Thanks for bearing with me! Enjoy!

Chapter 14

Old Memories

Lucilla sat in the dark for a short while. She allowed her mind to wander back to the childhood days when it seemed that her only duty was to be a child and enjoy the life her parents had given her.

The Roman's thoughts drifted to a bright summer afternoon in July. She was nearly seventeen at the time. As if the day was yesterday Lucilla could feel the warmth of the sun on her face and skin, the light yellow dress that laid delicately on her olive complexion. She was on the balcony of her room on her father's estate in Rome. Her view was that of the sea just beyond the city. The canvas that was perched before her was nearly finished. It was to be a gift for her mother's upcoming birthday.

Taking up the paint brush yet again her view went black as a familiar pair of hands covered her eyes. "Guess who?" The masculine voice questioned.

"The little boy who used to steal my clothes as I was bathing," Lucilla's reply received a chuckle was the man removed his hands.

A tall Roman took the seat on the bench next to her. His dirty blond hair caught some of the rays of the sunlight. Looking into deep hazel eyes the two exchanged a passionate kiss, allowing the man afterwards to smile showing a set to pearl white teeth. He wore a white tunic underneath a military breast plate with thin black leggings and high soldier's boots.

"It's going well," he said acknowledging the painting.

"I must admit it's a work in progress, but I appreciate your flattery." Both smiled again.

"May I speak with you?"

"Of course, you never need to ask."

"Your birthday is next month correct?"

"As it is every other year," Lucilla chuckled; he was never one to forget a birthday.

"I was hoping you could accept an early gift." Lucilla nodded as he pulled out a seahorse pin. The white gold was outlined in small diamonds with a large sapphire as the eye. The mere sight of it took Lucilla's breath away.

"Ca- Cassius! It's stunning!" He laid the pin in her brunette hair; it made her look like a queen.

"Now you can't just wear this." Cassius began Lucilla giving him a questioning glare. "You need to answer a simple question for me." Lucilla continued to glare. "Lucilla, daughter of Senator Cassius, would you spend the rest of your life with a slightly goofy but honorable man?" Lucilla's eyes were wide, she hadn't expected this, and she was speechless. "I know I joke around probably too often but in all honesty I can't imagine my life with anyone else."

Standing up Lucilla tried to catch her breath and rationalize what Cassius was saying –to no avail. "Cassius… with all my heart: no." Her voice was no louder than a whisper. Cassius was now the one with wide eyes –he was sure she was going to accept.

"Lucilla, why?" He was able to stutter out.

"For the first part you're betrothed. What you and I have is wrong it never should have gone this far."

"But if I marry a Roman my father will be happier than me marrying some Princess of Illyrium. Lucilla, he wants me to marry you!" Cassius was trying to rationalize.

"Yes but Cassius… I've been trying to find ways to tell you this."

"Tell me what?" Cassius was becoming nervous.

"My father has begun looking at matches for me. We're too close to losing it all. The only hope for my family is for me to be married off."

"Then be married off to me! Get the best of both worlds. Lucilla I can help your father."

"Cassius," Lucilla sat down next to him, "you can only help us money wise but not with anything in regards to my father's reelection campaign. If you do rumors will spread like wildfire of you showing favoritism. Besides I don't think the people want you marrying a senator's daughter. The Princess is the better choice, and you know it." Lucilla was angry with herself. She didn't know if it was possible to care about someone as much as she loved Cassius but she knew she wasn't the right match.

"You don't love me?" Lucilla could see how heartbroken he was in his eyes.

"No, Cassius I do love you and it's because I love you I say no. Please forgive me."

Cassius was furious turning out the door he stopped. "Good-bye."

"Cassius? Cassius!" Lucilla yelled behind him but he never turned around. Lucilla sat down on the bench holding the seahorse pin in her hand and wept.

For the rest of the next few days Lucilla kept to herself. Thanks to the gossip of Rome half of the empire already knew that Cassius's proposal was refused. Her parents were fielding hundred of people trying to speak to Lucilla, until a messenger came and was escorted to Lucilla, who was once again sitting on her balcony peering to the sea. The painting was covered in a white sheet.

"Lady Lucilla?" Lucilla turned around to meet the man, he handed her the scroll wrapped in the green ribbon. Turning around he left the room.

Opening the letter it merely said this:

We need to talk. Meet me at Palatine Hill an hour after sundown.

As nightfall fell on Rome Lucilla covered her body in a deep blue cloak with the hood covering her famous face and made her way to the 70 meter high imperial residence. Cassius was waiting in the dimly lit courtyard.

Lucilla walked up behind him, a bit startled he turned to the exquisite beauty. "What is it?" Her eyes were peering into his soul. The stare he usually admired now made him recoil.

"My father has told Claudius I will marry Alexia. I marry after the next full moon." His eyes fell to the ground.

Lucilla laid her hand on his arm he quickly moved out of her grasp. She gazed into his eyes. "It's all right Cassius. It's all right. I knew this was going to happen. Alexia is better for you, you will see that when you become Caesar."

"It doesn't change the fact that when I become Caesar I still wish you at my side. Lucilla we could make Rome beautiful again."

Shaking her head Lucilla said, "It is not my place." Opening her hand she made visible the seahorse pin Cassius had given her the day before. "This belongs to you. I can't accept it."

"Yes you can." Cassius closed her hand around the pin. "It was a gift… I want you to keep it." Looking into her eyes he added, "Farewell my beautiful Lucilla. Farewell."

With tears in both of their eyes they turned their backs on one another and walked away from on another just as the moon became full in the pitch black sky.

As black as the sky was that night Lucilla's heart was just as black as she sat in the dark tent. With every moment her heart sank further into her chest as she sealed off her heart for good. No more would she allow her heart to be opened to someone then have them ripped from her. She was making that vow right now… she would not allow hear heart anymore heartbreak.

The tent flap opened and in walked a woman. Her jet black hair was pulled back into a thick braid. It lay haphazardly on her back, the pale skin contrasting drastically with her cherry red lips. She wore a thin sea green dress but was covered in a thick fur cloak, yet on her arm and legs were visible fhain marks.

She began to speak in the British tongue but after realizing Lucilla didn't understand she began to speak in the common tongue. "I am Guinevere, sister to the lord Custennin. He has given me the duty to clean you up in order for him to see what has been given to him."

Guinevere began to brush Lucilla's hair but her hand was quickly swatted away. "If your brother wants to see his new possession he will see me the way I am now. The way I have been allowed to live for however long I have been kept down in this uncivilized hell hole." Lucilla was quick to snap.

"He wants to see you cleaned up." Guinevere added just as quickly.

"Personally I don't care what he wants. He'll get what I'll give him."

"You'll give him what he asks for." They were beginning to raise their voices.

"He could ask for the Colessum but all he'll get from me is a pile of rocks. I will not give your brother a thing he asks for."

"He will not be happy with you."

"It's my day for pleasing people." Lucilla sarcastically replied.

"If you will not take my help then you will see Custennin now." Standing up she motioned for Lucilla to join her.

They walked through the camp, Lucilla's hands still tied behind her back but her legs were free. The entire camp seemed to be staring at the Roman she kept her head high and only looked straight ahead. Making their way to the largest of the camp tents Guinevere entered before Lucilla.

It took her a few moments to adjust her eyes to the dark light. At first she thought she was alone but looking again the room was jammed packed with people. Most were men near the front of the tent where a large seat was erected, a throne most likely. Near the back where they entered were some women, most likely higher class women.

The tent seemed to have a cozy feel to it. The fur rugs on the floor allowed Lucilla to walk bare foot but not have her feet freeze. There were some large tables, with all of their benches filled with men and some mead along with dozens of torches lighting the tent. All eyes were on the two women and the escorts as they entered.

Guinevere took her spot next to the 'throne' along with Murig. Sitting on the large chair sat a man with jet black hair and with the fhain marks on his body much more numerous than Guinevere's or Murig's.

"Lady Lucilla it is an absolute honor to finally meet your acquaintance." He stood up meeting Lucilla's gaze.

"I'm sure it is." She was quiet.

"I am Custennin, Lord of the Eastern Realms." Lucilla kept her face vacant. "I am a bit taken back that you did not take the time given to clean yourself up. I assumed a Roman would want to look her best."

"Oh really? Am I not the same woman I would be if I were cleaned up? Or do you only want to see me if I'm cleaned up?" Without giving Custennin a moment to reply she continued. "Well I must say that if you wanted me cleaned up you should have treated me a bit better and kept me in a place that was not a hell hole. If you had civilized facilities I would be looking better."

Not being deterred by Lucilla's comment Custennin turned to his people. "Even looking the way you do, you look more beautiful then most British women."

No longer wanting to be playing any games Lucilla cut right to the chase. "I know full well what Marcus has promised you." She looked to Murig who was looking deep into her eyes. "If you allow him to become Caesar you will all die. Not by the hands of Romans but by the hands of the barbarians Rome has kept out of this country. I'm not a Briton but I do care about Britain."

"Pah! A Roman who truly cares about us? Unlikely, my Lady." Custennin chuckled. "Do not worry about our affairs." He sat back down in his chair.

"Of course not. So what should I be worrying about? The fact that right now Caesar himself is expecting me in Rome, or perhaps the seven Sarmatian knights that will find me here and kill you all."

"The knights will not find us."

"I wouldn't be so sure." There was a collective gasp throughout the tent as Lucilla made the comment.

"Why do you say that?" Custennin grew angry.

"No reason." Lucilla was quick to respond.

"Leave us! Murig, Guinevere stay here." All did as they were bid. The room quickly emptied leaving the three in a large empty tent. "You have some spirit I'm glad it wasn't wasted all on one day."

"What are you talking about?" Lucilla wondered out loud.

Without responding Custennin opened his hand revealing the diamond encrusted seahorse pin. Trying to grab it from his hand he quickly closed it. "That belongs to me." Lucilla's voice was stern but not loud.

"You put it through my hand. Therefore I believe it belongs to me." Custennin smiled, it seemed as if he wanted to get a rise out of the Roman.

"But it has no value to you! It means a great deal to me." Lucilla pleaded. It seemed the Murig was going to step in but Custennin raised his hand.

"You'll get it back after you marry me."

"I'll steal it before I marry you. Marcus may have promised me to you but the choice to marry you is mine alone. And I simply will not do it."

"You need to marry me."

"Oh really and why is that?"

"Because I know a Roman heart. You feel you have an obligation to your family –"

"Marcus is not my family; my obligation to Rome is finished."

"But now you feel an obligation to perhaps protect the knights."

Looking at him direct in the eyes Lucilla said, "I demand you release me."

"You are my possession."

"I am no man's possession." Lucilla coldly told the Lord of the Eastern Realms. Her voice was strong but her heart was falling into pieces.

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