OMG!
I'm so sorry!
I really got into the D&D game I was playing and totally forgot about anything and everything else!
To be fair, I set a room on fire and nearly killed myself and another player. And then a dragon happened.
Intense, right?
Anyway, chapter.
Lots of Love!
-Dark-
"Dude!" Roy greets with a wide grin, "Sup?" He asks as he rushes him into the room.
He takes a deep breath before he lets it out slowly.
A lot.
The letters from the Isle.
Uma's letter was, well, he wasn't that sure. He hadn't had many run-ins with the Wharf Rats captain since the gangs stopped kidnapping each other.
He vaguely remembered a time last year where Gil had taken him to her when he was spaz-
No not spazzing, panicking.
Gil brought him to the ship when he'd had a panic attack at the cove. After Gil had knocked out T because Senior had collected Deez.
Not that he knew what to call it back then. But from what he did remember, she'd been… Surprisingly nice, especially for being Mal's biggest rival.
But her letter had definitely been informative, if not bold and bordering on demanding.
Then there was Harry's. He'd spent more time with the pirate than he'd ever admit to Mal.
His letter had been so painfully him.
Extra. Flamboyant. And just so Harry.
He'd done his best not to smile. The last thing he wanted was for Mal to see it and interrogate him.
And Gil's letter- That one had just made him happy.
He missed the gentle giant something fierce.
It was almost laughable now. His terror of the bulky teen seemed like a lifetime ago. And in a way, it kinda was. So much had happened since then. Since their lives had been completely ripped out from under them.
Not that he was complaining, not by a long shot.
It was just… Painful.
A painful reminder of what he lost, even though he'd gained so much.
He couldn't help but feel torn between guilt and gratitude.
It was weird.
Gil's shout-out to him was his favorite part out of all of them, though. Knowing that he wasn't mad at him. That he missed him too. It had him almost bursting with happiness.
Well, happiness and relief. He'd been so scared he'd lost Book Club, lost the relationship they'd built.
Deez's letter had brought more relief. To know things were alright with her, from her own handwriting.
It wasn't that he had doubted the others, but… It was nice to hear in her own words that she was okay. That she was with her family. Where she probably would've been since the beginning if she hadn't made friends with them.
He missed her.
Her companionship. Their meetings with Yensid. Their quiet conversations. The way she always respected him. Listened to him even when she didn't fully grasp the concept. Her patience. How she just seemed to get him.
He bites his lip. Then there was Faustina's…
He still wasn't sure what to do with those letters, so at odds with T's it was confusing.
Surreal even.
And T's letter, all on its own, was definitely something that was bothering him for conflicting reasons.
It had been hilariously T. Reading it, he'd even heard it in T's voice.
But then again, ugh, it had also been very T.
Seriously, only T would dare to blatantly call the King of all of Auradon out like that.
Not that he could completely fault T.
Hadn't they all had problems facing the King?
He shakes his head.
Still… One thing the letters from Faustina really him questioning; had he met her before?
There was a part of him, a small one, sure, but still a part that was pretty sure he had. Which was just- Weird?
And still, what could he actually do to figure any of it out right now?
Nothing.
He sighs before he shrugs and looks up, "Nothing I can't ignore while we get some hours in on COD."
There were so many things that were great at helping him ignore things.
Crown of Duty with Roy.
Noodles with Hiro and a few hours of working together to build the phones.
All great things to help keep his mind from over-processing the letters.
Not that his entire evening with Hiro had been avoiding his thoughts.
He was glad Hiro found him on the grounds. Was happy to have a distraction like learning how to use chopsticks to eat noodles, which was so much harder than it looked.
But in the end, what Hiro had really given him was time to think.
And then an ear to listen.
It was-
Talking with Hiro was like talking to Deez, T, and Gil.
They were the only ones he'd ever had those really thoughtful conversations with— the kind of conversation that was almost like working things out for yourself while trying to explain it.
Hiro sat there.
Quietly.
Listening like everything he'd said was fascinating, but not like, disturbingly fascinating.
And sure, there'd been a few questions, but most of it had just been him trying to figure out how he felt about the letters.
Trying to figure out what it all meant, big picture.
Letters were still getting off the Isle.
Deez was okay, or okay enough after being left behind.
And T.
He'd gotten to see T during the video chat. But at the time, he'd been overwhelmed.
The people on the screen weren't his mother.
Jay admitted that something was going on. And then begged to please just roll with it until he could explain it better.
T and Harry with Senior.
Yeah, that conversation had been overwhelming, to say the very least.
And Jay hadn't really been able to explain that one.
Why Senior was there.
Why they were at his temple.
Why it seemed like T and he had some type of weird- Friendship? Maybe?
Mal's eye roll and waved-off explanation that T just liked fucking around with the OVs wasn't that helpful either.
Who could be friends with that guy?
He sighs.
T.
T could-
Well, maybe not be friends with anyone. That might be pushing it too far.
But T did like challenges.
And everything about dealing with Senior seemed like a challenge.
Or maybe he was just trying to figure out how to get some kind of justice for Deez?
Maybe.
The long game wasn't really T's style, but what other kind of game could you play with a god of death?
A sword and dagger fight wouldn't get him anywhere against Senior.
And T didn't have the skills to manipulate, well, anyone.
So… Ugh.
He presses his fingers to the sides of his head.
He was starting to understand why Mal got T-related headaches.
"One oh' One?" Roy's concerned tone has him shaking his head.
Right. He was at-
He blinks as he looks up, "Yeah, sorry, COD?" He snaps his fingers before he races to the couch.
"Kay…" Roy breathes out before he plops on the couch next to him a moment later.
They both groan when a message pops up saying a new update needed to patch.
"Fucking lame." Roy's head drops to the back of the couch for a moment before he picks it up and turns to him. "So… Like, wanna talk about it?"
Did he?
He purses his lip.
"We um, well, Ben." He nods before he turns to face Roy, mind made up, "Ben got a few more letters from the Isle."
"Fucking dope," Roy grins as he turns to him, resting his arm over the back of the couch before his eyes sweep over him, "It was fucking dope, right?" He asks in confusion. "I know you've been worried 'bout them…"
He can't help the small smile. "Yeah, it was pretty dope. It was nice to hear from Deez, know that she ain't mad at us or anything. And it was pretty cool of the rest of the Rats to write to the king about her too."
"But-" Roy tilts his head to the side.
"There were letters from-" He blinks.
Did Roy know about T and Faustina?
Roy narrows his eyes as he carefully looks him over. "This seems like a burgers kinda conversation. And maybe green, for me anyway."
It hadn't been that long since he'd eaten with Hiro, but he loved the fact they could get food whenever they wanted.
Whenever.
Day or night.
Like food was in so much abundance in Auradon you could find it anywhere.
Anywhere, and have it delivered to you.
His lip twitches in a smile, like T and Deez used to do for him.
His eyes narrow thoughtfully.
Did Uma know? That they'd brought her food to him and Evie.
He hadn't been willing to look a gift goblin in the mouth at the time, but now? Especially after getting those letters, he wanted to know.
Mal would've flipped if she found out one of them gave the 'enemy' her art.
Wasn't that kind of the same thing?
Mal hated when T did anything 'good' for others. Hated when Deez did it too.
Though now that they were here and Mal could open up more… Had she just been jealous?
"I do love burgers." He admits when he realizes Roy was staring at him, expecting an answer.
"Perfect. I got a place. Same as last time?" Roy asks as he stands from the couch while tapping on his phone.
"Uh, yeah. But can I have extra pickles? Those were awesome."
"'Course." Roy nods before he disappears behind the couch and starts placing the order.
He leans back into the couch, watching the bar on the Tv screen as it slowly filled.
Eight percent.
A few heartbeats.
Nine percent.
It must be a whole new update.
New skins or maps, a rewrite of rules, or something just as big.
This was going to take a while.
His nose crinkles when he smells Roy lighting up. The pungent scent was something between a metallic tang and an earthy musk.
It was strange but not entirely unpleasant.
Actually, it smelled a little familiar.
His eyes narrow.
Like-
His head tilts.
Like he'd smelled it before.
Not as pungent though.
He closes his eyes.
It had always been a lighter scent.
An undertone of something else.
His brow furrows as the image of T tugging up the back of his hoodie flashes in his mind.
T?
He slowly opens his eyes, but he can't shake the frown.
What had tugged his memory?
Tugged further at his memory?
T had been so patient that day.
Which wouldn't have been so out of the ordinary if he hadn't shown him the scars on his back.
T would never do that.
T hated anyone knowing anything about him.
And yet-
He takes a deep breath.
Something was just out of reach, like it was dancing on his subconscious or something.
Something about T. Or maybe-
Faustina?
T.
Faustina.
Oh.
Oh!
How had he forgo- A lot of things. That's how.
So many, many, overwhelming things.
He opens a search app and types in Split Personality Disorder.
He felt like an idiot for forgetting about this.
Well, he had promised Mal and Jay he wouldn't look it up on his own, and he'd been so busy with David before the ceremony that he hadn't been able to talk about it then either.
But running away from an OV and being afraid that at any moment they'd be caught and dumped back on the Isle only served to make him more determined to learn everything he could about what T was going through.
If he ever got sent back to the Isle, it would not be empty-handed.
He blinks at the sheer amount of return hits.
How was he supposed to know what was good information and what wasn't?
His brow furrows as he starts at the top.
Wand-o-Pedia was pretty reliable.
He clicks on the link and starts reading with one hand while he clumsily shoves his headset back on his head with the other.
Split personality disorder, or dissociative identity disorder, presents with the maintenance of at least two distinct and relatively enduring personality states.
So T and Faustina.
The disorder is often accompanied by memory gaps-
How many times had the two gangs and Deez gotten into it with each other because T dipped for weeks or because T was supposed to be searching for Deez while they played hide and go seek but forgot?
-PTSD-
He knew that one. David believed he also had PTSD.
And from what he'd learned, he could see T having it.
His eyes narrow as he absently searches the table for his controller.
Actually, now that he thought about it, most VKs that he knew probably had PTSD.
He scans over the other associated conditions.
Depression. Eating disorders. OCD. Sleep disorders. Conversion disorders.
He wasn't sure about depression. T was pretty easy going, but- that could hide something like depression, couldn't it?
T always forgot to eat unless someone pressured him.
OCD? He was pretty sure T didn't have that one.
Check T never sleeping.
Conversion disorder?
He'd have to look that one up later.
This already seemed overwhelming. How the hell was T dealing with this on the Isle?
He frowns.
Because on the Isle, you deal or die.
That was just how it had always been.
He takes a deep breath and shakes his head to clear the dark thought before he continues reading.
The disorder is associated with overwhelming traumas, in most cases trauma associated with abuse during childhood.
Frollo.
He blinks before he opens another search.
What had Frollo done to T… Faustina…
This was still strange to wrap his mind around.
T was the protective one, the one who protected Faustina.
Faustina is a girl.
And while T was obviously a boy, he was in a girl's body when he was out.
He blinks as his search pulls up an encrypted site.
Another app and he's easily able to bypass the security and access the site.
A picture of Frollo, a huge cathedral, some woman who could be T's mother-
His eye twitches.
Esmerelda.
The Esmerelda that stood up for them at Family Week?
He hadn't really paid much attention at the time. He'd been too worried about the trouble Hiro was getting into, but now?
Seriously, she could have been T and Faustina's mom.
Except she was here.
And she was the hero to Frollo's villainy.
Esmerelda had been captured by the church, led by Frollo, arrested for witchcraft, among many other crimes.
But Frollo offered her a chance to escape her fate with the-
His nose scrunches.
People burned people alive? Tied to stakes?
That was a belief thing?
He shakes his head.
Frollo apparently was infatuated with the Gypsy woman and offered her life if she would stay with him.
She refused, apparently.
But, if Esmerelda was on this side of the barrier, then how would-
And she'd refused him, so that didn't even make sense.
But there was no denying that T and Faustina were the spitting image of-
"One o' One? What are you-" Roy asks before his phone buzzes. "Hold that thought. Food's here, and god forbid they come up. Wanna come with?"
T and Faustina had been the spitting image.
Red roots.
T had red roots.
During the video chat he'd been drawn to the fact that all of T's hair was now the same red.
"Kay…" Roy frowns, "Don't like ditch on me. I'mma take Dude."
He blinks as he looks up, shivering from the cold that had suddenly settled in the room. "T's hair was dyed."
And he was pale now, nothing like Esmerelda's deep tan.
Roy's eyebrow ring lifts with his confusion. "And…That's odd for a VK? Cause I don't think white, blue, and purple are natural..."
"So was his skin. His hair and skin were dyed. But he used to make fun of us for dying our hair. He said we'd never catch him doing that shit. Like he didn't know."
His fingers were numb, as numb as his feet.
Something…
There was something…
Something he could know if he wanted to, all he had to do was reach out-
Roy's eyes narrow. "Huh."
He frowns when his phone vanishes from his tight grip to be slid into Roy's pocket. "Come on, One o' One, burgers are here."
He blinks.
Childhood abuse.
Esmerelda.
Dye.
Abuse.
Frollo.
He slaps a hand to his mouth.
"No."
Faustina needed a protector.
Harry's face when he and Jay were talking about what happened to T.
Harry killing Frollo.
Esmerelda refused him!
Would rather be burned at the stake than choose Frollo.
But Faustina…
Faustina never had a choice.
"One o' One?" Roy frowns.
"Abuse in childhood. Dye. Esmerelda."
"Shit," Roy's eyes widen, "The fuck were you lookin' up, One o' One?"
"I, I remembered that I never looked it up. What T was dealing with. But after everything- I just-"
Why was it so cold?
He hugs himself and rubs his arms.
He was so cold.
Why was he cold?
Roy grimaces. "New plan. Fuck the food. Let's go find David."
He reaches into his pocket but frowns when he doesn't find his phone. "I, I think I lost my phone."
"Sure did." Roy clicks his tongue. "No worries. You'll get a new one. A better one." He digs his camo-cased phone out of his pocket. "This one."
He frowns as he stands up, teetering before he falls back to the couch.
"Shit," Roy frowns. "OR David can come here. No big." He shrugs before he takes the blankets from the back of the couch and wraps him tightly in all of them. "Stay."
He nods.
"Good." Roy nods curtly. "I'mma be right over there if you need me. Seriously, right there."
All those times T showed up to save him.
All the times T had helped him after his mother dragged and beat him around the house.
The scars-
T had shown him the scars on his back.
Tit for tat, T said.
It's not fair that I see yours and you don't see mine.
Neither of them really asked questions.
No one ever really asked questions on the Isle.
Should he have asked questions?
T and questions didn't mix very well.
It was something he'd learned in the beginning of their relationship.
Early on, any time he asked any kind of question, T would up and leave.
No comment, no expression, just a silent bowing out.
After a few years he eventually worked up the courage to ask questions again, and even though T didn't just get up and leave, there was always the fear that asking a question could drive T away.
So he got in the habit of not asking T personal questions.
He got really good at just listening.
But what kind of friend just didn't ask if their friend was okay.
They both had scars on their backs.
Scars received in different ways.
Why had he never asked T if he was okay?
Why had he never tried to convince T to stay the night in his room?
In the hangout?
At the beach or cove?
Why had he trusted that T never needed help?
Why had he let himself believe that anyone on the Isle was above the shit that happened there?
T.
Faustina.
He closes his eyes as Jay's near-panicked voice called T out on not being able to break out of holds.
Conditioned, David called it.
Why had it taken him so long to actually figure this out?
Deez freaking out when she learned what was weighing on T.
Other people's baggage rarely phased Deez. Certainly never enough for her to not accept a book to help her better understand.
How?
How had he ignored this?
Why had he pretended that nothing was wrong?
"Fucking wonderful." Roy groans in the distance, "Couldn't have led with that?"
"What kind of friend am I?" He whispers before he loses a battle he wasn't even aware he'd been fighting.
He bends forward, bracing his palms against his eyes as a sob rips from his throat.
They'd left T and Faustina behind in the middle of them learning how to deal with this.
"C?" Roy whispers softly before he feels the world shift around him. "David's on his way, kay?"
The blankets on his back shift and move rhythmically, and part of his brain could tell Roy was doing something, but the majority of his thoughts were stuck in a strange loop.
Strange because he could tell he was in it, but even knowing he was stuck wasn't helping him break out of it.
"Dude. One o' One. Come on, man, talk to me."
"I- I never put it together."
"Did h-they want you too?"
He swallows, "But I had the right pieces, and I had enough."
"Could you do anything even if you'd known?"
"Did I not want to know?"
"Does anybody want to know that shit about a friend?"
"He was always there for me…"
"And you were there for him too, right? Just not in the same way."
He shakes his head as another sob rips from his throat.
"Shit," Roy sighs. "No, c'mon man. You need ta take deeper breaths and shit."
"Sorry." He squeezes his eyes shut.
He just wanted to go to sleep.
He felt like he was drowning in his overwhelming thoughts.
He ignored it, focused on himself and his own problems.
He left T when T was going through one of the worst things he could imagine.
No wonder Jay and Mal kept him and Evie out of this.
He was a bad friend.
They wanted to protect them.
What could they even do?
Nothing.
Just like he'd done for T since they'd met.
"Dude. Bro." Roy begs with an edge of desperation. "Talk to me. Please?"
Roy.
He takes a breath, fighting another deep aching sob as he tilts his head to look up.
His fingers were tangled in his hair.
And he was losing another battle.
He jumps up from the couch, pushing off Roy's chest.
"Oomph. Dude, seriously, I'm two seconds away from wrappin' ya back in the-"
He barely makes it to the trash can before he loses the lunch he had with Hiro.
"Fuck." Roy rubs his back again.
"Sorry-" He gags before his stomach churns, forcing his head back over the can.
"Jesus, man, don't apologize. I was the one not paying attention."
"Not. Fault." He immediately regrets shaking his head, "Mine."
"Yes. Fault. Mine." Roy frowns. "You were making weird faces. Which, noted by the way."
Roy was a good friend.
T was a good friend.
But him?
Another churn interrupts his thoughts, his demanding stomach intent on completely emptying itself as a throbbing pulse starts building behind his eyes.
"Bro…" Roy murmurs as he feels him rubbing circles on his back.
His chest hurt.
Lungs?
His eyes, nose, and throat burned.
His stomach ached.
It was as if he was suddenly aware of every part of himself.
And every part hurt.
"Shit, I'm a fucking asshole. I'm sorry man…" Roy's voice cracks as he finds himself being pulled to Roy's side.
How?
How was Roy an asshole?
He shakes his head.
Roy wasn't an asshole.
He hadn't done anything wrong.
But he couldn't make his throat work enough to argue.
He barely registers a soft knocking sound.
"Oh, thank fucking god." Roy breathes out before he finds himself on the couch with a trash can in front of him. "Stay." He orders softly.
Like he could move.
Other than to collapse to the side, letting his head fall to the cushion Dude used as a bed.
Even in the middle of this, whatever this was, he could still smell his furry friend.
Grass.
The soft, sweet-smelling shampoo Evie made him use to keep Dude clean.
Jerky.
He closes his eyes for a moment, breathing in the familiar smells until he feels someone bump against the couch.
"Iki bruh," David greets gently as he quietly sits in front of him.
He swallows as he rubs his knuckles roughly across his face.
"Bruh," David sighs sadly, "Wanna tell me what's goin' on?"
How?
How was he supposed to explain to David that he was such a bad friend?
T and Faustina were stuck on the Isle, and he was here.
Here, with David and Roy.
With Hiro and Lilo.
With people who cared about him.
And the others?
The others were stuck.
The rest of the people he cared about had to fend for themselves.
He'd been so stupid.
So fucking stupid.
Blind.
Selfish.
He'd let Jay and Mal shoulder this all alone, even after finding out something was wrong.
He knew there was more, but he never did more than ask if everything was okay.
"Fair," David nods.
He's picked up before he feels David sit next to him and an arm wrap around his shoulder.
David squeezes him softly to his side, "You don't have ta talk iki brah, but I need ya to breath."
He blinks when he realizes the room was still spinning from being moved.
"In." David takes a deep breath, "Out." He exhales slowly. "Can you do that for me?"
He nods as he wipes a hand across his eyes before he takes a slow, deep breath, ignoring the hitches.
"That's right, Iki bruh. Just like that…" David nods approvingly as he continues to demonstrate how he wanted him to breathe.
It was much easier to follow David's voice than it was his thoughts.
In.
Breath in.
Out.
Breath out.
So much easier to allow his whole world to shrink.
David's voice.
Calm voice.
And orders.
But like, nice orders.
He vaguely hears the door open before it clicks shut.
"You're doing great, bruh."
After a few deep breaths the room finally stills.
He leans more into David, shifting just enough so he could search for his phone.
He still wasn't sure he could speak, but he could show David what he was looking up.
He bites his lip when he remembers Jay telling him he needed to be with David when he looked up-
When he looked up split personalities.
His stomach turns at the smell of food, but before he can do more than dry heave, Dude jumps on his lap and Roy sits across from him on the coffee table, eyeing him in concern.
"Thank fucking god. You're breathing." Roy sighs in relief before he bites his lip in indecision.
"Do you want Roy to stay?" David asks quietly.
He looks up at Roy.
He slowly nods.
If Roy wanted to stay, it was the least he could do.
Roy sighs in relief, relaxing slightly before he slides off the table to sit on the other side of him, leaving a row of bottled waters in his wake.
He swallows a mouthful of hot spit before he leans forward to take one.
He'd thrown up enough to know he needed to start sipping water now, or it was just going to get worse.
David and Roy watch in silence.
After a long moment, Roy shifts and lays his phone on top of Dude. "You were lookin' for this when I came in, right?"
He nods as he carefully picks it up, unlocking it before he passes it to David.
"I- I should-" He takes a deep breath, "Jay told me to wait. To talk to you first."
Instead, he'd freaked Roy out.
Like an idiot.
Like a stupid, selfish idiot.
All because he didn't listen.
Just like his mom always warned him.
At least she'd been wrong about the pack of dogs.
David glances down at the phone before he nods. "Ah." He takes a deep breath before he looks around and gets up, returning a moment later to place a blanket around him. "Want to talk about it?" He asks as he settles on the table where Roy had been sitting.
T hated when people talked about him.
But T wasn't here.
He was stuck behind the barrier dealing with having a split personality.
Because they'd left him.
Left T.
Left Deez.
Left Faustina.
Left Gil.
Harry.
Uma.
Dizzy.
Freddie.
Cici.
Mimi.
He closes his eyes.
Left so many.
"Hey," David frowns as he squeezes his knee. "Ya gotta breath, bruh. In, and out." He breathes and demonstrates encouragingly.
As if entranced, he follows the simple commands.
David nods in approval, Roy joining him as he keeps the pattern for several long moments.
"I, I didn't-" He closes his eyes, "I forgot to look it up. T's one of my best friends, and I forgot to look up. He's stuck and doesn't know- and I could have, but I didn't-"
Selfish.
"Bruh," David whispers, "A lot has happened in the last few weeks. No one's perfect. I know it doesn't feel great, but it's understandable that you didn't remember."
"And, and even knowing." He hiccups, "Even knowing, I can't. Nothing." He looks down at the water bottle in his hands, "I'm here." His lip trembles before he bites it.
David nods slowly, "It's okay to be upset. I don't know them like you do, but I am too. It's not fair. Not fair, and very frustrating. Devastating. I know it isn't easy. Being powerless to help. It hurts. And on a level, a much lower level, I understand. It's an awful feeling."
He nods slowly before he takes another sip of water.
It wasn't fair.
It wasn't fair that he was here and they weren't.
It wasn't fair.
It had been one thing to be on the Isle, to know nothing except the Isle and stories.
Life off the Isle had been a dream.
But now that he was here.
A chill runs down his spine.
Now that he knew what this was like?
Really like?
Knew what the others were missing.
Knew that, even if they did get the others off the Isle, it would take forever.
Too long.
It wasn't good enough.
And he didn't deserve to be here.
Not if he couldn't even think about his friends.
He had so much.
So much more than he'd ever had before.
Access to the internet.
A chemistry lab.
Books.
His phone.
Help.
A real education.
So much more than he ever had before-
And he couldn't be bothered to use all that, all that privilege, to help his friend out.
He takes another deep breath.
Another sip of water.
"I feel so… So guilty." He whispers, unable to look up from the mouth of the water bottle in his hand.
"Guilt is a complex feeling. It can stem from a lot of different factors, especially in this situation. It would help me understand more to know why you feel it."
"I have so much. Everything." He shakes his head, "Things I never thought I'd have. People I-" He closes his eyes, "But they don't."
"Ah." David breathes out before he tilts his head, "Did you choose to come here?"
"No."
"Did you choose to leave them?"
His eyes water as he shakes his head.
"Were you scared to leave?"
"I'm always scared." He points out with a frown.
David's lips twitch slightly, "Fair." He nods. "Did you know about T before you left?"
"I knew something was wrong."
"What did you know?"
"I," He blinks, "I knew T was acting weird. And that even Mal was like, worried about him. And Jay. And Gil."
David nods, "Did they know why he was acting weird?"
"I don't know." He sighs.
"Fair," David runs a hand through his hair, "What do you think, though?"
"Only Deez knew about the split personality thing before we left, but she was at the temple. And then everything just happened so fast." He shakes his head as he rubs the back of his neck, "One night it was a Howler, and the next we were in a big car with candy and leaving the Isle."
"Do you think Deez was overwhelmed with the knowledge?"
"Yeah. She never asks for help, but she asked Jay." He sighs, "Just, like in a totally Deez and not Jay way."
"Did Jay know she'd asked him for help while you were still on the Isle?"
He shakes his head, "No, we all found her letters here."
"If you were still on the Isle without the resources you have here, would Jay have turned to you for help to figure out how to help?"
He opens his mouth but pauses.
Jay took his job as second seriously, even more seriously on the Isle.
If he'd found that letter on the Isle-
No one else would have found out.
Jay would have snuck off, maybe with Deez, to go talk to T.
At best, they would have tried to convince T to go talk to Yensid.
Or Deez might have.
Or not. She'd been avoiding Yensid. And Jay didn't exactly trust the hero either.
So, what would have happened?
He blinks.
He had no idea what would have happened.
At least T was with the Rats and Deez this way.
And he knew that family would help T in every way they could.
It still hurt.
He still felt like an idiot for not thinking about this sooner.
"I- I don't know." He admits as he squeezes his eyes shut.
But, he could admit that he wasn't sure it would have been better any other way.
"Fair. I don't know either." David nods, "So let me ask this instead. If you had stayed, would T have let anyone help him?"
He shrugs, "I don't know that either. I just know he did accept it when you offered to help. That was huge."
He'd been shocked.
T accepting help from a stranger?
More. T admitting he needed help?
There had been so much happening, so much he was trying to hear and say, understand. So many emotions he was fighting to keep under control.
But that. That moment T had paused.
Consider instead of outright scoff.
Agree.
David nods again, "Do you think he would've accepted help without Harry's insistence? Without the four of you vouching for me? Even demanding it in Mal's case."
A strange sound, like a half-choked laugh, slips from him as he looks back up, "I- I get the feeling you're about to say if we weren't here and weren't talking to you, that wouldn't have happened."
The smallest smile twitches on David's lips, "Right as always, Iki bruh, so let me ask you this, do you trust Gil?"
"Well, yeah," he says, not even needing to think about it. "He's a good guy."
"Do you trust Deez?"
"Yeah, it's hard to remember a time I didn't."
"Do you trust Harry?"
"Getting there. He plays too much, but, yeah, I guess I do."
David's smile widens slightly, "Better question then, do you trust Harry with T?"
"Yes, they bug each other enough. And I've seen T handle Harry. So yeah."
"Do you trust their leader, Uma?"
This one gave him pause.
Uma.
The Kraken.
Shrimpy.
Mal's rival.
But then he had to stack that against the look in Deez's eyes when she talked about her.
Gil's smile whenever he talked about her.
The memory of her trying to keep him calm.
David nods, "I doubted you'd have an answer for that one. So how about instead of that, what did Gil say about her? Deez? T?" He asks as he leans back, using his arms to hold himself up.
"I was thinking about that. About the way Deez talked about her. And yeah, Gil practically worshiped her. I think Harry does worship her." He rolls his eyes, "And, and she was nice to me once. After Senior took Deez and I panicked. Gil took me to her. And, and they made it look like I'd been taken or something."
He tilts his head to the side, "And she supported Book Club before Mal even knew about it, and let Mal have the first sword. So, she has to be pretty good too."
"I think so too," David smiles. "Do you think T trusts her?"
"Yeah, I know he does."
David nods, "And does T trust the rest of them?"
He nods.
David tilts his head, "Do you think they'd do everything in their power to help them? Protect them? Even if they don't know her?"
He nods again as a knot loosens in his chest.
"Wouldn't you and your pack have done the same in their position?"
"I hope so."
"I understand your hesitance, but you just said Mal was worried about him, didn't you?"
"Yeah, but-"
"Wasn't he supposed to be part of your pack?"
"He was about to be, bu-" He shakes his head, "T was supposed to get Deez kicked and join, but then Maleficent told us we had to go."
"But say that didn't happen. Would Mal let anything happen to those she viewed as hers?"
"No, she wouldn't." He takes a deep breath, "I think I get it, David. I just, it still hurts." He grimaces as he turns to Roy, "And I'm sorry I uh, well that. I'm sorry that all happened."
"Bro," Roy shrugs, "I get it. That shit sounds like it sucks like drinking green ash water."
"Ew?"
"Definitely ew. Trust me."
He blinks when David and Roy agree at the same time.
"I knew there was a reason you were so chill about it." Roy snickers.
"It's just green." David shrugs with a grin before he turns back to him. "So, you get what I'm saying?"
"No matter where I am, or any of us are, we're gonna do the best we can because that's all we can do. And if things were different," He tilts his head, "Well, if things were different, they'd be different." He sighs.
"It sucks, bruh. And as much as I'd like to say the hurt will go away, I won't lie to you like that, wouldn't want to." David smiles sadly, "What I do know is that you're a brilliant kid. A brilliant kid who cares deeply. Who has access to the world at his fingertips. You might not be able to help in the immediate sense, but you do have time to figure out the best way to help them. Time to accept Faustina so you don't feel embarrassed or anything of the sort when you do get to meet them again. Or at least as much as you can. In my experience, it can be rather jarring meeting the other personality."
He slowly nods.
It was something he worried about.
What would it be like to meet Faustina?
Talk to her?
"And I know it's not a lot to go off of, but from the letters- She's drastically different from her other half… So, you know, working on that for when you do meet her, might make it easier for her to get to know you, assuming you do. Want to meet her, I mean."
He rolls his lips together as he nods, "Yeah, she sounds completely different. Like nothing like T. So, yeah, I, yeah, that might be weird." He frowns.
"Might be?" Roy lifts his pierced brow.
He shrugs, "I've seen and done a lot of things I've never done before." He rests a hand in Dude's fur, "A person having two people in them isn't as weird as magic."
"No kiddin' bruh." David smiles.
He smiles in return. "Thanks for showing up, sor-"
"Anytime iki bruh. I appreciate you lettin' me help."
He tilts his head to the side, "Not allowed to say sorry?"
"Not for things that don't need one." David chuckles.
He frowns as he looks down.
It felt like something he should apologize for.
Losing it like that.
Letting it overwhelm him.
"I would appreciate you not delving more into the specifics of it without me in the future, though. I don't know what would've happened if you didn't have Roy or someone else with you."
"I'm never alone for very long-"
"Cuz you're awesome." Roy wraps an arm around his shoulders. "Sucks havin' ta share you, but I get it."
He chuckles lightly before he looks up at David again.
"I did, or at least I think I think I did," He sighs, "put a lot of it together." He quickly presses a hand to his stomach as it groans.
David nods, "And if you ever want to ride that wave, I'd really like to be there to make sure you keep your balance. It's a pretty stormy ocean."
He takes a deep breath, "Yeah, I- I'd rather have you there too. And not scare anyone else."
"Ya didn't scare me," Roy shrugs, "Just worried the shit outta me."
"That. I don't like doing that."
Roy chuckles, "Kinda hard with you." He ruffles his hair. "You're worth worrying about."
It stung, but he quickly smiles.
Worth worrying about.
Worth.
He wasn't worth worrying about.
He shakes his head, trying to banish the hurtful words.
Banish his mother's mocking voice.
He catches David watching him thoughtfully.
"You are, you know," David reaches out to squeeze his knee, "worth worrying about. You care so much for those you hold close. It's hard not to. Even right now, it shows how much you care about your friends. You wouldn't have reacted so viscerally if that wasn't the case. You're an amazing kid Carlos. And there are so many reasons, legit reasons why you could be selfish and bitter, but you rose above that. Maintained your board despite the storm that should've had you wiping out."
He catches himself before his eyes can search for the barrier, can look in the direction he knew the Isle was in.
He felt selfish, but he was also happy.
It was a strange combination.
Just like the panic had been.
"No shit, right?" Roy snorts. "Most people here think I'm fucking Satan's spawn, but you-"
"That's actually Deez, according to, to-" He blinks, "Some people on the Isle."
"Tch, bull shit." Roy snorts, "That chick sounds like a saint. People on the Isle are just bitter old twats."
He wasn't wrong.
But it also wasn't something he wanted to get into, or maybe he just didn't have enough energy.
Fighting to breathe had really tired him out.
Or maybe he was drained because he'd let his mother rip into him.
His mother's voice.
He wasn't even sure where to begin with that one.
"So," David claps his hands softly. "Seems like COD and greasy food are just what the doctor ordered."
"Damn straight," Roy grins, "Best doctor ever."
Oooof.
That one fucking hurt.
Like on so many levels.
T-T our poor cinnamon roll.
We're fucking monsters sometimes.
Seriously, wasn't expecting this to turn out the way it did when we started writing this one, but it fucking smacked me in the face right quick.
I mean, it's been years since I vomited from stress, but I get it iki brah.
*Sighs*
Anyone else feel like protectively curling around Carlos?
Or, more accurately (for me at least), punching someone in the face? *cough* Cruella *cough* Though I'd settle with Leah, since crazy bitch ain't in this book.
Just JFC, the shit Dark, writes sometimes. *shakes my head* Kudos to her for some dope-ass Carlos whump.
Thank the gods he did that with Roy.
And that Roy knew enough to steal his phone and hit up David.
Random fact, did you know that Madame Medusa from The Rescuers was originally supposed to be Cruella?
Carlos seriously broke my heart in this chapter, (thanks, Dark) any of you feeling the same?
I think Dark went above and beyond with this panic attack. Agree or fight me.
LoLz.
Seriously though, agree or disagree?
Did this chapter give you the feelz?
Fave quote (well introspection in this case):
Did Uma know? That they'd brought her food to him and Evie.
He hadn't been willing to look a gift goblin in the mouth at the time, but now? Especially after getting those letters, he wanted to know.
Mal would've flipped if she found out one of them was giving the 'enemy' her art.
- Carlos
Do you think Uma knew?
I don't remember ever writing introspection or dialogue on it.
So thoughts?
Much love and appreciation,
-Twisted
Oh, fuck me I almost forgot, what was your fave part? I wanna know!
Seriously.
I wanna know.
Feed my curiosity people.
Feed it! - (Invader Zim voice)