Disclaimer: I own them! I own all of them! AAH! (Is bonked on the head by Legolas, Aragorn, and Gimli, who put up a sign that says SHE DOES NOT. AND SHE IS SORRY FOR THE RIDICULOUSLY SHORT CHAPTER.)

"Okay, I spy with my little eye-"

"A tree?"

"DAMN, YOU'RE GOOD AT THIS!"

"Oh, my god, Liana. Silly English knnnigget! Your mother was a hamster, and your father smelt of elderberries!"

"What a strange person... we search for a Holy Grail! If your king would like to help us-"

"No thanks! We've already got one! (snicker) I told 'em we've already got one!"

"You guys are so weird."

"Why, thank you, dearest friend of tacky gilded picture frames!"

Rodney and I were bored our of our minds as I limped and everyone else walked through Fangorn Forest, and playing I Spy and reciting lines from Monty Python and the Holy Grail was not un-boring us. I decided I had to do something to make everyone fear for their lives.

I put my finger to my mouth in a shushing motion to anyone who looked at me, and sidled up to Legolas, whose back was to me. Almost bursting into giggles, I took a breath, and-

"LEGGYYYYYYYYYYYY!"

"Hello, Liana."

I deflated. "Damn you. How'd you know I was there?"

"I am an elf," he replied, as if that explained everything.

"Ooh, well, TERRIBLY sorry, Prince I'm-So-Beautiful-And-My-Long-Golden-Locks-Flow-In-The-Wind."

"Tell me, have I ever said that?"

"No."

"Then why do you call me that?"

"No."

"What?"

"No."

"Liana, what are you saying no to?"

"No."

He then got a look on this face that said I'm Gonna Outsmart Her. "Are you intelligent, Liana?"

"Yep!"

He growled and went to the back of the group, leaving me with Aragorn, who was being boring so I went to talk with Saria and Raina.

"Anyone know the date?"

"Nope," they both replied.

"Crap."

"Aragorn, nad no ennas," said Legolas suddenly.

"Man cenich?"

"The White Wizard approaches."

"Everyone get ready to jump out from behind the couch and yell SURPRI-" Aragorn clamped his hand over my mouth.

"Shh! Do not let him speak, he will put a spell on us," said Mr. Stinky Ranger Dude With Hands That Taste Really Bad. And I know this because I bit him, but he didn't even hiss in pain or anything, he just let me go. I grabbed Bloodsnow, because I wanted to be included in the tense, suspenseful moment that was going on, even though I was tempted to yell something random. I looked over at Saria, and I knew that she was too. Raina was looking curious, as if she'd forgotten this part of it, Antony nervous, Rodney relaxed, and Molly and Stimpy bored. I started humming tunelessly under my breath, and then came the moment we'd all been waiting for.

We turned around to "fight," but he screwed up our weapons and everything, and then we stood there, holding nothing.

"You are tracking the footsteps of two young hobbits."

"Congrats, you win a brand new twig," I said, gesturing at the many twigs on the ground.

"Where are they?" demanded Aragorn.

"They passed this way, the day before yesterday. They met someone they did not expect. Does that comfort you?"

"Who are you?" said Aragorn quietly, then raised his voice. "Show yourself!"

And it was Gandalf.

"GANDYYYYY!" I screamed, going up and hugging him. Then I fell back. Everyone else was looking seriously disturbed. "What?"

"It cannot be!" exclaimed Aragorn as Legolas bowed. Hah. Idiot. "You fell!"

Blah blah blah blaaaaaahh. Point is, Gandalf's alive and there was a really sexy shot of Legolas in this part of the movie. Onto better things.

"One stage of your journey is over, another begins," said Gandalf as we exited the forest. "War has come to Rohan. We must ride to Edoras with all speed." He whistled, and Shadowfax came over in slow motion. Somehow, Tumbleweed, Voc, Arod, and Hasufel reappeared as well, and we all climbed onto them.

"Wait, I don't want to ride with Liana if we're galloping!" groaned Antony.

So Antony rode with Legolas, and I got to ride with Gimli. Whoop-de-friggin'-doo. For some reason, Tumbleweed was getting antsy as Gimli climbed up.

"Hang on," I advised him, and Tumbleweed began to gallop.

"I hate horses," Gimli muttered.

"Tummy?" I asked the horse quietly so dwarf boy couldn't hear me. "Did you hear Gimlikins? He hates you! When we get to Edoras you should bite him."

"Liana, do you honestly think the horse can understand you?" asked Stimpy.

"Well, that sounds stupid, coming from a TALKING CAT!" I steered Tumbleweed over to Rodney and Aragorn. "Hey, Rodney, do you like riding with Aragorn? Cuz I have noseplugs if ya need them."

Aragorn glared at me, and I grinned angelically. "Okay, okay, I lied, I don't have any noseplugs. I sowwy, Arrie. You know I love you."

"You disturb me," said Rodney frankly.

"Yes. Yes, I do." I grinned and turned Tumbleweed around so we were trotting to the back of the group, where Raina wasn't over exerting Voc at all. In fact, the horse was just barely trotting. "Hey y'all."

"I miss Allie and Haley and Chloe and Max," she said. Those are her cats.

"Aww, I'm sure they miss you too, Raina," I said, leaning over to give her a hug and falling off Tumbleweed. "OW, FUCK!"

Everyone who is not me, INCLUDING THE HORSES, started laughing as I stood up. My ass hurt.

"Gim-Gim, help me back onto the horse," I grumbled to the guffawing dwarf. He stuck out his hand with obvious reluctance and I sort of walked up Tumbleweed's side, since I was a hobbit. Damn it. "People suck," I said out loud.

"I quite agree," said Stimpy. He carefully pawed his way next to me and dug through my messenger bag. I talked obsessively to Tumbleweed, and annoyed Gimlikins to no end. And then when Tumbleweed tuned me out, I decided to annoy other people. I rode up to Legolas and Antony.

"Having fun riding with Leggy Muffin, Antony?" I asked him. "If you weren't such a shitty rider, I'd switch places with you, but you're as bad as Gimlikins."

"Please, Liana, I would rather have wooden spoons driven into my eyes," said Legolas.

"I can arrange that," I said cheerfully. He glared at me and Antony laughed. "Well, fare thee well, Leggy Muffin, for I feel the need to skip ahead to our entrance into Edoras!"

So I did.

"Edoras and the Golden Hall of Meduseld," said Gandalf. "There dwells Théoden, King of Rohan, whose mind is overthrown. Saruman's hold over King Théoden is now very strong."

"OHMYGAWSH, LOOKIT THE CUTE ICKLE COTTAGES, RAINA!" I squealed, causing Tumbleweed to bolt. "ERLACK! NO, STUPID! STOP RUNNING! AAAAAAAAAAIIIIIEEEE!" Behind me, Gimli was yelling as well. "WHOA, TUMMY, WHOOOOA!" But the crazed horse wouldn't stop. "CITIZENS OF EDORAS! DO NOT BE ALARMED, FOR THE ALMIGHTY MARSUPIAL QUEEN'S IDIOT HORSE IS JUST EXPERIENCING SOME TECHNICAL DIFFICULTIES AND WILL BE BACK ONLINE AS SOON AS OUR WEBMASTER ADDRESSES AND FIXES THIS PROBLEM!"

I really don't think they were alarmed so much as disturbed.

So, eventually, we made it to the big castle place, and Tumbleweed pranced nervously until the rest of the Possum Posse arrived.

"Can you please maintain some control over that animal?" groaned Legolas. "I've half a mind to make you ride with me!"

I gasped. "No, Mommy, I don't wanna go get my braces tightened! DADDY!" I threw my arms around Tumbleweed's neck. "DON'T LET HER TAKE ME TO THE ORTHODONTIST, DADDY!"

"You're going to make this idiot of a horse bolt again!" grumbled Gimli.

"No, Gim-Gim, he just doesn't like you," I said. "You should get off him."

With obvious relief, Gimli did, and Tumbleweed didn't take my advice and bite him, obviously because Gimlikins had ARMOR on. Damn it all to hell.

"I guess it's time to get off the horses?" said Rodney unnecessarily as we all began to dismount. I looked at him like he was stupid.

"Rodney... that would be a microwave."

We both started laughing and everyone else just looked confused.