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Chapter 17

Dreaded News

The knights took a deep breath in as they watched Lucilla approach. She was wearing the torn blue gown but Caesar had given her his Imperial purple cloak she looked like a queen of another world.

"I would like to thank you for all of your help. I apologize that I was not able to thank you earlier but I must obey my emperor."

They only nodded. Each was wondering what she had come over to tell them, they knew something was bothering her. "What's wrong?" Tristan asked his voice was quiet and reserved.

She took a seat near the fire with the rest of the knights; they weren't worried someone would see her being so casual, they were all asleep. "The day the caravan was attacked Bedwyr was killed by a Woad arrow. He died in my arms." She didn't know how to say it so she just said it bluntly. Each man shook their head imagining what they would do if they ever found out which Woad had done it. "Sir Cai and I were taken to the Woad camp where we found that Marcus had betrayed us. He had ordered Murig to become a spy. When I last saw Cai he was killed by Marcus's sword blade."

Arthur's eyes became enraged with hate. "That bastard," Bors shouted. "He has the audacity to come to us and order to do his duty when he goes and orders the murder of his own soldiers. Is this what they teach you in Rome!"

"I wish I could say something to—" Lucilla began.

"There is absolutely nothing you could say to change a damn thing!" Bors continued on. He stood up shouting at Lucilla until he saw the despair in her eyes. He turned away walking towards the tethered horses, Dagonet followed to calm his friend down.

The rest were silently staring at one another, each felt the same way Bors did but were able to keep their mouths shut. Finally Lucilla stood up, "My apologies once again. I understand there are no words to take away the pain you feel but I want you know my thoughts and condolences are upon you all." Saying that she turned around and walked back to Caesar's tent.

"I knew Marcus was a Roman rat but I didn't know how low he crawled." Gawain said his eyes never left the fire glowing before him.

"I knew something was wrong with him the second he entered the Wall," Galahad said in a hushed voice.

"And yet none of us did anything about it, we allowed him to control us and order us around Britain and look where it got us?" Lancelot was trying to say without his voice breaking. "Two of our brothers lay fallen in the blue dirt and we don't even have bodies to bury at the mound."

"They wouldn't want to be buried there." Tristan said he eyes were looking to Caesar's tent. "This is the way they wanted to die." Lancelot, Gawain, and Galahad glared at Tristan.

"They would want to die in battle instead of rotting away in some forsaken town in the middle of nowhere in Sarmatia." Arthur explained for the scout.

"They at least need a memorial service," Bors said as he walked up to the group once more with Dagonet at his side. He had calmed down considerably.

"They will certainly have one." Arthur said. The knights continued to peer into the fire as the sun rose over the horizon. None could sleep imagining what Bedwyr and Cai had gone through their last few moments alive on Earth.

The next day they entered the fortress of Hadrian's Wall. Lucilla still rode behind Caesar, the purple cloak flowing in the wind whipping behind her. The knights followed in turn through the main gates, Vanora and the children waited anxiously for their return.

Lucilla noticed the relief in her eyes when she saw Bors enter but it was changed to sadness when she realized that Bedwyr and Cai were not among the returning riders. She tried to give a warming smile to Lucilla but instead a tear trickled down her cheek.

Dismounting the horses Gaius approached Caesar and Lucilla. "Caesar… Lady Lucilla." Both nodded to Gaius allowing him to continue. "General Patrious's body is ready for transportation to Rome."

"Sir Gaius you will escort the body back to his family in Rome, when you are finished you will return to the barracks at Ostia."

"Yes my Lord." Gaius mounted his horse and left without even saying good-bye to Lucilla, his eyes never left the ground. He was ashamed.

"Wait." Lucilla ordered Gaius, she turned to Caesar. "Marcus was my husband and I have an obligation to go the funeral, at least being present."

"No Lucilla, you have no obligation. He tried to have you killed that tells me how low your marriage had fallen. All vows made are now null and void. You will not go to the funeral." Caesar turned to Gaius who was unsure what to do. "Leave." Gaius nodded and urged his horse towards the gates.

Lucilla was angry and it was obvious in her facial expression. She walked into Marcus's old study, once again Arthur's, and motioned for Caesar to follow.

"What are you doing?" Lucilla asked him causally once the door was closed.

"Lucilla, you have no obligation to the Patrious name. And I will not have you sink low enough to go the funeral of the man who tried to have you killed."

"He didn't try to have me killed; he tried to have you killed!" Cassius seemed taken back by the statement. "Marcus wanted the floral crown; he wanted you killed so he could take it. As for me I was a bargaining chip." Lucilla went on to quickly explain what had gone on. "I need to go."

"No." Cassius didn't even think about it. "You are better than that."

"No I'm not." Lucilla told him. "I slept with another man during my marriage to Marcus and you know I need to be punished for it."

"Why?"

"Otherwise if Rome finds out there will be a break down in noble marriages. You know best of all how many times men will seek the company of other women but sooner or later women will do the same. Noble marriages will no longer function."

"This place changed Marcus and it changed you." He looked to the desk where Marcus had signed Lucilla away a little more than a month ago.

They stood in silence for a few moments unsure of what to do next. "I could leave Alexia." Cassius quietly said.

"What?"

"I could leave Alexia, say I died in Britain then me and you could have the life we always wanted." Lucilla peered into his eyes, he was serious.

"You can't leave Alexia, you're Caesar. If you renounced your throne who would take over? One of the senators? You know you can't do that!"

"Stop thinking about everyone else for second Lucilla. Think about yourself, your happiness."

"I can't be happy if others are suffering because of me."

"We could leave Rome never see it again. Become isolated in West, Egypt perhaps." Cassius touched her hand and looked into her eyes. "For the first time in years we could both be happy."

Lucilla gazed into the eyes of the man who five years ago she would have given her heart and soul to, but now she had second thoughts. "Rome needs you, they don't need me."

"I need you." Lucilla didn't know what to say. Their eyes stayed locked for the next few minutes in utter silence. The events of the past month were running through her mind. At first they started with the betrayal of Murig and Marcus but slowly her thoughts drifted to the scout who had saved her life. Cassius noticed.

"You don't need me, do you?"

"What?" Lucilla was pulled from her thoughts.

Cassius repeated what he said. "The scout, Tristan, is the one from the letter I understand that but what I don't understand is why he means so much to you. For our whole lives we've been friends and more, Lucilla yet, you live here for the better part of six months and your entire life changes."

"How can you say that!" Lucilla snapped at Caesar.

He stood there in shock, not sure what he said wrong.

"Telling me that we've spoken as good friends… Cassius we haven't. For two years we barely spoke, you were angry and me, my father, Marcus, your father and only Jesu knows who else. You don't know me. The way you treated me at my wedding told me that whatever we had was over and done and now you come here and tell me to go live with you? You want what you can't have."

"I understand that I shouldn't have been angry with you for those two years, I understand now that what you were doing was for the best. But at the same time Lucilla, I loved you… I still love you Lucilla."

"You have a son, Cassius!" He looked to the ground.

"You say you love me and that is fine but you have a son. You promised me that if you ever had a son you be different that your father and from what I've seen so far you are doing the same thing as your father. You are telling your son it is alright to give up because you don't like something and that running away is a good thing. Guess what Cassius? It's not! I will not allow you to run away from him, you will not abandon him."

"You think that's what I'm doing? Alexia could care less that she has a child. She spends most of her time at the Forum doing only Jesu knows what. Lucius would be happy to come stay with us. He'll adore you; you'll be a mother to him."

"I'm not his mother and I don't want to be. I want to have children of my own, not raising the son of another, who will grow up knowing I stole his father away."

"My heart was never hers, it was always yours."

"Mine has moved on Cassius." Lucilla turned towards the door. "Tristan has stolen my heart from you. Now you have to live with that, not me."

"The scout?" Lucilla nodded, "this is where your heart truly wants to be? You won't decide in six months that you'd be better off in Rome?"

"For the past month he's all I've thought about. I wanted to see him again more than anything, and when I thought I was going to marry the Woad all I could see was him." Cassius was trying to hold back his sadness. "Cassius, my heart will always love you, perhaps not in the same way you would like but it will love you. You asked me what would make me happy and I tell you now… Tristan."

"A pagan?" Cassius played.

"Don't start." Lucilla played in response.

They walked out of the study and held each other close. Cassius peered into her eyes. "I'll leave in a few days, make sure I get things running correctly here." Lucilla nodded, he and Lucilla shared a friendly kiss but to the scout watching it was anything but.

The rose in the scout's hand crumpled to the ground as rage filled his heart and mind.

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