Chapter 12- "Terrible lie"

/hey God
why are you doing this to me?
am i not living up to what i'm supposed to be?
why am i seething with this animosity?
hey God
i think you owe me a great big apology.

terrible lie
terrible lie
terrible lie
terrible lie

hey God
i really don't know what you mean.
seems like salvation come only in our dreams.
i feel my hatred grow all the more extreme.
hey God
can this world really be as sad as it seems?

terrible lie
terrible lie
terrible lie
terrible lie

don't take it away from me.
i need someone to hold on to.
don't take it away from me.
i need someone to hold on to.

hey God
there's nothing left for me to hide.
i lost my ignorance, security and pride.
i'm all alone in a world you must despise.
hey God
i believed your promises, your promises and lies.

terrible lie
terrible lie
terrible lie
terrible lie

you made me throw it all away.
my morals left to decay.
how many you betray.
you've taken everything.

terrible lie.
my head is filled with disease.
my skin is begging you please.
i'm on my hands and knees.
i want so much to believe.

i need someone to hold on to.
i need someone to hold on to.
i need someone i need someone.
i need someone to hold on to.
i give you everything.
my sweet everything.
hey God
i really don't know who i am.
in this world of piss/ -lyrics by nine inch nails.

Buffy walked. Buffy cried. Buffy was numb. Buffy was lost- and if there was in this world a place to still lose yourself in- Running Falls was that. /why/ was the echo she could here through her sobs, and the question with each further step only seemed to haunt her more. /Blame?... who to blame... myself? I let myself be controlled, I ignored the signs that he was more the Angelus I first met then the Angelus I had come to know... I let myself do the one act more horrifying to me then any, with a man I admit I just met, a man from a place I don't understand... no fuck that. Blame? blame him, blame the person with not even the smallest sense of human decency, or consideration of another's feeling. Blame? Cordelia, she sent him to her trailer, she must have known that it would be like this, after all she did know him. Blame... blame this damn place, blame these damn trees... blame my heart.../ that was the last thought, as the darkness inside seeped in, and the only remaining pain was physical.

Angelus was all smiles as he walked back into the trailer he and Buffy had spent the night making love in. /making love/ That was a though Angelus lit up at.//making love, not fucking, not defacing, not throwing down on the floor and having you way with... well maybe that, but anyway love... yes there was love... he loved Buffy...//NO//Well either way/ he continued to think... there was something different something meaningful. Something that Angelus had never... /What the fuck/ There laying on her bed was a scribbled parchment. He was unaware of the grinning face looking on.

3 minds, one thought "mmmmmmmmm" Oz, Willow and Tara, lay in the cramped bed- a pile of 'wow this should not get any better' flesh. Oz was shocked, out of all the ways he had expected this to turn out, this was definitely not one of them. /but it works/ the he laughed, so uncharacteristically Oz that it had everyone around him laughing as well. They were happy, they were... interrupted? "Xander!" they all screamed, well the women did at least, Oz sounding more like a greeting on the street. "Xander I know what you saw before, and I know you're tired of your parent's basement scribbled up porn, and maybe you thought just for a minute 'hey I'll catch the real show' but this is really just not.." "Will... stop" Then she looked, she really looked at her best friend, at the tears on his face. "It's Buffy."

/The day before the Scoobies arrival at Running Falls./

"Their gorgeous," were the words out of the villager's mouth. She was seeing things she never had, shoes, dresses, makeup, product... money.

"How can you fin these things so intriguing when you live in a place where these technology ridden people would pay billions to see.

"To me this is just the place that I was born, it's not anymore beautiful to me then where you're from is to you I'm sure. It's just 'normal'..."

"Well normal is not the words I describe where I'm from with mam'"

"and where would that be.."

"LA, Texas...the places where people want to run either to or from- given your point of view." he said, his drawl charming to even harsh ears.

"and in these places that you speak of, with these billions of dollars... what can be purchased"

"why luv, anything you'd desire. 100 castles, a yacht, the best technology... thing you couldn't even imagine."

"I'm Cordelia- daughter of Ethan Rayne of the High Court."

"Well darlin, the name's Lindsey- and if you got an open mind I think I'd like to show you a whole new world."

/End flash back/

"Buffy" "Buff" "Buffy" There they were all gathered around a small cot, in the medical hut. Spike had brought her in, saying that he was out looking for supplies when he came across her unconscious form. Her friends eyed him warily, it's not that they had any reason not to trust Spike- but it's not like they had any reason to trust him either.

"I don't know what to tell you mates, she just kinda lyin there groaning and such, I don't think the lot of you will really be able to help her."

"well that's great Mr. Too Glum but if you could not try to tell us there no hope that would be 'oh so wonderful'" Xander bitched.

"No need to go all Nancy boy on me, I was just saying that's quite the clobber she took to the head."

"you..." "We should get Angelus!" Willow blurted, halting any further arguing. "He'll want to know"

"He knows actually" Angelus's voice suddenly interrupted. "and guess what kids- he doesn't care"

"That's reeeeal nice, she just loves you, she just goes off and even make's friends with that hell beast Cordelia just to impress you and you don't care?" yelled Xander, feeling the need to defend his friend.

"Yah and after the moans I heard from her place last night 'Angel' baby I'd have to say you got a hell of a lot closer. I know you're the love um' and leave um type peaches but this is low even for you."

"SHUT UP SPIKE," came the unified response.

"As none of you are actually my better, I don't feel the need to explain... but the bitch can burn in the lower court of hell for all I care." the words sat there burning into each guess. The lower courts of hell was meant for betrayers. Who did Buffy ever betray?

/Earlier that day/

... there was something different something meaningful. Something that Angelus had never... /What the fuck/ There laying on her bed was a scribbled parchment. He was unaware of the grinning face looking on.

Picking up the parchment Angelus read...

Well I have to say princess, that wasn't as bad as I has expected.

It was worse.

You really should look into exercising more often- no one likes a minute man.

All my heart- Buffy