A few days later, Sayu witnessed yet another catastrophe of her brother's making.
It was sometime around 5:50. School had let out for the day, and Sayu had gone with Mom to visit Dad in the hospital.
Though Dad was patiently cooperating with the nurses, it was clear that by now, he was itching to get back to work, and being on forced bed-rest was driving him crazy. Right now, he was fidgeting with his empty water cup while impatiently flipping through channels on the little hospital television, and Sayu knew if he were standing, he would be tapping his foot against something, just like she did whenever she was waiting for something boring to finally be over.
Aside from the scare, Mom seemed to be glad that something had finally gotten her husband to lie down for a few days. She sat on Dad's right side with a serene expression as she read a medical journal and sipped her tea.
Sayu, meanwhile, sat at her Dad's left, at the small plastic table that came with the room, with a can of coffee from the vending machine, doing her homework with a pencil that had a strawberry-shaped eraser on its end. He was insistent that her time there be spent doing more than just sitting around with him, and she mustn't neglect her schoolwork. Sayu was inclined to humor him, since he seemed to think her grades were in danger of falling through the basement (and he'd just had a heart attack from another source of stress).
At some point, Dad's finger happened to land on a channel called Sakura TV – Sayu knew it was typically a purveyor of celebrity gossip and other such tabloid tripe. It was good for when nothing better was on, all your friends were busy, and you were sick of your video games. Otherwise? It was trash, plain and simple.
But this time was different.
The first thing that came out of the speakers when Dad happened to flip to Sakura TV was "It was, without a shadow of a doubt, sent by Kira!"
And this caught the attention of all three of them. Mom gasped, Dad's eyes widened as he muttered, "The hell..." and Sayu found her herself clutching her strawberry-eraser pencil with white knuckles, her worksheets crumpling under her other hand.
The announcer continued, "The first tape announced the time and date of death for Machiba Seiichi and Seiji, who were arrested the other day. Exactly as predicted, the two brothers died yesterday at 7 PM of heart attacks. Who besides Kira is capable of carrying out something like this? From this fact, we have concluded that the sender of these videos was none other than Kira."
"That's fairly slim evidence," Dad said as he fidgeted with the remote. "Some nutjob could've just gotten lucky." But he was still tense, and so was Mom as she clutched and wrinkled the medical journal in her hands.
Sayu herself was frozen, and couldn't bring herself to so much as speak. Her heart was racing, pounding like a massive taiko drum in her chest, massive waves of terror crashing over her, drowning her, filling her stomach with bile and sick dread. Light, big brother, what in God's name have you done?
"The envelope we received contained instructions from Kira telling us to air this, the second video, at exactly 5:59 PM today." The screen showed a clip of someone holding a tape before the camera, marked with the numeral 2, before cutting back to the announcer, holding the same tape up in his own hands. "We have not viewed this video ourselves, but Kira's instructions state that it foretells yet another death, and contains a message to people all over the world."
"Then why send it to them? Why not a major news network? Why would Kira send such a message via a celebrity gossip channel, of all things?" Dad was clenching his fists in his covers. "Is it just because they've been drumming him up? Is he so vain as to reward them for the flattery? Or is this supposed to be a punishment?"
Ryuk had told her that Light sometimes looked to pro-Kira media sources for inspiration, and to gloat. Neither of Dad's hypotheses seemed like him, but if the stakes had been lower, Sayu could see him sending a message to Sakura so he could bask in his own superiority.
It was hard to fathom him taking such a big risk as to contact the public personally, but with all the risks he'd taken lately, all the slip-ups he'd been indulging in – it was possible. It was definitely possible that he had decided this was a worthwhile effort.
And that thought made her feel cold to the bone.
This had to be fixed, and fast. She couldn't do it herself. The secrets had to come out, the family had to work together – at this point, there was no telling what Light would do to her if he found out his sister had given him away, but this had to stop, it had to, this had finally gone too far. Mom wouldn't give Light away – she would do absolutely anything to protect her children, even if one was a mass murderer. But Dad? What would he do? A lot of Light's calculating ruthlessness came from him – if he found out his son was truly Kira, would he keep the secret, stay his execution, work with Mom and Sayu to stop his killing spree and get him discreet psychological counseling? Or would he freely hand him over to L, toss his own son to the wolves? Sayu desperately wanted to believe the former, but the realist in her could vividly see the latter happening far, far too easily –
"The time is 5:59 PM. You are now going to see Kira's video."
Mom and Dad both sat up, straight as iron rods and tense as coiled springs. Mom's gaze avoided the TV at all costs; she clutched at her pearl necklace as her eyes darted around the corners of the room. Dad's focus was intense, narrowed and aimed solely at the screen.
The camera showed the TV setup in the studio, as the announcer's assistant slid the tape into the VCR. The lump in Sayu's throat swelled.
The other screen flickered to life. In English, written in Gothic calligraphy, was the name Kira. A second passed, and then a machine-scrambled voice spoke.
"I am Kira."
Sayu's pencil snapped in her hand with a loud CRACK. Mom noticed, a gasp and exclamation quickly drawn from her, and Sayu had to collect her wits and shakily open her hand as her mother took the pencil shards away, fearing a splinter. Dad hadn't moved at all – he was as still as a statue, and Sayu could barely tell that he was still breathing.
So far, at least as much as she could tell, it was identical to the announcement that L. had made. Would Light do this like L had, in order to mock him? Would he have wanted to stand out, be different? The fuzz in Sayu's brain was keeping her from thinking, she was trapped in choking fog – now, she felt like she didn't know her brother at all.
"If this video is aired at exactly 5:59 PM on April 18th, it is now 5:59 and 38, 39, 40 seconds.
"Please switch channels to Taiyo TV. The news anchor, Hibima Kazuhiko, will die of a heart attack at precisely 6 PM."
Dad quickly switched, and Sayu could see the sweat beading on his forehead as he watched Hibima thank his coworker for talking about the traffic. Mom, her eyes downcast, handed her strawberry eraser back to her, clearly understanding that with these circumstances, homework would be forgotten.
On Taiyo TV, the clock struck six. Hibima Kazuhiko's eyes widened as he clutched at his chest, and there were cries of alarm from the anchors at his side as he slumped over in his seat.
This was the first time in her life that Sayu had ever actually seen someone die.
She had known about the other famous deaths, of course, watched the footage afterward with her friends at school, when the teachers weren't watching, but she'd never been around to see it really happen, right in front of her.
Because of Light.
Sayu grabbed the trash bin next to her, ducked under the table, and threw up.
"Sayu!" This had gotten Dad's attention, and he tried to swing himself off the bed, but Mom pushed him back down with a shake of her head, and knelt on the floor to rub Sayu's back.
As she knelt on the linoleum floor, shaking and staring at her own vomit, Sayu was barely aware of Dad hesitantly switching the channel back to Sakura.
"Hibima-san has consistently referred to Kira as 'evil' in his news reports. This was his punishment."
At hearing this, Sayu stood up, gently pushing her mother away despite her protest.
She stared at the screen, at the gothic font, at the piece of paper that was being filmed, at the timestamp. Tiny details leaped to her notice in an instant - white noise at the edges of the recording, no indication of edits or jump cuts, a voice scrambler that any child might have bought with their allowance...
The fog in her mind seemed to have lifted, her engines now roaring at full capacity, gathering evidence and coming to conclusions at top speed.
The speaker had referred to Kira in the third person. Light was proud of his accomplishments, and he certainly considered becoming Kira an accomplishment. He would've reveled in saying that he was Kira, that he was the one punishing the wicked. If he was making an announcement under that title, he would never have talked about himself as though Kira were another person, not even by accident. He would've listened to the recording, done another take where the mistake was corrected. Furthermore, Light wouldn't have put such little effort into the videos: Light had access to higher quality cameras than this, editing and more advanced audio software, not to mention the fact he knew better than to do anything that the police could eventually find a way to trace back to him, and this method of terrorism was so, so very traceable.
This wasn't Light.
This was someone else. A copycat.
A copycat who admired Light's M.O.
A copycat who had a Death Note.
Sayu's blood ran cold once again as the speaker's voice continued.
"But one demonstration alone does not serve as absolute proof. I will present you with another."
Light was a minimalist – he would've considered the death of one non-criminal more than enough. This person... Sayu could only think that they must enjoy this. Light was many awful things, but a sadist? As much as he might live for this kind of power trip, even as far gone as he was, even just watching as a spectator, there was no way he could condone this.
She hoped. After all, who even really knew what Light was capable of anymore?
"My next target is a commentator who has also condemned me repeatedly. He is scheduled to appear live on air at this time..."
Sayu's gaze was drawn by the pulse in her father's straining temple, and her eyes widened at his expression. In all her life, she had never, ever seen Dad so angry. No, not just angry – he was enraged, incandescently furious. Did Light know that he had this effect on his own father?
She felt Mom press something into her hand. "I got this from one of the nurses, its for your throat," she told her softly. "Are you sure you're alright? We can go, your father will understand."
Sayu shook her head. "No Mom, I'm fine, I'll be okay." She sat back down on the bed, at Dad's side. Looking at what Mom had given her, she saw it was an antacid tablet, and Sayu popped it in her mouth and chewed, the chalky taste smoothly washing away the bile.
"I trust that you now believe that I really am Kira. Please, listen to me carefully. I do not want to kill innocent people."
Mom, who had returned to her seat, quietly scoffed as she attempted to go back to reading her medical journal.
"I hate evil and love justice. I do not consider the police my enemies, but my allies in my fight against evil."
If it were possible for humans to physically spit fire, her father would've engulfed the TV in flames.
"My aim is to rid the world of evil, and create a just society. If all of you will join me in this mission, it can be easily accomplished. If you do not try to capture me, no innocent people will die."
"He's trying to hold the whole fucking world hostage," Dad hissed. Sayu jumped as Mom hastily scolded him for his language in front of Sayu. In her whole life, she had also never, ever heard Dad swear.
"And even if you do not agree with me, if you refrain from publicizing your views in the media or in public, you will be spared." Terrorism, this definitely qualified as terrorism. Sayu very much hoped her brother wouldn't be inspired by this, that he still believed in freedom of speech – he wanted to be a god, not a dictator, he wouldn't stoop this low, right? (As flexible as Sayu's morals were, she was still fundamentally opposed to dictatorships on principle.) "And then, simply wait. In a short time, the world will be changed for the better. I'm sure you will all agree. I can do it. I can change the world, and make it a place inhabited only by good, kind-hearted people."
This sadistic terrorist seemed oddly naive. Sayu certainly expected some radical idealism, but naivete? What kind of person could kill dissidents so easily and still retain that kind of innocence? Were they mentally ill? Developmentally challenged?
Mom, apparently having finally had enough of this upsetting news, pressed the power button on the TV. "We shouldn't be watching this," she said firmly. "Sayu's already been upset by it, and it'll only make your condition worse, Soichiro. You need to rest, and our daughter shouldn't have to see such awful things."
Before Sayu could try to protest, Dad looked at her gently, before leveling a stern, noble gaze at Mom. "You're right, Sayu shouldn't have to see this. But Sachiko," and here he took a breath, "I am the head of the task force charged with arresting Kira."
Mom seemed more aggrieved than surprised at this admission, and she held Dad's gaze for a moment or two, biting her lip. He was still fierce, defiant, filled with fire and conviction, and as Sayu saw Mom nod slightly, and turn painfully to switch the TV back on, she could see why Mom had fallen in love with him.
"- A world with no place for evil." Mom stood up.
"Come on, Sayu. You don't have to stay and see this."
Sayu shook her head. "I'll be fine. I can handle it."
Mom looked down at her with watery eyes, and hugged her, pressing Sayu's head into her chest. "I wish you and Light hadn't been forced to grow up so, so fast," she whispered into her daughter's ear, and Sayu felt a lump form in her throat again.
A nurse ducked his head in the room as Mom left to use the restroom, apparently hearing Kira's broadcast from outside. "There's live footage of what's going on outside Sakura TV, on Channel 49!" Dad quickly thanked him, and switched over.
"-reported to have collapsed in front of Sakura TV!" The screen showed a man in a suit slumped on the ground in front of a set of glass doors.
Dad's eyes widened. "Ukita!" he uttered in a horrified voice.
The camera zoomed in, apparently on the body of one of Dad's subordinates. Sayu slipped her hand into Dad's, giving it a squeeze. He wasn't usually one for holding hands, but he seemed to need it, as he squeezed hers back tightly. "We are reporting live from in front of Sakura TV. For safety reasons, I cannot stand in front of the camera, but what you are seeing here is live coverage! We urge our viewers to remain calm, and to stay away from Sakura TV – it is very dangerous right now to approach." Whoever it was had to have seen him at the very least. They might have taken the bargain that Ryuk had told her about, for a shinigami's eyes – Dad would've been extremely careful with the names of those he was working with.
As the paramedics arrived to carry Ukita's body away, Dad released her hand, swinging his legs down from the bed, and stood up, snatching a suit from the bag Mom had brought.
"What are you doing? Are you crazy, Dad?" Sayu exclaimed with wide eyes.
"Maybe," he said, rummaging through his other clothes, and he pulled a gun out of the inner pocket of one of his jackets. "But something needs to be done."
Sayu stood hastily, chasing after him as he closed the bathroom door to change. "But that doesn't mean you have to do it!" she shouted through the door, a strange anger and bitterness rising in her chest. "Call your coworkers, send someone who doesn't have kids! You can't abandon us to make yourself a martyr!"
He opened the door, and Sayu found herself shamefully silent as he delivered a stern glare down at her. Dad's expression softened only a little, and he placed his hands on her shoulders. "You know better, Sayu. I love you all. But this is a war, and they need me to lead them on the front lines." And with that, he was gone, rushing down the hall to the protests of the nurses and orderlies.
And Sayu was left standing alone.
Mom returned from the restroom to see Sayu's stricken face. "I couldn't stop him, Mom," she whispered hoarsely.
She wrapped her arms around Sayu again. "It's alright. I don't think I would've been able to stop him either." Sayu knew her mother's lips were probably trembling as she clutched her tighter and said, "Damn that stubborn man! Why does he think he always has to be a hero?"
Over Mom's shoulder, Sayu could see the TV screen. The TV was muted now, but the camera had turned to show an armored car, driving towards Sakura's doors, gathering speed. Her stomach plummeted. Well, I know where Light gets his reckless attitude from. She had never even heard of Dad pulling a stunt like this, though she felt fairly certain he had done it quite often in his youth, given how ready he'd been.
The armored car crashed through the glass walls, and Sayu carefully switched off the TV from the remote, before Mom could see.
All they could do now anyway, was pray.
Mom took Sayu out to get dinner, and then straight home so she could get to bed in time, but planned herself to return to the hospital to wait for Dad to get back. Judging from her thunderous expression, Sayu guessed that if Dad came back unscathed, he was in for a lot of trouble from Mom.
Light was up in his room. Sayu had no idea how he must be taking this news, but she was sure Ryuk would come tell her later. She flopped down on her bed and heaved a big, deep sigh.
Their family all kept secrets. Sayu kept her intelligence, her many varied interests, and anonymous writing career a secret, Dad had the classified secrets of the Japanese police force, Light was a serial killer, and Sayu suspected there were some skeletons in Mom's closet as well, that she had tried very hard to leave behind in her hometown in Okayama. There were many times when Sayu wished things were different, that their family didn't keep secrets – or at least, if they kept secrets, they at least kept secrets together, and not apart.
What a team they would've made! The Yagami family could've taken the world by storm. If they had ever just felt able to confide in each other, if Sayu had been able to tell their parents not to put pressure on them, if Dad's personal code had been a little more flexible for his family, if Light had ever been able to tell one of them how he felt about the world, about himself, it wouldn't have turned out this way, and none of these hideous tragedies would have happened.
How useless it was, dwelling on this. There had to be a better way of distracting herself from the possibility of something horrible happening to her dad, of whatever consequences of his reckless behavior came back to bite him.
Light really did take after Dad in the worst way, didn't he?
Sayu stretched, and stood up to go to her desk. It was past 10, around the time she usually did her homework. Unfortunately, it had probably ended up in the trash at the hospital – she would have to settle for drawing, and probably ask her teacher for extra credit.
All her teachers had taught Light before, and Sayu didn't like the looks of disdain she got from them every time she turned in a less-than-perfect assignment. She couldn't actually tell them that the feeling was mutual, so she refused to put actual effort into anything they gave her, even the stuff she might've found interesting. She was a little too advanced for anything they gave her anyway – and why solve equations herself, when she could foist them off on someone who actually liked mindless, boring busywork like that, like her big brother? She'd spoken online with experts in many of the scientific fields she was peripherally interested in, and they'd confirmed that much of what they taught in high school wasn't even applicable in the actual work; it would only be a waste of her time.
A third of the way through her first semester of high school, Sayu had realized just how phenomenally bored she was, and decided if she couldn't put passion into schoolwork, she would put passion into extra-curricular activities. Her family knew she wasn't a complete sloth – she had to have something to show them in her everyday life. So, at her school, she had joined the Poetry Club and the Drawing Club, and at her neighborhood's community center, she had joined a series of ice skating classes. Sayu had thought about ballet or another dance class, but that was so middle school, and she wanted to challenge herself. She wasn't insanely good at it like Light was at tennis, but Sayu wasn't quite a novice anymore either.
Sayu wondered sometimes if Light resented this choice. Before she'd started doing so many activities, they'd always walked home from school together; in middle school, she'd waited for him to come from the high school to pick her up, and she would tell him about what she'd done, what was new, and he'd give her advice on how to deal with teachers and problems with student drama. It was some of the only time they had left together, since Light's new high school friends didn't really want to hang out with his little sister. When she'd decided to do more after school, he'd started walking home after tennis practice alone. He'd never come to see a single one of her art shows, poetry recitals, or skating demonstrations, only spending his free time studying. Sayu was used to it now, but it still stung.
Ryuk came floating through the wall, interrupting her musings. "Did you see the news?"
Sayu swung her chair around to face him. "Yeah."
"It wasn't us!" Ryuk was quick to defend himself, throwing up his hands. Sayu felt surprised and a little impressed that he had predicted she might be upset. "It's someone else, pretending to be Kira."
"I know, I kind of figured it was too sloppy to be Light."
Ryuk's shoulders slumped in relief as he flopped onto her bed. His face might not be particularly expressive, but his body language said everything anyway. "Light was pissed at first, but after a while he got really quiet, and then he started cackling when that police guy died. I don't know what's even going on anymore."
Sayu's heart sank. Light couldn't possibly be thinking of going along with this? Of killing reporters who were against him?
Of course he would, an ugly little voice deep inside her whispered. There's a poison in him now, and it's spreading, its killing the brother you knew and loved.
"I don't even know any other shinigami who might do what I did," Ryuk continued, and Sayu forced herself to listen attentively, shutting out the ugly little voice. "Maybe Gelus, but he's not bored like I am, he finds the human world pretty entertaining as it is. Maybe he saw what I was doing and wanted to join in the fun?"
"Who's Gelus? A friend of yours?" asked Sayu, eager to distract herself.
"I guess. I don't really have friends, at least not among shinigami. I haven't actually seen him in years – I'm not actually sure what he'd be up to now. He likes watching human girls, or at least, he did in the 80s."
That sounded – well, pretty creepy, but Sayu was warmed by Ryuk's possible reference to her as a human friend. Maybe he meant Light, but she hoped he meant her. "What do other shinigami look like? Do they all look like you?"
Ryuk shook his head. "No, not at all. I mean, a lot of us look kinda similar to human corpses? There's a few of us that don't look like anything remotely human, or look like giant grubs or insects, but most of us have the same number of limbs. We all have wings, too, but those don't look alike either." Ryuk's shadowy wings were currently put away in whatever strange pocket dimension they stayed in when he wasn't using them, and Sayu asked if other shinigami could do that as well. "Yeah, everyone. And not everyone's the same size," he added, "Gelus is kinda smaller than most – he's about the same size as you, and he looks like a mummy."
"Do you know any others?"
"Hm." Ryuk scratched his head. "There's Rem, she hangs out with and looks kinda like Gelus, but bigger and with hair. There's Armonia Justin, he's the Death King's assistant, a pain in the ass, and he makes us say his full name whenever we address him in person. He looks like a gilded skeleton covered in tacky jewelry. There's Sidoh – I stole his Death Note so I could give it out – and he's, well, kind of a dweeb. I'd feel sorry for him if he wasn't so annoying, but anyway, he looks like a big fat larva wrapped in bandages. Gukku's kind of a buddy of mine I guess, but he gambles a lot, and we're not super close. He looks like a giant goat carcass with prayer beads. Oh! And Nu, of course. She's pretty much second only to the King himself. She's just a giant mound of eyes, or at least that's all I've ever seen of her. She's pretty reclusive, she can't stand noise – if you go visit her, you can't make noise, ever, not even accidentally. I could probably tell you about a few others, but those are the biggies, pretty much."
"There's a lot of variety in names."
"Yeah, sometimes the Death King will name us, but most just pick whatever they think sounds cool."
"Did you pick your name?"
"Me? Everyone else came up with it, 'cause of how I laugh. I tried going by other names a few times, but Ryuk kinda stuck, and I guess it's not so bad as names go."
"What about your parents?"
If Ryuk could blink in surprise, he probably would have. As it was, he just cocked his head to the side and scratched his scalp. "Parents?"
"You said shinigami can die, so there has to be a place where new shinigami come from. Aren't there new shinigami?"
"Oh!" Ryuk considered this for a few moments. "Well, yeah, but we don't reproduce like that. We don't even have genitals." (A wave of embarrassment came over Sayu, and she squirmed a little, but thankfully Ryuk didn't seem to notice.) "Gender is kind of a human idea that we just sort of ended up adopting, I think. Another thing that's pretty much up to preference. And relationships of that kind are forbidden – no clue why, since we're not even capable of that anyway, but the Old Man's laws are kind of all over the place. Maybe he meant for us to have kids at first, and decided against it. Nu might know..."
Curious to get to the bottom of this mystery (and finding herself eager to divert the conversation away from sexual relations) Sayu pressed on, hoping she wasn't still blushing. "Then where do new shinigami come from? How were you born?"
Ryuk went still, and stared into space for a few seconds. Then, slowly, he spoke again. "I don't really remember. No one really talks about it, either. I'm pretty sure the Death King makes us, somehow, but as far I know for certain, at least in my experience, is that at first, we aren't, and then, we just sort of are. Like I think I told you before, my earliest memories don't really involve me learning anything new, I just sort of already knew everything I needed to know – at least, what I thought I needed to know. Does that make sense?"
Sayu frowned, and leaned back in her chair, rubbing her eyes with her palms, and Ryuk, seeing that she was about to be deep in thought, pulled out an apple and started munching.
The shinigami world was presided over by a godlike being, a god of death gods who created, destroyed, and inflicted suffering based on whims. It made Light's ambitions seem almost funny by comparison, but comparison wasn't a productive way of thinking about these issues.
Big-picture wise, whatever Light did just didn't matter, and Sayu shouldn't even have to care – the world, the way people behaved, would still always be the same, no matter how many revolutions or innovations or crazy megalomaniacal dictators did their best to change it. But on the small scale, from Sayu's view as an individual, living in Japan, with her brother on the loose with a weapon of mass destruction, she was deeply scared. She was scared for herself, for her family, for people she knew – and of course, for her brother, both for what he was doing to himself and the consequences of this killing spree he'd decided to go on.
Light was driving an out-of-control train, taking it off the rails, and insisting that he still knew what he was doing.
How Sayu wished they could confide in each other! Her heart ached thinking of all the things she wished she could say to him, tell him about what she thought. When they were younger, they were still as different as could be, but they knew they could lean on each other. They had never leaned on one another for anything like this before, but it would've made confessing her intelligence so much easier; perhaps, she even could have convinced him to rein himself in.
Was this her fault? Had her need to stretch her wings pushed Light away? Without his sister to lean on, had he gone into whatever rabbit hole had led him to believe wholesale slaughter would do anything to make the world a better place? That made him fail to realize how, if he could just hear himself speak, the ambition of becoming a fucking god, sounded absolutely, incredibly, mind-blowingly, ball-bustingly nuts?
Logically, Sayu knew that blaming herself was useless, that this was all in the past and couldn't be corrected, and she should focus on finding a way to fix this before it got any worse, before Light completely lost his mind. Logically, she knew this.
But the human brain isn't as logical an organ as it likes to pretend.
My brother's sanity, my father's life, my mother's fear – my fault. My brother, my fault. My fault.
My Dad could be dead, right now, right now, my fault. My Fault, My Brother, My Fault.
My mother could be finding out she's a widow, my fault. MY Fault, MY Brother, MY Fault.
Thousands of people are dead, people I don't know, people I could know, people I could've known, people that people I know could've known - all my fault. MY FAULT -
Her fearful spiral was interrupted by Ryuk, poking her in the side with one of his bony fingers. "Hey, I just remembered something."
Sayu slowly pried her palms from her eyes to turn and look at Ryuk.
He cocked his head for a moment before continuing, so she supposed her expression must have been strange. "A long time ago, there was this one guy who went around saying he was something else before he was a shinigami. He couldn't remember what it was, so most of us ignored it and left it alone. I don't remember his name, if he had one, but he was so wrapped up in trying to find out who or what he was and how he became a shinigami, he eventually forgot to keep harvesting lifespan and wasted away. I think the Old Man tried to warn him off it, but I guess it didn't really work."
"If he couldn't remember, why was he so sure?" Sayu asked wearily, plopping herself onto the bed to sit next to Ryuk.
Ryuk scratched his head again. "I don't actually remember what his proof was," he admitted, "but no one ever really found anything to argue with it. Sorry, like I said, it was a long time ago."
Before Sayu could do more than wonder if he had just spoken to see if she was alright, the front door opened downstairs, meaning Mom was could hear Light's door down the hall open shortly after, his footsteps going to the stairs. He would want to check in, of course, but Sayu had gotten express instructions to go to bed and stay in bed, and if she showed herself to be still awake, then given how she'd reacted today, Mom would worry. And Mom had enough to worry about, both their parents did.
Ryuk stood. "Light'll probably expect me to follow him right now, I'll see you tomorrow," he said in a low voice, and then he began to float to the door.
Sayu had a sudden urge to beg him to stay. She remembered the whirlpool of tortured thoughts, waiting for when she was alone in her own mind, and knew that the last thing she wanted right now was to be alone. Ryuk was the only one who she might be able to trust if she told him, even if he didn't totally understand what she was going through. Every time they talked, he got a little less cold, a little less detached – still alien, still a god of death, but to her, a friendlier face than her own brother's. She was closer to Ryuk than she had been to anyone else in her whole life, Sayu realized.
She opened her mouth to ask him to stay, but the request died in her throat and her jaws clenched shut. For the life of her, Sayu couldn't put a name or a source to what she was afraid of, but she stopped all the same, leaving whatever it was that she wanted from him trapped, unspoken and undetermined.
Ryuk passed through the door. She was left alone, in an empty room, in her own mind.