Ch11 - Breakdown

Wei Ying put the once sold cloth back in the bowl of water. The water was still cool but not cold anymore like it had been half an hour before when he had begun his daily schedule of trying to bring down both Lan Zhan's and Jiang Cheng's temperatures. Both men needed cold cloths applying at least twice a day as their cores fighting the illness was driving their body temperature up and up. Lan Zhan especially was suffering as he had the stronger core of the two and wasn't used to being ill. Fortunately for both of them they had fallen unconscious the day before and could no longer feel the pain they must be in. Silently Wei Ying thanked the gods for the small mercy. However with both men now unconscious he had no one to speak to.

Smoothing back Lan Zhan's sweat drenched hair Wei Ying debated for the hundredth time in his head if removing the forehead ribbon would be a good idea. After all a metal plate against a fevered forehead was not exactly helpful, however as soon as he moved forwards to remove it he felt the movement of the forehead ribbon he now wore himself and paused. Lan Zhan maybe asleep but both ribbons linked them together and he could not bring himself to remove that symbol of their unity. Sighing once again and reaching up to make his own forehead ribbon straight he looked down at the unconscious Lan Zhan.

'Is it straight?' he asked knowing he would get no answer 'I wont loose you any face wearing it like this I don't think.' With that he rose from the bed and headed for the open door. 'I will be back to see you later Er-Gege'

Before he could run back to the bed and never leave his husbands side again Wei Ying forced himself outside and shut the door behind him. Outside was just as quiet. Everyone in Lotus Pier except for himself had now come down with the illness. The place where he remembered laughter and even arguments loud enough to make buildings shake just held a deafening silence. Almost as if the animals around the area knew something was wrong with the place they to had began to avoid it. No matter how hard he listened all he could hear was….silence.

Forcing his feet to move by sheer power of will, he slowly moved over to the main hall where he was still receiving messages from the other clans and Sects. The healer they had sent to aid Jin Ling was still healthy, however his nephew had the illness. The good thing, if anything good could be said about this whole disaster, was that Jin Ling was still young and hadn't reach his full strength yet therefore the illness wasn't acting as fast in him as it was in others. There was mixed news though from Gusu. SiZhui had gotten the illness as well, however like Jin Ling his core hadn't achieved full strength so he was fine for now. Lan QiRen had been among one of the first in Gusu to contract the illness and had now been unconscious for 4 days. The Gusu healer wrote that he didn't have much hope of him surviving 4 more. Lan Xichen had been sent away into isolation and no one knew if he was healthy or not but Wei Ying prayed to whoever was listening that at least one Lan family member would escape this thing unscathed.

Looking at the table there were pages and pages of reports, pages and pages of problems, pages and pages of people falling ill and asking, begging him for help. How could he help them when he couldn't help the people right in-front of him. Suddenly as if seized by a madness Wei Ying grabbed hold of the heavy table and lifted. The table somersaulted through the air, its important contents flying in all directions. But Wei Ying couldn't care less about this, he was already running out the door and into the open spaces surrounding Lotus Pier.

Panting and gulping in large unstable breaths he finally stopped his sprint at the edge of the Lotus dock. Looking over the calm, serene water he couldn't help but think back to the first time he had arrived at this same dock. A small scared child with nothing but the rags on his back, scared to go near anyone except his Uncle Jiang who had held him all the way. That was until a young girl had approached and smiled at him, her eyes had been bright with pleasure and her smile made him want to smile to. Back then he couldn't remember when he had last smiled. She had taken him off her father and held him in her arms, immediately he had felt safe, loved and like this girl would never let anything bad ever happen to him again. All the fatigue and fear of the past months living on the streets had evaporated and he had fallen asleep there and then in her arms.

Images and emotions came flooding back in a tidal wave. Of a young boy who had been given a home, family and security for the first time in his life, and spent many nights of those first years waiting for it all to be taken away from him. The seemingly confident teenager he had become who protected his family with everything he had, even to the point of giving up his core to his brother. Despite the outward confidence that nagging feeling that this life could be ripped from him at any moment had never gone away. He had made himself as indispensable as possible to his siblings with the hope that they would never get rid of him. The moment when Jiang Cheng threw him out of the Clan, the horror he held back inside himself that his worse fears had actually come to pass. And now...now he had finally got himself a new family...and he was loosing them too.

Saftey...love...he was loosing them all...again!

'Sister' Wei Ying managed to speak through his gasped breaths and tears. 'SISTER!' He screamed at the water not caring for one moment if anyone could hear him.

As if the scream had taken out the last of his physical and mental strength he sank to his knees on the rough wooden planks, eyes streaming with the tears he no longer had the inclination or strength to hold back as the emotional floodgates opened. Sobs racked his chest and throat while even his knees failed to hold him up any more and he found himself using his arms to keep him from doing an undignified face plant into the pier.

All he could do was mutter over and over again almost as a prayer.

'Sister…..I'm sorry…...Sister…..I'm sorry….Sister….I'm sorry'

Of course again no answer came to his desperate pleas, just the gentle sounds of the lapping tide against the pier. He could barley breath he was crying so hard, his heart was pounding fiercely as if it wanted to leap out of his chest, his arms shook and his head felt dizzy. All of a sudden he felt himself heave the meagre breakfast, he had actually managed to force down, over the side of the pier and into the water below.

Then the world went black!

When he awoke the sun was already beginning to descend on the horizon. He didn't know how long he had lain there unconscious, either unable or unwilling to wake to face the current situation once again. Forcing himself to take a deep, steadying breath and move his stiff muscles he rose first to his knees and then slowly to his feet. His stomach felt empty and the stain down the front of his robes reminded him that any food he had eaten was long gone. However he couldn't imagine eating at the moment, Instead he knew there was one place he needed to go first.

Staggering, but eventually approaching something resembling a walk, he moved himself back towards the main area of Lotus Pier, but not towards the buildings holding the ill cultivators, or even towards the rooms holding Lan Zhan or Jiang Cheng. Instead he headed in exactly the opposite direction, almost on autopilot, his head still swimming and his soul still in turmoil.

It took him longer than expected but eventually a large, elegant and isolated building appeared before him. The Jiang Clan ancestral hall! Feeling a little self aware of walking into such a place having not bathed in days and covered in dried sick he stopped at the door and debated for a moment which would be more offensive, walking in like he was or removing his outer robes and walking wearing just his underwear. Eventually he shrugged out of his filthy outer robes, turned them inside out and put them back on. He still stunk but at least he appeared semi presentable.

Stepping into the ancestral hall felt a little strange, he hadn't been in here since that argument with Jiang Cheng where he had been told that he was no longer welcome. However Jiang Cheng was no longer here to keep him out, and he was certain the person he needed to speak to would welcome him no matter what. Kneeling on a central cushion Wei Ying first lit three incense sticks and bowed to his Uncle Jiang and Madam Yu.

'Wei Ying apologises for disturbing your peace' he said with his forehead touching the floor in respect 'I would not have appeared before you again if it wasn't an emergency'

He then turned to another tablet, that of Jiang YanLi. Bowing again he felt the tears once again in his eyes but this time was able to keep them under control by sheer force of will.

'Sister'…..he began, making sure he controlled his breathing 'I…..I'm sorry Sister….A-Xian is so useless….your son is ill, brother is ill…...my….' he chocked once again feeling his control of his emotions slipping 'my husband and son are ill too…Sister I have failed to protect A-Ling, I have failed to protect Jiang Cheng..…...Sister I don't know what to do….everyone needs me and I don't know what to do!' The tears where falling once again 'Sister A-Xian is so useless, please…...please sister tell your useless younger brother what to do…...he needs your help.'

This time Wei Ying didn't rise but rather kept his tired and dirty body pressed to the cold stone floor, muttering over and over again between chapped lips, not even trying to keep the helplessness out of his voice as it shook.

'Sister I'm all alone and I don't know what to do'

As the silent minutes turned into silent hours Wei Ying remained in his bowed position, he lost count of how many times he had asked for help without response. But in his heart he knew that the only person he could trust to give him the guidance he desperately needed right now, now that Lan Zhan was unconscious, was YanLi. She had always protected, taught and guided him before and he had no doubt she would find a way to do it now.

Suddenly a breeze appeared, making the back of his robes lift slightly. He remained where he was but the breeze seemed to lift the robes slightly higher as if trying to get his attention. Slowly he rose from the floor, moving stiff muscles that had had too much abuse already that day. Flipping his wrist he sent a plain talisman floating along the mystery wind, following it with his mind to see where it went. He was surprised to see the talisman landed directly on the closed door to Lan Zhan's room then spring away and find its way to Jiang Cheng's door. Was he seeing things? Was he just so tired and emotionally drained that he needed to believe this was YanLi's guidance? Was he…..

He really didn't care if he was making this up in his head, the breeze had given him the first bit of hope he had had in days. Turning back around he bowed once again to the tablet.

'Thank you sister' He said in earnest prayer 'A-Xian will listen to you and protect all your family and mine'

With those words and a new feeling he was no longer alone in this he stepped out of the ancestral hall and walked towards Lan Zhan's room with a renewed determination. He didn't know how Lan Zhan and his brother would help him figure this out but if YanLi had given him this clue he knew there would be some way to make it work.