Notes: Apologies for the delay! Only one chapter left! Thank you for reading and commenting :)

Rectitude

"Hey…" John stepped carefully in the quiet, darkened lab. "Back on duty?"

"No." Rodney answered glumly, not even attempting the pretence of diligent work. It was time for Sheppard and him to talk. That man was nothing if not persistent and Rodney found he couldn't begrudge him his almost-death anymore. He was still wary of allowing any of his team too close, knowing far too well how much it would hurt were they to leave him, but he could be civilised. Of course, the fact that his appointments with Heightmeyer would probably stop if he got past what she viewed as his "fear of meaningful social connections" was weighing heavily in the balance.

"Ah, then, what are you doing here?" John came further in the room, encouraged by Rodney's apparent acceptance of his presence. He'd found himself in this part of the city on a fluke. He'd been wandering aimlessly, furious at himself for his introspective tendencies. He'd mostly put the doubts to rest but they crept up on him once in a while. He was not prone to be overly emotional or self-aware so it was easy to shut it all out, but tonight he hadn't been able to sleep. Memories of Oblee, of what she'd said about them, of their purpose as carriers, of their deaths, had flooded him and he'd needed to get out of his room, to occupy his time. He supposed his feet knew the way to McKay's lab by now, so often had he come here to pull the man out so he'd sleep before a mission, to check up on him before going to bed or simply be bothersome.

"Working."

"Empty labs, no one to kick you out, huh?"

"Yeah…" Rodney's sigh spoke volumes. Ten days of light duty was too much. Of course, Carson hadn't been true to his word. He'd said three! Rodney disregarded the fact that's he'd been caught working on a smuggled laptop at the end of the third day and had been subjected to a rant to end all rants. He'd hardly understood a word, the Scot's accent thickening as he scolded him severely for what was supposedly a blatant disregard for his health. He'd been taken completely off-duty for another three days, threatened with a one-way ticket to the mainland and finally, finally, after many truly traumatic days where he'd had zilch to occupy his time, had been allowed a few hours in the lab. Though, to his great horror, it had worked. He did feel much better: rested, relaxed and in control.

These late night excursions were best left unmentioned. Apparently, Carson's influence didn't stretch to spies at three o'clock in the morning. Only Sheppard would be around at this time, the man was on a permanent sugar high.

"Working on anything interesting?"

"Everything I work on is interesting!"

"Ok, working on anything I might care about?"

The slumping shoulders and pouting mouth were answers enough. "No…just…puttering…"

"Puttering?" John didn't attempt to hide his grin. Interesting choice of word and certainly not something Rodney ever did. He was always on some quest, his thirst for information unquenchable.

A long, painful sigh came before words, this was a night for extreme discontent. "I'm locked out of almost every system."

"Smart guy like you should be able to get in."

"Of course I can get in!" Rodney glared at a smirking Sheppard. "I just…they'll know and tell Carson…"

"The hand of Medicine Man is far reaching."

"No kidding."

Silence intruded rudely upon the conversation. Rodney rested his elbow on his desk and laid his chin on an outstretched hand. Sheppard drew closer, leaning back against the same desk. It felt…normal.

Unfortunately, it wasn't, not quite. The players were there but the rules had changed. "You're not leaving the team are you?" A cautious question, spoken timidly, so unlike John's usual straightforward manner.

Rodney's eyes dropped to the metallic glimmer of his workstation, fascinated with its shiny appearance. He frowned, noticing the fingerprints, the smudges. His desk was filthy and this was absolutely not the time for such contemplation. He's just set Miko to the task in the morning. Returning his considerable intellect to the matter at hand, he answered quite eloquently. "I don't know."

"Don't." It was all there in the quietly spoken word; a plea, a demand, vulnerable in its tone yet unyielding in its nature.

"It's too…I wasn't…" He took in a deep breath, straightened up and the defensive walls fell into place. He could be civil, didn't mean sentimentality had to be involved. "Look, can we not do this? I'll stay on the team, I'm obviously its most qualified member, and if I leave it up to anyone else, we'll never get a ZedPM or any type of weapons against the Wraith. So, there you go, Colonel, team's intact, you can resume your tactical planning and whatnot."

"Come on, McKay, you and I both know it's not that easy."

"It is if we want it to!"

"Rodney…" Brace yourself, John's mind advised noting the hackles rising on its opponent, you're in for a bumpy ride.

"What! What? What now, eh? What's this Rodney for? What have I done!" He didn't like this, not at all. He didn't like uncertainties, not when they did not pertain to his work, his beloved science. Did John really expect him to explain it? To say that he wanted to be liked and it made him hate his many inadequacies when the thought crossed his mind? To say that, yes, being a part of John Sheppard's team was something which brought his ego to new heights? He loved it so much, he was prepared to give it up so he could hold on to the splendid memories without ruining them because he had lesser social skills than an orang-utan. He would give it up before it had the chance to be taken away.

"We're still friends, right?" Sheppard spoke quietly. "With all this business, of essence and…" He sighed.

This was worse than Rodney had expected and so much better at the same time. What was he supposed to say when faced with such openness? He had to find something scathing quickly, before he blurted out his innermost thoughts. His self-preservation screamed out for censorship. "Have you lost your teddy? Do you want me to tuck you in for the night? Have you suddenly regressed to a prepubescent stage? Granted, you never got that far in your maturing process but still…you're suddenly ten years old?" It wasn't important, it didn't matter that the look and sound of Colonel Sheppard at that exact moment made him want to forget all that had happened, he wouldn't allow this man to intrude upon his life anymore. Rodney didn't need people, he didn't even like people!

"Feels like it when you're around." Ah, Rodney, of the betraying blue eyes. They widened in surprise, softened in understanding before the scowl settled. He was so readable, John was immediately heartened.

"Thank you so much, Sheppard! You can go now, I've been sufficiently insulted for the night!"

"Jeeeez Rodney, will you calm down! I mean…you know…" He shrugged. Planning to speak was all well and good, but if you couldn't find the proper words it was useless.

"No, Colonel, I don't know what goes on in that small, evidently overworked brain of yours. Seems basic motor functions leave little cerebral capacity for thought process and other useful cognisant undertakings, per example clear speech?"

John waited a beat, trying to find a suitable answer but decided this was a time for truth. To hell with pride, he'd plough through Rodney's defences with extreme prejudice. "You're a great guy, McKay. Fun, uncomplicated in your own way. You don't expect people to be what you want them to…except smarter but that's your genius curse. You're just Rodney and I'm just John and that's really great. I like being, just John. It's…what I mean is…being ten was fun and I wouldn't mind going back there sometimes. You bring that back and…it's been a rough couple of weeks. "

Rodney hadn't expected that. It hit him, hard, for he knew it to be true. They had fun together and life was just that little bit brighter in Atlantis, with all its wonders and wondrous people. He was a fool. John had gone through so much and he'd only added to his troubles. They were still friends and it was time Rodney acted like one.

"Rough…" A humourless laugh escaped him. "Yeah…I'd say that's an apt description for the past year or two."

"Yeah…sure been fun though."

They grinned at each other and fell silent, unwilling to let this moment escape in doubtful humour.

"Did you…I mean…are you…are you okay?" Cringing, Rodney nevertheless raised his eyes and observed Sheppard's profile. He was so horribly bad at this, but it was the thought behind the sentiment that counted, right? Sheppard would understand wouldn't he? Rodney hadn't meant to have his cephalic unit so far up his execratory opening.

"Sure…what about you?" He turned and leaned his hip against the desk, watching Rodney's hands wring themselves.

"Oh yeah, I'm fine…perfect…"

"What about, that thing…Teyla said you..." He motioned from Rodney to himself. "Are we…is there a problem?" John hadn't missed Rodney's complete avoidance of the question. He hadn't answered, not really, and this was something John needed to know. He wanted to ascertain that the part of his life that held McKay, Teyla and Ronon was intact because it was them that had kept him going, it was them that would help him through this, even if they didn't know it.

"No…no no no…it's fine, really, it's fine…Carson said he expected me to breakdown sooner or later, which is not exactly reassuring, you'd think he would've said something instead of letting me put myself at risk like that!" It wasn't fine but he could say it was, pretend it was for the sake of friendship, couldn't he? Damn Sheppard, always worming his way back into Rodney's good graces, charming him into acceptance.

"He did say something, but he probably could've mentioned it more…bringing up your eating, sleeping, working habits every time he saw you must've been too subtle!" His smile came and went quickly. "I'm sorry if I was...if I made things worst."

"You didn't. I did it to myself, I'm the King of delusions." Aren't you just, Rodney McKay's brain had the gall to taunt him, thinking you could avoid them all and they'd listen. Thinking you hated him when in fact all you did was miss him, miss him so much it hurt. You like these people McKay, get used to it!

"Ummmm, I'd noticed."

"Yeah…I guess you had…" Rodney's eyes wandered over Sheppard's form and a sly grin spread across his features. "I see you've passed the 'dressing yourself' stage of your development…"

Ignoring the flush he felt rising, John concentrated on keeping McKay's mind occupied, away from potentially embarrassing topics. "Yeah, but I don't really feel it. It's warm and there's a bit of weight but I can't feel the fabric at all. It's sort of…floating on top of the force field."

"Really? That's interesting! See, I've got this theory about it that could be of use with my thoughts on…"

John smiled and nodded, letting himself fall headfirst into the crazy world McKay inhabited. This was a tentative peace but they'd work on it, work on trusting each other again, erasing hurtful words and thoughtless actions. This was surely a step toward a new understanding, an open relationship that would prevent fissures from forming between them.

They'd be united once again and that was something he could believe in.