Somewhere in Konohagakure no Sato

Gekkou Hayate looked extremely disgruntled as he eyed his new partner, the self proclaimed 'Beautiful Green Beast'. Maaah, it was only an hour after he the assignment and already Hayate could not understand him. He could understand why Kakashi-sempai had been all too willing to take the assignment, and to be packed off to a barbaric foreign country with odd customs, just to be away from the Green Evil.

Already, Gai had gotten on his nerves, attempted to convert him to the virtues of the Green spandex 'of Youth'. Frankly, Hayate wanted to curl up and die, unfortunately, despite his recurring illness, he could not even do that. His mood lightened though, when he thought of dumping Gai on his unsuspecting superior officer.

Hayate coughed, cursing the particularly nasty Jutsu that the goddamned Mist-nins had done on him a year ago. Once again, he wondered if that asshole who did this to him was still alive. He would give much to go back in time and rip out that bastard's arms.

His thoughts returned to hid beloved girlfriend. Would she miss him while he was far away, stuck in the middle of nowhere with Gai, of all people. Why couldn't it have been Jiraiya sama? Anyone would do, except for Gai, even Orochimaru. At least Orochimaru killed you quickly instead of yapping on you ABOUT SPANDEX. This was torture of the highest and most horrible kind. He could only wonder why Morino Ibiki hadn't recruited Gai yet.

Oh wait, he knew why. Oh yes, it was because Gai would no doubt torture even Morino Ibiki with spandex and the 'flames of youth' speech. And the manly hug, which was what Gai was doing RIGHT NOW.

"GAI!" (Hack, cough)

"MY FRIEND!" (glomp) "It is good to be joining you on this mission to met our friend Kakashi! I hope you have been getting better from your illness! Have you recovered the burning flames of Youth? LET IT SHINE THROUGH YOU!"

"Gack, splutter" Hayate turned blue and struggled vainly in the Green Beast's clutches. Trying to get air to breathe and failing miserably, he managed to wheeze out that surely, they had to go RIGHT NOW! In order to meet Kakashi-sempai as EARLY AS POSSIBLE!

Gai looked sort of disappointed but recovered quickly and proceeded to give him what Hayate has dubbed 'Shiny evil grin number 5' and the 'thumbs up sign of ultimate doom'.

Hayate blanched and began coughing. Gai whacked him on the back and sent the Jounin to meet the floor.

This was going to be a long trip.

Great Hall, Hogwarts

Kakashi was startled out of his wits when a horribly familiar voice boomed from behind him, a chill of ultimate horror as his hair stood on end and his hackles rose. Not that it was very visible, because his hair was always standing up anyway.

And then an equally horribly familiar hand rested on his shoulder. Not taking any chances, he turned and socked the thing in the face. Could it be a Henge? A HORRIBLE APPARITON FROM THE DEPTHS OF HELL?

The thing was still there, sprawled for barely a few moments with typical Gai enthusiasm and bounced disturbingly toward him.

"MY ETERNAL RIVAL!" It said, giving him an all too familiar shiny grin and a thumbs up.

DAMN THAT THUMBS UP! WOULD IT NEVER STOP?

He thought he'd escaped it by leaving Gai in Konoha!

There was a sound of coughing to side and Kakashi dodged Gai's hug and turned to the special Jounin, ignoring the series of squawks and thumps as the unfortunate Green Beast fell to the ground and fell down the stairs to the dungeon.

Abruptly, there was a familiar, horrible anguished scream and Gai's happy voice.

"MY FRIEND! IT IS SO GOOD TO SEE YOU! ARE YOU IN YOUR SPRINGTIME OF YOUTH? "

…And, as Kakashi turned to the stairs, Severus Snape breezed past him like a Bat out of HELL, on a MISSION.

To Dumbledore's office.

Kakashi repressed a terribly juvenile and inappropriate snigger as he watched Gai chase after the potions master's rapidly retreating back.

Hayate looked relieved to be away from Gai. Kakashi didn't blame him. The 'beautiful green beast' got on almost everyone's nerves one way or the other.

Hayate simply took out a scroll, in between coughs, and handed it to Kakashi.

Taking the (possibly infected?) scroll gingerly, Kakashi rolled it open and proceeded to read his extended orders.

Kakashi,

I hope Gai and Hayate got there on time. If not, well, we all know who's fault it is. Say hello to Hayate for me, Tsunade's looking for her patient, and she asks me to remind you to tell Hayate that he owes her money for the medicine, again.

Konoha is doing well. Your mission will end by the end of the school year. As per instructions, Konoha will not be present during the Triwizard Tournament, as it is felt that our techniques might be considered cheating.

I hear you have taken the boy under your wing. That is good, very good. He needs to survive. This is priority one, and as we all know (and have seen) you are the ultimate survivor.

Try to keep him out of trouble while you still can. Come Fifth year, another guard will take your place.

Sarutobi

Kakashi nodded, rolled the scroll back up and asked Hayate how long he was going to stay.

Hayate said mildly, in between coughs, that he would be staying for a week. Gai, he added with a malevolent gleam in his tired eyes, would stay much longer.