(Lidia- *Trigger warning* Themes of bullying and/or hate speech.*

I did forget to use trigger warnings in earlier chapters so I'll try to be more consistent with inserting them into chapters with sensitive content.

Reviews:

"Clana-4-eva chapter 13 . Oct 13

Divination is an elective they get to do in third year and above, it's not something they can do in first year. Is this a deliberate divergence or did you just forget?" -I definitely forgot. A friend mentioned it after I uploaded Divining Daphne but by that point, it was the plot for me, so I didn't care to change it. I can't lie and say there won't be a couple more of those mistakes in the future. It's been so long since I read the books. I'll try to be a bit more careful though with some of the bigger mistakes like this that affect the story long-term. Thank you for reading!)

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Chapter 40: What I want?

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It was still pretty chilly out. I'm not sure I'm ever going to get used to this. I guess I had to because I'm English but we weren't in England anyway. I missed the sun in the south. I blew into my cupped hands, my feet nervously crunching the cold stiff grass beneath my feet. Almost every first-year was gathered in the outdoor commons for another one of our first-year orientation activities. Daphne and the rest of Slytherin stood huddled together laughing amongst themselves about something. Pansy's laugh seemed extra loud. She threw her head back, her button nose pink from the cold, her dark brown bob bouncing and shiny. At that moment, with her arm linked through Daphne's while she laughed at something Draco Malfoy said, she reminded me of Jubilee. I briefly wondered how she was doing. Probably tormenting someone else.

"I guess they made up," Dean whispered after catching me staring.

I quickly looked away. Why did Dean have to notice everything? Down to my eyeballs. I shrugged off his comment, not wanting anyone to overhear. Megan Jones, one of the first year…um…one of the first-year Ravenclaw students, was staring right at me. Not to mention my friendship with Dean had me sandwiched between a pack of Gryffindor boys. When I first came to this school, a lot of people just kind of stared at me and whispered. I haven't done anything exciting like join the Quidditch team. I was superordinary. I didn't have a scar on my face to remind people I was a special orphan. But now they were staring this way again. At Harold Potter.

Instead, I changed the subject. "Can you explain the rules to me again?"

Instead, Seamus chimed in. "It's simple. You release The Judge, that's a small light McGonagall has in that box there. When it's released, it acts on the wishes of the group and chooses the person the majority feel should be The Inquisitor. The problem with that is people tend to think of the person they dislike the most. Once the light finds someone, it stops them from being able to see or hear anything for 30 seconds while everyone else runs to hide. After The Inquisitor is released, they have to catch the other witches. Each time, they find a witch, that person becomes a new Inquisitor and has to help them find the witches that are left. The last witch has to last ten minutes without being captured by everyone to win."

I think I understood. "So we're playing magic Hide-n-seek?"

Harold Potter I think just tried to hide a laugh.

"Settle down! Settle down children! We're ready to release The Judge." Professor McGonagall opened the tiny box in her hand and we watched as it passed through the crowd. It was a small white ball of light zipping between us while everyone stood completely still. For a second I felt the warmth as if hovered next to my cheek and I thought I had been chosen. I exhaled when it moved on until finally settling on Megan. She looked shocked, horrified, defeated. Her eyes met mine again and I looked away. Why was she looking at me? It's not like I wanted it to pick her. I wasn't even thinking about her. It wasn't my fault. Did she think it was my fault? Why was she still looking at me? I turned my whole body away slowly, hoping she wouldn't come looking for me first.

Dean was there with his hands shoved in his pockets. "Tough one. I feel bad for her."

Seamus snorted. "She basically just found out everyone hates her. Now that I think about it, she is kind of weird." He lowered his voice to a whisper, "Lavender Brown told me that Parvati told her that a couple of the girls caught her staring at them in the changing room. All the other girls in her house don't like her. The only girl that talks to her is Padma."

I froze. Were we not supposed to look at each other in the changing room? I think I looked too! Did they hate me? Is that why the judge hung around me so long? "What do I do?" I hissed. "I think I looked at Daphne once. But she talked to me-"

"Not like that." Seamus sighed. "Like look looked. She's probably gay." At my stare, Seamus elaborated. "Like maybe she likes girls?"

"I know what gay means, Seamus. I'm a Christian." Now he looked confused. "I just didn't think that mattered here." I'm pretty sure I've participated in some sort of blood sacrifice. I know some sins are worse than others, but I think witchcraft and heresy are tippy-top tickets to hell. We may as well all be gay. Wouldn't it make sense if we were all gay?... Megan Jones is thinkin' about fornication already? I glanced around. Was everyone? Was I behind again? Should I already be wearing a bra like Daphne and reading nasty books and looking at girls in the changing rooms?

Seamus shrugged, already annoyed with me I guess, and jumped into a conversation with Ron Weasle-Weases-Weasley- these names- and Harold. There was a pointed tap on my shoulder. When I turned around, bushy-haired-buck-toothed Hermany was standing there. "I spoke to Madame Pince. There's a book you currently have signed out that I need. But I cannot sign it out while you still have it. Have you finished with it?"

"I'm not sure. I think I forgot it in the dorms somewhere."

"Well, hopefully, you remember where. All of the books in the Hogwarts library are insured by The Central Library. If you don't return them, a Librarian will come after you."

I'm not sure why I don't like her very much but I don't. I don't like how she talks or how she acts like she knows everything or how she actually knows everything. She's a real drag. "I'll return it."

"Not all first-years know about the Central Library so I just wanted to make sure you were aware."

Maybe if I nod, she'll go away? No she was just staring at me. "Well, I'm not going to return it right now. I'll do it later."

Before she could say anything else, McGonagall clapped her hands together to get our attention. "The judge has chosen. That means to run and hide."

One glance back at Megan showed her eyes glazed over and milky. She almost seemed to panic as she swung her arms wildly around her. She was speaking but we couldn't hear her. This is what the English do to you when they think you might be gay?

In my town back home, they just sent them away to summer camp.

We all ran. Hermany took off with Harold and Ron, I guess almost getting murdered by a troll was a bonding experience. Everyone was scattering so I did the same and ran. I came large bush behind a couple of benches, but it was already taken, and the two girls there shooed me away.

Under the event table was taken.

The alcove on the side of the building was taken.

Bathroom stalls were taken.

I was running out of time.

I found a decent-sized tree that seemed empty enough and had enough leaves left to hide me somewhat. I got a running start and grabbed the lowest branch to hoi….hoyyy…hoist! to hoist myself up and carefully climbed the frosty branches. I was nervous to go any higher as the tree started to look a little thin so I rested on one branch not too far from the top. I think it was right on time because I could hear giggling and squealing. I was in a good spot to see almost everything. Megan had found Milicent almost immediately who then found the other Slytherin girls that really weren't trying very well to hide. Daphne and Pansy rolled out from behind a statue of Godric Gryffindor with magazines they rolled back up and tucked into their sleeves. I hid alone but it looked like all the other Hufflepuff had taken the opportunity to hide with other people outside of our house. They were out there making friends and I was up in a darn tree.

Cedric was not going to be happy.

Hoot! Hoot!

I looked up at the flutter of wings. It was Owl! He had a letter tied to his foot that he held out to me. I wrapped one are against the trunk of the tree to secure me and reached up to slide the tie off his leg. The bird looked around- I'm sure looking for Dean- before he took off. Not that I cared or nothin'. He was practically Dean's pet anyway.

The outside of the envelope wasn't marked and I wasn't expecting anything from anyone. I briefly thought of home. I wonder what Mama and Papa are doing right now?

I unfolded the parchment and a book fell into my lap. An entire book. HOW?! "Darn magic is amazing," I awed as I turned it over in my hand. "The Deathly Hallows…" I opened the letter completely, now knowing Mama and Papa weren't involved and read over the words carefully.

Dear Mary,

My name is Dora Tonks. You may remember me. (Oh! A response to my thank you letter!) You wrote me once at the beginning of your year. I'm sorry I could not respond to you sooner but for reasons you may or may not understand by now, I could not. I am sorry. As the one who pulled you out of the frying pan and dropped you into the fire, I feel partially responsible for what you must be going through. I know it can be hard, but I want you to remember something, Mary. You always have a choice. No matter how difficult or impossible things may seem. No matter what path The Divine Mother may have set out before you or expectations others may have for you, do not ever be afraid to carve out your own path. Whether that path leads you to the Alpha crown or back to that small town in America or anywhere else in the world, make sure you choose what is best for you. Take this time you spend attending Hogwarts to figure out what YOU want.

I don't think you got to read many books that weren't written by muggles while you were hidden away. I've sent over my copy of Deathly Hallows. It's good children's book with a lot of good life lessons. I'm interested in what you think some of those lessons are? Write me a return letter when you've finished reading. We'll meet again during the year's final crowning ceremony. I look forward to meeting you again

One House. One Goal,

Tonks

"Hey, Hufflepuff girl!" I tore myself away from my letter and looked down to the bottom of the tree to see Pansy staring up at me. She was with Daphne who was squinting up at me. I could have sworn I heard her ask about my shorts. I wasn't sure but Pansy giggled and waved for me to come down. "We found you already now come down so we can get this dumb game over with."