#Vigilante family #Papa Hood #Legacy #Son of a vigilante #Neal Caffrey is the son of Jason Todd
#Neal Caffrey is the son of Red Hood#Neal Caffrey is the grandson of Bruce Wayne
#Neal Caffrey is the grandson of Batman #Jason has son #Jason is a father #Batfamily #Batfam #Uncle Damian#Uncle Tim#Uncle Dick#Aunt Cass#Aunt Stephanie#Aunt Barbara#Great Grandpa Alfred #Grandpa Caffrey #Peter is so done #poor Peter #Vigilante family #pure comedy
The life of a thief tends to be longer than the one of a vigilante. And safer. So, when his son started getting interested in Catwoman's work, Jason was more than happy to indulge him.
When he was sixteen, Neal Caffrey was born. It started with some work for the League (sculptures with kryptonite hidden inside, paintings with encoded messages, alien tech on the black market etc.)
Then, Neal started experimenting with paint and forgeries and the bonds happened. His grandfather Bruce told him he could either stop with the forgeries and work for the League or he could do a deep undercover assignment - Get caught and thrown into jail where they could get him out and train him better for a couple of years then get into the FBI and wash up the corrupt agents and the spies.
He's been eighteen when Neal Caffrey went to jail and twenty when he escaped.
He spent about four months in that cell. His father visited almost daily, knowing he wouldn't be able to when he started working with the feds.
"Hey. What happened to the diamond case yesterday?" Neal asked as he slipped into the chair next to Peter. The entire White Collar division looked extremely tense today.
"It turned out to have traces of kryptonite over it. There were two Justice League representatives taking over the scene before we even got out of the van."
"Aw." The CI said, trying not to look smug. Neal had been the one to report the case to the League. He could have waited until the diamond reached evidence after it had been processed as a win for the team, but then Peter refused to let him approach said diamond and his phone just happened to materialize in his hand.
Neal has been called many things over the years.
Petty was definitely one of them.
"They relocated the diamond and took over the case to find the smugglers. They said they're spread too thin these days, so they're only sending one representative to lead the team. It's official League business now."
That was news to Neal.
"Oh? Anyone interesting?" he asked, trying to appear nonchalant.
The pinched looked on Peter's face intensified.
Interesting.
The only other person to ever get that look out of him had been Neal when Burke had been failing to catch him.
"They're sending in Red Hood."
Neal blinked.
"... Red Hood." He repeated slowly, the words swirling in his head.
Red Hood was coming to babysit the FBI? Neal couldn't help but snort.
Peter glared at him.
"Behave."
Neal looked at him in amusement.
"Are you nervous, Agent Burke?"
Red Hood used to be number one on the FBI's most wanted list, up until the League pardoned him and he got moved to the most dangerous list.
No wonder Peter looked so stressed. One of the most infamous crime lords was going to drop in right in the middle of the FBI to boss them around and they couldn't do anything about it.
Neal knew his father was not going to hurt anyone here. Even in his most madness-filled days, he's only ever killed horrible people. Murderers, kidnappers, rapists, terrorists – annoying feds were simply beneath him.
He hadn't spoken to his father in a while. If he was really coming in today without Neal getting any sort of notice beforehand, it meant their relationship wasn't going to be kept a secret from the team.
A smile stretched along Neal's face, a hint of green twirling in his eyes.
This was going to be interesting.
When Red Hood came in, the whole building quieted. The blood red helmet was making people scramble to the side as he walked, and the sight of the guns strapped to the heavy armor made people gulp and avoid looking up.
Even if he hadn't been armed, the man looked like the personification of war, the Terminator reincarnated.
He was the embodiment of danger, sending chills down the back of every agent in the room.
And right in the middle of this tense group of FBI agents, Neal was swaying lightly on his feet, hands in his pockets, a bit too relaxed for this type of situation.
Peter would have barked at him about self-preservation if the sight of the red helmet didn't put a nod in his throat.
Then Neal opened his mouth. And things escalated.
"Hi, Pops." Neal greeted, chill as ever. The light went out in Peter's eyes.
Diana's eyes widened and Jones gaped as the rest of the agents froze.
"Neal is your son?!" exclaimed Jones before he could think.
"Obviously." Said Red Hood, as if daring them to deny it. "And I hope I won't have to waste time to spell out for you Harvard graduates what would happen if this particular information got out of this room."
Reports of severed heads in duffle bags floated around everyone's minds.
Jones' mouth snaped shut.
Silence took over.
"Lovely. Now back to work!" Jason barked and put a hand around Neal's shoulder, leading him down the hall as the feds scrambled away.
"Your father is Red Hood? The Red Hood?!"
"Mhm."
"How?!"
Neal shrugged. "Well, now you know where I got my dramatic flair." He took another sip of coffee, considering. "And hey, you were wondering where I learned how to shoot."
"You don't even like guns!"
"To yours and my grandfather's delight, I do not." He agreed. "But maybe don't rub that in dad's face though."
"Your dad, the Red Hood." Peter repeated, making Neal blink.
"Yes, I ... believe we've had this conversation already."
"And your – your grandfather..."
"Ever heard of Batman?"
More stares.
For about half an hour, Peter almost managed to talk himself into believing this was just a con.
But then Red Hood took off his helmet and while the situation still sounded absurd, it looked legit.
Neal was a blurry image of the vigilante. His hair was a bit longer, curling a bit at the ends and missing the white streak in the front. And Red Hood had a head over him at least, and obviously more muscle.
But they had the same jaw, and ears, and mouth, and Peter didn't doubt that beneath the domino mask, they had the same eyes.
"I mean, I'm glad you decided to get out of that boring prison, but the feds, really?" Red Hood scrunched his nose in obvious disgust, and it was such a Caffrey look that Peter couldn't help but see the similarities between him and his CI.
No.
No, no.
Oh, no.
It was actually true.
Agents kept repeating the question over and over. It was amusing at first, but then it really started to get on Neal's nerves.
"You're his son?!"
"What makes you say that?" asked Neal while putting his feet on the table and leaning back, totally Red Hood style.
"You're related to Red Hood?"
"That's classified."
"Your father is Red Hood?!"
"Never heard of him." He said while Jason leaned over him, helmet on.
Neal probably wouldn't have minded the questions if they asked literally anything else.
"How come no one asks me about Grandpa?"
"Your grandpa, the Batman?"
"Yes, finally. Thank you."
"Batman, the father of Red Hood, who is your father."
"Oh, for the love of –"
Ruiz didn't ask, just stared at Neal horrified.
Neal grinned at him, but not with his usual conman charm, but with a predatory glint in his eyes that sent shivers down people's spines.
Jason recorded everything proudly, like a professional soccer mom.
Red Hood and Neal were arguing.
"Oh, really?" Jason asked. "Name one member of our family that has a law-abiding job that is not a cover for something else."
Neal was quiet for a while.
"Titus?"
His father snorted.
"That damned dog has been an accomplice more times than I care to remember. Nice try though."
Peter just aged 12 years.
Jason motions to the water bottle in his hand.
"You want a sip?"
Neal eyed the liquid.
"That's not water, is it?"
His father shrugged. "... It's spicy water."
"Yeah, you breath smells ... flammable. Maybe later."
Neal had his feet on the table and was playing with a small plush toy in the shape of a dog.
Red Hood was ignoring the briefing altogether, too busy frowning at the stuffed thing in his son's hands.
"What the hell is that?"
Neal grinned, bringing the toy closer to his father.
"He just wants someone to love."
"I don't like the way it's staring at me." Jason admitted, eyeing it in distrust.
Neal only grinned wider.
Jason glared at the board. The agents unfortunate enough to be in the same room shuffled on their feet, not sure what the safe reaction would be.
"I want coffee." Red Hood suddenly demanded, making the feds freeze.
Do they go and get him some? Ask preference? Make a fresh pot coffee?
If Neal noticed their panic, they'll never know.
"What's the magic word?" he asked, without even taking his eyes off the report he was working on.
Peter could hear every single agent in the room stop breathing. His own face paled two different shades of white.
"Get me some coffee." Jason forced. Neal waited. "... Please."
Neal nodded.
"Actually, the magic word was 'sunshine', but I'll let it slide because you had to deal with Hal today."
"Two sugars!" His father yelled after him.
"I know what to do." Neal yelled back, without stopping.
Hughes walked out of his office, frowning at the uncharacteristic silence that took over the floor and stopped.
Red Hood was leaning back on his chair, lightly snoring, combat boots perched on the table and helmet off.
Every single agent was staring in horrified fascination at Neal Caffrey who was adding sticky notes on his vigilante father. Boots, shoulders, arms, chest, feet, Hughes could count at least 37 already and he could see a very green-looking Burke eyeing the one on Red Hood's forehead that spelled 'WILL BITE'.
Hughes turned around and walked back into his office.
"We need someone to pose as the buyer at eleven." Jones was explaining as Neal walked in the room.
"What's at eleven?"
Red Hood didn't even blink.
"Your bedtime." He said and glared around the room like he was daring someone to argue.
Neal turned off his computer and stretched.
"Alright. I'm done for the day."
Peter opened his mouth to tell him the usual 'I'll finish in ten minutes and leave you at June's on my way home.' when Red Hood beat him to it.
"I'll drive you."
As they were walking past Jones, he could help but overhear Neal talking to his father.
"Didn't you come by helicopter?"
Next day, Peter went to June to get Neal, only to be told his father picked him up.
She also told him that Red Hood had tea with her just an hour ago and that he was 'an extremely well-mannered young man with a vast knowledge of classical literature'.
Peter couldn't help but stare at her.
He'd heard more curses from the vigilante in the past 24 hours than he heard in a whole year.
And he wasn't sure how well it would end for him if he attempted to test the classical book theory with the man whose son he'd thrown into prison.
Diana was holding the briefing while Neal was balancing on the back legs of his chair.
When he toppled over, Peter rushed to catch him, but didn't have the time to do more than raise his arms before Red Hood's hand snapped up and caught him, pushing Neal back up without even looking in his son's direction.
Jason doesn't tell him to stop.
Neal went back to his balancing.
Jason picked up Neal's fedora and casually threw it to the other side of the room like a frisbee, tripping another fed.
"... Ever considered therapy?" Neal wondered.
"Boring. Let's set something on fire!"
Neal snapped his fingers with the hand that wasn't holding a phone at his ear.
"Mission's over. They want you back home." He tells his father.
Peter had almost forgotten what sweet relief feels like.
Red Hood scowled.
"Tell your gramps to piss off!" he barked back at Neal.
"It's not Grandfather it's Great Grandpa."
To the shock of the entire White Collar division, Red Hood winched.
Neal looked amused.
"Do you still want me to tell him to piss off?"
"Are you crazy? He'll kill me! Tell him I'm on my way!"
"I'm gonna regret asking this but... who's your Great Grandpa?"
"God."
"..."
Peter watched as Red Hood straitened his CI's jacket and patted his hair like a mother sending her child to their first day of school.
"Now, you go and be a proper nuisance to the feds and never let them get away with anything." Jason said making Neal grin. "And remind them that even though you got your Grandpa Bats thing for 'no killing' or whatever, me and your Great Grandpa are still game. So, they should really learn to watch out for their little fed heads. And don't forget to call! If I'm left alone with all these bats, I'll go absolutely murderous." He continued, making the feds gulp. "Love you!" He grinned with too many teeth, but the hug looked sincere.
Neal laughed and chipped off a happy 'Bye Dad!' as he hugged his father while the feds started saying prayers.
The next morning, Neal showed up to the office wearing a red and black leather jacket.
Peter took El on a week-long vacation by the end of the day.
Agent Ruiz retired.
Alternate version of Papa Hood:
(Op goes sideways. Space gun misfires. Neal pushes Peter out of the way and gets turned into a four-year-old.)
In cases like this, usually a Justice League Representative shows up to deal with the situation.
"That was fast." Peter commented. Not that he was ungrateful, children tend to make him nervous, even if said child was his friend.
"Yeah, usually it takes another day at least since de-ageing is not classified as 'harmful magic' but when people connected to the Justice League get tangled in the mess, it tends to get complicated. Hence the hurry."
Peter frowned.
"Connected to the Justice League? ... Neal?"
The Justice League representative lifted an eyebrow.
"Yeah, his father is a pretty big name, you know?"
Peter had never felt more lost.
"I'm sorry – his father?!"
The guy points towards the door.
"Daddy!" Young Neal yelled as he ran through the sea of agents and wrapped his arms around the knees of a black and red armored mountain of a man.
The air left Peter's lungs and forgot to get back in.
Every agent froze as they watched Red Hood take off his helmet and crunch down to wrap his arms around their de-aged CI.
"Hi buddy! You having fun?" Jason asked with a grin. He's forgotten how little his son used to be. "Were the feds entertaining?" He asked and there's an almost nonexistent narrow of his eyes, like he's just waiting to hear the name of his new fed sized target that was stupid enough to mess with his kid.
Agent Ruiz turned eight shades of white in about forty seconds.
Originally, I wasn't going to write another White Collar / Batman Crossover, but a lot of people liked my other story 'Grandpa Caffrey' and it sort of inspired some other ideas.
Which one would you like next?
1) 'Undercover Family' - Neal Caffrey is Bruce Wayne. Damian is undercover too at a prestigious boarding school where there's a random shooting. The shooter gets brought into the FBI building and Bruce punches him in the face, because he is a father first. The feds meet Damian.
2) 'Weird custody' – Younger brother Neal, older brother Jason. Bruce mentored Jason. Selina mentored Neal. Red Hood will always look after his little brother.
3) 'True legends' – retired FBI agents visit and look unimpressed with everything until Neal mentions that his grandfather is Alfred Pennyworth which makes them declare him family. Pure confusion for Peter and the rest of the FBI.
4) 'When family calls' – Agent Ruiz gets the FBI to monitor Neal's calls. Now every time his phone rings Jason!Neal has to put it on speaker. The FBI gets their first glimpse of the Batfam.
5) 'Batmom' – Fem!Neal is Bruce's girlfriend/fiancée and the batkids adore her. The FBI keeps meeting Neal's kids.
6) 'Father - son relationships' - Neal Caffrey is Jason Todd. Batman comes personally to the FBI to help them on a case. Moody Jason. Chaos.
Please review and tell me what you think about this story or any other! And I would love to hear some of your ideas, too.
Frostbite out