Author Note: WOW! I had no idea my boredom could provide such great entertainment! Thanks again for all your brilliant reviews, and don't worry there's at least another 2 chapters after this for you to laugh yourself silly about.
Now before I go on, I'de just like to say a big thanks to Mayuko-Chan for suggesting that I could use your random fruit basket stories in here. Although I have tweeked and altered them so that they fit in with Doctor Who, I take no credit for them what-so-ever and all credit goes to you - their rightful author. One story has been added at the end of this chapter, another in chapter 5 I believe...or perhaps it was chapter 4...I forget.
Anyways, thanks for the ideas...any more (from anyone) would be gladly appreciated and I hope you all enjoy this chapter!
oOo
"So Jack. Before you became a Time Agent, what job did you do?" The Doctor asked curiously.
"Well, I had quite a few jobs, but none of them really worked out. I was a long distance lorry driver on the Isle of White...I was a plumber for 146 years, but that's just an estimate...and I was a tour guide in the Vatican City. One day I was showing these tourists round the Vatican, telling them about the Pope, and he comes round the corner, so I go 'Oh, speak of the Devil'..."
"Why did I ask?" the Doctor muttered to himself.
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The Doctor happened to be passing the bathroom again one morning when he heard Jack singing in the shower this time.
Evon Goolegong, what a lovely name
Evon Goolegong, what a lovely name
Evon Goolegong, what a lovely name
Better than Bjorn Borg.
The Doctor raised his eyebrows in disbelief.
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"Rose, you've got a famous Grandad, haven't you," The Doctor asked her one day.
"Yeah. He was an Elvis impersonator...mind you, there wasn't much call for that in 1938...but he was famous for shooting down two German Planes...that was in 1954 aswell."
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The Doctor had taken Jack and Rose to the cinema one day, and now he and Rose were arguing over the arm-rests.
"Is that yours?" Rose pointed to the one between them.
"Yeah. Jack's got my other one, so that's mine."
"But if thats your's, that fat bloke's got mine!" Rose whined, but the Doctor just shrugged as the lights dimmed and the film began. So for an hour and a half, Rose had to sit with her arms clamped down by her sides until the fat bloke scratched his ear, then she quickly nicked it off him.
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"Doctor, can I have a skateboard?" Rose asked one day, completely out of the blue.
"No Rose, they're far too dangerous. You'll hurt yourself," The Doctor replied, and when he saw Rose stick out her bottom lip and sulk, he sighed. "Wait until your older. You can have one when your older."
So a year later, Rose approached him again, and asked "Can I have a skateboard?"
The Doctor's reply was the same as last time.
So she waited another whole year, then asked again, and again, his answer was the same.
This went on for about six years - always the same answer from the Doctor.
So when she was 25, Rose went to B + Q and bought herself a bit of wood 18 inches long, and 6 inches wide. She screwed some wheels onto the bottom, then went to the Doctor and bashed him over the head with it.
"You're right. They are dangerous, aren't they," she said.
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"Doctor, what is love?" Jack asked one day, as the Doctor was again under the floor of the TARDIS, tinkering about.
"Well, it's big and round and green. When you cut it in half, its red in the middle and juicy and sweet," the Doctor replied, and Jack was fascinated.
"So is that what love is?"
"Oh, I'm sorry Jack. I thought you said a melon."
(Well he is over 900 years old. What do you expect!)
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Rose came back from the pet shop one day, after the Doctor had finally allowed her to buy a pet.
'But nothing big...just something little and easy to keep,' he had said, so Rose had bought two goldfish. After all, the Doctor couldn't complain about the goldfish. They didn't wander off, they didn't make a mess, and they looked cute.
As predicted, the Doctor was very happy with Rose's choice of pets, and he set them up a little tank in the Control Room.
"So what are you going to call them?" he asked her as they sat watching the fish explore their new home.
"One and Two," she replied.
"Why?" the Doctor asked, bewildered.
"Well that way, if One dies, I still have Two."
oOo
"And that's it for today's episode of Fashion Fun with Jack Harkness. I will now take any calls that my listeners may have!" said Jack into the microphone on his headset. He was proud to be the hostess of his own radio show inside the TARDIS, and it happened to be one that got excellent ratings - mainly because there were only three people on board the ship, including him, and he made sure to leave every available radio on his station whenever he could, so there was no escaping him.
He waited eagerly to hear what his adoring fans had to say about him.
"Rose Tyler," a female voice said from one of his machines, putting the call through to him.
"Hi, Rose! What do you want to talk about?" Jack asked, in his usual flirty voice.
"I am exponentially outraged by what you proclaimed in today's episode," came Rose's voice over the phone.
This was something Jack had never heard before. "What are you so upset about?" he asked.
"You made the statement that a black shirt under a white jacket is aesthetically pleasing to behold. I must give my most sincere objections to this comment. The black would overpower the white and give the impression of trying to give an impression. One must wear a white shirt under the black jacket so that it is not a harsh but rather a proud proclaimation of one's individuality!'
"Umm… sure," Jack replied, feeling frazzled.
"Now, I would also like to point out that your hair looks rather large today," Rose added.
"But… how do you know that? You can't see me."
"Look behind you!"
Jack turned around slowly. All he saw was a white wall.
"Made you look!" laughed Rose, then hung up.
Author Note: Oh and if any of you have read 'Jedi Worstcase Scenario: What NOT to do!' by scrb3331 then you'll know that she has begun including us guys into her story as characters (I am in chapter 9, I believe). I found this idea quite fun and want to try in out in a Doctor Who style, so perhaps if you'de like to become a Doctor Who star, let me know and I might be able to fit you in here somewhere...or even in another random story that I may right (depending on reviews and what spare time I have). It's up to you...Good idea? Bad idea? Let me know! Thanks!