Little Sister: And here is part four! I kinda started…drifting on this part, so please bear with me. Eh heh, I suck at ending stuff… TT
Disclaimer: I still don't own Rurouni Kenshin, Kenshin or Saito. So sad… TT
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Hidden Feelings Part Four
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It was finally time. Saito allowed himself a small smirk of satisfaction. He had been plagued by curiosity all day, hovering close to the dojo to keep an eye on the red-haired swordsman. He didn't really think the Battousai would run away, the resignation in his eyes when Saito left reassured him of this. The only reason Saito had hung around was because he was strangely reluctant to let the younger man out of his sight, the fear he had displayed earlier still vivid in the wolf's mind. What had caused it?
He spared a brief glance toward his silent companion. There would be satisfaction for the wolf tonight. He wouldn't let the Battousai leave before his curiosity was laid to rest.
As if sensing his gaze, the younger man glanced up at him questioningly. Saito didn't look away, kept his eyes locked with the other's. Battousai looked normal again, holding his gaze steadily. He smirked, causing the Battousai's eyes to widen, briefly flashing some unknown emotion that Saito couldn't quite catch.
They had reached the riverbank on the less-populated side of town by now. Saito leaned back against a tree, watching the other man carefully. The Battousai wandered to the river's edge and sat down, legs tucked under him neatly, placing his sakabatou next to him. Saito decided to wait for Battousai to speak first. He hadn't survived all these years by being impatient after all.
A soft sigh reached his ears. "What did you wish to know, Saito?"
There it was again. That sad, resigned tone he had heard earlier.
"Start from the beginning, Battousai."
The younger man turned to look at him crossly. "Kenshin!"
Saito raised an eyebrow, and the other turned back the to the river, a slight flush staining his cheeks.
"My name is Kenshin." More softly this time.
"Very well, Kenshin," he conceded. "Explain."
"I-I don't know where to begin."
Saito frowned. "You can start by explaining why you were in my apartment."
The rurouni was silent for a while, most likely formulating an answer. Saito shifted his weight to his other leg and waited, mentally craving a cigarette but not wanting anything to distract him from the man in front of him. He made a slight noise in the back of his throat, and the younger man immediately tensed and started talking.
"I had a dream about you last night," the red-haired swordsman rushed out, shoulders twitching restlessly. "I dreamt you…died. I just wanted to make sure you were safe!"
Batto—no, Kenshin dreamed about him dying? Buy why check on him? He wanted to see the younger man's face while he explained, knowing that his eyes gave everything away. Perhaps that was why Kenshin chose to sit with his back toward Saito. He moved to stand next to Kenshin, noticing how the other froze and became like a statue. Was he even breathing? Putting that observation away for later scrutiny, he turned back to the matter at hand.
"You dream about me?"
A soft gasp and violet eyes flew to his face involuntarily. Saito immediately understood that Kenshin hadn't meant to let that slip. The younger man looked away again quickly, but it was too late.
"I…I dream about the Bakumatsu almost every night. You were one of my opponents and we fought many times. Of course I dream about you sometimes!"
Saito frowned. Really. If this kept up he was almost certain that a permanent scowl would frame his face. The tone was too defensive, too strong, different from his normal speech patterns. It was, therefore, obvious that Kenshin was hiding something. If Saito hadn't been so…concerned…he would have laughed at the absurdity of the situation.
Here they were, two old enemies, and neither of them were acting like they had in the past. Saito briefly wondered if getting older was making him soft. The thought occurred to him that he was only softer on Kenshin. He couldn't bring himself to kill the diminutive red-head. He had never wished the younger man dead. Back in Kyoto, during the war, he had reveled in the challenge fighting the Battousai presented. He had respected him as a warrior and fighter. Now though…he almost wished he wouldn't feel so damn concerned about the Battousai all the time. It made him…nervous, unsure…and that was some of the things that could have gotten him killed during the Bakumatsu.
"What are you hiding?" he murmured absently.
"I…I am hiding nothing…" Large amethyst eyes turned to look at him. "This morning…I apologize for invading your privacy. I promise it will never happen again." A decisive nod followed this statement. It seemed as if Kenshin had made up his mind about something.
Saito shook his head. "It's not only this morning, but ever since I came to Tokyo. I didn't notice it before, what with all the excitement of taking down Shishio," a sarcastic sneer, "but you've been acting strange all this time. I can't put my finger on what, exactly, but…"
"S-strange? Have I? Eheh…" Saito's sharp eyes picked up a nervous twitch of his hands. He met the other's gaze steadily.
"Yes, you have."
Kenshin abruptly stood up. "Ehehehe…It must have been your imagination because I am the same that I have always been, that I am. And it will not matter anyway. You will not have to see me anymore and you'll forget, because I'm sure it's not that important. And there are a lot of other things you should be worried about, like that bandit that escaped and was killing random people, or the group of slavers that have been springing up all over, or—"
Saito spun the younger man around and pinned him to a tree, cutting off his rambling. His eyes narrowed dangerously.
"What do you mean I won't have to see you anymore?" he growled. "Are you running away again, Battousai? What happened to all that talk about protecting those friends of yours? Are you abandoning them?"
Kenshin only gasped, staring up at him with wide, frightened eyes.
Saito shook him roughly. "Well?" he demanded.
"P-please…" The soft plea startled him. And the red-head was trembling now, tremors wracking his small frame. "I tried…I tried so hard…! But I c-couldn't… s-stop…I couldn't…and it didn't matter…you n-never knew…n-never! But now…I know it's w-wrong…y-you'll h-h-hate me now…I c-couldn't…I-I'm so…so s-sorry…" Head bowed, fists clenched, but he never moved from Saito's hold, still trembling… "S-sorry, so s-sorry…P-please…"
Kenshin was crying. Saito's mind went momentarily blank, unable to process the fact. For the first time in years, Saito didn't know what to do. Should he step back and just leave, or continue on and find out now? Gently lifting up Kenshin's face, he noticed the same pain he had seen earlier was there and stronger than before. The pain called out to him, made him stay and speak without him realizing it.
"What couldn't you stop? What didn't I know? Tell me!" he said, silently compelling the younger man to let it out. First the fear and now the crying. Saito couldn't help but wonder if he was in a strange dream that he hadn't woken up from yet. He was very confused and bewildered, which was saying something, because he was never like this, ever.
So deep in thought, he almost missed it when soft lips brushed against his own. He inhaled sharply and pushed Kenshin away in shock, accidentally slamming him into the tree. What the hell!
He watched in a sort of dazed horror as something in Kenshin's gaze wavered and broke; watched as his eyes became lifeless and dull, tears still streaming down his face.
And he understood then, the pieces falling into place with sudden clarity, what it was the other man had been trying to tell him. Had he felt like this all along?
The man in front of him had given up, his eyes held the look of someone who had nothing left to live for. Saito had, however unintentionally, broken him. It was, therefore, up to him along to put Kenshin back together.
Slowly stepping forward again, he lifted Kenshin's face once more, and proceeded to do the only thing that he could think of to help: he kissed him.
It wasn't a simple kiss either, nothing chaste or innocent about it. Saito kissed him hungrily, all of his own suppressed desires and emotions pouring into that one kiss. Little by little, Kenshin started to respond, to hesitantly return the kiss, as if fully expecting it to be thrown back in his face. A feral grin spread across Saito's face and he intensified the kiss, only pulling away when Kenshin moaned softly, his tiny hands clutching Saito's arms tightly.
"W-what…?" The tentative hope in his eyes made Saito's heart twinge a little.
"Idiot," he murmured, the fondness in his voice surprising him a little. "How was I supposed to know if you never told me?"
"I didn't…you weren't supposed to find out," came the shaky reply. "I would have never told you…I wouldn't have…"
Saito shut him up with another kiss. This was extraordinarily pleasant. And how had he never noticed the way Kenshin acted before this?
Kenshin mewled approvingly before tensing up again. He turned to look at Saito worriedly.
"Saito, what about—"
"I think," Saito interrupted, "under the circumstances, you can call me Hajime."
"Hajime," Kenshin said shyly, a blush on his cheeks. "Hajime, what about…what about your wife?"
"Tokio? Oh. We have an…arrangement." He smiled sardonically. "I needed to be respectable and she needed a cover."
"A cover?"
"Yes. Her family was pressuring her to marry. They were not aware of her lover, who was, by the way, a very beautiful woman. Still is. She's a couple of years older than Tokio and pretty wealthy. We simply solved both of our problems by getting married. Tokio is in no way obligated to me, nor I to her. Why do you think she stays in Kyoto while I live here?"
"I never thought of why," confessed Kenshin softly. "But no one would have guessed about the truth!"
"Hnn. Exactly." Saito wiped the traces of tears away gently. "No more running away."
"Hajime…" A half-sob, half-laugh came out. "I never thought…I never dreamed this could happen…I don't…Is this real?"
Saito let out a chuckle. "This is as real as it's going to get. You had better get used to it, because I am very possessive. Now that I have you, I won't ever let you go. You are mine, and I. Don't. Share."
Kenshin laughed quietly, leaning into the arms embracing him. "Yours," he sighed happily. "Always and always."
Saito know that it would take a while before Kenshin could be convinced that he was important, that he deserved everything Saito could offer him. But it was worth it. Kenshin was worth it.
And as Saito leaned down to kiss him again, Kenshin knew that however bad and terrible it had been before, it could only get better from here.
Two lonely souls would never be alone again.
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Okay…don't kill me! This turned out incredibly sappy…I'm not sure why... Everytime I try to change it, it still comes out like this… Um, but yeah. Sorry if they are both OOC…:sigh: Oh well. There's an epilogue after this too. Something I wrote at the last minute when I was reading the third installment and realized that…! Yeah. But you'll see. Eheh. As always, please leave any comments or criticism that you feel is necessary. And if you feel the need to throw smelly things at me for the weird ending, I'll understand. :sweatdrops: