Disclaimer: I own nothing here, apart from The twisted plot and the fact I keep calling Malfoy Bernard (Mr Malfoy is really called Bazil, btw)
I don't own the songs, or the people, I don't even own this paperclip, its my mothers.
I did put the names of the characters underlined and the stage directions in Italics, but it wont come up like I wanted it to, just know I did make the effort.
Thank you for reading.
Once upon a time, in the old land of Scotland a girl got bored. Really bored. In fact so bored was she that she began to write this, Harry potter and the Philosophers saxophone: The Musical! Comedy type thing
(Drum roll)
Elendor:Ladies and gentlemen…
In no particular order!
The cast!
First up, everyone favourite evildoer, Draco Malfoy!
(The introduction is suddenly interrupted by a horde of screaming fan girls…until Elendor shots them)
NO ONE, BUT NO ONE, INTERRUPTS ME WHEN I'M ABOUT TO SING!
Right!
(Cherry lips by garbage starts to play)
With your cherry lips and golden curls
You could make grown men gasp
When you'd go walking past them
In your hot pants and high heels
Malfoy, butting in: they could not believe
That such a body was for real! thinking Hey, I don't do drag!
Elendor: AHEM! It seemed like rainbows would appear
Whenever you came near the clouds would disappear
Because you looked just like a girl
Malfoy: I resent that!
Elendor: shutupyourspoilingmysong you're baby blues would flash
and suddenly a spell was cast
You're such a delicate boy…
Draco: grrrrrrr
Oooh kaaaay we'll stop that there before Drakes gets nasty
PUT YOUR HANDS TOGETHER FOR…HARRY POTTER!
(The fan girl zombies try to claw at him, before Elendor gets really pissed of and chops them into tiny pieces with a handy axe)
That's enough of that!
(Wild thing by The Troggs starts to play)
WILD THING!
YOU MAKE MY HEART SING!
YOU MAKE EVERYTHING!
Harry: groovy…
Draco: swoon!
ANNNNNND HERMIONE!
Hermione: look is this really necessary?
Elendor: huh?
Hermione: Can we just skip this part; you've all ready got me singing in later chapters.
Elendor: Ummmm, ok!
Hermione: thank you
Right, come on people, we need to get through this introduction!
NEXT UP, Ron!
(Music from the cleaning up scene in 'Anne' starts up)
IT'S A HARD KNOCK LIFE FOR US
IT'S A HARD KNOCK LIFE FOR US
'STEAD OF BROOMSTICKS, WE GET GNOMES
'STEAD OF MANSIONS, THIRD RATE HOMES
IT'S A HARD KNOCK LIFE!
Ron: that's my song? They aren't even the right lyrics!
Elendor: hey I'm running out of ideas! And I had to improvise to fit in with the fic!
Ron: humph!
AND DUMBLEDORE!
(Without Me by Eminem starts up)
Well this looks like a job for me
So everybody just follow me
Coz we need a little controversy
Coz it be so empty without me
Dumbledore: BREAK IT DOWN! (Starts insane break dancing on his head no old man should be able to do)
Snape: cough
Elendor sigh oh, and Snape
Crickets chirpSnape: hey! Come on!
Elendor: oh, alright
emotionless voice
like a bat out of hell he'll be gone before the mornig comes.
Snape: blank expressionless face yay
Right, that's it, there are other Characters as well but I'm bored now, on reader, to the first scene.
Don't know how to get there eh? Well, drag your mouse arrow down to the bottom Right hand corner of the screen, that's it! No, no, up a bit, that's your computers clock… no, the purple button with the arrow on it, there you go! And click…!