"Don't ask anything to Narcissa, it would not be safe", said Andromeda. She was having dinner with Hermione and Sirius at their flat. If they were watched, no one would find it surprising that the two renegades of the Black family visit each other. But Andromeda was also Nacissa's sister, and Lavinia's niece, and as she was one of the rare persons the younger of the Black sisters, who had become a sort of recluse, still admitted in her house, Sirius had decided to ask her favourite cousin some advice about their plan.
"Narcissa only loves one person in the world, her son", Andromeda added, "and she's still very angry that he was condemned to some community service five years ago. She refuses to see that if she and Draco had not half betrayed Voldemort in the end, it would have been far worse for both of them. And it would be no use to propose her a reduction of sentence for Lucius : she's divorcing him".
"Really ?" said Sirius, "I didn't know".
"Nobody does yet, except me. She's asked me to help her to finalise the divorce agreement". Though for centuries –and until a recent reform- there had been no criminal lawyer in the wizarding word, -material proofs, testimonies and veritaserum being deemed sufficient to determine guilt or innocence-, business and divorce lawyer had existed for a long time, and Andromeda had been a very talented one before her illness. She had started to practice again, as a way of keeping herself occupied, but also because she needed the money, having had no part in her father's inheritance. Since Sirius had recovered the fortune of his own branch of the family, he had suggested he could give her a monthly pension, but she had declined : her work was enough to ensure her a comfortable life.
"So you and Narcissa are no longer estranged ?" asked Hermione.
Andromeda sighed. "Yes and no. I think I'll never forgive her for having been so passive, or rather, for having turned such a blind eye to her husband's criminal activities. When we were arguing about that, all what she could say was some bullshit about the need to defend pureblood families against, 'the muggle lovers who have deprived us of our birthright', according to her words, or rather Lucius'. She only started paying attention to what was really happening when her precious son was suddenly under threat from Voldemort, after Lucius's failure in the Hall of Prophecy. And now, she thinks that everything is Lucius' fault for choosing a lunatic murderer's side, a point of view that I can't fault of course. But she even holds him responsible for Draco marrying a muggle born, and…"
" "What ?" laughed Hermione, "Draco married a muggleborn girl ?"
"You didn't know either ? But of course, how would you ? Draco met a girl during his community service. She was her supervisor. They fell in love and married, in spite of the utter disapproval of both families. And if Narcissa changed her mind about Voldemort, she didn't about muggles and muggleborn witches and wizards. But after Draco swore he wouldn't set foot in the Malfoy manor untill Narcissa was polite with his wife, she has to watch her mouth every time the couple visits, which is not often. So you can imagine how bitter she is. Her word has collapsed, and there is nothing you could offer her that could change that. Besides", Andromeda added with an impish smile, "you're not his favorite person, Sirius, epecially since the mudflower tree episode".
Sirius's eyes widedned. "She still resents me for that ? But it was years ago ! "
"The mudflower tree episode ?" asked Hermione hopefully. It sounded promisingly like a fun story.
"Well you see, your husband here, even when he was only a precocious eleven-year-old, never liked Lucius. And in the winter garden of the house, we had this precious mudflower tree. It's a tree that is constantly covered with beautiful, flagrant flowers. But one time a century, the flowers suddenly turn into mud-colored, foul-smelling fruits that fall on the ground all at the same time. Of course, our house elf periodically treated the plant with a growth blocker to avoid that".
"So I imagine that story involves a growth accelerator instead" said Hermione.
"Good guess", replied Sirius, smiling mischievously. "I had already thought of that tree's potential for a good prank, and made sure to find a way of talking Slughorn into teaching me how to prepare the potion. And as you know, it was rather easy to make the old fool do as you please, if,for one reason or another he found it flattering to have you in his club. All what I needed was a good opportunity. And then…"
"And then ?"
"Well, that year we all gathered for Christmas at my uncle Cycnus's house. And there I happened to overhear Lucius, who had been invited as Narcissa's love interest, telling Rodolphus Lestrange that he intended to propose Narcissa on the following day after lunch 'under that big flowery tree she was so fond of', and that he hoped it would be 'romantic enough for the little goose', as he said.
"Ah", said Hermione in a half horrified, half amused tone, having no trouble imagining what had been the story's outcome.
"Indeed. All what I had to do was to prepare the potion during the night in the laboratory of the house, to pour it at the right time, and then hide under another pot to enjoy the show. I must tell I felt a bit sorry for Narcissa's ruined dress, even if at the time I thought her only slightly less obnoxious than Bellatrix. But seeing uptight, elegant Lucius covered in mudberry pulp and half choking with anger was worth the while."
"What happened to you after that ?" asked Hermione, a bit anxious at the thought of what could have been the reaction at such a prank of a whole family of dark wizards. Andromeda was right to say that even at a young age, Sirius had knack for getting himself into trouble.
"Well, that's the best of the story : nothing. Narcissa started shrieking that she'd have my hide, for no one else could be responsible of such a disgusting, monstrous prank. She'd have called the rest of family on the spot. But Lucius ordered her to keep quiet, like the bully he already was with her. He was perfectly aware of how ridiculous they both looked, and he didn't want Rodolphus to know about the episode, let alone his younger brother Ludovicus who was there too and who was in grade seven at Poudlard with him. He swore Narcissa that he would do his own investigation, and that once he would have found the culprit, he'd make him regret to be born. And sot they retired quietly to their rooms to change, and that was it. They had suspicions, but no proof. Besides, as they didn't want to tell the others about the prank, what could they do ? Of course, the others discussed much what might have happened to the tree. In the end, no one dared to say it openly, but the explanation deemed the most plausible was that my grandfather Pollux, who lived in Cycnus's house at the time and who insisted in preparing himself all the potions for the winter garden plants, was getting too old to remember the formulas properly. Later, apparently Lucius or Narcissa questioned Slughorn and learnt about my interest in the growth potion, and they tried to get back at me. But that's another story".
"So you got lucky that time", sighed Hermione. "But what if you'd been caught, for example at night in the laboratory ? Why did you ever do such a thing ?"
"Well", replied Sirius a bit sheepishly, "as I said, I didn't like Narcissa much. She tended to whine all the time and to snitch on me to the adults. It took time, and above all James' and Remus' good influence to make me understand there were other responses to attack than revenge. But above all, I somehow instinctively hated Lucius, his sneaky behaviour that turned into bullying any time he had a chance. There was something particularly sinister about him and his cousin Rodolphus. I think that maybe, deep down, I was afraid of them".
And you tend to antagonize whatever it is that you should fear, instead of acknowledging the feeling and the need to be cautious, thought Hermione, sighing inwardly.I'm afraid you didn't change much on that matter. "
"You were much luckier than you deserved", she said out loud. "So, no interview with Narcissa. What do you suggest, Andromeda ?"
"Lavinia likes Narcissa. Maybe what brought them together is the fact that they were both bullied by a sister all their lives. But she likes me too, because I helped her, years ago, to keep her rights to the family estate, as Druella was hell-bent on keeping the house all for herself. Anyway, she visits Narcissa every saturday for tea. I can manage to come as well, pretending I want to talk about our strategy for the divorce. I'll have to find a way to stay alone for a while with Lavinia, and to try to convince her to let you visit her when Druella is not at home. Maybe through the fireplace, it would be the most discreet way".
Sirius nodded approvingly. "That's a good plan. Thank you, Andromeda. But e careful. I don't want Druella and the others to find out that you had any part in all that".
"Rubish !" I'm a Black too and I want to destroy our family's criminal network as much as you do. Besides, you should try to take your own advice more often.