Title: Life Support
Prompt # 40: Why?
Pairing: Mark/April PLATONIC!
Word Count: 1 845
Summary: At a Life Support meeting, April wonders why she's still here.
Rating: PG
Author Notes: Heh, well, this took me long enough to write, so I hope you like it! Written for the 50rentedsmiles fanfic challenge on LJ.
Disclaimer: I don't own emotion…or RENT. ;)
April hurried into the Life Support meeting, whispering an apology to Steve.
"Glad you could make it," Steve nodded. "Grab a seat; we're just about to start." She sat down beside Lily, took off her coat, and hung it on the back of her chair.
"Hey," she whispered. "Where's everyone else?" April glanced around the circle and saw Mimi, Roger, Tom Collins, and Angel. She grinned when Angel wiggled his fingers at her.
"Now, let's go around the circle and introduce ourselves." Steve smiled. "I guess I'll go first. I'm Steve."
"Paul."
"Gordon."
"Roger."
"Mimi."
"Tom. Collins."
Angel reached up and took off her wig. "Hi. I'm Angel."
"Ali."
"Pam."
"Sue."
"Lily."
"April," she said when it was her turn. She looked over at Roger and smiled sadly.
'If it weren't for me, Roger probably wouldn't be here,' April thought. She shook her head to clear the thought from her mind. 'No. We're in this together. Until the end.'
"Mark." He said from behind his camera. They had all gotten used to Mark and his camera by now. April grinned at the lens, which was all that she could see.
"Good." Steve stood up. Everybody followed, then Steve opened his mouth and started to sing softly.
"Look, I find some of what you teach suspect
Because I'm used to relying on intellect
But I try to open up to what I don't know…"
April turned to look at Roger when he joined in.
"…Because reason says I should have died three years ago."
April felt her eyes fill up with tears at the truth of the words. 'I shouldn't be here,' she thought. 'I should be dead. Why am I still here?'
"Ring! Ring!" The phone called insistently. April dropped her keys on the table and hurried over.
"Hello?" she said breathlessly.
"Miss Ericsson?" A female voice answered.
"Yes. This is she." April replied cautiously.
"Miss Ericsson, we have your test results. Could you please come to the clinic? It's urgent."
April felt sick.
"Why? What are the results?"
"Just come in, and we can explain."
By now, April was extremely worried. "Okay. I'll be right there." She hung up the phone and turned around, looking frantically for her keys. She found them on the table where she had left them, and hurried out of the loft, pausing only to scribble a vague note. She didn't want Roger to worry.
"Rog –
Went out with Lily. Be back soon.
Love you, April."
April stuck the note to the phone, then left, making sure to lock the door behind her. She ran down the stairs, all the way to the clinic.
"Hi," April panted, doubled over trying to catch her breath. "I just got a phone call."
"Yes. You must be Miss Ericsson," the receptionist replied. "The doctor will see you now. Just go into that room." She pointed to a door beside the receptionist's desk. April went in, and sat down on the stool to wait.
A few minutes later, a woman came in to the room, stopping to take a folder out of the large plastic holder attached to the door.
"Hi, April. I'm Dr. Connors." She held out her hand, and April shook it. "Nice to meet you." She looked down at the files in the folder, then at April. "Okay. Now I understand you were tested for STD's?"
April just nodded.
"You were tested for all of them. But you tested positive for HIV. You're a heroin addict?"
Dr. Connors looked down at April's arms expectantly. April reluctantly pulled up the sleeves of her shirt to show Dr. Connors the ugly, purple track marks that covered both arms.
"You'll have to have another test done, just to be certain," she continued explaining. "If that comes back positive, you'll be prescribed AZT and directed to a nutritionist."
April nodded again, numbly.
"Do you have any questions?" Dr. Connors said kindly, looking into April's eyes. April looked away, blinking back tears, then looked back at the doctor.
"How long?" The doctor sighed.
"No more than a year, I'm afraid. But that depends entirely on the second test results."
April was silent for a moment, then she finally spoke.
"Okay. Thank you." She hopped off the stool and left the clinic, completely unaware of anything. Dr. Connor's words echoed in her head.
"HIV…AZT…one year…"
April shivered, which seemed to bring her out of her reverie. She hurried home and crawled into bed. 'Roger's probably getting high somewhere,' she thought. She just lay there, staring at the ceiling, until it grew fuzzy, and she slowly fell asleep.
April woke up when she heard the front door open.
"Mark?" she heard Roger's slurred voice. "April?" The room was completely black.
April sat up, panicked. Roger. She slid out from under the blanket and padded in her bare feet over to the dresser, opening the drawer where Roger kept his stash. April picked up one of the needles that they shared, holding it between her fingers as she did right before she was about to stick the needle into the pale skin of her arm. Now the needle didn't look inviting, but threatening.
She hurried out of the bedroom, only to see Roger collapse onto the overstuffed couch, obviously drunk.
April sighed, but decided not to say anything. She turned and walked back into their bedroom. She would let him sleep it off, then talk to him tomorrow.
"Hey," April said as she came into the kitchen the next morning.
Roger looked up from his coffee.
"Morning, babe," Roger smiled.
"Shouldn't you be drinking water after being hung over, not coffee?" April grabbed the box of Cap'n Crunch.
"How'd you know I got drunk last night?" Roger looked at her questioningly. "You were asleep when I got home."
"I just figured, since you stayed out half the night."
"Oh. Right. What did you do last night?" he replied.
"Actually, I went to the doctor." April tried to sound casual. "Hey, where's Mark?"
"What for?" Roger stood up and walked around the table, ignoring April's question. He leaned over and looked in her eyes. "Baby, are you all right?"
"I don't know. I feel kind of weird. Probably just from the heroin though. Where's Mark?" April repeated.
"He said he was going out early to film some more." Roger still looked worried. "Are you sure you're all right?"
"Yeah, fine. But Rog?"
"Yeah?"
"Will you do me a favor?"
"Sure. What?"
"Will you go for the same tests I did? Just to be safe?"
Roger hesitated.
"Okay."
"Ring!" April grabbed the phone after one ring.
"Hello?"
"Miss Ericsson, both test results just returned. Will someone come to pick them up?"
April's stomach dropped to her feet. She tried to swallow, but her mouth was dry.
"Yes." She managed to say. "I'll be right there." April hung up, and once again scribbled a quick note before leaving.
"Rog –
Meet you at the Life Café, as usual.
Love you, April."
April walked into the clinic for the second time that week. The receptionist looked up as she reluctantly approached the desk. "Ah. Miss Ericsson. The doctor will see you."
April went into the same room. Dr. Connors came in after, closing the door behind her.
"April, the antibody tests for both you and your boyfriend – what's his name?"
"Roger."
Dr. Connors nodded. "Both yours and Roger's test results came back positive."
April could only sit there, too shocked to move.
"So we'll have to prescribe both of you AZT," Dr. Connors continued, but April barely heard her. "And you'll have to see a nutritionist. When can both of you come in?"
April slowly turned her face towards Dr. Connors, her words finally sinking in.
"I…I'm actually going to meet him right away."
"Okay." She handed April a sheet of paper. "Go see him. Talk it over, then book an appointment right away so we can get you and Roger on AZT right away." Dr. Connors smiled sadly. "I'm sorry, April. I wish I could tell you that you'll live, but very few people diagnosed with HIV live past a year."
"Thank you." April tried to hold back her tears. She walked out of the clinic, towards the Life Café, the paper crumpled in her hand. April looked down at the sheet of paper. She finally broke down and cried, until she was in front of the Life Café. She quickly wiped her eyes on her sleeve, then walked into the café.
Roger looked up as April came into the café. He smiled, but it faded when he looked into her eyes, red and puffy from crying.
"April? Baby, what's wrong?" Roger looked worried. April put the sheet of paper down on the table and pushed it towards Roger, then collapsed into the empty chair. He picked the paper up and read it. His eyes widened.
"April Ericsson – HIV positive."
Roger gasped after reading the next line.
"Roger Davis – HIV positive."
Roger slumped back in his chair. He raised his head and met April's eyes.
"I'm so sorry, Rog," April whispered. Roger reached across the table and took April's hand in his.
"I'm sorry, too, baby."
"There's only us
There's only this
Forget regret or life is yours to miss…"
April felt tears welling up in her eyes as everyone sang. She quickly stood up.
"Excuse me," she muttered, hurrying out of the room. Roger started to follow her, but Mark handed his camera to Roger.
"I'll talk to her." Mark followed April. She kept walking until she was around the corner, then leaned against the wall and cried.
"April?" Mark said softly. April turned around.
"Oh. Hey, Mark," she sniffled, wiping her eyes with her sleeve. "I'm okay, I just…"
"I know." Mark smiled bitterly, a strange look for the young man, who was usually the cheerful one of the group, along with Angel. "The knowledge that you're going to lose Roger. And then you're going to die. Trust me; I know that feeling, that fear of losing someone you love."
April just stared at Mark.
"Roger. And you. I don't know what I'm going to do without you." Mark stopped, looking at April. Tears ran down April's cheeks, leaving shiny tracks. Mark hugged her, never wanting to let go, but knowing he would eventually have to. April finally let go of Mark and took a step back. Wiping her eyes, she smiled tearfully.
"Can we just…stay out here a little longer?"
Mark smiled.
"Yeah. Sure." April leaned against Mark's shoulder, as he gently wrapped his arm around her shoulder, a brotherly gesture. April reached up and took Mark's hand. They stood there, listening to the others sing.
"I hope we have a few more of these moments before…" April trailed off, but didn't need to finish.
Mark grinned, then gently squeezed April's hand comfortingly.
"Me, too. A lot more."
April knew now why she was still here. Her friends still needed her. She couldn't leave them. Not yet.
"No other road
No other way
No day but today."