Thanks to Angela. Yeah, running out of creative ways to say you are the absolute best!
Notes: I don't know if I'm sorry will cut it...but, ummm, you guys are still absolutely marvellous, no matter how much you might want to rip my head off.
Fractured
Dispirited, they were all dispirited. That would explain why he was witnessing this scene in stunned silence instead of interposing himself between the angered opponents.
"What the hell are we supposed to do? We're all injured, bleeding, hungry, thirsty and in general bad health! I can assure you, if I don't eat soon I am not going to be of much help!" Rodney was sitting on the floor, his head against the bed, bandaging his thigh.
"You have been extremely unhelpful for quite some time now." Teyla was on the opposite side, doing exactly the same.
Sheppard sat on the bed and watched Ronon tend to his own bleeding wound, all the while listening to the other members of his team, fighting. This was not normal banter, hadn't been for days. Teyla would never say such a thing were she in her right mind. This ordeal had been hard on them just as it had on him, but he wanted his team to retain their former closeness; he needed them to do so!
"Yes well…just you wait! You'll see how bad it can get. Want to see my body shut down, huh? Want me to fall into a coma!"
"I would like that very much. It would spare me the unpleasantness of putting up with you! Now please be quiet or I will not hesitate to harm you."
He was stunned. Had she just seriously threatened him? "What! You won't hesitate to harm me! What does that mean?"
"It means that, shall you continue speaking for any length of time, you will find that I am skilled in hand to hand combat."
"You're threatening me! I can't believe you're threatening me!"
"You would be wise to believe it Doctor McKay."
This was most definitely a good time for him to step in. John carefully levered himself off the bed. His temperature might've gone back to a normal 97F but the fever was a fresh memory to his feeble state. He came to stand, albeit unsteadily, arms crossed, at the foot of the bed. They had both finished with their task and were now struggling to get up, the pain in their thigh intensified by the movement. "Ok, everyone calm down. No one's threatening anyone."
"Yes! She is! She's threatening to hurt me with her Xena moves!"
"I am." It felt good to admit it, to lash out at someone. McKay had been impossibly trying the last few days; increasingly so, now that the force field had released them and he was feeling some discomfort. The facts were that they had all been shot, were hungry and thirsty. Ronon and herself had drank some water from the carafe that had been brought for Sheppard, forgot about the hunger and seen to their injury. Not Doctor McKay! Of course not! He couldn't be expected to suffer any of it in silence. If he was uncomfortable, everyone had to sympathise. Well! She'd had enough!
"See! Threatening me! Good idea there, Teyla! Think that Wraith gene is taking over? Feeling aggressive? Healing quickly? Have a need to feed?"
She hadn't realised she'd hit him until it was too late. The satisfaction she felt at making that infuriation smirk disappear was short lived. At once, the anger she had accumulated over the last few days, the strain it had been to deal with Ronon's silence, Rodney's rage and John's death, was forgotten. It left in its wake the weight of guilt, which was increased as Rodney's hand went up to his jaw and let out a small pitiful moan.
"You hit me…" It was only a whisper, as if he wasn't sure it had happened. No one had ever hit him like this before. Of course, with his charming personality, he hadn't been able to avoid the playground beatings, but he had never been hit by someone so close to him. He'd gone too far, he knew that, everyone in the room knew that, but, she'd hit him.
"What the hell is wrong with you guys?" John just couldn't believe it had gone so far! Physical violence! He knew Teyla had it in her, especially since the incident with Bates, but he couldn't believe she would harm any of them! Granted, Rodney had said terrible things, but if they were at the point where they would treat each other in such a way, what were the chances they would remain united to endure what was to come?
Teyla hung her head, ashamed. "I am sorry."
Wide blue eyes stared at him. Rodney seemed at a loss. "She hit me…"
"I am sorry, Rodney, I did not mean to harm you. I lost my patience. What you said was unfounded and deeply hurtful. You must know there is no greater insult than to be likened to a Wraith, yet you use it in a petty disagreement."
Rodney breathed in deeply, closing his eyes, obviously making an effort to quell the angry retort that was his reflex. He was truly sorry he had said it. He certainly didn't think such things of her and it seemed important to tell her so. Although, she had been just as hurtful over the last few days. He noted she'd called him Rodney again and not Doctor McKay. It only served to prove to him that she too could use dishonest tactics to gain an advantage. Using his name was simply a way to endear herself to him.
The room was silent for tense moments. John shifted his weight from one foot to the other, unwilling to step in again. If they could resolve this on their own, they would be closer to mending the chasm that had grown between them. It would ultimately be for the best.
Rodney turned toward the door and spoke quietly. "I know. I didn't mean it."
They were prevented from explaining themselves further by the appearance of Lokas and Mira, trailed by five guards.
"I see Mira has informed me correctly. The veil has lifted." Lokas stepped into the room, his air grave. "I have come for Mister Dex. My request to the High House, to be the one performing the severance, has been granted. We will proceed to the Sancta without delay." He turned to John, Teyla and Rodney. "You will be accompanied to the Ring."
Rising to his feet, Ronon moved quietly to the door, resigned to his faith. None of them were in any shape to fight the guards who had previously demonstrated how well they had been trained. They were completely powerless, a new feeling for them, for the team who always managed to escape, make it home in one piece. The high level of stress they had been subjected to had served to addle their minds; even Rodney couldn't have devised a clever plan, had there been hope.
Teyla stopped Ronon's progress and came to stand before him to perform the Athosian greeting. They stood, unmoving, for some time before Ronon stepped back and walked around her.
"Ronon." Rodney had no idea what he should say, so he remained silent, holding the runner's gaze. The horror of losing a friend again was too much to bear. Ronon seemed to understand, for he nodded before coming to stand beside Mira, without having uttered a word.
As a friend, John felt it was his duty to speak, to offer words of comfort. As team leader, he felt it important to protect Ronon by any means necessary. As a carrier, as an insignificant presence, he felt he should give this life in order to save another. "Lokas? Would it be possible for me to take his place?"
Surprised, Lokas paused a moment, considering his request. "Yes, it would. If you wish to do so. You are a carrier after all, it is appropriate."
"NO!" Rodney felt his world disintegrate. He couldn't tolerate the blinding pain that wormed its way through him and settled intent on staying until he woke; for this could only be a nightmare. John wouldn't do this. Hell no! Rodney wouldn't let him die, not now, not ever!
"Rodney…" John didn't look at the scientist certain that what he would see would only serve to aggrieve him. This life wasn't his so it seemed only fitting that he give it for Ronon. He spoke to Lakos. "We should go." He couldn't stay here with them, it would only sadden them. A large hand landed on his shoulder.
"It's my severance, Sheppard, it was my killing."
"Not anymore."
"You think I'll let you do this?"
"Got no choice. I'm the CO and I order you to go back home." He smiled because that's what he did, John Sheppard never dealt with anything; he smiled his life away.
A small, warmer hand was gently laid upon his arm. "This is an order we choose to disregard."
"You can't. It's final. Go home."
Lokas gestured to the guards who stepped forward and pointed their weapon at his team. John knew it would be difficult, they would refuse his choice, they wouldn't understand, but he needed to do it. He wouldn't be able to accept this life that wasn't meant for him and allow Ronon to be severed.
Foolishly, Ronon attempted to subdue the guards to facilitate an escape but he was efficiently outmanoeuvred, weakened by his injury and lack of energy. He found himself face down to the floor, a knee pressed to his back. He struggled as he saw feet move and heard Rodney's scream, but he was unable to dislodge the guard. He growled and bucked under the retraining weight but only managed to waste what little energy he had.
"Don't do this."
"I have to."
"No you don't! Don't die, John!"
It was not the plea but the use of his given name that made him turn back and look at the man who was so much more to him than a team-mate; his brother, his best friend. They all were, truth be told. He loved them so. "Rodney… You heard what Lokas said about the carriers, about the procedure. I'm nothing. I was just created to bring Banee's essence back, and now I will. I'll do what I was meant to do. I'm not even alive. Ronon has his whole life ahead."
"Yes you are! You're right here." Rodney laid both his hands on John's shoulders and shook him slightly. "You're alive. See, feel this, you feel this and I do too so you're clearly alive. You can't say otherwise! We found you, and now you want to leave us again! Don't…don't die. I won't. I can't let you do it…"
"I'm already dead." He pointed to his corpse, laying a few feet from them, already losing some of its rosy colour. "It'll be ok." It wouldn't be, not really. His team would be severed just like him, it already was. They wouldn't bounce back easily from this, he knew, but he had limited options available to him. At least he had lived enough to chose. He turned away, unable to bear the look upon Rodney's face; fearful, defeated, stricken. He usually worked to avoid these feelings in his favourite astrophysicist, but this time he was the cause. Nothing he could say would wipe the slate clean and bring back the arrogance.
Teyla stood on Rodney's right, her features wearing a similar expression. She couldn't say she understood, but how could she plead with him, choose him over Ronon. A double-edged sword; no matter who went, they would lose a precious being. Giving his life for them was something John viewed as a responsibility and he would not renege, he was a man of honour. "You are a gift to us all, John Sheppard." She stepped forward, to share in the Athosian greeting with John and, as with Ronon, they stood, unmoving for a long time.
When they parted, John said the only thing he could say. "It's my job…"
"NO! No it's not!" Rodney gripped the front of John's shirt fiercely; the blue of his eyes drowning in regret.
"It is, you know it is. Take care of each other, ok? Don't fight anymore, you have to stick together." He gently removed the clutching fingers and stepped away toward the door. "Let's go. Can't wait all day." If his voice broke on the words and his step faltered once more when Rodney let out a vicious curse, there was no one to notice, he had already left.
"Mira, accompany them and the guards to the Ring. Jusyta, please take the body and bring it with you, I shall bury it in memory of Oblee's sorrow."
Ronon struggled against the guards that had brought him to his feet and were holding him between them. They couldn't leave Sheppard's body here! His body! Another one! He would die again! How could they let this happen! Ronon fought to free himself, but a guard landed a powerful blow on the back of his head and he slumped forward, barely conscious.
Lokas stood at the door and watched them. Mister Dex, usually defiant with barely controlled rage, now hung limply between his guards, Miss Emmagan at his side, attempting to evaluate his state. Doctor McKay stood rigidly, wet eyes fixed on the door throughout which Colonel Sheppard had disappeared. Lokas nodded to Mira and left the room, motioning for Jusyta to follow, carrying the cadaver of a man who would leave them with another before the day was through.