I really like this chapter, I think it delves really well into the feelings of Tristan and the knights. Might need some tissues...
Chapter 22
Deeper than Grief
The knights had been on their way back to the fortress for the better part of a day. They had rested briefly for the night before taking up their mounts yet again. They were all getting anxious knowing this was their final year, final few months actually, as servants to the empire. They always spoke of what they were going to do afterwards and always changing it. But most knew they would never see each other again, a fact that hurt them dearly.
They came to a ridge that overlooked the milecastle they knew as home. Fear filled their hearts. Black smoke filled the sky, smoke as thick as the ale they had been consuming these past fourteen years. The smoke rolled through the air in large wisps that took frightening shapes.
Bors and Tristan were the first ones to come out of the shock and move into the petrified stage. Their families were inside the fort! It didn't take long for the other knights to follow their brothers into the keep but fear gripped them even harder when the passed through the gate. The gate, which was usually locked up tight with centurions standing above, was now pieces of wood littering the ground mixed in with blood of the centurions.
They had their weapons ready to fight but there was no else left to fight. The horses had problems running through the keep since they had been trained not to trample the bodies of the dead. But the dead were no more numerous than the crows and pigs. There bodies of centurions, Britons, men, women and even children that could not escape the wrath of the Saxons.
Seeing the dead villagers filled the knights with rage. These were innocent people, the knights never killed the innocent but seeing this made them understand they were dealing with barbarians. They were a different race, an inferior race that the knights were now vowing silently to destroy. They rode through the fort trying to find any of the women or children.
Riding into the familiar courtyard they found the iron gates broken down. There were bloody Saxons littering the ground with knife and spatha wounds but allow arrow piercing their thin armor. Tristan and Bors jumped off the horses as Jols appeared in the doorway.
"Dagonet, we need your axe!" He shouted. Dagonet jumped off the horse with his axe and the other knights dismounted following Jols into the storeroom.
"What's going on?" Bors questioned, fear evident in his voice.
"Vanora and the children are in here." Jols said as he turned toward the door. "Stand back!" he shouted. The muffed groans of the children inside were audible as the pushed their way to the back of the room so as not to get hit by the wood.
Dagonet took a few swings and the door was gone. The children ran into the knights arms as Vanora fell into Bors. Tristan looked around and found Penelope holding Anera. She walked over to him, "Where's Lucilla?" He questioned without sounds harsh.
Vanora answered. "She locked us in here."
"Wait, where is she?"
"She went out and started to fight." Jols said as he caught his breath.
"She what?" Galahad announced. He was just as shocked as the rest.
Jols nodded, "all of the Saxons with an arrow are her kills."
"There must be over thirty," Gawain said stunned.
"Where is she?" Tristan became annoyed he just wanted to know where she was.
"I don't know." As soon as the word 'don't' was out of Jols's mouth Tristan was gone. He walked with a fast pace looking at the ground fearing the worst. He began to call her name. The other knights made sure Vanora and the children were alright then they began the search for Lucilla as well.
They searched almost all day walking back and forth through the fortress. Centurions that had survived the siege were moving bodies towards the cemetery. They began to feel that perhaps she was taken, until finally someone shouted Tristan's name.
The knights raced over from every direction of the fort to the sound of the voice. They found Lancelot sitting beside Lucilla. She had been covered by the body of Saxon; his heart had been pierced by a dagger that no doubt Lucilla had put into him. Lancelot's knees were under her head and Dagonet and Arthur moved the Saxon off of her throwing him to the side. Tristan fell to his knees beside her.
The knights noticed that a few feet from Lucilla was the body of Murig. He had been struck many time with a few arrow and at least struck three times by a Saxon sword.
The knights moved away as Tristan got close to Lucilla. She was still breathing but it was shallow breaths. She wasn't going to stay with him long and he knew it. "Lucilla?" He asked holding back his feelings.
She opened her eyes looking into his. He looked into her deep blue eyes and fell in love all over again. "I tried," she tried to explain.
"You did wonderful." He said, trying to hold back his sadness. He could sense the knights watching.
"Anera?" Lucilla's voice was bearly audible.
"You saved her, along with Vanora and the children."
"Good." A tear fell down the side of Lucilla's face. The pain to be talking was harsh, she had a large wound near her ribcage, she was sure her lung was punctured and now collapsing.
"Don't leave me Lucilla. I can't live here without you." Tristan pleaded.
Lucilla smiled. "I'll always be with you here. But promise me something…" Lucilla knew her time was coming to a close. Tristan nodded, afraid if he said anything his voice would crack. "If something happens to you, promise me you'll send Anera to Cassius." Tristan was surprised to hear this. "I don't want her growing up here without you." Lucilla made sure she didn't include herself, realizing she would never be able to raise her daughter. Tristan didn't know what to say, "Promise…" Lucilla whispered.
"I promise. She'll go to Rome." Tristan couldn't contain himself he put his head to hers and wept.
"I love you," she whispered.
Before Tristan could reply through the tears Lucilla, Daughter of Senator Cassius, and Beauty of Rome and of Britannia was gone. Tristan silently wept as the other knights held their sorrow. Her death hit them all like a stake through the heart. Vanora came to stand behind Bors, the children being watched by a Centurion, began to weep outwardly on her lover's shoulder.
They stayed huddles around Lucilla for the better part of an hour with Tristan keeping his head on her face so as not to allow any of the knights to see him weep.
Jols finally came over and moved Murig's body over with the rest of the dead villagers; there would be massive burial ceremonies in the coming days as soon as they could identify the dead villagers. The dead Saxons would be put into a mass grave and burned so as not to spread disease.
Arthur left to begin making preparations for the upcoming ceremonies but the knights stayed with Tristan until he was able to get up. He didn't stand until late into the night. Vanora had left to check on the children. She had told Arthur, she didn't want to disturb Tristan that Anera could stay with her until Tristan was ready.
As Tristan stood he took Lucilla delicately holding her neck and picking up her legs he carried her body out of the fortress. Some of the knights began to follow him, but he turned around to speak to them.
His face was mostly hidden by his mane of black hair but it was obvious his eyes were swelled and his cheeks were crusty from tried tears. His expression showed a feeling that was deeper than grief. As if a part of him had died with her. "No." He told the knights not to follow him. As he ascended a hill into the forest bypassing the cemetery he grabbed a shovel and threw it over his shoulder.
The knight turned and made their way to their rooms. There was to be no drinking tonight just contemplation. They had lost someone that had brought a bit of light and sunshine to a dreary place. And now they were going to have bring up a child together, and one day have to explain to this child why they were not able to save her mother. The mere thought of having to tell Anera that make each of them feel as if they were going to heave.
Tristan trudged his way through the dark forest. The shovel was slung over her should alone with his long smooth sword and he carried Lucilla as any man would carry the woman they love. He found the spot he was looking for in the forest.
It was Lucilla's favorite spot. It was beneath a large Poplar tree, where the canopy was thinnest allowing the rays of the sun and moon to penetrate onto the ground. Where the ground lit up from the moon's ray was the spot Tristan began to dig. There was a small stream that he found and using a rag he wiped down Lucilla's face and hands. He made sure that the blood and dirt were gone and all was left was the face he had come to adore.
Delicately laying her in the grave he took a final look at her body. A year and a half ago he would have told anyone that the sheer idea of falling in love with a Roman was implausible. And now here he was burying the Senator's daughter that had come to love him. He began to pile the dirt in on top of her. When all was done he sat beside the grave.
He had taken off her favorite necklace, a thin sliver chain with a small emerald and laid his above the grave as a marker. Pushing the necklace into the soft ground he fell to his face and for the last time he swore he wept.
He wasn't sure how long he stayed there but he assumed all night since when he woke up the sun was shining on him. How could the sun be shining on a day filled with such despair and heartache? He questioned. He had hated the world before and for the briefest of moments life was tolerable, and now once again the world was his enemy. The only task left in life was to take care of his daughter.
He stood and looked at the grave once more, "Good-bye my love." He quietly said. Turing around he almost bumped into Hector. "What are you doing here?"
"I followed you." The boy boldly spoke.
"Obviously," the knight said. He was angry the boy had followed but to heartbroken to show it outwardly.
"Why didn't you bury her in the cemetery with the rest?"
"That's not what she wanted." Tristan knelt down to the boy and looked him in the eyes, "Don't let anyone find out where she is. I don't want people to come here." The boy nodded.
"Will you tell Anera?"
"When she is ready," Tristan said walking away.
He reached the fortress where the knights were trying to console him but he turned away and made his way toward Vanora. She knew what he wanted. Turing to Penelope who had the three month old Anera in her arms she handed the child to her father. He held her close and went to his chambers. He went to sulk in his sorrow, knowing that his daughter would never know her mother. Looking into the green eyes of his daughter he saw Lucilla, the woman he would always love.
Well? What did you think? biting fingernails Review please!