Shattered Innocence
April looked at the turtle lying on her floor. His green skin looked pale and the dark bruises were apparent. He hadn't said a word. Outside of a moan or two, he had been silent. Donatello and Master Splinter had bandaged him up, and now there was nothing left to do but wait.
"He'll be ok," she said to Raphael who was pacing the floor.
The turtle with the red headband just grunted. When his eyes turned towards April, she jumped back in fear. They were so cold and angry. She had often felt a bit of unease around him, his anger was always simmering under the surface, but today it looked like he was ready to explode at any moment. She was surprised when he quit pacing and sat down beside his injured brother.
April lowered herself onto the couch. She was feeling a bit shaken up from the sudden appearance of the turtles carrying their wounded brother, but most of all from Raphael's behavior.
"You ok, April?" Donatello asked as he sat down beside her.
The red headed woman smiled weakly. "Shouldn't I be asking you that?"
Don grinned briefly. "Don't worry about Raph. He always gets this way, especially when Mikey gets hurt."
"Really? I'm afraid that if I look at him wrong, he'll rip my head off," she confessed.
"Yup, he's been this way since we were kids."
"What happened?"
"I don't know all the details, but it we were 6 or 7 years old at the time..."
Michaelangelo grabbed the scraps that he had saved from lunch. Lessons were done for the day and now it was free time. Donatello was engrossed in the broken radio that Splinter had brought home from his last scavenging trip. Leonardo was reading a book, and Raphael, well Raphael was around somewhere. The young turtle was going to take advantage of the situation; it wasn't often that he got time to himself. He looked around briefly before heading out of the lair.
Raphael watched his brother leave. He wondered what Mikey was up to. He had been acting suspiciously lately. Raph suspected that Mikey had adopted another stray and was hiding it somewhere in the sewers because Master Splinter wouldn't allow him to bring any animals into the lair. He decided to follow his brother and see what he was up to.
Mikey kept looking behind him. He had this feeling that he was being followed, but he didn't see anyone. He put it down to nerves. Mikey took a deep breath when he got to the column that marked out of bounds. The young turtles were not supposed to go outside of the border.
Raphael shook his head when he saw Michaelangelo go past the boundary that Master Splinter had imposed. He debated following for a second, but decided that it was his sworn duty to watch out for his brother. Mikey was smaller than the other three turtles, and Raphael felt protective of his little brother.
Michaelangelo watched his step. This corridor had been abandoned years before when it had started to collapse. The young turtle crawled over piles of concrete. He slipped once, but quickly regained his footing. Just a little bit further and he'd be at his goal. Mikey was disappointed when a large black cat wasn't there to greet him. He had hoped that Meower would be there when he dropped off the food.
"Here kitty, kitty," Mikey called. "Here Meower."
Raph could hear Mikey's voice. He smiled knowing that he had guessed right. He debated turning back or continuing on. He decided to keep going, who knew what kind of trouble the small turtle could get into?
Michaelangelo stopped calling and listened for a moment. A frown replaced his ever-present smile. He could just barely hear a cry that sounded like an animal in pain. He quickly headed towards the sound, wanting to help.
The closer he got to the storm drain, the louder the cries got. He strained to see what was happening on the other side of the grate. Even though half the grate was missing, Michaelangelo wasn't quite tall enough to see. Meower's cries were becoming fainter, and the turtle began to worry. He just felt that something didn't seem right. Mikey struggled to drag several pieces of concrete under the grate. He stacked them up until he could see what was happening on the surface world.
The images that assaulted his eyes were something that no child should ever see. A few feet away, in a darkened alley, several teenagers were standing over the bloody and battered body of a cat. The tallest of the boys, picked up the pitiful pile of fur by the tail. He began to swing it over his head, egged on by the laughs of his friends.
"NO!" A green shadow darted into the alley. He attempted to tackle the boy who was tormenting his furry friend. The boy easily extricated himself from the grasp of the pint- sized turtle, but Mikey's sudden attack caused him to let go of the cat which flew against the wall and landed in a lifeless heap on the ground.
The teens didn't take kindly to someone attacking one of their own. They didn't care that they outnumbered the child 5 to 1 and that they were at least a foot taller. They were armed with knives, bats, and bricks which they knew how to use.
Mikey soon found himself surrounded. He was weaponless; Splinter didn't think that they were old enough to handle weapons yet, though he had started to train them in ninjitsu. The youngster tried to remember the punches and kicks that he'd been taught. He lashed out at his attackers, but he was overwhelmed by sheer numbers. He forced himself to not cry out when their blows connected. His best intentions disappeared when a baseball ball struck his arm. Mikey cried out in pain as the bones broke.
Raphael had been trying to decide if he should head back or confront Mikey about disobeying Splinter's rules. The decision was made for him when he heard his little brother cry out in pain. He quickly rushed towards where he heard the scream. He tripped and fell several times in his rush, but finally he had made it to the grate. He stepped upon the steps that his brother had made and looked out. Fear and anger twisted in his stomach when he spied the dead cat lying there. He kept looking until he found his brother. Something snapped when he saw a group of teens standing over his battered brother, kicking him. With a primal scream, Raph went to defend his brother.
It was nearly dinnertime. Splinter went to remind his sons to wash up before eating. He easily found Donatello and Leonardo, but didn't see Michaelangelo or Raphael. "Have you seen your brothers? " He asked.
"Not since lunchtime," Donatello replied.
"It's been quiet all afternoon, so they must have left the lair," Leo added.
The rat nodded his head. It was true it had been quiet that afternoon. Somehow Michaelangelo and Raphael usually seemed to stir things up when they were together. He suspected that Michaelangelo had adopted another stray. He had forbidden the young turtle from bringing the animals he found to the lair, but it didn't deter Michaelangelo from taking them in. He was willing to overlook it, as long as none of the animals proved dangerous.
"Please check the sewers. When you find them, tell them that it's almost time for dinner."
"Yes sensei," the turtles chorused.
Splinter's feeling of unease grew when both Leonardo and Donatello returned saying that they hadn't seen either of their brothers. He tried not to let his worry show. There was no sense in distressing his other two sons. Most likely, he'd find Michaelangelo and Raphael playing out of bounds, but he couldn't shake the sliver of fear that pierced his soul.
Raphael was breathing heavily. He was covered in bumps and bruises. He was in pain, but he wouldn't back down. Mikey was curled up in a ball. He hadn't made a sound since his scream which felt like years ago. Raph stood protectively in front of his brother's battered body. He wanted to make these punks pay for hurting Mikey.
The wail of sirens filled the night. As soon as the teens heard the sound getting closer and closer they disappeared. Raph collapsed next to Mikey. They had both obviously seen better days. "Mikey, we gotta get outta here," Raph murmured to his brother.
A low moan was the only answer.
Raphael was worried. Mikey was being way too quiet, especially for him. The sirens were getting closer, and that meant that more humans would be arriving soon. He knew that they couldn't stay there. He forced himself back to his feet. Ignoring his pain, somehow he found the strength to pick up his brother. He half carried, half dragged Michaelangelo to the sewer grate. As gently as he could he eased his brother back into the sewer before he slipped past the rusting metal and jumped down to the ground. Somehow he got Mikey into piggyback position with the smaller turtle's good arm wrapped around his neck.
"I'm gonna get you home," Raph whispered. "We'll be home soon, Mikey, I promise."
The going was slow. Raph was slowed by his injuries, plus trying to carry his brother. He could only walk a few feet before he had to stop and rest. He thought about putting Mike down and going for help, but something wouldn't let him abandon his brother.
Splinter's worry was growing. He had gone past the boundaries he had set for the young turtles, but he hadn't seen any signs of his missing sons. There was no response to his repeated calls. "Michaelangelo! Raphael!" He thought about turning back and trying another tunnel when he spied a small footprint in the dust.
The pain was growing steadier. He could only take a step or two before he had to stop to rest. It would be so easy just to stop, but fear for his brother drove him. Mikey was quiet, too quiet. The small turtle hadn't as much as moaned since they had entered the sewers. "Come on bro, just hang in there," Raphael stated.
"Raphael! Michaelangelo! Where are you?" Splinter cried out.
Raph paused for a moment. He thought he had heard something. He waited to see if he heard it again.
"Michaelangelo, Raphael, can you hear me?"
Raph turned to his unconscious brother. "It's Splinter. Everything's gonna be ok, Mikey. Splinter, we're over here."
Master Splinter's joy at finding his sons disappeared when he saw their beaten and battered bodies. "What happened?"
"They... they beat up Mikey," Raphael said angrily. "There were five of them. They ganged up on him. Kicked him when he was down."
"It's ok, Raphael," the rat soothed. He could feel the anger and hatred radiating from the turtle. "Let me take your brother. Can you walk?"
"Yes, sensei."
Splinter was worried about Michaelangelo. The young turtle was covered in bruises and had a jagged cut on one shoulder. One arm was obviously broken, and from the labored sound of his breathing, several ribs were probably fractured as well. The most worrisome thing was the lack of response for them turtle.
Raphael was injured as well. He was limping badly. Bruises mottled his green skin as well. A knife wound still oozed blood. By the sheer force of his will he remained on his feet, stumbling after the rat as they made their way back to their lair.
Donatello froze when he saw Splinter walk in with Raphael and Michaelangelo. He was shocked to see his brothers so bruised and battered. "Wha...wha...what happened?"
Splinter tried to smile to ease his son's fear. "Donatello, I need you to bring me the first aid kit."
"Y..y...yes sensei." The turtle almost tripped over his feet to do his father's bidding. He quickly ran to where the first aid kit was stored.
Leonardo looked at Don's panicked face as he struggled with the first aid kit. "What's wrong Donny?"
"It's Mikey and Raph. They're hurt bad."
Leo helped Don carry the metal box to Splinter. Even though he had been warned, Leonardo was horrified when he saw Michaelangelo and Raphael. "Sensei?" He asked.
The rat knew that his sons wanted him to assure them that their brothers were going to be ok. Unfortunately at that moment he wasn't sure if he could. He eased Michaelangelo down onto the mat he used for sleeping. This was the first chance he got to see the extent of the injuries.
Splinter looked into the eyes of Leonardo and Donatello. "I'm going to need some soap and water."
The two turtles rushed to get the supplies.
The rat looked up to find Raphael staring at him intently. "Mikey's gonna be ok, isn't he?" The child's voice broke as he asked the question. There was only one answer that he wanted to hear.
"I hope so, Raphael."
"I shoulda... I shoulda..." The turtle dissolved in tears.
Master Splinter rested his paw on his son's arm. "It's ok, Raphael."
Once Leo and Don returned with a bucket of warm water, a bar of soap, and a clean rag, Splinter sent them into the other room. He knew that they were worried, but he didn't want them to see the extent of their brother's injuries.
Splinter started by washing the dried blood off of Michaelangelo so that he could get a clearer picture of his injuries. He found a welt on the back of his head which explained Michaelangelo's state of unconsciousness. Once he had cleaned the cuts and bruises, he started bandaging up the turtle. He wrapped the injured ribs securely before splinting the broken arm. Once he was satisfied that he had done all he could for Michaelangelo, he started to treat Raphael's injuries.
"I'm ok, sensei. Take care of Mikey," Raph said through gritted teeth.
"I've done what I can for your brother. Let me take care of your injuries."
Raphael sat stoically as Splinter cleaned and wrapped his injuries. His eyes never left the motionless form of his brother. He barely winced as the rat manipulated his injured ankle before bandaging it.
Once he was done taking care of his son's injuries, Splinter opened the door and let Donatello and Leonardo in. He knew that they were worried about their brothers. The rat believed that it would be better for them to see for themselves that Raphael and Michaelangelo were ok, than to just tell them.
Donatello walked over to Michaelangelo. His eyes filled with tears as he saw the number of bandages covering the smallest turtle. He grabbed his brother's uninjured hand and gave it a squeeze. "Feel better, Mikey," he whispered.
Leo stood in the doorway. He couldn't believe his eyes. His brothers looked so fragile, the white of the bandages a stark contrast to their green skin. "What happened?" He asked.
Splinter looked at his son and shook his head. As much as he wanted to know exactly what had happened, now was not the time. He tucked a blanket around Michaelangelo.
Don went to Raphael. He wrapped his arms around his brother and hugged him tightly. "Mikey's gonna be ok," he whispered.
Raph squeezed his eyes closed so that the tears that were threatening wouldn't fall. "He better be," he said in a threatening tone.
Master Splinter gave them a few more minutes before shooing Donatello and Leonardo out of the room. He explained that their brothers needed sleep to help them recover.
Don asked, " Are they gonna be ok?"
Leo snorted. "Of course they are. Master Splinter is taking care of them."
The rat had to smile at the confidence his son was showing in him and his abilities. He wished that he had that faith in his abilities. "I'm not sure, Donatello. I've done what I can. We'll just have to wait and see."
Leonardo looked at his father in shock. He believed that Master Splinter could do anything. "Sensei?"
Splinter felt badly for shattering his son's perception of him as all knowing and powerful. Their innocence had already taken a major blow today. "Your brothers have been badly injured. I've done everything I know how to do. All that we can do, is wait and see."
Donatello hugged his sensei tightly, holding on a little bit longer than usual. Leonardo hung back a second before hugging Splinter good night.
"Sleep well, my sons," the rat said.
Splinter walked back into his room. He wasn't surprised to find Raphael sleeping next to Michaelangelo; his body curled protectively around his brother. He watched them both sleep for a while. The rat didn't want to leave his sons, but he knew that he had to make sure that the lair was safe. He quickly retraced his steps to where he had found Michaelangelo and Raphael. He followed the trail that Raphael had made while trying to carry his brother. He noticed the haphazard pile of rocks under the broken storm grate. Judging from the height, he surmised that Michaelangelo must have made it. As he gazed out on the alley, he spied the carcass of a cat. He gagged at the sight; the poor animal had been tortured. He knew without a doubt that Michaelangelo had gone to help the cat. He wondered at what type of person could do such a thing. He forced his eyes to the grate. While it was damaged, the opening was barely big enough for a child to crawl through. Splinter breathed a sigh of relief, with everything else, he didn't want to worry about a bunch of humans roaming the sewers. With his fears assuaged, Splinter rushed back to the lair.
Donatello opened his eyes. Leonardo was sleeping beside him, but it just didn't feel right. He closed his eyes and tried to go back to sleep, but he couldn't. He slipped out of bed and headed for Master Splinter's room. He slid open the door wide enough to sneak through. He tiptoed to where his brothers were sleeping and lay down. Soon he had joined his brothers in dreamland.
Splinter was surprised to find Donatello sleeping next to Raphael and Michaelangelo when he returned. He contemplated carrying the turtle back to his bed, but decided to leave him alone. The turtle was probably worried about his brothers, and if he felt better sleeping along side them, the more power to him.
It was Raphael's sobs that awoke the rat several hours later. Splinter pulled the turtle into his arms, allowing the hot tears to soak into his robe. "It's ok, Raphael. It's ok."
"I shoulda protected him. I shoulda gotten there sooner. I shoulda stopped them," Raph cried.
Splinter held his son tightly. He rubbed the turtle's back in a soothing matter. "Do you want to tell me what happened?"
Raphael looked into his father's face with tear-filled eyes. Part of him wanted to share the story while another part wanted to bury it deep inside. His lower lip began to tremble again.
"You don't have to talk about it if you don't want to. It might make you feel better."
"Okay," the turtle whispered. "I followed Mikey out of the lair after lunch." Raph paused, he wasn't sure how to continue without getting Michaelangelo into trouble.
Splinter could tell that Raphael was trying to choose his words carefully. He was proud at how the turtle was trying to protect his brother even now. "It's ok. I know that Michaelangelo was feeding a cat."
Donatello opened his eyes. He could see Raph sitting in Master Splinter's lap. If he listened closely, he could hear his brother talking about what had happened. He stayed silent, wanting to know who had hurt his brothers.
The turtle looked gratefully at the rat. He hadn't wanted to spill Mikey's secret. "Mikey didn't know I was following him. I saw him go over the boundary." Raphael stopped to gauge his sensei's response. When Splinter merely nodded, Raph continued. "I heard him call for the cat, but then it was quiet. I decided to see what he was up to. I was walking along when I heard Mikey scream. I ran as fast as I could, but..." Tears filled Raphael's eyes again.
"It's ok, Raphael. You can stop now if you wish."
"When I got to the storm drain I saw the cat, Mikey's cat," the turtle swallowed a sob as he remembered the corpse. "There were these guys surrounding something. It wasn't moving, but they kept kicking it. They kept kicking it and saying that no one or nothing messes with the Purple Dragons. Then I saw what they were kicking. It was Mikey," Raphael dissolved in tears once again.
Splinter hugged his son tightly. He was horrified by what his son had witnessed. The cruelty of humans still staggered him, even though he had witnessed it for himself when Oroku Saki had murdered his beloved Master Yoshi.
Tears filled Donatello's eyes as he recounted the story. It was eight years later, and it still filled him with a mixture of horror and fear.
April sat there in shock. She couldn't imagine anyone being that cruel to a child. She looked over at Raphael and Michaelangelo, her eyes filled with compassion.
"Mikey almost died," Don's voice cracked on that statement. It still hurt to think about how close they had been to losing their brother.
"I'm so sorry, Donny."
"It's ok April. It happened a long time ago."
The red-headed woman hugged her green friend. "And now this has brought it all back."
Don nodded. "Yeah. We all had nightmares for a while after it happened. Mike had them for almost a year and still occasionally has one."
Raphael could hear Donatello telling April about what happened. It wasn't his favorite memory, and with Mikey laying there so helpless, it almost felt like he had been transported back in time. When sleep claimed him, he knew he'd be reliving that nightmare. He looked up and caught Don watching him. He gave his brother a weak smile; Don was the only one who knew about the nightmares that had tormented him.
April gazed at Don. "Was it your first contact with humans?
Leonardo entered the apartment. He had been checking to make sure that they hadn't been followed by their enemies. "All clear," he remarked. He looked over to where Raph sat by Mikey's side. "How is he?"
"He'll be ok," Donatello replied to his brother. He turned his attention back to April and her question. "Yes, well at least for them. We had watched them from storm drains, but never had any contact until that day."
Leo quickly figured out what they were discussing. He had to admit that it had almost felt a little bit like deja vu. "Outside of you and Casey and some homeless guys, there's been no one. Splinter didn't want us to expose ourselves."
April quickly realized the significance of Leonardo's statement. She looked at Raphael in a new light. Knowing his early introduction to humans, it made his apparent distrust make more sense. "That's why..." she started.
"Uh huh," the turtle nodded.
"What was he like before?"
Leo snorted. "Obnoxious, stubborn, did things his own way."
Donatello took a few moments to ponder the question. It had been a long time since he had thought back to before. It was strange how one event could have such an effect on one's life. "Even back then he was a bit of a loner. I don't know if it was a part of him, or just part of having 3 brothers, and needing space to himself. It wasn't until after Mikey... after it happened, that he started concentrating on Master Splinter's training. I think he wanted to make sure nothing like that would ever happen again. He became very protective of all of us, but especially Mikey."
The woman nodded. "What about Mikey? He seems... I mean from what happened, you'd think he'd shy away from humans, but he was the first of you to talk to me."
"Mikey doesn't remember what happened," Leonardo declared.
"Mikey remembers a lot more than you realize," Don remarked mysteriously. He avoided Leo's puzzled glance. "The changes in him are a lot more subtle. You had to know him well to notice the difference. Before, he was fearless. He'd always be the first to try something, now he tends to hold back. He gets startled easily. Other than that, he's still the same lovable goof that he was at 7 years old, always walking around with a smile on his face."
"The poor kid," empathized April.
"He's not nervous around you because he rescued you. You aren't a threat. If you've ever noticed when Casey is around, Mikey seems kinda uptight."
"And did it change you?"
Leonardo shook his head. He got up and went to the kitchen to help Splinter with the tray he was carrying, plus inform him that the coast seemed clear.
"That night changed us all. Leo became a stickler for following Splinter's rules. I almost think that in his mind, Mikey and Raph got hurt because they broke the rules."
"That's stupid. They got hurt because of some stupid cruel kids."
"Logically we know that, but to a seven year old, it made sense."
"And you? How did it effect you?"
Donatello thought for a moment. "I'm not sure. I think it's harder to judge the changes in ourselves than others. Maybe it focused me on trying to fix things, since I couldn't fix them, I really don't know. I know that there was no way that what happened didn't influence me in some way. I mean when one of your brother's almost dies, and when he does wake up and he doesn't remember you, it leaves a mark."
"I'm so sorry."
"It's not your fault April. It happened, we recovered and moved on. It's in the past."
"Urrrrrrrrgggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhh," moaned the turtle. "Anyone get the plate number on that bus?"
"Nice of you to join us," a gruff voice growled.
"Raph?" Michaelangelo queried tentatively.
"Don't ever do that again," Raphael muttered in an undertone so that only Mikey could hear him. He stood up quickly and walked to the door.
"Raph?" Mike called out after him. A hurt expression crossed his face as his brother walked out the door.
"Mikey, you're awake!" Donatello stated as he crossed the room to his brother's side.
Michaelangelo pasted a smile to his face. "Yeah. How long was I out for? Why are we at April's?"
"Just a couple of hours. How are you feeling? April's was closer than the lair. You scared us, bro," Don replied almost rapid fire.
"I'm ok," the turtle said with a smile. He pushed himself into a seated position.
"The truth," Don replied. "Remember that I'm the one who bandaged you up."
"Just a bit sore. A little bit of a headache, no biggy," Mike said.
Leo and Master Splinter joined Donatello at Michaelangelo's side.
"You ok, Mikey?" Leonardo asked.
"Just ducky," the turtle with the orange bandanna remarked.
Splinter studied his son. He could detect some pain, not physical, in Michaelangelo's eyes. He noticed that Raphael was nowhere to be seen. He had an idea why the other turtle had left. He too had felt a strong sense of deja vu when he had seen Michaelangelo lying there, unconscious.
The turtle pushed himself to his feet. Before he could take a step, a wave of dizziness overcame him. Donatello and Leonardo grabbed him before he could fall.
"Not so fast, buddy," Don remarked.
"I think you better lay back down," Leo commanded.
Donatello could see Mikey's stubborn streak start to rise. While his brother was usually laid back and relaxed, no one liked being told what to do. Michaelangelo hated it when they treated him like a little kid, and ironically usually acted the most childish at that time.
"Why don't we move Michaelangelo to the couch?" Splinter offered.
Don nodded and began to help his brother across the room.
Mikey leaned against his brother. He kept his eyes closed to keep the room from spinning. He was grateful when he sank his body into the cushions. He opened his eyes and gave Don a weak smile.
"Would you like some water?" April asked as she handed him a cup.
"Thanks April. Sorry for dropping in like this, next time we'll call ahead," the turtle said lightheartedly. At that moment his stomach decided to growl.
"I'll fix you some soup," Donatello stated. He patted Mike on the shoulder before heading to the kitchen.
Leonardo noticed that Raphael wasn't there with the rest of them. "That's just great. Mikey's hurt, and he takes off. You'd think that he'd stick around for Mikey."
Splinter rested his hand on Leo's arm. "That's enough Leonardo. Raphael will be back."
"But sensei."
"Your brother has his reasons. Let him go, this is rough on him."
"It's rough on all of us. I should go after him."
"No, Leonardo. Give Raphael the space and time he needs."
April studied Michaelangelo's face. "How are you?" She asked.
"Don told ya, eh?"
"How did you know?"
"It hurts Raph too much to talk about it, and Leo pretends that it didn't happen." The turtle shrugged his shoulders like it didn't bother him.
"How about Master Splinter?"
"I suppose he coulda told ya, but he doesn't talk about it much. It had to be Donny."
The woman nodded. "Are you okay?" Her green eyes met brown ones.
Mikey nodded his head. "Yeah, I'm fine. I don't really recall what happened back then, just little bits and pieces. It's harder for everyone else, they remember all of it."
April studied the teen. She wondered if he really didn't remember or he didn't want to remember what had happened. "I'm so sorry," she started.
"It's ok, April. It was a long time ago." His eyes pleaded with her, begging her to drop the subject.
Raphael stood outside the door. The hurt in Michaelangelo's voice tore him up inside. He knew that he could walk back in and both of them would pretend that nothing had happened. He needed air; he needed time to think. It was too much, everything had come rushing back in the moment he had seen Mikey laying there unconscious. Raph took a deep breath. He had to regain control of himself. It had been so hard to sit there watching over his brother's lifeless body. Now that Mikey was back, he could let the anger flow. He couldn't hold it back for too much longer. After one last look at the door, Raphael headed for the rooftops where hopefully he could work off his anger and frustration.
Donatello took a deep breath once he reached the kitchen. He quickly opened a can of chicken noodle soup, poured it into a saucepan, and placed it on the stove. Only when he was done, did Donatello acknowledge the tears in his eyes and pain in his heart. "Why would anyone want to hurt Mikey?" He asked himself for the millionth time. Even now eight years older and wiser, Don was no closer to an answer. He recalled the times that in anger over one prank or another that he and his brothers had threatened to kill Michaelangelo, but that was different. They had never even come close, though Raph had punched Mikey a time or two for some reason or another. The headstrong turtle had always felt badly afterwards and made up for it.
"How could someone do that to another living creature?" Don asked, seeing his brothers as they had been eight years prior. Both of them had been swathed in bandages, suffering from unimaginable pain. Mikey had looked even smaller shrouded in a sea of white. It had been difficult to watch his energetic brother lie there unconscious, hovering between life and death. Watching as Raph struggled to come to grips both with his own serious injuries, plus the fact that Mikey may not recover. He had felt so helpless. He hadn't known how to help either of his brothers at the time they needed him the most. Even now, he didn't know how to react. It was why he had retreated to the kitchen. Emotions weren't his strong suit. Give him a broken machine, and he knew what to do with it. When it was his brothers, that was outside his scope.
Splinter studied his sons. He knew that they were dealing with the events in their own ways. Michaelangelo getting knocked out tonight had unfortunately brought back some bad memories for all of them. He could feel his family coming apart instead of banding together. Leonardo, Raphael, and Donatello were each facing their memories alone, and poor Michaelangelo was left in the cold. Splinter was unsure about how much his fun loving son recalled about the original incident. He had never pressed the young turtle, preferring to let him dictate their conversations about what had happened. He had let his son know that he was there if he needed or wanted to talk, but didn't push the issue. When Michaelangelo had awakened 5 days later, he had been suffering from amnesia. The trauma to his head, plus the horror he had experienced, made the amnesia more of a blessing than a curse. The rat suspected that Michaelangelo had recovered some of his memory, but he was unsure of how much.
April saw the request written in Michaelangelo's eyes. She had a million questions that she wanted to ask, but she filed them away. The red head couldn't imagine why anyone would want to hurt the fun loving turtle. Of the four, he was definitely the easiest to get along with. He always had a smile on his face and a joke at the ready. From Donatello's remarks, it sounded like he had been much the same as a child. She didn't know what could drive someone to be so cruel to assault another child so badly, mutant turtle or not.
Splinter smiled at April. The young woman seemed to be taking the entire situation in stride. Outside of an immediate exclamation of shock, she seemed to deal with things quite well, especially for someone who's life had been thrown topsy turvey since they came into her life.
Leonardo stood at the window. To anyone studying him, it looked like he was surveying the area for enemies or for a glimpse of Raphael, the wayward brother. The truth was that he was just staring off into space. He didn't want to remember that night. It was easier not to remember besides someone had to be strong for the others. Leo was certain that everyone would be having nightmares tonight. He had to be strong to help them through the terror.
Leo knew that Raph considered his behavior cold and uncaring. It was ironic considering the fact that Raphael had run off to be alone at the first possible moment.. He couldn't blame his brother though, not really. Raph had witnessed the assault on Michaelangelo. He had had ringside seats to the brutality, even taking some licks himself. Those two had always been the closest of the brothers, and those feelings had only intensified after the incident. He didn't begrudge the closeness that Raphael and Michaelangelo shared. He only wished that he and Raph weren't always at odds.
It had started out as a normal night patrol. Master Splinter had come along because he wanted to go over a technique that couldn't be shown down in the sewers. Things had been going smoothly until the Purple Dragons had showed up. Once the gang had shown up, things went to hell quickly. The turtles had the superior skills, but the Purple Dragons had numbers on their side. Even so, the mutants made quick work of their opponents. One of the punks tried to escape and Michaelangelo took off after him. Once they had taken care of their enemies, the turtles went after their missing brother. Raphael was the first to find him. He had taken off ahead of the others, possibly because he was still looking for a good fight, or maybe because he was worried about Michaelangelo. The shock on Raph's face when he found Mike in an unconscious heap on the ground was horrifying. Once the surprise had worn off, which took mere seconds though it seemed like much longer, he threw himself at the punks who had ambushed his brother. Raphael was in a berserker rage; he wasn't going to stop fighting until he had exacted his revenge. Splinter had gone to Michaelangelo's side while Leo and Don joined Raph in the fight which was over quickly. April's home was closer than the lair, and Michaelangelo needed immediate medical attention. Raphael shouldered the burden of carrying his unconscious brother, though both Donatello and Leonardo helped.
Leonardo knew that Raphael was hurting, heck they all were. Mikey's injury was just too similar to the one from years before. They couldn't help but reflect back on how close they had been to losing Michaelangelo at that time. Leo looked over to where Mike was sitting on the couch with April. He was glad that his brother was okay. When Mikey had been lying there lifeless, he had felt like his heart was in a vise. He knew that he should go over there and talk to him, but he didn't know what to say. His conversations always ended up sounding more like lectures than chats. He caught his brother's eye and smiled.
Mikey smiled at Leonardo. He knew his family was having a hard time with this. None of them knew what to say. Words wouldn't change anything or make it better, so things were left unsaid.
"Here's your soup, Mikey," Donatello stated as he placed the bowl in front of his brother. "Dig in."
"Thanks Donny," Mike said gratefully. He knew that Donatello felt the most useful when he was actually doing something. Making the soup was his way of letting Mikey know he cared, even if he couldn't put it into words.
Splinter watched as Michaelangelo ate his soup. The turtle's color seemed to be returning, and he was acting normally. "How are you feeling, my son?"
"Ok," the orange masked turtle replied. At that moment he was overcome with a yawn.
The rat smiled as he watched his son try to cover it up. "Why don't you lie back and get some rest?"
"Nah, I'm fine. We should probably head home."
"You guys are free to stay here tonight, if you like," April offered. The story had moved her, and she still wasn't convinced that Michaelangelo was totally ok. She felt like she had to do something to prove that humans for the most part weren't as cruel and ruthless as ones they had met in the past.
Splinter nodded. "Thank you Miss O'Neill. We'll try not to be any more of an inconvenience than we already have been."
"You don't have to do this," Mikey started. He thought he could detect some pity in the woman's eyes.
"I want to do this," April said in a tone that broached no argument.
"I think you're outnumbered, bro," Don added.
Michaelangelo sighed dramatically. "Fine, but I want you guys to know that I'm doing this under protest." He made himself comfortable on the couch. Within moments he was asleep.
Leo laughed. "I guess he told us, didn't he?"
Donatello gathered up the empty soup bowl and glasses that were sitting on the table and took them back to the kitchen to wash. Leonardo followed his brother to offer his help. Splinter sat next to the couch watching his son sleep.
"He's going to be okay, isn't he?" Leo asked hesitantly.
"Sleep is probably the best thing for him. Though if he has one of those nightmares..."
"He's probably not the only one who'll have bad dreams tonight," the leader of the turtles remarked.
Donatello looked over at Leo in surprise. The blue masked turtle never spoke of what had happened in the past. He had seemed to treat the entire thing like a bad dream.
"Yeah, it's going to be a rough night. Do you still remember it? What they looked like when Splinter brought them back to the lair?"
Leonardo whispered, "Yes. I try not to, but it's always lurking in my memory."
"Same here. When we found Mikey lying there, it just brought the entire thing back. It's almost like we are seven again."
Leo nodded. He pressed his eyes closed to keep the tears that suddenly filled his eyes from falling. "I feel so helpless."
"Me too. I'm sure Raph feels it too."
"Raph doesn't do helpless very well," Leo chuckled.
"No he doesn't," Don agreed. "It almost seems like he takes it personally."
Leonardo nodded. "Hopefully he gets back soon. Mikey is going to need him once the nightmare starts."
Donatello shrugged. He believed it was the other way around; Raph was going to need Mike when the dreams came. "He'll return when he's ready."
Raphael still hadn't returned by the time April and the others went to bed. Leonardo was going to sit up and wait, but his intentions fell to the wayside when the excitement and exhaustion from the day caught up to him.
It was quiet except for the soft snores from his brothers when Michaelangelo opened his eyes. He waited until they became accustomed to the dim light before getting to his feet. He looked around quickly, but didn't see any signs that Raphael had returned. He tiptoed towards the door.
"Where are you going?" Asked a drowsy Donatello.
"I gotta find Raph, Don. I need to talk to him," Mike answered.
"Are you ok?"
"Yeah, I'm fine. The dizziness is all gone. Look I won't be gone long. I really need to talk to him."
"Can't it wait until he comes back?"
"No, it can't wait. Don, I gotta talk to him now before he locks it all up inside. If I wait, he'll just push me away when I want to talk about it."
Donatello sighed. He knew Michaelangelo had a point. "Ok, Mikey, but be careful."
"Don't worry about me Don. I'll be back," he said the last part with a Schwartzenegger accent.
Raphael took another deep breath. He should have returned long ago, but for some reason he just couldn't go back. He knew he should be there when Mikey had the nightmare, though Don, Leo, and Splinter were there if he needed them. He sat there quietly, breathing in and out. His hands went to his sais as he heard someone approach. "You need to work on your stealth, Leo. I heard you coming from a mile away," Raph said as he spun around to face his brother. His jaw dropped when it wasn't the brother he had expected. "Mikey, what are you doing out here?"
"Duh, looking for you," Michaelangelo replied.
"You should be home sleeping."
"So should you."
The brothers stood in silence on the rooftop for a moment. Raph, surprisingly, was the first to speak. "Why are you here?"
"I needed to talk to you."
"Can't it wait until morning?"
"Nope."
Raphael sat down. He heard the stubbornness in Michaelangelo's voice, and he knew his brother well enough to know that they wouldn't be moving until Mikey said what he wanted to say. "Well, spit it out then."
Michaelangelo sat down and looked down on the alley. A frisson of remembrance sparked in his memory. He shivered involuntarily.
"You ok, Mikey?" Raph asked with worry in his voice.
"Yeah, I'm fine. So this is the place?"
"No, don't you remember we were uptown."
"I don't mean tonight. This is...this is where it happened, isn't it?"
Tears filled Raphael's eyes. "Yeah," he replied huskily.
"Do you come here often?"
"Once in a while."
Mikey swallowed hard. He was being assaulted with images he had thought were long buried. "Why?"
"I don't know. I never intend to come here, but I always seem to end up in this location."
"What do you see?"
"It's an abandoned alley, Mikey. What is there to see?"
"You know what I mean. Do you relive it?"
Raph squeezed his eyes closed. "Yes," he whispered. "Every single moment, like I was living it all over again."
Michaelangelo moved to his brother's side and hugged him tightly. "I'm sorry."
"Why should you be sorry? You almost died here Mikey."
"But I didn't die. I'm right here beside you. You've got to let the past go. It's done and over with, and no matter how much we want to, we can't change what happened."
"It's not that easy, bro."
Mikey decided to change his tact. "Why won't you talk to me about it? Whenever I try to bring it up, you change the subject or walk away."
"What about Leo? He pretends it never even happened. Don and Splinter are there when you want to talk," Raphael stated.
"You're doing it again, Raph. Why do you keep pushing me away? I was here, I experienced this with you. I may not remember everything, but I know that you are the one who saved me."
The red masked turtle gave a bitter laugh. "Sure I did."
"I know you did. I remember you coming to my defense and carrying me afterward."
Raphael turned his back to his brother. Tears began streaming down his face. "I wasn't there fast enough to stop them."
"You were seven, you probably couldn't have stopped them anyway."
"You just don't get it, bro."
"Try me," pushed the turtle. "I'm not as stupid as people think."
"Never said you were stupid, Mikey."
"I know. I also know that what happened that day bothers you a lot more than me." The turtle held up his hand. "Yeah I know, I don't remember exactly what happened, and it must have been horrible to find me like that, but Raph..."
Raphael took a deep breath, trying to regain control of his emotions. "It was horrible. I was sick and scared for you, for both of us."
"We recovered."
A hollow laugh sounded from the other turtle. "Yeah sure. That's why when I found you tonight, I froze. It was just like before, I was almost too late."
Mikey shrugged. "You saved me."
"I almost didn't. I was almost too late. What if I had turned back when I was going to? What if I hadn't followed you that day? What if..." Raphael's voice trailed off.
Michaelangelo hugged his brother tightly. "You can't keep playing 'what if?' You did what you did, and I'm here alive."
"But..."
"No buts, bro. You'll drive yourself crazy if you keep focusing on what could have been. We'll never know what could have happened. It's been done and over for 8 years, Raph. You can't beat yourself up over this. You have to focus on the here and now."
It felt like a dam giving way. Raphael clung to his brother, the tears flowing down his face. For the past eight years he had been afraid to share his secret horror with anyone else.
Michaelangelo hugged Raph tightly. He had always suspected that there was something more about that incident than Raphael had revealed. He was happy to know the truth at last. Now maybe they could move forward.
Once the sobs ended, Raphael pulled out of the embrace. He wiped the tears away from his eyes with the back of his hand. "You know Leo is going to blame me for this."
"Blame you for what?" Mikey queried, confused by the sudden change in topic.
"You being out here in the middle of the night when you should be sleeping."
"Well, if we sneak back into April's before Leo notices we'll be home free. I know Don won't rat us out."
"Don knows you are here?"
"He caught me as I was sneaking out," Mike admitted. "I told him I needed to talk to you, and he let me go."
"If Leo catches us, you're the one who'd going to have to explain it to him."
Mikey shook his head in agreement. "No prob, dude."
The two turtles were quiet as they made their way back to April's. Outside the alley entrance to Second Time Around, Mikey turned to his brother. "I'm glad we talked."
"Yeah, me too Mikey," Raph agreed. For the first time in years he felt lighter, as if he had released a heavy burden tonight. "Me too."