Chapter 2

When he walked into the precinct, he was shaking with nervousness. Would their partnership ever be the same?

He slowly walked through the doors of the precinct marked 'Special Victims Unit.' She was, of course, already there. She always arrived earlier than him. She was bent over her paperwork, her brow furrowed in concentration. God, she was so beautiful. He shook his head, as if to chase the thoughts from his head. He could not afford to be thinking like that. Not when he was married. But then again… would it matter anymore? After what had happened, if unfaithful thoughts filled his head… would it really matter?

He strode briskly towards his desk. He knew she had seen him. She knew he was there. She just chose not to acknowledge it. She was still laboriously bent over her paperwork, scribbling away. He knew that as dedicated to her work as she was, it wasn't the paperwork that kept her attention away from him.

He sighed and looked over the paperwork he had to do from the last case. There was quite a bit. He bent over the files and started writing.

He heard a door open, and he looked up. Cragen walked in and said, "Stabler, Benson, we have a new case." They both got up simultaneously. He felt happy that he could abandon all this paperwork for later, but then he panicked. If they had a case, he would have to talk to Olivia. He would have to confront her. He sighed. Olivia looked at him peculiarly.

"Where to, Cap?" he asked.

Cragen gave them an address – and then they were off.

They walked in silence towards the elevator. All the way towards the car, they were silent, both contemplating the past few days.

It had all started on Saturday…

It had been a long day. One of those days where the case really got to him, and he knew he couldn't bring it all home to Kathy and the kids. Olivia had offered him to go out and get a drink, but he had declined. He just needed to be alone. He headed out to a bar in a remote location, so he knew for a fact he wouldn't meet Fin or Liv or Munch or anyone he knew. He knew it was a bad idea to get drunk, but he needed the refuge. Afterwards he'd been drunk and had just stumbled out of there, he didn't know where to go. All thoughts of anything clear and sensible were wiped out of his head. He needed someone. A special someone. Liv. And even though he knew it was a bad idea, and that he would regret it later, he hailed a cab to Liv's place. When he arrived, it was one in the morning. She groggily answered the intercom, and he announced himself in a gruff voice. She sounded surprised, but she let him in. When he went to her door, she answered in nothing but a tank top and short-shorts. He looked her over, longing building in his lower stomach. She could see the raw desire in his eyes, and she was scared. She backed up against the wall and told him that he was drunk and that he should go. But he knew she wanted him. He knew. And that's when it all started…

"ELLIOT!" Olivia screamed. He snapped out of his trance.

"What is up with you? I've said your name at least 10 times!"

"Sorry Liv, I was just…thinking." She knew exactly what he was thinking about.

"We're at the car." She said quietly.

He walked towards the passenger side and opened the door for her. She looked surprised at this new, chivalrous side of him, but she sat down. He walked around to the other side and sat inside. He started to drive. He desperately wanted to hold her when he saw the sad, forlorn look in her eyes. But he refrained. Instead he chose to talk.

"Want to go grab a bite to eat?"

She looked at him, astonished. "Something to eat? El, it's only 9:00!"

"Yeah, but I'm hungry." He replied back. He didn't want her to know he was only going there so they could talk peacefully.

She shrugged. "Well…okay."

She was sure he wanted to talk. They needed to talk about this. And they couldn't talk while half his attention was on the road.

They pulled over at a small diner.

"You know this place?" Olivia asked.

"No, but it looks okay."

They walked inside and sat down at a booth. She ordered coffee and he ordered some coffee and a sandwich. The waitress brought both their orders, but he wasn't hungry, so they both sipped at their coffee.

He put his coffee down and wiped his mouth. "We need to talk about this, Liv." That was all it took to trigger the emotions in her.

"Talk about what, Elliot? WHAT? You're married, and we made a terrible mistake. What is there to talk about?"

He sighed and rubbed the bridge of his nose.

"Do you regret it?" he asked quietly.

"What?" she said, her voice lowering.

"I said; do you regret it?"

"Yes…no… I don't know. What do you expect me to say, Elliot? You're married!" she sighed and rubbed her forehead. She dropped her head to her hands.

She mumbled, "No, I don't regret it."

He shook his head. "I don't either."

Her head jerked up quickly. "You don't?"

"No, I don't."

"What are you going to say to Kathy?"

"I don't know, Liv, I really don't know." Her heart beat quicker when she heard him use the affectionate nickname.

"You'll have to say something. What did you say about…about the night that it happened?"

"I said that I had a tough case, so I worked until late. I told her I didn't want to wake her and possibly the kids up, so I slept in the crib."

"How are you going to deal with all these lies, Elliot? We'll have to lie to everyone, just because of one night! We can't tell anybody. Not Kathy, not Cragen, not ANYONE. And…and I hate that."

"Why do you hate it?"

"Elliot, you are LYING to your wife of 20 years! Don't you feel regret in doing that?"

"…Is that the only thing you hate?"

She struggled to control herself. She knew what she wanted to say…but couldn't. No, it's not the only thing she hated! She loved him so much…she had loved him for so long. She had wanted that night to happen for such a long time. She didn't know when, but at some point in the past 5 years, she had fallen in love with him. But he was married. He was off limits. So she settled for lesser men…men she always seemed to compare to Elliot. She was never in a decent relationship. And then he came along on Saturday…and everything changed. But he came to her drunk. He had no idea what was going on. He didn't realize what he had done until he woke up the next day in her bed. And the fact that he didn't know what he was doing hurt her. It hurt her like hell. She loves him so much, and he doesn't love her at all. She was an object – he used her. And now she was hurting. She wanted to say so much…but she knew she couldn't. It would ruin their whole relationship. She knew he didn't love her – wasn't it obvious? If he had loved her, he would leave Kathy for her. Leave Kathy for their love. But instead he chose to lie to her. What could she say?

"No, it's not the only thing I hate. I hate all the lies, all the deception we'll have to go through just to cover that one night up. But I also hate the fact that we'll never be the same again. Our partnership will always be different now. We'll never be the same ever again." Tears ran slowly down her face. She hung her head. "Never again…" she whispered.

"Liv," he said softly. He tilted her chin upwards. She looked with wet eyes at him. "Liv, we'll be fine. I promise." He pressed his lips lightly to hers. Her eyes widened slightly. He pulled back. "I'll always be there for you. Always."