by essentially beating the hell out of them, and then saying you love monsters (philia: abnormal love or fondness for something)? Seriously? You all have some twisted, defective minds, man."

"I AM GANESHA!"

"Yeah, see. That," Theo points to the God of New Beginnings, Success, and Wisdom, "is exactly what I am talking about. Total idiots; no brains at all. You're supposed to be intelligent, divine beings; not… all this! And those of you with intelligence just go and waste it. Freya, you should really stop these schemes of yours against Bell, or you'll be putting yourself in the latter group of the tw–"

Theo's sentence was cut in half — so was his body, splitting into wisps of smoke.

"Huh?" Several look on for a moment, confused — then the Boaz speaks.

"I will not tolerate any slander towards my Lady."

The wisps return together and reform the silhouette of the god, and finally, Theo reappears — with no difference in his expression despite being slashed through by a broadsword only moments ago. "That takes some guts; your Familia member is quite loyal, Freya, you should learn to treasure him well."

"…"

"Let us focus back on the show, shall we?"

"It's no good… I planned to simply watch his growth for a while, but…"

"You sound just as arrogant as always," Theo states, blasé.

"A monster!" The shout is accompanied by shrill screams and heavy footsteps, a massive Silverback coming into view.

"Bell's manga and LN versions had it much worse; fighting a large foe is easy, but the LN Silverback was a slightly large monkey-gorilla hybrid thing which could actually fit through places if needed. Though I do understand why the–"

""SHUT UP FOR ONE MINUTE! We're trying to watch!"" the Hiryute sisters yell at the top of their lungs, vexed at their source of entertainment being interrupted.

"…Okay."

"Goddess, why is that monster chasing you?!" Bell is heard shouting as the silverback jumps through the streets of Orario, leaving nothing but clouds of dust and wreckage in its wake. "Do you know him?"

"Nice. Love your sarcasm," Theo whispers from next to Bell so that only the boy can hear the remark; the rabbit gives him a slightly embarrassed smile for being the only one who understood his zany humor.

"I've never met him before!"

The duo run through the narrow street and everything else turns white for a brief moment before they halt: "This is… Daedalus Street?" The silverback appears behind them, forcing Bell to jerk Hestia forward once again and proceed to enter the complex labyrinth of alleyways and backstreets that comprise Daedalus Street.

Running through the system of intertwined cobblestone passageways and only being met with the shut of doors and windows, the pair desperately continue their futile escape attempt from the rampaging monster. They exit out into an open area — a respite from the claustrophobic environment. However, they have not a moment of relief as the white furred monster falls amidst them, separating the two; "Bell!"

"Goddess!"

Boy and monster stare each other in the eye, when the monster's eyes flash a darker shade of crimson, emitting clear bloodlust at the boy. It then turns back to its prey — its true purpose — disregarding in its entirety the boy's existence, as if he was naught but an insignificant side-character.

The screen darkens to show Bell's face with an expression overtaken by fear: 'I'm scared. I'm scared, but' His hand twitches in the classic anime-style of watch me break my limits because of plot armour lol. 'I'm a man!' Sweat drops from Bell's chin. 'Go!'

"Wooooww; did NOT think Argonaut had such manly thoughts in his head even back then."

"Back then? This was like… a month and a half ago — it's quite recent…"

"Huh? No way!"

"Yes way!"

Bell runs at the monster, all fear for his own life left behind — his goal: save the girl.

"Ohmygodohmygodohmygoddddd he sees me as a girl!" Hestia screams, fangirling, gaining her raised eyebrows from all around her. She shrugs back at them: "The cat's out of the bag, anyway; might as well enjoy it while it lasts."

The boy jumps high up off the monster's knee with a war cry, striking the monster down with one, swift strike of his sword — or so it could have been, in a different world, in a different life… Against all odds, this boy who had stood up against his own fears, the one who had climbed out of the pit of self-doubt, was struck back by a monkey! Like, come on, please, it's just a damn MONKEY!

"…" The audience was speechless, to say the least, at the narrator's change in tone.

"Is he… narrating his own narration?" Yes. Shut up, Tione. "Okie." Thanks.

Bell and his goddess barely escape from the Silverback by an underhanded move.

"What! That was not–" Bell attempts to argue, before being cut down by Theo and the narrator simultaneously.

"Really?" Really?

"Okay, fine, maybe…"

Theo raises an eyebrow at that, prompting the boy to give up this fruitless defence of non-existent honour. "OK! It was underhanded! I shouldn't have done it!"

"Never said you shouldn't have done it — if you hadn't, we wouldn't be here talking or watching, and you'd be six feet under."

"You should run away." The boy looks down into the goddess' eyes, content at knowing that she'll be safe and secure.

"What are you saying?!" Hestia, on the verge of tears–

"I WAS NOT!"

"Oh, yeah; you definitely were," Bell whispers, the voice only heard by Theodore, who, in turn, smirks.

"Goddess… I don't want to lose any more family."

"Bell!" The screen darkens as Bell runs away and Hestia is left alone in the spotlight, behind iron bars. "Bell!"

The scene is enough to make grown men cry.

"Wew nod cwying (We're not crying)!"

"Sure, whatever you say, Mord," Bell states. "Though, just to make sure, you do know that I'm not going to die, right?"

"Wyyougottaspoilitthooooo (Why did you have to spoil it though)!" the grown man shots back.

"I… forget it."

"And that, ladies and gentlemen, concludes our second episode of Dungeon ni deai o-what the hell is this this long-ass name; I'm not even going to try."

Hope you enjoyed that! I know; it was short.

–OmniscientReader